When the World gets too much
Regulus could see it in James’ cloudy eyes, in the way he is not really present even though he is sitting right next to him. That his mind is miles away, torturing the poor guy. But James still claims he is alright. And he goes to lectures and laughs at jokes their friends make a little bit too loud, he smiles with a grin too wide that makes Regulus’ heart ache. Because he knows it’s just an act. The worst is that nobody else notices it. Regulus watches them go with their day without a second thought.
Regulus had to go to the library for a moment to return some of the books. When he comes back to the group, he can't spot James anywhere.
“Where is he?” Regulus asks his brother.
“Who? James?” Regulus gives him an unimpressed look because, of course, he is talking about James. Who else.
“He was tired, so he went to lie down,” Sirius answers without a blink of an eye.
Regulus just nods as he makes his way to James’ room. As he predicted he finds James lying on a bed with unfocused eyes starting to the distance his fingers nervously fidgeting next to him. James is always like this whenever the world gets too much.
“Jamie,” Regulus whispers softly as he crouches in front of him.
“Regulus...” James tries to smile at him, but it only brings tears to his eyes. “Shit, sorry.” he lifts his hand to hide his face, but Regulus stops him.
“James, it's okay.”
“I'm fine. Just tired.”
“Jamie...” Regulus says his name like he is begging him to just let him in.
James takes a sharp breath. “I'm fine. I'm just tired. Just tired.” he keeps chattering even though tears are staining his face. Regulus climbs into the bed and James instantly wraps himself around his boyfriend. He clings to Regulus like he is his safe line. He is hiding his face in Regulus’ chest embarrassed for the tears. “I'm so tired Reggie,” James whispers and for the first time it doesn't sound like an excuse but something, James is really feeling. He says it like it’s his darkest secret like it’s something shameful.
“I got you. I'm here James. What do you need?” James just tightens his grip around his boy without saying a word.
“What about a hot bath?” Regulus asks because he feels that James is slightly shaking in his arms. He is aware that it's probably not from the cold. But still, it could help him calm down.
“I... Sure.” James says but even an absolutely oblivious person would hear the hesitation in his voice.
“What is it?” Regulus props himself on his elbows. James looks at him like Regulus will get up every second and leave. “Tell me, please.”
The boy hesitates for a long time. “I'm sorry. I don't want to bother you..." Regulus would scold him for saying this if not for the way James is clearly struggling to get the words out. “I want to be near you. Can you stay, please?”
Regulus kisses his cheek tasting the saltiness of the tears on his lips.
“Of course, I will stay with you. We can get a bath together. If you want to.”
James shakily inhales with relief. “Yeah. That would... I would like that. I'm sorry Reggie.”
“You have nothing to be sorry about,” Regulus says without a waiver, and he tugs James from the bed.
“Thank you...” James whispers.