August 1st, 1977
James pushed open the screen door to a small cottage, perched on one of the many hills in Northern France. The home was fairly isolated, with the nearest town being over a mile away, a convenient place for wizards to practice magic without the scrutiny of muggles.
Sirius had keyed James into the wards of all of the Black Family properties before he had been kicked out, just in case James needed to visit. He never got the chance, as Sirius had shown up on their doorstep less than a month later, twitching and crying.
Walburga, Sirius’ mother, had yet again used the Cruciatus Curse on her eldest son, and when she had ordered for Sirius’ younger brother, Regulus, to take over, Sirius had managed to send a slicing hex at her, slitting her forearm open.
Walburga had snapped, although James joked that she was in a perpetual state of ‘snapped’, and kicked Sirius out. He had tried to convince Regulus to join him, insisting that he would be more than welcome at the Potters. However, Regulus had refused, which James hypothesized was the main reason for Sirius’ tears.
James had wanted to study Magical Creatures for a long time, and had finally had the perfect opportunity this summer. Sirius and Remus were both staying at the Potters, and they were currently at odds due to The Prank. James wanted them to make up, and didn’t want to continue being the buffer, so he had asked Sirius about the home in France and the rest was history.
He had read reports in the daily prophet about an irregular population spike of Jobberknolls in France, considering the fact that the creatures generally resided in Northern Europe and America. James had been interested in the birds since learning about them in his first Care of Magical Creatures class in third year, and as he would most likely be joining the war next year, it may be his only opportunity to pursue his passion for a while, or ever.
James levitated his trunk through the wide entryway, silently thanking Merlin for the fact that he was now able to perform magic outside of school, and entered the cottage.
The brunette had assumed that this house would resemble Sirius’ description of Grimmauld Place, as Walburga didn’t seem like a particularly colorful woman. He expected dull colors, dreary portraits, and maybe even a skull or two.
So, to say that the baby blue walls and excess of windows surprised James was an understatement, as he floated his trunk through the house in awe. Colorful paintings littered the walls, cozy furniture filled up the rooms, and if James didn’t know any better he would say that the house felt lived in.
As he lowered his trunk to the ground in what he assumed was the living room, he noticed a muggle invention atop of the fireplace, shocking him even more than the decorations had. Sirius’ mother would rather die than speak with a muggle, let alone own a muggle invention, which James guessed was a television.
Confused, James made his way over to the kitchen, in search of a glass in order to hydrate after the trek up the hill. As he walked in the room, he noticed a steaming mug of tea on the counter. Steaming. James heard footsteps, and turned just in time to see Regulus Black walk into the room.
The boy froze upon seeing James, stunned into silence. James took the time to observe Regulus, and realized how much had changed over the summer.
Regulus was much taller, even taller than Sirius was, although he was no longer gangly, seemingly having filled out more over the break. His normally perfect curls were messy, and Regulus wore a baggy t-shirt with a simple pair of sweatpants. His cheeks were sun kissed, causing small freckles to scatter his cheeks, and his grey eyes stared right into James’ brown ones, reading him like a book.
Regulus was gorgeous, and James was screwed.
“What are you doing in my house Potter?” Regulus asked, his cool tone knocking James back into reality, who had been too busy ogling his best friend’s brother to realize how odd of a situation he was in.
“Sirius said I could stay here,” James responded plainly, resuming the hunt for a glass, searching the wooden cabinets, avoiding the old wood that would so easily give him splinters, “What are you doing here, Reg?”
“I own this property, and don’t call me that,” Regulus scoffed in annoyance, either at the nickname or the trespassing, most likely both, “You can leave now.”
“No,” James huffed, suddenly feeling a wave of irritation towards the younger boy. Sure, Regulus owned the house, and James technically had no right to be there, but he really wanted to study Jobberknolls, and he wouldn't let the grumpy Slytherin stop him.
“Well, I’m not leaving, have fun with the couch,” Regulus scowled, promptly turning on his heel and leaving the kitchen, followed by a loud door slam to what James figured was the only bedroom in the house. The brunette groaned in annoyance, taking a sip from the glass that he had finally found. This trip was starting off on the wrong foot, and James didn’t think it could get any worse.
———
August 4th, 1977
Unfortunately for James, he couldn’t be more wrong, as Regulus seemed to be determined to make his stay as dreadful as possible. Wherever James went in the cottage, Regulus always seemed to turn up a few moments later, settling in with a book of some sorts and infuriating James.
It wasn’t as if the wizard was annoying per say, he was just very distracting. Every time he turned a page in one of his many novels, he had to just lick his fingers, sending thoughts into James’ head that Sirius would skin him alive for. All it took was a curl to fall out of place or an upturn of lips to cause James to swoon, and it was making his work impossible.
It had already taken far too much work to obtain the different studies and reports on the Jobberknolls movements across France, and with Regulus around the house, James could barely focus on predicting their future movements.
Irritated, James apparated back to the cottage, sweaty dripping down his face. He had spent the past two days apparating across the country and walking up and down hills, to no avail. He hadn’t spotted any magical creature, let alone the blue birds, and he wanted to throw something.
James stomped off towards the bathroom, itching to clean the sweat from his body. He harshly scrubbed shampoo into his messy hair as lukewarm water dripped down his body, because of course Regulus used all of the hot water. Regulus was everywhere, and it was driving the poor wizard mad.
Huffing as he stepped out of the shower, James briefly dried himself off with a damp towel, before throwing on a pair of boxer shorts and storming into the living room, preparing to give the younger boy a piece of his mind. He turned the corner with glee, excited to finally let loose and-
Oh.
Regulus was sprawled out on the sage green couch in nothing but a pair of shorts, glass of wine in hand. His cheeks were flushed and his hair was damp, causing all thoughts to fade from James’ mind. All he could think about was the shirtless boy in front of him, and how absolutely stunning he was.
“Care to join me, Potter?” Regulus asked, conjuring another glass and fishing out a bottle of wine from behind the couch, a smile on his face. Regulus was clearly tipsy, but James could use a break, and he couldn’t possibly deny the wishes of such a pretty human being.
“What’s in this?” James asked cautiously, reaching for the glass and the bottle, pouring himself a drink from the very expensive looking bottle.
“French wine mixed with Vodka,” Regulus replied with a giggle, a sound that James would commit to memory, seemingly amused by the disgusted expression on James’ face, “It’s quite foul, but it does the trick.”
“I guess I’ve gotta play catch-up then!” James smiled as he took a big gulp of the concoction, nose scrunching at the taste. The two boys drank in silence for a bit, as James plopped down on the couch next to Regulus.
The silence was nice, considering the circumstances. Before today, Regulus hadn’t spoken a word to James other than at the original greeting, and James was left to ponder what that meant, and why he was enjoying spending time with his best friend’s little brother.
“We should play a game,” Regulus said abruptly, turning to face James and refilling his glass, motioning for James to hold out his own, allowing the pale boy to fill up his glass, “I’m sure you Gryffindors have some type of silly game invented.”
“Never have I ever,” James suggested, not sober enough to recognize how weird it was that he was about to play a drinking game with Regulus Black.
“That will do, I suppose,” Regulus agreed, the Black family judgment evident in his tone, “Sips only for now, I don’t want to get alcohol poisoning.”
“I’m surprised you know this game, considering it’s invented by Muggles,” James teased, hoping that Regulus was too drunk to care about blood supremacy at that moment.
“Whatever Potter, you go first,” Regulus huffed, blowing a few stray curls out of his eyes, “Make it juicy, will you.”
“Alright, never have I ever smoked a cigarette before,” James said, surprised when Regulus raised his glass to his lips.
“I’m sixteen years old, surely you can do better than that,” Regulus commented with a roll of his eyes, which was unfairly attractive in James’ opinion, “Never have I ever fancied Lily Evans for my entire school career.”
“First of all, unfair!” James huffed indignantly, crossing his arms, “No targeted questions! Also, jokes on you, but I stopped crushing on her midway through fifth year, so technically I don’t have to drink.”
“I don’t believe that for a second, but I’ll let it slide just this once,” Regulus retorted, a twinkle in his eye that had to be from the alcohol, as the younger boy scooted closer to James, causing the older boy’s breath to hitch.
The game continued on like this for a bit, both wizards getting more and more intoxicated with every question, now both being incredibly wasted.
“Never have I ever snogged a bloke,” James giggled out, fully expecting the other boy not to drink, semi-confused as to why he even asked the question in the first place. However, when Regulus took a swig of his drink, James’ jaw dropped to the floor.
“Who?” He exclaimed, an ugly feeling clawing at his chest, similar to the feeling he experienced in third year when Lily chose to sit with Remus over him.
“I’d give you a list, but I fear it would talk too long to write all of the names down,” Regulus giggled in response, cheeks flushed, “you’d be surprised at how many bent blokes there are at Hogwarts.”
“I’ve never kissed a boy before,” James stated bluntly, a twinge of disappointment creeping into his tone, as he looked up at the wizard across from him. Suddenly, he became all too aware of how close the two of them were to each other, and how pink Regulus’ lips looked.
“Do you want to?” Regulus breathed out, leaning closer causing another stray curl to fall in his face, and James couldn’t take it anymore, reaching out and cupping the pale boy's cheeks, smashing their lips together.
They were kissing, and James was in heaven.
Any fears he had had about what would happen in his death evaporated, because as long as he were allowed to continue kissing Regulus Black for the rest of his life, nothing else mattered. It was as if they were two halves of a whole, finally coming together, and James would never allow them to be apart. Ever.
Regulus clambered on top of James, straddling his hips and causing the older boy to gasp, allowing their tongues to connect. The noises that Regulus made were sinful, and James was going to combust.
Soon, both of their shorts were on the floor, and the two were completely naked as Regulus kissed his way down James’ tan body, and then Regulus was leading James into the bedroom, lips never disconnecting as they both fell to the mattress.
The two boys spend the night twisted in bedsheets, drunk off of French wine and kisses, praying that August would never end, that they could stay there together forever.
———
August 5th, 1977
James woke up with a groan, head pounding from all of the alcohol that he had consumed. He slowly opened his eyes, wincing at the light illuminating the room, as he rolled over and found himself face to face with a sleeping Regulus.
“Holy shit!” James exclaimed, jerking awake and flying out of the bed, only to notice that he was butt naked. He pulled the sheets off of the bed in order to cover himself, causing Regulus to be pulled in such a way that he fell off the bed, smacking the hardwood floor with a grunt.
“What the hell?” Regulus yelled, standing up from where he had fallen, shooting James a glare that could kill. The younger boy was also naked, and the memories from the previous night hit James like a tidal wave.
“We had sex?” James screeched, doing his best to avoid looking at Regulus, who was making no effort to cover himself up.
“Don’t sound so disgusted,” Regulus snickered, stretching his arms over his head and proudly displaying the hickeys that littered his torso, “It won’t happen again, don’t worry.”
James’ face fell, disappointed for reasons that his sober brain couldn’t quite comprehend yet, as he finally made eye contact with Regulus. Grey eyes met brown ones, and all James knew was that he definitely wanted it to happen again. Before he could convince himself otherwise, the tan boy dropped the sheets and crossed the room in three strides, cupping the other’s face and smashing their lips together.
If kissing Regulus drunk was heavenly, kissing him sober was downright euphoric. James Potter was made to kiss Regulus Black, and nobody would be able to convince him otherwise. The shorter boy gripped James’ hips, whimpering as he attempted to pull them closer, and the two boys were on the bed again, a blur of hands and lips, touching and taking.
Soon, the wizards were laying on the bed panting, Regulus’ head propped up on a pillow while James’ hair dangled off the bed on the opposite end.
“I’m definitely queer,” James stated, breaking the silence and causing Regulus to laugh, and soon enough the two were sitting up and clutching their stomachs in hysterics, a few tears streaming from the pale boy's eyes as he doubled over.
“I should hope so,” Regulus giggled as he finally caught his breath, “If a straight guy was my best shag, I wouldn’t know how to cope.”
“I was your best shag?” James smirked, causing Regulus to lightly smack him with a smile so bright that it would put the sun to shame.
“Don’t get too full of yourself, I still have to go through the Ravenclaws,” Regulus joked, causing the smile on James’ face to drop, because Regulus wasn’t his, and never would be.
“Is it wrong that I don’t like the idea of you with anybody else?” James whispered, looking down at his hands, face flushing with embarrassment at the admission.
“Only if it’s wrong that the thought of you with someone else makes me want to scream,” Regulus replied as James looked up and saw the fear in his eyes, so raw and painful that James wished for nothing more than to be able to assure him that would never happen.
James would never make a promise that he couldn’t keep, so instead he reached out and wiped the tears from the pale boy’s cheeks, noticing how long his eyelashes were and how faint freckles dusted his cheeks and nose, but nowhere else.
“You’re perfect,” James breathed, and for the first time Regulus was the one to slot their lips together for a slow, sweet chaste kiss.
“Don’t you have plans with those blue birds of yours?” Regulus asked as he pulled away, remaining close to James and resting his pale hands on tan knees.
“I’d rather spend the day with you,” James smiled, leaning forward and reconnecting their lips.
And so he did.
The two boys spent the day together in bed, talking about everything and nothing at the same time, and James began to learn all of the things that made Regulus who he was.
Regulus despised dogs due to the fact that they were far too touchy for his liking. He loved reading historical stories, his favorite being Little Women. He loved Amy March, and while Regulus refused to say why, James could guess pretty easily. His best friend was Pandora Lestrange, a strange Ravenclaw girl who was the only person in the world allowed to call him ‘Reggie.’
In turn, Regulus listened intently as James told stories of his life. How he had spent all of his allowance on buying chocolates for Remus. How he and Sirius would pay Moaning Myrtle on visits every Tuesday after Potions, spending time with her so she wouldn’t get lonely. How James ensured Peter never felt left out, looping him in on all inside jokes and asking for his input on prank planning.
James learned that he loved being around the younger boy, and soon the days talking turned to nights spent together, wrapped up in eachother, afraid to let go, knowing that their days were numbered.
———
August 12th, 1977
James had completely abandoned his studies, committing all of his time to Regulus Black, who was currently curled up against James on the couch where it all began, allowing tan fingers to card through curly black hair.
“If I were a muggle, I think I’d be a Jew,” Regulus pondered, causing James to giggle, pressing a kiss to the pale boy’s forehead.
“I like the idea of being a part of something, united with people for a good reason,” Regulus continued, grey eyes lit up in the way that they always did when he talked about a subject he was passionate about, “Wizards are united because we can do magic, but everybody still has issues with each other for no good reason. Our lives are far easier than those of muggles, yet we go out of our way to make them harder. The Jews were kicked around for centuries, and still are, and yet they remain strong and have grown better because of it. Not to mention the fact that they formed traditions and ways to celebrate all they have overcome, while we just ignore our history and repeat it over and over again.”
“I’d argue that the Jews aren’t all Muggles,” James responded, giving the boy in his lap a soft smile as he continued, “No way the Ten Plagues wasn’t a type of blood magic, and I refuse to believe that the candles burned for eight days without a lumos.”
“You have so little faith,” Regulus chastised affectionately, peering up at James through his eyelashes with a smile. His infatuation with Regulus was growing deeper each day, and James knew it would lead to something much bigger, and far more terrifying.
James had never been in love before. He thought he was in love with Lily, but once he realized that he had never even had a proper conversation throughout the whole duration of his crush on her, which she pointed out the final time she rejected him, he knew that he had yet to find his first love.
James knew that Regulus could very easily be both his first and last love, but he was terrified. Terrified of what his friends would think, of what the world would think. However, the thing that he feared the most was that Regulus would leave him, and if he’d be able to survive the fallout.
It would be so much simpler to never fall in love with Regulus Black, but James wasn’t sure he could stop it from happening.
“Come with me,” Regulus said abruptly, pulling James from his spiraling thoughts. Regulus grabbed his hand, pulling him towards the back door.
“Where are we going?” James questioned as Regulus practically dragged him out of the house, walking down the grassy hill and towards the border of the anti-apparition wards.
“You’ll see,” Regulus grinned, as he pulled James out of the wards and turned on his heel with a crack.
They reappeared in a meadow surrounded by hills, ground covered with different types of flowers, with different kinds of birds frolicking in the grass. James’ eyes widened as he spotted a Jobberknoll, the whole reason he had come to France in the first place.
He turned to the younger boy with a smile on his face, said smile growing even larger when he saw the picnic blanket. All of James’ favorite desserts were placed on plates, ranging from Pumpkin Pasties and Treacle Tart to chocolate frogs and licorice wands. Standing amongst the desserts was Regulus, wearing a bashful expression on his face, cheeks flushed.
“You mentioned how much you love sweets, and I knew you hadn’t found any Jobberknolls yet and I-”
James cut him off with a kiss, smiling so hard that he was certain his cheeks would hurt afterwards.
“This is perfect Reg, truly,” James gushed, plopping down on the blanket and digging in, stuffing his face with far too many Pumpkin Pasties, overwhelmed with all of the possible food choices.
“I’m glad you think so,” Regulus laughed, sitting down next to James and reaching for a chocolate frog, leaning his head on the older boy’s shoulder. The two sat in silence for a while, content that they could just be.
“I’m gonna go study the Jobberknolls now,” James announced, standing up with a determined look on his face, causing Regulus to slump onto the blanket. Almost all of the desserts had been consumed at that point, mostly by James, and he simply couldn’t waste the opportunity to study.
“Have fun,” Regulus grumbled, eyelids drooping as laid on the ground, the sight being so downright adorable that James had to resist the urge to stay and cuddle with him.
With a sigh, James conjured a notebook and quill, charming it to not need ink before setting off in pursuit of the blue birds.
———
August 15th, 1977
After the picnic, something shifted between the two of them, although James couldn’t quite place what. Everything the two did together was so intentional, so sweet, that it didn’t quite match what was supposed to be their arrangement. It was supposed to be just a summer thing, so why did it feel like so much more?
Things all came to head that evening, when Regulus and James were curled up on the couch in front of the fireplace, shirtless. They were watching Star Wars on the Muggle television, and the two boys were enthralled.
“Darth Vader sounds so sexy,” James remarked, causing Regulus to giggle, leaving butterflies in James’ stomach.
“It must run in the family then,” Regulus smirked, motioning to Luke Skywalker, “I mean, if you look like this, imagine Monty-”
Regulus was cut off by the sound of the fireplace erupting in green flames, causing the two boys to spring apart, Regukus ducking behind the couch and motioning for James to get closer.
“Prongs!” A voice called from the fire as a head appeared, a bright grin on his face. Sirius Black had called him using the floo network, much to James’ excitement and horror.
“Padfoot!” James responded, sitting in front of the fire and crossing his legs, letting the excitement at seeing his best friend for the first time in two weeks take over, “How have you been?”
“I’ve been- ARE THOSE HICKEYS?” Sirius exclaimed as James looked down at his bare chest, cursing his lack of shirt. He could never curse the boy who left the marks, and quite frankly he was now quite certain that he had some sort of kink pertaining to it.
“Uhm, I guess?” James cringed, crossing his arms over his exposed skin, flushing red all over.
“You’ve been sneaking some bird around?” Sirius gasped, and at the look on James’ face, Sirius lit up with glee, “Is she there with you? Can I say hi?”
“No, no puedes saludar y no puedo hablar contigo porque tenemos que terminar una película,” James scolded in Spanish. James occasionally spoke Spanish at home with his mother when he wanted to have a private conversation, and upon arriving at Hogwarts he had taught Sirius basic Spanish so they could do the same.
“¿Es buena en la cama?” Sirius teased, causing James to grimace, knowing that Sirius would die if he knew that he was talking about his little brother.
“Es solo una aventura de verano,” James defended, gut churning with guilt, giving Sirius all he needed to continue belittling James.
“So she is!” The older Black brother snickered, receiving a glare from James that could rival one of Regulus’.
“Bye Sirius!” James groaned as Sirius laughed, head disappearing from the fireplace and green fading back into an orange. James turned to see Regulus poking his head out from behind the couch, a look of hurt crossing his features.
“¿Hablas español?” Regulus questioned, causing James to turn a ghostly white, knowing what the pale boy had heard.
“I swear that’s not what I meant,” James pleaded as Regulus summoned his shirt, hastily pulling it on.
“You meant to say that I’m a good shag, nothing more,” Regulus snarled, the layers that James had peeled away forming yet again, “‘Only a summer fling’ my ass.”
“You mean so much more to me than that, you know it Reg,” James protested, stumbling after the curly haired boy, “You make me feel things that I’ve never felt before, and I don’t even know how to explain it.”
“What do I make you feel?” Regulus asked, delaying his escape as he turned to face James, an eyebrow raised in disbelief, “Because from where I’m standing, it seems like the great James Potter just needed a boy toy to get him through the summer and over Lily Evans.”
James paused for a moment, mind racing. Did Regulus truly believe that James didn’t want him? That he wasn’t enough for James? It seemed quite ridiculous considering how perfect Regulus was, but in all fairness he had ended up as a second choice far too much for James’ liking.
“I love you,” James blurted, causing Regulus’ jaw to drop, clearly not expecting that. James hadn’t expected it either, but the words kind of just slipped out, and he couldn’t take them back considering he truly meant them. James Potter loved Regulus Black, and there would be no denying that.
“You can’t,” Regulus protested in a panic, eyes darting back and forth across the room as if somebody were watching, “We both know how this is going to end, James.”
“I love you, and I don’t care,” James rebuked, taking a cautious step towards Regulus, worrying that he would flee, “I’d rather spend only a month loving you than never getting to love you at all.”
“You’re impossible,” Regulus sighed, before closing the distance between them, giving James a kiss that spoke for Regulus, telling James the things that the pale boy couldn’t.
“I know,” James whispered as they pulled away from each other, foreheads pressed together.
“So, Spanish huh?” Regulus joked, and the two boys were back to how they had been before, with one additional detail.
Regulus Black and James Potter were in love, and it was too late to stop the heartbreak.
———
August 21st, 1977
“Sirius owled, he wants me to come back for the final week of Summer,” James mused from the kitchen, cutting up potatoes into small cubes, “He said that he and Remus made up, but I’m 80% sure they also shagged.”
“Ironic that both Black brothers are bent,” Regulus laughed, dumping a teaspoon of turmeric into a pan, putting the jar of orange powder back into the cabinet before moving on to the next spice, “Mother would throw a fit if she knew.”
“I told him that I’d be staying here, by the way,” James clarified, scraping the potatoes into a large bowl, “I said that I needed more time on my studies.”
“Well, studying is pretty important,” Regulus smirked, brushing his hand against James’ forearm as he passed by, searching for the coriander, “I’d study for the rest of my life, if I could.”
“What else would you do, if you could?” James questioned, cutting off the stem of a head of cauliflower, the ghost of Regulus’ touch sending shivers down his spine.
“I’d study languages if I could,” Regulus replied, measuring out the brown spice, “I already know English, French, and a bit of Spanish, and I’d love to learn more. I’d travel the world before settling down in a nice house on the beach, with my two cats. I’d be happy, of course, and I’d spend the rest of my days reading and teaching. That’s what I’d do, if I could.”
“I’d study magical creatures,” James responded with a sad smile, “I’d travel the world, preferably with somebody who could translate things for me, and maybe write a book about my findings. We’d get married, me and the linguist, and we’d have at least two cats, although I’d push for a dog and maybe a kid or two. We’d both teach at the same school, and we’d be happy. That’s what I plan to do, after the war of course.”
James felt a set of arms wrap around him, as Regulus hugged James’ back, head buried between his shoulder blades. He could feel the younger boy shake as the back of his shirt grew damp, and he dropped the knife in order to turn and properly embrace his lover.
“I don’t want you to leave me,” Regulus mumbled between sobs, allowing James to stroke his fingers through black curls, clutching him even tighter.
“It doesn’t have to be like this,” James responded, pressing a kiss on the top of the pale boy’s head, “You could stay at my house, my parents wouldn’t mind.”
Suddenly, Regulus pulled away abruptly, wiping the tears from his eyes in an attempt to compose himself.
“I’m taking the mark this winter.”
James walked out of the kitchen.
———
August 22nd, 1977
James heard a crack and sat up, wand in hand, before relaxing. Regulus had finally found him, and James resumed his stargazing.
After Regulus had broken the news, James had fled to one of the only places where he felt safe, their picnic spot. He had cried for hours in the meadow, scaring off the birds, before collapsing in a heap on the grass, staring up at the stars.
“I don’t want to take the mark,” Regulus stated, breaking silence as he walked over to where James laid, “But I have to.”
“You don’t though, that’s the thing,” James croaked, voice hoarse from yelling at the sky, “You don’t have to, yet you seem to have convinced yourself otherwise. It’s pathetic, you know.”
“I’m joining him because I think I know how to kill him,” Regulus said coldly, causing James to sit up and look at the pale boy, who was illuminated by the starlight, “The only way I can do that is by joining him.”
“Why didn’t you say something sooner?” James jumped up in excitement, all anger and sadness wiped away in an instant, “You can tell Dumbledore, I’m sure he’d help you out, and I can tell Sirius that you aren’t one of them, and we can-”
“We can’t tell anybody,” Regulus interrupted, the anger and sadness returning, “The Dark Lord is one of the greatest Legilimens of our time, and if anybody who knows is captured I will be killed. Telling you was a grave error on my part, but I’d rather die than live the rest of my life with you thinking of me as a monster.”
“I could help you, now that I know! I could take the mark too, I’m sure I’m more competent than the majority of his followers.”
“I’d never allow you to do that, it’s too risky,” Regulus scoffed, eyes cold like they were in school, “I’ve spent my whole life perfecting my Occlumency, it can only be me.”
“Please Reg, I can’t let you do this alone,” James begged, thankful that he had already cried away all of his tears, “I don’t understand why you won’t let me help you.”
“Because if I were to lose you, I wouldn’t be able to go on, and our lives would be pointless.”
“And you think I’d be able to go on without you?”
Regulus let out a laugh at this, a dark and joyless laugh, eyes flashing with something that James couldn’t place.
“You have people, Jamie. So many people. You’d be able to live for them, but the only person I live for is you. If I died, you’d still have Sirius, your parents, and the rest of your friends. If you died, I’d have nobody.”
“How can you expect me to leave you when you say things like that?”
“You know just as well as I do that you don’t have a choice.”
The two boys stared at each other in the dark, and Regulus finally allowed his walls to break down, tears welling in his already bloodshot eyes. James reached out and pulled Regulus in for a kiss.
Tongues danced together as the lovers poured all of their feelings into the kiss. James could feel Regulus’ anger as he bit his lip, sadness as the taste of salt filled his mouth, and love as the younger boy caressed his cheek, thumb stroking away tears that James thought he had run out of.
In turn, James kissed frantically in fear at the idea of what Regulus had to do, pulled them together in guilt over the fact that he would be leaving the pale boy to do this all alone, and gently rubbed his thumb over the small of Regulus’ back with love, knowing that it would never go away.
When the two pulled away from each other, James knew he looked a mess based solely on Regulus, who’s puffy lips and red eyes somehow only made him more attractive.
“Gorgeous,” James murmured as he grabbed Regulus’ hand, gently pulling him to the ground and laying back, resuming his stargazing.
“I’d point out Regulus to you, but I haven’t got a clue on which stars are what,” The younger boy laughed brokenly as he laid his head on James’ chest.
“I wonder what star I’d be,” James mused, beginning his favorite activity of playing with Regulus’ hair.
“You’d be the sun,” Regulus responded instantly, a small smile appearing on his face as he stared up at the sky, admiring its beauty, “Although I think that your spirit puts it to shame.”
“Not in the way your smiles do.”
“The one star fact I do know is that Regulus is the heart of the lion,” Regulus began, eyes lighting up as he remembered a fact of some sorts, “And that every year around August 23rd, the sun meets up with Regulus.”
“If only you were able to point out where,” James snickered, earning a smack on the arm as he continued trying to figure out which star was what.
The two wizards spent the rest of the night staring up at the sky, attempting to ignore the fact that their time together was almost up.
———
August 31st, 1977
James and Regulus spent their final week at the cottage basking in each other's company, although what had once been a joyful and giddy mood had turned to a somber one fairly quickly.
They completely dismissed the reality of their situation, and instead talked of hypotheticals. What they would do with their future together (travel the world), where they would live (Italy), and even what they would name their children (Pandora and Monty).
They also spent a lot of time lost in each other's bodies, forgetting their problems in their lover. James would cherish these moments forever, and he hoped that they would be able to recreate them after the war.
The end of the month crept up on them far too quickly, and now Regulus was helping James pack, searching the house for clothes tossed into corners and souvenirs from the trip.
Regulus insisted that James have his copy of Little Women, blushing when James read one of the annotations aloud. In turn, James charmed his favorite Gryffindor red hoodie into Slytherin green, so Regulus could wear it whenever he wanted without raising suspicion.
James could have sworn that time was sped up, as soon it was 11 o’clock at night, and Regulus was yawning mid conversation, attempting to convince James that he wasn’t tired.
James carried the sleepy wizard to their room, laying him gently on the bed before laying down next to him and holding him tight.
“Is this goodbye?” Regulus asked, eyes drooping as he attempted to look up at James, snuggling into his chest.
“I think it is,” James replied, chest aching as he held onto the boy he loved for what may be the last time, “I wish August would never end.”
Regulus pulled James down for a slow, sweet kiss, closing his eyes tight as he savored the moment, how kisses with Regulus still managed to give him butterflies after all this time.
“I love you,” Regulus murmured against his lips, and the dam broke, as the two boys began to bawl, clinging onto each other as if holding one another close would stop them from having to leave.
The two fell asleep that way, whispers of I love you filling the air as James Potter and Regulus Black finally broke each other's hearts.
———
September 1st, 1977
James woke with a start, sitting up abruptly and looking to his right, expecting to see his lover next to him. Instead, he saw a small indent in the mattress where Regulus had laid, and a feeling of dread washed over James.
“Reg?” James called, jumping out of bed and running to the bathroom, because maybe Regulus was showering. Instead, all of the hair care products had disappeared from the sink, and James knew that Regulus was gone.
James checked the time on the clock in the living room, which no longer housed a television, and upon realizing that it was already ten thirty, ran to get changed. He threw on a t-shirt and sweatpants, reminding him of what Regulus had worn only a month ago, before shoving his feet into a pair of red converse and levitating his trunk out of the cottage.
Other people may have reminisced about the home they had stayed in for the past month, but without Regulus it didn’t feel much like a home at all.
Once James escaped the wards, he apparated to the French border, quickly confirming his identity with a wizard by showing them his wand, before being escorted to a portkey, praying that he wouldn’t be late for the train.
James was spat out on platform nine and three quarters, thanking Merlin when he saw that the train had not yet left.
“Prongs!” A voice called out excitedly, and he turned to see Sirius, Remus, Peter and his parents all standing together, waving him over.
James forced a smile as he walked over, giving both of his parents quick hugs before boarding the train with his friends, who were too busy chattering about their summers to notice James’ tear stained cheeks and the smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.
“You alright?” Sirius whispered as Peter and Remus went ahead, reading him in a way that only the Black brothers could.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” James lied poorly, Sirius observing his face wearing a look of pity.
“Did something happen with August?” Sirius asked, and at the confused look on James’ face, he clarified, “I nicknamed your summer girl August, because I know you aren’t ever gonna tell me her name.”
“You’re right about that,” James chuckled dryly, running a hand through his messy hair, knowing that this is the closest that Sirius would ever get to the truth, “I just miss her, is all.”
“You’ll get over her,” Sirius said, slapping James on the back before running ahead to catch up with the other two Marauders. James was frowning at how wrong Padfoot was, before he walked right into the boy in question’s back.
“What the hell?” James muttered, and before he asked what was wrong, he saw the reason they had stopped.
Regulus Black, flanked by Barry Crouch Jr. and Evan Rosier, was blocking the hallway, lazily smoothing one of his curls as he looked at Sirius.
Regulus looked perfect, but not in the way James liked.
His curls were perfectly maintained, not a strand of hair out of place. The grey eyes that looked at James lovingly were cold, and his face was impassive, as if nothing had ever happened. As if August had never happened.
Regulus didn’t even look at James as he continued to stare his brother down, quirking an eyebrow questioningly.
“Do you…” Sirius trailed off, gesturing to his younger brother's left arm, letting everybody know what he was asking.
“Not yet,” Regulus drawled, gesturing at Barty, who stepped forward and pushed his way between Peter and Remus, clearing a path for the Slytherins.
“Yet?” Sirius grimaced, lip curling in disgust as Regulus followed his friend, giving Sirius a side glance, before continuing down past the compartments, without responding.
He still hadn’t looked at James.
“What a prat,” Sirius growled, opening a compartment door and allowing the Marauders to file in.
James found himself nodding, because as far as the rest of the world was concerned, James Potter was not in love with Regulus Black, and never would be.
So he would just nod, and pretend like it didn’t feel like he was receiving a hex in the chest every time he did.
———
January 5th, 1978
James looked across the great hall at the Slytherin table, searching for his curly haired sixth year. He had just returned from winter holidays at the Potter Manor with the Marauders, but all he could think about was the boy he loved.
To any other student at Hogwarts, nothing would seem out of the ordinary. However, James wasn’t any other student, and the moment he spotted Regulus, he knew.
His appearance was normal, and he looked perfect as always. However, more Slytherins were crowding him than usual, attempting to gain his attention. Regulus kept fidgeting with the sleeves of his robes, pulling them down every other minute, and James knew.
Regulus Black had taken the dark mark, and it was too late to back out now.
“I think he’s one of them,” Sirius whispered to him, attempting to sound disgusted when in reality James knew he was just scared for his brother.
“I think so too,” James sighed, throwing an arm over his friend’s shoulder, because he was the one who needed comfort, and not James.
At least, not that anybody knew of anyways.
———
February 14th, 1978
“Hey James, do you maybe want to go to hogsmeade with me?” Lily asked, eyes flicking up and down, voice small in contrast to her normally confident self.
“Sure, who’s all going?” James asked, smiling at the red headed girl in front of him.
“I meant just the two of us,” She mumbled, cheeks flushed the same shade as her hair, as she looked up at him.
James’ jaw dropped, eyes popping out of his skull. Of course Lily Evans finally asked him out when it was too late, when his heart already belonged to another.
But maybe he could make it work. Maybe he could love more than one person in the same way, maybe they could be happy.
So James said yes, and the rest was history.
———
August 23rd, 1978
James and Lily sat on the grass outside of their house in Godric’s Hollow, staring up at the stars. The two had moved in right after school had ended, joining the Order of the Phoenix and throwing themselves right into the thick of the war.
“I know you still love August,” Lily spoke into the night, and before James could turn and explain himself, she held a hand up, stopping him.
They resumed their stargazing, James searching for a certain star that he thought he’d never be able to find.
“It’s okay that you still love her,” Lily smiled sadly, looking at him with her beautiful green eyes, eyes that James had grown to love, just not in the same way, “I think I won’t ever stop loving Mary.”
James gave her a questioning look, signaling for her to continue.
“She’s the love of my life,” Lily said as she looked up at the stars, a single tear falling down her cheek, “I never told her before she moved to the States. I think I’ll regret that for the rest of my life.”
“Go to her,” James encouraged, a feeling of hope washing over him that he hadn’t felt in a long time, “It’s not too late, I’m sure she loves you too.”
“She’d never forgive me if I went to her now,” Lily said, voice cracking, “She’d come back and fight with me. For me. She’d resent me for it, and I couldn’t ever do that to her. I’d rather remain heartbroken than put her in a position like that.”
“I know what you mean,” James sighed, wrapping his arm around Lily and bringing her head to rest on his shoulder.
“I wish we’d gotten our happy endings, like Remus and Sirius or Dorcas and Marlene,” Lily whispered, voice still raw as she attempted to stifle her tears.
“Yeah, I wish we did too.”
———
1979
James was curled up on the floor, breathing heavily, tears streaming down his face as his throat hurt and his chest ached, his heart officially shattered to smithereens.
Somewhere, in a cave by the sea, Regulus Black thought of the sun for the very last time, calling for it as he took his final breath.
———
July 31st, 1980
James and Lily had both wanted a child, and although they didn’t love each other like they were supposed to, they decided that they wanted to love a child in a way that they both yearned to.
Harry Potter was born, and the only regret that James Potter had was that Regulus Black would never meet his son.
———
October 31st, 1981
James Potter felt the curse hit his chest, and he thought of the stars for the very last time, because now Regulus and the sun would be united in the sky forever.