Chapter 28
Although her many tasks and meetings with her friends occupied much of her time, Daisy deeply felt Theo's absence in the castle. She spent the first few nights sleeping with her brother, unable to be alone now used to sharing a bed with the Slytherin.
The boys who used to share the dormitory with Harry since first year had always accepted her presence inside the room as one of their own but Daisy was uncomfortable with occupying their room for so long so after the first week she forced herself to return to her dormitory. The first two nights had been a sleepless nightmare in which she kept turning over in bed looking for a comfortable position in which to sleep. It was only due to exhaustion that she collapsed into a deep sleep on the third day, not even giving herself time to remove her uniform.
The weeks passed quickly solely because of the letters she kept receiving. Apparently Theo had become like a second son to his godparents who took his education and mental health seriously.
He told her that for the first week of his absence, he had let himself go. Negative thoughts regarding his appearance and his cowardice for not returning to school were boulders against his chest that led him to what Remus explained was depression. He wrote that he didn't want to lie to her or make her feel guilty about his absence because she wasn't to blame for what his brain was telling him to do. He had spent several days lying in bed, unable to leave the warmth and comfort his blankets gave him.
Daisy's heart broke as she read the thoughts transcribed on those many pages that Theo sent, describing the guilt and despair he felt toward himself, the way he felt a burden that only interfered with the time Remus and Sirius were supposed to spend with each other. He felt too much. He felt too much, until he felt nothing.
Her godparents tried to persuade him to eat without getting any results, and when he stopped getting up even to attend to his physiological needs, the two men's concern reached its peak. They called Poppy and asked the nurse for a way to discreetly deal with the situation without frightening him.
He saw a therapist twice a week and was on medication that helped him find the strength to live. Again and again he repeated in his letters that it was not Daisy's fault, that her presence could in no way change the thoughts that had been buzzing inside him for years. He reassured her that despite his doubts and fears, the one constant in his life was the love he felt for her. He lived for her but Daisy wished he would strive to live for himself. He deserved it.
Of course, relapses happened and Sirius often wrote to Daisy to advise her on the best way to deal with the pain Theo was experiencing. He told her what Remus preferred during those days and was particularly keen to explain to her that he wasn't sure that Theo would be okay with the same things.
When Theo recovered from a pretty bad relapse, they met in Hogsmeade on a weekend off. He needed fresh air, to spend time with her and their friends. Although meeting with the other guys was to be done secretly, Daisy refused to follow the plan when it came to spending time alone. Even if Theo wanted to see her secretly, terrified at the mere idea that someone might hurt her because of him as some sort of twisted revenge for refusing to serve the Dark Lord, Daisy was adamant. They would spend time together in the sunlight, and Theo, who could never deny her anything, agreed. He was secretly happy to be able to hold her hand as they walked through the village, warding off any person who was planning to court her. It should have been clear to everyone that they belonged together. The only flaw in their plan was that they had to have chaperones in case someone decided to attack Theo in public. Sirius and Remus would be their bodyguards, which the young couple found a bit awkward but understood the need for such an action.
Daisy was eagerly awaiting their arrival while watching the students around her wander the streets of Hogsmeade. When they all stopped and looked at a spot in the distance as if they had been electrocuted, she knew they had arrived. Her mouth opened wide when she saw the three of them advancing as if they belonged there, grinning smugly as the whispers began. There was no doubt that they had dressed to draw attention to themselves, in fact he listened in disgust as several guys nearby appreciated the appearance of his adoptive parents.
But when Daisy's gaze landed on the figure of Theo, she ran toward him and threw herself into his arms. The Slytherin stepped back a few paces to support her, surprised by the force with which she leapt at him. But used to the girl's turbulent nature, he was able to handle the situation without losing his balance.
" I missed you so much. " the girl admitted, her face hidden against Theo's neck.
" Everyone is looking at us. " he pointed out to her, unsure.
" Does it bother you? " she said, releasing herself from the boy's grip and resting her feet back on the ground. Now their height difference was quite noticeable but it didn't bother her as much as it used to.
" No, if yours weren't there we would have given them a good show. " sneered Theo, teasing her. He caressed one of her cheeks where the girl was sure her blush was evident and lowered himself to leave a light kiss against her lips before reeling her back into a hug. " I missed feeling you against me. "
" Could we please be alone for a while? " Daisy asked, looking her godparents in the eyes while still holding a hand in her boyfriend's hair.
The men must have realized that they needed to talk in person about what was happening, that letters were not enough, so they agreed. Remus said he had the perfect place that would keep them safe from prying eyes and ears and guided them toward the shrieking shack.
" Moony... " Sirius said hesitantly, knowing the horrible memories that place brought back to the surface in the werewolf's mind.
" I'm fine. " the man reassured him, turning a tugged smile on his face as he looked at what the students called a haunted house. He will never forget the horror on the faces of his loved ones when they realized those screams were his. " Guys, you will have an hour and a half. "
" Thank you. " whispered Theo gratefully before crossing the threshold. Once inside he sat down on the battered mattress pushed against the wall and looked at her expectantly. Daisy sat beside him and intertwined their fingers, waiting patiently for him to find the right words to express how he felt.
" I just remember feeling completely alone, empty. " he said in a low voice, looking at their joined hands as if they gave him the strength to continue. " When that happens I try to remember the things that make me happy but all I can think about is the way I've always felt like shit my whole life since my mom left me. Then I think back to everything I have done or said since then and it becomes a vicious cycle where the only solution is to hate myself. I often think about what I could have done to change things for the better, to make everything less complicated, and I suffer. I feel all this pain and I think it will never stop. What will happen when I can no longer deal with it? "
Daisy didn't interrupt him a single time, listening carefully to every word that came from the boy's lips. She could feel the pain and humiliation he was feeling while opening his heart to her in the hope of gaining forgiveness for something that was not his fault. He was tired of pretending to be okay, he felt on the edge and was terrified at the mere possibility that all he could give her in the future was pain.
Daisy climbed on top of him as soon as she heard the first sob and held him close, stroking his hair the way she knew he used to soothe it. Seeing the way he was trying to stop crying, she urged him to let go because she would not abandon him for anything in the world. She kept telling him that she was by his side, that she was there for him.
" I don't know how you could ever be happy with someone like me. " Theo said, his head pressed against her chest in the hope that he could hide his eyes swollen from crying.
But Daisy heard the confusion in his voice anyway and grabbing his face in her hands, she forced him to look at her face so he could see how brutally serious she was about her intentions. There was no trace of disgust or pity on her face, only unconditional love and sadness for what he was facing. " Theodore Nott, there is no part of you that I don't love. Even the ones you insist on hiding from me because you don't like them. "
" I don't want you to stop looking at me like you usually do. " admitted Theo.
" It will never happen. Even in 50 years I will always want to jump on you when I see you. " Daisy said, proud that she made him smile slightly at the comment.
" Even with gray hair and without the magnificent physique I have now? " tried to joke the Slytherin, failing when his voice broke in the middle revealing the uncertainty he felt.
" Above all. " she promised, giving him a kiss on the forehead. They spent a few minutes cuddling so they could calm down when Daisy added, " You would totally be a Dilf. "
" You are ridiculous. " He huffed, trying to wipe away the remnants of tears with his sleeve and smiling gratefully at her for lightening the mood. " I love it. I adore you. "
" Of course. I am adorable. " she replied, crossing her hands behind his neck and looking at him intently.
" Harry was right when he wrote that my temper was beginning to affect you. " Theo commented aloud, beginning to gently caress the girl's hips with his thumbs. " I feel better after talking about it...thank you. "
" Don't talk nonsense, you don't need to thank me. " the girl gently scolded him, tenderly touching his lips. " Otherwise, how are things going at home? "
" Your parents decided that I should keep up with classes even though I was away from school. I think I'm even ahead of you with the topics covered. " The Slytherin rolled his eyes, trying to look distressed. However, his voice betrayed how much he appreciated the care the two men were showing for him. " And Kreacher is funny as hell, did you know that? He hates Sirius madly and I think he fucking burned all his clothes on purpose. "
Daisy snorted in amusement, sure the devious elf had done it on purpose. " How does he treat you and Remus instead? "
" After finally dealing with the fact that he removed the portrait of his precious mistress from the wall? She stopped ignoring him and if he needs anything he does it without any complaints. When he gave him a cup of tea, Remus sniffed it for fear it contained poison. Even Sirius burst out laughing in distrust. " The boy explained, amused. Then he looked at her smugly while telling her that he was being treated like a king. He grabbed her hips with a little extra strength and added, " Apparently being Miss Daisy's future husband has its advantages. "
" Like what? " she asked, blushing as she thought excitedly about how surely that grip would leave marks. Theo's nostrils flared slightly, a sign that some scent had caught his attention. When he looked at her with eyes darkened with desire, Daisy could not help letting out a moan as soon as she realized he could feel her excitement.
" How much time do we have left to be together? " The boy asked, leaving bites against her collarbone and going up her neck as he waited for an answer.
" About 30 minutes. " she said, distracted as she ran her fingers through the boy's wavy hair. She noted with pleasure that it had grown slightly and could not help but tug lightly at some of the strands experimentally.
" Baby. " he admonished her, biting his lip at the gesture. " The full moon is approaching and although it does not transform me, my emotions are quite amplified. It's up to you but I won't be able to go slow once I start. "
When he saw a glimmer of curiosity in the girl's eyes, he smiled broadly knowing that the comment had caused what he hoped for. " The clock is ticking Mr. Nott, will we do anything productive while we wait? "
" I love you madly. " he said, trying to kiss her despite the huge smile that adorned his lips. Daisy always managed to make him feel good no matter what, and if that time spent fiercely exploring their bodies would almost cause an attack on Remus, it mattered little to Theo. He would have gladly died at the hands of his future father-in-law a thousand more times if that was the price he had to pay for being loved by Daisy.