Chapter 2
It was almost the midnight and I got out of my bed to let James in.
‘Where are you going so late at night?’ Barty, who had troubles falling asleep lately, looked out of his curtain, a judging expression on his restless face.
‘I think I forgot my astronomy book down there, wanted to revise something before going to bed.’
‘Your memory is sort of terrible lately, thought about some potion or something?’ I tried to laugh it off but I knew my silly excuses were not going to work for very long. It seemed to be to be a matter of days before he or Evan would discover my secret.
I went down to the entrance door to meet James, trying to put my best smile on. I knew I could not fake a good mood no matter how hard I tried - if it seemed superficial to me, what would James think? My petty mood was caused - surprise, surprise - by my mother who has sent me another letter today, informing me that she found a another nice pure blood girl from another obnoxiously rich family that I was to marry when I return home. I tried to focus myself on seeing James, but in the back of my mind I knew that seeing him now would only make things more hard for me.
‘Hi,love.’ All in hushed tones. James was wearing his invisibility cloak and we were lucky enough that no one was in the common room at such a late hour. We climbed up the stairs and got in my bed together trying to make as little noise as possible.
I closed the curtains around my bed, put a noice blocking charm and only then could James take his cloak off. He kissed me on the lips and pushed me down. Lately, our relationship seized to have any romantic aspect in it - we both did not have enough time with the upcoming exams, besides it was hard to sneak around at school without anyone finding out - so now we were meeting every night in my dorm to have sex and for James to leave me in the morning without raising any attention.
‘What’s that?’ James pulled away from me to study the letter from home I so carelessly left lying on the pillow. As if my subconsciousness wanted to have a deep talk with James tonight- our deep talks was the thing I missed the most about our relationship.
‘Nothing. Just a letter from my mother.’ I lied to him, but he was not convinced, after all he could catch me lying better than the most.
‘Ok, then what is it about?’
‘Nothing, just the usual stuff.’
‘What’s the usual stuff? You never tell me anything.’
Oh, does James I-have-the-most-perfect-family Potter really want to hear about my family troubles? It took everything in me not to start a fight, still my reply was rather harsh for his standards: ‘why don’t we just fuck, James? After all, that’s all we do, isn’t it?’
He ignored my tone and tried to grab the letter out of my hands.
‘Reggie, please. I do want to know, especially if it upsets you so.’
‘I really don’t think so, James. I am not in the mood for it.’
‘You never are but I know how much it bothers you.’
‘Look, how can you possibly know? You have the perfect family, you never fight with your parents so how can you possibly imagine or relate to my problems?’
‘I am sorry, that’s not what I meant. I just want to help you. You should know that by now.’
I loved how sweet and patient he was with me. But I have already lost my temper and no matter how kind he was going to be that night, I knew I was going to ruin everything: ‘Ah, right, you want to help me, you want to save me. I am your little project, right? Do tell me, how you are going to do this? I am not my brother, I cannot just run away and leave my family behind. I am their only heir, I know they rely on me and no matter how much I hate it, I cannot just let them down.’
‘Reg’, - he tried to interrupt me but I just raised my voice louder: ‘You must think it is so easy. It is not. They won’t just let me go. And I hate them for the position they put me in, and I hate myself for being so lost and helpless and disobedient, but most of all, I hate you for thinking you can save me.’
Tears ran down my face and I was shaking with rage and fear. If James had an ounce of my impatience or anger issues, he would have yelled something and left me by now. But we were exactly opposite and that was what made him so attractive to me. He took me in his hands and I rested my whole body on his, quietly sobbing from time to time.
‘Why are you so full of rage, Reggie? I used to ask myself this question every day. But now I have finally come up with an answer, it’s because you are so full of grief. It’s easy to be me - although I do have my problems, I also have supportive and caring parents who I can rely on. I would never understand what you are going through, but I wish to try to be that supportive and caring person to you, even if doesn’t last for long.’
We haven’t fought in weeks and I felt somewhat good due to releasing all of these petty feelings that I have piled up inside of myself. But the reason why we stopped fighting dawned on me - we always came to the same conclusion, that we can be happy together now but nothing can be done for the long term.
So we laid on my bed in deadly silence, hugging each other and sharing what we both knew to be the last moments of our relationship - for we both knew there was no future for us.