Chapter 1
James
There was noise, like waves on a seashore. He didn’t remember coming anywhere near the sea.
“Potter!”
As he listened a little longer, it was definitely not the sea. There were voices, he could not pick up what they were saying exactly, a couple of words here and there. Like city traffic. Was he in London? He remembered leaving home this morning though.
“James!”
James cracked his eyes open. It was not city traffic either. He could see a glimpse of his team’s banner wavering slightly in the wind, light rain sprinkling his face, and an overcast sky low and steely. He was on a quidditch pitch. But why was he down here on the grass? He is supposed to be up there.
“Thank Merlin, you’re alive.” Marlene’s face appeared above him.
A moment later she was gone and James was rather aware of sharp pain in his ribcage. And his head. And his shoulder. Marlene reappeared again a minute later. James was about to say something but he suddenly felt very dizzy. It was rather odd considering he was lying on the ground. He closed his eyes hoping it would help.
It did not help.
He heard Sirius’ and Marlene’s voices but couldn’t quite make out what they were saying. Soon they blended into the city traffic noise that wasn’t even city traffic anyway. After a few minutes of the world spinning he gave up gripping on his consciousness.
Next time James opened his eyes there was a commotion around him. His head hurt even more, it took him a minute to remember how he was hit by both bludgers at once and fell from his broom.
“This is not just a foul play, this is a literal crime!”
“Oh really? How so?”
“Murder attempt!”
“Ha! Like you could ever prove it! Accidents happen on the pitch, get over it, Black!”
James wanted to ask them to shut up but he couldn’t find his voice as he was breathing through his nose because he felt like he might be sick.
“Hey,” there was a soft voice and a comforting hand. James knew Lily was near him even before she’d made herself known. He knew the flowery scent, he would forever associate this with Lily. She was one of those people who chose a signature perfume and just stuck with it. He loved it, it was very lovely, but right now it only made him feel more sick. “Hold on for a little longer, yeah? I can’t send you through the floo right now,” she made him drink something, he didn’t protest. “These are painkillers, but very weak ones. I won’t give you anything else, I want you to be conscious for examination at Mungo’s.” James nodded and whispered a “thank you” closing his eyes again.
The doctors at Mungo’s were running in and out of the ward asking him questions, poking him with things, casting charms but doing nothing to make him feel even slightly better.
Finally, after what felt like ages, he was assigned his own ward, he was given proper painkillers and before Lily gave him the last vial she hesitated.
“This is an enhanced version of the dreamless sleep draught,” she said. “It is going to knock you out for a couple of days giving all the other charms and potions a better space to work to prevent any long-lasting damage. But after you wake up you probably would feel just as bad as right now, and I would not recommend taking any additional medication on top of what you are prescribed.”
“Basically you are saying I would still feel as shitty as ever?”
“Basically, yeah.”
James hummed. “Well, give me the potion then,” he downed it in one go and soon enough was asleep without any dreams to wake him up.
The next time James opened his eyes it was dark, he was definitely in bed, there was a smell of potions in the air. He stared at the ceiling for a while as his eyes adjusted to the lighting conditions.
It was not Mungo’s ceiling. It was his flat’s ceiling, and he was in his own bed. James blinked a few times trying to understand why he was there.
Lily was not joking though. James’ head didn’t feel much better. Actually, he felt pretty much the same as he did in the hospital before being given a dozen different potions. It’s like he closed his eyes for a moment and opened them again but in a different place.
He really felt like he would just stay here or relocate to the bathroom floor, but there were loud voices from another room. Through the walls and his headache, he could not tell who the voices belonged to. He stirred trying to muffle the arguing (?) with his pillow, but it didn’t work.
After a few minutes, his irritation grew even more. Because besides the noise his sheets were too warm, and his bed felt uncomfortable no matter to which side he turned, the fabric of his t-shirt made him itchy.
James sighed and got out of his bed. He didn’t even care if he was being robbed. In fact, he would give the burglars whatever the fuck they wanted if they would shut up and get out.
Turned out there were no burglars.
“Excuse me, why are you arguing in here?” he asked as he poked his head through the kitchen door making the Black brothers stop abruptly. “Hi?” he added dumbly, realizing he was being kind of rude.
“Why are you up?” Sirius blinked at him.
“I heard you arguing and…”
“You can’t be up,” James was cut off by Regulus, which startled him. He was the last person James would expect to find here. There was a scraping of a chair and James just stared. Surely this has not been happening, right? Regulus Black would never be in his kitchen inviting him to sit down. “Sit, Potter,” Regulus rolled his eyes. James obeyed without a protest.
“You look like shit, by the way,” Sirius huffed.
“Cheers, mate,” James responded as he shuffled towards the table. He sat in the chair just in time because the world started spinning again. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes again, he was met with a stare from the other side of the table.
“You can’t be up,” Regulus repeated.
Under any other conditions, James would be beyond happy having Regulus in his flat. Not now though.
At the moment he didn’t even care what he looked like, or smelled like for that matter. And it said something about his state if the thought of how he presented himself in front of Regulus was not the first thing that came into his head once he discovered his crush in his kitchen.
“I didn’t know that,” James muttered as Sirius placed a mug with steaming liquid in front of him.
“Now you know. So take that tea back with you to the bed and Sirius will bring you your meds.”
James looked at a few loose leaves in the light-green liquid. Was Regulus always this commanding?
“Excuse me, I’m not trying to be rude or anything, but why are you here,” he looked up at Regulus who blinked back at him once, twice, then he looked at Sirius.
“Sirius, why does Potter not know I’m making his prescriptions for him?”
“When the hell was I supposed to tell him?” Sirius gestured with his hands pacing back and forth. “He was asleep for 2 whole days.”
James looked around the kitchen, his eyes moved to the counter where he noticed a bunch of potion-making supplies and some equipment that definitely was not there before. He wanted to ask what all this meant but didn’t know where to start.
“Why am I home and not at Mungo’s?” he settled on the first question that was in his head when he woke up.
“You were at Mungo’s for a day, but it is not the best place to be right now. It is surrounded by reporters 24/7. The staff is snappy and annoyed that they are in the way of the hospital’s normal functioning. There was an… err accident at the sweets factory,” Sirius tried to explain.
“What does it have to do with me?”
“Well, a spell went out of control, triggered other spells and a bunch of people got injured. And only a small fraction of them were physically injured, like you. So, yeah. The magical injuries were prioritized, because those are hard to treat at home for the most part, so you’re here,” Sirius sighed. “They asked if there was anyone who could take care of you, and we said yes. There are still some… Complications? Since you must take potions that have to be made right before you take them,” he glanced at Regulus. “But Reggie is here to help.”
James froze with the mug halfway to his mouth. There was no way Regulus would ever agree to this. For all he knew Regulus hated him. Though maybe he agreed so he could poison James, who knows?
He quickly glanced at Regulus “I can do it myself…”
“Don’t be stupid,” Sirius huffed. “Those are advanced potions and you’re in no shape to do anything like that right now, look at you! You barely got to the kitchen.”
“I’m fine,” James said. It was a blatant lie, but it was his auto-response and he could not help saying it.
Sirius just rolled his eyes, because he was used to it. Regulus looked scandalized though.
“Potter, you’re as far from “fine” as…”
“And there are also healing charms that must be performed on you,” Sirius interrupted him. “It is unlikely you can do it yourself and you don’t want me to do it. You know that Reggie is a certified healer and if he hadn’t been so snappy and straightforward, he probably would have more clients,” Sirius glared at his brother. “What I’m trying to say is that if it bothers you that he’s helping you as a friend, you can just hire him.”
James wanted to argue that they were far from friends, acquaintances at best. He did not argue though. James nodded. The possibility of experiencing Regulus’ magic was thrilling. But again, Regulus hated him. And James didn’t want to make him any more uncomfortable.
“I assume Lily is busy at Mungo’s?”
“Your assumption is correct,” Sirius nodded.
“And you?”
“As I said, I’m useless for this,” Sirius paused. “Just like Peter, or Remus, or, Merlin forbid, Marlene,” Sirius cocked his head. “You don’t want Reggie to help?”
“I don’t want to be an inconvenience. Nor do I want to make Regulus even more uncomfortable,” James glanced at Regulus who sat very still in his chair, arms crossed on his chest. “Thank you, this really means a lot. But I’ll do it myself.”
“Good luck with that,” Regulus got up and walked out of the room. A few seconds later the floo roared.
“For fuck’s sake!” Sirius threw his hands in the air. “Why did you have to say that?”
“As I said: I don’t want to make him uncomfortable.”
“But you don’t! He was willing to help, I asked him, and he said yes.”
“Sirius,” James sighed. “I’ll do it myself, I’m not helpless. I’m not bad at making potions and you know it. And Lily can help when she is not busy. If it won’t work, I can ask my dad to come stay here with me until I’m off the meds. Or…” James trailed off. “Actually, I can just go stay with my parents.”
“Or you could just accept Regulus’ help.”
“Sirius, he hates me!” James was getting frustrated. “He doesn’t want to do it! Not even if I paid him. You know he doesn’t need the money anyway. Why would I force him?”
“He doesn’t mind, I promise.”
“Sirius, he hates me! Like really hates me.”
“No, he doesn’t.”
“Yes, he does.”
“No, he doesn’t?”
“He explicitly told me so. Many times.”
“Yeah, in school.”
“Not only in school.”
“When was the last time he told you he hated you?”
“Last week. Considering I see him like once a month at best, that is rather recent.”
“What?”
“Sirius, I can stay at my parents’ house for a week. It is not like I have anywhere to be anyway.”
“Wait, hold up, Regulus said he hated you? Last week? Are you sure you didn’t misinterpret it?”
“He said, “I hate you, Potter” it would be hard to misinterpret even if I tried.”
“But…”
“No buts. I want to be back on the pitch as soon as possible,” James softened his voice. “And I would like to attend your engagement party. If you actually propose this time.”
Sirius looked at him unblinking “Are you sure about that?”
“Yes, I’m sure.”
“Okay, tomorrow morning?”
“Now.”
“Now?”
“Yes. I’ll call my mom in a minute.”
“James,” Sirius sighed. “I really think you should stay.”
“It is only a week or two.”
“Yeah. Sure. But you really need to take your meds first. There’s precise timing. And…”
“I’ll take the potions, call my mom, and then pack up my things.”
“Yeah, sure. I’ll go check on Reggie, though.”
“Yeah, go on.”
Sirius looked at James with an odd expression and left without another word.
What James didn’t tell Sirius was how bad he actually felt. Only after Sirius left he stumbled towards the counter trying to find the list of what the hell he needed to make. Because his head hurt, his vision was in black dots, and he felt he could pass out at any given moment.
James didn’t know why people assumed he was bad at potions. He grew up in his father’s lab, he made things explode, he dropped vials with the ingredients, and messed up so many perfectly fine potions that his father made sure James knew how to fix things. As a result, he was taught the basics of potion-making before he even went to Hogwarts. He also wanted to make his father proud. He would get top marks in potions just for that.
He was skilled enough to make some meds, but at the moment he was not healthy enough for it. He made 2 out of 4. The rest he could not make because his hands were shaking and he felt very hot. James went to the bathroom and splashed some cold water on his face, it was not enough to cool him down so he wet his hair and hissed as cold water ran down his spine. That was when his legs gave out and he slit down to the floor.
James sat there on cold tiles for who knows how long trying to hype himself up to get his shit together and go make the 2 remaining potions, then pack something up and head to his parents.
Then he heard the voice.
“James?”
Regulus
“Regulus Arcturus Black!”
Regulus needed to ban his brother from this house.
“Sirius, if you came here to…”
“I came here to kick your ass, you prick. Why the fuck did you tell James you hate him?”
“What? When?”
“Saturday when you were at mine.”
“I don’t remember,” Regulus lied. He did remember just fine. He would remember this for a very, very long time too. He didn’t mean to tell James he hated him, it was a moment of panic. James bumped into him as Regulus was carrying a pile of plates to the table. So he placed his hands on top of Regulus’ just so he wouldn’t drop the freaking plates. That was when Regulus said he hated him. Because he was trapped in a narrow halfway with a blush rapidly spreading on his cheeks James’ hands and eyes on his. He needed to do something or James would realize how flustered he was.
So he told him he hated him and to stay out of his way and something else, that part he actually couldn’t quite remember.
“What are you doing here? I let you ccess for emergencies only,” he huffed instead of telling Sirius this embarrassing story.
“This is an emergency!”
“It is literally not.”
“It fucking is. He thinks you hate him!”
“No, he doesn’t.” Regulus rolled his eyes.
“Regulus! He thinks you hate him!”
“He doesn’t think I hate him,” Could he though? Regulus was rather sure he couldn’t.
“What made you think so?”
“He laughed it off.”
“You are a goddamn idiot,” Sirius dragged his hands across his face.
“I don’t want to be insulted in my own house. Leave.”
“Leave he says” Sirius mocked. “Regulus,” he grabbed his brother’s shoulders and looked him in the eyes. “James thinks you hate him. Loathe him. Despise him. Like in a sense that you want nothing to do with him. Was it the first time you told him that?”
Regulus shook his head. Because it was not the first time. It was a rather regular occurrence, to be honest.
“Let me guess. You told him that before the dinner, that’s why he sat not in his usual spot?”
“He has a usual spot?” Regulus furrowed his brows. He was not a rare guest at every event where James was involved, so he didn’t know that.
“Yeah. Right next to the plant you keep insulting every time you’re in our apartment.”
Regulus thought back to the evening a week ago when he sat right by that goddamn plant, thinking how James waited for him to take a seat to claim his own. Which turned out to be the farthest from Regulus. Thinking about it, it was so like James actually, to make sure everyone is comfortable, Regulus is comfortable.
Up until this moment Regulus never considered James taking his I hate you’s seriously because he came back every time trying to make a small talk, to say hi, to wave, to smile or at least to nod, acknowledging him in any way. But maybe he was just polite. It hit him like a truck.
“But I don’t hate him,” was all Regulus managed to say.
“I know you don’t. He doesn’t know it. Why did you even say it then?”
“I panicked!” Sirius waited for him to elaborate. “He kind of placed his hands on mine helping me not to drop the stupid plates. And he was so close I could smell his shampoo. Do you know how good it smells?”
“Ew.”
“Sirius, what do I do?”
“I don’t know,” Sirius sighed. “He likes you. A lot. But you managed to convince him it is hopeless.”
“You don’t know that. He didn’t tell you that, did he?”
“No, but I know him. And I know what he looks like when he fancies someone.”
Regulus was very skeptical about that.
“Regulus, he looks at you like you’re the only person in a room. Sometimes he has this disgusting blush that suggests he thinks about things I don’t want to know of, he puts your comfort over his own. I can go on with the list. My point is you need to do something about it.”
“For starters, he puts everyone’s comfort over his own,” Regulus glared at Sirius.
“Well yeah, but yours especially.”
“I’ll come help him with potions,” Regulus blinked.
“You won’t,” Sirius said. He sounded apologetic. “He is packing to go to his parents' house, maybe he has already left.”
Regulus panicked even more. “No, he can’t go, I can help!”
“Should I go try to stop him if he’s still home?” Sirius said already moving towards the door.
“I’ll go, may I?”
Sirius sighed. “Yeah, Go to mine and floo from there.”
When Regulus stepped out of the floo in James’ flat it was quiet. He really hoped to get there in time. Now he realized that this was a stupid rushed decision, but he didn’t want James to think he hated him, because he didn’t.
“James!” he called.
There was silence. Regulus sighed. He was late.
He thought if it was too creepy that he was in James’ flat alone, they were not even friends. He probably should leave.
But then there was a sound from the half-open door to what Regulus assumed was James’ bedroom. After a second’s hesitation, he pushed the door open.
“James?”
The room was dark, and a little bit messy too. The door to the bathroom was cracked open a ray of light was a giveaway that James was definitely there.
“James?” Regulus almost whispered as he pushed the door. James was on the floor next to the bathtub. Water was dripping from his hair his shirt was wet too, he was not wearing his glasses. He squinted at Regulus.
“Sirius? Could you please wait in the living room, I’ll come out in a minute,” he rasped.
“For fucks sake,” Regulus muttered. He crouched next to James. ‘Why didn’t you say anything?”
James blinked. “Regulus?”
“Yes,” Regulus touched James’ forehead with the back of his palm. “How long were you feverish?”
“Can you please leave me? I don’t…”
“Oh shut up,” Regulus was annoyed now. Who does this? Why didn’t he just say he felt this ill?
Regulus hoisted James up and led him towards the bed.
“Okay, now answer the questions,” he got a little distracted as James swallowed thickly, his Adam’s apple bobbling. “Did you feel ill since you woke up?”
“Yes?”
“What exactly? Looks like you have a fever, what else?”
“Headache, nausea, dizziness, and my muscles hurt,” James said.
“Okay. Did you take your potions?”
James didn’t respond right away.
“James? Did you take your potions or not?” Regulus glanced at the clock on the bedside table. James was supposed to take the medication hours ago.
“Uh, not all of them.”
“Okay, can you tell me which ones you took?”
“Yeah,” James was about to get up when Regulus lightly pushed him back on the pillows.
“Where do you think you‘re going?”
“Kitchen,” James blinked. “The list is on the counter, I think.”
“Stay here,” Regulus went to the kitchen to grab the list of potions. It took him a few seconds longer to steady his breath before coming back in. James pointed out the potions he used earlier.
“Regulus,” he still was not wearing his glasses, Regulus thought that he liked to see the color of his eyes so clearly. “I don’t want to be rude, but why are you here?”
“Oh,” Regulus blinked. “I wanted to apologize. Give me 10 minutes to brew this, and I’ll be back.” He casted a quik spell to dry James' shirt and left the room swiftly unable to take James looking at him like this any longer.
Regulus was not sure if James' tender gaze was because he found James almost unconscious on the bathroom floor and he was grateful, or because Sirius was right and James did have a soft spot for him.
Once James took his potions and was tucked in his bed Regulus dared to sit down on the age of the matress.
“Thank you,” James smiled at him. “I really appreciate it. I’m sorry that you had to do it. If Sirius blackmailed you…”
“He did not,” Regulus just needed to ask. But just asking never came easy to him. “But he said something, I want to know if it’s true,” Regulus bit his lip. “He said you think I hate you,” he glanced at James to see how he reacted.
“Well you told me you do,” James shrugged. “What else am I supposed to think?”
“I don’t hate you,”
“You don’t?”
“No.”
“Oh, thank Merlin,” James sighed. Then he blinked. “Wait,” he stared at Regulus for a minute. “Am I dying?”
“What?”
“That’s why you came here to tell me you don’t hate me? I am dying am I?”
“The fuck is wrong with you?” Regulus scoffed. “No, you’re not dying. It’s just…”
It’s just I don’t know how to tell you I kind of fancy you. Surely Regulus couldn’t say that?
“Hate is a strong word. I don’t want you to think I hate you just because I don’t,” Regulus took the vial from James’ hand. “Also, I don’t mind helping you. I’ve seen your fall. That looked brutal. No one deserves anything like that.”
You scared me to death
James hummed. “Thank you, truly,” he yawned.
“Do you mind if I?..” Regulus gestured to the door, hoping James would understand.
“You don’t mind staying?” James whispered. The room was so quiet, that Regulus was scared his heartbeat would be heard.
“No, I don’t. You’ll be asleep for not more than an hour. Sirius probably will be back soon too.”
“Thank you,” James smiled at him sleepily, his eyes unfocused.
“You’re welcome,” Regulus let himself smile back.