It’s the year 1975, Sirius his fifth school year at hogwarts. He is 16 years old, for most people this would mean that they can learn new magic, magic that was too dangerous for little kids, but for Sirius it meant something else. Every year, the older he got, his family expected more and more from him. And every year, the older he got, he despised it and had no desire to follow the path that they made for him. Normally his parents talk to him and say what they expect of him that year, for example, 5 years ago when he was just going to Hogwarts his parents had said that he had to get sorted into Slytherin, otherwise there would be consequences. Sirius did in fact not get sorted into Slytherin and his parents did keep their words. After that horrible break Sirius returned to school with deep cuts all over the back of his legs. This year they are oddly quiet about their expectation for Sirius, at least, they were quiet. Now his parents are arguing about god knows what, but it’s still arguing and both Sirius and Regulus don’t like that at all. They are sitting in Regulus’s bedroom, Regulus even despite his age, safely hiding in the arms of his big brother.
“It’s fine Reggie, they’ll stop soon,” Sirius covers Regulus’s ears.
“You need to get closer to him!” His mother shouts.
“There will be no difference Walburga!” Their father screams back. They are always arguing about some Dark Lord? Orion needs to get closer to him to get more ‘tasks’, and ‘save’ our family pride. Whatever that means. From what Sirius understands is that this Dark Lord guy is not a good man. He tries to stay out of anything that involves him, Sirius heard Effie and Monty talk about him, and it really wasn’t good stuff.
Reggie his hands are shaking and he is taking fast breaths.
“Hey, it’s alright. I'm here. Remember what we used to imagine?”
“...Yes.”
“Tell me.”
“Tell you what?”
“Tell me the story, just do it. Trust me.”
He takes a deep breath and starts talking.
“We would imagine that we had run away from home. The plan was to run far from the wizards and look for Andy in muggle Londen,” He tells me, his voice is shaking a bit.
“Do you remember how we would go there?” Sirius asks Reg.
“We would walk to a store with funky clothes and dress like old grandmas, you with a pink flowery dress and me with a big old hat. Then sneak on the bus and step off at an odd place, to try and find a dragon, befriend it, and fly it over muggle Londen and let the dragon search Andy.”
The screaming downstairs is much softer now.
“Didn’t we have a name for the dragon?” He asks Regulus.
“You know the name.”
“What makes you think that?”
“Because you came up with it.”
“Hmm, let me think. Nope it is totally gone, now only you can pass our dragon legacy,” Sirius says while bringing the back of his hand to his forehead.
“Stop being so dramatic, I know what you are doing.”
“Is it working?”
“No.”
“How is your breathing?”
“That’s not the point-“
“And your hands? Still shaking?”
“Okay you win, but this is very stupid you know.” After being quiet for a little while Regulus does answer, “Frederick Fartinghouse the third. That was his name. Are you happy now?”
Sirius is grinning, feeling very proud of the fact that he made his brother feel better but also because the name is so fucking genius. “I am in fact very happy.” He is smiling brightly at the thought of the memory. “And what did we do with Mister Fartinghouse the third?”
Regulus signs and starts talking again. “We would keep him as our pet. Ted was supposed to build him a big castle with many bathrooms because, well, his last name.”
“Oh yes I came up with that!”
Reggie is smiling a little, just a tiny bit. It’s hard to see, Regulus never really has a bright smile and probably never will. His smile always starts at the right corner of his lip and almost always just stays there, half hiding, but not well enough hid for the real seekers, like Sirius. “And because we wouldn’t want to fight we made a schedule. I got him on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, you on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, but I don't remember what happened to Thursday if I'm honest.” Regulus explains.
“I do!" Then Frederick was Nymphadora her pet.” Sirius says enthusiastically.
“I felt bad for Dora so I sent Andromeda a letter to inform her about her new pet.”
“You literally wrote, ‘I am very sorry we forgot your daughter while making our schedule, but we’ll make it up to her, just wait when we come to your house, she’ll be happy with her new dragon! (Only on Thursday though) R.A.B’ And then you tell me that I’m the dramatic one?”
“Shut up Sirius, I was young. You ate a worm once when you were young, do you hear me bringing that up every single moment of the day?
“...No.”
“Exactly.” Regulus is quiet for a bit before he starts talking about our dragon adventure again. “Do you remember the next time we saw Andromeda? She was so confused but promised to help us find a friendly dragon.”
Sirius chuckles at the part of the memory, “She even brought a book full of dragons so we already could pick which dragon we would adopt.”
The screaming is gone now. I can’t hear them anymore.
“We could still do that, can’t we?” I try.
“What? Dressing up as grandma’s, searching a dragon and then live with Andy?” Regulus asks confused.
“No of course not, I meant running away from home. Leaving this place.”
“Why?”
“Don’t act like you don’t know.”
“I know Sirius. But this is our home.”
“This isn’t a home, it’s a house. There is a big distance between those two. A home is where your mom makes you cookies and gives you a forehead kiss before leaving to work. A home is where your dad playing sports with you outside, and to take care of you if you fall while playing so rough. This Regulus, this isn’t a home. What we live in is a house that’s cold, even if it would be the hottest summer ever. Father is cold, he doesn’t speak to us, doesn’t look at us, we might aswell be invisible. Mother is cold, she has no mercy at all. Remember that time were you were very sick when you were younger and you went to her bad to tell her that you weren’t feeling well? You threw up in her room and she screamed at you and she gave you a bruise on your arm. You were crying so loud that I got awaken due to it and I was the one that let you sleep in my bed and changed your clothes and held you while you were still crying. Reggie be honest, you can’t hardly call this a home. You can survive in a house, but you can live in a home.”
Regulus looks at the floor. “I get what you mean but that doesn’t matter, we don't need our parents. We just need each other.”
That is my point Reg, we don’t need them! We can leave and go to Andy, or James, he told me we could always go to his place, and then we have a home! A real one! With people that actually want us!”
“It’s not the same Sirius!”
“Why?! Why isn’t it the same?! What is different?! That we are being treated like actual children for once?!”
“What about the memories?!” His voice was getting louder.
“Oh yes I wanna remember that the first time mother said she was proud of me was because I didn’t faint from the pain when she was using a curse!” Sirius’s blood is boiling and he is getting blinded by rage.
“No, you don’t get it! The memories don't always have to be bad here!”
“Give me one good memory! Go on!”
“When I was younger and my first teeth fell out, Andy had promised me when that day would come, the tooth fairy would put a coin under my pillow. I thought that she was joking and that there wasn’t gonna lay a coin under my pillow in the morning, but then I got woken up by silent footsteps and the next morning there were 5 coins laying under my pillow. I was so excited and I wanted to tell you, but then I heard mother screaming at you for stealing her money and then it hit me. I just pretended not to hear you everytime the ‘tooth fairy’ came when my teeth fell out because I liked the memory.” Regulus explained.
Sirius keeps quiet. He knew?
“Why didn’t you say something?”
“Because I didn’t want to ruin the memory.”
It is silent for a long time.
“But why don’t you want to go to James?” Sirius asks again, “You know damn well that we would make some fucking good memories there to.”
“I just don’t understand why you want it so bad.”
He is hiding something, Sirius can feel it. “What is it?”
“There is nothing.”
“Tell me.”
“No.”
“Just bloody tell me!”
His eyes are full of anger in just a second, like a switch being turned over. ”Because, if we leave then I’ll become a failure, Sirius! Because I'll be a disappointment, because I'll end up like you!”
Those words cutted deeper then any curse their mother had thrown. To hear it from other people wasn’t fun, but from his little brother? That really hitted him. Tears are building up in Sirius’s eyes. Is that how he truthly thinks of him? A failure? A disappointment?
High heels are echoing through the halls, going in our direction.
“Reg please-”
“I don’t want to end up like you okay?!” He keeps going.
“Reggie, mother is-”
“No Sirius, I wasn’t done!”
“Regulus. Shut. Up!”
“No, I am done listening to you! If you want to live with fucking mister perfect Potter, then go! Then leave this house!” He screams.
The door is pushed open with such force that you could feel the ground shaking.
“Sirius Orion Black, explain right now!” It is very clear that she has heard the part that Sirius wanted to leave, because the tone in her voice could be described as in one word: murder
But Sirius stays quiet. And he knows that he shouldn’t have, but Sirius was gonna get punished either way. She slowly raises her wand.
“Regulus, go to your room.” She orders in a cold voice.
“But-”
“Now!”
Reg looks at Sirius before he leaves with a face of fear and guild.
Sirius squeezes his eyes shut and prepares himself for the similar pain that he was going to feel any second. Except, nothing could have prepared him for this kind of pain. It was a new curse, something his mother hadn't used before, it felt like corrosive poison was running through his veins, and needles were poking Sirius’s body all over. He fell on his knees, Sirius didn’t mean to scream, he just felt that he couldn’t do anything else, it was like that pain was taking his breath away and the only thing that could keep him alive was letting it out.
“Say that you will stay here forever!” Mother screamed, her voice was sharp and hurting my head.
“Never!”
It hurts to speak. It hurts to move. It hurts to think. Everything hurts.
“Crusio!”
He screams again.
“Say that you will stay the heir!”
“N-no.”
Sirius can’t think anymore.
“Crusio!”
Everytime she casts the curse, it hurts more. Sirius realizes that he is laying in blood. It takes him way too long before knowing it was his own.
“You stay here! You aren’t going anywhere!”
Sirius feels weak, not in power. He wants this to be over. He wants to say that he will stay, even though his heart is screaming not to, it makes him sick, but Sirius’s tongue simply doesn’t work anymore.
“Crusio!”
His vision was getting blurry and he can only make out colors in the room.
“You are gonna stay in this house, understood?!”
Out of nowhere Sirius vomits right next to her feet. He is shaking and cold all over.
“I said, understood?!”
Sirius felt like his mother was screaming in the distance. At this point he couldn’t do anything else except lay in my own puddle of blood mixed with tears and vomit.
“You are weak! Crusio!”
The sharp feeling of pain was slowly fading away and Sirius blacked out.
He blink, someone was dragging him away. Sirius closes his eyes again, then opens them, the person is now sitting at a desk, writing. Sirius feels iron in his mouth, blood. He closes his eyes again, everything hurts so fucking hard.
“Sirius?”
He slowly opens his eyes again, he didn’t even notice that he closed them in the first place.
“Sirius, you need to leave. I sent a letter to James. I’m so sorry but you need to go, right now!” Regulus whispered.
Sirius wants to protest but his brain is just not working.
"Together," He manages to say.
“Mother would go crazy if she found out Siri, it is safer to leave for the ‘disappointment’ than the ‘perfect boy’ you know?”
Sirius laughs at that, but quickly stops because it hurts his ribs,”Then there is still one advantage at being a failure I guess.”
Regulus throws some fluepower into the fire.
“The only thing you need to do is touch the flames, think you can do that?” Reggie asks in a soft voice. Sirius nods.
“For mister Farthouse?” He ask, while trying to smile.
“For mister Farthouse.” Reggie answers, without missing a beat. He is crying, but quickly swiping the tears away.
Sirius his fingers are touching the calming hot flames and with that he’s in the house of the Potters.
James catches him and immediately pulls Sirius into a hug, who is quickly followed by Effie and Monty.
“Oh mi estrella, no one is ever going to lay another hand on you again, I promise!” Effie tells him while stroking his hair.
She is rubbing slow circles on Sirius’s back even though his shirt is drenched in blood. She is loving him even though Sirius thinks that he doesn't deserve it at all. She is loving him even though Sirius is sobbing and falling apart in her arms like a 5 year old whose ice cream fell. Finally, someone loves him. He is home.
And that is the moment that he feels like he can let his guard down, let the tiredness overwhelm me, and Sirius faints into the arms of the 3 people who he loves the most, with his whole heart, with his whole body, with his everything, because they learned him that people, even him, deserve to have persons who are his everything.