Halloween
James’ leg was bouncing up and down while he was sitting in the back room during his lunch break, typing, erasing, and retyping the message he wanted to send Regulus.
He wanted to invite him over. He didn’t know how to do it.
He did not regret not doing it three weeks ago, the first night they properly talked to each other. The “someone-kind-of-sort-of-broke-into-his-apartment” incident was a little over 24 hours old, and Regulus was a stranger so it was justified. Now it would be justified too if he didn’t want to. But James kind of did want to. But now it felt like an odd timing. There was no excuse, but did he even need an excuse? They were sort of friends and it is a normal thing to hang out with friends at your own place, right?
The few weeks in between that night and this morning had been weird. Good weird, but weird nonetheless.
Never in his life had James felt this comfortable with someone this fast. He had fast friends before, sure, but those were either schoolmates which meant they spent a lot of time in each other’s company; or those were Tinder dates gone wrong and instead of a one-night-stand, he had someone to meet up with over lunch at Uni canteen and gossip about people the other person didn't know. Regulus was neither of those.
And James was intrigued by him. Also, he could not explain it, but he had an odd feeling that they knew each other. And he had a growing suspicion that Regulus felt the same way because sometimes some things slipped off his tongue that supplied that it was a thing.
They went from being strangers to whatever this was in no time. Conversations over texts led to phone calls and then led to meetings every other day. James knew they were moving towards something, there definitely was something between them too, an attraction that had been there since the moment Regulus entered the coffee shop. And, well, that was what terrified James.
The thing is, one of the most disappointing discoveries James had made about himself in the past few years was that he hated sharing his personal space with another human being. Which was shocking, to say the least.
At school, he used to share the dorm with 3 other boys and he was totally fine with it. It was not like he liked it, but it never bothered him. He went back to his parents’ house every summer too, and his parents often had friends or family visiting, so wherever he lived James was always surrounded by people.
Before he moved out to his own flat right at the start of his first semester at Uni, he was absolutely sure he would hate it, he was certain he would feel lonely. On a moving day, he was grouchy and wanted to throw away the keys and go back to his parents’ house.
A week after he moved he was in a very bad mood again, but for the opposite reason. He was not lonely, not at all. He liked that he didn’t have to tell anyone where he was going or where he had been, he could go to get an ice cream at the corner shop at 2 a.m., eat instant noodles in the kitchen at 3 a.m., come back home from a bar at 4 a.m. and no one would ask questions. It was not that his parents ever restricted him, but knowing that he could do anything but he’d have to explain later vs. knowing that he could do anything without having to explain felt so much better, and it was scary. Because how many other things about himself he didn’t know then?
Over the months that followed he got so used to this, that when he went back to his childhood home for Christmas the house started to feel suffocating after a week and he needed to make an excuse to leave right after New Year’s.
Then came the issue of his partners. The people he dated were always welcome to come over, sure. But then a couple of months into a relationship he got annoyed when his girlfriend would leave her toothbrush in his bathroom, her clothes in his drawers, organize the kitchen cabinets the way she liked, and go grocery shopping to fill his fridge and buy a brand of tea he didn’t like.
He was annoyed with himself too, because this was not how he was supposed to feel about someone he presumably wanted to date long-term or even move in with.
He also would not breathe a word about it, not wanting to make her uncomfortable.
He thought something was wrong with him. Then he thought that she simply wasn’t the right person. Then, he discovered he was into guys too, so he assumed that maybe the “girl” part was the issue but nope. A guy’s toothbrush annoyed him just the same.
So, James kind of decided to step out of it. Of having, or rather wanting to have, long-term romantic relationships. Which he also would not expect from himself. His parents were always an example for him, he assumed his life would be the same. But this was better than the constant state of irritation he was in during his previous relationships.
This was the reason why James was terrified. He knew Regulus for a mere few weeks, but he liked him a lot and with every new detail he discovered he liked him a little bit more. Even now he could totally picture himself dating him for a long time and wanting more and it was even before they went on a proper date or anything more than harmless flirting happened. He didn’t want to mess it up. He felt like he would be the one to do something wrong since no one could ever tell how messed up in the head he was, because James was too convincing in pretending normal, considering he managed to fool even himself.
But on the morning of October 31st he woke up with a newfound determination to make a move. All because last night he had an epiphany of sorts: what did he have to lose if he never had anything in the first place? Regulus made it rather clear he liked James and he was on board with the “getting to know each other” part and he seemed to be willing to wait for James to sort out whatever was going on in his head. James was thankful for that but that was not fair. So now James was determined to try and he always might try and explain why he was so hesitant.
If he ever even gets to the part where he invites Regulus over. Maybe he should take him out though? They can go to a restaurant or something.
Half an hour went by, the tea on the table went cold and James still did not have anything except a pathetic “Hey, do you want to hang out tonight?”. James tapped “send” button and before he could come up with something more suitable to follow it up with the message was read and a bubble with “Sure, I’ll come to pick you up after work” stared back at him.
“Very fucking smooth, Potter,” James mumbled as he tossed a tea bag to the trash can, washed his mug, and went to serve more coffees.
James’s shift ended at six and he stayed behind for a little bit to help with the line of customers in witchy hats, colorful wigs, and superhero costumes.
He ran out of the shop and spotted Regulus’ car, walked over to it briskly.
“Hey, I’m sorry I’m late. It was a crazy day,” James said as he sat in the passenger seat. Regulus didn’t seem to mind though.
“Hi,” he smiled. “Coffee?”
“Really? I just went out of the shift in a coffee shop, Regulus!”
“Yeah, but this is a coffee from a different coffee shop.”
“Are you making me cheat on my workplace?” James gasped. “Right in front of it too!”
“Like you don’t buy coffee from other places,” Regulus rolled his eyes. “So? Yes? No?”
“Yeah,” James sighed. Regulus laughed and tapped one of two cups.
“This one has sugar.”
“Thank you,” James took the cup and sipped the drink, it was good.
“So, what’s the plan for today?” Regulus asked glancing over at James. Well, now or never.
“Um. Do you mind coming over to mine, maybe?” James felt his heart beating rapidly in his chest, he was looking at the paper cup as his thumb was sliding over the lid back and forth. “You don’t have to, of course, I just thought I might ask if you wanted to come if it is okay, but you don’t have to… Yeah.”
“Are you sure?” Regulus asked tentatively. “I promise it is alright if…”
“I’m sure. I was thinking maybe we could make dinner, and watch some scary movies.”
“Scary movies,” Regulus said in a flat tone. But he started the car and pulled out from the alleyway and into the street.
“Isn’t it what people do on Halloween?”
“Aren’t people trick-or-treating on Halloween? Or go to themed parties?”
“Kids, maybe. Other than that I don’t know.”
“You don’t know? Kind of unexpected, this sounds like something you would enjoy. You’re full of surprises,” Regulus laughed.
“I liked it as a kid, kind of. Well, I thought I liked it. But when I grew older I figured that I didn’t really care about it,” it was not exactly a lie. James ignored the holiday for the past few years altogether. The last time he did something for it was his first year at Uni when he dressed up as a nurse just to win a bet. “My parents used to celebrate it when I was a kid, then my boarding school used to make a huge thing out of it and it was hard to ignore when every single person participated. But then I started living on my own and I didn’t have to do it anymore. So yeah, it is a regular day for me,” James glanced over at Regulus. “And what about you? Did I break some grand plans? Will I see your costume?”
“No, and no. I don’t like Halloween.”
“Huh? Really? You’re all mysterious and broody, why wouldn’t you?” Regulus clenched his jaw and James knew he asked the wrong question. “Look, it’s okay if you don’t want to tell me…”
“It’s fine, it’s not that. The reason I don’t like Halloween is that someone dear to me died on that night. It was a long time ago, but it used to remind me of what happened. And I never celebrated it ever since.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” was all James managed to say. Yeah, it was definitely the wrong thing to ask.
“It’s okay,” Regulus smiled as he glanced at James. “It was years ago. It’s just that it is not the best holiday for me, that’s it.”
“Well, let’s make it the best Halloween we ever had for the both of us,” James smiled back.
Thirty minutes later James was striding through aisles in a grocery store picking up the ingredients for the lasagna they agreed on. James would not make it as a first date dish (yes, he decided this was a date, but he had yet to inform Regulus), but they bickered about it the entire ride to the store. So lasagna it is.
“Can I ask you something?” Regulus was rolling the cart next to him.
“Yes, sure.”
“On the day of my attempt to win you over by my horrendous flirting, why did the girl who ordered the coffee after me assume I was your boyfriend?”
“Ah…” James did not expect that question. He did not expect Regulus to remember if he was being honest. “So you remember I’m a people pleaser, right?”
“Sure.”
“So Meddie, that’s the girl, she used to hit on me like every other day.”
“And you couldn’t just say no, I assume?”
“Of course I couldn’t! Instead, I said I was dating someone. And then she said when I break with her she would make sure she’d be available, so I panicked and said it was a “he”.”
“There was no “he”?”
“No, there was no “he”, as well as there was no “she”. And then, I have no idea why she assumed you were my boyfriend, it was literally our second conversation, and we were not even friendly, but yeah.”
Regulus hummed and they moved on to a different topic. James wondered if Regulus was thinking about all this time.
Picking groceries with Regulus turned out to be the most fun grocery shopping experience James had ever had. Regulus turned out to be quite a snob, which should not even be surprising considering everything James learned about him so far. But he absolutely did not expect Regulus to fight him over absolutely everything: the type of cheese, the brand of lasagna sheets, the tomato sauce, wine, and even spices. It was so ridiculous that James thought he might die from laughter.
Combined with James’ overall fondness for grocery shopping, which he never viewed as a chore, it could be considered a date in itself. “A grocery shopping date”. Sounded odd, but James was here for it.
Another hour later James found himself on a couch in his living room, lasagna in the oven, a glass of wine in his hand Regulus in front of him talking animately about the orange kitten his brother’s husband brought home the other day.
He liked watching Regulus talk. He liked it when he shared what he was thinking. They went for lunch a couple of times in the past few weeks and James witnessed how reserved Regulus was around other people. Polite, but keeping considerable distance. It made James feel warm and fuzzy and so special that he was the one Regulus had chosen to ramble to about types of cat food.
James was not sure when he moved or how it happened that he was so close to Regulus who trailed off half-sentence.
“James?”
“Is it okay if I kiss you?” James whispered. Regulus nodded, but as he leaned in Regulus placed his hand on the side of James’ neck and whispered, “Hey, are you sure? Are you sure you want this?”
“I’m sure,” James blinked. “You want this too, right?”
Regulus only rolled his eyes and moved to kiss James.
It was probably both the best and the worst first kiss James ever had. They really tried to get into it, but both failed to contain their smiles and eventually burst out laughing. James really had no idea why he was so hesitant about any of this he never felt as comfortable with anyone as he felt with Regulus. After the laughter died down Regulus pushed himself onto James’ lap and took his face in both of his hands.
“Should we try once again?” he said in a low voice.
“Yeah,” James breathed.
And this, this was the best kiss James had ever had in his entire life. As good as it was feeling safe and comfortable to laugh at a ridiculous snog attempt this was way better. His skin was burning, his head eas spinning, his hands seemed to have a mind of their own wandering over Regulus’ body, touching, exploring. They broke only briefly to gasp for air and went back right into it. James didn’t know how much time had passed, but eventually, when the beeping noise of the oven made them break apart once more James blinked as he took in Regulus’ ruffled appearance and grinned widely.
“Was it worth the wait?” he asked. Something flushed behind Regulus’ eyes.
“Absolutely,” said Regulus as he leaned in to kiss him again.
“Let’s take the lasagna out and we can go on,” James said but made no move to do so.
“Okay,” Regulus said before kissing him again and James couldn’t help but laugh.
“Really though, I’m hungry,” but James tugged Regulus close, which made Regulus gigle.
“Okay, dinner time,” Regulus slid off James’ lap and moved towards the kitchen.
Later, after the dinner, when James made a speech about how irresponsible it would be for Regulus to drive right now and the scandalous prices of London taxis James handed Regulus a pair of fluffy pj bottoms and a hoodie to get comfortable for the movie marathon.
They moved pillows and blankets to the living room floor, and spent the night watching movies, kissing, eating candies, kissing some more.
James drifted off to sleep with Regulus next to him and a movie about vampires James didn’t even knew the name of playing in the background.
. The morning was slow, comfy, not a bit of awkwardness that is often there when a new person stays over for the first time. James really was just relieved to find Regulus asleep in the cocoon of blankets and pillows they made last night, because it meant it was not a dream, it was actually happening
It was well into afternoon when Regulus headed to the door, James was very hesitant to let him go.
“I wanted to invite you somewhere, you can always say no,” Regulus said as he slipped into his shoes. “It’s my brother’s birthday on November 3d. We usually have a small dinner, nothing fancy. It’s our cousins, My brother and his husband, that’s it.”
“It sounds like a family event, no?”
“You’re my boyfriend so…”
“Am I?” James arched the eyebrow. He honestly didn’t expect it, not so fast at least, but the fluttering feeling in his chest and absolute absence of annoyance that another person spent a night at his place supplied that it was not the rushed next step, it was the right thing to do.
“I’m sorry, I just thought… I assumed…” Regulus was flustered and stuttering, adorable really.
“It’s okay,” James chuckles and pecked Regulus’ lips. “Boyfriend. I think we had skipped a few steps here, but I don’t mind.”
“What steps?”
“I don’t know, like a couple of dates, for example?”
“Wasn’t yesterday’ a date?” Regulus stared at him.
“Proper dates. When we both wear nice clothes, go out to a fancy place to eat, we hate the food and snobby people, we share embarrassing childhood stories and all that.
“We can do that too,” Regulus’ cheeks were tinted red as James lifted their laced hands and kissed Regulus’ knuckles.
“So what about that dinner?”
“Right. I’d like you to come to my brother’s birthday. As my date.” Regulus emphasized the word “date”.
“I’d love to,” James said.
“Good,” Regulus bit his bottom lip and stepped back into James’ space to kiss him again. “Okay,” he broke the kiss after a few minutes. “If I don’t go now I’ll never leave.”
He pecked James’ lips once again and ran out of the door.
James felt like a schoolgirl with a crush, but he didn’t care. This was the best he felt in a very long time, maybe ever.
When he was a little bit out of his haze and went to tidy up his place he noticed Regulus’ clothes from the night before on his bed. He chuckled only now realizing that Regulus left wearing his fluffy pajamas.
The other thing he realized was that he didn’t mind it at all.