Chapter 4
Inviting them to the party had been Pandora’s idea. And, though he would never admit it, what Pandora wants, she gets. So Regulus swallowed his pride and told Sirius about the party, and that he could bring his friends. Had Regulus known that Sirius was friends with practically all of Gryffindor, he wouldn’t have done it.
“My Gods there’s like twenty of them,” he muttered, peeking out into the common room from the stairs. Evan and Barty peek out over his head.
Evan rolls his eyes. “You’re so dramatic. There’s seven of them.”
“ I told him he could bring a few friends. Not the whole Gryffindor quidditch team.”
“Most of them aren’t on the team. Potter isn’t even here.”
“Whose fucking side are you on, Crouch?”
“Is there a reason you’re hiding in the stairwell of a party practically dedicated to you?”
All three boys jump, whipping around to see Dorcas, dressed in a black velvet shift dress, her chunky braids up in a bun, save from two pieces framing her face.
“Christ, Meadowes. A little warning next time, yeah?” Barty says, hand on his chest like an old lady clutching her pearls.
She smiles. “Did I scare you, B? Sorry.”
“No you’re not.”
She shrugs. “No, I’m not. Now, Are we going to go to this party or stand here all night?”
Evan grins. “Reg is nervous,” he teases.
“Am not.”
“So are.”
“I am not . Just- wary is all.”
“Right. Well, can we be wary with drinks in our hands? I’d like to be drunk before Dora decides it’s time for karaoke,” Evan says, grabbing Regulus by the wrist and pulling him out into the party.
Regulus groans at the thought. Last time there was karaoke, he had been so drunk, he was pretty sure Barty (who will neither confirm nor deny that this happened) convinced him to get up and sing “Killing Me Softly with His Song’ together. Most embarrassing thing to ever happen to him and he wasn't even positive it did happen.
“Fine. But Barty isn’t allowed to touch my drink.”
“I’ll have you know that my drink making skills are far superior-”
Regulus rolls his eyes and interjects. “Whatever, you’re not making mine.”
Barty sulks, looking over to Evan, who just shakes his head with a smile. Barty then turns to Dorcas, who just ruffles his hair.
“Everyone in this friend group hates me,” he pouts.
“Oh pity. Find new friends then.”
Barty gasps dramatically, throwing his arm around Regulus.“You wound me, Reg.”
“Yeah and I’ll actually wound you in a second.” Regulus says, holding back a smile and shoving Barty’s head away from his.
Barty laughs and pokes Regulus in the side. Regulus recoils, giving him a nasty look.
“Oh my bad. Didn’t know you were so ticklish, Reggie.”
“You quite literally did know that. Don’t do it again you prick.” Regulus hisses.
Barty just smiles. “Do what? This?” he says, poking Regulus in both sides as soon as he turns his back.
Regulus jumps, biting back what would have been a very high pitched squeal and slapping Barty’s hands away. He turns around and walks backward, arms folded.
“I swear to Merlin if you touch me again-”
“Yeah yeah yeah, I’ll lose my hand. Merlin, you’re in a bad mood,” Barty chuckles.
“Oh, I wonder what did that.”
“You know you should probably turn around.” he hears Evan say. He can hear the grin on Evan’s face.
“I’m not turning around so Crouch can fucking tickle me again.”
“ Okay, but you’re gonna run into-”
He hears Dorcas’ warning too late and runs smack into a wall or something.
“Fucking Salazar. I can’t believe you all just let me run into-”
“Shit, Regulus, I’m so sorry. Are you alright?” says a familiar voice.
So Potter was here. Great. Regulus bristles and his frown turns into a scowl as he whips around.
“I’m fine, Potter. Just wasn’t paying attention,” he says. Turning around to face him, he sees James standing in front of the drinks table by himself, looking like a kicked puppy. Regulus feels his scowl deepen. Regulus had never, in seven years of having Potter’s existence all but shoved down his throat, seen him look this- deflated. It was like all the obnoxious happy go lucky energy had been sucked from him. And Regulus swears that if he had a heart to break, he might have felt his heart crumble to bits at the sight.
‘ Are you alright? ’ he wants to ask. ‘ Who hurt you and can I kill them?’
Instead he just asks: “Why are you over here by yourself? I thought you and my brother were attached at the hip.”
He must have looked really bloody angry, because Potter began to slump into an even sadder mess. Godric, what was sadder than a kicked puppy, because whatever that was, that’s what James Potter looked like right now. He can actually feel steam come from his ears as James gives them all a grin that didn’t quite reach his eyes. Oh Regulus was going to have to kill someone tonight, wasn’t he?
“Just got separated from the group is all. Haven’t actually been by myself for more than ten minutes. Have you er- seen them?” James says, looking down at Regulus, biting at the inside of his cheek.
“They're all over there,” Regulus gestures vaguely to the area Sirius and the rest of them are sitting. James looks in that direction and frowns.
“I don’t see them. Can’t see past the dance floor, really.”
“We’re about to go over there anyway. You can just come with us,” Evan says, re-appearing next to Regulus with four drinks precariously held in his hands.
Regulus shoots Evan a look. Evan just smiles and mouths ‘play nice’.
Evan always was too nice to people, but despite how much he hated Potter, he supposed he could let it slide today- given how much the poor bloke looked like he needed a little kindness.
“Must we?” Regulus grumbles, taking his drink when Evan hands it to him.
Dorcas gives him a look. “You did invite them.”
“Completely and totally against my will. She made me.” Regulus huffs.
“She?’ James pipes up.
“Pandora,’ Evan says. James just blinks. “Pandora Lestrange? Blonde. Blue eyes. Never in her uniform-”
“But never gets reprimanded,” James interrupts. “Yeah, been trying to remember her name for a solid three weeks now. She says hi when I see her in the halls, but I haven’t been able to bring myself to tell her that I couldn’t remember. She’s- very nice to me for some reason, considering I really don’t know her.”
Evan smiles. “She’s got a heart of gold that one.”
Barty nods. “Too good for us, she is.”
“Speak for yourselves.” Regulus and Dorcas say at the same time, looking over and smirking at each other.
“Speaking of, if we don’t head over there soon, she’ll come find us and do the thing .” Evan says, which prompts Barty and Regulus to both grimace.
“I hate the thing.” Regulus says.
Barty nods. “Not a big fan of the thing myself.”
“There isn’t a thing, you're all so dramatic,” Dorcas says with a laugh as the boys immediately begin to push their way through the crowd.
“What’s the thing?”
“Merlin’s beard.” Regulus jumps, flinching away from James, who’s bent down so his face is level with Regulus as they walk.
“They all think she’s got some creepy mind reading powers. Not as mysterious as they think they are, this lot.” Dorcas says.
“Great, now you’re talking to him too. Does everyone want to be his best friend but me?” Regulus mutters, giving Dorcas a pointed look, which she just rolls her eyes at.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know that talking to people needed your approval.”
“That’s not what I mean and you know it.”
“Hmm.”
“If it helps at all, I've already got a best friend. Not really looking to replace him.” James says.
“Oh do you really? I wasn’t aware. And who might that be?” Regulus rolls his eyes.
James doesn’t retort and Regulus can feel him stand up straight again, no longer invading his space. Okay, he’ll admit that wasn’t very nice of him. Usually, James would have just laughed and made some stupid comment about Regulus being jealous. Every fiber of Regulus’ being was screaming that something was wrong- so wrong with James. But he doesn’t look at him. He knows that if he does, he’ll see that sad, lonesome look in Potter's eyes and he might start to feel bad for him. And then his nonexistent heart might shatter again. Which would be really inconvenient because Regulus has a reputation to uphold, goddamnit.
As they finally push through the dance floor and Regulus locates Pandora and the group of Gryffindors, his breath catches in his throat. Regulus doesn’t get nervous often. He’s learned to push his inconvenient feelings out of the way. Gotten very very good at it in fact. But Merlin and Morgana both, this was really making his chest go tight. That sinking feeling he thought he’d gotten rid of years ago was rising in stomach and up his throat like vomit and he suddenly cared about this interaction between his friends and his brother’s friends, far more than he’d care to admit. Why? Well, fuck he didn’t know, not completely at least. His usually much calmer mind was racing with too many thoughts. What would he do if they hated him? What would Sirius do? He wouldn’t put it past his brother to care more about what his friends think of him than what he thinks himself, but surely even if they hate Regulus, Sirius wouldn’t start to hate him? Then an even more sickening thought flitted across his mind, before he shoved it down as fast as it appeared. If they all hated Regulus enough, would he leave again?
★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★
James was bored. Bored and ready to leave now, thank you. Staring at his shoes has undoubtedly become boring. But every time he looks up and pays attention to the conversation or -Merlin forbid- actually speaks up, he can feel everyone looking at him. Okay maybe not everyone looked at him. But Regulus’ eyes would snap over to glare at him if moved even a centimeter. He could feel it, his skin would break out in goosebumps and the hair on his neck would stand up. And if James is being honest, which he usually is, James would rather stare at his shoes all night then feel Regulus murder him with his eyes over and over again. In fact, despite the music and the Firewhiskey and his general love for most of the people he was with, James would rather have someone Avada him right now. Quick easy painless death had to be better than being squished between Mary and Remus on this stupid green leather couch staring at his bright red shoes on the cold stone floor. He had been right, what a shocker. This was not a fun party. It was barely a party for James at this point. He wasn’t drunk, he didn’t feel like dancing, and talking to anyone was apparently out of the question, for fear that his imaginary murder become rather less than imaginary at the hands of Regulus. What was worse, is that no one seemed to want to talk to him. Sirius and Marlene were arguing, of course. About what, James wasn’t sure. They had been talking to Regulus, who was sat between the two of them, but he moved once they started reaching across him to get at each other. He was now sitting between Rosier and Crouch and the three of them were whispering about Morgana knows what. Lily was talking to Pandora and Meadowes with Wormy occasionally adding in. Remus and Mary were chatting with each other and Emmaline, well she seemed to be the only one who felt like talking about as much as James did.
James' eyes moved from his shoes to his drink- a glass of Firewhiskey which had been handed to him as soon as he sat down. He hadn’t had much of it, using it more as a crutch to keep his hands busy. Was he being too quiet? He didn’t want to spoil anyone else’s fun. But he also really wanted to go back to the dorm. Or at least be able to open his mouth for a millisecond. The worst part was, he didn’t even know what he did wrong this time. James seemed to be an expert at upsetting Regulus these days, but he usually had a bit of an idea why. Had he said something? Well he’d have to be able to get a word in for that. But knowing James, he probably managed to offend Regulus without even speaking. Fantastic, isn’t it, his astounding ability got fuck things up? This whole thing was for Sirius- an attempt to bridge his and Regulus’ worlds together again. Sirius wouldn’t admit it, of course, but this- his friends getting along with Regulus- was really bloody important to him. And here James was, fucking that up. Spectacular.
“Prongs? Are you alright?”
“Hmm? Yeah, Moons. You?”
Remus’ hand settled on James’ knee, giving it a squeeze. James hadn’t even noticed it, he was fidgeting again, his leg bouncing and shaking the sofa.
“No James. I mean- are you feeling alright? You’ve barely said a word all night and, well you look like shit.”
James huffs out a laugh.
“Thanks, Moony. You really know how to cheer a bloke up.”
“Oh shut up I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I know. Yeah I’m alright. Just- a bit down on myself is all.”
Remus nods, wrapping his arm around James’ broad shoulders.
James looks up from his lap, eyes a little wide. Remus never initiated any sort of hug, with any of his friends. He’d let them hug him, and he’d hug them back or pat them on the shoulder, but this was rare. The only time James can actually remember this happening before was back when Sirius convinced Pete to fly around the makeshift quidditch pitch on the grounds of Potter Manor. Poor Wormy had been so scared that he fainted and fell right off his broom. They had all been worried, of course, he had a big fall and if it weren’t for Mum, Merlin knows how much worse off Pete would have been. When he finally woke up, after three days, Remus had pulled him into a hug tighter than a vice, muttering something about killing him if he died.
“Moons?”
“Yes, James?”
“You’re- practically hugging me.”
“Yeah, so?”
“So, I'm not dying, am I?”
“I’ll stop if you want-“
“No, you don’t have to. ‘s nice. ”
Remus smiles. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
James finds himself smiling too, just as Sirius lets out a gasp.
“Moony! You’re hugging Prongs? Christ, is he dying?” he says as he rushes over, making a show of fawning over James. “If you die Prongs I will never forgive you. We’re supposed to die together, at the exact same time. You’d be betraying me, Prongs, you hear me? I feel betrayed.”
Remus rolls his eyes while James just laughs.
“Jesus, Padfoot. He’s fine, you dramatic twat,” he says, swatting Sirius’s hands away from James' neck- where he tried to take James’ pulse.
Sirius frowns. “Well if he’s so fine, then what’s all this, hmm? This means bad things, Moony. Last time you hugged someone, Wormy almost died.” Sirius says, plopping down in James’ lap, gesturing to Remus’ arm around him. James suddenly becomes aware of how loud Sirius is being, and that he can feel his hair standing up on his neck. Regulus was watching the three of them.
“Don’t say that. He didn’t ‘almost die’. He was fine.”
“Yeah, sure, after being in a coma for three days.”
“You’re overreacting. I’m allowed to hug Prongs.”
“Course you are.”
“Exactly.”
“But you don’t. Not usually.”
“Well, if you’re going to be like this, I won’t hug any of you again,” Remus huffs.
Sirius frowns again. “Prongs, tell him I’m right.”
James balks. If he agreed with Sirius, Moony would be upset. But if he agreed with Remus, Sirius would be upset. And if he didn’t say anything, well that would make Sirius upset too. But they were gonna fight no matter what, weren’t they? No matter what James said.
“Well, I dunno if I-“
“Don’t bother saying anything James.” Remus cuts him off, rolling his eyes and taking his arm from around his shoulders.
“I wasn’t gonna-“
“Why can’t I get Prongs’ opinion?”
James winces. “You know I think maybe you two shouldn’t-“
“You’re not getting his opinion, you’re getting him to satisfy your point, Sirius.”
“Well what’s the difference!”
“Pads I don’t think you should-“
“No, Prongs, I want to know what’s so wrong about asking for an outside opinion.”
“To be fair you weren’t really-“
“You don’t want another opinion, you just want everyone to agree with you!”
“Guys, I really feel like you shouldn’t be shouting at each other like this,” James says, but his protests are ignored. Everyone is watching them now. James’ eyes flit over to Regulus, whose scowl is as deep as ever. His friends, Crouch and Rosier, however, seem to be enjoying the show. James feels his heartbeat pick up again as he realizes that people who aren’t even sitting with them have started to watch the argument, as Sirius and Remus start to actually shout at each other.
James makes eye contact with Peter, who gives him a pitying smile. Pete knew just how James felt, often being dragged into the fights as well. Merlin, could they go an hour without picking a fight?
“Well if you don’t need a reason to hug him then why won’t you hug me?” Sirius yells, waving his hands around like a bloody maniac.
“Because I don’t want to!”
“Why the fuck not?”
“Well right now you’re being a bit of a prick, aren’t you?”
“So you’ll hug Wormy and you’ll hug Prongs, but not me?”
“That’s what I just said, isn’t it?”
As the volume escalates, James can only hear his heart beating in his ears. They were always so loud. Everything was always so loud. He was tired of it. Of the screaming. Of the awkward silence after the fights. Of having to get them to make up. Gods, he was just so tired. Before James can even register it, he’s yelling.
“Christ, can you both just shut up and stop fighting for thirty bloody seconds? Some of us don't really want to hear it!” James shouts, standing up.
Sirius yelps as he falls out of James lap and onto the cold stone floor, looking up at James with his mouth agape. Remus looks at James with slightly wide eyes, mouth pressing into a thin line.
James runs his hands down his face. “Alright look, Remus can hug whoever he likes and Sirius can be offended by whatever he wants. There, problem solved, spat over.” He stands there for a few seconds before adding “Sorry for shouting.”
James picks his drink back up and knocks it back. He looks back up… and the whole group is still looking. At him, this time. James swallows a bout of nausea. “What? Don’t look at me like that. Everyone was thinking it,” he grumbles.
“I was definitely thinking it,” Marlene says, raising her hand and nodding enthusiastically in agreement.
Sirius flips her the bird as he stands up and brushes himself off. He grabs his own drink, very pointedly looking at anything but James.
“Padfoot,” James says, hand reaching out to him.
Sirius shakes his head and walks over to an empty armchair, slouching into it. James sighs and looks at Remus, an apology written across his face.
Remus sighs. “It’s fine James. Sit back down.”
James sits, staring down at his shoes once again. Oh that was mean, wasn’t it? He felt mean. He shouldn’t have raised his voice like that. What was wrong with him, he didn’t raise his voice. Not like that. Never at Sirius. Oh, he was mean. He was such a bad friend- why did he yell like that? Regulus must have been thinking the same things as James, because in an instant he was standing in front of the sofa, scowling down at James expectantly.
“What?”
“Did you not hear me, Potter? I asked if- if I could sit where you are.” Regulus says. It sounded like the words hurt to say, clawing at his throat as they came out of his mouth.
“Oh,” James looks over at Remus. “That's okay with you Moons?”
“Er- yeah, sure,” Remus says, eyes flickering between Regulus and over James' shoulder, where Sirius is sitting.
James stands up and moves past, letting Regulus sit down. Just as he's about to ask where he’s supposed to sit, a voice calls out to him.
“You can sit with us, James. Plenty of space,” Pandora says, patting the seat next to her.
James gives her a smile as he settles into the seat between Pandora and Dorcas, suddenly feeling cornered.
“They do that a lot, do they?” Dorcas asks.
“Erm, yeah, sort of. They don’t always shout though.”
Pandora nods, swaying to the music with her eyes closed. “Yes, lots of tension there, I think. Like with you and Reg.”
James frowns. “Well- no. Remus and Sirius are friends. Sure they get on each other’s last nerve, but they couldn’t ever hate one another. Plus I-”
Dorcas raises her eyebrows. “So you hate Regulus, then?”
“No but- well he hates me. It’s sort of obvious. Also he says so like every fifteen minutes.”
Pandora smiles, her voice soft and singsongy “He doesn’t hate you. He hates the idea of you. In practice, not so much, I think.”
James blinks. “He said that?”
“No.”
“Well how do you know that then?”
Her eyelids flutter open and her bright blue eyes bare into his. She shrugs at him, her lips twitching like he said something funny.
“The same way I know lots of things. I just do.”
“You learn not to question it. She’s got very accurate intuition,” Dorcas says.
“Yeah,” James says, as Pandora put her hands in his.
“Would you like to dance, James?” she asks, as she stands. She doesn’t wait for an answer pulling him to his feet.
“I- sure.”
James lets Pandora pull him to the dance floor. He watches as she dances, twirling in circles and swaying with her eyes closed, humming a song that is definitely not playing.
“Watching me dance and dancing yourself aren’t the same thing, James,” she says with a smile, eyes still closed as she waves her arms.
James smiles, caught a little off guard. She was a bit scary, wasn’t she? So he dances with her, letting her take his hands and spin him around to the beat of a different song than everyone else. He laughs when she twirls him around, enjoying himself so much, he doesn’t notice the hair on the back of his neck stand up.
★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★
Regulus didn’t like shouting. It was an overrated and rather unnecessary form of communication. And, well it reminds him of Mother. But when James Potter shouted at his brother and Lupin- oh Regulus couldn't help but be a rather big fan of shouting, so long as it was Potter who did it. It was surprising in the moment, but it really wasn’t. Sirius had a habit of getting on everyone’s last nerve. But Regulus had never seen Potter so angry. It was- well it was rather attractive. An understatement, really, it was fucking hot . If it had been up to Regulus’ cock, the rest of the evening would have been spent with Potter’s tongue down his throat. Luckily enough though, Regulus has a brain to combat such stupid impulses. Thank Merlin for that. As if he’d snog Regulus in the first place- James Potter was far too straight and definitely too righteous for a hate fuck. To his own frustration, Regulus found himself browning at the thought.
Another upside to Potter’s outburst was getting to talk to Lupin. The conversation had started as Regulus being petty, wanting to get back at his brother for making a scene at his party. But, both to Regulus' delight and dismay, he actually liked talking to Remus. He was remarkably quick-witted and just as snarky as Regulus was, but he was also oddly a lot like Pandora. Lupin said what he wanted and did what he wanted, and a part of Regulus can’t help but admire that. Plus the bloke was a mystery, and Regulus could definitely appreciate a good mystery. It was astounding to him that Lupin had gone seven years without letting the general Hogwarts public find out what exactly had happened to him. The scars, old and new- Regulus had just assumed he had been in an accident when he was younger and moved on, but really, he didn’t know. He would never admit it, but he was curious. Not enough to ask, or to snoop, because he wasn’t a senseless child with no decorum, but still, he was curious.
But as interesting as Lupin was, Regulus knew he was distracted. It was embarrassing. He kept staring off at the dance floor, watching Pandora twirl around Potter in circles. And if Regulus had a heart, it might swell a little at the sight that followed- Potter finally laughing again.