Ma Chérie

When Harry blinded us all with that stag, I remembered that Harry Bloody Potter will never not be astounding. And this is why he will never be mine.
But I’m his.

This is what goes through Draco’s mind over and over like a strange truth, an undeniable realisation, as the three of them fly back to the castle on the back of Buckbeak.

He’s still in awe at the sheer power Harry just showed, no less the pure beauty of Harry’s deer patronus.
Draco now has a new worry to add to his long list- that his own Patronus could be a stag like Harry’s. He knows wizarding couples often have matching, or complimenting, Patronuses, and he certainly likes Harry enough- Circe.

Something to agonise about later, as now he stops himself internally mooning over Harry to enjoy the flight.
Hermione certainly isn’t having a good flight though, screaming as they weave between school towers, shouting something like, ‘This- is- why- I don’t- like- FLYING!’

They reach the Astronomy tower in the nick of time, Hermione ‘Bombarda’-ing the cell door open, a shaken but grinning Sirius stepping out the hole created.

Sirius gets on Buckbeak behind them, the four flying to an area near the forest for Harry to say goodbye to his rumpled (but still rather handsome, Draco can’t help but notice) godfather.

The three of them only make it back through the huge Hospital Wing doors seconds before the clock strikes the hour, Snape and Dumbledore rushing in, Fudge close behind them.

Luckily they have an alibi of Dumbledore having only seen them a few minutes before (courtesy of the time-turner), and are quickly left alone from Fudge’s questions about who helped Sirius escape.
Lupin is still roaming about the woods as a wolf, so he’s also got a pretty fallible alibi, Draco thinks.

Al of the adults finally leave, Snape assuring him and Harry that he will most certainly be speaking to them both about this evening later. He must have noticed the mud all over Draco’s trousers and twigs stuck in his red woolly jumper, and wondered where exactly Draco had gotten these decorations, considering Dumbledore said Draco had just run in when the Headmaster himself left, not twenty minutes ago.

The three breathe a collective sigh of relief now and turn to see Ron, lying in bed with an eyebrow raised ready for an explanation.

“So?, What in Merlin’s saggy underpants just happened?”

*

In no time at all, Draco’s on the Hogwarts Express home in a compartment with his friends, and with a plan for the summer and next year. He’s so tired of pretending to be a bully and a perfect ‘Malfoy heir’. He’s tired of avoiding Harry the past year, and wants to be himself in public as well as private, for once.
He suspects the Gryffindor trio are tired too, of his cruel act, and Pansy and Theo as well- they don’t have ex-death-eater elitist parents and so can be friendly with whoever they like.

Mostly, though, he’s tired of hiding his sexuality. Exhausted.

He told Hermione he’s gay, after that crazy night of Sirius Black’s (second) escape, and she’d given him a hug like Pansy, as well as being informative in giving him a list of some good gay books to read. Hermione knows a book for everything, Draco swears.

She did say that she had an idea after he enjoyed ‘Picture of Dorian Gray’ so much, and wouldn’t stop telling her about how Basil was clearly in love with Dorian, and Dorian himself probably loved him back. Even though he did, er, murder him.. It is true though, Oscar Wilde even basically said in court, as Draco had researched afterwards.

However, Hermione didn’t mention anything about Harry, even though Draco knows she has her suspicions. He’s glad, for now, although at some point he needs to tell someone about it or he’ll literally blow up, like Harry’s aunt. He’s certainly glad he finally came out to Hermione, anyway.

The next step is coming out to Ron and Theo, before they find out themselves. And Harry..
He glances across at both of them now- they’re discussing the Chudley Cannons, which Theo apparently supports- Merlin save them all from the orange!

For now, he pushes these worries to the back of his mind, tuning back into his friends conversations that fill the train compartment. Pansy is begging Hermione to teach her how to apply ‘cat’s-eye mascara’. Harry, aware Hermione has no idea what Pansy’s talking about, is laughing, until Pansy turning her pleading to him, as she now seems to think he somehow knows.

They’re ridiculous, but they’re his friends and he loves them.

*

The manor is even more stifling this summer than ever, even with Draco’s father often at random ‘meetings’.
While he’s still glad of the (mostly) absence of his father and his silver cane, the Slytherin is bored, very very bored. What he really wants is to show his father, and his mother too, that he’s not their obedient little heir anymore.
If the meetings his father’s always attending are what Draco suspects they are, then he has even more of a reason to be angry, to have had enough of it all.

He starts with a small rebellion, sneaking out to walk to the tiny ‘tattoos and piercings’ shop in the medium-sized village nearby.
They don’t ask his age, and he only asks for two ear piercings (on the same ear) anyway.
He’s not sure if you have to be a specific age to get a piercing- maybe he should have a look at Muggle laws sometimes- they can be very useful.
The piercings hurt but he clenches his fists, pays the blue-haired woman who did it, and walks home feeling moderately successful. He thinks he paid the woman with a gold galleon instead of muggle money, but she didn’t complain, soooo.
His father snarls at him when he sees the earrings, calling Draco ‘disgustingly feminine’, to which Draco hadn’t responded, but simply looked at his father in a detached sort of way. His mother had gasped, but tells him quietly that he looks even more beautiful with the piercings, which makes Draco feel strong, like a fearless bloody Gryffindor.

His next rebellion seems small too, but is actually a lot bigger than one might think.
The three blond Malfoys are eating dinner quietly on Sunday evening- the only night so far Lucius Malfoy has been home for a meal. Draco’s mother is trying her best to make small talk- if his father wasn’t here, he’d probably be chatting with her about school gossip, but with his father present that never happens.

He has a letter from Harry out in front of him, next to his meal, and is reading it, trying not to smile at Harry’s overuse of the word ‘brilliant’ and his explanation of what an ‘electric plug’ is, which just baffles Draco further. He had asked the Gryffindor in his last letter what this was, after Hermione mentioned having the wrong plug for Portugal (where the Grangers are on holiday).

He glances up now, as his mother asks him in a clear attempt at dragging him into the small talk,

“What’s that you’re reading there, Draco dear? A letter from a friend?”

Draco smiles up at her, replying in a clear voice,

“Yes, Harry’s tried to explain what Muggle plugs are to me.”

His mother stares at him as his father snaps his head up, fixing his son with a very confused look, mingling with anger.
Lucius speaks,

“I hope for your own sake that this is a very funny joke of yours, Draco.”

The boy shakes his head, smiling in a braver way than he feels.

“No. Harry and I have been friends since second year.”

His father is steadily turning purple, and Draco can see his hand clenched on the silver cane.
His mother hastily tries to repair the situation,

“Lucius, my love, I’m sure Draco is just having a good joke, or perhaps doing one of those games popular these days, a ‘dare’ isn’t it?”

Draco glances between the two. They would only have grab the letter from across the table to confirm his own words.
His father sighs,

“Perhaps, as I know that no son of ours would ever affiliate with such.. scum.”

Draco stares at his father in shock. Lucius goes back to eating his dinner, face tired and closed off once more.
They’re both aware Draco’s still friends with Hermione (and therefore probably Harry too), for which he has been punished for already this summer, but his father is blindly pretending this isn’t true.

Maybe Lucius Malfoy is tired, or maybe he just wants to keep up the appearance of the ‘rich, beautiful, pureblood Malfoys’, and doesn’t mind about secret friendships and such. It’s true that his friendship with ‘Mione is public, compared to his with Harry- and he’s going to change that this year.

“May I be excused.”

He says this without waiting for a reply, rushing out of the oppressive stately room and upstairs as fast as possible, hiding his confusion and anger at the non-reaction with his head held high.

*

A few days later Draco is stretched out on a chair in the Manor library, and he’s reading a very interesting recently published book about pureblood genealogy.
He used to flip through this in order to make a note of who he is related to, as there are quite a few students at school somehow related to the Blacks and Malfoys, which grosses him out a bit. He notes them down so that he doesn’t somehow accidentally going out with them, which is unlikely at present, but would be really bad.

But right now, he’s reading the book because he has found a section on Sirius, who’s his mother’s cousin, which he had never actually known. His mother doesn’t talk much about her family, with one sister in Azkaban and one disowned for marrying a muggle and having a child. Draco knows his mum misses her sister Andromeda though.
The section about Sirius Black in the book is short, barely a paragraph, and doesn’t really contain any details. What he does find out is that Sirius was the first Black to be sorted into Gryffindor, and not into Slytherin, in the last 500 years. After that it was sort of a downhill ride. He apparently was burnt off of the family tree tapestry at 15 years old, disowned by his parents, his brother Regulus made heir instead. It’s interesting that the Black’s all carried on the family tradition of astronomy-themed middle names (and even sometimes first names), like him and his mother.
Draco has two middle names, but only one he really likes- his full name is ‘Draco Lucius Leo Malfoy’. Leo for the lion constellation, ironic with how very Slytherin he is, but when he asked about it his mother just said she liked it and it suits him, and that is that.

Draco resolves to ask Sirius about what happened, and find out where he went after being disowned.

Draco knows there’s a war coming, or something like it, he’s not an idiot. He also knows there will be sides and he will have to choose. He needs a backup option if his family choose a different side. He hopes that at least his mother would stick with him. But still.

So, in a letter to Harry, he asks if the Gryffindor can send on a letter of his to Sirius. He attaches the letter to Sirius Black and the long one (6 pages of parchment) together, sending them via the local village post office to Little Whinging.
Harry had written Draco 5 sheets of parchment last time, though, to be fair, so it’s not like Draco is being a bit crazy with the length of his letter- he has a lot he needs to tell Harry anyway.

After he completes this task and gets back to the Manor, he collects his violin and bow, going outside to his favourite alcove to practice, thinking up new plans to annoy his father as he does so. His back still hurts from the fresh cuts his father gave him a week ago- they had been different though, only two, his father seeming distant as he ‘disciplined’ Draco.
His mother had cleaned him up as best as she could, but she hadn’t stepped in to protect him, and so it didn’t particularly make him feel better.

He omitted these particular details of his summer in the 6 page letter to Harry, of course.

*

After two days of moping about, waiting impatiently, Harry’s response arrives for Draco at the local post office.
Draco eagerly grabs is, thanking the assistant, before running back home and down to the Lake of Dying Stars ( in the manor grounds).

This is where he usually goes when he wants privacy- if you peer into the lake on certain full moons, it’s said you’ll see someone from the past or the future who’s also looking in the lake, peering back at you. It’s only happened once for Draco- he saw a blondish boy not unlike himself, dressed in a red tunic, who waved at him and grinned a toothy grin, before disappearing when Draco blinked.

Anyway, he sits on soft grass by the lake, opening the letter hungrily. He counts 6 pages of parchment and grins, before beginning to read:

Dear blond-weirdo-who-doesn’t-tan-and-hates-the-cold,

Firstly, I give up on trying to explain the plugs, okay. Ask Hermione- I’m sure she will have helpful diagrams and probably a whole book on the things. And no- they don’t get powered by tiny house elfs turning tiny levers. Draco. What. On. Earth.
Don’t worry, I will not be telling Hermione you said that, what with all her SPEW and house elf petitions she keeps writing about starting. Although, you did help free Dobby, so there’s a high chance you’ll be roped in (how fab is that).

Anyway, on a more serious note (Sirius, get it), I’ve sent your letter to my godfather. As soon as there’s a reply I’ll forward it on to you, obvs.
A weird yellow bird that looked like it was from some tropical island was what Sirius sent to get your letter. Hopefully it gets to him safely, wherever he is.
I hope he’s having a good time, tanning on an island somewhere- although I know he misses Lupin. More on that later, I can tell you at school! You won’t believe what Sirius told me about him and our old Defence professor.
He said I’m allowed to tell you, because you’ll ‘understand’, whatever that means. No idea what Sirius was on about with that but it does mean I can tell you about all the gossip soon. (Do I sound like Pansy?)
But yeah- as I said, more on that later!!

Are your peacocks still alive and well? I had a nightmare about one of them last night, so cheers for that.
Honestly though, a night without dreaming of Voldemort is a good night- peacock nightmares and all.
Since you asked, yeah, I did have another bad dream. It was three days ago, and it felt like I was watching from Voldemort kind of, if that makes sense. Ugh, I know it doesn’t, but you know.
It was really horrible though, Draco, I think Voldemort has somehow got back into a sort of body- although he’s still really frail.
I’m pretty sure this letter isn’t being read by any of Voldemort’s spies, as I doubt they know how muggle post works, so I will tell you the rest of the details.
Wormtail was there. I’m so annoyed he escaped- sometimes I wish I killed him that night, but I don’t think I would’ve been able to anyway. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad.
There was another man too, brown-haired and younger, with proper crazy-person eyes. He is doing something, a task, for Voldemort, but I’m not sure what. Oh, and lovely Moldy-Voldy had a snake too. In my dream it killed an old man, a muggle, who was the caretaker of the house they were all in.

I’m sorry for telling you all this, I don’t want you to have nightmares, but you did ask after all, and I don’t know if I should tell Sirius. He would only worry. I know you said I should tell him when I last wrote to you and mentioned the dreams, so maybe I will.

By the way, I borrowed ‘The Picture of Dorian Gray’ from the library yesterday because you talk about it with ‘Mione a lot and I wondered what all the fuss was about. I’m already a quarter of the way through.
Do Basil and Dorian get together, because it feels like there’s something going on between them. Dorian is sort of awful to Basil though, but maybe he’s just oblivious- or playing with him? Let me know what you think, you’re the expert on muggle books- other than Hermione. I’m having to hide it from Dudley etc, because if they see it they’ll think I’m gay, which would make them treat me rather a lot worse than they are already. I’m aware of most of the context of it, with Wilde and all, so I know that’s what the Dursley’s would think.
Did you know about the trials of Oscar Wilde and his affair with Alfred Douglas, his banishment to Paris, and all that? I read a book from the library about Wilde last summer- I’ll borrow it again and send it to you if you want.

Also, about the Quidditch World Cup- yeah, I am going. The Weasley’s are going to come get me in the day before the final, and then we’re all going to pitch a tent there on the last day.
I can’t wait- Ron’s letters are literally only about Quidditch, and Krum, Krum, Krum. Ron just needs to ask Victor out, seriously, he’s infatuated with the man.
Hopefully we can see each other there, you could come find our tent when your father’s busy talking to officials or something. I wonder if your hair is longer- I have a feeling it is.

And what’s this about you piercing your ear! Wicked cool, Dray.

But seriously, all the ‘rebel’ stuff you wrote about.. I hope you’re safe, and you know what you’re doing, okay? Please don’t push your father too far, I’m pretty worried about you. So are Hermione and Ron, and Pansy too- she sent me a letter asking if I knew anything more about why your father isn’t letting you go round her’s or Theo’s house this summer.
Random note, but that just got ‘Rebel Rebel’ stuck in my head. Can’t wait to listen to Bowie again with you in the tapestry room, you know.
Don’t do anything crazy please please please, and let me know what you’re going to do next if it’s something mad like freeing all your family house elves by giving them bobble hats and gloves.

See you at the World Cup. I miss you, you idiot,

From a worried Harry

P.S- I can’t believe your other middle name is Leo. I bet you were a hair away from being sorted into Gryffindor, your name literally has both the lion and dragon constellations. So brilliant. While I’m just boring old Harry, ugh.

P.P.S- It’s nearly your birthday (and mine!) and I still don’t know what to get you, I’ve been trying to find something for weeks. Would you be happy with an electric plug?...

*

In the final four weeks of summer before the highly anticipated Quidditch Cup, some family friends of Draco’s parents come over to stay.

They’re French, Monsieur Lámboc knows his father from Lucius Malfoy’s lawyer days, his first job, and Madame Lámboc knew Narcissa Malfoy from when Draco’s mother used to spend summers in France as a young girl. So, they are very close, although they have not been round for a few years due to political differences. Mainly, because the Lámboc have pretty neutral views on Muggles and blood purity, but most definitely don’t subscribe to Lucius Malfoy’s kind of views. Madame and Monsieur Lámboc had both gotten into a furious argument with Lucius a couple of years ago.

It seems, however, that Narcissa has managed to reconcile them, hence them staying at the Manor. They’re also in England for the World Cup, as are many wizards and witches from all over Europe.

The Lámbocs have two children- a daughter that’s only 2 years old, Marinette, and a son a year older than Draco himself, Hugo.
Hugo and Draco are pretty good friends, having known each other for a while, Hugo is one of the few people who knows the actual Draco Malfoy.
Hugo is quite a quiet boy, but he can be sarcastically funny and is amazing at Quidditch.
Draco always looks forward to talking to him too, because he doesn’t need to cover up what he really means, and because he can practise his French!

They arrive on a very hot day, a week after Harry sent Sirius’ response to Draco’s letter (it had taken a while to get there from whatever tropical place Sirius is at). Sirius’ letter was short but funnt, and Draco learnt that the man had stayed with the Potters when he was disowned at 15, which makes Draco sad that Harry’s obviously caring grandparents are dead, along with his parents.
His parents are seem far more harmonious than they are while greeting their old friends- Narcissa had gotten into a huge fight with Lucius only a few days prior.

What had happened was this.
Draco had been inspired by Harry’s letter, and decided to free the Malfoy house elves. There were 10 overall. He had gone down to the kitchens where they all were, and thanked them gratefully for their service. They’d always been kind to him, cleaning his cuts when he fell or was beaten, telling him stories.
In the Malfoy kitchen, he told them all to go to Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, giving them a note signed by him to hand to Dumbledore/Snape. He knew they would get good work there, and could even be paid if they wanted.
He had then given each of them a bobbled hat, freeing them all. They’d crowded round him and shaken his hand multiple times, before zipping off to Hogwarts.

As anyone would expect, Lucius Malfoy was not happy about this. But when he went to hit Draco with his cane upon finding out, Narcissa had held out her arm and grabbed his cane, stopping him from hurting Draco.
A long screaming match had ensued, Draco’s father probably very shocked that his wife would actually stand up to him, finally.
The shouting had ended with Lucius storming out, and no one had really been speaking to each other since.

But for their guests, they might as well be a happy family, for all the smiles Lucius has today. After the greetings and gifts, the adults and little Marinette go to the drawing room to catch up, Draco and Hugo left to their own devices.
They first play Quidditch till they’re both exhausted- something they always used to do whenever their families got together. Draco enjoys shouting insults and exclamations in French as they play, Hugo laughing and unbothered.

The two of them then traipse to the ornamental gardens at the back of the Manor, to lie in the grass and have a chat. They speak in French:

“You are different, Draco. Although your insults have got not better.”

Draco grins in response,

“I’m taller, I know. You could teach me some more insults, please please please. I bet you’ve got some really good ones from Beauxbatons.”

Hugo beside him rolls his eyes.

“Always the drama queen Draco. But that’s not how you’ve changed. There’s someone you like, isn’t there?”

Draco rolls over to give Hugo an annoyed look, rolling his eyes.

“Absolutely not. I don’t like anyone, except maybe myself. But even then.”

Hugo props his chin up with his hand and glances at Draco.

“Sure, sure. Don’t worry, I will figure it out when our school comes to Hogwarts in October.”

This catches Draco’s attention, he sits up, staring at Hugo.

“What?!”

“Oh your father has not informed you? I think he knows about it too. Well, this year they’re bringing back the Triwizard Tournament. My friend Fleur, two years above, is hoping to enter, actually.”

Draco continues to stare at Hugo, his mind whirring quickly.

“But, didn’t they have to stop it 5 years ago because it’s so dangerous? A student almost died, I heard about it from my friend Pansy!”

Hugo shrugs, watching Draco closely. The next thing he says to the blond is almost as shocking as the announcement of the Triwizard Tournament, but somehow not.

“Draco, can I kiss you?”

He says it in such a way that Draco knows it’s a pretty casual question, not designed to lead to anything more. And it’s not like the boy he wants to kiss so badly is there- he’s currently in Little Whinging far away, and incredibly unlikely to ever return his feelings.
Draco looks at Hugo’s lips and the neat parting of the boy’s reddish brown hair, and realises he does indeed want to kiss him.

“Yes”

Hugo leans up to Draco and their lips meet, and Draco knows he’s gay, for sure and certain.
He’s hesitant at first, never having kissed anyone before and knowing this is probably a one time thing. But he soon moves into the kiss, biting down playfully on the other boy’s lips. Hugo’s hands pull Draco’s hair playfully as they snog, the blond barely holding back the desire to moan slightly.

Among the tall grasses of the Malfoy estate, the two kiss for what seems like forever, the sun melting into dusk behind them.