There was a rule. Mostly for Remus, the lads would never change in-front of each other. James, Sirius, Peter and Remus all agreed, and have never broken this rule.
However, one day in second year, Sirius had a very bad cold. He was sweating but felt like he was freezing, then shivering but burning up. He felt tired and just didn’t feel good at all.
“You’re going to be okay padfoot?” Remus asked, kneeling down beside Sirius’s bed before he went to class. Peter and James had already gone, but Remus wanted to make sure that Sirius was alright.
“Yeah.” Sirius replied, in a low tone due to feeling tired and week. “You’ll be back in a few hours, and I want to sleep anyways.” He added, sniffling between his words.
“Alright mate, I’ll see you soon.” Remus stood up, standing in the doorway. “Feel better soon.” He added, before closing the door, leaving only Sirius in the dorm.
Sirius tried to fall asleep, but began to feel very hot. He decided to take off his shirt, revealing his back, stomach and chest, all covered in scars, some raised due to being deep, and some only light scratches upon his skin.
No one knew about Sirius’s scars, he knew how much Remus hated his own scars, which meant that Remus would probably hate Sirius for having them too.
Sirius hated them too, the angry red lines that they placed upon his skin, so he never spoke about them, nor showed them to anyone.
Sirius rolled over, his back facing the door, and kicked the blanket down to his knees, closing his eyes to try and sleep. Eventually, he fell into a light sleep, tossing and turning to try and avoid the warmth of his bed.
┊┊┊✧ ⁺ ⁺ °
After finally getting a free period from his classes, Remus decided to go to the dorms to check on Sirius and make sure that he was feeling okay.
He walked in quietly so that he didn’t disturb Sirius incase he was asleep, but stopped in his tracks beside Sirius’s bedside, as he looks at Sirius.
Sirius’s back, facing Remus, covered in an assortment of scars. Raised ones, dark ones, long ones, light ones, short ones, jagged ones, smooth and quick ones.
He stares in thought for a moment, as he realises there was only one place where these could have came from.
Walburga and Orion.
Remus felt an anger grow within his bones, but it was soon replaced by sadness and guilt, as he realised that Sirius didn’t trust them enough to talk about his scars with them.
It all made sense now, Sirius made that rule in first year, not just for Remus, but also for himself. The puzzle pieces clicked together in Remus’s mind, and he couldn’t help but feel a strong twinge of guilt for not noticing sooner.
“Siri” Remus whispered lightly, however Sirius didn’t move, just after falling into a deeper sleep.
“Pads” He said, slightly louder, but Sirius remained comfortably asleep.
“Padfoot.” He repeated once more, even louder this time, shaking Sirius lightly.
It took Sirius a moment to realise what was happening, but once he did he began to mumbling whilst pulling his shirt back on. “Oh, umm— Shit, hey.” He finished his sentence once his shirt was secure
“I thought you had class?” Sirius asked, trying to make Remus forget what he had just seen and prevent any questions that he knew would inevitably come.
“Sirius, you-“ Remus paused as tears began to prickle in his eyes, “You never told us.”
“Told yous?” Sirius asked, feigning ignorance, “About what?” He nervously chuckled, hoping that the subject would somehow change.
“Sirius, they’re from your parents. Aren’t they?” Remus asked, knowing that Sirius knew what he was talking about.
“It-“ Sirius sighed, trying to come up with the right words to say. “It doesn’t matter, Moony.”
“Sirius, of course it does.” Remus replied, his voice laced with the perfect mix of concern and care.
“Fine, whatever. Yeah they are from my parents, what do you want me to tell you? That my parents have literally tortured and abused me for my entire life?” Sirius’s eyebrows furrowed in frustration, followed by a small flash of anxiety. “Or how about how I have never showed you or anyone else because I know you’ll hate me because of them.”
“Sirius, you know I-“ Remus tried to reply, but was cut of by Sirius. “What about the fact that I am so insecure about them that I can’t even look in the mirror most days? How about the scar on my face, which I say is from quidditch, but is really from my parents?” Sirius’s voice was loud and full of hatred and hurt towards himself. “Is that what you wanted to hear?”
Remus took a moment, he knew that Sirius didn’t mean to lash out, but it was clearly a sensitive topic for him, especially whilst sick. Then he finally processed what Sirius had said.
“Wait, what?!” Remus’s voice was frantic with concern. “What do you mean I would hate you because of your scars?” He asked, confused at why Sirius would think that.
“Well you hate your scars, so obviously you would hate me because I have scars as well.” Sirius said, tears beginning to roll down his cheeks. “I have the same thing that you hate about yourself.”
Remus frowned, “What? No, no way Sirius.” He sighed, sitting on the end of the bed beside Sirius’s legs. “Yes I hate my scars, but that’s only because of how I got them. I would never hate you because you have scars.” He spoke gently, “But why did you never tell us?”
Sirius paused for a moment, taking Remus’s words in. “You-“ He paused, “You wouldn’t? I didn’t tell you because I hate them, they’re so ugly and-“ He choked down a sob, wiping his tears away.
“It’s okay, come here” Remus moved closer to Sirius, pulling him into a hug. At this moment, Remus couldn’t care less whether or not he got sick. He just wanted to comfort his friend.
“We love you, and as you always say to me, your scars make you look badass” Remus chuckled slightly as he pulled away, rolling his sleeve down and wiping Sirius’s tears away.
“Don’t, you’ll get sick” Sirius said, moving away from Remus slightly.
“I don’t care, as long as you feel safe.” Remus smiled, “You don’t have to hide your scars from us, Sirius.” He added.
“They’re so ugly Remus, like they cover my back, and stomach, and chest, and thighs, I hate them why can’t I just..” Sirius stopped, not wanting to hurt Remus’s feelings by what he was about to say.
“Why can’t you just be normal?” Remus finished his sentence, as if he was reading his mind. “Trust me, I think that about myself all of the time, but we can’t choose our family, or how we look can we?” He asked rhetorically. “We just have to embrace it, don’t we? It’s the only thing we can do.”
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.” Sirius said quietly, “I’m sorry, Moony.”
“Hey it’s okay, there’s no need to feel worried around me Siri,” Remus reminded him gently, “You’re going to be okay, we can word through this.”
Sirius nodded, rubbing his eyes once again. “Do you want to tell James and Peter yet?” Remus asked, but Sirius shook his head. “Not yet” His voice cracked, so he quickly cleared his throat.
“That’s okay.” Remus replied genuinely, “It’s one step at a time.”
Remus and Sirius both knew that this was going to be a long road before Sirius felt confident in his body, but Remus knew that he was going to try his best to help his best friend through it all.