Ivy
‘How could they all just forget her..’ He thought to himself. It had only been 6 months since the disappearance of Ivy Lauder. No one else seemed to care that she was gone but him. He watched her disappear from his life as if she never existed. His entire world came crashing down in less than 24 hours and everyone else was just fine? He hated it. He hated the way she left, and he especially hated why. He remembers the tragedy their last moments together were. The screaming match they had. The things he said to break her. He knew he shouldn’t have said those things. He doesn’t know why he did it, but he’s the price for it now.
This was all my fault. All of this, if I never screamed at her for something so primitive, she would still be with me.. He repeated those words to himself daily. His friends always told him sitting around and moping didn’t take back what happened and it certainly won’t bring her back. He knew that. His train of thought stopped when he felt the touch of a hand on his shoulder, it was a familiar touch. The one of his good friend, Pansy Parkinson. “Draco…” She said softly. “I really wish I could change this for you..” She let out a sigh. Half of him was annoyed, he just wanted to be alone with his thoughts. The other half was grateful to have a good friend like her. “It’s fine Pansy. I will find her and everything will go back to how it was.” He said firmly.
“She’s gone, Draco. You just need to accept it. I know it’s hard. I’m sorry, I know how you feel-“ Pansy began to say before she was abruptly cut off.
“No. You don’t know how I feel.” He turned to her angrily.
“You’re not the only one who lost her Draco. Ivy was my best friend! You don’t think I want her back too!? You’re acting selfish.” Pansy shot back, and she was right, he was being selfish. But it was for a good reason. Right? He couldn’t just accept the loss like Pansy could. Ivy was the first person who made Draco feel alive. He would fight for her, every minute of every day if he had to. Nothing would get in the way of his love for Ivy.
“She is my everything Pansy. I can’t just move on.” He snapped, “I won’t rest until I find her.”
“She’s gone Draco!! Why can’t you just understand that?! She’s not coming back.” Pansy shouted. Those words cut deep. How could she just say that to him? How could she just give up on her best friend?
“She’s not gone. She just..” He paused “She just ran away. She’ll be back for me any day now. I swear!” He seemed to be convincing himself more than anyone else, and deep down he knew Pansy was right but that wouldn’t stop him from trying to find her. He wiped his tears “Any day now.” He repeated to himself.
Pansy shook her head “I miss her more than you’d know, but sitting here and missing her can’t bring her back Dray..” She said in a more soft voice than earlier.
“I know..” He admitted “I just can’t give up on her. She was my home Pansy.” His tears began to leak out like a faucet. Pansy was making him question his sanity. She always seemed to have a way of doing that. He always hated how frustrating she could be, but she’s the closest thing he has to Ivy he has so he bites his tongue. He can’t lose anyone else.
Pansy pulled him into a hug, it was unexpected but needed. He pretended she was Ivy at this moment. He knew it was wrong but it gave him a few moments of peace. He imagined her touch, her scent, her face. It was like she was right there, yet so far at the same time.
Pansy let out a sigh “If you truly want to keep searching for her, I won't stop you.. but something tells me she doesn’t really want to be found.”
“What? Why wouldn’t she want to be found- i, i don’t understand.” This statement made his heart sink, and his chest hurt. ‘Is she implying what I think she’s implying..?’ His mind was racing with 100 thoughts and questions but no answers. ‘Would she really leave on purpose?’
“Draco.. I don’t mean to put this on you.. especially when you’re hurting, but you remember what happened before she left.” She said softly.
His worst fear was just confirmed, even his friends thought Ivy left because of him. How could he live with himself? “You think it’s because of me.”
Pansy looked away “No that’s not what i mean-“
He cut her off. “No. You’re right. It is my fault” He picked up his stuff and stormed off to his room. He expected Pansy to follow, but she didn’t. He knew she resented him. For a good reason too. He laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling. She consumed his whole life. Physically and mentally. Her clothes on the floor of his room, and her voice in the center of his mind. He closed his eyes and attempted to imagine their good memories together but he couldn’t. Their fight kept lingering.
“Ivy, I couldn't do anything about it!”
“Don’t play the fucking victim Draco.”
“How the hell am I playing the victim Ivy?! Please enlighten me because last I checked you’re the one making my situation about you.”
“You’re a Deatheater and I'm a muggle born Draco. You didn’t bother to fucking tell me that?!”
“I didn’t choose this Ivy! He’s gonna gonna kill me.”
“I get that Draco but you didn’t have to do it alone. I’m always here for you.”
“You aren’t even supposed to know. I cant deal with you right now. You’re always making everything about yourself. It’s pathetic.”
“You never change. Do you? Same old cruel, stubborn Draco Malfoy who thinks he’s better than everyone just because he’s a pureblood from a rich family”
“Watch what you say to me Mudblood” The words slipped out of his lips like they had been waiting at the tip of his tongue for centuries.
“I hate you Malfoy.”
He was silent for a moment. “You don’t mean that..”
“Right now, I mean it more than I've ever meant I love you.”
That was the last time he ever spoke to Ivy. Everytime he thinks of those words his chest tightens up, and he forgets how to breathe.
“You win Ivy. Just come home.” he said quietly to himself, a tear sliding down his cheek. He laid for a moment, motionless before he had an epiphany.
“I need to look beyond the castle.” He sat up quickly and grabbed his cloak and shoes. He threw his cloak on and quietly sped out of the dormitory. He carefully made his way out of the castle. The only thought in his head was Ivy. He didn’t think or even care for that matter of the consequences he would face because everyday without her is punishment enough.
Soon enough, he was deep in the forest. Alone.
Realistically he was in the forest for a couple hours, but for a boy who’s afraid and alone, it sure felt like ages. After a while, darkness consumed the forest and the only light he had was the small candle in his hand. He was about to turn around and leave when something caught his eye. The candle light reflected off of a small, gold, ring that was left in the leaves. He carefully picked it up. It was gold, with a small heart engraved in it. There was no doubt it was Ivy’s. She was here. Which means there’s a chance she’s still out there, just as he thought. His eyes glimmered with hope as he continued deeper into the forest.