Fifth Year
Lily had never expected to become friends with a Marauder, but it was hard not to like Remus Lupin. On the train ride of their fifth year, she was only mildly relieved that the Prefect carriage door had slid open to Remus - hair combed and badge pinned to his chest, a pleasant smile for her. Lily had been a little worried that Potter was going to get the badge. Despite being a show-off and arrogant troublemaker, he and Black were top of every class and Potter was popular and on the Quidditch team, and for some reason McGonagall liked him. It would be the kind of unfair universal twist that she would be stuck doing Prefect duties with him.
Instead, it was Remus who smiled at Lily despite her aloofness and asked about her summer with genuine interest. She had tried to be cold, but it was hard when it was sweet Remus, who always seemed to be more of a tag-a-long to Potter and Black, and less of a ringleader-type. He even gave Lily his last chocolate frog as they sat through the Head Boy and Girl (Frank and Alice, both Gryffindors which was a surprise) talk.
“I didn’t expect to be Prefect,” Remus said humbly. “But I suspect that Dumbledore hopes I can keep James and Sirius in check.”
“Can you?” Lily asked, one brow arched.
Remus shrugged but looked a little sheepish. “We’ll see?”
In those first weeks of fifth year, Lily found herself growing to like Remus. He had a Muggle mother and he and Lily could spend hours talking about Muggle music, books and films they had both seen over the summer. It made Lily feel a little less of an outcast amongst her Wizarding family peers. Remus was polite and soft-spoken, but he could also be sarcastic and charming, and Lily found herself enjoying their patrols together. The more she got to know Remus, the more she couldn’t understand why he was friends with people like Potter and Black. More than that, why he would want to date Black.
Everyone in Hogwarts was aware of Remus Lupin and Sirius Black’s relationship. Sometime at the end of their fourth year, Black and Remus had come into the Great Hall holding hands – Black smirking arrogantly and Remus pink-faced but smiling. Black and enthusiastically reintroduced Remus to everyone as his boyfriend and paraded Remus around like he was some accessory. Almost every living and dead soul in the castle had accidentally stumbled on them enthusiastically snogging in some dark corner or corridor. In the common room it was a common sight to see them curled up together sharing a seat, or Remus to be in Sirius’ lap, while they talked or played games of exploding snap with their friends.
Lily had been furious because everyone knew that Black had been dating Mary McDonald, Lily’s friend, right before Christmas, and that he had dumped her by letter over the break. Mary didn’t appear very upset; she had cooed over the new couple along with every other girl who wasn’t mourning that Black was now unavailable. When Lily tried to bring it up, Mary had laughed and said, “I wasn’t in love with him, Lily.”
Getting to know Remus, Lily had started to worry. Remus was so good, so sweet and funny, far too good for someone like Black whose ego was only rivalled by Potter’s. Remus just didn’t seem like the kind to like someone like Black, let alone be Black’s type, who was far too concerned with being popular and his hair to care for a person.
After a month of Prefect duties, Lily’s self-resolve to never speak about Remus’ friends or relationship snapped. Nothing in particular was happening. They were walking back to the common room when Remus had stuck a hand into his pocket and withdrew a folded piece of parchment, brow furrowed. Lily looked over his shoulder when he unfolded it to see elegant handwriting.
Dear Moony,
I miss you already. Have fun being the perfect, dorky Prefect you are, but not too much fun without me.
Love, Padfoot
PS. Don’t go down to the dungeons – Prongs
PPS. Can you bring back food from the kitchen – Wormtail.
PPS. Get off my letter, you gits! Love, Padfoot.
Remus was very pink in the face. Lily scowled and accidentally blurted. “How can you date him?”
Remus carefully refolded the note and slipped it back into his pocket. “Pardon?”
“Sorry” Lily said, not sorry at all. “I just…He’s so arrogant,” Lily said. “And annoying. And such a, a git.”
Remus chuckled. “Yeah, I suppose.”
When Remus didn’t say more, Lily dropped it. When they climbed in through the portrait hole, Sirius bounded over to Remus to kiss him senseless, messing up his robes as he reeled him in. It was obnoxious. Some girls cooed and Potter wolf whistled.
“Dear Merlin,” Lily hissed. “He was gone an hour.” But neither boy was paying attention. Lily turned on her heels and strode off.
Despite Remus’ terrible taste in boyfriends, Lily asked him along to her study group. It was an interhouse group of the more studious students which meant it was half-comprised of the Prefects. Lily had never managed to get Severus to join, who seemed to hate every other person in other houses but Lily. Remus had looked surprised but accepted, his smile shy and a little awed as if he didn’t expect to be included. Lily again wondered how such a sweet boy could be friends with the other Marauders.
On the second week of joining, Remus arrived in the library looking sheepish. “I’m really sorry, Lily.”
“What? Why?”
“Evening, Evans,” Potter said. He, Black and little Pettigrew had slipped in behind Remus. Black hooked his chin over Remus’s shoulder, surveying Lily with a shit-eating grin.
Lily had crossed her arms. “No.”
“Oi, Evans, free country,” Black said too loudly. Madam Pince turned and glared. “We’re here to further our educational endeavours.”
“No, you’re not.” Lily glared at Remus.
“Slander,” Black said.
Lily couldn’t actually kick them out of the group, and the others were happy for them to stay. Black and Potter were top of all their classes after all, so they were useful to ask questions of. The first hour went by with no instances, expect Potter shooting Lily obvious and hopeful looks down the table. After an hour, Black and Potter started getting restless. They were engaged in a silent but vicious flight of magicking paper balls to pelt each other on the head, Remus kept his head down, too engrossed in his essay to stop them. Black used one of the textbooks to deflect a large ball of paper that bounced off Lily’s head.
“Enough,” Lily whisper-shouted. “If you’re not going to study then get out!”
“We’ve finished all our essays,” Potter said, sitting straighter. “I could help you, if you like?”
“I don’t need your help.”
“I’m always available to be used by you, Evans,” Potter purred and a large, wet ball of paper thunked his glasses and slid down. “Oi!”
Black was grinning as Remus poked him and stood up. “Maybe we should go.”
Lily wanted to tell Remus she wasn’t kicking him out, but it was safer for all of them from Pince that he Sheppard the troublemakers away. As Black took Remus’ hand, she heard him say: “Since I’ve been so good, do I get a reward?” And Remus blushed and kissed his cheek, dragging him out.
The next night Lily waited for Remus in the common room to start patrols, but Potter came sauntering down the stairs. “Evening Evans, Remus is sick,” Potter said. “Said he’s sorry and all that. But if you need a walking partner, I’m free.” He smiled at her, ruffling his hair like a prat.
“If I see you in the corridors I’ll give you a month of detention,” Lily snapped.
“With you?” Potter said, but Lily ignored him.
At breakfast, Remus was still missing. Lily started to get a little worried, enough that she caught up with Black, Potter and Pettigrew in front of their double potions class.
“Where’s Remus?”
Potter, who had been whispering something to his friends, straightened up and grinned at her. “Alright, Evans?”
Lily ignored him and eyed Black. Black shrugged. “He’s sick.”
“With what?” Lily said, crossing her arms.
“With the weight of all his responsibility,” Black drawled.
“Prefect-itus,” Pettigrew squeaked.
“Prats,” Lily said, but Slughorn opened the doors and waved them inside.
Remus was back in class the next day. He did look peaky, with dark bags under his eyes. In History of Magic, he leant his head on Black’s shoulder and drifted off as Black and Potter took notes and Pettigrew looked dazed. Lily watched them as Black kept checking on Remus, careful not to jostle him as he wrote. Lily had never seen Black take notes before. What was more, when the bell rang, Black peppered Remus’ face with kisses to wake him up and Potter picked up Remus’ bag with his own, leading the way out as Black curled his arm around Remus’ waist.
Lily couldn’t help but notice how uncharacteristically sweet they were all being. Pettigrew had extra chocolates for Remus through Herbology that afternoon and Black kept glued to his side, James carrying anything of Remus’ that was heavier than a quill. But all those gestures, Lily realised, nobody else had noted because they were done in such a way as appear wholly casual as if it was such a normal occurrence.
That was something Lily couldn’t help but notice, too. The way that Potter and Pettigrew were so at ease about Black and Remus’ relationship. She would have thought that they would be weird about it, the way that Severus had been making snide comments until she had told him to stop. Or maybe Potter would be jealous that Black’s attention wasn’t all his with the way they acted as if they were conjoined twins. Instead, they appeared to be as they always were, only Black’s hands and lips were all over Remus, as if he was staking his claim, and Potter still made the same jokes and still whispered plans to Black or listened to Remus when he finally spoke up.
“Were your friends weird about you dating?” Lily asked one night.
She and Remus had just caught a pair of fourth year Ravenclaws pawing at each other behind a tapestry and watched them walk off.
Remus pulled the sleeves of his sweater over his hands. He always wore layers, Lily noted, even in the warmer months. She could see, peeking above the collar of his shirt, a dark hicky. “In what way?”
“Just that you started dating your best friend,” Lily pointed out. “Wasn’t that weird for them? Didn’t they react?”
Remus chuckled. “James said ‘about bloody time’, and then tried to give us a very inaccurate safe sex talk about how he’s too young to be an uncle. That was weird, yeah.”
Lily’s eyebrows shot up. “He wasn’t…a jerk?”
“No? They’re our friends,” Remus said, but there was a strange edge to his voice that Lily couldn’t decipher. “They want us to be happy. I know you don’t like them but they’re good people, Lily.”
Lily doubted it, but Remus turned the conversation back to their exams and Lily didn’t want to push because no matter what she said, Remus didn’t seem to understand how awful his friends were. The exams were breathing down all of their necks, and even Potter and Black were seen cracking open books in the common room. They didn’t re-join the study group, Lily suspected Remus wouldn’t let them, but she did spy Remus and Sirius studying together some nights. Remus was stressed about potions, his worst subject, and she saw Black quizzing him one night, giving Remus a kiss every time he got the question right. Remus had a dopy smile on his face, and Black looked too-satisfied with himself.
Then after exams things went strange.
Lily was still furious after the fight with Potter and Severus’ cruel jeer following their written DADA. The end of their friendship had been something she had been dreading all year. She was fast losing her first real friend to the brewing tensions outside of the Hogwarts’ walls and she didn’t know how to make it stop until it all blew up so spectacularly. Her friends didn’t understand how much it all hurt, so Lily had to muffle her crying into her pillow every night.
Then one morning Potter had punched Black square in the jaw in front of all of Gryffindor house. Black didn’t even react, had just let himself be thrown back by the force and anger of it. Potter was breathing hard, turned on his heel and marched off, Pettigrew scurrying after him. No body moved as they watch Black pick himself up, eyes bright, and slunk off.
Remus had been sick for three days during all of this. Lily had tried to visit him in the hospital wing, but Madam Pomfrey had barred her without reason. Then Severus had tried to tell Lily, again, his suspicion of Remus being a werewolf and his friends being involved somehow, but Lily was tired and angry over it all. She was worried about Remus, concerned despite herself for the Marauders, and angry at Severus. It was all too much, and Potter hadn’t even tried to hit on her the whole time.
At the end of term, Remus emerged for the Prefects’ End of Year party in the Charms room. Lily knew then, looking at him miserable and detached, that everything was true. She took Remus by the elbow and drew him away from the others as Professor Flitwick was entertaining them with a rousing story of how he and his classmates had charmed the suits of armour to sing the Hogwarts anthem with a jig as an end-of-school prank.
“You’re a werewolf,” Lily said quietly. “I know, and I want you to know I don’t think differently about you.”
Remus looked stricken, then sad, the little colour in his face draining away. “Did Snape…?”
“No,” Lily lied. Mostly, lied. She had suspected all year when Remus was constantly “sick” and she didn’t need Severus to confirm it. “What’s going on?”
Remus pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes squeezed shut. When he spoke, there was a tremble in his voice. “We…we broke up.”
Lily’s anger flared. “Because you’re a werewolf?”
“What?” Remus opened his eyes. They were shiny with unshed tears. “No.”
“Oh.” Lily frowned. “He knows?”
“Of course,” Remus said. He blinked hard. “It’s…it’s not that. Not really.”
Lily took his hand. It was cold and littered with scars but he had fine boned fingers. It wasn’t the hands of a monster, but a scared boy who was battling, silently. “I’m sorry, Remus. I really am.”
Remus squeezed her hand and a tear shot down his cheek. He hastily rubbed it away with his free hand. “Thanks, Lily.”
-
Sixth Year
Sirius Black was miserable. Lily had never seen such a wretched creature. It should have brought her glee but it was hard to feel like that when Remus Lupin was also equally as miserable.
Lily and Remus had exchanged some owls over the break, had even met up in London to go to Diagon Alley then a Muggle cinema, but they hadn’t talked about the breakup. At the Welcome Feast Remus had sat with Lily and her friends, away from the Marauders who were shooting him looks down the table. Potter wasn’t even bothering Lily, he looked more angry than sad, but didn’t approach Remus.
When they were dismissed to bed, Potter strode up to Remus and Lily alone, his face determined. “Alright, Moony?”
Remus smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Hey, Prongs.”
Lily didn’t leave, she stood by Remus’ side, glaring at Potter. Potter didn’t even look her way. “We all need to talk.”
“Yeah,” Remus said.
“He doesn’t need to talk to you if he doesn’t want to,” Lily snapped.
Potter finally looked at her, but he wasn’t grinning cockily or ruffling his hair. “This is Marauders’ business, Evans. If you’ll excuse us.” He took Remus by the shoulder but Lily stepped in his way.
“Remus doesn’t have to go anywhere he doesn’t want.”
“It’s fine, Lils,” Remus said. And he smiled at her. “Thanks.”
Lily watched them walk away until they were swallowed up in a sea of students. She was sick with worry all night until she saw Remus again at breakfast. He was seated with his friends and to her horror, next to Black. They looked normal enough, heads bent together over whatever hairbrained scheme they had, but Lily watched Remus’ face. He had dark circles under his eyes, but he looked happy enough. She eyed Black who was pressed into his side, pushing more bacon onto Remus’ plate and even kissing his cheek before they rose to head to class.
“Are you back with him then?” Lily snapped the question that night on Prefect patrol.
Remus tugged his sleeves over his hands. “Yeah.”
“Just like that?” Granted Lily didn’t know why they had broken up, but she suspected it was bad, from whatever Severus had tried to tell her end of last year. Bad enough Potter had decked Black, his best friend, although that seemed to have blown over as well.
“Not just like that.” Remus sounded tired. “It’s complicated.”
“He’s a horrible jerk,” Lily said. “You’re just letting him push you around because you, what, think you’re less than him?”
Remus stopped. He turned to face Lily and she realised she had overstepped. Before she could apologise Remus said, voice soft but firm. “It’s my business, Lily. Please, just let it go.”
But Lily couldn’t because she now considered Remus her friend and Lily was loyal to her friends. She now watched Black almost obsessively as Potter watched her. Black was glued to Remus’ side more than usual. He did a good show of laughing in that bark-like way of his, going along with Potter’s schemes and throwing taunts at the Slytherins, but he looked…smaller.
After a week of observing, Lily realised it wasn’t just Black who was hanging all over Remus, but Remus was being more affectionate than normal to Black. They were alone more often, walking the grounds or sitting quietly in the library. Black would look morosely out a window until Remus nudged him, or hugged him from behind, whispering into his ear until a smile would twitch at the corner of Black’s mouth and he would kiss Remus, cradling his face like he was precious.
Even Potter seemed more attentive to both friends. He stopped taking every chance to show off to Lily, and instead put his efforts into making Black and Remus laugh, or else sat quietly with them, letting them have their moments, Pettigrew forever in their wake.
On a bright October day, the students headed out for the first Hogsmead trip of the year. Lily and her friends went to Madam Puttifoot’s for tea, not-so-secretly giddy over the cutesy-Halloween décor of pink, singing pumpkins and charmed ice-mice that did little circles on their plates.
There were plenty of couples in the little store, but Lily saw Remus and Black instantly. They were at a window seat, Black had pulled his pouf around to sit next to Remus. There was a pot of tea on the table and two little cups. From their table, Lily could just about hear them talking.
“Look, see.” Black was twisting his tea cup up to Remus, who was smiling fondly at him. “This means we’re going to get married. After I become a world-class Healer, of course and you’re a brilliant teacher.”
Remus squinted at what Lily knew was soggy tea leaves. “Really? Because it looks like brown sludge.”
Black dramatically sighed. “No imagination, Moony. Look at that.” He pointed, leaning closer into Remus. “That’ll be the eight kids.”
“Eight?”
“Well, you know James wants seven, for a Quidditch team, so we have to one up him.” Black said cheekily. He kissed Remus, a little too long for public decency.
When they broke apart Black’s hand was still cradling Remus’ face. “OK, Pads,” Remus said softly. He turned his head to kiss Black’s wrist. “But we get a dog.”
Black scoffed. “Obviously.” He put down his tea cup and picked up Remus’s. “Look, same here. Married, kids, dog. Leaves don’t lie, Moony.”
Remus laughed and poured them more tea while Black put his hand on Remus’ thigh, leaning into his space again. Lily was distracted by Marlene and forgot to look over again.
Later, Lily saw them again with Potter and Pettigrew leaving the Three Broomsticks, flushed with butterbeer. Remus saw Lily and waved, which made Potter whip around and smirk at her, tussling his hair like he was a windswept hero off a romance cover. It was funny though because the way the light caught his face just so made Potter look dazzling, like he was spotlighted. Lily raised her head and walked on.
“James asked me to ask you if you’d like to come see his game,” Remus said later that week. They were packing up from study group in the library. Lily scoffed.
“What is he, five? I don’t need messengers.”
“I’m just passing it on,” Remus said. “I said you always go to Quidditch games anyway, but he wants to make sure you’ll be there.”
“I don’t go for him,” Lily sniffed.
“I also said that,” Remus smiled. “It’s the Slytherin match, they’re all on edge.”
They walked slowly back to the common room, enjoying the quiet of the near empty corridors.
“That rivalry is so juvenile,” Lily said. “Who cares who’s good on a broomstick?”
Remus shrugged. “They love it. Keeps them mostly out of trouble.”
“Mm,” Lily said. “I’ll go with you, not for Potter. And you can tell him that if you like.”
On that blustery Saturday, Remus and Pettigrew joined Lily and her friends in the stands. Dorcas was on the team, along with Black and Potter, who was Captain. Lily got on her feet to clap for Dorcas and ignored Potter’s hopeful face.
The game was brutal. Lily winced and hid her face as another Slytherin player bodily slammed Potter when he had the Quaffle, almost sending him tumbling ten feet. Madam Hooch’s whistle was like a symphony, and with each penalty the Gryffindors were getting charged up, the team looking like raging red and gold missiles. Black’s younger brother was Seeker for Slytherin, but Lily was shocked when he abandoned his search for the Snitch to dive in front of Black, causing his brother to have to pull sharply and actually fall.
Remus swore loudly, his face pale, as Black flapped through the air, halted inches from the ground by Hooch’s spell. The Gryffindors were hurling abuse but Black was back on his feet. Lily expected him to run at his brother, who was smirking down at him despite the tirade of abuse from the crowd, but even from the stands she could see there was a tortured look of betrayal and pain on Black’s face as Potter touched down next to him. Remus was chewing his nails, eyes fixed on Black.
“Is he OK?” Lily asked.
“No,” Remus muttered.
The game ended shortly after with Gryffindor winning two-hundred and ten to one-hundred, and more than one Slytherin player was being told off by Hooch. Black had stalked off the pitch, Potter on his heels. Remus and Pettigrew leapt up to follow.
Lily watched Remus run across the field to cut Black off. Black was still tense but he hugged Remus tightly, and Potter and Pettigrew piled on in a messy multi-body hug that staggered them sideways. When they finally detangled, Black looked softer. Potter ruffled Black’s hair, dodged his punch, and they all headed for the change rooms.
In Charms, Lily got partnered with Black in Flitwick’s attempt to split Potter and Black up and cause less distractions. She glared as he dragged his feet over to her table, dropping down into his chair to sprawl elegantly like some lazy lord. “Alright, Evans?”
Lily ignored him in favour of practicing her Portkey charm. They were meant to be sending their partners to the empty classroom across the hall. Black watched her with a weary eye.
“You hate me,” Black said abruptly.
Lily turned on him. “And?”
Black shrugged. “Well, you’re Moony’s friend and he’s a bit put-out by it.”
“I’m friends with Remus, yes, doesn’t mean I have to automatically like you.”
“I think Moony would like it if you put in a bit of an effort,” Black said sniffily. He pointed his own wand at the old boot and said, “Portus.” The boot glowed blue, rattling a little.
“Me?” Lily said. “What about you?”
“I’m always nice to you,” Black said. “When’ve I ever done anything to you?”
Lily glared. She felt all the anger and self-righteous fury for her friend bubble up her throat. “I know you broke Remus’ heart last year. I know he’s ‘forgiven’ you, but I know better, Black. You’re selfish, arrogant and conceited, and I know you’ve charmed Remus but I know that you’re only going to hurt him worse because that’s who you are.”
Black looked as if Lily had slapped him. His eyes went stormy and he grabbed hold of the boot, whirling out of the room. Flitwick was clapping but Black didn’t come back into class.
-
It wasn’t Remus who came to Lily after her outburst, but Potter. That night he cornered her when she was walking back from dinner in an empty corridor. He looked furious, his face pale as he stepped into her path.
“What’d you say to Sirius, Evans?”
Lily glared back at him, crossing her arms. “Nothing that wasn’t true.”
Potter’s jaw was set but he wasn’t yelling. “I know you’re friends with Moony, but you don’t have any right to interfere with his relationship.”
Lily laughed cruelly. “Isn’t that what you’re doing right now?”
Potter frowned. “I wouldn’t. I mean…if they’re being idiots than yeah.”
“You’re right, Potter.” Lily didn’t wait for that statement to catch up with the brainless idiot before she ploughed on. “Remus is my friend and I care about him. And I don’t care for Black, and I don’t care for him hurting my friend who doesn’t deserve it.”
“What’s Sirius done then?” Potter challenged. “He and Moony are happy.”
“Are they?” Lily said coldly. “For now, sure. I know you’re best friends with Black and you’ll stand by him no matter what he does, but someone has to look out for Remus. He certainly won’t do it and he’ll think you’ll all ditch him if he ever has to speak up for himself.”
Potter looked furious. Lily had never seen him so livid. His face was going a dark pink and his eyes narrowed at her. “You think I don’t care about Moony?” When Lily only glared back Potter puffed up. “What? You think I’m mates with Moony because I pity him or something?” His voice wasn’t rising but Lily felt like he was screaming. “You think I only hang around because he’s dating my brother?” If Lily’s blood wasn’t thundering so hard she would have scoffed and pointed out he and Black weren’t ‘brothers’. “You think I don’t give a shit about Moony? You don’t know me, Evans. I love Moony and Sirius, and I would do anything and have done everything I could for them.”
Lily opened her mouth but Potter talked over her.
“I was on Moony’s side when they broke up! I told Sirius he was an idiot, but you don’t know anything about it! Or him! You don’t know Sirius, and it’s rich of you to stand here acting like you do, telling me about my mates. Stay out of, Evans, and stay away from Sirius.”
Potter turned and stormed off, scaring a group of second years who scuttled out of his way.
Lily was still fuming, head pounding as she climbed through the portrait that night. Remus and Pettigrew were at a table alone, Remus helping Pettigrew with his homework with that kind, patient face of his. For once, it made Lily furious.
Her bad mood lasted through the week. Lily was avoiding all of the Marauders as much as one could when you shared classes and a common room. She stopped watching them and went back to doing her best to pretend they didn’t exist. She and Remus were still friendly but Lily kept it surface level.
Just before Christmas, Remus shyly handed Lily a wrapped gift of her favourite Honeyduke’s chocolates and she laughed as she gave him the same present. “Great minds,” Lily teased, and some of her frostiness melted.
In the new year, it was Lily’s birthday and her friends convinced her she had to have a party. “You’re going to be seventeen,” Mary said. “C’mon, Lils. We have to celebrate!”
Lily relented and the Saturday of her birthday week, she came into the common room to a cheer from the crowd, a banner spelling Happy Birthday, Evans Lily strung across the room, surrounded by balloons and self-popping confetti. All of the Gryffindor house had joined in. There was mountains of food and a three-layered pink frosted cake. People hugged her and everyone kept shouting out ‘happy birthday’.
The Marauders had contributed with cases of Butterbeer, and Lily was surprised to see Potter joining in with Remus to stop any student below third year grabbing one. Black was leaning on the back of a couch, Remus in the loop of his arms, talking to Potter. Remus caught Lily’s eye and detangled himself to walk over to her.
“Happy birthday,” Remus hugged her and Lily held on a little longer. She had already had her third Butterbeer.
“I’m old now,” Lily joked.
“Don’t look a day over sixteen, Evans.” Potter had sidled up. He hadn’t been as in-her-face since their row before Christmas, but he was smirking at her now.
“We have a present for you,” Remus said, nudging Potter.
Potter pulled out a silver wrapped square box from his robe pocket. He was still smirking but there was an edge of nervousness as he all but thrusted it into Lily’s hands. “It’s from all of us.”
It was a beautiful watch on a delicate gold band, only it had twelve hands and moving planets around the edges. “It’s a wizard’s watch,” Remus explained gently. “It’s traditional for wizards to get a pocket watch on their seventeenth birthdays, but we figured a witch shouldn’t miss out.”
“It’s beautiful,” Lily said, a little awed. She had never been given anything so extravagant before. “And too much, Remus.”
“We all chipped in,” Potter said, sticking his hands in his pocket and puffing up his chest. “Even Sirius.” He winked.
“She like it, then?” Black and Pettigrew had joined them. Black wrapped his arm around Remus’ waist and Lily couldn’t help but feel he was doing it to shove it in her face.
“Thank you,” Lily said stiffly.
“Anything for a friend of Moony’s,” Black said carelessly, but Lily didn’t miss the edge. “Moons, you said you’d play drunken snap.”
“Drunken snap?” Lily asked.
“Yeah, you have to take a drink when your card explodes in Exploding Snap,” Black said. “C’mon, Evans. I bet I’ll win.”
Black did win, everyone else much tipsier as he stood up to claim ‘his prize’, which he demanded was for Potter to streak to McGonagall’s office. Lily was laughing too much to even try and stop them, and maybe she caught a glimpse and it wasn’t the worse sight she had ever seen…Quidditch did have its uses after all.
-
Seventh Year
“No. You can’t be serious.”
“I’m not,” Potter grinned. “I’m James.”
Lily rolled her eyes at the childish joke. Potter was in the Prefect’s compartment of the train wearing the Head Boy badge. Remus was smiling, although he looked tense.
“Dumbledore is insane,” Lily said.
“Yeah, he is.” Potter sounded fond. He clapped his hands together. “Look at this, Head Boy and Head Girl…You know, Frank and Alice are married now, turned out well for them.”
“I’m going to end up doing all the work while he struts around and abuses his powers,” Lily said to Remus later.
Remus hummed. “I don’t think so. James responds really well to positions of authority; I expect that’s why he was chosen.”
“He likes bossing everyone around and lording it over them,” Lily snapped back. “He’s going to be a tyrant.”
But Lily was to be proven wrong, as it was. Potter turned up to every meeting, took the patrols alone (with some muttered protests), and even calmed down the blatant pranking. Black looked mournful for the first term, as if Potter had died. He insisted on wearing all black for a week, lamenting loudly about how he already lost Remus, he couldn’t lose James as well. He finally stopped when McGonagall gave him a night of detention in the hospital wing.
There was a different kind of mood to the seventh years. It was not only their last year at Hogwarts, but there was a war that was only growing darker outside their little bubble and it was harder to ignore as time slipped by them. Even the Marauders appeared to feel it, although they made valiant efforts to lighten everyone up. Lily let a few of their pranks go because even she could see that they were needed for some levity.
Lily and Severus had stopped talking. She saw him now surrounded by Slytherins, the kind that Lily knew were supportive of Voldermort’s continued reign of terror. Her heart ached and she pushed it down, focusing on her own life, which suddenly had a lot more involvement of the Marauders.
Lily accidentally found out about Black being disinherited by his family from Marlene. “It happened end of fifth year,” Marlene explained. “He ran away and has been living with the Potters. I heard his mum sent him Howlers all summer and had his brother and cousins spying on him.”
“Why did he run away?” Lily said. She imagined Black being as pampered as Potter.
“They’re horrible,” Marlene said, darkly. “My parents know them, kind of. His mum is insane, she tried to send Remus Howlers and curses when they started dating until Dumbledore had to intervene.”
Lily felt sick. She didn’t bring it up to Remus, not after all the tension it had brought between them when she had mentioned his relationship before. But she found herself going back to watching them all again.
Black did look much happier. Every week Potter’s mother sent each of the Marauders a parcel of sweets and they shared them with the other seventh year Gryffindors at break. Potter kept the Fizzing Wizzbees for Lily, which were her favourites and she took them begrudgingly. He had stopped asking her out at every opportunity, and instead was striking up conversations that were normal and almost pleasant.
“What is your game?” Lily asked him after a Prefects meeting that had not only gone smoothly but had been fun.
Potter looked startled. “Sorry?”
“Why’re you being…” Lily waved a hand at Potter, as if it explained how he had become not only normal but almost fun to be around.
“Ah, sorry?” Potter scratched the back of his head. “Am I doing something wrong?”
“No! That’s the point.” Lily shoved a Fizzing Whizzbee in her mouth.
Potter smiled. It wasn’t a grin or a smirk, but a real smile, the kind she had seen him bestow on his friends. “Some people might have mentioned I’m being, er, ‘a little much’,” Potter said. “I’m trying to reign it in.”
“Oh. Um. OK.” Lily scurried out of the classroom.
It was Black’s birthday in November, which Lily only knew because he insisted on having a party every year, dragging everyone into it and holding court. This year, Remus explained that they were all going into Hogsmead as it was on a weekend, and she was invited.
“Black doesn’t like me,” Lily said.
“He does,” Remus said. “He’s really not a bad person, Lily.” He fidgeted with his cardigan. “I would like you to come.”
Lily caved and she and her friends met the other seventh year Gryffindors on the Saturday. His friends had made Black an obnoxious sash he wore with dignity over his leather biker jacket. He and Remus, in his denim jacket over a sweater, made an odd but sweet looking couple. Potter looked happy to see Lily, and she even chatted with him on the walk, the party stopping to wave to Hagrid who was out on the chilly lawns.
Somehow Black talked Madam Rosemerta into giving them all shots of Firewhiskey. It burned through Lily and left her breathless. They commandeered a group of tables at the back of the pub, all loudly talking over each other and toasting at random intervals to Black. Lily found herself squeezed in between Remus and Potter, Black on his other side. Down the table she saw Pettigrew flirting with a round faced Hufflepuff girl.
“You’re wearing the watch,” Potter said.
Lily had pushed up the sleeves of her jumper, feeling flushed and a little lightheaded from the second shot of Firewhiskey. She had been wearing the watch every day since her birthday. “Oh. Yes.”
She turned her wrist so Potter could see it. Potter’s fingers ghosted over her arm and Lily shivered. “It really suits you.”
“Oi, James!” Mary called cheerily. “Aren’t you going to give Sirius a speech?”
Everyone started to thump their hands on the table, chanting “speech, speech, speech!” Potter stood and waved them down to quiet. He raised his half-empty tankard and they all did the same. Black was smirking up at him expectantly.
“What can I possibly say about our dear Padfoot that hasn’t been said?” Potter said. And then his voice dropped into a serious tone. “Well, he’s my best mate. The most loyal companion.” At this the other Marauders laughed. “A true Gryffindor.” He looked almost choked up. “He’s my brother, and none of us Marauders would ever survive without him. Glad you’ve made it, Pads.”
They cheered and drank to Black, who looked a little pink as he hugged Potter in a bone-crushing embrace. Lily felt an unexpected lump in her throat. She blindly reached out and took Remus’ hand under the table, who squeezed back.
When it was getting late and they were cutting curfew fine, the group trooped out and back up the muddy road to the castle. Lily lagged behind and let Potter casually swing back to fall into step with her.
“I’m glad you came,” Potter said.
“Me too.” Lily smiled at their feet. “You’re a good friend.”
“Yeah, well.” Potter sounded a little embarrassed as he rumpled his hair.
It was the alcohol, Lily told herself, that made her blurt out: “I’m sorry for what I said last year. About saying you didn’t care about Remus.”
James smiled and it was soft and fond. “I don’t even remember, Evans.” He tilted his head. “Your cheeks are all flushed.”
“Ah.” Lily touched her cheek, which felt warm against her chilly fingers.
“You look beautiful.”
Lily went as red as her hair.
It was totally unfair that all of Lily’s valuable attention was back on the Marauders. They were as they had always been, a little island onto themselves. Lily wondered if a relationship outside of them could ever actually work. Maybe, that’s why Remus and Black had stayed together, no one else could come close to them. She watched as they continued on, teasing each other but showing support in all kinds of ways.
Before the Christmas break, Potter stopped her at the end of the Prefects meeting.
“Happy Christmas, Evans.”
“Happy Christmas,” Lily said.
“Ah, I was wondering…” Potter trailed off and scratched at the back of his neck, a tick she was learning came when he was apprehensive. “If maybe, after the break, if you’re not too busy…”
Lily’s heart had picked up a quick kind of gallop.
“Maybe we could go a date?” Potter winced as if he expected her to start hexing him.
Lily nodded. “Sure.”
“Really?” Potter perked up, a grin splitting his face. “Yeah? OK, great! Amazing, I’ll…I’ll owl you. Over the break?”
“I’d love that.” Before Lily could stop herself, she darted forward to press a quick kiss to his cheek. “Bye.”
-
James sent her flowers on Christmas day. They filled her childhood bedroom with a sweet perfume and Lily sighed and longed to be back at Hogwarts. They had exchanged a few brief owls over the break and Lily found James was…funny. He detailed his homelife with his parents and Black, how Black had bought a motorbike and was trying to figure out how to enchant it to fly. He told her about the family traditions of making biscuits and going into the local Muggle village to watch Carollers, and how his parents had insisted that he and Black couldn’t open any gifts until Christmas, although they had managed to unwrap and re-wrap them all.
Lily in turn told James a little about her icy-relationship with her sister, who had a new boyfriend Vernon, who was horrible. She told him about decorating the tree and how excited her parents had been for the enchanted, singing tinsel she had brought home. They went to her mother’s aunt’s for Christmas Eve dinner and about how lonely it felt being the only non-Muggle sometimes.
Lily also exchanged more owls with Remus. His dad was sick and Remus’ letters were short and skirted around it. On Boxing Day he wrote to tell Lily his father had passed. Lily offered to come to the funeral and Remus had told her it would be fine, but Lily convinced her parents to let go to Wales for a few days.
The Potters and Black were already there, Pettigrew would come the next day for the actual funeral. The Lupin house was a tiny two-bedroom cottage in the countryside, surrounded by lunch green hills and forests. Mrs Lupin was as warm and as generous as Remus. She was a tall, thin woman with greying hair and lines around her eyes, someone who had dealt with more than her fair share in life.
Lily couldn’t believe she was meeting James’ parents before they even went on a date. They were older than Lily expected, and warm and friendly. Mr Potter’s hair grey and slicked back, and Mrs Potter beamed at Lily, pulling her into a warm hug.
“You must be Lily. You’re as beautiful as my son sang about.”
“Mum,” James whined, but Black grinned and egged her on.
“Don’t forgot how clever she is,” Black said earnestly. “Smartest witch…”
James tackled Black and they play fought on the floor of the Lupin’s living room until Mr Potter, laughing, spelled them apart.
They all had dinner in the Muggle village pub as there was so many of them. Lily watched as Black sat between Remus and Mrs Lupin, looking much more serious as he chattered with her.
“He’s on his best behaviour,” James whispered to Lily.
“Does Mrs Lupin not like him?”
“Oh, she loves him,” James said airily. “But Sirius gets in his head about how she knows he’s shagging her son.” James snickered and Black, as if sensing what James said, glared at him.
Mrs Potter offered to get Lily a room at the pub where they were staying, but Lily felt terrible imposing on them. She stayed on the couch at the Lupin’s while Black bunked with Remus. Lily couldn’t sleep and got up to make tea, only to be startled to see Black in the kitchen, filling a kettle.
“Can’t sleep?” Black asked.
“No, I never can in unfamiliar places.” Lily sat at the small, scrubbed table in the centre of the room. Black moved around as if he was familiar with the place, tapping the magical kettle and finding teabags. “Is Remus OK?”
The kettle whistled and Black poured it out into three mismatched mugs. He handed one to Lily. “We’ll take care of him,” Black said. He hesitated and then sat down. He looked uncharacteristically serious. “What’re you doing with James?”
“Are we really having a ‘what are your intentions’ lecture?”
“Yes.” Black drummed his fingers on the table. “James is mad about you, and now you’ve gotten his hopes up so high.”
Lily frowned. She wanted to snark back but hadn’t she also had a go at Black about his relationship with Remus? And here he was, in the Lupin house, making tea for Remus on the eve of his father’s funeral, being nice to his mum who was a Muggle and still having a mind to take care of his friend.
“I don’t hate him,” Lily said honestly. “I do like James and I…I don’t want to hurt him.”
Black nodded. He stood up and picked up the two cups. “That’s all I ask.” And he strode off on light feet.
-
Remus was a little quieter when they got back to school, but he was surrounded, almost bombarded, on all sides by love. Lily spent all her free time with the Marauders. James still beamed at her every morning they walked together to the Great Hall for breakfast, holding hands and blushing a little. Up close, it was so hard not to see all of the love they shared, which they had selflessly and effortlessly extended onto Lily, drawing her into the folds until it felt like she had always belonged there.
Sirius made sure Remus ate all of his food. He fussed and got cross if Remus tried to insist, he wasn’t hungry before a full moon. James would gang up on him with Sirius, and drag Lily into it until Remus would curse (which Lily was surprised to find he did a lot of) and stuff a whole strip of bacon into his mouth, chewing and glaring.
“You’re so elegant,” Sirius drawled, wiping grease off the corner of his mouth. “The epitome of grace.”
“Fuck off,” Remus said when he swallowed.
“You hear those sweet nothings, Lily?” Sirius said. He put a hand over his heart and pretended to swoon.
“You’re very lucky,” Lily said. “James, stop stealing Peter’s toast!”
“What’s the plan today, gentlemen?” James asked. “And lady.” He kissed the corner of Lily’s lips and she ducked her head, smiling.
“I need to study,” Peter moaned. “McGonagall has already threatened to turn me into a toad if I don’t pull off that colour changing spell tomorrow.”
“We’ll practise on Padfoot,” James said. “He’d look fetching with pink hair.”
“Mm, maybe vomit green,” Lily said.
“Violet.”
“Yellow!”
“Oi, don’t you bloody touch my hair,” Sirius said, holding up a butter knife. “It’s the only thing that keeps Moony around.”
“That’s not true,” Remus said. “You also have all that money now.”
Sirius jumped on Remus, upending his empty plate and trying to tickle him. The others laughed as Remus squirmed away, accidentally kicking Peter.
“Our friends are very immature,” James said to Lily.
“Undoubtably,” Lily said. She leant in to whisper in James’ ear. “We should turn Sirius’ leather jacket pink. Rhinestones!”
James’ eyes danced with glee and he kissed her, hands cupping her cheeks. Lily couldn’t even remember what it was like to not be friends with the Marauders.