Guiding light
Whatever James was expecting to hear, this was not it. Even worse was that he caught himself thinking that he would be less put off if Regulus said he was involved in organ trafficking or something, at least that would be honest. This blatant lie was like a slap to his face.
Not to mention that this was not the way he expected today to go.
Less than five minutes ago James shuffled to the kitchen and opened the fridge to find something to drink. He still felt a little bit uncomfortable doing so with Regulus not being right behind his back to guide him through what was okay to do and what was not.
The selection of things to choose from was rather sparse: there was an odd packet of what looked like tomato juice and a carton of milk. James chuckled making a mental note to take Regulus on another grocery shopping date since it was the only way he agreed to do the chore. James settled for the tomato juice, cut the odd-looking pack open, and poured the contents into the glass.
The taste was, well, odd. James thought he had just drunk the grossest tomato juice ever, or maybe it had gone bad in the fridge. It took him a good minute, a sniff, and another sip of the liquid to realize it was not juice at all. With shaking hands, James took the bag and flipped it. There was a name, age, and blood type on it. It was either a very believable prop from the holiday that was over a month ago or it was the actual donor blood. James felt like he knew the answer.
Well, rather he did know the answer because the horrible taste in his mouth could not be mistaken for anything, not even tomato juice that had gone bad. What he didn’t know was what to do now. Suddenly there were so many questions, his head was spinning.
Who was this Amanda whose blood he just drank? Why there was a bag with Amanda’s blood in Regulus’ fridge? There should be a logical explanation for this, right? Maybe Regulus was sick? Maybe someone Regulus knew was sick? Maybe it actually was a Halloween prop? Okay, the last one was rather unlikely since James was the one putting food in Regulus’ fridge for at least two weeks, the thing was not there a couple of days ago.
And then Regulus stepped into the kitchen.
“Babe, do you have anything…” he trailed off, his eyes landing on the bag in James’ hand, then on the glass on the table. Then his gaze found James’ face and his eyes went big in absolute panic as his skin went paper white.
“I can explain…” he yelped.
“I really fucking hope so,” James said, his voice was even, way too calm for the way he felt. And he never meant anything more in his entire life.
Regulus’ breathing was rapid and shallow and James was not sure how he managed not to reach out and wrap him in his arms.
“Ummm… I’m ummm… A vampire,” Regulus all but blurted out and James wished he said nothing at all.
“Vampire,” James repeated. “Really?”
“Well, not like in the movies, no. But there’s this umm virus thing, I need to refill my blood from time to time, to stay healthy and, well alive. The disease has no proper name, it is very rare, but “a vampire” is the closest description.”
“Maybe you should try again,” James said as he put the bag down on the table. “I will take any explanation that at least resembles the truth,” James hated that he outright said he would take a lie, that he let Regulus know just how much power he held over him.
“I’m not lying, James. Please, please I can explain. I’d need Remus’ help if you need all the medical details but…”
“Remus?”
“Yes. He has this thing too. And Sirius. He can explain better than me, but…”
“Really? What’s next?” James interrupted. “You are going to tell me you’re a hundred years old?” Regulus averted his eyes, and James didn’t even need the answer. “Okay. Whatever.”
He went out of the kitchen, threw on some clothes, and went to the door. Regulus seemed to come to his senses by then and he followed James.
“James, please, let me explain. I promise I can explain.”
“Reg,” James put on the shoes and grabbed his coat. “You literally have human blood in your fridge and you gave me the most bullshit explanation for it. What am I supposed to think, huh? It is not like you can buy that in the closest supermarket.”
Regulus looked at him with big eyes, his pupils wide in the dimly lit hallway.
“I would have told you, I promise. It’s just... it’s been not that long since we started dating, it is not a thing to damp on someone so early into the relationship.”
“No, it is not,” James agreed. “But Reg, you lying to me will not lead anywhere.”
“I’m not…” Regulus stopped. “It is not what it seems like…”
“Then what is it?”
Regulus said nothing. James walked out of the door.
The thing is even with such a short amount of time James fell for Regulus. He knew he had a tendency to go all in, but honestly, they had known each other for two months, been dating for one month, who falls in love so fast?
The most terrifying thought yet was that if this happened a bit later, if it happened after they said I love yous James would stay. If it was something Regulus genuinely believed in or if the ridiculous story was a cover for something else James would be fine with it. How and why would not even matter.
That night James cried himself to sleep. Never before walking away from another person hurt this much. Never mind that he knew the person for such a short time.
Being with Regulus was so right, so natural. For years James felt like he was lost, like he had been stumbling in the dark not knowing what he was even doing. When Regulus showed up something clicked. That’s who I’ve been looking for James thought. Losing that so early, so suddenly, was not something James was ready for.
The next day when he dragged himself out of the bed, and to his Saturday early morning shift at the coffee shop Regulus was the first customer. It was when James mentally patted himself on the back for not having a habit of oversharing, so no one here knew who Regulus was and that they were dating.
“Hi,” he said quietly and glanced at Marlene who eyed him warily. She disliked him since that first night when Regulus went into the shop and acted odd. “Can I have the usual, please?”
James made Earl Grey tea as Marlene stepped out into the backroom and Regulus started talking.
“James, can we talk? Please?”
“Do you want to explain?”
“Yes. I want to.”
“Is your explanation any different from what you said yesterday?” Regulus stared at him. “Reg, I don’t want lies. Tell me the truth whatever that is.”
“I won’t lie, I know you won’t like it, but I promise it is the truth.” James sighed and pushed the tea towards him. “James, Please.”
“You’re holding the line,” James looked at the person standing behind Regulus and did his best impression of the barista smile. “Hello, what can I get you?”
The hurt look on Regulus’ face was not something James ever wanted to see, definitely not so early in the morning. It haunted him throughout the day, during the night, and the next morning too.
Regulus came back every day ordering the same thing and asking if he could explain. James would ask the same questions: if he would tell the truth, whatever the explanation was.
It was going on for over a week and James was not sure if it would be easier if Regulus just stopped coming.
Soon enough he got the answer to that. Regulus did stop coming.
It was another week later when James was on the verge of messaging Regulus asking if everything was fine when a bell chimed over the door and James sighed. Because he had to serve yet another coffee when he was all twitchy and restless and didn’t know what to do with himself. He also would never understand the urge to get coffee at ten in the evening. On Friday.
It was Remus who stood on the other side of the till.
“Hi. Can I have black tea, no sugar,” he said simply. “And we need to talk.”
James noticed this thing about Remus: he was nice and almost gentle most of the time, but at the same time there was something that told you not to cross him over. Like now, the wording we need to talk gave off a non-negotiable position. James somehow felt like he wouldn’t say no even if he knew how to say no.
There were few people in the coffee shop and it was time to start evening cleaning anyway so he left the till and sat opposite from Remus.
“So, what did you want to talk about?”
“Regulus. Me. Sirius. Our situation in general. I know it is hard to believe in it, and I’m not asking you to do so straight away. You didn’t let Regulus explain though, so here I am.”
“I thought I’d see his brother if I’m being honest.”
“Oh, you could have. His initial plan was to murder you. Then there were at least 10 other plans, I’m afraid I can’t voice them, but trust me, a murder sounded generous in comparison to those,” James was left speechless, so he let Remus go on. “They both shit at communication, I’m afraid,” Remus slid a couple of old-looking photographs towards James. “I’m not the best at it either, but I’m the practical one. You can believe it or not, but please, give him a chance to explain. He’s not taking this well at all.”
“He’s not taking it well?” James gestured at his puffy eyes and overall disheveled appearance.
“Both of you. Me and Sirius by extend, to be honest,” Remus tapped on the pictures. “These are all I have, Regulus has a few more,” James finally glanced down. And once he did, he could not look away. There was a black-and-white picture with six people in it. James saw himself, Regulus, Sirius, Remus, and two more men that seemed vaguely familiar. It was very, very odd. Why James was in this picture? Who were the people he did not recognize? “It is you in your past life. I wish there were more proofs, but honestly, these are all I have. Except for the memories, of course.”
“This is odd,” James muttered.
“It is,” Remus said. “I’m not sure if it's science or what, but looking at you now makes me believe in the supernatural.”
“You literally claiming to be a vampire and you don’t believe in the supernatural?”
“Vampire,” Remus huffed. “I don’t like the term, but it is the best we have. And It is a virus, a sickness, or a gift, depending on how you look at it, but it is hardly supernatural. The way your and Regulus’ souls intertwined though, it is something rare. I know you can tell it too because I feel the same way about Sirius,” James looked up from the photographs. There was something comforting about Remus, the way his warm eyes crinkled as he smiled. “Talk to him, give him a chance to explain.”
James couldn’t help but roll his eyes. “Why do I feel like you knew what you were doing when you came here?”
“Because I knew what I was doing, who do you take me for?” James could not help but smile at that. He could see himself being friends with him.
“Were we close? In that life, I mean,” he nodded towards the pictures. James found the entire thing unsettling, but having physical evidence that Regulus might have told the truth, well, it was something.
“Yes. You and Regulus were the most disgustingly sweet couple one can imagine, you and Sirius were best friends. It was the type of friendship that might have even made me jealous if I didn’t see the way you looked at Regulus.”
“What about me and you?”
“We didn’t have an opportunity to become as close as you were with Sirius, but we were friends,” Remus sipped his tea. “Please, talk to him.”
James just stood there for a while thinking of what he was going to say, but his head was strangely empty. He mostly just wanted to see Regulus and see for himself that he was fine and that Remus was exaggerating.
He knocked on the door and waited. It took a while.
“Sirius if you came here to scold me again…”
When Regulus opened the door James could not help but stare for a couple of seconds. As beautiful as Regulus was, he didn’t look his best. It was enough for James to surge forward. He could not stop himself, nor he wanted to. It was mostly his fault because he never let him explain. James felt Regulus go limp against him. He made no sound, but by the way he was shaking James could tell he was fighting sobs. They managed to take a few steps into the flat and close the door without disturbing their embrace.
“I’m sorry,” James mumbled into Regulus’ hair.
“James,” Regulus’ voice was muffled. “You’re here.”
“Yes, I wanted to apologize, I overreacted. I should have at least let you explain.”
“You’re here now,” Regulus didn’t look at him, his forehead rested against James’ shoulder, and his arms snaked around James’ waist.
“Yes, and I will listen and try to understand.”
“Why are you here though? I thought you didn’t want to see me.”
“Let’s say Remus can be very convincing,” Regulus lifted his head.
“Remus?”
“Mhm,” James tucked Regulus’ loose curl behind his ear. “He brought some pictures, they looked rather convincing.” James could see it like in slow motion as realization reflected on Regulus’ face.
“Fuck,” he groaned and dropped his forehead back on James’ shoulder. “Why I never even thought about those?”
They settled on the sofa in front of each other.
“Okay,” Regulus started. “Maybe you should ask questions, what do you want to know?”
“The day you first came into the cafe. You acted a little bit odd.”
“A little bit,” Regulus huffed. “I acted very odd. I recognized you right away and I didn’t know what to do. The first thing I did was message Sirius and he wanted to come and see it was really you.”
“Okay,” James tried to think of all the things he wanted to ask. He should have made a list in the notes on his phone or something. “What was true from everything you told me about yourself? Did you lie about what you do for living? If whatever you saying is true, it is awful, work for so many years and no retirement in sight.”
“Everything except my general situations with,” Regulus gestured towards the kitchen, James understood what he meant. “As for the job, well, we don’t have to work, not really. The Black family is wealthy enough. Technically Sirius is the only one with what I’d call a real job. He literally goes into the office to do some shit for a logistics company. It’s been a couple of years and I still have no idea why he even took this job. I take freelance writing projects when I want to, sometimes I help my cousin with the family business.”
“Family business?”
“Uh… Yeah. Cissa runs it, but sometimes she needs help. So we step in from time to time.” James looked at Regulus waiting for him to elaborate. “I’m sorry, I’m just trying to think of how to explain it. It’s not that I don’t want to, I just never done it before, I’m trying to find proper words,” Regulus tapped his index finger on his knee. “We own a couple of auction houses, we help people evaluate and sell art, rarities, antiques, jewelry, etc. It is mostly legal, not all of it, of course, but most of it.”
James hummed, trying to wrap his mind around new information.
“Remus said you have more pictures?”
“Yes,” Regulus got up and went to the bookshelf to retrieve what looked like a journal. “There are only a few,” he opened it and handed James a couple of photographs. Unlike those Remus showed him, in these pictures, there were only two of them. James took one photo carefully. They were posing for the photograph at what looked like a dining room in a fancy house. Regulus sat on the chair, James was behind him, his arms wrapped around Regulus’ shoulders.
“Were we?..”
“We were in love,” there was a small smile on Regulus’ face. “And then you died,” he scoffed.
“How did I die?” the question hung in the air.
“You got shot. I had another cousin, Bellatrix, who shot you. She did it because of me. I’ve been sick for a while and Remus cured me by giving me his blood. Back then he was not sure how it worked or if he’d be able to help. But, well, he cured me. Then Sirius got sick too. There’d been this epidemic going around, and Remus tried to help. That’s how my two best friends and my two other cousins got cured too. Later he’d figured out what it actually meant. By then Bella got suspicious. She’d been very religious, like a fanatic type of religious. So she and the group of people who were attending the same church started to investigate how it happened that a bunch of people miraculously got healed from the deadly disease. One person we had in common was you, the other one - Remus. No one suspected him though since he was doctor’s apprentice. You had an annoyingly good immune system which didn’t help because you never got sick in the first place. So Bella thought it was you who tainted her sisters and her cousins. She shot you to get revenge.”
“Wow,” James blinked. “That’s intense.”
“Yeah. Before you died you promised you’d find me in your next life,” James smiled at that. He didn’t really know if any of this was true, if Regulus really lived that long if it was him who made the promise, but it did sound like something he would do.
“That I did,” he said.”
“I found you, actually,” Regulus rolled his eyes.
“Why didn’t you turn me into this vampire thing that is not vampiering like in the movies?”
“As I said, It is not like in movies,” Regulus sighed. “The virus needs an incubation period, and your immune system might kill it and we’d need to try again. You bled out in a matter of minutes.”
James felt oddly guilty about that. Should he apologize?
“I’m sorry?” he blinked.
“You apologise for daying?” Regulus laughed. Well, at least James managed to make him laugh. “You’re ridiculous.”
“Well yeah,” James cocked his head. “In this lifetime would you infect me with this thing?
“Yes, but not now and only if you’d want to,” Regulus fidgeted with his ring. “Look, I’m terrified something might happen to you again, but I’m not doing this unless you are absolutely sure you want it. And we had this fight and we were not talking for two weeks I thought we were done,” Regulus’ voice cracked on the last sentence and James felt guilty about it too.
“We’re not done,” James bumped their shoulders. They will talk about it later. “I’m sorry again. That I overreacted.”
“Your reaction was valid, I shouldn’t have left a bag with human blood in the fridge when I knew you could have seen it. Why am I so stupid when it comes to you? I promise I'm smarter than this," Regulus banged his head on James’ shoulder and James laughed. He wrapped his arms around Regulus and kissed the top of his head pulling him in. It was a bit awkward position so he shifted around to settle in comfortably, letting Regulus cuddle up against him. It felt so right, it was the place where James was supposed to be. He was not lost anymore, he had his star guiding him.
“Can you stay? Please?” Regulus’ voice was only a little bit louder than a whisper.
“Yes,” James said simply. The answer came so easy to him, he had not doubted it for a second.
He was not sure if Regulus asked him to stay for tonight or in general. He didn’t need to clarify though because he decided he was going to do both.