August 1988:
Imagine a moment of strange stillness, where your body seems hyper-aware of its own existence. It begins with a subtle, almost imperceptible tremor beneath your skin, like a dormant creature stirring from slumber.
As this unsettling movement grows, it feels as though a multitude of tiny, unseen hands are crawling and writhing just beneath your epidermis, creating skin-crawling sensation. Your muscles, once relaxed, are now pulled taut like stretched rubber bands, causing a constant, dull ache that radiates from your core to your extremities. Every movement becomes a laborious effort, as if you're moving through thick molasses, and your joints creak in protest as they bear the weight of your tense body. The sensation is all-encompassing, as if your entire being is on high alert, bracing for an impending storm of pain. Your mind, too, is caught in this oppressive grip of anticipation, thoughts consumed by a sense of impending doom.
It's as if you're standing on the edge of a precipice, aware that a painful and inevitable plunge is imminent. As your body has become a battleground between the intruder beneath your skin and your desperate attempts to resist the impending pain, the anticipation itself can be almost as agonizing as the pain you fear will soon envelop you, leaving you in a state of discomfort and stress, unable to escape the tormenting feelings that seem to consume your entire existence.
Then imagine that happening to you every time the moon is full, for the rest of your life.
The day before the full moon:
What has just been described is what, Remus is feeling right now, and it’s not that he is afraid of the moon. He has experienced the transformations for 24 years. But for 7 years it was bearable, with Prongs, Wormtail and Pa…..him. The stag, rat and dog, spent time with the wolf while the full moon appeared as a mesmerizing, silvery sphere in the expansive, velvet sky for the night.
Now, as Remus looks up at the moon growing fuller and more bright in the night sky, the dread begins to stir deep within him. He goes out to the kitchen and search the cabinets, retning to find the bottle of gin and firewhisky; he knows he placed them somewhere in this room. He finds the bottle of gin, unscrew the cab, and throws it without caring wherever the fuck it lands, and takes a big gulp. He finds the bottle of firewhisky under the sink and walks back to the window ledge. He looks up at the moon; its soft silver glow is almost hypnotic, casting a gentle luminescence that bathes the landscape in a ethereal light. It is a sight of celestial beauty, yet there is an underlying unease growing within Remus.
The weather was cloudy, and thank Merlin for that; he couldn’t stand looking at the stars and being reminded of the star. He walks over to his bed, falls down on the muffled sheets, and buries his head in the pillows. He so desperately wants to sleep, just a few hours of blissful unawareness from the pain he’s felling and which he knows will be worse when the moon is at its fullest tomorrow. His whole body is tense and alert. He´s not able to relax; he can’t fall asleep.
For a few minutes he waits, hoping his heart will give up and bring peace, all over his body. But that never happens, even though he has wished for that since November 1981. He gets out of bed and lights a cigarette with a snap of his fingers. He doesn’t even care to open a window and goes back to the unfinished bottle of gin and spends the night letting his lungs fill with smoke, while a contentious stream of gin and firewhisky burns through him until he passes out right there at the table.
The day of the full moon:
Remus wakes up, and for a short moment, he’s blissfully unaware, until he feels the afternoon sun pierce through the curtains, its unwelcome rays landing on his face, causing discomfort. Its heat jolts him awake, forcing his eyes to squint against the sun’s intrusion. It takes Remus a minute to become fully awake. His eyes search the table for his pack of cigarettes; he finds it and reaches for it, only to realize he smoked the whole pack during the night. The pain in his body is more intense than it was yesterday. He feels his body being dragged over to the window where he watches the sun set with a display of warm, golden hues that paint the sky in a vibrant tapestry of oranges, pinks, and purples.
Remus walks out the door and leave the city behind as he apparates to a secluded forest in the south of England. When he arrives, he walks over to the edge of the forest and finds the dogwood tree and sit down as he lean against the tree trunk. He looks up to see that the sky is, in fact, not covered in clouds as he had hoped. But some stars are slowly becoming visible in the sky. Even though the night of the full moon is one of the worst times to stargaze, he spots the brightest star every time before the moon is at its fullest. It’s as if his eyes have their own mind and force Remus to look at it, the biggest reminder of the love he ones held in his hands before it slipped from his grasp.
In this quiet moment just before the moon´s full radiance bathes the night sky, Remus can faintly see the constellation, and its brightest star shines just as bright as it always does. As the moonlight gently kisses the edges of the constellation, Canis Major's form emerges with a subtle glow. The starry gems that compose its shape shows a faint twinkle with a knowing wink, as though they share the stories of countless nights and the mysteries of life.
Remus loves the brightest star even though he tries so desperately not to.
When Remus feel the ethereal glow of the full moon grace his body, a chilling sensation occurs. The once human form begins to shift to the features of the wolf, as if nature itself rebels against the transformation.
First, the eyes undergo a change, his pupils elongating into vertical slits. Remus entire visage becomes distorted, with the nose elongating and sharpening into a snout-like appendage. He lifts his hand up to his face and feels a row of menacing elongated teeth that glisten in the moonlight. He looks at his hand and down at his feet, now morphed into claws with sharp, bone-crushing talons, each one designed for one sinister purpose: to maim and rend.
His hair, once soft brown curls, are now bristles, evolving into a coarse fur that covers the monstrous form. Limbs lengthen and warp, turning into muscular, gnarled appendages with an immense amount of strength. As the transformation progresses, the monstrous creature grows in size, dominating the former human. His torso swells and bulges with inhuman muscle, creating a menacing silhouette. Remus´s spine elongates into a wickedly arched form, accentuating the grotesque arch of his back and a long, tufted tail emerges, lashing menacingly.
The full moon´s influence fuels the transformation, infusing the wolf with an insatiable hunger and uncontrollable urges. Its once conscious mind is now overridden by primal instincts, causing the wolf to roam the night with a predatory thirst for chaos and destruction. Always followed by the brightest star.
The wolfs howls pierce the stillness of the night, echoing a mournful sound.
The wolf misses its pack.
Moony misses Padfoot