The Pirates

“Are you all right?” Draco hovered by Hermione’s side as she watched the pirates board their ship.

“Fine.”

Draco nodded in response, oblivious to the fact she was clearly lying. “I don't trust these guys.”

Hermione scoffed, as he walked away from her to the edge of the cliff. “Not that fine.”

Draco paused at her words and turned towards her, “You know, I thought I'd lost you, but I'll light a thousand candles for the luck that kept you safe.”

Hermione rolled her eyes,“Luck? I almost took that twit.”

Draco gave her a small smile as he said, “You did well, for a woman, but now there's a man's work to be done,” He turned back towards the ocean. “ I'm going to keep watch until their ship is safely over the horizon.”

“Woman?” Hermione whispered. She had never been deemed a woman, not even when she turned twenty-one. She was still Papa’s little girl…”Papa, about this custom…” She bolted to her father’s side. 

“Yes, about this custom,” Pansy smirked as she trailed along their father’s right side. “I’m the eldest, at twenty-three.” She pushed her black hair behind her ears. 

“Thirty-three.” Hermione corrected with a roll of her eyes. 

“Alright, back to the castle, the lot of you!” Her father avoided his daughters as he marched on away from them. 

“But papa-”

“Off you go!” He waved off her siblings as he brought Hermione to his side. “The custom is irrelevant. Younger or oldest, I can not allow you marry this penniless adventurer. He's a nasty pirate person. Even besides- he's poor.” Filius gave Draco a disgusted look at the young man staring off into the sea.

     Draco sighed deeply as he watched his longtime friends raise anchor. His eyes narrowed as the ship hovered right outside the cove. “They’re anchoring outside the cove!” He yelled to the women and Hermione’s father – who rolled his eyes. 

“Common fellow.” Her father muttered to himself. 

“But what if he wasn't poor?” Hermone asked.

“Hmm?”

“Diamonds, rubies, gold coins.” She patted her father’s arm excitedly as a plan came to the surface of her brain.

“What a nice boy!” Filius clapped his hands together. 

 “Even if it wasn't his money?”

Filius’ head snapped towards her as his eyebrows scrunched together. His head tilted to the side as he bargained. “Well, for your happiness...Whose money?” 

“Your’s.”

“Mine?” 

Hermione walked circles around her father as they drew closer to the castle. “The family treasures, stolen from you by the pirates. Supposing Frederic were to recover the treasure...minus salvage rights, expenses, attorney's fees, my commission…”

“And if he fails?”

Hermione smiled widely, “ if he fails, we'll shack up.” 

Hours passed as Hermione and Draco met on the beach. She stripped down to her bra and underwear as Draco paused, and gulped. 

“Here's what we do, we swim out to the ship, board it, get the stolen treasure and swim back. Easy, right? What's the matter?”

He blushed deeply as he turned away. “I've never seen a woman like that before.”

“The body's an eight, the brain's a ten, so let's go.” Hermione ran towards the water, as Draco shook his head. He joined soon after as they each plunged into the freezing ocean. They swam out to the ship that stayed close to the shore. They slowly climbed the ladders on the side and peeked over the railing. 

“So where is it?” Hermione whispered as they climbed aboard. Pirates laid randomly across the deck, drunk. 

Draco looked around as he held in a laugh at the sight of his drunken friends. “It's not here.”

Hermione whipped around, “Well where is it?” Her hands flew into the air dramatically. They’d gone there for no reason. 

 “It fell overboard on an uncharted reef, but there's a map.” Draco leaned against the cabin's walls as a parrot flew above them into the dark sky. 

“Where?”

Draco paused, but continued when Hermione raised an eyebrow. “Theo has it.” 

“Theo's got it? Well how do we get it?”

Draco shrugged, “It's tattooed on his back.” 

Hermione hummed as she stole a linen shirt hanging from a clothesline above her, “Tattooed on his back?”

Draco nodded, “Yes, but no one's ever seen it, he never takes his shirt off in public.”

Hermione held back a smirk as she said,  “I'll make him take his shirt off.”

Draco paused midstep, eyebrows furrowed. “How?” 

“Get something to write on and meet me below.” Hermione ordered as she slipped into the lower living quarters. 

Draco sighed, but headed back to the main deck.  “Okay, okay.” He whispered to himself as he slowly stole parchment from the sleeping pirates. 

Theo took a swig of his whiskey as he swiped at the empty glasses on the table. The door to his quarters squeaked as Hermione leaned on it slightly.  “Ole! Blaise?” She stayed still as he yelled, “Reveal yourself or die!” He drunkenly stepped forward, sword held forward, but towards the floor.

Hermione stepped through the door slowly. Theo’s gaze lingered on her bare legs as the linen shirt hovered just past her hidden garments.

“I was in the neighborhood and I saw your light on.” 

Theo shook his head, unsure if he had been drinking too much and had fallen asleep or whether this was some strange reality. “Hermione,” He murmured. He stepped forward as she paused in the doorway. 

She hated that she didn’t need to correct him, as she had done previously. She folded her arms across her chest defensively. “What are you doing here, Hermione? Frankly HOW did you get here?” 

“Never heard of swimming?” 

Theo rolled his eyes as he tried to close the gap between them. “You still didn’t answer my first question,” His eyes lingered on her bare shoulders as the shirt was too large for her smaller frame. 

“Do you want the truth or what you’d prefer I’m here for?” She smirked as she walked further into his quarters. In the dead center was a large four-post bed with sea green sheets. She sat lazily on the edge of the bed as he reached for the bottle of whiskey on his table.

“I’d prefer not to have to kill you, you’re far too beautiful for that.” 

Draco scaled down the side of the ship as he landed in front of the large windows that lead to Theo’s quarters. He slowly peaked his head around the edge of the window, and held back a scoff as he saw Hermione on Theo’s bed. Hermione looked out the window, just as a blonde puff of hair moved out of sight. 

“Today you tried to kill my Captain.” Theo mused as he passed her a glass of the amber liquid. 

“Well, some people send flowers. I fancy a chap or his mates, I try to kill him.” Hermione smirked as Theo choked lightly on his alcohol. 

“Fuck the true reason you’re here,” Theo threw the glass behind him, ignoring the glass that shattered on the wall next to his large, open window. Draco dodged the glass shards just in time. Theo sauntered over to Hermione and leaned over her. Their faces were inches apart as she raised an eyebrow.

“Is that a dagger in your pocket or are you just glad to see me.” 

“Oh..don’t fret, love. I promise it’s both. You’re not afraid of a knife, are you?” Theo held her jaw in place as he stared into her eyes. 

She shuffled further onto the bed, red in the face as she said, “Why don't you, um, take off your shirt.” 

“No,” He backed off of her as he ran a hand through his curls. He looked back at her curiously, but hungrily.  “Now.. My love, put a sailor out of his misery. Let's try taking your shirt off first.” 

Hermione swat his hands away, “ No, no how about you? You first!”

“Why?” Theo asked with a raised brow and arms crossed behind his back.

“Because I'm shy and I'm also a feminist, and that naturally means the man goes first.” Hermione batted her eyes.

“That’s nonsense but if that means I’ll get to tear your clothes off, I’ll allow it.” Theo slowly stripped his black linen shirt.

Hermione’s blush deepened. He was chiseled and sun kissed. Why’d he have to have the map tattooed on his back? The more important question, she asked herself was why he had to be gloriously fine. 

Theo jokingly flexed his arms, “Two hunderd and two push-ups a day. Now…” He stepped forward as she slipped under his arms. His damn good looking arms. 

 “I need some fresh air.” Hermione rushed as she ran to the open window. Draco peeped his head around as she shoved him back outside. Luckily Theo didn’t notice the movements as he was focused on chugging the rest of his liquor in his cup. Hermione moved towards the art that hung on the wall as he walked towards her.

“I know all about art, I just don't know what I like. This is a very…” Theo grabbed her by the waist as he hoisted her into his arms.

“Surely, you don't tease?”

“No, there's just this one little thing I forgot to tell you.” Hermione leaned into him as she whispered into his ear. His cheeks reddened at the idea. He laid her lightly down on the bed as he took a deep breath. He was lucky he was sloshed for this…If he was sober he would be too embarrassed. 

“Hmm... You ready for this?” 

 “Go for it.”

Theo flexed his muscles as he posed for her, back facing the windows.  “oh, this is just perfect... oh my, oh those muscles...oh I'm gonna faint, I'm gonna faint...oh that's just so good, it's perfect, just a little more to the left, oh that's great.” 

Draco grabbed the parchment and ink and quickly redrew the large map tattooed on his back. He kept pausing at her words, and poked his own arm muscles in response. 

“Oh I like that...that's good, that's very good, I like that, just a little..just a little to the...oh that's so good...oh I love it, oh god I can't stand it anymore.” Hermione tapped her feet excitedly on the ground as Theo held in a laugh. “If you don't stop I'll die. More, more, more, more. Oh that's wonderful, more. Oh my god, just a little to the left. Oh my god this is incredible. Oh, you are really turning me on, I must say. This is wonderful.”

Theo took a deep breath as he walked towards her on the bed, “You ready yet?”

Hermione held in a laugh at his struggle, “There's just one more thing…” Though, she couldn’t deny seeing all of his muscles like that did truly turn her on.

“There is?” He leaned over her as he placed his hands on her cheeks. “You and your little games. I love an interesting woman. What did you have in mind?” 

Hermione whispered in his ear and kissed his cheek. Draco held back a growl as he climbed back up the ship. Theo smirked as he blew out the candle. She rolled one of his shirts as she placed it over his eyes. She backed up slowly to the door and paused to watch him bump into the furniture, trying to find her. 

“Where are you my little nymph?” He whispered. A chill tickled her back as she leaned against the door. Part of her didn’t want to leave. She led him to the bed as he chuckled. She sat on his lap as he wrapped his arms around her lightly. 

“Hermione,” He whispered as he kissed her neck.

Their lips crashed together as a parrot screeched from above, “Traitors aboard. Traitors aboard.” 

They separated quickly as Theo’s door whipped open, to a fuming Draco. “What have you done?” Theo turned towards Hermione, as he stepped away from her. 

“Theo-”

Theo held up his hand as he motioned for the pair to leave. Draco grabbed Hermione’s hand as he dragged her out of his quarters. Glass breaking echoed through the corridor as Theo slammed her used glass against the door. 

“So that was sex, huh? I don't see what there is to get so excited about.” Draco huffed.

Hermione rolled her eyes as she held out her hands, “Where's the map?” Draco passed it to her as he hung small floaters around each of the pirate’s bodies. “What are those things for?”

“Well, while you were distracted, I put a hole in the ship, and it's sinking. After all, they were my friends.”

“ Oh, Draco, I-”

“ Look out! Traitors aboard! Traitors aboard! Help!” A large red parrot squealed, awakening its master next to him.

“Jump!” Hermione yelled as they reached the edge of the ship while the crew slowly woke.

“Cowards! I can see you now. Stop swimming. You'll regret this.” Sirius yelled as he exited the lower quarters with Theo in tow.

Draco whooped and hollered from the water as the ship lowered, “You're sinking. Sink! Sink! Wahoo!” 

Hermione gulped as Theo maintained eye contact from the edge of the ship as it lowered beneath the waves.

Draco and Hermione left together the next day on a small boat with scuba gear to search for the hidden treasure. As Draco searched under the water, Hermione stayed in the boat and sang,

“Hey it's an old wives' story,
Said it's old wives' tale.
It said love is glory, I tell you love's so frail.
Loving needs a bandage, and intensive care,
And it's a disadvantage, when you're playin' fair.”

Draco kicked at the sand and waved at the fishes that swam by.

If you're treading water, and romance is on the slide,
Don't you know you have to swallow something more than water;
It's your pride.

Ah-huh, I've huffed and puffed
Just to keep love going.
I'm done, I've had enough
A pumpin' and a blowin'.

(Keep pumpin', blowin'; keep pumpin', blowin')

Draco bent down and moved the sand slightly as he found a large wooden chest. He opened it and revealed a large trove of jewels and gold. He snatched a golden necklace and swam to the surface. Hermione grabbed it excitedly as Draco smiled widely at her. He swam back down to grab the rest as she sang,

“You know a woman's labor is never, ever done.
So could you do me a favor, and father tell your son:
If he's treading water, and romance is on the slide,
Don't you know you have to swallow something more than water;
It's your pride.” 

She thought of Theo, and how he was doing. She held her face in her hands as she fought between the two men.

Ah-huh, I've huffed and puffed
Just to keep love going.
I'm done, I've had enough
A pumpin' and a blowin'.