saviour complex

Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
F/M
G
saviour complex
Summary
Lily Evans is sick, sick of feeling like an outsider, sick of the pressure to prove she's more than her blood status and sick of herself. She wanted to be good enough to be accepted. James Potter has been totally infatuated with Lily Evans since he saw her during their first year at Hogwarts. He would love to watch her doing the things that made her Lily like how she would try to make conversation with house elves or comfort homesick first years or would carry a book everywhere. He noticed when she started staring off into the distance more than usual or tapped her fingers around her wrist anxiously. He watched her slowly fade. James has to fix this because isn't that what he does?
Note
TW: homophobia, depression, dissociation, panic attacks, anorexia, eating disorders, PTSD, abuse , harassment.☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆ To see how characters are imagined @floraisasleep on pinterest
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Chapter 20

James had ended practice early at 7:30.
In the middle of drills.
Nimbus (James's owl) returned looking proud. He had a letter in his hand.
And despite many rejections, James was always hopeful.
Nimbus dropped the letter onto his lap letting out an excited hoot.
James picks up the letter.
Written prettily in exquisite handwriting on the envelope.

Prongs

He smiled and opened the letter like a child opening a Christmas gift.
Inside a short note read.

Yes, I'd like that.

P.S. Send me an owl that early again and I'm keeping him.

 

James felt his chest bubble and rise.
HE WAS TAKING LILY EVANS TO HOGSMEAD.
Date or not he didn't care. The important thing was SHE SAID YES!!!
He quickly tucked away the letter into his robe and called out to the team.
They were mid-way racing up and down the pitch.
"Good news lads! Training is over early today. Good work everyone! I want you to keep up that momentum for next week's match. Back to bed or dorms or breakfast, we are finished for today."

The team cheered gratefully and ascended from the air.
Swarming to the bleachers to collect water flasks and coats before leaving the pitch.

James spotted Marlene Mckinnon. She had shaggy-cut blonde hair. She was very small in comparison to any of the other players on the team or honestly just compared to anyone else. But her small light body made her a danm good chaser and an asset to the team. But along with that she also happened to be Lily's roommate and friend. And although he knew he probably shouldn't James couldn't seem to help himself from going up to her.

"Hey, McKinnon great work out there," James said cheerily in his team captain voice.

Marlene turned around and looked excitedly at him.
She must know he thought.
"Send any owls today?" She giggled.

Oh, she definitely knew.

"Oh. Well, I suppose you heard about that." He said slightly shy.

"Saw it actually." She confirmed happily.

"Oh good. Well eh, I actually wanted to ask you something. I Don't know if this is weird but I know you are friends with Lily so maybe you'd know."

"Go on." She smiled.

"Well, when she said yes-"

"She said yes?!" Marlene looked both happy and surprised.

"Yes eh well when she said yes. Do you think she was agreeing to get tea or to date?.....wait hold on you didn't know she said yes?"

"No, no I had to leave for practice right after the owl came. I can't believe she said yes!" Marlene jumped up and down slightly in a giddy little dance.
"I knew it!!!"

"Knew what exactly?" James asked

"That she likes you!!" She burst out.

"She does?"

"Well knowing Lily she wouldn't say yes if she didn't like you at least a little!"

"Oh wow really? I just thought after all the well eh rejections I guess that she had made that pretty clear. Maybe it was friendly yes."

 

"You know the reason she always said no don't you?" Marlene looked a less excited now.

"Yeah I guess I came off as pretty immature I see why she wouldn't want to date me too. I mean she's probably the most amazing witch I've ever met. Like you've seen her she's smart and kind and so beautiful it's almost unfair-" James stopped himself embarrassed. He looked down a bit.

"That's not why she said no James. Lily thought it was a joke. This whole time she thought you were asking her out to make fun of her or something." Marlene said sincerely.

James felt like someone had thrown a bludger into his gut.
How could she think that?
All this time she thought he was making fun of her?

"But I- I wouldn't do that to Lily"

Marlene gave him a sympathetic smile and patted his shoulder. (or as close to that as she could reach at least.)

"Listen Potter I know that, you know that, the problem is Lily doesn't. I agree with everything you said about her she's one of my best friends but she doesn't see herself that way. So whenever you made a show of asking her out she never thought you meant it."

A second imaginary bludger hit his stomach.

Marlene saw the hopeless look on his face and took pity on him.

"But if Lily said yes even if it was in a friendly way. You are luckier than you think. Lily loves her friends with her whole huge heart so if you are her friend you are one lucky wizard."

James smiled softly and graciously nodded his head.

"Thanks for that Mckinnon sorry for keeping you from breakfast. You'll need your strength if you're going to beat those Slytherins like usual."

Marlene chuckled and walked off.
"Thanks, captain." She said leaving the pitch.

She turned around last second.
"Oh, and good luck!"

James laughed and waved her off before turning back to Nimbus.

"Thanks, boy." He stroked his messy feathers. "Thanks."

He packed up his things and sent Nimbus back to his dorm before heading to the Gryffindor common room.

When he reached it he found Lily in there as usual. The unusual thing however was that she was staring at herself in the mirror.
But not the way he saw girls usually do it. Not applying lipstick or fuffing out hair but staring intently. Or rather discontentedly.
She was still in her pyjamas too which was unusual for her at this time she'd usually be dressed.
There was a Cosmo magazine open on the couch where she usually sat. James assumed she had been reading it which was also a little strange for Lily.

She was running and hand along her collarbone when he came in.

"Hey." He said not really sounding sure of himself.

Lily was startled obviously not seeing him come in.

"Oh hi, James." Said immediately.
"I didn't think you'd be here today isn't practice on? " Before he could respond she kept talking. "I mean obviously I didn't think you'd be here I'm still in pajamas for Merlin's sake" She gestured at her tank top and loose-fitting plaid pajama bottoms.

James wished she hadn't pointed out her attire because seeing Lily in anything apart from her uniform was honestly a little starting for James. Not that she didn't look great in her uniform. But her pyjamas were a lot more revealing and James was really trying not to stare.

"Oh aha don't worry about it you look good." Shit, why did I say
He immediately thought.

Lily blushed a looked away from him shyly.

"Sorry!" He spluttered out "I just mean you're pretty you look good in anything."
Stop talking stop talking stop talking you're making it worse Don't make her uncomfortable he yelled internally.

"No aha, I look a complete mess right now no need to lie." She looked at him.

James looked into her eyes and froze there.
"I wouldn't lie to you, Lily."

After an uncertain measure of time, they both looked away.

Lily shook her head and smiled.

"So chai tea tomorrow?" She said.

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