saviour complex

James was trying not to notice Lily's frequent absences at meals.
He shrugged it off to her studying too much but a part of him knew this wasn't the reason.
Sometimes James would wonder why he was the way that he was.
Why he would constantly feel the need to fix things? To make them better. To save people.
He'd usually arrive at the same conclusion when these questions arose.
Because he had to.
It was as simple and as complicated as that.
James Potter had to help people. He had to make things better any way he could.
That was what he did.
He thought of terms of endearment used by the people he loved.
"Sunny boy" or "Sanee boy" his parents called him that when he was really young.
Because no matter what was going on their son was constantly beaming a bright smile.

After a particularly difficult full moon.
James had complained a little about feeling stiff from the transformation. Remus had snapped at him over this.
"We get it James you're the sun everything revolves around you!"
He later apologised for his outburst but the words themselves had stuck.

Marlene had once commented on his performance after leading the Quidditch team to 4 consecutive wins.
"You're like the sun Potter, you can't stop shining."

James Potter was the sun And he HAD to keep shining.
But the world didn't revolve around James the way it did the sun.
No.
James revolved around it.
The sun keeps the earth alive. It gives it light. Let it grow.
James had to keep going around and keep it safe.

Lately, James felt that he wasn't doing his job.
He had noticed some of his world dim.
Sirius would randomly dissociate and go back to Grimmauld place.
Remus was on edge and James wasn't really sure why.
Peter had been feeling left out and Sirius and Remus were both taking their bursts of anger out on him.

And Lily.
Well, he wasn't really sure.
All he knew was that Lily Evans had always had light all on her own and now he had noticed that little bit of light had started to dim.
He was thinking it might be the stress of dealing with Snape he wondered how often encounters like last weekend occurred.
Thinking about the things they said made James wish he had punched them before cursing them.
That wasn't like James he wasn't a violent person. Pranks sure but they were all practically harmless just annoying enough to bug the Slytherins.
But he'd never felt this before.
How dare they make Lily feel that way

James had promised Lily he would spend time with her tonight he was really looking forward to it as usual.
He had been so busy with practice that he'd barely seen her this weekend.
She wasn't at dinner tonight like he had hoped.
James had planned to take her on a date to the Astronomy Tower tonight. He had been up in the few minutes between practice and dinner to set it all out.
Pillows, fairy lights, a blanket, a deck of cards and some chocolates.
Not much but he did his best on short notice. He thought Lily must like chocolate. He never really saw her eat much at meals. Probably a small appetite or something. But the other day she actually managed to finish a big slice of chocolate cake.

After dinner, James left with the marauders.
Peter was babbling on about chess and Remus was feeling kind enough to listen.
James knew nothing about chess. He found it boring having to sit still for so long, he was grateful that for once someone else could talk to Peter about it.

As James trailed back a bit Sirius joined him.
"Heya Prongsie"
Sirius said affectionately.
"Hey Pads." James smiled happy to see his friend in such a good mood.

"Guess what I've planned for next weekend," Sirus said practically bouncing with excitement.

James smiled and sighed.

Sirius leaned in and whispered in his friend's ear.
"A way to get back at Snape on Halloween."

James looked over to Sirius half concerned half entrigued.

James thought about how Lily's face had crumpled when Snape said those things to her.

"Go on," James said.

"So my first plan was hair removing shampoos but first of all that's just too juvenile. And secondly judging by the State of his hair we all know Snivilous does not use shampoo."

James started laughing and the two other boys slowed back to hear the conversation. Sirius continued his plan addressing the three of them now.

"See I know that Prongs had his own vigilante justice last week. But we are marauders we have to take revenge together." Sirius put on a corny voice and looked sincerely at his friends. "That's what friendships all about."

Usually, James would give Sirius a joking shove after something like this. But he was so worried about causing another dissociative attack.

"It's quite simple really. What was it Snivilous said to Lily again? Ballooned up?"
Sirius asked.

James nodded still angry at Snape's irrelevant comment.

Remus looked shocked and James realised Lily mustn't have told him.

"He really said that? To Lily, that doesn't even make sense?"

James nodded again in agreement.
"I know it makes no sense at all! Lily is perfect. That comment was so unpersonal," James spat still pissed.

"We get it James you're." Sirus pointed at Remus. "Moony for Lily." He took a break to briefly laugh at his own pun.
"Anyways back to business, I found a charm that can make Snivilous balloon up. Quite literally actually, he'll float up into the air and all. I figure we set him off during the fireworks show." Sirius smiled wickedly.

"That's perfect!" James exclaimed.
"Brilliant." Peter nodded
"You're an Evil genius Pads," Remus added looking impressed.

Sirius grinned and dropped into a bow at the praise.

When they neared the entrance to the Gryffindor common area James turned to Remus.
"Moony do you mind if I borrow the map?"

"Oh sure take it to impress your girlfriend its only my lifes work after all" Remus said sarcastically retrieving the map from his back pocket.

"Cheers Moony" James smiled acting oblivious to the usual Moony sarcasm.
He found it easier to just pretend Remus was saying it all sincerely.

Remus rolled his eyes and smiled as he handed it over.

Lily was waiting for James when he got back to the common room.
She was dressed in a pair of baggy jeans and a large sweater. She looked undeniably cute standing there red hair in soft waves. Blushed dabbed subtly across her freckled cheekbones.
As he approached he was hit with the smell of honey, vanilla and lavender. Lily's perfume.

Didn't see you at dinner," He said. Walking up to her.

"Oh I had a late lunch" She excused herself.

"Oh all right" James paused "you smell nice."
The scent of vanilla honey and lavender filled his head.

Danm it.
That was such a weird thing to say.
Why did he say that?

Lily laughed at the awkward compliment.

"Thanks, Potter."

James blushed and ran a hand through his hair ruffling it up.

"It's kinda crowded in here do you maybe want to go on a walk with me?" He said looking at Lily hopefully.

"Sounds nice." Lily smiled.

James got the map out as the left the common room.
He pointed his wand at it and said the magic words.

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good."
The map revealed itself showing all the students and where they were as well as unveiling all the hidden passages.
James had found one leading straight to the Astronomy Tower for easy access so they would be able to stay up past curfew.
As an extra precaution, James had folded his invisibility close-up in his bag.

"Right this way m'lady, "James said gesturing Lily to follow.

Up the next flight of stairs was a hidden brick passage covered by a red velvet curtain.

James counted the bricks as Lily watched curiously.
He pushed in the second brick from the floor the fourth up from that and then the one just below it.
The passage caved in and James grabbed Lily's hand quickly as soon as they were through she gave him a look as the passage immediately closed.

"Lumos. Sorry, I should have explained the entrance only stays open for 15 seconds." James said feeling bad for rushing her through.

"No, it's just how did you know to do that? How many passages are actually on that thing?"
Lily nodded towards the map.

"54 but Remus swears there are more."

"Wow, that's impressive." Lily smiled.

James shrugged shyly.
"It's all Moony he's such a wiz with this stuff."

"Well no offence but I didn't exactly think Sirius had the patience to make that." Lily laughed lightly.

"You'd be right " James smiled.

After 4 minutes of uphill walking, they reached the exit.
James pushed in the bricks on the ceiling from the inside in the same order.
The bricks opened and James helped Lily to climb up.
They were inside the tower.

Lily gasped.
"James, did you set this up?"
She gestured to the pillows and lights.

"Yeah aha. It's not much I know but it's private no one comes up here. I wanted to make it cosier and stuff because it's plain up here. I would've done more but-"

Lily hugged him.
"I love it," She said. Still holding on.

James broke into a soft smile.
"I'm glad."

Lily let go and walked over to the blanket cards and chocolates.
She looked suspiciously at the deck. Picking them up.

"These are muggle cards." She said surprised.

"Yeah, those are Moony's as well. " James laughed.

"Thank god! I can't deal with those exploding things." Lily giggled," You do know I'm a proper card shark though. You don't stand a chance, Potter." Lily grinned.

James cocked an eyebrow with false competitiveness.
"We'll just have to see about that Evans.
He made his way over sitting down next to Lily.

3 games in and he was 3 for nought.

"Best out of five?" He said hopefully.

"James I've already won Best of Five. Plus you said best of 3 two games ago." She laughed.

Lily had such an enchanting laugh.
It managed to fill the entire tower.

James thought of bribing her into another game with the chocolates it always worked with Remus. Then he realised he was the only one who had touched them.

"Sorry, I just kinda helped myself. " He laughed.
"Do you want some?" James held the box of chocolates out for Lily.

Lily tensed. She practically jumped when James held the box towards her.

He looked at her confused.

"Sorry, I don't really like chocolates." She said apologetically.
"Really?" He said disappointed.

That was weird she had eaten a big slice of chocolate cake just this week.
Maybe she only likes chocolate cake?

Lily perked up.
"Tell you what maybe you can trade something else for a rematch."
She smiled shyly at James.

James took the opportunity and leaned in for a kiss.
They were in the astronomy Tower.
Eyes closed and not looking at the sky.
But when James felt the delicate touch of Lily's lips against his, he saw stars.