The universe
Everyone in Hogwarts knew what the date today was. 3rd of November. That only means one thing- the birthday of one and only Sirius Orion Black. Every year the Marauders made sure to do something special on this day. This year they charmed every statue to bow when Sirius walked around them and wished him happy birthday. All thanks to Peter’s idea, Remus’ research and James’ spell work. What didn’t change every year was a party in the Gryffindor Tower. It became famous over the years and students from other houses wanted to attend. It was more work to accommodate all of the people, but fortunately, professors looked the other way for one night and let it slip, as long as their silencing charms worked and underaged students did not drink alcohol.
Remus was watching his friend shining in the middle of the crowd, laughing loudly and just being the centre of attention. Someone would call him a star as his name suggested. But not Remus. Because a star is not enough to capture Sirius. No, Sirius is not just bright and warm. He has his dark cold parts which no one bothers to look at. Meteors are parts of broken planets that others consider waste, but they couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s evidence of the history the universe went through. Things that are broken to make something new. To never stop evolving. He is all the chaos that you can’t believe can work together, but it all works in harmony.
No, Sirius is not a star. For Remus, he is the universe. With all the darkness and light, the broken pieces and beautiful constellation patterns, all the noise of creation and silence of emptiness. He surrounds Remus with his infinity. Is it even possible to not love the universe in all its glory? Remus never tried. He never wanted to. It felt like he was destined to fall in love with him. But Remus is not stupid or naïve enough to expect the universe to love him back. No, but he is lucky enough to witness from his distant corner the life itself as Sirius dances and talks and shares little mischief glances with James and periodically looks in his direction to check Remus is still standing there.
It's hours later when Remus comes back from the restroom and can’t find the birthday boy anywhere in the middle of the crowd. He waits a little longer but when his friend doesn’t show up, he makes his way upstairs. He peeks in their dorm, but it’s empty. His gaze lands on the cracked open window at the very back at the end of the corridor.
The rooftop is drowned in the darkness of the night but a little bit to the left perched on the small spot is sitting Sirius, his head tilted to the sky his legs firmly tugged underneath him.
“Pads?” Remus asks tearing the boy from his thoughts. Sirius quickly turns to him and as soon as his eyes lie on Remus his startled expression changes to smile. “Is everything alright? Why are you not at the party?” Remus continues.
“I just wanted to be alone for a moment,” Sirius explains as he gestures to the empty space in front of him and Remus mentally kicks himself for intruding.
“Oh, sorry. I’m gonna leave you to it, then.” Remus is ready to close the window when Sirius calls for him again.
“No, join me?”
“But you wanted to be alone.”
“I can be alone and with you,” Sirius explains and adds when Remus doesn’t make the move to climb out of the window. “Please? I like having you around.”
Remus climbs to the small roof spot and sits beside his friend. The spot is not too big, so they are sitting pressed against each other. Remus is aware of every inch of his body that is touching Sirius. He takes out a pack of cigarettes and offers it to his friend. “I’m gonna share one with you, Moons.”
They smoke and Sirius has once again the distant look in his eyes. Remus is sure he is losing his mind because he is convinced that every time Sirius takes the cigarette from him, his gaze lingers on him a little longer, and the brush of their fingers is a little slower.
Sirius takes a long drag from the cigarette and tilts his head as he blows the smoke out. “Sometimes I think I don’t deserve any of this,” Sirius whispers suddenly. A secret shared under the cloak of the night. “All of the people who came here today, all of whom talked to me, don't really know me. If they did, they wouldn't bother with me.”
Remus thinks how utterly wrong Sirius is. They might not truly know Sirius. He hides parts of himself too well only offering the perfectly polished parts. But that’s their loss. Because as much as Remus loves the outgoing happy part of Sirius, he also loves all of the other parts. He doesn’t love Sirius despite them, but because of them.
“I know you,” Remus says and waits for Sirius to agree with that statement. “And I don’t see anything I don’t like.” Remus can’t make out what the look on Sirius’ face means. He caught a glimpse of surprise, a soft smile and sadness.
“You say you don’t deserve anything? I say you deserve everything you want. Name it and I will get it for you. It’s that easy.” The moment Remus says this he realises that he might be drunk. He wouldn’t say this sober. He is not bold enough to speak the truth.
Sirius’ gaze is searching Remus’ face and Remus could swear he stares at his lips longer than friends would. “That easy, Moons?” Sirius asks his voice deep as he wraps his lips around every syllable. Remus holds his breath and nods slowly burning under Sirius’ gaze.
“What if the thing I want is someone. Someone who is too good for me, who I’m sure deserves everything in the world and I’m not sure I can manage to give it to them.”
Remus lowers his gaze refusing to let the sadness show in his face. But that’s how it goes, the universe will fall in love with someone else and Remus will watch. “They would be lucky to have you. Anyone would be lucky to have you and that is everything.”
There is a long pause when everything stays still. The coldness of the air surrounding Remus is breached by a hot hand on his cheek urging him to look up. He sucks a sharp breath as he looks into Sirius’ face. “All I have to do is ask, you said. Okay. So, this is me. Asking. For the one person I want.”
For a moment Remus can’t comprehend that Sirius means him. It doesn’t feel real. It can’t be real. But Sirius is still looking at him, his hand still cupping Remus’ chin. He nods slowly afraid he would somehow ruin the moment if he moved too quickly. But Sirius is moving towards him, and Remus can feel his hot breath on his lips right before Sirius kisses him.
Remus is sure this is how the Big Bang felt like. Everything packed in a single shiny moment. Everything that ever was and ever will be captured at the touch of their lips. Because kissing Sirius is like touching the universe itself. Glorious and infinite. They are the centre of the world right there on the roof of Grifindoor Tower.