Chapter 7
Molly makes him tea and Harry feels awful. She looks like shit. George is nowhere to be seen. His guilt must be showing on his face because Molly smiles at him;
“You know Harry, you are like a son to me. You are family.” She settles into the armchair across from him with her own tea in her hand. Ron and Hermione are crammed either side of him on the sofa, both clutching him slightly. Harry nods and she tuts at him. “There is something I have learned as a parent to so many idiots-”
“Rude.” Ron mutters from next to him and Harry snorts, relaxing into his friends, his head lolling onto Ron’s shoulder while Hermione rubs soft circles with her thumb. Molly rolls her eyes and continues;
“When there are so many people, there is always a problem. Someone has lost a shoe, someone else the love of their life. When compared they seem so vastly different that the lost shoe feels insurmountable. It is not. Just because Bill’s girlfriend left him doesn't mean that Ginny losing her favourite shoe is not also just as heartbreaking, to her.
The worst thing to ever happen to you may one day become just a bad day to you, because suffering is only comparable to what we ourselves have yet endured. It doesn't mean that the lost shoe should be disregarded and Ginny’s tears dismissed just because of what Bill is going through. Both things are still hard for the people experiencing them.” She leans forward with a light sniffle “Our loss does not invalidate the things you are dealing with.”
Harry bursts into tears again.
He’s a lot calmer when he’s able to show them the letter. Ron and Hermione read it first but Harry hesitates before passing it to Molly. Her brothers are hardly spoken about in this house. As she settles back to read it, Harry elbows Ron over to her and Ron folds his lanky frame onto the arm of Molly’s chair, reaching down to take her hand as she reads. Hermione squashes herself half into Harry’s lap and she holds him tightly.
Honestly, realising how much physical touch helps is new to Harry who has only been hugged by Sirius and the people in this room since his parents died. Hermione had sat with him and talked through it when he burst into tears the first time she held him after the battle. For the first four days the three of them, Ginny, Neville and Luna had slept in a large puppy pile together on the mattresses in Gryffindor Tower to stave off the nightmares. Harry doesn't really remember how it happened, just Hermione appearing with a book ranting about serotonin and hugging while glaring at the others until they agreed and took turns penning Harry in. He still dreamt of Kings Cross but it was a lot easier with them there.
But then Ron and Ginny had to go home to help with Fred’s loss. Hermione had offered to stay with Harry, but he had declined. Luna wanted to travel and Neville was in the process of starting work with Sprout and moving into his own rooms. Honestly Harry had felt much better after some real sleep and a lot of touch. The funerals had sucked but his friends held his hands the entire time and to Harry’s utter shock, Rita Skeeter had actually been respectful, subdued. Harry wondered who she had lost in the battle to reduce her to this.
Now they’re here. Harry, having learned his lesson on forcing space with his foster family, drinking tea while Hermione runs her fingers through his hair and hums softly. Molly lets a single tear track down her cheek before she carefully refolds the letter and passes it back to Harry.
“I’m so sorry Harry, you must be going mad with ‘what if’ of it all.” Molly coos and Harry just stares. How can she be so full of compassion for him? He can’t really find the words so he just nods and melts back into Hermione slightly more.
He stays with them for dinner. Molly cooks for them but refuses help. Ron says he thinks she finds comfort in the routine. After they’ve eaten Harry sneaks away from the family and slinks up the stairs to the twins room. He thinks about knocking for a moment but dismisses it quickly. The door creaks slightly but George doesn’t stir. Harry moves to stand by the side of the bed frame and stares down at George. His eyes are open, fixed on Fred’s bed. He looks exhausted. Harry crouches down in front of George who lets his gaze focus on Harry for a moment.
“Can’t sleep.” George croaks. Harry hums, carefully, he toes off his shoes and takes his glasses off, placing them on the side table, before pulling back George’s duvet. George blinks up at him in confusion but Harry just climbs into the small space next to George. He doesn't speak, just wraps his arms around George, compressing his weight into the older man. After a moment, George relaxes into Harry’s hold and Harry feels water trickling through his hair as George cries silently. Harry keeps rubbing circles on George’s back until the other man’s breathing evens out into sleep. Harry follows him into slumber shortly after.
Harry isn't sure what time it is when he wakes but sunlight streams through the curtains. George is clutching him tightly but Harry can feel his breathing unsteady enough to know he’s awake. Harry shifts slightly and George’s grip tightens for a second before relaxing. Harry rolls onto his back on the mattress with a yawm.
“I heard a rumour about you.” George whispers
“Oh?” Harry rasps back
“I heard that Tonk’s mum asked you to take Teddy” Harry frowns, he can’t see George in detail without his glasses on.
“How did you hear that?”
“She spoke to mum about it.” George replies.
“You haven't gotten out of bed for weeks George.” Harry hits back and George chuckles. It sounds rough and Harry’s heart aches as he wonders when the last time George laughed was.
“Can’t show you all my tricks Hazza.” George’s croaks.
“Well… she did. I haven't made a choice yet. I don’t even have a job…” Harry trails off as he thinks of McGonagall’s job offer.
“You’re richer than god Harry.” George deadpans. “I also heard she… asked you to testify for Malfoy.” Harry tenses. He can't help it. George reaches over with a hand to carefully rub soothing circles on Harry’s arm.
“You aren’t supposed to comfort me.” Harry chastises.
“It isn’t your job to comfort me either.” George replies and Harry tilts his head to look at the blurry outline of George’s face.
“No, but I choose to. You're a chosen family to me and you know it.” George lifts his hand to ruffle Harry’s hair.
“Well, I choose you too, Harry. I don't know how you knew what I needed but… here you are putting me back together while you’re fall apart.” Harry can hear George’s grin and rolls his eyes.
“I think it will take a lot more than me cuddling you to get you back together George.” The other boy pinches him and Harry laughs.
“Don’t ruin it, it still hurts but i think it might always hurt. Mum says she always hurts over her brothers but that she had to keep going because she already had us, Bill and Charlie. Said she had something to live for. I don't think I do.” Harry rolls back to stare a Geroge, searching his friends fuzzy image for something.
“I know the feeling.” Harry mutters and George hums;
“Yes, well you did try and sacrifice yourself to save us all so I think you might mean that.” Harry doesn't have anything to say to that and George just breathes with him for a while before continuing; “It’s why I think you should take Teddy. He’s just like you now, an orphan from a war. You of all people will understand him, Harry. You of all people know what a difference a guardian can make.” Harry nuzzles into George’s chest.
“I know.” They don’t speak again, the sunlight moves as time trickles past, indifferent to their pain. The light burns warmth onto Harry’s back through his shirt.
“I also think you should testify for Draco and his mum.” It’s so unexpected that Harry jolts upright. “Calm down. I would advise you to speak to Bill about it too, since technically Draco caused Greyback’s attack but… Harry, I have had a lot of time to think here and if it was Fred… or mum, or you? I would have done the same Harry. We all would. He was a kid in a shit position. Just like you. I don't want to say it's easy to sacrifice yourself to save everyone but I imagine it would be infinitely harder to sacrifice someone who you love unconditionally to save people you don't know or care for. I feel for the kid.” Harry exhales and settles back into the warmth of the bed with a frown and a heavy heart.
He doesn't know how long they lay together but eventually his bladder starts to ache and Harry wriggles out the sheets.
“Will you come stay with me at no 12 for a while?'' With his glasses cramed back onto his face he can see the shock and confusion on George’s face “You need to get out of here and honestly. I don't think going back to the shop or the flat will be good yet.” Harry stands and stretches “Plus I think you might find some cool things to fuck around with up in the attic. Or at the very least, blow some shit up.” He winks at George who croaks that awful mockery of a laugh again.
No one says a word when they emerge from the stairs but Harry catches Ron’s scowl. He tilts his head and Ron looks away. Molly feeds them both and fusses over George who visibly dissociates until Harry tugs him through the floo, promising to invite the others soon.
George seems to take to number 12 like a distraction. With Harry’s permission he drifts up the stairs to haunt the attic. Harry sets about making tea and instructing Kreatcher to help George but not harass him. Kreatcher is not impressed. At the very least the explosions and thumps coming from the attic are reassuring that George is actually doing something other than lying in bed which is progress.
Harry eventually settles into his chair with Pandora’s box and a cup of tea to the distant sounds of George and Kreatcher arguing. Unsure where he’s supposed to pick up following his spillage Harry stares at the two items in front of him. The bundle of letters between his dad and Regulus and the other sealed letter. Unwilling to risk another upset with the sealed letter, Harry unties the love letters again. He takes a steadying gulp of tea before opening where he left off.
Felix,
I should not have to tell you to take your own tie with you when you leave my dorm. Sloppy behaviour like this will not be rewarded. Although, I did appreciate the scene over breakfast where Sirius grilled you about where you got your hands on a Slytherin tie.
Perhaps you should be punished for your misstep. The look Remus gave me was telling, without the way Barty has been side-eying me all morning. Bring my tie with you, seems fitting to use it in your punishment.
A
Arty,
Are you okay? Are you avoiding me? Did something happen or did I mess up? I know you’re not good at this and I'm okay with waiting until you’re ready but could you give me a sign or something? Just so I know you’re okay.
I know you were clear about keeping things casual and if i was half the Gryffindor I claimed to be I would say this to your face but I know you enough to know you’d lash out at me, but the truth is Reg Arty I really care for you as more than just friends. I care about more than just the way your hands feel on my skin, I want to put you back together again, not just take you apart. I want you to hold me through the night and not kick me out once we finish. I want more but I know you won’t give me everything I want so I’m happy to have whatever slice of you I can get. I know how this will end, I know you’ve been clear with me about your future but I need you to know that you have somewhere else to go should the tides shift and your fate change.
I don't want you to think that I don't know who you are, or that I'm wanting you to be someone else. I understand you. I understand your motivations and I understand that you’re not a good person. It doesn't change the fact that I lov adore you, there is not a part of you I would shy from. No side to you I would not wish to know. The complete lack of hesitation when you defend those you love is admirable and I find your power so fucking hot baby. You’re nerdy and violent and I was to hear your spiteful words and the way you can cut people apart with a dirty look and a sentence. I know you, I know what you are and I adore it all.
You don’t have to say anything back but please let me know you're okay and when you’re ready, let me in again.
Yours,
Felix
F
My apologies for the distance. I am fine now and will explain in detail later. Meet me in the ROR we need to talk.
Rest assured that your feelings are well received and returned aplomb.
Yours,
A
Harry can't help but smile, the words feel like a blush and an upturned nose. A flash of white blonde hair crosses his mind's eye and he screws his eyes shut. Footsteps sound and he puts the letter down, looking up to find George studying him from the doorway.
“I had a thought, '' George says, watching him warily. Harry raises a brow “Well… I am a bit out of it and…. And a bit aware that we were somewhat intimate.” Harry screws his nose up.
“Intimate?” He asks incredulously and George frowns.
“Well… I mean.” Harry blinks at him for a moment.
“You think ... .I'm like seducing you?”
“Well that would be a poor attempt if you were but I just wanted to check.” George offers, seeming to relax slightly as Harry makes a disgusted noise.
“Mate, I just did what the others did for me.” Harry puts the box on the table and stands, feeling antsy. “I don’t exactly have a great grasp of comfort, I haven't had a lot of it but that’s what Hermione always does and when I couldn’t settle after the battle the others slept with me.” George smirks and Harry flushes “NEXT to me Jesus George I didn’t… fuck was i weird?” George laughs and Harry flushes harder.
“You're good man, just wanted to clarify.” George winks at him which makes Harry scowl.
Harry flops back into his chair, embarrassed and someone guilty at the idea of seducing someone… again the scent of apples haunts him as he stares at the trees outside the window.