February 10
Lily made sure everything was perfect. All the gifts were wrapped nicely and hidden just out of sight. She made sure the reservation was booked a month prior, just in case. The place wasn’t busy for no reason. This Valentine’s Day had to be perfect. It had been 2, maybe 3 years since she’d celebrated it properly with Mary. Or rather, celebrated it at all before Mary.
It’s pathetic, really. She’s 31, and she’s never properly celebrated Valentine’s Day. When she was younger, it was because she didn’t like it.
She hated how the only people she’d see out were the perfect-looking straight couples giggling into each other’s shoulders. She hated how the guys were thought to be gentlemen when they gave girls flowers, but vice versa would be desperate.
Most of all, she hated it because Mary was always with a new boyfriend.
She doesn’t really know if there was a day in which she figured out the person she wanted giving her flowers was her best friend. One of them, really, but Marlene had never crossed her mind like that. Well, that’s a lie, but she’d moved past that.
There had been one Valentine’s Day where Mary didn’t have a boyfriend, yet all she could do was talk about how she wanted one. Mary had always loved Valentine’s Day. She said the only other time you could practically feel the romance in the air was Christmas. This had been the Valentine’s after Lily got her hair cut, courtesy of Marlene (obviously). If Lily were skinnier, she would’ve stolen Marlene’s leather and jewelry. But alas, her body did not agree with her, and Marlene had been thrilled to help her restock her closet. She’d even dragged Sirius along for the earrings, though they spent a lot more time bickering than actually looking at the jewlery. Marlene never asked her outright if she was into girls, but Lily thinks she knew anyway. What Marlene didn’t know, though, was that she’d only really been into one girl. It’s pathetic how she figured it out.
It was over Christmas break the year before she got her hair cut, and they’d all decided to stay in town. It was the only one where all 3 of them were together, with the boys for maybe 2 days until they fucked off to who knows where. Mary had actually stuck with one guy for over 6 months but rarely brought him around. Mary always said he was shy. Lily doesn’t care to remember his name.
They were crashing at Mary’s place for the night (after a week of her insisting they should get out of Marlene’s dusty basement), and the guy was over. Lily had always been suspicious when it came to Mary’s boyfriends. The only guy Marlene’s ever dated was Sirius, and that was just them fucking around before realizing they were both, in fact, not into each other. Mary’s always cycled through guys; the longest one was 6 months. Before this guy. Gifford or some shit. Lily can’t remember (it was Gilderoy Lockhart, the Dipshit). Lily despised him the most. She hated how they were constantly over each other and how Mary constantly slept over at his place during uni.
Gifford had just arrived, and he and Mary were talking on the porch. Lily watched them warily through the window, aware that she looked like a fucking lunatic. Not that she cared much. Mary was her friend. This was justified.
He handed her a bouquet of flowers. Roses.
Mary’s favorite flowers are Anastasia’s. Roses didn’t even bloom in this weather; where the fuck did he get those? Did he think he was the king of romantics for it?
Mary’s smile had faltered just a tiny bit, which Gifford clearly did not catch. Lily did, though. Her nails dug into the palm of her hand as she forced herself to turn away.
They broke up a week after that. Lily almost felt guilty for the wave of triumph she felt when it happened.
Now, Lily lived with Mary (shocker) in an apartment in Toronto. She’s not fully sure why they moved to Canada when everyone else stayed in Europe, but Mary insisted on seeing the snowfalls here. As if Canada were the only place snow existed. They had a decent view and were surrounded by the constant buzzing of the city. It’s nothing like New York or London, but it’s something. Lily doesn’t mind it. She doesn’t mind much as long as she’s with Mary.
They’d passed their 3rd anniversary together a day after Lily’s birthday, and she knew. This Valentine’s she made sure both their schedules were cleared and that everything was great to the grittiest detail.
Anyways, she had 4 more days. And tea. So much tea that even Mary started drinking it.
4 days isn’t a lot of time, but with the amount of caffeine she’s been consuming, Lily thinks it’ll be sufficient. 4 days. 96 hours. She tapped her fingers, making sure her rings were there. She stood watching the cars below come and go, nerves finally tapping in. Now that she didn’t have much to do, all she had to do was dwell on the fact that this had to go perfectly. If it didn’t, she’d never be able to live it down.
Doing it perfectly meant Mary couldn’t know what was happening.
Lily had closed up the shop early today to double-check everything. Marlene had been the only one working, too, and pouted as Lily ushered her out.
“Is this about Mary?” She’d asked, being observant as she is.
Lily fished the keys out of her pocket and stuck them into the lock. “Of course.” Everything Lily was nervous about was usually about Mary.
Marlene had rolled her eyes. “It’ll go fine, Lils.”
“Fine isn’t good enough; it has to be perfect,” had been Lily’s response.
Marlene had been quiet the whole drive home. She was the only other one of their friends who lived in Canada. She didn’t live in Toronto, exactly, but close enough that she could drive Lily home.
Marlene was never this quiet.
“What are you thinking about?” Lily asked bluntly, ignoring the silence.
Marlene hadn’t looked up from the road. “Nothing.”
Lily fixed her with a flat look she knew Marlene could sense. “Don’t fucking lie to me, McKinnon.” They stopped at a red light.
Marlene sighed, rubbing her temples. “Meadowes is being a dick again.” Dorcas Meadowes was Marlene’s neighbor. Apparently, they were in an unofficial prank war. They have been for the past month. Lily doesn’t mind it as long as they’re not picking locks to get into each other’s houses.
“What did she do this time?”
“She’s fucking with me,” Marlene says. “She’s trying to invite me to Bagshot’s book signing this weekend.”
Lily blinks. What? “Don’t you want to go?”
Marlene sighs frustratedly. “Of course I do; that’s the fucking problem!”
Lily, stunned, did not know what to say. Marlene looked at her in the rearview mirror, silently asking her to drop it. She did. It’s not as if she could help Marlene anyway. She’d never met the woman.
And now, the only thing filling her ears was the incessant ticking of the clock in the living room (it’s only there because Mary likes it) and the honking of cars on the street. It’s 7:42pm, and Mary should be coming back soon. She’s been having to pick up more and more shifts at the hospital recently and is always coming back with this dejected frown. Lily cannot, for the life of her, cook (mainly because of her perfectionist tendencies), so takeout was well on its way. It should arrive a few minutes before Mary did. Mary mentioned wanting to try out the new Japanese place down the street, and Lily thought takeout was close enough. They’re still trying the food, after all.
February 13
Lily’s pacing around the apartment again. She wishes she didn’t feel so confined in its tiny walls. It’s Saturday, yet Mary still has to work. It’s frustrating. Lily knows today’s technically not Valentine’s Day, but she couldn’t help being a little over the top. She had dinner planned for them. Not at a restaurant or anything, but her own carefully selected meal with everything Mary loved. She’d even begged James to tell her how to make Mary’s favorite dish that his parents would always make. It was clear with the expression on his face that she was never going to live it down. The only reason he hadn’t started teasing her already was because he knew. Everyone knew, even if Lily didn’t say anything. She’d been talking about it for a while, and she and Mary spoke about it once. They’d always talked about living together forever, but not specifically about this.
That’s why it has to be a secret.
Everyone, except Mary, can know.
It’s not like they’re extremely close with their neighbors anyway.
Lily had rearranged the furniture once more and physically restrained herself from doing it again. Mary’s already shooting her questioning looks. They both know the only time Lily does this is when she’s extremely nervous, and usually Lily would be honest with her, but there’s a time and place for that, and it’s not here and now. It’s tomorrow, and Lily has everything rehearsed. She’d written everything she wanted to say and memorized basically all of it. Everything was going to go well. As long as neither of them fell ill. Either way, it was happening tomorrow.
Lily sits down tensely on the couch, staring at the light snow floating through the sky, before deciding to get back up again and reorganize the tea cupboard. She discovered he had more peppermint tea than she originally thought. She randomly grabbed at one of them and switched on the kettle. She paced around the kitchen waiting for the water to boil, biting nervously at her nails. Which was a horrible idea since she’d just gotten them painted dark red. She set her hands down and settled for fiddling with her rings. Which wasn’t rare. Lily thinks it’s less likely to tick Mary off more, but Mary knows she’s hiding something. Lily’s been trying to be a little more subtle about it, but she doesn’t think it’s working. She and Mary know each other too well. They have each other memorized like the back of their hands. Marlene, too, obviously, but in a different way.
Lily’s collection of rings grew a shit ton since uni ended, thanks to Marlene and Remus. Lily’s pretty sure Remus stole some of Sirius’ too. He says Sirius gets to attached to the ugly ones. Lily’s favorites are the chunky ones on her thumbs, the tiny pearls shaped into hearts on her pointer, and the green band on her middle finger.
Sometimes she flips people off just for the sake of showing it to them.
Lily adores them.
Today, she made sure her outfit for tomorrow was ready. She stole one of Marlene’s extremely oversized leather jackets (Lily’s still unsure why the fuck Marlene bought it) and spent an hour ironing a plain white dress shirt. Lily even dug out a sweater vest she knows Mary loves. She doesn’t know what she’s going to do with bottoms because it’s too cold for leggings and a maxi skirt (fuck whoever decided Canada should stay cold for 7 months of the year) (does she even own a maxi skirt?) She’s been scrolling on Pinterest for ideas but falling into a rabbit hole of making boards for everything she sees instead. Now, she’s back on Pinterest, nibbling her lip and adding to her jewelry board. Lily even pulled out a necklace she hasn’t worn in ages and is planning to deck herself out in every piece of jewelry she owns.
The only thing she’s told Mary is that they have plans for Valentine’s Day.
That only made Mary’s frown deepen.
“Plans?” She’d asked. “For what?”
Lily had shrugged, trying to act as if it wasn’t anything special. As if she wasn’t practically screaming at the top of her lungs in her mind. “You’ll find out.”
Mary accepted her reassuring smile but did not look at all reassured. Lily recognized those worry lines from a mile away.
The ping of the kettle interrupted her train of thought.
Lily had closed the shop today at 5 like normal because Mary had another long shift. Technically, she worked the day shift, but recently her boss had been pushing what constitutes as ‘day.’ Marlene had rattled on about how Meadowes had finally stopped asking her about the signing tomorrow and instead had shown up with 2 VIP tickets, and now Marlene was worrying about what to wear.
“Why do you care so much if it’s just a signing?” Lily blurted it out, regretting the words as soon as they left her mouth.
That shut Marlene up for a moment. “I…don’t know,” she responded hesitantly, staring out at the road.
Lily rested her head on the window. “Alright.”
Lily managed to burn her finger when pouring the hot ass water into her mug. Cursing, she ran to the sink and soaked it with cold water. That’s when Mary swung the door open, muttering to herself. She immediately glanced up at the sound of running water.
“Burn?” She asked, a wry smile on her face.
Lily rolled her eyes, smiling back. “Yeah.”
Mary snorted, dropping her bags, and rushed over to her.
“It’s not too bad,” Lily protested, as Mary inspected it.
“You’re lucky it’s not too bad,” Mary replied. “Wouldn’t want you to ruin those plans of yours tomorrow.”
Lily’s smile wavers slightly. Anyone else wouldn’t have caught it.
Mary smiles ruefully. “You still not going to tell me what they are?”
Lily shakes her head resolutely. “No. That would ruin the fun.” Just for the fun of it, she pouts. Mary stares at her, her lips forming a smirk that makes Lily blush. She tries to turn away, but Mary’s arms have snaked around her waist and pulled her into a light kiss.
“Will you tell me if I beg for it?” Mary tries.
Lily rolls her eyes, snorting. “You’re still in your scrubs.”
Mary looked down, frowning. “You didn’t seem to care a minute ago.”
Lily flushes again, turning the tap off. She goes back to her mug, holding it up so the vague peppermint floats through her nose.
Mary turns to go. Lily grabs her wrist lightly. “You have no plans for tomorrow, right?”
“Why, you think Shirley has me working on a weekend?” Lily can hear Mary’s lopsided smile.
Lily covers her snort with a smile. “Just checking,” she replies softly.
Mary throws a quick smile at her before shimmying off her scrubs and heading to the bathroom. Lily hums to herself as she nurses her mug of tea, looking through the fridge. Cooking is something she’s never been able to perfect, but she can help Mary prepare.
February 14
Lily barely slept last night, excitement biting into her veins. She forced herself to get at least a good 7 hours so she’d have energy for the day, yet still managed to wake up before the sun. She’s nursing her second cup of tea when the sun finally rises, yawning as it gets ready for the day. Lily sits on the couch, watching the sky change colors and trying not to worry about the day.
Once the clock hits 9am, Lily gets up. The sky’s long past changing colors and has fully risen for the day. Lily still feels quite tired, though it’s going to be worth it. Everything was going to be worth it. She gets dressed, tiptoeing quietly in and out of the room.
Mary deserved her beauty sleep.
Lily sure as fuck wasn’t going to interrupt it.
She spent a few minutes staring at herself in the bathroom mirror. It’s been a while since she’s dissected herself like this, but this time, it was for a completely different reason. Today was the day. It was going to be perfect.
Once she was done, her face was lightly touched up, she sat on the armchair facing the bed. She watches as little puffs of air come out of Mary as she scrunches her eyes, and as she rolls onto the area Lily was this morning. Lily doubts it still warm. She regards Mary with the same serenity she did when they were in university, even before they got together. At the time she hadn’t realized it, but she loved how peaceful Mary looked in the morning. She loves the way the sun settles on Mary’s skin, dancing across it lightly as if in awe of her beauty. It makes her look like a fallen angel. Lily’s fallen angel. It is also the only time (other than in the blazing heat of summer) that Lily gets to see her freckles. They’re like tiny constellations, flecked all across her face. Mary’s eyelashes flutter lightly, and the knot in Lily’s stomach only tightens. She’s waking up. It’s at this moment Lily realizes that she could come off as creepy. She was being weird, staring at Mary in her sleep.
She cringes, pretending to look out the window, sipping her tea, making a little heart with the leftover cream. She’s already on her 3rd cup. If she wants to sleep tonight, she should probably stop soon.
Mary flops over on the bed. “Lil?” She groans.
Lily’s head snaps back to her. “You’re up early.”
Mary shoots her a tired look and groans again, rolling onto her back. A wave of panic shoots up Lily’s spine. Something’s wrong.
“Mary?” She asks cautiously, placing her mug on the bedside table. Lily sits down beside her, reaching a hand to Mary’s forehead. Normal. Mary looks up at her miserably, though. “What’s wrong?” It doesn’t even cross her mind that if something were to go wrong, she’d have a long bill of cancellation fees and phone calls. All she cares about is Mary.
“I…” Mary shifts so she’s sitting up and peels the blanket back. There’s a small blob of red on the dark green bedsheets. “I’m dying,” she croaks dramatically, flopping back onto the mattress and curling into a ball.
“Oh, shit,” Lily muttered. “Wait here; I’ll go get a pad. Do you need a heating pad? Advil?”
Mary laid there, inclining her head slightly. “Just the heating pad.”
Lily ran to the bathroom, rummaging through the cupboards. Shit. Had she remembered to buy them when they’d run out last time? Did they even have tampons? Did they ever have tampons? Cursing herself, she rushes to the kitchen to pour a glass of water for Mary. Still cursing herself, Lily returned to the room with only a heating pad, a glass of water, and a towel for Mary so she doesn’t bleed too much onto the bed (which is a slightly hopeless case, but oh well).
“We ran out of pads,” she explains sheepishly. “I’m going to run to the store to get some, okay?”
Mary nods, the tiny lift of her lips distracting Lily’s nerves for the barest moment.
“Go bitch,” Mary says, exasperated. She waves a dismissive hand at Lily. Lily blows a raspberry at her, grabbing her jacket and keys before leaving.
Lily’s not used to driving her own car. Sure, her and Marlene drove together to work but that doesn’t mean Lily doesn’t drive at all. She drives sometimes, but usually it’s Marlene’s [car here]. Lily’s pink minivan was a gift from her mother, and she’s not a huge fan of driving it (mostly because she has to drive it alone, making the minivan feel awfully empty). Her and Mary rarely had date nights, and if they did, Marlene was always their chauffeur.
Their apartment isn’t far from the nearest Walmart, but the smell always makes Lily wrinkle her nose. It’s some mix between an air freshener, and the smell of a waxy floor. She’s overwhelmed by the sheer amount of shelves, and is reminded yet again why Mary usually does the shopping. She doesn’t look where she’s walking, and runs directly into someone. All within the first minute she’s in the store. It’s embarrassing.
“Lils?” Marlene’s bewildered voice asks.
Lily turns, eyebrows furrowing. “Marls? What are you doing here?” Marlene shops at Walmart?
“What are you doing here? Didn’t you have everything planned for today?”
Lily sighs. “Her period came early this time.”
Marlene tutted, shaking her head. “And you didn’t restock the last time you ran out?”
Lily bowed her head shamefully. “It…slipped my mind.”
Marlene shook her head, looping her arm into Lily’s. “Stop moping, Lils,” she replied. “You can always ask another day.” Marlene says all of this, blissfully unaware that it has to be today. It’s the most romantic day of the whole year (other than Christmas), and Lily doesn’t know if there’s anyone else she’d rather spend the rest of her life with than Mary. There’s a stutter in her gut that tells her it’s today. Today’s the day, and for once, she’s not working herself up for nothing.
Lily lets Marlene drag her to the ‘feminine hygiene products’ aisle (honestly, was it that hard to put pads and tampons on the sign?), and tossed packages of pads into her bin. She reaches for a box of tampons.
Lily grasps her hand. “She doesn’t use those anymore, remember?” Lily can’t keep the fond smile off of her face.
Marlene rolled her eyes. “Right.” In 4th year, none of them knew how the fuck to use period pads or tampons. None of them had older sisters, or mothers who wished to speak about it with them. So, of course, being silly 14 year olds and not knowing why the fuck they’re bleeding out of their asses, they figured out how to use pads. Then, they’d tried teaching themselves how to use tampons. Which, of course, failed spectacularly. None of them knew how to use it properly, and one time, Mary got one stuck up her ass (in the wrong hole) and they went to the ER (all 3 of them because Mary needed the emotional support) (really, Lily thinks it was just because they wanted to make sure none of them would do anything like that ever again). Mary had vowed never to use a tampon again. Marlene shrugged it off, and she figured out how to use it (which, props to her), but Lily’s never tried it before. The mere sound of something being up her ass for a maximum of 6 hours (how would she even keep track?) sounded not only painful but extremely irritating. Mary’s cramps were the only ones that were really horrible. Well, if Marlene’s were bad she was good at hiding it. Mary would always be the one to lie around, moaning in pain for 5 days. The only thing that even slightly helped was Advil, but even then, she still felt like shit. During school, she’d suppressed it (for obvious reasons), but Lily could always tell she didn’t feel like herself.
Then, Marlene had dragged Lily into a checkout line that was not self checkout.
As they put down their stuff, the cashier—who is continuing to pale by the second—looks even more embarrassed than Lily does. “Why would you choose to come to this one?” Lily murmured, glaring daggers at Marlene, who’s placing box after box of pads onto the conveyor belt with a slight smirk on her face.
Marlene simply laughs before tapping her card onto the pin pad.
“I could’ve paid, you know,” Lily argues.
Marlene waves her away, helping to put everything in the trunk of Lily’s car. “Anything for Mars.”
Lily rolled her eyes.
“Bye, bitch.” Marlene smiled, ruffling Lily’s head.
Lily stood on her toes, smacking Marlene lightly. “Fuck you.”
Marlene flipped her off as she walked away.
~
“Lily?” Mary’s voice echoed through the halls.
“Mary?” Lily threw her jacket off, flinging herself to the bedroom. “Are you alright?” She asks, slightly breathless.
Mary lolls her head so that she’s looking directly at Lily. Her mouth slides into a lopsided smile. “Hey.”
Lily rolls her eyes, smiling despite herself. “Hey.” She dumps the bags on the bed. “I didn’t know which ones you needed this time, so I got all of them.” Lily scratches her head, realizing how silly her admission sounds.
Mary laughs as she grabs a box and heads unsteadily to the washroom.
Lily takes this time to drink the rest of her tea (which had gone cold), and refilling Mary’s glass of water. On the little table they formally called the dining table (usually, they just ate on the couch), there wasn’t much. A few pieces of bread left from the loaf Mary baked on Monday, and a muffin. It’s times like these that Lily regrets not learning to cook properly.
“Hey, Lily,” Mary called from the bathroom.
“Yeah?” Lily walked up to the door.
“Why’s there chicken noodle ramen in here?”
Lily can’t help but smile. Marlene had probably shoved it in there when Lily wasn’t looking. She laughs quietly to herself.
“Why’re you laughing?”
Lily shakes her head, resting it on the door. “It’s for lunch.”
There’s a pause.
“What time is it?” Mary asks suddenly.
“Why, you made plans?” Is Lily’s response.
“How long was I moping about for?” Mary demands.
Lily reaches into her pocket, 10:34am flashing on her screen. “Half an hour, give or take.”
“Do we still have Advil?” Mary asks, her voice slightly weaker.
“We should,” Lily replied, “top cupboard on the left.”
“Thanks, Lils,” Mary says.
Lily stands, albeit awkwardly, beside the bathroom. Just in case. Mary comes out in a new set of pajamas, tossing the old ones into the sink.
Lily opens her mouth to object.
“I’ll wash them later.” Mary waves a tired hand. “Right now, food.”
Lily rolls her eyes playfully. “Food? What about it?”
Mary narrows her eyes at Lily. “I yearn for food,” she deadpanned, a twitch of her lip the only indicator that she was holding back a laugh.
“There’s still some of the banana bread you made, and a muffin,” Lily lists. “Don’t eat too much, though, we’re having lunch soon.”
Mary pecks Lily on the cheek. “You’re the best, Lils.” Lily froze, an embarrassing amount of heat rushing to her cheeks. Her heart pounding, and another tug from her gut.
It’s today, it whispers. Today.
Lily takes a deep breath, trying to calm her fraying nerves. She takes another deep breath, her heart calming down before she follows Mary into the kitchen.
Mary’s humming to herself as she takes a bite of her half eaten slice of bread. Lily smiles, shaking her head as she pours another mug-ful of tea. Mary watches her as she eeny meeny miney moe’d her next flavor. She ends up choosing peppermint again. It’ll help calm her down.
She slides in across from Mary. “Didn’t you have dinner last night?” Lily asks, watching Mary devour the rest of her slice.
Mary chewed as she thought. “Maybe? I don’t know.”
Lily smiled softly at her, sipping her tea as Mary enjoyed the rest of her breakfast in silence.
“Sorry your day was ruined,” Mary mutters apologetically.
Lily shrugs. “It doesn’t matter as long as it’s with you.” This makes Mary’s cheeks redden, smug butterflies swarming in Lily’s mind.
“The only reason you’re getting away with that is because it’s Valentine’s,” responds Mary.
“Why, I can’t pour my girlfriend with sappy compliments?” Lily smirks, taking another sip of tea.
Mary glares at her with no heat. “Shut up.” She smiles despite herself. It makes Lily break out into a grin. “So, what did you have planned for the day?”
Lily rolls her eyes. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”
Mary raised her eyebrows. “If I have enough Advils it could.”
“Nice try,” Lily responded. She kept their med usage under a tight grip, just in case. Besides, if Mary was half lucid the day wouldn’t go as planned, either.
Mary sighed, leaning against her elbows. “What are we doing today, then?”
Lily smirks, digging up remaints of an old plan. For Mary’s 20th birthday, she’d had the most horrid cramps, and they couldn’t go anywhere. That time was even worse than this. For now, the Advil seems to be working its magic. If it remained that way for the next two hours…
Lily glanced at the clock. 11:01am. They’d make it if they rushed.
They were out the door in minutes, Mary driven by the sheer excitement of not having to work today, and Lily by the fraying edges of her nerves. Lily wiped her hands on her pants again, taking another deep breath.
“So, where’re we going?” Mary asked again, hand sliding into Lily’s. Lily stuck their hands in Mary’s pocket.
Lily merely grins. “You’ll see.” It’s the same response she’s been giving her for the entirety of the walk there. It wasn’t far from the apartment, and it wasn’t too cold. Besides, Mary insisted sitting restlessly was bad for her uterus. This would only take an hour, and then, when the Advil wore off (because it always wore off before 7 hours), they’d be home. And even with the Advil, that doesn’t stop Mary’s bizarre cravings. Lily just hopes that they have it all at home.
Mary sighs, shrinking into her scarf.
Turning the corner, Lindsay’s Pottery’s sign became visible. Mary had been trying to book a pottery class there for the past year, and have only been there once. Lily’s never done it before, but she’d do just about anything if it’ll make Mary happy. Lily watched out of the corner of her eyes nervously as Mary’s face transformed from bewildered to shocked to elated. Mary practically flung herself at Lily, knocking her over in an attempt to hug her.
“Lils!” She practically squealed. “Aren’t they packed?”
Lily grins, kissing Mary lightly. “It’s a beginner class,” she said against Mary’s lips. “With the teacher you liked? Monroe?”
Mary kissed her again. It wasn’t exactly a kiss, Mary was grinning far too much for it to have worked properly but Lily was filled with the same fluttery sensation anyway. “I love you, so so much.” Mary smacked a messy kiss to Lily’s cheek before pulling them inside.
The pottery class isn’t extraordinary. Lily’s never tried anything of the sort, and can never seem to get it right. Mary loves it. Lily knows by the faint crinkle beside her eye that Mary’s entranced. She’s not quite sure what Mary sees in it, but if it makes her happy, Lily’s willing to sit here and make a fool of herself. Even if it does make her squirm a little when the teacher gives her advice. Loudly. She’d looked over at Mary, who just started laughing. Lily flicked her little clay statue, and Mary had knocked Lily’s entirely off the stand. Both of them had spent the rest of the class laughing until Mary settled down and started focusing on her clay thing again (apparently it was a bowl). Lily had managed to make a rather lumpy shaped one, but Mary’s had turned out perfect. Monroe said they could pick them up in the next 3-5 business days to paint, if they wished.
It’s almost 1 by the time they got back, exhausted. On the way home, Lily watched as Mary eyed every candy store they passed. Then, Lily found herself between the shelves of one, carrying almost 2 pounds of different flavors of licorice and sour candies. She, of course, paid.
Mary tossed off her shoes and jacket, throwing herself on the couch and munching on a rainbow colored licorice. “Thanks, Lils.”
Lily smiled, walking to the couch. “Is all of that good for you?” She perches on the armrest (the only spot on the couch still available).
Mary pouted, shifting a little to let Lily sit down properly. “You paid, so might as well make the most of it.”
Lily rolled her eyes. “Right, then,” she says, getting up. “I guess I’ll just make lunch for myself.”
“Noooo!” Mary whined. “I want lunch, too.” Lily can hear the pout in her voice.
“But if you’re eating all that candy…”
“Fine,” Mary huffed. “I’ll eat it later.”
Lily smiled, walking to the kitchen. “Lunch it is.”
~
Lily chewed on her noodles quietly as Mary was slurping it up. She didn’t mind silences like this, where they were just quiet. She’d stopped feeling the awful urge to say something just for the sake of saying something. They hadn’t spent much time like this recently, with Mary’s shifts becoming more erratic and Lily’s planning for…this. Lily could tell Mary’s cramps were acting up again, and the sugar cravings would definitely come back later. She sighed internally. She doesn’t even mind that she’ll have to pay countless cancellation fees and make phone calls tomorrow morning because she gets to spend today like this. With Mary. Alone.
“So, what are we doing now?” Mary asked, inhaling the rest of her soup.
“What do you want to do?” Was Lily’s response.
“Is that a trick question?” Mary peered at Lily through her peripheral vision.
Lily shook her head. “No. What do you want to do?”
Mary looked at her empty bowl thoughtfully. She chewed on the inside of her cheek. “Can we watch Finding Dory…?” She didn’t meet Lily’s eyes.
Lily couldn’t help laughing softly. Mary’s scared she’ll judge her. “Of course.”
Mary looked up, a startled smile on her face. “Of course?”
“We’ve been together 3 years, I know it’s your favorite Disney movie.” Lily’s lip twitches. Mary grins, and for a moment, that’s everything. The simple acknowledgement that they know each other. A mini code between them, the thing only they know because they’re so simply them.
Lily can’t even focus on the movie because Mary’s snuggled into her. Lily ends up just watching Mary, entranced by the small ways her expressions change. It’s moments like these where Lily’s reminded of the reality that life can simply be this. Just Lily and Mary. Mary and Lily. Together. Hands intertwined between them, and a distance filled by infinite threads.
At some point, Mary dozes off on Lily’s shoulder. Lily hears her little puffs of breath, and quiet murmuring.
Lily reaches into her pocket, where she’d put it before. It’s not there. She suppresses a wave of panic, and gently nudges Mary off her arm and onto the couch. Quietly tiptoeing into their room, checking all the drawers she could’ve left it in. Had she lost it on the way to pottery? Had she even had it in her pocket this morning? Had she checked?
She rumaged under their covers, and in the bathroom.
There it was, glistening tauntingly at Lily. It’s embarrassing how relieved she felt.
She went back to the living room (or, the living room section of the kitchen) and walked around. She’d had a lot of time to come up with her speech, but none of them had been perfect. She’d even made flashcards for the one that she’d liked, but it didn’t feel right. She flicked through her ideas, heart picking up as she realized she didn’t have one she liked. Lily always planned things. She always perfected things to the best of her ability, and if this wasn’t perfect then she’d done all this worrying for nothing. They’d spent 3 years together. There’s no right time to do it, but Lily knows it is. Marlene might think it’s nothing, and say she could do it any other day and Mary’s response would be the same.
But what would Lily say?
She watches Mary, curled up on the couch. What can she say that will encompass everything she feels? Everything she wants to tell Mary that defies words? Actions? Anything that Lily could ever do? She doesn’t even realize she’s pacing before the floor creaks, her head shooting back to see if Mary woke. She nibbles on her lip, sitting down, before standing back up. When was she even going to do it? Should she wait until dinner? Make it romantic? Or should she have done it before pottery? Should she have done it during the movie?
Should she even do it today?
If her gut was so right, shouldn’t it have been done already? Why hadn’t it just popped out? Should she have planned this right to the smallest details? Would that have made her feel better?
She wipes her palms on her pants, sitting on the armchair diagonal to the couch. It’s okay. It’s too late to change anything in the past, anyway. She’s just going to have to follow her gut.
Lily wasn’t even this nervous this morning. Maybe it’s the caffeine catching up to her. Maybe it’s her lack of sleep. Maybe it’s the fact that she’s known it was going to be today, yet she didn’t do everything in her power to plan out everything. And now she’s panicking. And worrying. And doing everything she told herself she wouldn’t do.
“Lils?” Mary’s groggy voice snaps Lily out of her daze.
That’s when she realizes she’s on her knee in front of the couch, probably staring googly-eyed at Mary like she’s crazy.
“Will you marry me?” She blurts out, having no poetic way to put it.
Mary blinks at her.
The words start pouring out of Lily before she even has time to think about it. “I don’t know how exactly to put this, but, here goes.” She inhales, staring into Mary’s eyes because she lets her. “There’s this theory out there, that soulmates aren’t tied together by simply one feeble string, but many. Everyone out there as their own threads, attaching them to different people. The people whose strings you’re most tied to end up being your friends. It’s something I thought of when I heard of the invisible string theory. I’ve loved you since I’ve known you, even if it took years for me to finally put it into words. You’re the person attached to most of my strings. You get me in a way no one else ever has, and you never push me to do things I don’t want to. You’re wonderful in a way that words cannot encompass, and I just want you to know, even if you say no, that I love you. I love you with everything I have, every crevice in my wretched soul, every tear that I’ve cried and every smile I’ve ever given. I love you, Mary Macdonald, and I will love you no matter what you say. Will you marry me?” Lily exhales, before holding her breath. Mary’s still staring at her, jaw slightly open. There’s a new sheen in her eyes, and her face is so wonderfully flushed. Lily doesn’t even remember what she said, and it doesn’t matter. Everything is out there, everything she’s wanted to say and more. She knows Mary like the back of her hand, yet she can’t decipher what this silence means.
“Of course,” Mary breathes. “I assume you have a ring?” She smirks a little.
Lily smacks herself, of course. She reached into her pocket and fumbled for the simple band in it. “Sorry,” she mumbled, face turning red.
Mary laughs, albeit a little dazed. “I can’t believe you’re my fiancee.” She shifts so one of her hands is out.
Lily’s hand quivers as she slips the ring onto Mary’s finger and another into her palm. “I pre-ordered from the company. It’s been sitting in my pocket for the past month,” she confesses quietly as Mary slips the simple silver band with one small diamond in the middle. She watches in awe as Mary holds her hands gentler than she ever has before.
Mary pulls her into a kiss, an explosion going unheard in her chest. Lily finally understands the ridiculously sappy drivel around being the happiest person on earth when you propose. She finally understands why people spew such sap on dates, and online. She finally understands what the little bursting in her chest means and it’s all because of Mary. Mary, who’s shown her a new world hidden just beneath the one she was already in. Mary, who’s held her hand through every nightmare. Mary, who’s held her everytime she cried. Mary, who’s always, always been there, and will always be there. Mary, who was the first person to smile at Lily when she came to school and Lily knew right then and there that she was fucked for the rest of her life.
There has only ever been one name Lily wanted carved in her bones. Only one person she’s ever wanted to live in quiet comfort with. One person she could watch and rewatch all those stupid Disney movies with. One person she could talk and talk and talk with without having to monitor what she says. One person who understands her, yet is so much more different. One person who stole Lily’s heart and never gave it back. One person who cared for Lily even when she didn’t. One person who was there for everything, and still stayed. One person Lily will always, eternally be grateful for. One person whose arms are clasped around her neck like she’s her lifeline, and she’s on top of the world.
Mary.
It’s only ever been Mary.
Her first love, her first kiss, her first everything.
Lily vaguely wonders if the historians are jealous they’ll never see a supernova like this again. If the astronomers are still trying to decipher the brightness of their happiness. If the authors are still trying to find the words to capture their emotions, if the painters are still trying to find the colors to match their eccentricity.
In this little space, it’s just them. Just Lily and Mary and Mary and Lily. No one else will ever be able to come between them. No one else can even begin to comprehend the beauty that is their love story. Lily and Mary, their lifeline the invisible strings tying them together. Just Mary and Lily. Lily and Mary.
Just them.