The Prettiest Star

To convince her to get out of bed, Alice had promised to treat her to breakfast at the bar before heading to university, and since Mary wasn't particularly keen on getting up early in the morning, it was just the two of them. The fact that Alice worked at a bar made it even more enjoyable: it meant they could arrive early, have the place to themselves, and enjoy the privilege of eating the girl's cooking. Dorcas was convinced that if Alice opened a pastry shop, she would have no rivals in London. The most absurd thing was that when asked about her secret ingredient, Alice always responded with something cheesy like "the heart ," and you couldn't help but believe her because everything that came from her hands exuded all the affection she was capable of.

So Dorcas could enjoy a hot coffee and freshly baked cookies at her own pace while she and Alice chatted about this and that. The casual conversations were mainly driven by her friend, who could smoothly transition from one topic to another as if it were nothing, without ever touching on unpleasant subjects or making others uncomfortable. Dorcas could almost consider it a superpower, especially when Alice managed to engage in such conversations with her specifically. They talked about university, her upcoming exams, hinted at planning an outing and rehearsals, discussed music and work, going with the flow of the morning. It was the ringing of the phone that interrupted them.

But when the girl pulled her phone out of her pocket to answer, she stared at the vibrating screen in her hand as if she had seen a ghost. Or rather, the name she had seen could be considered that of a ghost. Probably Alice understood from her expression what was happening because she gave her an encouraging smile with a nod before turning away and giving her privacy. Dorcas took a deep breath and answered the call, bringing the phone to her ear. Hearing the voice on the other end of the line was enough to reignite her anger.

<<Hey.>>

<<…>>

<<You there?>>

<<Welcome back to the land of the living.>>

<<I didn't know I was dead.>> The crystalline laughter that accompanied the sentence on the other end of the phone only worsened her mood. How could someone be so petty?

<<I took it for granted since you decided to disappear from the face of the earth for a week. The alternative was that you went to Alaska.>>

<<I wouldn't mind going to Alaska now that I think about it.>>

Dorcas ran her hand through her braids, incredulous at the playful tone she was getting back. <<You're unbelievable.>>

<<Modestly.>>

<<Mar->>

<<I mean, if you think about it, it would be a fantastic adventure to go among the glaciers.>>

The girl's patience was running out; she couldn't believe Marlene had seriously called her after disappearing to talk about the first nonsense that came to her mind while she had been going through a nervous breakdown because of her nonsense. She didn't need to justify herself when she raised her voice.

<<MARLENE.>> Dorcas called her name, feeling the mood on the other side of the phone change as any strange talk about witnessing the melting of glaciers came to a halt.

<<What's wrong?>>

<<You can't be serious. What does this mean? Why are you calling me just now?>> There were a few seconds of silence.

<<Come on, Cas, you know I've done worse from this perspective.>>

<< Marlene, that's the problem. Overnight, you decide to disappear for as long as you like without telling anyone, as if you don't owe the rest of the world an explanation. It doesn't work like that. You stood me up, again. I can't go on with the risk that you might disappear at any moment and then come back whenever it suits you or not come back at all without even notifying anyone. You can't seriously think that all of this is humanly bearable. If not for yourself, at least for me.>> Another pause.

<<I'm sorry, Cas, I just can't understand what the problem is, honestly.>>

There was a sarcastic laugh that left the girl's lips at the bar. She was shaking her head and couldn't really grasp what she was hearing. <<Of course, you don't understand, because wherever you go and whatever you're doing, when you get bored enough, you'll always find me in the same place, right? Waiting for your favors and whims. What does it matter to you, after all?>>

<<Don't antagonize me, you know that->>

<<What do I know, Marls, hm? Explain to me what I'm missing.>>

<<You're missing that we agreed it would be something casual. Am I wrong?>> Dorcas felt the hand holding the phone tremble, and anger rose to her eyes. She wanted to tear her hair out with her own hands.

<<It was supposed to be something for us, not just for you. I think you've forgotten that little detail.>>

<<Then why did you respond? Why don't you cut me off if I make you so miserable?>>

Sometimes, the straw that breaks the camel's back isn't sudden or unexpected. It's just the last of the continuous straws one insists on collecting in their own pile to avoid giving up the position where it sits. Sometimes, it's the same personal determination that encourages that final straw to fall, and you don't have a precise conception of it until the waters overflow. Dorcas had expected such a response; she had handed Marlene the upper hand from the beginning, from the moment she not only answered but also showed her distress. She had offered her the opportunity on a silver platter to stay. Maybe she had just hoped that, contrary to her expectations, this opportunity wouldn't be seized. It hurt her, leading her to start thinking about why she continued to behave this way.

<<Go fuck yourself, Marls.>>

The call ended like that, leaving the girl's head so filled with anger that it wasn't enough to exhale a frustrated sigh. She took the money owed to Alice from her pocket, even though Alice had promised to buy her breakfast, and left it on the counter with a thud, without adding a word. She turned towards the door to leave. However, when the door opened, it revealed Sirius' confused look as he was about to start his shift. She didn't even wonder if he actually recognized her; it didn't matter in the end. The only thing she could think of was that, for some absurd reason, the universe had it in for her, and this was the proof. She bumped into him as he entered, so even if he wanted to raise his hand to greet her, he wouldn't have seen her. She was so out of it that she inadvertently slammed the bar's door shut and headed for the university with such long strides that other pedestrians on the sidewalks moved out of her way before she even got close to them. But to be honest, she didn't care much to do something else about it.

Her pace didn't change, neither at the entrance nor in the hallways of the building. When Mary saw her from a distance, her expression shifted from an encouraging smile to an extremely alarmed one because her friend's mannerisms could only convey one thing, and it didn't bode well. She didn't even have time to greet her or ask her what had happened, as she passed by as if she wasn't even there. Mary could be considered her best friend and generally wasn't one to be easily offended, but she was so shocked by her behavior, which was indeed unusual by Dorcas's standards, that she watched her with her mouth open. As Dorcas headed toward her class, Mary remained relatively still, watching her, and then simply walked away with a frown on her face, but the curiosity weighing on her thoughts - what had exactly happened - remained one of her top priorities in principle.

As her friend walked away, Dorcas sat down with a thud in class, causing the person next to her to snap their head up. Remus was dead tired, and loud noises in the early morning weren't his favorite things, which was precisely why he chose to sit next to Dorcas. And seeing that it was she who had offered him this scenario had actually worried him. But, just like in Mary's case, he couldn't say anything, this time because she spoke first.

<<We're going for a drink tonight.>> There followed a few seconds of silence during which Remus analyzed her to determine if he should actually ask if something had happened or stay quiet and nod. He was actually pleased by the idea, all he needed was to find a quiet corner and have the opportunity to drink on his own. However, he decided to venture a question anyway.

<<Are you okay?>>

<<Absolutely.>> The message that it wasn't the time to insist came across loud and clear, and he found himself nodding slowly.

<<Pub?>>

<<With music, loud. Even a place to dance, I don't care.>>

╚══════╝

Before arriving at the pub, Dorcas had received numerous calls and messages from Marlene, all of which she had intentionally ignored. At least for one evening, she thought she had the right to behave this way. Once she got back home, she had kicked Mary out of their room and locked herself in to process her anger. When she emerged, she had eaten the bare minimum while Mary had tormented her with a barrage of questions that had gone unanswered, and then she had gone to get ready. Treating Mary so poorly was not something she was accustomed to doing, and she genuinely felt guilty, but in her current position, what else could she do? She didn't feel like talking about it in general, and Mary wasn't very good at leaving people to their solitude; she believed that discussing things immediately reduced the number of problems that could arise from them. A touching reasoning that unfortunately didn't align with the need for space that occupied every corner of Dorcas' mind at that moment. She decided simply to tell Mary that she was going out for a drink with Remus. Mary had looked at her leaning against the door frame and stated with an authoritative tone that couldn't be contradicted that she would come with them too.

<<Wow.>> Remus had greeted her, leaning against the pub's wall with a slight smile and a lit cigarette between his lips. In response, Dorcas smiled at him and spun around. After hours of thoughtful contemplation, she had decided to wear low-rise navy blue pants with flared legs that partially covered her shoes, paired with a muted orange top tied at the front and bell sleeves. Why she put in so much effort remained a detail she decided not to dwell on. Typically, as she had realized the previous evening, she reduced herself to a rag, trapped in her self-pity. Perhaps she had simply had enough, and occupying her mind with the idea of dressing nicely to go out for a drink with a friend was more satisfying. She was dressing for herself, going out for herself, with people who genuinely wanted to be with her. That was fine. In fact, showing off her well-thought-out outfit and carefully applied makeup just to go for a drink in some dingy pub, where, she convinced herself, she would be one of the best-dressed people given the level of effort she had reserved, somehow boosted her mood. When Remus saw Mary's figure behind them, he raised a confused eyebrow but decided not to comment, because seeing her with her arms crossed and that look that could pierce the head of any bouncer in the vicinity was intimidating enough to make him keep quiet.

<<So>> Remus began almost hesitantly while taking a final drag of his cigarette before extinguishing it in the nearby trash can and tossing it there. At that moment, it seemed almost comical to Dorcas. Remus was a heavy smoker, using cigarette filters as asthmatics used inhalers, to a concerning extent, but since she had known him, he had never thrown a cigarette on the sidewalk. Instead, he kept them in his pocket, even when fully consumed, much to the detriment of his poor trousers. But throwing them on the ground? Remus had never done that. The girl thought about how this detail contrasted with Remus' frightening height and the scar on his face, which unintentionally made him threatening without any effort on his part, probably not even his intention. Dorcas herself felt guilty about having had her doubts when she first met him. Every time the topic came up, he shrugged it off as if it didn't affect him and he was used to it. Especially after getting to know him better, Dorcas never bought it. <<This pub is quite chaotic; better to know before you go in.>>

The "perfect" that came from Dorcas' lips was accompanied by Mary's irritated grunt instead. Mary had been the life of the party for a lifetime, and she still knew how to be, but a part of her had silently withdrawn from the excess, as if it no longer belonged to her. The environment itself bothered her, and her friend knew it well. But after all, she had come of her own free will, against all the reassurances Dorcas had tried to give her. Before she could speak, though, Remus felt the urge to justify himself.

<<I usually don't like them either. But she needed a distraction.>> he said, turning to Mary with an uncertain yet encouraging smile, which dissolved Mary's disapproving gaze with a resigned sigh. After that, she headed toward the entrance of the venue, passing by them. Remus followed her, not before winking in Dorcas' direction and holding the door open for her.

Once inside, it wasn't difficult to understand why Remus had chosen that place: the soft blue lighting, the part of the venue where people were actually dancing, a large bar with at least three bartenders working, red leather stools adding a modern touch to the wooden décor, loud music that could be felt in one's bones. Dorcas could feel the rhythm. She could follow it with her hands and play it in her mind.

TUM TUM TSCH TUM TUM TSCH

A sigh-like laugh escaped her lips. As long as she felt the rhythm beneath her feet, strong and steady, ordered, Dorcas felt at ease. She was real, and there were ordered entities in the world, and if they existed, it meant she could control them, guide them. Somehow, things would return to order, find their rhythm again, for better or for worse, they always did, and this lifted her spirits, removing a burden from her shoulders.

<<I'm going to see if they have something non-alcoholic in this place.>> Remus nodded at her, indicating she should take her time while he and Dorcas sat at the bar.

<<Did I pick the right place?>> he asked.

The girl simply nodded, looking around to examine the environment. She spotted a wall full of vinyl records and couldn't help but laugh because it was the worst place to put vinyl records. And, of course, Remus Lupin knew a pub where they played loud music and had a wall of vinyl records, to the point that she began to have her doubts about Remus not going there often. Despite the crowded dance floor, unlike many other venues in central London, the one Remus had offered her that evening was peaceful, the people dancing weren't too packed together, there was space. It made sense to her, and that made Dorcas relax her shoulders.

Before the two could resume their conversation, one of the bartenders who was working approached them.

<<Tell me, what can I get for you?>> The girl had a friendly demeanor, her red hair tied in a voluminous ponytail, with a noticeable buzz cut at the back of her neck contrasting with the incredible volume of her hair.

<<I'll just have a beer for now, thanks,>> Remus replied. But Dorcas shot him a disgusted look and stopped him in his tracks, clicking her tongue disapprovingly.

<<Do you have shots?>> The bartender's eyebrows shot up quickly as she inspected Dorcas from top to bottom.

<<Of course, darling, or else, what am I here for?>>

<<Great, two shots each of something strong, your choice.>>

This made the one on the other side laugh, and with a playful wink, Dorcas mentally noted that she had a nice smile and that when she smiled, the little tattoo under her left eye folded up on itself.

<<Great, I'll be right back then>> she said, before walking away with a final wink, leaving Remus unable to resist commenting on what he had noticed, just to get back at her for his move.

<<It's not like you have to put me in an alcohol-induced coma just to impress pretty bartenders.>> He leaned on the marble bar with his elbow, supporting his head with a feigned air of boredom, failing to hide the genuine smile that was eager to escape from his lips.

<<Oh, come on, it won't hurt you.>>

<<Well, maybe not me, but I'm not so sure about you. And anyway, I gather the purpose of the night is to drink to forget and...?>>

<<And whatever there is in between, I suppose.>>

<<What would that be?>>

<<I'll figure it out along the way.>>

<<Do you want to fuck the bartender?>>

<<Good Lord, Remus.>>

He simply shrugged nonchalantly. He was the first to know that he had exceeded his privileges in terms of being candid, but he hoped that his way of doing things would bring some sense back to Dorcas' head. The red-haired girl approached them before placing the shots in front of them and leaving them with a heartfelt wink before moving on to the next customer.

<<You're not a one-night stand kind of person, yet you seem to be chasing this thing as if it actually makes sense.>> Remus remarked.

<<I never said I wanted to hook up with the bartender.>>

<<I'm not talking about the bartender. You're hurting yourself.>>

The girl's pitch black eyes stared at the two shots on the marble surface with a lost expression and furrowed eyebrows. Remus made a silly statement, and she picked up one of the glass shot glasses from the table and downed it in one gulp.

<<You wouldn't understand anyway.>>

So, Remus simply sighed because there was nothing he could add to that. For him, interpersonal relationships had always been somewhat different from how others perceived them. He didn't believe in fate or destiny, and he didn't believe in feelings running wild. He was convinced that in a situation like this, he would give up everything long before even considering settling down, unlike what Dorcas had done. And for what? For love? Remus didn't even dare to ask because a positive answer would give him a headache.

He had been in his fair share of relationships, some worse than others, but despite that, his experiences didn't make him an expert. But Remus also knew, as reluctant as he was to admit it, that if he wanted to, he could find a romantic side of himself. However, even this side wasn't willing to believe in the fairy tales that Dorcas was telling herself.

<<You're right, I wouldn't understand.>>

He said this with no malice, just a touch of resignation because ultimately, he couldn't do anything else but down one of the two shots in front of him.

From that moment on, neither of them brought up the subject again, and within about twenty minutes, Dorcas had consumed what seemed to her friend an incredible amount of alcohol for the limited time. But after all, he had been the one to suggest going to a pub, because he would have done the same thing, so he wasn't in a position to reproach her. As long as he could keep an eye on her, everything would be fine.

Remus let her do as she pleased even when, with a tipsy laugh, Dorcas declared that she would go to the dance floor and ask if they would play a Lady Gaga song , because he found it unusually amusing and wanted his friend to have fun. However, Mary disagreed with his reasoning, having convinced one of the bartenders to serve her a non-alcoholic cocktail (it had a strange name, but she had personally made sure it only contained fruit and ice, having little trust in the venue's staff). Now, she was staring at Remus as if she wanted to kill him and bury his body while sipping her drink through a straw.

<<Spit it out, come on,>> Remus gestured for her to sit in the chair next to him, and although she was reluctant, she had accepted it - standing around was useless.

<<I don't like this.>>

<<Be a bit more specific - sorry, can I have a beer? Thank you - there aren't many pleasant things about the situation, you know.>>

<<Everything, okay? Starting with the fact that she sought you out for comfort and not me.>>

Mary had always been jealous of her friendships in her own way: not of the people themselves, but of the trust they could place in her. It was something unconscious; she had a hard time realizing it herself. But Remus, on the other hand, burst into laughter at her annoyed expression and the abrupt way she placed her cocktail on the table.

<<Mary, she didn't tell me anything. She just asked for a place to go and some company. I think she just wanted to get away.>>

<<She could have asked me.>>

<<She knows you wouldn't have enjoyed it and would have preferred to talk, whereas she didn't feel like it. I think it's a valid justification.>>

<<Since when are you so impertinent?>>

Another laugh followed the question.

<<Dorcas wouldn't prefer to confide in anyone else but you. You can rest assured.>>

But Mary didn't seem convinced and sipped her drink with almost comical aggression. Remus wisely remained silent: knowing Mary and her sharp tongue, if she needed to talk, she would have done so immediately without waiting for frivolous signals from anyone as her interlocutor.

When Mary spoke again, it was to complain about the smell of the place, the tasteless music, and Remus's poor choice of venue. They glimpsed Dorcas again as she leaned over the dance floor to watch them, pointing to the speakers, boasting about how she had finally convinced whoever was controlling the music to play Lady Gaga. More than happy, she seemed carefree in the most worrying way Mary had ever seen her friend, but Mary just nodded and took another sip of her drink (coconut and pineapple, something like that, horrible for a cocktail in early September but better than nothing. It was the right mix of sweet and sour, and that suited her). A small laugh, despite the concern, escaped her lips as Dorcas, in a completely uncoordinated and highly embarrassing manner, left their line of sight to return to the dance floor, attempting a badly executed moonwalk.

<<Sure, she wasn't kidding when she said she can't dance>> Remus quipped.

<<You're in no position to judge.>>

The two shared a light laugh. <<But you're right; you'd think her Latin genes would have given her a sense of rhythm. Any sense of rhythm. And yet…>>

And so, a few hours passed, seemingly endless for both Mary and Remus, one suffocating in the unwelcome environment, the other too preoccupied to let himself go with the little alcohol he had consumed. They would have much preferred to pay attention to their friend, but, with the crowd of people dancing and more arriving as the hours passed, it was becoming increasingly difficult. But it would’ve been fine; she needed her time to let it out, and everything would have been fine. They would figure out what to do, and she would come to terms with her broken heart. Maybe after that night, Remus would actually make an effort to understand, and perhaps impose some distance between her and that situation. It could only do her good, and Remus had decided that next time he would convince her to go out and let off steam like this from the start, not locked at home, wrapped in blankets. In the meantime, the present self couldn't do much, so he simply talked to Mary, who had dedicated herself to teasing him about one of the bartenders hitting on him. Remus couldn't see it; he thought it was all a figment of his friend's imagination because she needed a fun distraction to avoid thinking too much about Dorcas. She had even resorted to calling the bartender over to them and bombarding him with a series of uncomfortable questions, just for the fun of it. The poor guy had to be new, Remus could read it on his face and in his embarrassed look due to Mary's laughter, so he gave him a sympathetic look, smiled, and tried to silence the girl next to him.

It had been two hours since they last saw Dorcas, and Mary was the first to notice and worry. Remus told her to give her another fifteen minutes, to let her enjoy herself without them hovering over her. He reassured her that he would be the one to take her home around midnight. But Mary had a bad feeling, and that fifteen minutes felt like the longest stretch of time in her life. Dorcas wouldn't just disappear, not from her. She was right; they should have just talked to her, maybe she felt lonely and wanted them to insist more to show that they cared. She knew she was making up non-existent problems because her friend wasn't like that, but she wasn't a great communicator, and not being able to catch even a glimpse of her black locks in the crowd made her particularly nervous. Maybe Remus was right. Maybe she was being petulant. Those weren't Remus's exact words, but the point was the same, right?

But she couldn't help it; it was her way of being, always, noisy and unrestrained, for better or worse, and that also meant anxiety.

<<Remus, I'm telling you I don't see her; we should go check.>>

She knew full well that her friend in front of her was, by principle, a person who carried three times the amount of anxiety she usually did. And she didn't like this role reversal. She thanked the heavens that at least it wasn't because he was too drunk, because managing two people at once in such a situation wasn't within her abilities, she knew.

However, due to Remus's restless nature, it didn't take long for him to become alarmed as well. She could see it in his eyes, but he still tried to remain calm.

<<She'll be around here somewhere; let's check the dance floor. Don't worry.>>

And Mary cursed herself because Dorcas wasn't there. She wasn't dancing, she wasn't sitting, and she wasn't in the bathroom. They scoured the entire venue twice. Remus ran outside, but not even among the small groups of people smoking outside was there any trace of their friend. He was the first to run his hands behind his neck, with a frustrated sigh, wondering what had come over him. And seeing Mary's face so frightened as she joined him outside made his stomach tighten terribly. What an idiot. A person should learn that when they attract misfortune, they can't relax. Because a childish part of Remus was sure that if someone else had let things slide instead of him, nothing would have happened; it was just his natural tendency to cause disasters. "Give her space," he had said, and this was what space brought: losing their friend, probably stumbling drunk in the streets of London. Mary had tried to call her, again and again and again. But no one answered. They tried with Remus's phone, but of course, it went the same way, ringing into the void, receiving no concrete response. What did people have phones for if not to answer calls? Remus thought that maybe he had said the wrong things, and the girl didn't want to hear from either of them, perhaps she had gotten into trouble because they hadn't been careful enough.

To silence his self-destructive thoughts, there were Mary's almost tearful eyes. Remus was sure he wouldn't be able to think if she started crying: he'd blame himself, and he wouldn't act as quickly as the situation required. So he took her by the shoulders and lowered himself to her level.

<<Listen, take a taxi and go home.>>

<<But you'll stay here alone to look for her, that's two pairs of eyes less.>>

<<If she comes home alone, it'll be worse. She might be on her way there, you could meet her halfway or find her there.>>

<<And if she's not at home?>>

<<I'll keep looking for her, okay? But you need to go home; otherwise, it's worse.>>

<<And what if something happened? If she went to a dangerous place, what do I do? What does she do?>>

<<The less you think about it, the sooner we can solve it concretely. Nothing has happened; everything is fine. But I need you to go, I'll take a walk around to figure out where she went.>>

Only then did Mary give in and nod.

<<If she's at home, call me.>>

<<Okay,>> Mary sniffled <<If you find her first, call me.>>

<<Of course.>> He squeezed her shoulders, hoping it would reassure her a little.

<< When I find her, I'll strangle her.>>

Remus couldn't help but smile as Mary leaned out to call a taxi. <<That's the spirit. We'll talk later.>>

╚══════╝

<<Cas, I've been trying to call you since->>

<<Remus, will you come pick me up?>>

<<Remus?>>

<<I'm not feeling well. I'm sorry for leaving, but the music was too loud, and I couldn't think.>>

<<What happened?>>

<<My head hurts, I'm alone, and I feel stupid. And I'm a hypocrite because others leave me alone, and I leave those who keep me company alone. You were right. I'm afraid I'm about to vomit.>>

On the other end of the phone, the sound of someone moving quickly could be heard.

<<Hey, everything’s fine. You just need to tell me where you are, and I'll come pick you up, okay?>>

<<Okay.>>

Once she had the necessary information, it didn't take long for Marlene to leave the apartment, keys to the car in hand. What time was it? Quarter past midnight? They didn't care. They would retrieve Dorcas from whatever hole she had crawled into. Once in the driver's seat, they quickly ran their hands over their face, then through their blonde hair, cursing themself and the girl they were going to pick up for making one of those stupid mistakes they usually made, not Dorcas. It was them who called drunk; it was them who needed to be rescued from bars. Not Dorcas. And Marlene thought it was karma because just the thought of it made them want to vomit.