Tree Debate
On the outside, Remus looked like his normal calm, stoic self. On the inside however, his heart was thundering against his ribs as he waited for the door’s conformational beeps. A few days have passed since his meeting with the vigilante Padfoot- What the fuck sort of a name is Padfoot- and it was now the weekend. Coincidentally, it was officially Remus’ day off. Up until this point, Remus had never left The Order building. Residual habits from his apprentice days, he supposed. Apprentices weren’t allowed to leave the facilities, under any circumstances, unless accompanied by an older, qualified Hero, on an assigned training mission. Despite the fact that he has now almost been a qualified hero for 3 years, he still hasn’t been able to break the pattern and leave the compound. With permission, of course.
A small voice inside of him laments that he was supposed to have certain people by his side when he finally did. Remus swallowed harshly, as if he could get rid of the thought that way.
Regardless of his weird name or strange behaviour on the rooftop, Remus could not for the life of him shake away the grip Padfoot’s words have had on him. Or maybe it was the way his masked face was cocked in genuine confusion at the realisation that Remus didn’t know anyone outside of The Order. Of course, he couldn’t know that The Order was Remus’ entire life. The brief flashes of a family filled with kindness were rare in his memories, as were the patchy unreliable years in between the ‘incident’ and his arrival at The Order. Really, he should feel grateful for The Order, for taking him in as they have, helping him manage his unreliable and explosive powers. This acknowledgment left his mouth sour with the taste of guilt, and he was relieved when the door finally blinked green with confirmation.
He gripped his tattered tote bag he’d dug up for his excursion nervously as he looked at the exit. He’d never gone through the civilian exit before. Taking a deep breath, he forced his body into motion and began to walk, one foot in front of the other.
This was strange. Remus felt very strange. He felt like an outsider, even though he was just walking the streets he knew like the back of his hand. He’s been on these streets hundreds of times, why does he feel like every movement could send him tumbling? Remus plucked at his civilian clothing uncomfortably, and shifted his bag in an attempt to make the action seem more normal. When he deemed he’d been walking for long enough he quickly glanced around at his surroundings. Gryffindor Park, read the sign. The other people in the park were scattered around, their actions casual and various, so Remus felt he could blend in well enough. He made his way over to a large oak tree, not quite in the centre of the park but a little more to the left, with some well-needed shade underneath its branches. He sat down, back pressed comfortably against the trunk.
The people moved past him, all so busy with their own lives in a way that was quite comforting to Remus. He just watched. Watched as the small girl ran away from her mother with squealing giggles and a bright smile on her face, as an old man dutifully rode his bike to cross the park, as an old lady slowly scattered food for the gathered pigeons, as the young couple walked hand in loving hand, and so on. They paid no notice to Remus, at most they spared him a passing glance. But to Remus he fought hard to keep the expression of glee off his face. The sheer relief at feeling normal was unmatched. He hasn’t been around strangers outside of his Hero gear watchful eyes for so many years, just simply being able to have people walk by him was like heaven. He sighed a deep breath, content.
Hours must’ve ticked by while Remus sat calmly, leaned against the tree. He had pulled out a notebook at some point, mostly to stop looking like he had nothing to do. He tapped the pen against his leg absentmindedly, occasionally chewing on the top before catching himself.
Remus’ peaceful trance was interrupted as his instincts kicked in screaming seconds before a shape moved quickly out of the corner of his eye. Although every reactionary fibre in his body screamed to split the earth between them, Remus quickled wrestled down his trained reaction as he realised it was just another person. Said person had stormed over to his tree with a rather pissed-off expression, before smoothly slumping down with a huff and leaning against it, not unlike Remus was. Her red flaming hair fell behind her as she flicked it out of her face.
Remus cleared his throat awkwardly. He’d never been put in this situation before. Everyone he knew at The Order was normally very reserved about outwardly showing their emotions, and also sitting in such close proximity to Remus. (Despite fighting on their side for so many years, his powers still proved to make people uneasy.)
“Um, hello?” He offered, cringing at the mumbled volume of his voice.
The red hair flicked around again as the girl’s head snapped around to look at him in shock, quickly followed by the shuffling of her body as she oriented herself to face him and edge slightly backwards, no longer oddly close to him. “Oh shit!” She blurted in surprise. “Oh, I’m so sorry! I did not see you there at all- I was just so in my head and this is where I normally sit and I’m just so used to never looking, I was just caught so off guard!”
Remus couldn’t help but laugh, her rushed words putting a smile on his face. At least he wasn’t the only one in this interaction fucking up.
“Do you mind if I sit here?” She questioned.
“Not at all,” he answered, waving his hands in a way that motioned she could relax again.
A peaceful moment of silence passed between the two, just sitting with their backs against the tree as they looked out at the park and the people in it.
“So what’s your name?” The girl broke the silence to ask him.
Remus turned his head slightly to glance at her, pondering. She wasn’t looking back at him, her gaze remained fixed on the park as his were before. It was a good buffer. The steady rhythm of his heart stuttered slightly as it spiked. He’s never been able to introduce himself before. At least not with an identity that he cared about.
“Remus,” the word fell easily from his lips, “and yours?”
“Lily,” came the response, “nice to meet you, Remus.”
Hearing his name from the mouth of someone who isn’t Dumbledoor lifted a weight off his chest that Remus wasn’t even aware of. His name, said so freely once again, with no backhandedness or hidden threat to be seen. He smiled.
His gaze was still slightly looking towards the girl, Lily, and he found himself wanting to continue their conversation.
“Can I ask what caused the, uh, sudden sit down?” Remus asked.
“Ughh,” Lily huffed, “It’s just some stupid work drama, I suppose.” She glanced over at him, meeting his eyes briefly but Remus was quick to break eye contact, electing to look at the dirt beside her instead, aware of her sight still on him. “Would you really like to hear about it? I’m fine if you don’t really- It’s probably awfully dull for someone else.”
Remus shook his head with a small laugh. “Please, go right ahead.” Small drama seemed like a blissful heaven in his eyes.
“Right so- There’s this guy I work with right? Well I guess work isn’t actually the right word- I intern, I’m still at Uni- and this guy he- “ Lily cut herself off with a groan, burying her head in her hands.
“Ok, let me restart- ignore that. I just get so frustrated and it makes it hard to get all the right words out, you know?” Remus nodded his head, albeit hesitantly. He had the opposite problem, where when his rage took over it also seized his tongue, spitting out barbed words and harsh statements that he couldn’t take back.
“So, I’m interning with this journalism company- It’s supposed to be super good experience and they only give out two spots a year so honestly I was really lucky to even get one at all.” Her fists pulled at the grass they were sitting on, hands occupying themselves with picking it apart as she spoke. “And- for the most part- it’s really good. And I should really be over the moon right now, because the other intern who got picked is Sev, one of my closest friends.” Remus decided that ignoring the wince that ended her sentence would be best.
“But it’s just- frustrating.” She said, sighing deeply and trailing off.
“Frustrating? Frustrating how?” Remus prompted gently.
“It’s like he’s- I don’t know- encouraging it.” Lily sits up a little as she speaks now, a spark beginning to light up her eyes. “There’s something deeply wrong with the journalism Remus. With the reporters. The company, the whole system.”
“How?” He asked.
“The heroes,” came her answer. She continued on, too inspired by her passionate tangent to notice the way Remus’ hands clenched tightly against his worn clothes.
“I don’t think the public is getting the full truth. Something’s being hidden from me, I know it. And it’s something to do with the fucked up cat and mouse game they’ve got going on with The Order and the vigilantes and the villains. I think there’s something bigger at play, and every lead I try to pick up is being cut right in front of my eyes. It’s being censored. And I want to know why.”
She paused for a breath,
“And Sev is- playing along with it. And it hurts me. That he’s siding with them. They’re ridiculing me, as if I’m off on some wild goose chase, when I know I’m not. And we’ve been friends for so long and he won’t even look me in the eyes when we’re at work. And then he wonders why I’m not his biggest fan when we’re in class.” She huffed sarcastically.
Remus was shocked into silence.
Obviously, he wasn’t stupid. He knew something was up with The Order. They couldn’t entirely shake his humanity, he still knew it couldn’t be right the training they put kids through so young. An image of four young boys huddled together in a room at night, tenderly dressing each other's wounds as best as they could in preparation for the next ruthless day flashed into his mind, but he once again quickly disregarded it. Not now. But he didn’t know it was outwardly visible, and this filled him with alarm. The Order saved his life, after all. He owed them his loyalty, and this included him making sure it wasn’t collapsed from the outside in.
“Wow,” was all he could weakly manage to muster. A pause dragged out, “... Sounds like a real dick.”
This apparently shocked a laugh out of Lily, who’s face began to brighten up.
“Yeah,” she joked, “a real dick.”
“For what it’s worth Lily, I hope you make it. Even with a dick of a friend and intern who doesn’t help.” Remus couldn’t stop the words that tumbled from his mouth. His stomach clenched in horror. He couldn’t believe what he just said, why he would wish harm on The Order.
His nerves were ramping up to go into a full fledged panic mode, before Lily began to speak again, the cadence of her voice and words causing Remus to stop and focus. She was pointing at a young boy who was walking his dog through the park, the dog being almost the size of him and really seemed to be the one leading the way.
Remus smirked at the sight, before pointing out the tragedy that was someone’s freshly purchased snack spread out across the pathway. Lily chuckled.
The conversation flowed easily, once Lily had clearly gotten what needed to be said off her chest, and Remus could finally feel his fingertips again. Curse Padfoot for being right, he thought. Talking to someone who wasn’t fully involved in the hero or vigilante business from the inside was very relieving. In all honesty, Remus hasn’t had a free day feel so normal and peaceful since-
The small watch he was mandated to wear on his wrist at all times flashed once, before constricting and sending small needle-like spikes into the skin below. He grimaced. A villain attack. Great.
He pulled himself to his feet with a sigh. The stabbing pain in his wrist wasn’t enough to damage him, but to serve as a constant reminder. It wouldn’t go away until he was fully equipped and signed out to go face it in HQ. He looked down at Lily’s questioning face and felt a pang of sadness at having to leave his new friend so soon.
Crap. He’s never had to come up with an excuse for leaving before. Lily looked at him expectantly.
“I, uh- um, I’ve gotta… go.” He finished lamely, chucking a thumbs up over his shoulder in the direction he’d be headed. Lily’s head tilted slightly.
“Oh? Really?”
“Yeah, so sorry,” his words were all coming out in a hurry now, the watch fastening a little tighter. Maybe watch was too nice a word. Handcuffs seemed more accurate at this moment. Be quiet.
“It was so nice meeting you Lily, it really was, I’ll talk to you later!” He turned around and began to walk as quickly, which wouldn’t arouse confusion from the other park-goers as he made his swift - and very normal - exit.
His last glimpse of Lily was of her standing on her feet, watching him round the corner. But not following him- that was the important part. Once out of eyeshot, Remus broke into a run.
Time to see who today’s villain of the week was.