What do Marauders do when little silver eyes stare at them from under a pile of clothes? They hold back laughter, of course they do.
"Mr. Professor! Something went wrong!" Marauders exclaimed with amusement in their voices.
The little boy watched them uncertainly with furrowed brows.
"What's happened boys?" Horace Slughorn asks before noticing that Sirius Black isn't here, or rather that he is but a much smaller "Oh, I see" he looks at the little boy "take him to Pomfery" he asks "sometimes it happens when the rat egg is immature, it's temporary, 24 hours and it will pass but it's better to check if everything is good" he explains to them.
"Sure, we will" Remus nods.
"So what? Will he be small for one day?" Peter frowns.
"He's not small, he's rejuvenated, which means he not only looks seven years old, but that's how old he is. He only has memories of when he was little" Professor explains.
"Oh" James blinked.
That's not good. Was Sirius safe when he was seven? Was he happy then? All this hatred for him in the Black family started very early, but how early? Was it already when he was this small and defenseless?
"Infirmary" proffesor reminds them. They nod their heads "stay still" he turns to Sirius and pulls out his wand, the boy's eyes widen.
There are too many people here to the man to try to hurt him right? Right?
Is it because he broke the potion? He didn't do it on purpose, he'll apologize, he'll fix it...
Stressed, he swallows and looks down at the floor, the man casts a spell Sirius squeezes his eyes shut waiting for the pain but it doesn't come, his clothes shrink and fit him again.
Sirius straightens up and brushes invisible dust from his clothes, looks expectantly at the tallest boy because the one who promised to take him to the Infirmary, he didn't know why, maybe his parents were waiting there?
Has he got lost? Oh no... if he's lost, he'll be punished. Sirius shivered.
He was scared, he was so scared but he refused to cry. He's big boy now, boys don't cry.
These people seemed pretty nice. Maybe they could tell Mom he did well, and Mom wouldn't be angry?
"Come on" The boy with the gold glasses crouches in front of him and holds out his hands to him, it's not a sudden movement but Sirius still pulls away.
Ah, so it was going on even then. How sick it was. This little boy was 4 feet tall, petite and sweet, vulnerable and just in need of care and love. James wanted to cry. Why couldn't Sirius have it?
"Would you rather be taken piggyback?" asks the other boy with freckles.
"No thank you very much, gentlemen, I can walk" he speaks for the first time and his voice is composed, confident.
He doesn't understand why they look like they're about to burst out laughing.
"Okay Sirius, but that's a long way" the scarred boy warns him, something oddly soothing in his gaze "Come on" he smiles softly at him and sticks out his hand and makes a strange gesture with it, as if he's offering his hand for Sirius to take it, what nonsense, Sirius frowns.
Of course Sirius doesn't take his hand, that's unacceptable, but he walks half a step behind him, he can't go straight with him, it's not right, that would be rude. He's much younger he needs to schow him respect. Two more guys follow them, the one with freckles and the one with glasses.
"Have you ever heard him be so quiet for so long?" those two are talking to each other, are they talking about Sirius? And why are they whispering to each other, it's rude.
"No dude, his record is five minutes" Peter responds, he frowns and watches the little boy in front of him who walks like a prince, his back straight, head held high, hands clasped behind his back. "But thats weird, I really got used to his voice" the blond one murmurs.
"Don't you think he's too quiet?" Remus turns to the rest of his friends, they nodded their heads in agreement "hey buddy, you're scared?" he decides to ask, crouches down next to the boy and looks into his eyes, Sirius panics a little. Is he going to hurt him?
"He doesn't even know us" Peter points out "I'm Peter" he introduces himself.
"I'm James" James followed his example.
"And I'm Remus" finishes the boy crouching next to him.
They gave him their names but they didn't give him their last names so how was Sirius supposed to address them?
He had a feeling these boys weren't the brightest, but he shouldn't say things like that, they were older and stronger and they might hurt him.
"It's a pleasure to meet you gentlemen, my name is Sirius Orion Black the third" the little boy bows low to them, showing them his respect.
The three of them exchange some strange glances.
Finally they reach the infirmary, the rest of the way passed in silence, a boy with freckles opens the door for him, for which Sirius thanks him kindly.
"Poppy!" Shouted the tallest of them, Sirius winced at the loud sound but quickly regained his neutral expression.
He was not allowed to show fear.
"A little potions accident" Peter smiles awkwardly at her as soon as she came to them.
"Our poor Sirius has gotten smaller" James points at the boy, doesn't he know pointing is rude?
"Oh poor boy, sit on the bed, we'll examine you in a moment" she points towards the closest bed, they are large and probably exceed the capabilities of a seven-year-old but Sirius will manage, he tries to climb up, he fails then tries again.
"Do you need help?" James asks, stopping Remus who wanted to pick him up. James wasn't sure how Sirius would react to the foreign touch, he preferred not to risk the little boy's panic.
Little Sirius might think that someone wanted to attack or hurt him, James had heard a lot about his childhood and thought a lot about his reactions in the short time they had already spent together with Sirius little self.
"No thank you sir, I'll be fine" Sirius reassures him, clenches his teeth and climb himself onto the bed again, this time with better effect but still not perfect, he falls down, sits on the ground clenching his hands into fists, he's angry.
"I'll just help him" Peter sighs walking over, Remus tugging at his shirt already realizing why James stopped him.
Sirius stands up, takes a deep breath and tried again. He doesn't give up easily, he's Black after all.
"Your beds are not adapted to my childish abilities" Sirius is facing Madame Pomfery now.
"Oh" she chuckled "Remus please make the bed smaller for our friend" she smiles at the tall boy, Remus grants her wishes, Sirius thanked him.
"If I may ask" Sirius begins, he looks at the older woman "why will you examine me, ma'am?" he looks at her confused.
"You had a little potions accident dear" she smiles at that small boy "you're at hogwarts" Sirius nodded, even if he didn't understand, He is in school of mgaic? What's he doing here? "these gentlemen here are your friends" she points to the three of them, the one with freckles, glasses and scars, he frowns, did he make friends? Someone liked him? Was she sure? "you're seventeen but now... seven" she explains "Don't worry just live your life, in 24 hours everything should be back to normal" she assures.
"Thank you ma'am" Sirius smiled politely at her.
"Have you notified Professor McGonagall yet?" Poppy looks at these older boys.
"I'm sure Slughorn did" Peter shrugs.
Literally at that moment, Minerva walks through the door.
"Where's Sirius?" she asks, the boys point to the bed, Sirius looks up hearing his name "are you alright my boy?" she asks, looking worried, Sirius blinks, this is impossible, she can't be worried, adults neved are, and who is she anyway? Why does she know him?
She crouches down beside him as if she wants to hug him but that's impossible, she just can't want to hug him, so... does she want to hit him? Sirius pulls away, panicked. He fell for it too often.
"We haven't checked everything yet" Poppy says drawing her attention, Minerva moves away from the boy, noticing how tense he had become. Right. He didn't know her.
Poppy reaches for her wand from behind her apron she did it to diagnose the little boy.
"I'm so sorry!" Sirius throws his hands up in surrender "I'm sorry for the potions accident and for complaining about your beds, for being nosy, and for not answering the questions" he says hastily, panic in his eyes, his body trembling "I'll be good, I'll be good, I promise" he begs on the verge of crying, cough immediately "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound pathetic, I won't, I won't cry, don't punish me please" he blinks rapidly, his eyes fixed on the floor. She seemed so nice to him, or was that just another trick?
"Sirius, I just wanted to do a diagnosis spell, it has nothing to do with punishing you" Poppy promises him, trying not to show how much the boy's reaction hurt her.
Sirius doesn't look up, all eyes are on him and more than half the people in the room have tears in their eyes, he doesn't like it, this attention on him. What if he makes another mistake right now? Which of them will be the first to punish him?
"Let's take a deep breath together and then I'll cast a spell okay? It will check if all your parameters are normal, if it turns out that they are, you will be free" the nurse explains to him "I should warn you, I'm sorry" she smiles apologetically.
Sirius is still staring at the floor, not looking up, embarrassed by his reaction. Maybe she really didn't want to hurt him. He clenched his fists tightly, digging his nails into the palms of his hands so hard that they were starting to bleed.
He did it often and mom always screamed that he was destroying his body, that he was becoming ugly but he couldn't stop it. When the emotions were too heavy and he didn't have the space to express them, he would dig his nails into his palms and scratch them until they bled, it allowed him to take a moment to clear his mind.
"Show it to me," Poppy says. Sirius looks at her panicked, he shouldn't have done it, he shouldn't have hurt himself, it's not his job, he should, he should- and now she's angry, she's angry at him and she's going to punish him and- "Sirius, listen to me, okay? I'm not mad at you, I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to see your hand" she says sounding pleading.
Sirius breaths are so short and shallow that he thinks he might fall over. He clutches his arm to his chest, wincing at the pain that flares through it, and somehow manages to say, "You said you weren't mad at me." And he should be grateful that nobody is calling his parents, but he can picture Pomfery fingers wrapping around his wrist and bending it until it breaks, and the mental image makes him feel so sick that he thinks he might throw up. "You said you weren't mad. You said..."
Poppy's eyebrows furrow. "I'm not mad, Sirius," she promises "I just want to see your hand, alright?"
And she sounds so insistent about it that Sirius knows that he doesn't even have a choice. Maybe he had a choice before, but he must've done something to ruin it. He doesn't deserve to have a choice. The only thing he can do is listen, and he can't even do that properly.
He inches forward and holds out his arm, eyes going wide at the red lines raked into his skin. He watches at Poppy who gently takes his wrist, inspecting the damage that Sirius has done to himself.
Her grip is so loose that Sirius could yank out of it if he wanted to, but he knows that that's what she wants him to think. It's a trap, and if he tries to escape his punishment, everything will hurt even more.
"You're shaking" Poppy frowns "Hmm, maybe you'd rather we stayed alone?" she asks him and Sirius nods "boys get out, okay?" Marauders want to deny when the door bursts open.
Regulus Black himself enters, his face neutral, indifferent. He is calm and stoic as always.
"You don't send him home" he says, and that's not a request, that's a statement, his voice is cold.
"You know that's the procedure" Poppy looks at him with a raised eyebrow. It's weird to see a young Black next to an older Black, especially this year, so she's surprised that Regulus came here because he's worried about Sirius.
"He's defenseless, you won't do that to him" Regulus shakes his head, something dangerous in his eyes "it's only 24 hours, and it's weekend anyway, you can't send him there" his teeth are clenched, he won't let that happen, he can't sue for that, they can't send little Sirius to Grimuald Place 12, he didn't run away on holidays just to be forced back there now "I can take care of him if there are any problems with him I'll take it on myself" he informs and it's weird, it's weird because the Black brothers haven't talked to each other, stubbornly ignoring each other since the beginning of this year. Plus, it's weird to see Regulus worried.
"Okay, Regulus" Minerva nodded, agreeing, of course she wouldn't let Sirius go back there, she was sure his friends would take care of him properly and if not she could pass the role on.
"Regulus" Sirius's eyes lift when he hears the name, but he can't locate the person it belongs to. Where's his little brother?
"Here, ma lumière" Regulus smiles softly at the little boy.
Sirius watches him carefully for a second, looking for something familiar in him, he seems to find it, because he jumps off the bed and runs to him, sinks into his legs and wraps his small arms around him, he crashed into him with such force that Regulus staggered. Sirius snuggles into him and buries his face in his thighs, shivering, finally feeling safe.
Regulus didn't deal with small children often, in fact never, but now, as if instinctively, he put his hand on the little boy's head and ran his hand through his black curls.
"I'm sorry" Sirius whispers and pulls away from him, rubbing his eyes, which, though watery, still haven't let out a single tear.
"Hey, don't be sorry" Regulus hugs him "you can cry it's okay, you don't have to be strong now, it's okay" he reassures the boy, rubbing his back up and down in a, he hoped, reassuring gesture "Up?" he suggested, and Sirius immediately put his hands up, waiting for Regulus to pick him up "you're okay?" Regulus lifts the boy's chin, it's strange to see Regulus's tender side, it's strange to see he still has it for Sirius. Especially when they saw their arguments and sharp conversation and a fight not so long ago.
They were all sure they hated each other.
"Yhym" boy mumbles.
"No" Regulus shakes his head "are you okay Sirius?" He repeated.
"Scared" the little boy clenched his fists on his brother's shirt. It hurts, his body hurts and his still unhealed hand leaves blood on Regulus' shirt.
"Okay" Regulus kissed the top of his head "I'll help you, in a moment everything will be fine" he promises his brother quietly.
He sat on the bed holding Sirius, who clung to him tightly and wouldn't let go. Pomfery examined him.
"Everything seems to indicate that you are healthy." Poppy smiles slightly "one more question" because maybe she missed something, after all, she didn't often deal with small children "Are you feeling alright?"
Sirius stares at her, wondering if it's a trick question, if he'll get in trouble no matter what answer he gives.
If it's a trick question, he needs to figure out which answer will get him into the least trouble, because his body hurts and his head hurts and his stomach hurts and he doesn't know how many more things can hurt before he starts to cry, and wouldn't that be embarrassing, crying? Boys don't cry. Blacks don't cry.
"I'm fine" he promised her, hoping she wouldn't know when he was lying and wouldn't discover his lie and punish him for it.
And the brothers were ready to leave.
"Mr. Black, should I give you a leave of absence for the rest of the day?" Minerva stops Regulus.
"It would be nice" he nods gratefully.
"Yes, yes, boys you too" Minerva sighs seeing the faces of the rest of the marauders.
Regulus takes the boy with him and manages to calm him down a bit before his loud friends attack them, Regulus shoots them an angry glare because their questions aren't helping at the moment, they're stressing out Sirius.
"Hey, hey, calm down, it's okay" Regulus soothes him "they are" it won't go through his throat that they're good, great or whatever, he won't say that about Gryffindors no chance, he won't even do it for a child "they are your friends, that means you liked them for something, right?" he says instead "They won't hurt you, I promise" Sirius watches him carefully, looks down at the ground and shrugs "give me your wands" Regulus holds out his hand expectantly.
"You're kidding" Remus snorts.
"What for? So you can hex us?" Peter joins.
James was the only one to obey and looked at his friends confused.
"He's trying to create a safe space for Sirius, can you cooperate?" he asked with a pleading smile.
"I will just teleport them to our dormitory, what about that? I don't trust him" Peter says narrowing his eyes at younger Slytherin.
"Fair enough" Regulus shrugs.
For a while they just try to convince Sirius, it doesn't help much, the boy is too scared.
"Maybe I'll just take him to my dorm?" Regulus sighs as he corrects the boy in his arms, his hands are already sore.
"So that literally every Slytherin would jump on him?" Remus raises an eyebrow.
"Got a better plan?" Regulus stares at him stubbornly.
"Of course" Remus huffs "we can take him, don't you want to take him to his room for his stuff? Won't that calm him down? It's quiet there."
"And I'll have to show up in Gryffindor?" Regulus snorted "No chance" he snorts.
Sirius hides behind his legs, wanting to disappear. He feels horrible. It's bad enough that Regulus had to carry him.
And now his brother and this boys are arguing over him.
Sirius wants to be with his parents again because at least then he knew what people wanted from him. At least he knew what it was that he had to apologize for.
And now? Now he knows nothing.
"So what are you proposing?" Remus asks, he has the most conversations with Regulus, it's like fighting for a baby during a divorce because Remus wants to keep Sirius with them, he knows he'll be safe with them, he doesn't trust the rest of the Slytherins because he trusts Regulus, at least a bit. Regulus, on the other hand, can't let go of Sirius, not when he's so clingy to him on the verge of tears.
"James" Regulus turns to him "why don't you lend me your cloak, huh? I'll take Sirius with me and no one will notice" the rest of the boys blink at him blankly "what?" he raises an eyebrow "you thought it was some kind of secret?" James nods, that's exactly what he thought "it's pretty obvious you have an invisibility cloak in your possession when you pay a little attention"
"So you're paying attention to me Baby black?" James grins at him.
"Enough" Regulus rolls his eyes "so?"
"What about Crouch and Rosier?" Remus continues.
"What about them?" Regulus frowns, what not to say, he liked his friends, he cared about them and would not allow anyone to offend them. "It's not like they're in the habit of fighting with children" he snorts "they know better than to ignore my words and I will tell them for sure that they have no right to come near him" he informs and there is something convincing about it.
Sirius feels sick.
Oh no.
Oh no.
Oh no.
Sirius covers his mouth with his hands in a panic, trying to stop himself from vomiting.
He can't cope with this task, he gags trembling crying and spreading his hands. He sobs without lifting his head. He stares at the floor, his palms are sticky, his mouth is dirty but he won't spit on the floor, he's already made a big mess.
Regulus won't punish him, will he? Although... his brother was already big, what if everyone grows up to be angry? He continues to sob in panic.
Regulus crouched beside him.
"I'm sorry," Sirius whispers, and his heart wrenches painfully in his chest. "I didn't mean to make you mad. Please don't - please don't hate me. I'm sorry."
Regulus blinked painfully.
"I would never hate you" he promises and it's sincere. He would never do that, even today in a world where they don't talk anymore he couldn't bring himself to hate Sirius. "I need you to talk to me, okay? I'm not mad at you, and you won't get in trouble. Just tell me what's going on."
"I don't know," Sirius says. He suddenly feels very, very tired, like he could sleep for years and never wake up. Like he could sleep for forever, and he wouldn't mind it at all. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm sorry."
"You don't have to apologize," Regulus assures. "Nobody is mad at you." he promised as the others boys tidied up the mess and Regulus wiped Sirius's little hands with a damp cloth.
"I'm mad at me," Sirius admits.
"Oh ma lumière" Regulus sighed "do you feel bad about us arguing?" He guesses, getting a little nod from Sirius.
"You're really not mad? You won't hurt me?" Sirius makes sure asking quietly.
"I won't" Regulus promisses "Merlin, Lupin stop staring at me like I'm about to hit him, I won't hurt your precious boy," he snorted sending him a brief annoyed look.
"He just insinuated that you would," Remus pointed out.
"Because every adult he knows would" Regulus hissed.
"You said you weren't mad" Sirius tugged on his brother's shirt.
"I am not" he soothes "I'm sorry" he whispers "I'll take him to my room to rest for a while," he informs. Sirius is rubbing his eyes as he staggers to his feet. This kid needs a nap.
"Just don't turn him against us too much" James pleads with a croaked smile handing to Regulus his cloak.
There is something like a smile on Regulus' lips as he turns and walks away with Sirius hidden under an invisibility cloak.
The two brothers enter the Slytherin common room, Regulus's plan is flawless, he's right no one notices them, Regulus's glance is enough to keep them from being approached and harassed.
They quickly disappear into the dormitory.
"I'm going to go inside so if you guys are fucking stop it" Regulus commands loudly before turning the doorknob.
"What are you accusing us of, my dearest friend!" Barty exclaims resentfully, but his being shirtless and Evan's shower-wet hair give Regulus clues enough, so he rolls his eyes.
He climbed onto his bed, lifting behind him the still invisible child who looked like he was lifting air so his friends frowned, Regulus drew the curtains around his bed and finally freed Sirius, the boy looked at him curiously.
Sirius falls asleep exhausted with emotions, Regulus lies with him, his curtains charmed and silenced. Regulus watches the sleeping boy and a smile creeps across his lips, his heart is filled with something warm like fond memories, how when they were telling each other's storys under the blankets, imagination was their greatest toy in thier house not adapted for kids.
"Regulus, I know you're having a great time with yourself there but we have training so get your stupid ass out from under the blanket and come change!" Barty shouted some time later which woke Sirius, Regulus clenched his teeth in anger.
"Shut the fuck up, and don't fucking scream!" he shouted back to him after removing the spell.
"Is he mad?" Sirius whispers.
Regulus would have laughed and said yes, but not now, he smiled at Sirius and assured him that everything was fine.
But shit, training.
He can't miss a training session, he's already missed a previous one.
So he clenches his teeth, hiding his pride in his pocket.
"Ma lumière, you're calmer now, aren't you? Can you handle two hours alone? I'll take you to your friends and they'll take care of you, they'll be good to you, I promise" Regulus tries to persuade him "I'll be around, you'll be able to see me even through the window, okay?"
"Regulus, I know you're not very sane, but stop talking to yourself and get the hell out of here!" Barty says already annoyed.
"Don't yell at him!" he gets an answer that no one expected, it is a small and slightly squeaky voice, it's Sirius, it's a seven-year-old who stands in front of Barty, this big scary man and lifts his chin high as if to challenge him.
It's funny how Sirius, despite being ten years younger, still stood up as an older brother and protector, protecting Regulus. As always.
"Sirius it's okay, he was joking" Regulus places a hand on his brother's shoulder.
Evan and Barty look at Regulus for an explanation.
"Who is this child and what is he doing here?" Barty waves his hand at the kid.
"It's Sirius, didn't you hear?" Evan rolls his eyes "so the Potions accident was true" he muttered to himself.
"What potion accident?" Barty frowns "tell me" he demanded.
"I'll take him to Gryffindor and then I'll come to practice, you can go now" Regulus turns to his friends "I will explain"
:I fucking hope so" Barty huffs.
Regulus takes Sirius to the top floor, calmly explaining what's going to happen next and apologizing, but Sirius understands.
He is big and can take care of himself, he understands perfectly well that adults have better and more important things to do than taking care of him.
Regulus could leave him alone and he would be fine.
Little Sirius really understood and didn't mind. Quiditch practice seemed like fun, but could adults have fun? Were they capable of it? Maybe it was more like work they have to do? Regulus looked like he didn't want to go there so maybe.
Everyone bursts into some crazy happiness at the sight of Sirius, calling and screaming and squealing, gathering around them as if Regulus had brought a cute puppy to a group of preschoolers, it's pathetic. But Sirius doesn't seem to be complaining.
Nevertheless, Remus, James and Peter are the closest and fastest to him. Regulus doesn't want to be here, all the heat burns his skin and the colors hurt his eyes.
"I have training, can I leave him here for two hours? He already agrees" Regulus informs.
"Of course!" James smiles brightly "hello little buddy, we'll do a lot of great things" he promises him, Sirius looks at him curiously. He thinks he probably likes the one with the glasses.
"You have a nice smile, sir" Sirius states politely "Don't you think Reggie?" he turns to his brother seeking his support.
Regulus would love that the earth would swallow him up right now, there's no way he's going to agree with him, but if he doesn't, Sirius will be afraid to stay here, fuck. Regulus will strangle him for this tomorrow.
"Friendly, yes" Regulus finally agrees, something strange clicks in his face, because maybe he really thinks so, but as it happens with him, emotions come hard to him.
"Oh did I just get a compliment from you Reggie?" James grins at him "the best day of my life!" He almost squealed Regulus looks at him with his jaw clenched tight and a look that could speak 'if there wasn't a kid here, I'd kick you in the calf'.
Regulus leaves, assuring Sirius that he will be back for him as soon as possible, the boy agrees, then he was left alone in this room and stands awkwardly among these smiling weirdly adults.
They're nice, but Sirius can't shake the feeling that it's just a trap.
It is strange for marauders to see Sirius so quiet and disciplined, the boy sitting in silence without disturbing anyone, staring out the window.
But could they be surprised? Sirius grew up in a home without love. He grew up in a house that threatened to crack beneath his feet.
Carefully creeping around because if he made a sound, rage would burn it all down. He doesn't know when it started or even why, just that he was a child and his first steps were on eggshells.
The boys took him upstairs to their room and showed him his bed and things, Sirius just wrinkled his nose. Mom always said his clothes should be green and silver, that he should flaunt the pride of Hogwarts house, that he should be like the rest of his family. Colors were not allowed.
"If you don't want to play, maybe you like having someone read to you?" Remus looks at him with a small smile.
"Excuse me sie, but how can someone read for me, you don't have an elf here" Sirius looks around confused.
"Remus can read quite well" James informs.
"And could you read for me?" Sirius asks in delight, a happy gleam in his eyes.
"Of course, I would love to if you like" Remus nodded.
So Remus reads to Sirius for a long moment, he reads and Sirius listens to him fascinated, focused and quiet.
He is afraid to make the slightest noise, he even focuses on his breathing and apologizes when he makes something too loud.
It hurts, looking at this kid. It hurts to see him so deprived.
"You listen to me so well" Remus praises "Do you like these stories? You're a good kid, Sirius" he says, softly in an almost whisper. "Anyone ever tell you that? That you're a good kid?" He frowns at Sirius reaction.
Sirius looks up at him with wide and big eyes, and his eyes begin to water, his chin crumpling.
"Mom always says I need to learn some manners because I do everything wrong. I'm bad kid" he argues.
"Oh, hell..." Remus mumbles. "For what it's worth, I don't think that you're a bad kid." He smiles faintly.
"That's not true," Sirius says, and the part of him that is still thinking rationally wonders. He's enjoyed these last hour and not getting yelled at even when he's being irritating, and he doesn't know why he's trying so hard to ruin it. "Even my dad said it, and if he said it, it's got to be true." Remus clenched his jaw.
Fear freezes Sirius in place, and he thinks, This is it. This is the part where I get what I deserve. He shouldn't have argue with him, he's older, he's wiser. Sirius shouldn't have said that.
But Remus doesn't hit him at all, just looks him in the eye and said "Sirius Black, you are not a bad kid."
"I am," Sirius says, because he is, he was often punished for it, it must be true "I am." He repeated.
"You're not," Remus says, and the insistence should make Sirius feel better but all he feels is scared, and guilty, and a million other things that he doesn't know the names of. "You're the kindest little boy that I have ever met. You always try to be brave about everything, and you're not a bad kid. I know that your parents say that you are, but they're wrong."
"You're lying to me," Sirius shivered.
"I promise you I'm not lying. I know you Sirius, we're friends, I know you."
"I-I-I" Sirius trembles.
Once Sirius had calmed down, they continued reading. Remus wasn't quite sure what to do.
The boy stops suddenly and volunteers to get his temporary guardian attention, just like when you raise your hand in class to ask the teacher something, Remus looks at him surprised.
"Yes? Something happened? You don't have to signal that you want to ask something" he assures him calmly.
"I wanted to ask what time dinner will be" Sirius looks at him uncertainly, he hoped he'd get his dinner, he didn't like being hungry.
"In about an hour" Remus frowns "are you hungry? Do you want a snack?" he asks, do they really not know the rules?
"No thank you" Sirius denies shaking his little head, his stomach growls with hunger and he cringes putting his hands to his stomach trying to silence the sound.
"If you're hungry it's okay to grab a snack" Remus assures him.
"No" Sirius shakes his head.
"So what do you do when you're hungry?" Remus asks, not knowing if he wants to know the answer.
"I ask when the meal will be served and I wait, if I ask too often I have to wait longer" he shrugs.
Remus blinks slowly, disbelieving the boy's words.
"It's okay if you eat something now, I have sweets in the cupboard, would you like to try it?" what kid doesn't like sweets? He opens the drawers.
"Mom won't let me eat candy" Sirius informs seriously.
" Then it's a good thing she's not here" Remus shrugs and gave the boy a chocolate frog.
"Is it a trap?" Sirius looks up uncertainly, he clutches a small white-blue box in his hands. .
"What trap?" Remus looks at him incredulously.
"That if I take it, I won't be able to eat dinner or you'll punish me in some other way" little boy shrugs.
"No, never" Remus shakes his head like if scared, something in his warm gaze said he wasn't lying.
"Okay" Sirius nodded his head and reached for the sweet.
Regulus returns soon after and Sirius quickly falls into his arms.
"Did they treat you well?" Regulus asks, ruffling his hair.
"They were nice" Sirius nodded "a bit too loud but Remus was reading for me" he rocks happily on his heels.
"That's great ma lumière" he smiles "we'll go to dinner in a moment, there will be a lot of people there" he warns "if you want, I'll bring you something to room" he assures.
"I can't" Sirius says.
"Can't eat?" Regulus guesses "Why?"
"Remus give me a snack"
"That's nice of him, isn't it?" Sirius nodded "does that mean you're full?" Regulus asks "You'll be able to have dinner later" he assures him.
"I can do that?" he asks, blinking. it was always "eat now when I tell you or not at all".
"Of course" Regulus nodded, Sirius hugged him "Thanks for looking after him."
"No problem" marauders assures with wide smiles.
They went to lunch and Regulus, watching Sirius, wondered can grace be inherited? The seven years old pulls out a chair, sitting down with the same smooth regality that seems so natural to the Black family. Regulus wonders vaguely is grace can be a genetic trait, passed down to off spring.
After dinner in the great hall, Regulus returned with the boy to the room, he was already talking to his friends and explained briefly what was going on.
"Hey Sirius" Barty and Evan wave at him with wide smiles on their faces.
Sirius is afraid, it's too many new people and too many emotions and like most magical children when they feel strong emotions they explode and make a mess around them, it's a tantrum, glass breaks.
None of the three six-year Slytherins have dealt with children, so they look at Sirius slightly shocked.
"I- I swear I'm getting better, I'm working on it, it won't happen again, you don't have to discipline me" he assures quickly, his voice trembling slightly as well as his hands, his eyes darting between the three Slytherins.
"It's okay, I'll just fix it, okay?" Regulus pats his head. "It's okay"
"Merlin, this kid is traumatized" Barty blinks slowly as Regulus walks away with a crying boy in his arms.
If there was one place Sirius wasn't afraid to cry, it was his brother's arms.
Shortly after that Regulus prepared Sirius for bed.
"Go brush your teeth" Regulus instructed the boy, he figured Sirius could manage without taking a bath for once. It was beyond his means, Sirius wouldn't do it alone and Regulus just didn't feel like seeing him naked, it would be awkward for both of them. "What?" He looked up at the boy who still hadn't moved.
"I don't know how" he says with a slight dismay. Sirius was afraid that Regulus would get angry but Regulus understood, after all, there was no elf here and it was Creature who helped them with such trivial activities for a long time. Isn't it funny how he could recite half a history of magic book from memory but couldn't tie his shoelaces? Or that he could point to and name every constellation and star in the sky but couldn't brush his teeth?
"That's alright" Regulus said. "I can show you" he assured.
Sirius nodded but still looked put out.
"Do other kids my age know how to brush their teeth?" he asked anxiously. "Dad says I shouldn't be behind. That's why he hit-that's why he gets mad" he mumbled.
"I know, ma lumière" Regulus hugs him.
It's weird hugging Sirius again, it's weird that he allows it. In today's world, he wouldn't let Regulus get closer than three feet to him.
They weren't who they used to be anymore, they weren't even brothers anymore.
Regulus can't remember the last time they told each other they cared or the last time he heard Sirius say that cute childhood diminutive of "petite étoile".
He doesn't remember when but Sirius does it again today, he does it as a seven year old and it hurts because at seven Sirius loved him more than anything and now? Now he meant next to nothing to his older brother. And that was good, because Syeius meant as much to him.
Right?
"I love you, petite étoile" Sirius whispers.
"I know, ma lumière, I know, I love just as much, always" he kisses his forehead.
"Forever?" Sieius asks.
"Yeah, forever" Regulus assures, maybe it's a lie, but he's not going to break a seven-year-old's heart. "Do you want me to leave the light on at night?" Regulus asks. He was very afraid of the dark as a child, he didn't know if Sirius was too. With him, Sirius always played brave, never saying that he was afraid of something.
"No thank you" little boy says politely.
He wasn't afraid of the dark.
Blacks weren't afraid of stupid things like that.
Dad said so when Sirius wanted his nightlight back. He'd spanked him so hard that night that Sirius had forgotten to be afraid of the dark while he tried to keep from crying because of the pain.
So no, he didn't need a nightlight.
Soon after, Sirius fell asleep and Regulus had forgotten how much he tossed in bed and how he kicked, waking up with bruises on his ribs from little legs. Sirius lying like a starfish with his mouth open and saliva on his cheek, he sighs.
He thinks he'll skip going to the Hogesmade today, not that he planned to go there anyway.
It's after nine when Sirius gets up rubbing his eyes with his little fists, Regulus just finished reading, smiling slightly at him.
Sirius looks around the room, more confident than yesterday, he already knows that no one should hurt him except with Regulus watching over him. It's funny because he's always protected Reggie and not the other way around, but kind of nice too. It's nice that he can rest and that he is taken care of and protected and not him doing it.
Now he watches Regulus' friends with curiosity, studying the two on the bed across from him.
Evan sits on Barty's stomach, trying to draw his lines evenly with his eyeliner.
"That's pretty" Sirius informs happily, appearing beside them without warning which results with a brush in Barty's eye "what are your words today?" he asked, undaunted by the curses.
"What?" Barty looks over at him, frowns, the little boy beaming at his face, strange for Sirius Black to be glad to see him.
"Reggie says your name is Barty and it's a boy's name but you might not like it" Sirius starts a little hesitantly "you've got those eyes and that makeup" he points to his face "so I wonder what your pronouns are" he finishes.
"My pronouns? It's still he/him, mate" Barty shrugs.
"Even if you're feminine sometimes?" Sirius is still staring at him in awe.
"Even if" he shrugs again, Sirius nodded "what do you think yours are, mate?" decided to ask out of pure courtesy, and since the kid started the topic himself, maybe he actually wanted to share something.
"I–" Sirius starts out a bit hesitant, not sure if he should tell this to strangers, mom would be mad. But Barty seems nice and has this super eye thing on his eyes. "I feel like they/them most of the time but mum says that I can not, that's incorrect, so it's always just he/him like you" he decides to finish with a slight smile.
"You know what mate?" Barty is surprised at this kid's self-knowledge "with me you can be they/them" he proposes.
"Really?" Sirius beams bouncing on his feet.
"Yeah really" Barty nodds "whatever suits you" he smiles at Sirius.
"Could I?" Sirius tentatively points to the cosmetics scattered on his bed.
"Sure!" Barty grins "We'll make you look great" he assures, Sirius giggles.
"Are you friends with Sirius Balck now?" Regulus looks at him accusingly. He just came back from the bathroom to find such an unusual sight.
"Would you prefer me to make him cry?"
Barty shrugs "they're a cool friend, am I right?" He ruffles Sirius's hair.
Sirius gigles again.
He was very happy when Reggie told him that he looks pretty today.
"You know what Reg? With a Sirius like this, I could even make friends" Barty informs with a wide smile, watching the seven-year-old.
"Because he has the same mental level as you?" Evan snorted, amused. No one needs to know about his tender smile with which he watched Barty deal with this little kid, to be honest I didn't expect him to be good with children but the two of them were giggling and laughing and it was... cute.
"He hasn't changed a bit, he's just hiding his insecurities better now" Regulus mumbles. Sirius hasn't changed at all, he's always been brave, he's always loved people, he still has all the good qualities he had in his childhood.
He was just better at hiding how gentle he was, hiding all his difficult emotions and insecurities behind a big smile and drama so no one would see how insecure and needy he really was.
Regulus wonders if his friends know if they know that Sirius is actually very fragile and sensitive, that some words stay with him for years, and if someone tells him his accent is annoying he will change it (that's why he hasn't used French for years) if someone tells him his shirt is out of fashion he will throw it out.
Sirius cared a lot about other people's opinions, he needed their approval, Regulus hopes his friends know and care not to hurt him.
They go to breakfast together, and Barty won't say he wasn't pleased with the disobedience and envy on Potter's face as he entered the great hall with a laughing Sirius in his arms.
It amused him immensely that Sirius was skeptical of his friends.
"Can I play with Remus today too?" Sirius asks at breakfast, Regulus agrees.
"You like him?" Regulus raises an eyebrow. Fun thing to ask. He wondered if seven-year-old Sirius loved his Moony as much as seventeen-year-old Sirius.
"He's warm" Sirius informs with a shrug.
"Would you like to stay with them for dinner?" Regulus asks pointing at marauders and Sirius nods with a smile.
Regulus wanted to spend as much time with little Sirius as possible, he wanted to feel his warmth and love again, to be sure that he once had it, that it really existed, only that it hurt much more to know that he had lost it. He dreaded watching Sirius cringe at every loud sound, holding back his tears and squeezing his hands so that his fingernails dug into his skin, hurting him. Little Sirius was a sad sight and a perfect proof of how colorful childhood was in their home. Regulus is shocked at how well Syeius handled it, or how well he pretended to handle it. He loves his brother but on the other hand he knows that the Marauders will give him better care than he will ever be able to.
After all, Sirius was supposed to be with his family and the one he chose was better than the one he had.
Later, when they eat, they approach the Gryffindor table, Regulus takes a deep breath before opening his mouth, so as not to say something mean, not with little Sirius here, if he senses Regulus' uncertainty, he will be insecure himself.
The Marauders agreed to take care of him happily. They loved little Sirius.
"Hey buddy, we've conjured up some toys for you here if you'd like" Peter comes up to him with a basket of toys, it's feathers and sheets of clothes transformed into stuffed animals, soldiers, figurines.
"Thank you sir" he nodded with a polite smile, set the basket aside.
"He's weird, why doesn't he do anything?" Peter sighs.
"Maybe he's still afraid of us" Remus suggests.
It takes them a long time to convince Sirius that they are friends and that he doesn't have to call them "sir" or call them polite, they ask him to feel free to say and do whatever he wants to ensure that there is nothing that would make them angry.
"Hey, can I play with you?" James joins the boy who hesitantly pulls one teddy out of the basket.
Funny thing, Sirius is pretty sure he used to have a teddy bear, that he got it from his cousin Andy, and that he always hid it under the mattress so his parents wouldn't find it. It was a nice toy.
"What?" Sirius looks at him and blinks in surprise "grown-ups don't play with children" he states.
Don't these boys know any rules?
Most of the things they did and suggested were punishable.
"Why's that?" James pouts his lip "of course they play" he says with a smile
"who other than parents would play with you if you didn't have other children around you?" James shrugs. His parents always spent time with him, afraid that as an only child he would feel lonely.
"My parents don't play and neither do I" he states "these weird things are funny and I don't understand why I got them, is it some kind of trap?" he asks, staring at James, whose smile fades. "It's okay, they're really busy all the time, my mom gets mad if I bother them. She says that I need to stop being so annoying."
James swallowas nervously, he frowns Sirius is pretty sure that he's been frowning since this conversation started, and it's making him nervous.
"I don't think that you're annoying," he says, but he's probably just saying that to be nice and that just makes Sirius's stomach twist even more. "I think that you're very interesting. I like you a lot" it sounds sincere but Sirius is biting his lip in stress.
"You never playing?" Peter looks at him confused.
"No" he frowns, they don'tunderstand, of course he plays, he likes it "I play hide-and-seek with Regulus, but we both hide so that no one will find us, we are looking for hiding places in our house that may be useful later. Sometimes the elf takes us to the garden and we can even run there if our parents are not looking. I read a lot of fairy tales so that I can tell them to Reggie later, he doesn't like reading because he does it's slow and it annoys parents. Sometimes we collect pebbles or buttons and play games. Reggie always comes up with fun things like the one time we played with cutlery on the dishes in the kitchen. Reggie is great when will he come back?" the whole three is looking at him with something his small mind can't identify, they are sad, why are they sad? "Did i say something wrong?" he panics immediately.
"No, of course not" they assure him quickly.
So Sirius was complicated...
But neither of them expected the little boy to start crying. Sirius shunned crying very much, but now something seemed to overwhelm him, because Sirius was sobbing shaking and sitting on the ground screaming.
Screaming something no one expected to hear, not from Sirius Black.
"Mom, I want to go to mom, take me to my mom" the boy sobbed and whines and sobbed "I want my mom!"
So yeah... neither of the boys knew how to react.
James quickly looked at the map, identified Regulus's position and took Sirius straight to his brother, Sirius would struggle in his arms and wriggle, punch and slap him and James was sure he would end up with a bruise on his jaw, but that's okay, he just need to find Regulus.
"Regulus!" James called across half the hall, it reached Regulus faster than Sirius' cries, who were still writhing in James's arms, trying to pull away.
"What did you do?" he asks, looking at the boy with concern. It took a lot for Sirius to go berserk, to react so vehemently.
"Nothing really nothing, I didn't know what to do, or where to go, it's, I thought you would help the most, he just–" James tries to explain but Sirius explains the situation faster.
"Mom, I want mom" he sniffs.
"Oh, ma lumière" Regulus takes him in his arms. So that's the thing, Sirius had his childhood moments of sudden and rash need to be with his parents. "She's angry now" he informs the boy with something tender in his voice, Sirius immediately calms down.
"Oh" he mumbles.
"Yeah" Regulus smiles sadly.
"Sorry for my outburst, James" Sirius turns to said boy. He did wrong to give vent to all these emotions but he couldn't help himself and now he will be punished for not controlling himself, right?
James tries to put his glasses back together, unfortunately they broke from Sirius' little shoes.
"Yeah" James nods "That's nothing really, we're good I'm not mad" he assures with a smile.
"Merlin" Regulus scowled "just give it to me, Potter" he rolls his eyes, reaching for Jamssa's glasses, he fixes them with a short spell, a simple reparo.
"I want to go back, will you go with me?" Sirius turns his sad face to Regulus.
"Well" Regulus closed his eyes and took a deep breath before smiling and nodding to Sirius. He would do anything for him.
Sirius got lost, Regulus let him go ahead of them and the little boy ran up the stairs not realizing that they were moving and changing position. He landed in some place he didn't know, he wanted to get back to Regulus but he didn't know how. , he was running ahead and he got lost and ran into someone, oh no, he ran into someone, he started apologizing feverishly.
He looked up to see the woman with furrowed brows, he looks up uncertainty, stress squeezed his lungs, keeping his body frozen.
He shivered, feeling something very unpleasant, his stomach is rebelling and clenching, it's his allergy to cats, Sirius wants to cry, before he can calm down and stop himself he vomits and does it right on the woman's shoes, stress shoots through him.
The woman waved her wand and cleared the floor. Sirius still couldn't bring himself to look up until he spotted the wand hover.
"Do it quickly, then ma'am" he said commandingly, but his voice was shaky.
Minerva's frown deepened.
"Do what quickly, Sirius?" she asked kindly, lowering her wand and crouching in front of the boy to get a better look at him.
There was vomit over his sweater, face, and the back of his hand.
Sirius didn't answer.
"Can you look at me?" Minerva asked, concerned.
Sirius opened his eyes cautiously.
"I don't like Stinging Hexes" he said, very matter-of-fact "And I hate the build-up more, so please just do it already."
"Why would I hex you?" she asked wondering exactly what kind of abused child situation she'd found herself in.
She'd known Sirius's parents had hexed him, but she hadn't realized it had started so early.
Merlin, Sirius was seven.
"Your wand is out." He points out.
"I'm going to clean you" she said softly. "Scourgify. See? All better."
Sirius looked down at himself and then touched his face tentatively.
"And now you're going to hex me? Or will you do it before dinner?" A look of horror crossed Sirius's face. "You're not going to starve me, are you? I'd rather be hexed. I don't like to be hungry" He crossed his arms.
"No, Sirius. Merlin, of course not" she shakes her head terrified, you don't want to hear such words from a small child "I'll take you to your friends and brother, okay? They're probably looking for you" and Minerva escorts him to Gryffindor's common room.
This is where James took Regulus, promising him that he knew how to find Sirius. Regulus was more than surprised when he saw the Marauder's Map.
Minerva put the boy under the door and ordered him in, leaving him in this situation, he managed but when Sirius entered the marauder's dormitory, each of the boys had a wand in his hand and each of them headed towards the door when it opened, they didn't want to be disturbed now they were doing something important. But their wands were pointed straight at him and little Sirius panicked.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I won't ask for help again, I swear! I will never get lost again and I will not move away from you without notice, I'm sorry! I will be good!" He cried and damn, that just brakes hearts. "Don't" he pleaded, hiding behind his hands.
"You think we'd hex you?" Peter looks at the little boy with wide eyes.
"You won't?" He sniffs.
"Why would we hex you?" James asks. "What would that teach you?"
"A lesson?" Sirius guesses, and then immediately knows that he's said the wrong thing by the way that James's expression darkens. He quickly says, "Nevermind," in an attempt to take back what he said, but it's too late, and he knows it by the way that James is looking at him. He wastes a few precious seconds trying to find out how to make things better, then mumbles, "Sorry."
"It's okay," James whispers even though Sirius knows that he's lying. His voice is tight, like he's forcing himself to speak calmly, and Sirius stares down at his lap and tries not to show how scared he is. Neither of them seem to like it when he acts scared, which means that he has to be brave about everything. He doesn't feel very brave, but he's willing to act like he is if it means that nobody will be as mad at him. "And, to answer your question, no, I'm not going to hex you. That wouldn't teach you anything."
"But it would," Sirius says, then frowns, wondering why he's saying this. It's not like he wants them to hex him. And maybe that makes him weak, that he's trying to get away from something that he deserves, but he can't help it. He doesn't want to be hexed. He doesn't want to be hurt anymore. "I mean..."
James looks at him, expression unreadable, and asks, "What would it teach you?"
Sirius feels like he's been put under a spotlight, like everybody in the whole entire world is looking at him, waiting for his answer. He opens his mouth, then closes it. He shrugs and mumbles, "I don't know."
"Because it won't teach you anything" James decides. Sirius just nodded as if agreeing with him. Even if he knew the older boy was lying.
"Oh Sirius come here" Regulus opened his arms for him and Sirius ran into him and hugged him tight "I won't let anything happen, remember? Your happiness and safety is the most important thing in the world to me."
"I love you Reggie" Sieius sniffs.
"I know ma lumière, I know" he whisperes "I love you too"
They spend a lot of time in the marauders' room before the hour comes when they go to the infirmary.
Three more minutes and they'd have their best friend back.
Two more minutes and everything would be back to normal.
One minute and Regulus would lose his big brother again.
Regulus's jaw is clenched tight, his face twitches and his hands begin to tremble, maybe he'll just leave? It'll be easier that way. He may just...
"Hey, I think he would like you to be here" James Potter's warm voice stops him, why did Regulus stop to look at him? What for?
He should have just left and gone back to normal, acting like nothing had happened, so why didn't he? Why did he stay?
What was he counting on?
He'd been hoping for more than Sirius's pissed look asking what the hell was Regulus even doing here?
No, of course not.
"Okay" Regulus says flatly, emotionlessly "Okay" he repeats, his jaw clenched, as he turns on his heel and left.
He just left without looking back, just like Sirius did six months ago.
Maybe Black brothers have something in common after all.