Faded with you

“Do you consider yourself a lucky person, Mr. Potter?” the Divination professor asked that day, as Sirius and James were currently having a mini fight with the tea bags the class was working with and weren't exactly listening to the lesson. James looked up and the professor smiled at him as Sirius hastily arranged the tea bags, quickly putting them back under the amused gaze of the class.

James Fleamont Potter has always considered himself a very lucky person. And he couldn't be happier about it. He had two parents who would have given their lives to make him happy. He had excellent grades in all subjects. He was captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team and had a good, if not excellent, chance of playing professionally as soon as he finished his final year at Hogwarts. He had some amazing friends that he would give his life to make sure they were happy and safe, not to mention that during his fifth year, one of his best friends, Sirius Black, had moved into his house and so now he also had a kind of of brother. Not to mention, also, the fact that he was lucky enough to be part of the famous "Marauders" and the fact that he was even an Animagus (albeit illegally but those are just small details). So yes, James Potter considered himself a lucky person. The only thing he lacked though was one of the things he actually wanted the most but that seemed practically impossible to have. And that thing, or rather, that person, had a name.

And his name was Regulus Arcturus Black.

That's right, Black as Sirius Black, his best friend, because Regulus was Sirius' brother. And James had a crush on him for quite some time now. Only a few people knew about this thing. Four, to be precise, which were, Remus, who really didn't miss anything, his mother, because obviously Euphemia had only one look to understand what her child was trying to hide, Marlene, his best friend since childhood as well as his neighbor, who had practically forced him to confess after immobilizing and threatening him and Pandora Lestrange, Regulus's best friend actually, who was a lovely girl and practically untouchable at Hogwarts thanks to her group of Slytherin friends, who had passed by James in the corridor one day, after Regulus had passed him without even looking at him (not a novelty) and had whispered an “I'm on your side, James.” Giving him a wink and a knowing smile before reaching Regulus as if nothing had happened, leaving James alone in the corridor, motionless to think about what the girl could be referring to if not that. Spoiler: he had found no other answer.

The thing was, James had always been successful with people in general. He was full of friends and he could not deny it, and not only in his own House, but in the others as well. He had never had difficulty making friends, it was something that came naturally to him, as it was his mother. The only person who didn't seem to want to have anything to do with him, however, was Regulus, who, especially since he had stopped talking to Sirius, towards his second and their third year, seemed to hate James even more, which he had also confirmed several times. And honestly, how lucky does it have to be for a guy to be hated by the one guy you don't want to be hated by because maybe you’re in love with him? Apparently James had a lot of that luck.

During the last two years, however, things had changed, also due to the fact that one day, Sirius had entered the dormitory as silent as ever and obviously, Peter, Remus and James were worried, because Sirius was rarely that silent, and after sitting on the bed he had whispered a: “Regulus has run away from home.” And oh, the moment James heard those words he immediately felt a feeling of relief, and then happiness, and then confusion and fear, because if he had escaped from there, if he had actually succeeded, something must have happened, right?

James never found out exactly why Regulus had left, but after a few days the boy was back at Hogwarts, and even though he looked tired, and Barty and Evan were always, literally always, one on one side and the other on the other like bodyguards with him, the boy seemed to be fine. And though at first he spoke as little as possible and avoided Sirius more skillfully than he ever had, over time the two brothers had grown close again. The fact is that now Sirius and Regulus seemed to finally be back to normal, at least, their normal, and James could not be happier. The only thing was…Regulus didn't want to have a relationship with James anyway. Of any kind.

So yes, James Potter was considered luck in many respects. But on one of the ones he cared about the most, and on which he really wanted to get lucky, he wasn't. So his answer was:

“I am lucky in many things, professor, I would be lying to say otherwise but to be the lucky i want to be, I still miss one thing.”

“Well, if you're just missing one, I hope that you’ll have that and—Mr. Black, put those tea bags down before misfortune befalls you.” the professor said as Sirius dropped from his hands with an offended look as the class laughed.

“Prongs?” Sirius asked after some time had passed and James, who was concentrating on his tea bag, didn't look up, but said anyway.

“Mhm.”

“What's the one thing you're missing to be completely lucky?”

“What?” James asked now looking up and Sirius looked down at his now wet tea bag,

“I mean, you said earlier that you were missing one thing to be lucky even though you already have me, so I was wondering, what are you missing?”

“Since when do you listen to the lesson, Pads?” James asked and Sirius hit him on the arm,

“I listened to what was about you. Come on tell me, what do you want so badly that you can't have, Prongs?” Sirius asked looking into his eyes now and oh, James couldn't lie to him. Or rather, he would have lied to him, but obviously Sirius would have understood it and would have been sorry, if not angry. Damnation. James opened his mouth to say something, but at that moment the professor announced the end of his lesson and the boy stood up so quickly that Sirius didn't even have time to look at him. Okay, let's just say getting up and walking out like that wasn't a great move.

“Moony! Hi!” James said with a tone of relief seeing that Remus was waiting for them outside, only to be joined by Marlene the next moment,

“What did you do, Jams?” Marlene asked as soon as she met James' gaze and he smiled at her uncertainly,

“Moons, did you know that James has something that he wants so much but that he can't have and that he won't tell me?” Sirius asked petulantly as he walked out of the classroom and rested his head on Remus' shoulder, who gave James a deep look before placing a quick kiss on Sirius' head,

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah.” Sirius said, giving James a flat look and putting Remus' arm around his shoulders,

“Do you know what I really want?” asked Marlene with a smile and Remus rolled his eyes,

“No. Not today.”

“What? You don't even know what I was going to say!”

“Something about Euphemia, I'm sure.”

“Okay, maybe.” Marlene said with a smile,

“Lee.” Said James,

“What? You know I can't hide my feelings.”

“Don't you have to go to class?” Remus asked and James was honestly grateful,

“Not before you tell me what you want!” Sirius said but Remus leaned down slightly and whispered something in his ear, which made the boy's head snap back towards his boyfriend and then towards Marlene and James, “Okay, maybe later.” He said then taking Remus by the hand and pulling him away from there. Remus turned his head towards the two boys and mouthed: "you owe me a favor." Before turning to follow Sirius, anything but sad.

“Did you seriously say you want something but can't have it referring to Baby Black?”

“It was a question from the professor! What should I have answered!” James said as the two now turned away,

“Not that you're in love with Baby Black.” Marlene said simply and James sighed.

“Anyway. I wanted to tell you that I have an idea.” Marlene said happily as she and James made their way to the Advanced Astronomy classroom.

“Lee, as much as I love you, no. Your ideas are weird and never work.” James said and then received a punch on the arm from his friend.

“It's an idea for you, idiot.”

“Better.”

“For you and for Baby Black.”

“Shut up.” James said looking around her as Marlene put an arm around his shoulders, even though she was shorter than him, and James, despite him, ducked down.

“You have to trust me, Jams. I know these things.”

“Yeah sure. That's why it took you two years to ask Dorcas out. Or wait, you never did because Dorcas took care of it.”

“But the thing is. I dream with Dorcas. You dream about Regulus.” Marlene said as she raised a hand to greet Pandora, who was ahead of them walking arm in arm with Regulus, who was grinning slightly trying to keep Pandora from putting something in his curly hair. The next moment Pandora looked up at her and the next moment she was greeting with a huge smile Marlene who leaned over James to say “Good luck, Jams.” And go towards Pandora, nod to Regulus, take her by the hand and lead her into the classroom while Regulus rolled his eyes smiling and then met the gaze of James, who smiled at him. A smile that he didn't return. Of course. But by now James was used to it so he walked towards the classroom and so did Regulus meeting both in front of the door. James stepped back and waved his arm for Regulus to enter first and obviously because Regulus Black was Regulus Black stepped back for James to enter first and not to do what James told him to.

“You're not going to go to class, Reg?” James asked with a smile as Regulus rolled his eyes again.

“Don't call me Reg and after you, Potter, yes.”

“Nahh, I'm a gentleman.”

“More of an idiot, but okay.”

“Your idiot.”

“In your dreams and in my nightmares.”

“Always so dramatic.”

“Enter the classroom, Potter.”

“I told you, only after you.” James said adjusting his glasses while Regulus rolled his eyes.

“I'll only pass because the professor has to arrive. Not because you told me to.”

“Mhm.”

“I hate you.”

“Of course.” James nodded as Regulus brushed past him. And when James walked into the classroom he should have expected it, honestly. Because obviously Marlene's plan wasn't Marlene's plan. But it was Pandora and Marlene's plan, who now sat now at the desk where he usually sat with Marlene leaving the seat next to Regulus free, who stared at Pandora while the girl simply smiled at him.

“Mr. Potter, what are you doing up?” Asked the professor behind James who turned around with a smile.

“I was waiting for you. Please come in first.” James said making a slight bow while the professor smiled.

“Go and sit down, Mr. Potter.”

“At your orders.” James answered going to sit next to Regulus, who looked straight ahead, without saying a word, pulling out the book.

“It's interesting?” James suddenly asked softly some time after class had started.

“What?”

“The book you are reading. The one inside the bag. It's interesting? I think I saw it in my father's library.”

“I was trying to follow the class.” Regulus said as James snorted a laugh.

“Oh, please. I know perfectly well that you already know everything about the star Arcturus and its myths, Reg. It’s literally your second name.”

“I don't.”

“Really? That's why you've already put the answer to question…37, which talks about the end of the myth that the professor hasn't even started to explain?” James asked with a smile while Regulus looked at the sheet of parchment, on which there were actually already all the answers, because yes. Regulus already knew those myths and those stars. But of course James was the first other than Pandora to notice.

“Does your father read Muggle books?” Regulus asked instead as James turned to him.

“Of course he does. Dad reads everything. Probably if a book was written by…wait there was a precise term… in spanish is extraterrestres…ah! aliens! Yes, if it was written by aliens he would have already read it. He has a room occupied only by books.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes? Sirius never told you about it? You don't know how many times Dad has tried to make him read one of his books. But of course we know what Sirius looks like, don't we?”

“He's adopted.” Regulus said with such conviction that James laughed, then hid his laughter with a cough.

“Sorry.”

“Mhm.”

“You know, if you ever had to, I don't know, look for some books, I'm sure Dad would be happy to lend it to you. I assure you that he is looking forward to it.”

“Okay.”

“And…if you want to come to my house sometimes…you can do it. I know that I said that already, but I assure you that Mom and Dad would be really happy. Especially Dad because he would finally have someone to talk to about clever things, you know? And Mom always said that she wants to meet you when you want to.”

“I'll think about it.” Regulus said even though he doubted he would ever go there. Going to the Potters' house…even if he knew they were wonderful people, it would be stupid to say otherwise, he didn't believe it would ever seriously happen. It wasn't his place. And it never would be.

“Marlene has been wanting to invite Dorcas to us for months. You know, to introduce the love of her life to her first crush.” James added after a while making Regulus turn towards him curiously.

“What?”

“Didn’t you know? Euphemia Potter was Marlene's first crush. As far as I know, she still is.”

“Really?” Regulus asked as a half smile appeared on his face and oh, how James loved that smile.

“Yeah of course. Once she serenaded her.”

“No, she didn't.”

“I swear. I would never lie to you. And she was like… what… nine years old?”

“You're kidding.” Regulus said still with a half smile.

“I'm not. My mother still has the photo from that moment. She is literally framed next to my photo where I lost my first teeth.” James said with a huge smile because it was the first time Regulus wasn't insulting him?

“…your first teeth?”

“I fell off the broom. Well, Lee pretty much knocked me off it, but okay. I still love her.”

“Mr. Potter and Mr. Black, are you done talking?” The professor asked suddenly as the whole class turned to them.

“Sorry, I was telling Reg about how Marlene kicked me off the broom when we were kids and traumatized me for life.” James said as Regulus looked at him in exasperation. He could have simply said: Excuse me. That's all. But of course, he was James Potter. He would never. He hated him.

“Oi! That was one of the best moments ever.” Marlene said as the class now laughed.

“Tell that to my missing teeth.”

“I still have one of them!” Marlene said playing along,

“That's why I never found him again!” James said shaking his head as Regulus hit him with his elbow. “Ouch!”

“Shut up.” The boy said making a slight smile of apology at the professor, who was staring at them.

“Thank you, Mr Black.” He said before turning and returning to the myth of Arcturus while James smiled at Regulus, while the one rolled his eyes, turning to his parchment. Oh, James had just managed to make him smile. He turned to Marlene, who gave him a satisfied smile while Pandora nodded equally satisfied.

At the end of the lesson, actually at the exact moment when the lesson ended and the students began to get up, Evan Rosier and Barty Crouch Jr. entered the door and approached them silently and skillfully and positioned themselves behind Regulus with their arms crossed while the boy sighed heavily. James turned to the boys curiously.

“No.”

“It wasn't a request.”

“And mine is an answer that will not change.” Regulus said before Evan began to quickly gather his things and Barty took him by the arms pulling him to his feet and immobilizing him while he tried to free himself. And for a moment he succeeded, but unfortunately Evan was finished too, so he went over to give Barty a hand by taking him from the opposite side. “I fucking hate you both!” Regulus said as all the students looked confused.

“You love us. C'mon.” Barty said nodding to his boyfriend, who smiled starting to pull Regulus out of the room while he continued to rebel and insult them under everyone's gaze.

“Get the bag, Pan!” Evan said before disappearing outside as Pandora laughed.

“What just happened?” James asked curiously as he handed the bag of Regulus to Pandora who shrugged as if it were normal for a boy to be kidnapped like that.

“Tonight the Slytherins are throwing a party because it's a seventh year's birthday and obviously Regulus doesn't want to go but Barty and Evan have other plans. Actually I think Ziana and Dorcas are on their side too so I doubt Regulus can escape this time.” Pandora explained as Marlene nodded beside her.

“That's why Dorcas told me she was probably dead in a few days.”

“Let's just say Regulus' revenges are very…singular.” Pandora said and then turned to James smiling.

“But this is not the point. Am I wrong, or did you manage to make Baby Black laugh?” Marlene asked with a huge smile.

“He wasn't laughing.” James said as the three boys left the class last.

“Well, he was definitely smiling though.”

“Because I'm very funny.” James said as Marlene patted him affectionately.

“Yeah, he was smiling. Today was a good day.” Pandora said as both James and Marlene turned to her curiously.

“Good day?”

“I—well. There are good days and bad days for Regulus. Today was one of the good ones.” She explained vaguely as Sirius, Remus and Peter appeared, waiting for James to have their next prank ready to go. “You have to play another joke, don't you?”

“As always.” Marlene said as James bowed to the two girls before joining his friends.

“Come on, you're having fun.” Pandora said sitting next to Regulus on the sofa, where the boy was drinking his…seventh perhaps? Drink with a bored face.

“You do not know how much.” Regulus said while the girl smiled.

“That's a lie. I saw you laughing at that.” Pandora said nodding to Evan and Barty, who were now dancing in some way both impressive and silly, while being applauded by the others.

“Because they are idiots.” Regulus said as if it was obvious as Pandora rolled her eyes.

“Yeah. I wanna dance.”

“Dorcas is there.”

“Dancing with you.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Nope.”

“Please.”

“No. I don't dance.”

“You do. And good too. Do you think I don't remember your lessons?”

“I should never have lectured you.”

“Too late. Let's go.”

“Dora…”

“If you dance this song with me, I'll help you escape later.”

“I don't believe it.”

“Pinky promised.” His friend said raising her hand as Regulus did likewise, their little fingers now clasped in a promise. “GUYS! I GOT HIM.” She screamed the next moment as Barty and Evan, as well as Dorcas, turned to them with huge smiles.

“You said I would dance with you.” Regulus said as Pandora smiled.

“Exact. With us. We are one thing, you know?” Said the girl while Barty and Evan had already arrived in front of them, while Dorcas was holding a glass for Regulus.

“Is your royal highness ready?” Barty asked with a huge smile and slightly red cheeks.

“That's so stupid.”

“Oh, c'mon. It will be funny.” Evan said

“And you have a free drink.” Dorcas added as Regulus reached out for his hands for Barty and Evan to grab and pull him off the couch, which of course they both did.

“Let the most beautiful boys of Hogwarts enter.” Barty said theatrically as Regulus rolled his eyes and Evan put his arms around the two boys.

“Like I said. This is stupid.” Regulus said as all of the Slytherins now began to cheer as the trio headed to the center of the room.

James was getting bored. At the moment the boy was sitting on the bed, in the dormitory, alone. Peter had gone to the chess club that night, while Remus and Sirius had some sort of date that Sirius had set up in Hogsmeade. After making all the beds (with no magic, that's right) and finishing all the homework he threw himself on the bed with a huge sigh. Then he got up and put on his shoes ready to go for a walk, obviously also taking the invisibility cloak and the map, which he opened before leaving the room whispering a "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good" aiming the wand and it of course opened, revealing the entire map of Hogwarts. James saw that Peter was playing chess against a boy who, if he wasn't wrong, was a Ravenclaw, and noticed that Lily, Marlene and Mary were in their dormitory. But what caught his attention was the fact he saw Pandora, who even though she was a Ravenclaw was practically an honorary Slytherin, Dorcas, Barty and Evan were at the party that the girl had nominated, at which there was also half of the Slytherin house if not more except Regulus. The boy's name was not there. James then started looking around the dormitory but it wasn't there. Finally, his name appeared in front of his eyes. Regulus was alone on the Astronomy tower. Now. Probably if Remus had been next to him, he would never have let him go there. But Remus wasn't there. So…James quickly closed the map, put on his cloak and walked out of the dormitory.

The door to the Astronomy tower was half open, so James took off his cloak and entered slowly, not wanting to scare Regulus. It had happened once. And, something the boy still couldn't understand today, Regulus had hit him with a spell he didn't know in less than a second, apologizing the next moment and insulting him the next. It was as if he was ready to kill. So yeah, James had learned his lesson. But when he stepped through the door he noticed that Regulus was sitting on the ground, leaning with his back against the wall and with his eyes closed. Beside him was the Muggle book James had seen that day and a now empty glass. But the thing that struck James was the fact that in Regulus' hair there was a small white flower, while his petals were somehow intertwined with a black curl of the boy. James smiled and at that moment Regulus opened his eyes and reached for his wand, which was next to the book, to stop the next second, seeing that it was James, who raised his hands in the air.

“Sorry. I did not mean to scare you.”

“What are you doing here?” asked Regulus leaning slightly towards James and oh, he was drunk. That was new.

“I wasn't sleepy, so I decided to come up here.” James shrugged while Regulus snorted.

“You're lying.”

“No.”

“Yes. I know when you lie, Potter.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

“Don't okay me.”

“And what do you want me to say?”

“Well, if you shut up it would be better.” Regulus said passing a hand through his curls careful not to touch the flower.

“Are you hungry?”

“I haven't had dinner.” Regulus answered leaning his head against the wall while he looked at James, who nodded.

“How about I go get something to eat? Being drunk on an empty stomach is not the best.” James said as Regulus shrugged.

“I'm not drunk.”

“Okay. But I'm sure you're hungry then.”

“Not much, actually, thanks.” The boy said flatly.

“Would you like an apple?”

“No.”

“What do you want?”

“Even if I told you what I would like, why would you bring it to me?”

“Because you didn't have dinner.” James simply said as if it were obvious. Regulus stared at him carefully before saying in a lower voice,

“…I would like a muffin.”

“…a muffin? Okay, what a muffin it is then.”

“Chocolate.”

“Obviously. Give me five minutes and I'm back here.”

“…okay.”

“Perfect.” James said with a smile as Regulus closed his eyes.

After going to the kitchens, James returned with two chocolate muffins, an apple and two bottles of water to find Regulus still in the same position, who hadn't moved an inch.

“I'm back.”

“I can feel that.”

“And I have the muffins” James said holding up the bag containing the food while Regulus studied him in silence. So James took a few steps forward, and when Regulus said nothing, he sat next to him, handing him the envelope.

“You took two.”

“My mother always says that hunger comes with eating.”

“…you didn't take anything?”

“I took the apple.”

“I thought it was for me.” Regulus said handing him the apple while James smiled.

“If you want it, you can have it.”

“But you wouldn't eat anything.”

“I shouldn't eat sweets anyway. Even if, in short, the apple is not, but you understand.”

“Why?”

“For Sunday's game.”

“I see. Afraid you'll lose?" Regulus asked as he grabbed a piece of muffin.

“Against you? Not exactly.”

“Are you saying we are weak?”

“I'm saying we've been training a lot lately.”

“We too.”

“We will see.”

“Yes, your defeat.”

“Let's make a bet.”

“About what?”

“About who will win the game.”

“We will win it.”

“You bet then.”

“Fine. I bet we will win.” Regulus said flatly extending his hand as James shook it slowly.

“And I bet we will win.”

“In your dreams.”

“We'll see.”

“We'll see how you'll lose, Potter.” Regulus said satisfied as he withdrew his hand, taking one of the bottles of water James had brought.

“I was thinking…”

“This is new. What James Potter thinks? Can you think?” Regulus asked as James looked at him rolling his eyes.

“Very funny.”

“And very true, I'm afraid.” Regulus said

“I was saying.”

“Forgive me for interrupting you.” Regulus said sarcastically while James smiled.

“I see the hangover is going away.”

“I wasn't drunk and I'm not.”

“Mhm. If you say so.”

“That's what I'm saying, am I right?”

“In the end, you never told me if you liked the book.”

“Why should I tell you?”

“Because I asked you and because I want to know.”

“Since when do you care what interests me?”

“For a while.”

“Ridiculous.” Regulus said rolling his eyes and looking in front of him, to then add “I'm enjoying it.”

“What is it about?”

“Are you really interested?”

“Yes.”

“It's about a same-sex love affair set in England around the turn of the 20th century.”

“What is happening now?”

“What?”

“At the point where you came to read it.”

“Maurice, who is our protagonist, has just entered in this university and here he met this other boy, Clive, and the two have now embarked on a love affair, secret from all eyes, however.”

“How come?” James asked interested as Regulus stared at him for a few seconds before saying,

“It's complicated. Homosexuality isn't exactly accepted or viewed well, even in this time, let alone the early 1900s.”

“So they hide out of fear?”

“Not exactly. Also. Like I said, it's complicated.”

“What do you think of the two?”

“What do I think?”

“Yeah.”

“Maurice is a character that I like. Clive on the other hand…I don't trust him. Maybe I'm wrong, as I told you I haven't read much yet, but he doesn't tell me the right thing, you know?”

“Is he bad?”

“I still don't know.”

“Mhmm. He doesn’t convince me.”

“You haven't even read the book.”

“But I trust you. So yes, for me it's no.” James said while Regulus snorted a half laugh.

“You might as well read it, you know?”

“Nahh.”

“Why not?”

“Because I'd rather hear you talk about it.”

“It's the first time I've done it.”

“Let's hope it's not the last, then.” James said with a shrug as he took a bite of the apple looking at the sky happy, Regulus instead, stared at him in silence.