Worth it
James is lying on the floor of the hall of Grimmauld Place. He can see the front door. They were so close. He hears Regulus shouting at his mother to let him go, the muffled noise of Regulus banging on the invisible wall that keeps him separate. The desperation in the voice of the boy he loves breaks his heart. He failed him, and now he will pay the price.
Walburga raises her wand at him. Before the pain hits him he thought he knew what to expect. He couldn’t be more wrong. Nothing makes you prepared for this. The pain is blinding. It consumes him. James screams as he feels every nerve in his body lit up in fire. Time stops making sense after a while. He tries to keep his eyes closed because the light is blinding. The last thing he hears before he blacks out is Regulus’ pleades.
James wakes up in his bed. The first thing he sees is the worried faces of his parents. He tries to move, but his body is aching. “James?” His mum whispers.
“What happened?” James is surprised at how raspy his voice is, and then suddenly everything rushes back. “Regulus! We have to go back for him!”
Effie holds him by his shoulder so he doesn’t try to get up. “You are safe, honey. Both of you…”
“James!” the dark-haired boy rushes into view. He has his hand on James immediately. He pats over his body to make sure James is really here. “I’m so sorry. James. I’m sorry.” His cheeks are strained river of tears. James wants to tell him it’s okay, just to make the devastated look of his go away.
“What happened?” James asks.
His father is the one to answer his voice carefully controlled. “You were under cruciatus for some time.” James waves his hand to let them know he is aware of this part. He notices his hands are still shaking. “According to Regulus, after you passed out he succeded in overcoming the magic barrier, and he apparated both of you out. Walburga is in saint Mungos.”
“How?” James asks because Regulus didn’t have his wand if he recalls it right.
“Accidental magic,” Effie says softly.
James wants to reach out to Regulus. To thank him. Or just to touch him but when he reaches out his hand violently twitches.
Regulus lets out a loud sob. “No! No no no. I’m sorry. It was too long. I was slow. James!” He captures James’ twitching hand. He climbs onto to bed, pressing the hand against his chest until it stops twitching.
“It can be a side-effect of strong crucio. It should go away.” Effie comments, but James can see the worry on her face.
“He is hurting!” Regulus shouts as he starts patting around the bed looking for his wand.
“Darling, he is safe. No one is hurting him anymore.” Effie tries to calm him down, but Regulus snaps at her.
“You don’t understand. The body remembers.” He doesn’t explain further. James’ heart breaks for the fact that Regulus is right. He hates the idea that Regulus clearly knows the feeling first-hand. Every time his hands twitch for a split second the pain is back. “I’m gonna fix it! I’m sorry, I’m gonna fix it.”
Regulus is frantic mumbling to himself as he takes James' left hand. He points his wand at the veins there and says a spell James doesn’t recognize. He drops the wand and starts swiping his fingers across James’ forearm all the way to his fingers. The movements are too shaky to be consistent. He repeats the process over and over. Spell. Massaging the hand. Pleads for it to work. Apologies. And repeat.
James really tries not to let his hand twitch just for Regulus' sake, but there is no use. “NO! Please work. I… it has to work. I will fix it. James… Jamie… I’m sorry. So sorry.”
James watches Regulus' fingers. There are several cuts on them. He looks up, and he notices the cut on Regulus' forehead. Why wasn’t he healed?
“Reggie.” James tries to stop him. Regulus doesn’t look at him. James thinks he can’t without breaking. He is focused on his fingers desperately trying to help him. “You are injured. I’m gonna be fine. It's better already.”
Regulus’ breathing is getting more panicked by the minute. James' hand twitches again, and Regulus just folds. He collapses on the bad clinging to James’ hand. He kisses the hurting mussels. “Please work. Why is it not working? I… I have to… James, I’m sorry. Fuck. Why is it not working?! Sorry. I’m so sorry.”
James grits his teeth as he lifts his hand urging Regulus to look at him. He is a mess. This is what a broken person looks like. “Regulus. Listen to me. We are okay. You don’t have to be sorry.”
“I do! It’s my… fuck, it’s my fault. You were there for me. And she… she hurt you. You. My Jamie. She… and you… I’m sorry.”
“Love. I need you to listen to me.” James urges pushing past the pain to swipe his thumb across Regulus’ cheek. “You are hurt…” Regulus opens his mouth to object. “Listen. You are hurt, and I want you to sit there and let my mum heal you. Will you do that for me, please, love?”
“But you…”
“For me. Please?”
Regulus looks like all the fight in him left his body. He walks across the room without another word. “Thank you.” James whispers to his mum.
“Son, we did everything we could. I’m not sure what Regulus was doing. Did it help?”
James shakes his head. “It would have, but he is in too much of a shock to be in control of his magic. I could feel what he was attempting to do, but… Don’t tell him, tho.”
Monty looks at James with a solemn expression. They both are thinking about the reason why Regulus knows the spell. James can’t handle it. It’s too much. Instead, he looks at the boy again. He is sitting in the chair Effie waves her wand around him. James can see him clenching his fists to keep himself in place.
Effie is talking to him in her special soothing voice. Regulus doesn’t respond, but he looks up at Effier after a while. And James can see it. The surprise someone is caring for him. That someone is treating him kindly. He looks like he never experienced adults treating him well.
“Dad, look,” James says not looking away from Regulus who whispers something back to his mum. “Look at him. I mean. He is here. We made it. And he is gonna stay with me. I’m gonna make sure he will finally have a safe loving home.”
Monty puts a hand on James’ shoulder. James looks up at his dad and says proudly. “It was worth it. For him, it was worth it.”