Chapter 5
Luna is bustling round the kitchen making a tea tray by the time Harry follows her into the house. She’s humming absently a tune that Harry feels he knows in his bones but couldn’t name with a wand to his head. It might just be Luna’s song. He doesn’t bother interrupting her, just taking a seat at the old table to wait for her.
“Thank you for your letter, Harry.” She places two mugs onto the table and folds herself into the chair across from him, blinking. “You didn’t bother me. Ties to home are important, otherwise we can get lost in the unknown.” Harry blinks for a moment before nodding.
“Right, how is your trip going Luna?”
“Oh, well thank you. I’ve been tracking a heard of Crumple-Horned Snorkack across the outback.”
“Oh, cool.” He takes a drink of his tea while she studies him.
“You’re surprised that our mothers were friends?” She asks with that ever-present assurance in her tone. Harry studies his mug for a second, running a finger over the rim.
“Yeah, I guess I thought I knew who her friends had been. Who she had been I suppose but I’m learning all these other parts of her. These things she was outside of what people told me. Seeing her like this-” he breaks off shaking his head for a second “I guess she’s more three dimensional now. Less of an icon and more of a real person.”
“You resent that?”
“No, I don’t think so. I guess… My parents have always been this unknown to me. People I only heard about. Intangible I suppose. Now, this feels like a gift. Something I never thought I would get. More than just photographs or one-sided stories through the lens of grief”
“I understand. I knew my mother and I saw how my daddy’s view of her changed after she died. People don’t want to talk about anything other than the good parts of people who can’t defend themselves. I can’t imagine to only knowing those parts of a parent though.”
“You knew they were friends?” Harry asks softly and Luna hums for a second, shifting to pull something from her pocket. She hands it to him and Harry feels his heart stutter in his chest.
The first time he saw the mural on Luna’s bedroom ceiling had been a milestone for Harry. Seeing himself and his friends painted with such love and care had meant the world to him. Now, he holds in his hand a painting of three girls. One is his mother, green eyes vibrant and red hair spilling over grass. The second girl must be Luna’s mother, the resemblance is uncanny. The third girl is Mary. Harry has been dreaming of her.
The three girls are splayed over grass in a circle of sorts, lying on their backs and smiling freely. Caught in a moment of pure joy. Their hair is mostly free but each of them has a small braid on each side, twisting into a heart with the hair of the girl next to them leaving the three girls connected without touch.
“I knew, I didn’t realise you didn’t know. I thought that’s why you bothered with me.” Harry frowns and looks up from the painting to Luna.
“No, Luna. I bothered because I like you, not because of some predetermined friendship.”
“Apart from Regulus.” Harry stops breathing as he watches her, Luna is unfazed.
“What?”
“You’re Regulus of course.” She frowns at him for a second “You didn’t know? Harry, you follow his steps, you completed the task he died for. You are so similar to him as I am my mother. She told me, see; they promised each other. In a hundred lifetimes and a hundred universes they would find each other. Here we are.” Harry has to grip the table to steady himself for a moment.
“You think Regulus and I walked the same path?”
“Well… two sides of the same coin. Not the exact path of course but-” Luna shifts and Harry watches her spellbound. “Did you not both lose the family you cared for? Is your biggest weakness not those you love? Would you not do anything to protect those you love? Did you both not give everything for the greater good. Did you not both die to take down Voldemort and do so on a secret mission? Don’t you both feel alone even in a room full of people? As though you never have a home or a place to fit just for you?” Harry is shaking his head softly. Unable to correlate what she’s saying with his own self-image.
“I mean, you and Regulus are two sides of the coin. Regulus and Draco are twin flames. Bound to the same path, the same doom”
“Draco? Malfoy? Luna… aren’t you livid with him?” Luna studies Harry with a level of sympathy he can’t process.
“No Harry, I’m not angry with Draco. A 16-year-old boy whose mother was held at wand point while the dark lord invaded his home and his father was in prison? What choice did he have?” She picks her mug up and drains it. “You should finish the letters, Harry. I think they will give you a new perspective.” She stands gracefully, presses a kiss to his head and leaves the house before Harry can even process what she meant.
Hours after Luna has left and a long hot shower, Harry returns to his chair to continue with the letters. He tried to ruminate on her words about him and Regulus and even Malfoy but it seems too much, his perception of Regulus is so patchy. One note that changed his life, a few short letters about not making choices, one note to be petty at his brother and one devastating letter to his brother. Hardly a complete view of a person. As though guided by fate, the next letter begins with his name.
Regulus,
You cannot keep avoiding me, just because I’m staying in the tower with Marls doesn’t mean I cannot see you hiding a limp. What the fuck happened? Why did she pull you from school for the weekend? Don’t make me storm the dungeons and bully it out of you.
I know you’re pretending not to care but Sirius is worked up about it too. I’m sure your new bestie will report back too but since they’re still not speaking Sirius keeps storming into Marls room to rant about both you and Remus. They’re driving me mad. How are they so dramatic?
I hate to agree with them on this, I don’t like having common ground with your sibling.
In other news, are you aware that a certain chaser can’t take his eyes off of you when you wear that green jumper? Just something I thought you might wish to know.
Yours until hell,
Dorcas
Dorcas,
I wish you would refrain yourself. You whine about Sirius being dramatic and yet appear to be having a conniption because I have a minor limp. You will be pleased to know that Lupin appeared at the end of my rounds yesterday night to drag me to the hospital wing and I have been returned to my former grandeur.
The cause of the incident is neither here nor there, suffice to say mother is less than pleased with the recognition Bellatrix is bringing the family and is disappointed I am not doing so too. It is clearer than ever how I will be directed in the coming conflict.
I don’t ask much of you and I have nothing to trade for this but I will beg you if I must. I know for Barty he has nothing to flee for but, you have Marlene. Cling to her, to that side of light and love. Your family won’t accept you as you are anyway. Cut them off, cling to love.
I won’t have a choice, take one for me. Allow me the glimpse of freedom through you? I can’t guarantee your safety anymore and I would loathe to face you in battle but I would rather fall at your wand than lose you at my side.
Moving on, stop teaming up with Barty, Evan and Remus about Potter. I have zero interest in him. Isn’t he in love with Evans anyway?
Why don’t you join Evans for the study group with Lupin and I and we can spend some time together there?
Yours until hell,
R A B
Fucknuts & Crackhead,
I refuse to get involved with Operation Starchaser against Reggie’s wishes… but Lupin and I had a study session with Reggie and Evans, he won't bother to tell you but some interesting details came out from Evans that left no one in any doubt that Potter is free and clear and well into Reggie. Lupin and Evans are going to speak to Potter and simply…. Suggest he sent a note to Reg. Perhaps you two could SUBTLY get him to agree, use the brains I know you have to reverse phycology him into it or something but for the love of Merlin don’t make it worse!
Until Hell,
Dorcas.
The next letter has another note from Remus on which makes Harry hesitate. He finds his fingers trembling as he peels the note from the letter.
Harry,
There will be context missing here, gaping holes and missed steps. I don’t have all the answers myself but I can tell you that James and Regulus were together. They never officially came out to anyone so I’m unsure the intimates of their situation other than complete and utter adoration. There were letters but they were burnt for safety. At some point during their original courting and clandestine meetings they agreed on monikers for their letters to retain anonymity and safety.
As far as I know they picked for each other. Regulus called James Felix, a shortening of Fleamont and James called Regulus Arty, for Arcturus. Regulus hated it.
The tale to follow is not a happy one, it tells the story of a boy who thought he had nothing to lose, losing everything and a boy who loved so much it could burn.
They both would have adored you.
R J L
Harry swallows dryly around a lump in his throat as a bone-deep sadness bubbles up inside him. All this love and for naught. Still trembling, Harry returns the note and unfolds the first letter.
Arty,
I miss you already, how can I continue with my life when I know what you taste like? The sounds you make when I have you under me? The way I feel under you?
Come to the ROR tonight again? Please? I feel like I cannot breathe without the feel of your skin under mine.
Felix.
Felix,
You’re being awfully dramatic and I must insist you cease it at once.
I will be there at 23.00.
Be naked.
A