Sirius was in his bedroom.
Not in the Gryffindor dormitory, not at the Potters. Not even in his Azkaban cell.
No, Sirius was in his bedroom, at Grimmaud Place. In his room, where he survived during sixteen years.
When he finally managed to escape, Sirius had thought that he was safe, now, that it was over. But twenty years later, he was back again.
He was sitting on the same bed on wich he used to heal the injuries inflicted by his mother.
The same bed on wich he used to comfort his brother, when he had a nightmare.
But this was before.
Before Sirius was sorted in Gryffindor, before Regulus started ignoring him, before he became a death eater.
Before he died.
Today, on his lap, there was no Regulus' face, wet with tears as Sirius whispered sweet stories to him.
Instead, Sirius was staring at a suitcase, wondering if he should open it.
After days, he finally convinced Remus to come live with him, like before. They couldn't use their own flat, for safety reasons, but as long as Sirius was with Moony, he didn't care.
He brushed the suitcase with his hand, touching the three letters carved on a side.
R.J.L.
Eventually, he opened the suitcase's latches with a discreet click.
Inside, nothing extraordinary : a ton of jumpers and pants, some jackets...
However, something caught Sirius' attention. In a hidden compartment there was... well, something.
Delicately, he grabbed the object –a small case.
It was black as ink, with a white moon and star on the top. Sirius opened it carefully. His eyes widened when he saw the beautiful silver ring inside.
“Sirius ? What are you doing ?!” Remus asked suddenly.
Sirius jumped. He hadn't heard Moony enter. The man was in the door frame, arms crossed on his chest. He didn't look angry, just surprised.
Sirius stood up. “I was just... Nevermind, what's that ?!” He asked, taking the ring out of its case.
Remus' eyes widened. “Where did you find this ?”
“Answer my question please.” Sirius replied.
Moony's shoulders slumped. “It's from the first war. I... I wanted to ask you.”
“Ask... Me ?”
Remus shut the door and came closer, so close that Sirius could see the tears in his eyes as he said, “Yeah... I was going to. Lily helped me pick out the ring. We spent a whole day in the shop because I couldn't find something good enough.” He let out a small laugh.
Sirius swallowed the lump in his throat. “Did he know ?”
He.
Even after fifteen years, Sirius couldn't pronounce his name without breaking down.
A sad smile appeared on Moony's face. “He was so exited...He almost fainted when I told him.”
Sirius felt a tear rolling down his cheek. He didn't wipe it. “Why did you keep it ?”
Gently, Remus took Sirius' hands. Sirius had always loved how Moony held his hands, as if it was something precious. His palms were warm, just like they were twenty years ago.
“Sirius... I love you. I don't want to live without you a second time. It would kill me to lose you again. I want to be with you.” Remus' voice broke.
After a moment, Sirius said, “I want to be with you too. I want to find a house where we could live together with Harry. I want to see Alice and Frank, I want to find Mary. We could find her. When it's all over. And we could all be happy like before.”
Sirius knew it was impossible, but he didn't care. He just wanted to be with his Moony, to love again. He died at 21. Since, he has forgotten how to live.
Remus cleared his throat. “Find Mary... Yeah.” He said, absentmindly. “You know, after that night, not a day went by that I didn't regret not asking you. I was going to do it. I wanted to find the right moment, to make it perfect. But now... Now I know there won't be a right time, and I don't want to regret again, so...”
Still holding Sirius' hand, Remus knelt down.
“Moony...” Sirius started.
He couldn't stop staring at Remus' eyes.
Warm brown, he coul drown in them. He wanted to drown in them.
“Sirius...” Remus whispered. He cleared his throat before continuing, “Sirius, will you marry me ?”
Merlin, Sirius thought. Merlin, he wants to marry me.
A smile appeared on his face.
Yes ! He wanted to scream. Yes, I love you, I missed you, Moony... He wanted to laugh, to jump everywhere in the room, to hug Remus, to kiss him, to...
He didn't have the time.
Someone knocked hastily on the door. Moony turned around and Sirius saw Tonks, eyes wide with fear.
“Harry and the others are in the Ministry ! It was a trap !”
Sirius stiffened. “What ?!”
But Tonks was already gone.
“We've to go.” Remus said –how could he be so calm ?! “Take my hand.”
Without a word, Sirius put his hand on Moony's. He looked a last time at those warm eyes.
“I love you.” He whispered.
They disappeared.
* * *
If you were at 12 Grimmaud Place on June 18, 1996, you would have seen an empty house. You would have seen a lifeless dwelling. No portraits on the walls, no couch in the living room.
But if you had gone upstairs and opened the third door on the left, you would have seen a bedroom. A bedroom decored with Gryffindor banners and quidditch posters.
And if you had entered that room and looked under the bed, you would have seen two things.
You would have seen a letter, yellowed by time, hidden in the shadows, as if it wasn't mean to be found. The ink was almost wiped out, but you could have decipher the words "Dear brother" on it.
The second thing was a ring. A silver ring. It wasn't hidden like the letter. As if someone dropped it there, like a broken promise.
Like a regret.