Moons
The next morning, Remus woke up before everybody in his dorm. He felt guilty about the way he lashed out the night before, but wasn't going to apologise. He walked into the great hall and scoffed down breakfast before the hall started to fill up with chattering students. Remus went up to the common room afterwards and sat by the fireplace, with a basic book in hand. He had read that book fifty-two times. He was halfway through chapter seven when emerging footsteps made him jump. The full moon was three days away and he was developing more sensitive hearing than usual. Remus slyly turned his head around, peering over his shoulder. Sirius was stood there with a deep, regretful frown and holding a letter.
He handed Remus the letter, whom cautiously accepted it. Sirius moved to stand in front of him, fidgeting with his fingers as he did so. Remus carefully opened the letter, subconsciously poking his tongue out as he did so. He could sense James and Peter around the corner, their breathing was steady as they were obnoxiously eavesdropping. Although this irritated Remus, he decided not to draw any attention towards it. Remus neatly folded the paper over the top of itself, and took a while to read it, having it contain lots of words he didn't understand.
To Remus,
I'm really really SUPER sorry for what I did yesterday. I shouldn't of read your letter, it was inconsiderate and not empathetic of me, I understand if you want nothing to do with me, but please try to forgive me :(
From,
The guy with the best hair
Remus skimmed the letter a few times before nervously passing it back to Sirius. Anxious he would say the wrong thing, he just shrugged and said quietly, "It's fine," He glanced back at James and Peter who were hiding behind the corner for a split second, before averting his gaze back towards Sirius, "Just please don't do that again." Sirius nodded excitedly and sat next to Remus, but Remus hurriedly shuffled away. "I'm still not aloud to have any friends. Sorry." Sirius sighed deeply before energetically jumping up on the sofa and nodding to himself, deep in thought. Remus stared at him, confused and starstruck.
"I see, so I'll have to keep annoying you before you're convinced!" Sirius was very set on his decision now. Remus shook his hands in the air, showing he wasn't on board.
"That's not what I-"
"Quiet, young Remus." He put a finger to Remus' lips, and Remus sighed deeply, whilst shutting his book and getting up to go to his room, causing Sirius to slip forward. He passed Peter and James on the staircase, who panicked and tried to act natural, doing such an awful job at it that it was almost humorous. When Remus was at the entrance of the dormitory, he sighed deeply before deciding to do what James and Peter did instead of leaving it. Remus hid around the corner, listening in on their conversation. It was a selfish decision, he knew, but he still thought he'd be better off knowing what they were saying after he left.
"I'm determined now!" Sirius exclaimed to James, Remus couldn't see his face but he assumed he had that glistening look in his eye that he usually did when he was excited. Remus heard James chuckle softly, Remus wasn't very fond of any of them, but James seemed like the most tolerable out of the lot. He was far too energetic for Remus to ever actually socialise with, but Remus would rather energetic than invasive anyway.
"Alright mate, but it doesn't seem like Remus wants to be friends with you." James' words stung, he was right, of course, but they still hurt. Another person who knew Remus was a freak who could never have friends, he thought.
"Yeah, he seems like a bit of a weirdo." Peter whispered to Sirius, but Remus' heightened hearing allowed him to hear this. It struck Remus in a way he didn't think possible. Everyone had always thought he was a weirdo, but hearing it out loud was a completely different perspective of it. Sirius said something, though, that Remus had never expected to hear somebody say.
"Don't say that, Peter." There was a clear fury in his voice, and he spoke in a defined, well bred tone. "He's not a weirdo, he probably doesn't remember, but we've met before." Remus perked up at this, and his ears twitched. "When I was four," James and Peter settled in, the ruffle of their clothes against the leather of the sofa made Remus' skin itch, "I was in a book store, a muggle one. This boy, he was wearing this Navy uniform-the same one Remus wore on the train, didn't even look like he grew out of it. My mother was telling me off, disciplining me, when Remus came up behind me. He defended me, which I didn't think was possible. And she didn't even punish me that night. I just thought he was just another muggle boy, but when I saw Remus in that compartment, I realised who he was." Remus hurriedly rushed into the bedroom, he felt so guilty it was eating his conscious alive. After that speech, Remus knew he should give Sirius a chance, but first he had to consider the dangers of friends.
Remus grabbed a lose piece of parchment and began hurriedly scribbling pros and cons of having friends, specifically befriending Sirius, Peter and James.
Pros:
-they seem fun
-they like pranks
-they might not mind my condition
-Sirius knows me (kinda)
Cons:
-they'll notice if I disappear
-people (ew)
-they might find out
-they'll want to talk
-they already think I'm a freak
Once he had finished the list, he saw the cons outweighed the pros. Remus sighed heavily to himself, he was used to having no friends, so he didn't know why it bothered him so much. Remus scrunched up the paper and threw it in the bin, it landed inside of it perfectly. Footsteps approaching made Remus jump out of his skin, and so he decided to make his way downstairs and explore the castle. He passed Peter, whom Remus couldn't resist the urge to flip off (which made Sirius snicker), and then made his way around the castle.
Now that he would be alone, Remus decided that he should find some secretive locations where he could hide from others, specifically Sirius, who sought out Remus' company after an incident which Remus didn't even remember. Remus found many hiding places around the castle, his personal favourite, though, was a secret room which was behind a tapestry nearby the Ravenclaw common room. It had a desk, an empty bookcase, a few chairs and some old books. There was dust everywhere, which made Remus sneeze, but it was still a good napping spot.
Remus found himself dozing off there frequently, and he snuck off to nap in that secluded passage everyday from then on. He would exit the dormitory at five in the morning (as to avoid any conversation with his dorm mates), eat his meals in the kitchen with the house elves, and then go into his secret room and nap. Nobody had ever disturbed him there, at least until the day of the full moon. Remus was sleeping peacefully, his head rested on the rustic desk, his school jumper rolled up and being used as a pillow and his school blazer being used as a blanket. He was happily napping, when he felt a tap on his shoulder. Remus jolted awake, defensive.
He was shocked to see Sirius, James and Peter stood next to him. "You alright, mate?" James chuckled light-heartedly, but he shouldn't have been interrupted on a full moon. Remus looked as unwell and malnourished as he did on the first day of school, which he'd now come to understand was the result of him being overwhelmed. Remus placed a cold hand on his rapidly beating heart, and his breath quickened. James swung a chair next to Remus, and instructed Sirius and Peter to leave them both alone. "What's wrong?" James asked, concern etched across his freckled face. Remus sniffed, trying to find the words to describe his feelings of stress and overwhelm.
"I'm just so, tired." Remus admitted, his voice trembling. James put a comforting hand on Remus' upper thigh, and ruffled his curly, brunette hair, which was growing at a slow place. James chuckled light-heartedly, and Remus noticed the way James' hair stood up at the back, and for some reason, it made him feel more comfortable around him. James held out an altruistic hand, and Remus didn't know why, but he graciously took it. Remus walked back to the dorm with the other boys, leaning slightly on James as he struggled to not collapse on the floor, under the influence of the approaching full moon. Remus let a few quiet yawns escape his lips, which caused Sirius to chuckle softly, hinting that he was enjoying Remus' company.
When they arrived back at the dorm, Remus lay in his bed, falling asleep almost instantly after he thanked James. Once he awoke, he found that he was alone in the room. This was how he wanted it, though. He still couldn't be friends with them, even though they had helped him get a comfortable and secure napping area, but it didn't feel the same. Remus couldn't help but feel pathetic by the way tears welled up when James spoke to him with respect, and with this, he got up, and began looking for a different spot.
Remus decided to search one of the security corridors, which were just lengths of halls that lead on forever, just like the worries that clouded Remus' mind in that moment. He'd like to think the following events happened due to the upcoming full moon, but it definitely was of his own free will. The same greasy haired boy from sorting came rapidly around the corner, and he was accompanied by an infamous Slytherin named Mulciber. "What do we have here? A filthy mudblood." Remus gave him a confused yet judgemental gaze, as he didn't know what that meant, which made the greasy haired boy snicker. "Come on, Severus. Let's put this filth where he belongs."
Severus raised his wand, and mumbled a spell under his breath. He spoke in a voice that sounded as if he was pinching his noise and speaking at the same time. The spell made Remus' whole body tighten up, and he felt as if he were trapped, or being bound by robes. Helplessly, Remus squirmed and grunted, which only made the (invisible) robes tighten. Remus saw out of the corner of his eye that the sun was setting, it was a gorgeous, breathtaking sight. The mixture of deep oranges and bright yellows which shone in a together made a haze of beauty, they shone onto the castle, reflecting off of Remus' hazel eyes. Suddenly, it dawned on Remus, like the sunlight which was overcast on the ancient castle, like a puzzle piece being put into place. It's a full moon tonight.
Remus began squirming and resisting even harder, Severus and Mulciber chuckled, but Remus was panicking. Although, Remus did have somewhat of an edge. It seemed that the two Slytherins didn't know not to mess with a werewolf around a full moon. As Remus struggled against the tight bounds which restricted his escape, a thousand feelings and thoughts rushed through his head. If his secret got out, Dumbledore was sure to expel him at once. So of course, Remus took the initiative. He still had one body part which he could move, and so he took a hard swing backwards, and head butted Severus right in his abnormally sized nose, causing it to bleed like a volcano that wouldn't stop erupting. Because of this, Severus' concentration was lost, and Remus was free. Remus flopped to the ground like a helpless puppy, but he didn't care. He only had one priority now; to get to the hospital wing.
Remus darted down the corridor, and turned a sharp corner causing him to accidentally meet eyes with Sirius who appeared to have seen that whole thing. Remus wasn't bothered by this one bit, he continued to run across the school, leaving all his troubles in the tracks which he left behind as he ran. Running made Remus feel free, like he had never felt before. He had just wished he could be running for better circumstances than attempting to avoid murdering the whole school. When Remus finally arrived, the nurse, Madam Pomfrey, scolded him for being late. She seemed like a kind lady, she had a few wrinkles but other than that was quite young for her profession.
The nurse lead Remus outside school grounds, towards a tree which seemed to have a mind of its own. It recklessly swung its branches around at anything which came near it, except inanimate objects. Because of this, Madam Pomfrey used magic to levitate a stick towards the trunk of the tree, and lightly tapped a particular area on it. Remus memorised this exact spot, just in case. She then lead him through a passage which was inside of the tree, and Remus followed her closely. She lead him down a long, narrow corridor which was composed of tightly compacted branches that twisted, curved and weaved into each other. At the end of the corridor, was a trapdoor which lead into an old, run down, wooden house. It had an eerie atmosphere, and just the presence of being in there gave Remus goosebumps.
"I'll be here first thing tomorrow to heal your injury's and bring you back," she broke eye contact and covered her mouth, choking back tears. Remus hated when people cried on his behalf, not only did it make him uncomfortable, it made him feel guilty and unworthy. "Good luck." She finally choked out, causing Remus to have to fight the urge to roll his eyes.
"You better go." Remus sat on the bed, and stared at his shoes, hyperventilating. Madam Pomfrey gave a final, pitiful wave. Remus wanted to throw up. He immediately began undressing, when he transformed his clothes got ripped, and he definitely couldn't afford anymore clothes. He started to feel like something was lurking beneath his skin, about to take control, causing sweat to drip from every pore in his body. Remus felt his face heating up, as if he'd been trapped in the wrong body. Finally, Remus could feel his bones reconstructing themselves, and morphing into something far from human. Unbearable, indescribable pain shot through his body every second, it was as if he was being shot by a thousand bullets all in the same place.
After that, it was a blur. All Remus could remember, was waking up, on the cold, hard, floor, with blood oozing out slowly and antagonising from a deep cut which had been self-inflicted onto his chest. His crippling affliction had caused the wolf to attempt suicide multiple times, and this was one of those examples. Remus dragged his almost lifeless body across the floorboards which stuck out slightly, splintering his hands as he went. He grabbed the sheet off of the bed, which he had removed before transforming in case of emergency, and applied thorough pressure to the wound. Madam Pomfrey came rushing in promptly, with a wand in her hand. "Oh dear, oh love. It's alright. Bad night, I see." She cradled Remus in her arms, brushing his hair with her fingers. Remus couldn't help it, he burst into tears, and he sank into her arms, feeling her warm embrace was a soothing feeling, it was the closest he'd ever felt to having a mother. She tutted and fixed up his wounds with a quick spell, before escorting him back to school grounds (after Remus had insisted that she not use a stretcher).
Remus made himself comfortable in the hospital bed, and Madam Pomfrey drew back the curtains. "Can you help me understand why it was so bad last night?" She didn't speak in a demanding tone, yet Remus felt inclined to answer her.
"Your scent was fresh, the wolf could smell it. He probably got frustrated after he couldn't find you, and just decided to end it all." Madam Pomfrey didn't respond to that, instead, she placed a comforting hand on Remus' arm, and rubbed her thumb carefully against him. Remus gave her a warm smile, and she gave him a sleep drought, which Remus eagerly chugged.
He awoke a few hours later, and was delighted to find that Madam Pomfrey had left him a meal on the table which was next to his bed. Remus smiled at the consideration she had put in for him, and he enjoyed the meal. He decided afterwards that he would go up to his dorm, classes would start in a few days so he wanted to get a head start on the textbooks. When he entered the common room, there was a few six years doing some early revision, two third years planning a prank and three second years laughing about something. This was too many people in one room for Remus' liking, so he immediately head up to the common room.
Although, he was unfortunate enough to run into his dorm mates. They were all sat in a circle on the floor, playing some sort of wizard game (Remus assumed). As soon the door creaked open and Remus step in, Sirius perked up like a deprived puppy. "Where were you?" Sirius had clear concern in his voice, and Remus just sighed obnoxiously and took a step back.
"Just at the hospital wing, I wasn't feeling well." Remus was soft spoken, but still overly defensive. Sirius placed his hands on his hips and sighed deeply, shaking his head.
"Well that's no good! How will you help us plan our next prank if you're sick?" Sirius raised an eyebrow, peaking up at Remus to see if he looked intrigued. Remus sighed deeply and flopped onto his bed, he didn't have enough energy to deal with Sirius in that moment. Finally Sirius sat next to him, perched neatly and respectfully at the end of Remus' bed. "I saw how you hit Snivellous yesterday! So cool!" Sirius exclaimed, with a sparkle in his eye. He jumped up and sat on his own bed, which was, unhelpfully, right next to Remus'. Remus put his hand on the curtain of his bed, and furrowed his brow.
"I'd appreciate if you didn't spy on me." And with that, Remus tugged the curtain shut, loudly to prove a point, and fell asleep.
When he woke up, he was ecstatic to find that his Roommates were all gone, that meant he could go into his prank planning. He ripped a piece of parchment from a blank textbook and began his scheme. Remus had an idea that would shock the school, so good it would go down in history. Hurriedly, he jotted down some ideas. Remus deduced that they were all probably watching quidditch tryouts, as first years weren't eligible. That gave Remus a solid hour to plan this, at least, he thought.
After he had written down the general layout of it, the door burst open and a lively Sirius came running in. Peter trailed behind him, with red and gold paint on his face, and they were both chuckling wholeheartedly. Remus groaned and immediately left the room, leaving the parchment on his desk. After the last incident, though, Remus trusted that Sirius wouldn't read his things.
*Sirius pov*
Sirius and Peter ran inside, giggling like manic circus clowns. James had tripped over the banister at quidditch practice, and ended up in the hospital wing. Of course, Sirius was initially worried, but after James reassured him it was alright, he couldn't suppress his laughter. When they strutted back into the dorm, Sirius was surprised to see Remus writing something on a piece of parchment. Remus grunted and left the room, possibly to go explore the castle, which Sirius had caught Remus doing multiple times. Peter flopped onto the bed, and a bit of lose fabric flew off of it. Peter handed Sirius the fabric, making Sirius frustrated.
"Can you throw this in the bin?" Sirius gave him a judgmental look, and rolled his eyes sarcastically. "You're the one standing! It's common sense." Peter insisted, so Sirius snatched Peters last chocolate frog and swallowed it whole. This made him gasp and hit Sirius with a pillow, but Sirius just stuck his tongue out at him. When Sirius approached the bin, he saw a scrunched up piece of parchment which caught his attention. He immediately picked it up, and read the contents of it, unaware of who had written it until he saw the jagged, rushed handwriting, where it clicked that it was Remus'.
Pros:
-they seem fun
Sirius smiled at this.
-they like pranks
Sirius nodded in agreement, smirking to himself.
-they might not mind my condition
This made Sirius concerned, he wondered if this condition was the reason why Remus had disappeared last night.
-Sirius knows me (kinda)
Sirius raised an eyebrow, this could mean one of two things. Either Remus eavesdropped on their conversation, or he remembered. Sirius prayed and hoped that it was the second one.
Cons:
-they'll notice if I disappear
Sirius linked this to the condition which Remus has noted before.
-people (ew)
This made Sirius chuckle softly, and Peter tried to peak over his shoulder, but Sirius slapped him in the face playfully.
-they might find out
Sirius bit his lip, this seemed like an invasion of privacy at first, he was just intrigued, but now, he was concerned.
-they'll want to talk
Sirius smiled softly again, he thought Remus was so adorable for writing this.
-they already think I'm a freak
Sirius folded up the wrinkled parchment and put it in his pocket, his new goal set. "Bye Pete." And with that, he slammed the door shut, and went looking for a boy whom had never had a friend, and Sirius was determined to change that.