saviour complex

Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
F/M
G
saviour complex
Summary
Lily Evans is sick, sick of feeling like an outsider, sick of the pressure to prove she's more than her blood status and sick of herself. She wanted to be good enough to be accepted. James Potter has been totally infatuated with Lily Evans since he saw her during their first year at Hogwarts. He would love to watch her doing the things that made her Lily like how she would try to make conversation with house elves or comfort homesick first years or would carry a book everywhere. He noticed when she started staring off into the distance more than usual or tapped her fingers around her wrist anxiously. He watched her slowly fade. James has to fix this because isn't that what he does?
Note
TW: homophobia, depression, dissociation, panic attacks, anorexia, eating disorders, PTSD, abuse , harassment.☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆ To see how characters are imagined @floraisasleep on pinterest
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Chapter 18

It was late in the dorm. Later than James would usually stay up at least. He was under the covers of his bed trying to sleep while his roomates had their usual late night discussions.
The Hogsmead weekend was 3 days away now.
All James wanted to do was ask Lily to go with him.
He had been talking to her pretty much every chance he could. She was in the common room instead of breakfast every day this week. James didn't question it honestly he was just happy she was there.
He had also started walking her to divination before each class aswell.

He was trying so hard to not come off as too much. It was hard though when he'd had a crush on her for years. But James really wanted to show Lily that he was more mature than the kid that would yell "Hey Evans" at her in the halls.

He wanted her to know he really cared about her. That she was the brightest witch he'd ever met. That he saw how kind she was to people and it made him feel lucky to be around her. That her laugh lit up any room she was in.

He wished he could say those things but he knew Lily Evans didn't like him that way.
And he didn't want to ruin everything between them that he had tried so hard to build over this term.

But Lily Evans was like a star and he didn't mind if he never got too close to her. He was more than happy to just watch her shine.

She had seemed a little worried lately
She must have been stressed about tests although there was no reason for her to be. James thought, because she was more than capable.
He still wasn't really sure how to ask her to Hogsmead though.
A big gesture sounded like somthing she would probably not be too keen on and honestly was a bit much to do for a Hogsmead trip.
Just asking upfront seemed abit too cocky and boring at the same time.

A letter.

A letter would be the perfect way to ask. It was pretty casual but not boring and he could say everything he wanted without getting flustered and feeling like a dope.
He could send it by owl too.
That way she wouldn't feel pressured to say yes.

He got up from under his covers.
Feeling the chill of the rooms air as he left the comfortable warmth of his bed.

"Is it 5 am already?" Peter said alarmed.

"No Pete it's only half ten." Remus sighed.

Peter looked relieved.

"Little old Mrs Potter has probably come to tell us delinquents to keep the racket down." Sirius joked.

"Little old mrs Potter ay? I'm not the one who's uses muggle hair rollers " James cocked an eyebrow at Sirius.

"Hey!"Sirius mocked being offended."I used them once!" He said indignantly.

"Yeah and you looked like Matron back at the boys home when you did." Remus smirked.

"She must be very handsome then" Sirius said without missing a beat.

All 3 boys burst into laughter. Sirius simply smiled proudly.

"Well " James started "I guess I'll let you ladies get back to your beauty tips."
He then dodged a monogrammed 'S.O.B' slipper that was thrown at his head by a smiling Sirius.

"Maybe you should join Prongs you could use a few tips."
James shook his head smiling and walked to his desk.

"Are you studying?" Remus asked.
Remus was the only one in the dorm and maybe even school that studied past 10pm for the most part the only one in the dorm to study at all.

"Of course he's not." Sirius replied.

"Not everyone can glide through school on their charm and luck like you Padfoot." Remus said to Sirius.

"We'll not everyone has my charm and luck." Sirius winked back.

James shook his head at the banter tuning the two out.
And started to write.
Dear Lily

No

Too formal

To Lily

Nope

 

Hey Lily,
I was wondering if you might like to go check out the three broomsticks this weekend. I hear they do great herbal teas and Remus mentioned you like those.
My Pita(mom) usually makes good chaii but I haven't tried many other teas. Maybe you could recommend some.

-James Potter

 

OK that would do he thought.
He folded the parchment in half and put it into an envelope.

"Writing home?" Pete said looking over.

"Not today." James smiled at the smaller boy. Tucking the letter into his desk drawer.

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