Which One of You Came Up With Snuffles Then?
Sirius awoke to the frantic buzzing of his wand on the bedside table. He shifted to grab the stick, but found his right arm was completely numb and stuck underneath a warm, sleepy, Remus Lupin; Who seemed to have snuggled into him during the night. Sirius smiled as he gently shimmied his arm from under the lad and got out of bed.
Silently, he got ready into his quidditch gear and put his record player away under his bed. He transfigured two glasses of water and set a vial of hangover potion on the bedside table, for when Remus and Hermione woke up. He leant down and brushed a kiss over Remus’s lips, grinning when he caught Remus’s lips twitch into a light smile in his sleep. Sirius walked around the bed and sat down on the edge, brushing the curls out of his little girl’s face, her magic sending sparks up his fingertips. He had been longing to see if her magic would react to him, if it could possibly be true. That one day in his future, Remus would have him, and love him enough to give him a child.
Sirius wasn’t sure of the mechanics behind children born of Wizards, well, he was certain at least on how they came to be. But the specifics after that were murky. All he knew was that the unspeakable’s looked after the process, and in the end you have a child, born of both your cores. And there she was, in his bed, next to her other father. His own little family, his future. Sirius couldn’t even put a name to the feeling of laying in bed next to them, kissing Remus, twirling his child’s curls between his fingers. It was pure joy.
He leant down and set a kiss on Hermione’s forehead, “I love you so much, my little star. We’ll be together again soon, I promise. I will find you and we will be a family again.”
Quidditch practise may as well have been a write off. The air had a chill that managed to cut through the team’s cloaks and leather, and freeze them to the bone. Poor Harry seemed to have the worst of it, his cheeks a shade of crimson, as he sped after the dummy snitch. The whole team dragged themselves through their drills, only hastening in their movements when the whistle blew to mark the last five minutes. Sirius however, spent the hour darting around the pitch, bright eyed and completely unfazed by the freezing winds whistling in his ear.
After they had packed up the equipment, Sirius practically bounced up to their dormitory, bursting with excitement to see Remus.
“What’s going on with you?” Asked James, jogging to catch up with Sirius. He was holding his hands under his armpits, his nose was bright pink and streaming. He had given Harry his thick cloak and sent him in to warm up the minute the final whistle went.
“Nothing.” Said Sirius, smiling to himself.
“No, go on. Was it Regulus and Draco coming over last night?” James pushed. “Unexpected, but rather nice of them. And I tell you what, Regulus is always welcome if he brings cakes like that with him. It was gorgeous!”
“Hm? Yeah, yeah it was nice. I’ll get us some for Yule if you like it?” Sirius said, now taking two steps a time up the tower.
“Can I have a new broom then, as well?” James asked.
“Yeah, yeah, of course mate.” Sirius responded.
“And one of your vaults?” James carried on, matching Sirius’s rushed pace.
“Uh-huh.” Sirius hummed in agreement.
“And Regulus’s hand in marriage?” James asked, grinning in disbelief.
“Yeah, yeah- wait, what?” Sirius stopped.
“Right, so that got your attention.” James chuckled. “You’re in your own world mate, what’s the rush?”
“No rush, I’m just feeling good today is all. Fresh, rejuvenated, I think sixteen is going to be good on me.” Sirius tried to brush off his friend, the last thing he needed was James to catch on to his situation, followed by twenty one questions on who, what, when and why. “I had a lovely birthday yesterday, I really enjoyed myself. Also, I am now the most eligible bachelor in the country-”
“Europe” James cut in.
“-Europe… Really? Well, even more a reason to feel merry.” Sirius huffed a laugh and made a move back up the stairs, spring still in his step as he whispered “Europe?” to himself.
Once they reached their room, Sirius beelined for his bed and pulled back the drapes to find- his bed empty. It was neatly made and there were two empty glasses and a potion vial on his bedside table. He flicked his wand and the curtains gathered open at each post. He looked over to Remus’s bed next his, it was untouched. Maybe he’s taken Mione down to breakfast, Sirius thought to himself as he grabbed his towel and made way to the bathroom.
He hissed as the steaming water run over him, he lathered his hair and rinsed out the layers upon layers of Sleekeazys he had caked on it. As per his usual morning routine, he jumped out of the shower, run his charmed razor over his face and dabbed aftershave around the nape of his neck and behind his ears. He reached for the bottle of Sleekeazys and faltered. He looked at himself in the mirror, springs of black curls starting to dry. Sirius pulled his fingers through his hair, he grabbed the bottle and thew it in the bin.
Not even waiting for James to shower, Sirius bounded down to the great hall, desperate not to miss Remus and Mione. He reached the Gryffindor table in record time and sat down next to Peter, directly across from Remus.
“Morning Sir, hair looks a bit different.” Pete greeted him, taking a sip of his tea.
Remus looked up and met Sirius’s gaze, his eyes darkened which sent a jolt through Sirius. Sirius quirked the side of his mouth and bit his lower lip. A heat run through his stomach when Remus’s cheeks tinted pink and quickly he averted his gaze away.
“Yeah Pete, was getting a bit fed up taming it every morning. Figured I had better things to do with my time.” Sirius responded, eyes not leaving Remus’s direction.
The boys ate in mostly silence, until James joined the group, nose still pink from their early morning training. “Blimey Sir, what happened there? Do I need to owl dad to recall a batch?” James chuckled, taking a seat next to Remus.
“Very funny Potter! Maybe, I don’t feel like bank rolling your retirement fund anymore. Maybe, I wish to embrace my natural charms.” Sirius said, shaking his hair and shooting a wink across the table to his friend.
Peter howled a laugh and James threw a piece of dry toast at him, that Sirius picked up from his lap and tore a bite off. There was a clatter of cutlery hitting a plate, Sirius looked up to see Remus storming off out of the hall.
“He’s been off all morning.” Peter moaned, reaching over for a second helping of the porridge. “Really jittery, probably all that bloody whisky he knocked back last night.”
“Yeah! He put it away alright, you two-” James pointed at Sirius with his knife, “drank at least a bottle between yourselves.”
“Hardly!” Sirius scoffed, “Only had a couple of glasses.”
“What a load of tosh, you two were all pink cheeked and jolly. Falling all over eachother, weren’t they?” James looked over to Peter, who nodded in agreement. “We got up to check in on you, making sure you weren’t choking on your own sick or something. Anyway, pulled back the drapes and Remus was snuggled up to you, and you were stroking his bloody hair.”
“Yeah, that’s right.” Peter snorted. “Quite the sight, the pair of you.”
“Pair of you must have been bladdered- ” James stopped mid sentence once Sirius caught his eye, Sirius glared at his best friend and raised his eyebrow at him. Daring him to say anything more on the matter. James mouthed ‘oh’ across the table, realisation washing over his face. He moved to say something, but Sirius rose from his seat and left for History.
Sirius and Remus spent the lesson in silence, occasionally glancing over to the other, as Professor Slughorn read from the text book in Professor Binn’s absence. “Of course, It’s all well and good parroting back what they want from you in your exams, but it doesn’t do well to explain just how destructive the witch trials were on the Wizarding community in Britain.” The Professor started. “You see, with the dwindling number of witches, the birth rates of live magical offspring plummeted. Does anyone know of the initiative that was put in place to avoid our extinction?”
Sirius raised his quill up in the air. Slughorn beamed, “Of course, Sirius m’boy.”
“The Pendle Agreement of 1614, whereby any two wizards may join their cores in hopes of bearing offspring, in effort to preserve the Wizarding community of Great Britain.” Sirius said, he could feel Remus watching him as he gave the answer.
“Spot on, Mr Black! Five points to Gryffindor!” The professor boomed. “Now, now, before people bring up the elitist undertones, I must point out one fundamental thing. There is no guarantee that the magic will pass to halfblood children, and by that I mean true halfblooded children born to one parent magical and one parent muggle. It has been proven that it is reliant on the strength of the magical parent’s core and bloodline.”
Sirius heard Remus tut next to him.
“Ancient bloodlines stick the best, as you will find if you were to ever visit Wales, for example. Arguably the motherland of British mage, with the highest concentration of ancient lines. You will find many a successful halfblood family there, hence why they have no problems re-populating. The rest of Britain is full of newer blood lines, which posed a problem when trying to get the numbers up quickly. The solution? Well, the ministry department of unspeakable’s made it possible for two wizards to bond and blend their cores to produce offspring.” Slughorn sat on the edge of his desk, the class for once seemed interested in the topic discussed.
“The added benefit of this is, of course, the equality this brought to same sex relationships in our community. As I’m sure you well know, it is something the muggles still frown upon to this day, but no one can help who they fall in love with. Anyone should be allowed to marry who they love, and with this advancement it meant they could have their own biological children if they so wished. Revolutionary magic, born out of a time of great adversity.” The professor smiled to himself and went back to reading out loud from the text book.
Sirius let go of a breath he didn’t know he was even holding. All he could think about was sitting on the edge of his bed that morning, taking in every little detail of the person he made with the man sitting next to him, the man he loved. It was entirely overwhelming, and yet so exciting to think that one day in his future he will wake up to Remus every morning, and a little curly haired baby they called Hermione.
The bell rang and the chair next to him scraped against the floor. Remus was gone, Sirius didn’t see him again until they were in their dorm that evening.
Remus snapped the drapes closed around his bed, the moment Sirius entered the room. It was clear as day how he felt and Sirius knew not to hang around where he was not wanted. Snatching the book Regulus had gifted him for his birthday, he stormed down the stairs and headed for the library.
There was a dark quiet corner in the Hogwarts library, with a bay window that looked over the black lake. Sirius’s uncle Alph had once told him about it, before he left for his first year at school. “It’s deliciously quiet Rus, you’ll find not many have much interest in books on the topic of Xylomancy.” Alphard winked, over a bowl of ice cream, during a trip to Diagon Alley.
Sirius settled into one of the armchairs and opened his book, The Forgotten Daughter of Troy by Bathilda Bagshot. In the cover he found a note, written in his brother’s neat script.
My dear brother,
I did wonder why you would have chosen the name Hermione, then it all suddenly became terribly clear. Unfortunate in a way really, all things considered. Although, I imagine unlike Helen, you will not rest until you are reunited with our Hermione.
I might also add, I would expect nothing less than you naming your daughter after the princess of Sparta.
Happy Birthday Rus!
Love always,
Reggie
Sirius started reading the foreword, taken aback by his brother’s thoughtful gift. Regulus might not always be so forthcoming with his emotions or sentimental, but when he had his moments, he would say or do something so profound it would stun Sirius. He curled up, leaning deeper into the leather chair and lost himself in pages that told the tale of a courageous, resilient princess, who had the strength to find her own path in the chaos of the Spartan kingdom.
The chair opposite him shifted, and he looked up to see a head of bushy curls plop down, with a huge dusty tome.
“Miss Lupin, it seems my hiding place has been rumbled.” Sirius greeted her, setting his book down, open on his lap.
“I’m not sure about your hiding place, I’ve been coming here since first year. I don’t think anyone’s much interested in Xylomancy in any decade, just as quiet now as it is in my time.” Hermione mused, reaching into her robe pocket and pulling out a small wrapped parcel. She passed it over to Sirius. “Here, this is for you. I felt bad not getting you anything for your birthday. It’s really not much, in fact I made it myself. It’s silly really.”
“Oh Hermione, you really shouldn’t have. Honestly, I really don’t expect anything from anyone-” Sirius found himself lost for words once he opened the tiny parcel. It was a fabric bookmark, red velvet, with his initials embroidered on it and the scorpio constellation in golden thread. Sirius felt his eyes warm as he looked up to the girl across from him. “It- it’s beautiful Hermione. I lov- thank you, thank you so much.”
Sirius placed it in his book and laid the book on the table. He stood up and held his arms out, ushering the girl in for a hug. Hermione sheepishly got up and hugged him; Sirius pulled her into him, savouring the hum of her magic from the contact. Their magic, his and Remus’s. It was divine. They had made every hair on her head, each freckle peppered on her cheeks, those warm amber eyes. He planted a kiss on the top of her head and smiled.
“You know, I don’t think anyone has ever made me a present before.” Sirius reluctantly pulled away and sat back into the armchair. He reached back for the book and opened it, to admire his daughter’s work. “I rather like it actually, very thoughtful.”
“I noticed you read a lot, couldn’t bare the thought of you dog-earing any of those first editions I saw, in the cabinet in your dormitory.” Hermione said with a wry smile.
Sirius huffed a laugh, “You are welcome to them anytime, my darling.”
Hermione’s face lit up and she reached back for the large book she had settled down with.
The evening drifted past the pair, rain began to patter against the window next to them. Sirius transfigured a thick blanket, which floated over to Hermione and wrapped around her shoulders.
“Sirius?” She asked, head peeking over the book.
“Hmm?” Sirius hummed back, looking up from the page.
“I was speaking to the Potter’s, Harry’s grandparents. They offered to let me stay with them for Christmas…They said they could help me find my parents.” Hermione said, Sirius snapped his book shut with a thick crease forming between his brows.
“What about the Lupins?” He asked, focussing on trying to keep his tone as even as he could manage.
Hermione placed the book on the table and began to fiddle with the corner of her cardigan. She’s just like Remus, Sirius thought to himself. She took a deep breath.
“The Lupins have been exceptionally kind to me, and I really do appreciate it. I will certainly be thanking them for their hospitality. But, it feels wrong of me to not just intrude on their festivities, but to miss out on the opportunity to find my real parents.” Hermione looked across to Sirius, her eyes wet. Sirius rose from his seat and kneeled in front of the girl, tucking his handkerchief into her hand.
“Hermione-” He sighed, not even sure what he could say, to convince her to abandon her plan. “You need to do what is best for you my dear, and I agree. If there is anyone on this earth you should be celebrating the festive holidays with, it should certainly be your parents.”
He stood up and patted the girl on the shoulder, before collecting his book and leaving the library.
This was a nightmare. Sirius was living an actual nightmare, he hoped he would open his eyes at any moment and wake up from it.
The following two nights he didn’t sleep; Only laying in his bed, staring at the ceiling above him. Shifting from various states of fear to complete anger. A rage so heavy he felt like screaming until his throat would bleed. Christmas with the Potter’s was not an option. Sirius knew that one curl of her hair on the enchanted parchment would show his secret, and not only would Hermione know the truth, but so would James, his parents, Harry. No, he must have hidden her for a good enough reason and there was no way he would ever risk his father finding out about his little girl. On the third night, he had reached boiling point as he jumped out of bed, sneaking through the drapes and standing at the bottom of the bed that laid next to his. Sirius quietly cast a muffliato.
“Remus, we need to talk.”
Remus poked out his head from under the covers and groaned, “What time is it?”
“You need to tell her Remus. You need to tell Hermione.” Sirius said, not moving from where he stood, taking deep breaths through his nose. Praying Remus wouldn’t put up a fight.
“Really? You wake me up in the middle of the night, to what? Tell me to reveal myself to my daughter.” Remus was suddenly very awake, sitting upright in the bed.
“Yes.”
Remus began to slowly shake his head, “What gives you the right-”
“She’s planning to go to the Potter’s for Christmas, they said they will tell her who her real parents are-” Sirius started.
Remus exhaled and ran his hand over his face. “Right, and your issue with that is?”
“You could just tell her, it would save all this-” Sirius felt his temper begin to fray, maybe starting this argument right now was not the wisest move.
“Save all this what? Maybe it’s best she does find out through them, she could find her mother. Perhaps, spend Christmas with her family-” Remus snapped, reaching over to his bedside table to turn his lamp on.
“Mother.” Sirius felt as if he had taken a punch to the gut.
“Would save me worrying about her when the moon comes, it’s due just after we get home. I don’t know if I like the idea of her being near me like that.” Remus was lighting a cigarette.
“Spend time with her mother?” Sirius felt a heat rise from the roots of his hair, and crackle down his curls.
“Yes, that’s what I said.” Remus stared down the bed, cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth.
“Mother.” Sirius began to laugh. “Of course, of course she has a mother. Why wouldn’t she have a mother?”
“Sir, what are you on about-”
“What was the other night about?” Sirius asked, a manic smile taking over his face.
Remus’s face flushed in the lamplight.
“Why did you kiss me, Remus?”
“S-sir, look-” Remus stuttered.
“Was it a joke?” Sirius glared, into the warm amber eyes his daughter inherited.
“No-no sir-”
“Having a laugh were we? Oh, how funny. Look how desperate Sirius is, spending his evenings down the dark corridors of Willie’s Corner. Stupid Sirius, so starved of the touch of another lad, that he has to wait in the pitch black, to see if any old stranger would take him.” Sirius voice rose louder and louder.
“Sirius-”
“HA, HA, HA! Look at pathetic Sirius, what a great old time we are having, watching him always making a prat of himself to save everyone else. Am I a joke, Remus? Am I just one big fucking joke to you?” Sirius could feel his magic, sparking down his veins to his fingertips.
“Sir-”
“Well Remus, I’ve got a joke for you. Hermione, she has got a mother and you’re looking at him.” Sirius seethed.
Remus paled, “What?”
“SHE’S MINE! SHE’S MINE REMUS, AND THEY- THEY CAN’T KNOW!” Sirius finally felt his anger begin to dissipate from his outburst. The ball of tension in his stomach slowly melting away. Remus’s eyes grew wide, his cigarette burning out between his fingers, the ash falling onto his sheets.
“Fix it. Fix it, Remus. You’re to tell her you are her father and that she is to spend Christmas with you. Tell her you know who her mother is, but it is not the right time to discuss it.” Sirius turned to leave, clutching the drapes he looked back. “I will not have your cowardice ruin our child’s life, Remus.”
Sirius settled back into his bed and finally let sleep take him, closing his eyes he heard the large wooden door to their dormitory slam shut.
“What’s got yer wand in a knot?” Gilderoy called from behind Sirius, as he walked to the library after the final bell on Friday afternoon. “Potter seems to think you’re having boy trouble, I think he’s a bit scared of the idea of returning the favour. Y’know, after all the months of chewing ya ear off over Lily.”
“I am not having boy trouble.” Sirius bit out, through gritted teeth.
“Aye, that’s very convincing there Sirius.” Gil smirked back, following Sirius to the secluded corner where he liked to read.
“Hermione said-” Gil started, as he sat in the chair opposite him.
“Hermione said what?” Sirius perked up, maybe that’s where Remus went last night, he thought to himself, he went to tell her the truth.
“She said she’s found you sulking in the library every evening this week.”
“Sulking?”
“Aye.” Gil grinned, “So, are you going to tell me what’s happened between you an-”
“We kissed.”
Sirius glanced up to the lad opposite, “We kissed, and he stayed in my bed with me. On my birthday, with Hermione. It was the greatest feeling I’ve ever felt. Her magic, our magic, it was dancing through every fibre of my soul. And he was so gentle, it felt like- like all my life I’ve been searching for something to make me complete, and finally I had found them. They have made me complete.”
“Right, I’m missing something here. Hermione? She’s-” Gil rubbed his face in his hands.
“Mine. I’ll be honest, I only told Remus last night. I was only really certain the morning after my birthday. The bond, it’s unmistakable-”
“- And you’ve only just noticed the bond?” Gil asked, bouncing his knee. He leant back in the chair, still holding his head in his hand.
“No, I’ve felt it for a while. Only really started to entertain the idea around the last full moon.” Sirius stared ahead, willing himself to remain calm.
“How could you not be sure? I thought it was one of those clear cut things. Y’know, once you have weans, you can as good as sniff them out of a crowd.” Gil stopped bouncing his knee, and instead moved to cross his legs.
“Have you ever wanted something to be true, so much, that you end up convincing yourself its fact?” Sirius broke from his trance and finally brought himself to look back at his friend. “I have been in love with Remus for fifteen months. I have lost hours of my life, imagining a life where I come home to him every night, one where he loves me back. It’s torturous Gilderoy. Especially when his child turns up. This wonderful girl, who’s sharp and exceptionally bright. The absolute picture of him. It would not be beyond the realm of possibility for me to imagine something that wasn’t there.”
“But?”
“But, I didn’t imagine it. In the end Reg sat me down and told me that he knows, assured me he would keep her safe. Draco told him, that’s why Reggie has been at her beck and call recently. I thought that it would all work out, once we kissed. I thought to myself that this was it, everything was going to fall into place and we could be happy. But, Remus can’t even look me in the fucking eye, like he’s ashamed, disgusted with me. And Hermione, she’s fucking off to the Potter’s for Yule. They’re going to tell her who her parents are supposedly. And I ask Remus for one thing, one fucking thing, to tell our daughter he’s her father, and he-he” Sirius hadn’t even noticed the tears running down his face, his face which was now buried in to Gilderoy’s shoulder.
“Shh, shh.” Long fingers were running through Sirius’s curls. “It’s ok, everything’s going to be ok.”
“I love him.” Sirius let out a sob, “And he- the way he looked at me today. He looked so angry, like I’ve ruined everything for him. Like I am some sort of burden to him now. And- and I thought that maybe we could have been a family.”
Sirius felt Gil pull him closer into his chest, his lips brushing Sirius’s temple as he whispered into his hair, “Meet me at wee Willie’s tonight, at ten.”
Sirius decided that he would hide no longer, and made his way to the great hall for dinner. Although he felt he was still not in a place to face Remus, he would be a hypocrite if he were to let his personal life affect his chances at winning the opening match tomorrow. A hearty dinner the night before a game was always a must, not that Sirius was one to partake in silly pre match rituals. As he entered the hall, he noticed James, Remus and Peter tucked away on the Gryffindor table. Sirius held his head high, walking past the trio and making his way to his cousins and brother on the Slytherin bench.
“To what do we owe this pleasure?” Asked Regulus, looking up at this brother with a raised eyebrow.
“Thought a change of scenery wouldn’t go amiss.” Sirius said back, with tone of indifference but a smile playing on the corner of his lips.
“What’s this I hear about you brooding around in the Library, Rus?” Cissa teased.
Sirius shook his head, snorting a quiet laugh.
“She’s terribly interfering, couldn’t imagine where she got that from?” Cissa pushed, eyes bright with glee.
“Should see the way she mothers Potter! I don’t think he would even know how to cast a levitating charm, if it wasn’t for her breathing down his neck.” Draco piped up, helping himself to a second serving of the shepherds pie.
Sirius yawned and smiled, piling his plate. “She’s very cunning, a shame really.”
“Agreed, I think she would have made a great Slytherin. Did you know that the hat nearly stalled her, couldn’t decide between Slytherin and Ravenclaw.” Regulus mused.
“How did she get put into Gryffindor then?” Sirius asked between mouthfuls.
“Have you met the witch?” Draco huffed, “She bloody beat the poor hat into submission, would be my guess!”
Narcissa swatted her son’s arm and Sirius let out a chuckle, his mood lifting at the thought of his girl demanding which house she was to be sorted into. Sirius had no doubt that Draco was right in his assertions, and it filled him with such pride.
“I’ve err, I’ve told Remus about-” Sirius started, but was cut off as he felt someone sit next to him.
“Told Remus what?” James butted in, he leant over and scooped another spoonful of food onto Sirius’s plate. “Eat up Sir, we need you to be an absolute unit tomorrow.”
“A unit of what, Potter?” Reg drawled, “Lead?”
Draco snickered from across the table.
“C’mon Sir, we need our star beater on top form tomorrow.” James wrapped his arm around Sirius, who continued to ignore Jame’s intrusion.
Regulus leant into his brother’s side, “I wouldn’t pay his flattery much notice Rus, I’ve heard he says that to all his beaters.”
Sirius twitched the corner of his lip.
“It’s very considerate of you James, looking out for your players like this.” Cissa smiled, “You should appreciate your friend being so attentive Rus, It’s very sweet.”
“Well, especially considering the mood he’s been in this week. I have to make sure he’s in the right frame of mind, to perform his best.” James squeezed his arm around Sirius tighter.
“Well, unless all of the bludgers have been replaced with beans, I can’t imagine what use Rus would be to you.” Fortuna sat down next to Draco, a smirk gracing her face.
“Miss Shafiq! Always one to lower the tone.” Sirius finally broke, biting back a wide grin. “Come on, Jamie. If I eat anymore I will be sick.”
“Rus?” Fortuna asked, before the boys made their move. “Make sure to get a good shot on Duncan Brodie.”
“How good a shot?” James asked.
“Enough to dissuade him from hiding under the stairs by divination, to sneak a look up the girl’s skirts.” Fortuna responded, leaning across the table.
“Consider it done.” Sirius said. Cissa kissed her fingertips and brushed them over his knuckles, “Look after yourself Rus.”
“Best of luck, Rus.” Reg added, patting his brother’s shoulder.
“I can’t even tell you how excited I am for tomorrow.” Draco beamed, looking between his mother and cousins. “I cannot even describe how much I have wished to witness your team out there, and don’t ever tell anyone I said that!”
Sirius laid on top of his bed, watching the hands on the clock tick by until the small hand edged towards ten. It was only him and James in the room for the evening, he found himself glancing towards the door, wondering where Remus was. Sirius finally settled that he must have been on rounds.
“Moony’s staying with his brother tonight.” James said, leaning back against his headboard, flicking through a copy of Quidditch Weekly.
“Hm?” Sirius broke his attention away from the clock.
“Moony, he said he was feeling off due to some family issues…said he needed to stay with Gareth tonight.” James looked up at Sirius, his face clearly giving away his intentions behind raising the topic.
“Right, well I’m sorry to hear that.” Sirius responded, slipping into a neutral expression.
“Did Lockhart have a chat with you today, y’know, about your boy problems?” James asked, his cheeks flushing.
Sirius struggled to hide his amusement at James’s attempt to bring up the conversation of boy problems.
“Gil did find me, and thank you for your concern Jamie.” Sirius responded, his tone softening, slightly teasing. “In fact I do have some arrangements tonight, to help me take my mind off my problems.”
“Right, you’re off to the Willy Room, then?” James asked.
Sirius had to quickly gather himself. This is certainly one for the pensive, he thought.
“Yes Jamie, I will be off to the- to the Willy Room. So, I’ll take the map tonight.” Sirius could taste blood, where he was biting his cheeks so hard, to stop himself from laughing.
“Ok, well, I hope it helps you…y’know…feel better about things.”James said, nodding his head solemnly.
Sirius made a swift exit from the room, and burst into a fit of laughter once he reached the bottom of the stairs.
It was strange the comfort the anonymity brought to him, Sirius thought, once he had climbed through the portrait hole in to the dark corridor of Willie’s corner. He made his way down the dimly lit path that led to an alcove where he and Gil would usually meet. He leant against the wall and closed his eyes, as he heard faint whispers echo though the darkness.
“Snuffles?” Gil quietly called out.
“Marilyn?” Sirius, whispered back. Gilderoy had insisted on using codenames, to avoid any confusion when they would plan to meet. Sirius had always wondered who this Marilyn Monroe figure was, that Gil decided he must use as inspiration for his one.
“I’ve brought you a gift. Close your eyes and trust me?” Gil asked, Sirius kept his eyes closed and took a deep breath in though his nose.
“Ok.” Sirius said back. He felt a warm, lanky body pushed into his. Whoever this poor soul was, they felt like a bundle of limbs pressed up against him, Sirius thought.
“His name is The Phantom.” Gil said, Sirius could hear him walking away. “And if you get too handsy mister, Snuffles lets off a nice wandless stinging jinx as warning."
“The Phantom?” Sirius smiled, his lips grazing skin, a cheek, maybe? “A bit menacing, don’t you think?”
There was no response, only cold, boney, trembling fingers taking a hold of his jaw. Soft, wet lips that tasted of cigarettes and sugar captured his own. The hands, now more confident, reaching into his hair and grasping curls. The Phantom let out a moan into Sirius’s mouth, and he opened his mouth in return, giving the other lad permission to enter. Sirius felt a tongue fight against his, as the lad now had him held firmly against the wall, hips tightly pressed on his.
Sirius felt his mind fall quiet for the first time in days, completely overwhelmed by the experience. The hard length grinding against his, the moreish pain coming from the roots of his hair, as a fist tightened around his curls. Sirius had never gone beyond maybe some light petting, during his visits. Never had he let anyone get this close to him. He couldn’t help himself, as he bucked his hips, trying to get more friction between the pair of them. The Phantom let out a low groan. Sirius began to loose his senses, completely overcome by the effect he was having on the other lad.
The lips moved from his, leading a wet trail down his cheek and neck, fingers grazed under his shirt playing with the hair leading down to his…
Sirius let out a warning jinx and the hand snapped away, instead it came back onto his face; Drawing circles on his stubbled jaw.
Sirius stared out into the darkness as he and this faceless soul chased their release, as he came closer and closer, the hand fumbled around until it found his own. He linked his fingers with the cold sweaty ones, gripping hard, and reached out to pull the other lad closer into him. The Phantom grunted into Sirius’s cheek and Sirius whimpered, pecking kisses on his temple.
The pair stayed pressed tightly together, hands clamped with locked fingers, long after they had finished. Occasionally nuzzling eachother, or pecking a kiss on any skin they felt under their lips. Sirius couldn’t say how much time had passed, but he was sure he would thank Gilly a thousand times over for his special surprise. For the first time that week, his mind had found a moment of peace.
“Right, c’mon you two. It’s getting late and I need my beauty sleep!” Gil entered their corner, with the sing song tone which gave away that he had a successful evening.
The Phantom shifted against him, and Sirius felt empty at the loss of contact. Finger tips drew over his face until they found his lips, which were then met with deep, gentle kiss. Sirius felt his eyes warm, as the unknown mouth worshipped his own. He tightened his grip around The Phantom, completely unwilling to let him go, to leave him on his own once again.
Sirius was entirely lost when he finally let the other lad go.
It was so unbearably dark and quiet.
He had never felt more alone.
He stumbled up to his dormitory and didn’t even bother to look, or give thought, to Remus’s empty bed next to his own. Instead, he stripped down to his briefs and collapsed into a deep, dreamless sleep.
“Here we are! First game of the season! Doesn’t it feel like yesterday, since we saw the lion’s crash the snake’s dreams of snatching the cup?” Pandora Findlay, a fourth year Ravenclaw, called through the speaker. “Onto today’s match, we have Gryffindor and Hufflepuff battling it out on the field. Captain James Potter’s second year in charge, very tactical approach from his cousin Frank to hand the title over a year early. Let’s see how he gets on without Longbottom’s guidance this season. Joining the team as seeker is his younger brother Paul, Fabian Prewett returns as beater with Sirius Black at his side-” There was a roar of cheers coming from the crowd as the team’s names were listed, although there was only one member that the witches of Hogwarts had come out to see.
“It’s a waste really.” James muttered into Sirius’s ear, “I mean no offence, Sir. But it’s a bit lost on you.” Sirius snorted a laugh, “For that, Jamie! I will take myself a witch tonight, when we celebrate.”
The team lined up to launch from the platform.
“In fact, I think I’ll pick your witch James!” Sirius shouted, laughing at James’s scowl as he took flight on his broom.
The first hour was slow. It had been their plan, especially with the more established teams, who have not had so many changes this year. James had decided they should ‘Pretend to take some time to find your feet on the pitch, make out that you are scoping them out. Lead them into a false sense of security.’ Sirius wasn’t so sure of the plan, he thought it would be too obvious that they were stalling the game. However, it seemed James and Harry were right, the badgers were far too arrogant, and instead lazed around the pitch batting the bludgers and quaffles amongst themselves.
Sirius circled the outer pitch, running his eyes over the crowd, where he found a giggling Draco and Fortuna holding a banner over the side of the stand that read, ‘When we see Sirius on the pitch we beam, he sure can beat more than beans!’ Sirius snickered at the sight, and was especially tickled to see Reggie making a point of standing separately to the pair.
Further down the stands, he saw Hermione sitting with Marlene, and Remus sitting with Gareth and Gilderoy three rows behind. Remus looked dreadful, although there wasn’t much time for Sirius to ponder over the sight, as Pandora’s voice echoed through the stadium.
“Ahh! Here we go, the lion’s are showing their claws. James Potter is diving in for the quaffle and effortlessly ducked out of the way of Brodie’s bludger- which is now in possession of Prewett, who has smacked it on course for the poor seeker Abbot.” Pandora’s voice rising through the tannoy, making sure she was not drowned out by the crowd.
Sirius darted up over the pitch, to get a better view on the formations below. He saw glint of gold to his left, and a red cloak billowing in the wind, chasing it. Little Harry was exceptionally talented at finding the snitch, although he needed a bit more confidence in his ability to secure it. Suddenly, Abbot was quick on Harry’s tail, which signalled to Sirius that this was his moment for a bit of fun.
The bludger was hurtling towards Harry, and Sirius swooped in to the younger Potter’s side, making himself the target. “Paul, Paul!” Sirius called, Harry turned to face him. “You ready for the animals to be released from the zoo?” Harry shook his head, a look of embarrassment taking over his face.
Sirius turned his broom, and used the momentum to whack the bludger at full force. Not quite on target for Brodie, but instead hitting the tip of the Hufflepuff’s chaser’s broom, knocking her off course to make any play for the quaffle. James took aim on the quaffle and smacked it through the middle goal hoop. The keeper released the ball back on the pitch, only for James to hit it straight back in.
“30 points to Gryffindor!” Rung through the pitch, and the stands roared.
“Black’s taken possession, passed to Potter- need I tell you that they have scored? Oh! Prewett saves Jenkins from the bludger, sent from Brodie. He’s a big old lump, to be sending a hit like that on little old Jenkins! She’s not letting it stop her though, and- Yes! Let's have that! 127 points to Gryffindor! Scored by our lovely fourth year, Sarah Jenkins!”
Sirius found a fuel added to his fire, Duncan taking aim at a tiny fourth year girl, he was going to make sure he taught him a lesson. He circled the pitch, trying to gage how Harry was getting on with securing that snitch. He decided to take watch directly across from Hermione, indulging himself in a few glances at his perfect little daughter. Marlene caught Sirius’s eye and nodded her head at the girl next to her, Sirius frowned, unsure of what she was trying to say. But, found himself distracted, as he saw Remus clamber down the rows, desperately trying to reach Hermione, and Fabian speeding in their direction trying to outpace the bludger, bouldering towards the stand.
The wind screamed in Sirius’s ears, as he aimed directly across the pitch, as quickly as his broom would take him. He threw himself in front of the ball, which hit his side with a loud crack, as he caught it in his arms. Sirius tuned out the screams and cries behind him, as he turned to find where Brodie was floating on the pitch.
Eyes on his target, he threw the ball to Fabian, “Set me up for a right swing on Brodie!” He called.
“Are you sure about this mate?” Fabian asked, catching the bludger.
“Bat the ball, Prewett!” Sirius warned, sitting back into his broom and ignoring the sharp pain in his ribs.
Fabian passed the ball over with enough momentum for Sirius to get a good smack on it, sending it across the pitch. A hit so hard, Sirius was sure his bat would have cracked from it. The bludger went flying, hurtling towards Duncan Brodie.
It landed right in the centre of the Hufflepuff’s chest and sent him flying off his broom, plummeting to the ground, limbs limp, like a rag doll.
The roar from the crowd was deafening. Sirius didn’t care to play up and revel in his act. Instead, he turned back, watching Remus hold their child in his arms, whispering into her hair. He moved, to get closer to the pair, to make sure they were safe, unhurt- But there were further shouts and cheers erupting from behind him. Remus let go of Hermione and walked away.
“Wow! What a show put on from the lions! Little Paul really taking a leaf out of his cousin’s book there, as good as grabbing the snitch from Abbot’s hands! We are going to be let in for a treat with this team, I already know it. Let’s see how it goes next match, Ravenclaw are playing Slytherin. Obviously I would like my house team to win, and what a joy it would be to see how our beloved Lockhart deals with the young Potter!” Pandora’s voice bounced through the stands, as the students began to leave, Gryffindors quickly running back to the dorm to arrange the hero’s welcome for their team.
The adrenaline pumping through Sirius began to wane, his chest was on fire and he felt faint as his feet touched the ground. Professor Mcgonagall rushed across the grass with Pomfrey on her heel, “Mr Black! Mr Black!” She called, as Sirius turned to trudge to the changing rooms.
“Mr Black-”
“Professor, please let me at least change before you begin issuing detentions.” Sirius huffed, grabbing his side as the pain became unbearable.
“Detentions? You’re quite mistaken Sirius, I will be issuing no punishment for you actions. Your sacrifice of taking that hit saved Miss Lupin and McKinnon from- well- I wouldn’t even like to give it thought what could have happened to them. Mr Brodie deserved what he got! Attacking students in the stands. We watched him line the ball on them.” Mcgonagall fumed, placing her hand on Sirius’s back and ushering him into the team’s room, which was already empty by the time they had reached it.
“The idiot boy wasn’t even discreet, Minnie.” Pomfrey tutted, directing Sirius to sit on one of the benches. “Shirt off Mr Black, I’m sure I heard a rib crack when that ball hit you, and the fact you’re currently turning a dreadful pallor.”
“You really know how to compliment a man, Pomfrey.” Sirius tried to joke, wincing as he lifted his arm to pull his shirt off, revealing a dark mauve bruise spreading down his side, from his armpit to his hip.
There was a gasp from the doorway, Sirius turned to see Hermione standing there. Her eyes were alight like fire, like his mother’s eyes when she’s furious over something. Sirius couldn’t help but smile at the girl, who’s expression he was all too familiar with. Her expression entirely inherited from him.
“Miss Lupin-” Mcgonagall started.
“- Is always welcome Professor. Please Mione, come in. Nothing too bad is it, Pomfrey? Nothing a couple of doses of Skele-Gro can’t fix?” Sirius cut in, giving the school nurse a pointed look.
“Oh, of course not, Mr Black. I’ll send up a few doses to your room.” Pomfrey responded, making a turn to leave.
“Thank you, and I promise if I get worse or don’t feel right, I will come and see you. I very much appreciate your concern.” Sirius smiled to the nurse. He turned his attention to his professor, “You may like to know that Brodie has been known to watch up student’s skirts, when they walk the stairs to divination.” Mcgonagall raised her eyebrows at this news and tapped Pomfrey’s shoulder, “Come on Poppy, I think we should be paying Mona a visit.”
Sirius cast a Muffliato once the teacher’s had left, he patted the spot next him on the bench for Hermione to sit down. But, the stubborn girl did not move.
“Thank you.” She said, “For what you did, it was very brave.”
“That’s- It was nothing, honestly Hermione-” Sirius couldn’t find the words, he was stunned watching his girl from across the room. Her tone, stature, glare. It was hauntingly obvious that she hailed from the house of Black.
“So you knew as well, then?” She stared at Sirius, holding his eyes with her own.
Oh, my darling girl, Sirius thought to himself.
“You know about my father?” She spat the last word and the hurt in her voice split Sirius in two.
“Hermione.” Sirius started, pushing himself up from the bench.
“He let me, all this time… I thought he was good. I thought he was a good person, and yet he never even thought to tell me that he was right there.” Her lower lip began to wobble, and Sirius suddenly found the strength to drag his feet across the room to her. He held her to his chest, her magic washing over his, waves of her pain danced with his through his veins.
“He loves you so much, more than you could ever imagine. He wanted to keep you safe, he’s done nothing but worry about you since the moment he saw you. And Merlin, does he never shut up about you! I could tell you every grade you have scored so far this year, every book you have read, your favourite food… He adores you.” Sirius stroked her hair, desperate to calm her down. “He only told me, well, and your uncle and Gilderoy…Oh and my brother knows, if that’s not obvious now.” He smiled as she snorted a wet laugh against him.
“Did he tell you about my mother?” She asked, looking up to him through wet eyelashes.
“You know I can’t talk about that.” Sirius said back, wiping her tears with his thumb.
“It was worth the try.” She smiled back.
“It’s the sort of thing your mother would do, darling.” Sirius grinned back. “Come on, sit down and try to calm yourself. I’m going to go and get changed, I’ll only be behind that door. Alright?”
Hermione nodded and took a seat, next to where Sirius had set his broom. He looked back through the door as he entered the changing room, catching Hermione reaching for his jersey and beginning to fold it.
Sirius glanced at the shower and decided against jumping in, the pain in his chest was too raw and fresh to even consider exerting himself any further. He run his wand over himself, casting a quick scrougify.
“He hates me.” Hermione called across the room, matter of factly.
“He said that?” Sirius called back, leaning on the sink as he tried to yank his trousers up with one hand.
“No, but he ran off after we spoke. I didn’t see him all day after that, until that Hufflepuff decided to launch his ball at me and Marlene.” Hermione responded.
Sirius buttoned up his shirt and stood in the doorway, “You mean when your father threw himself down the stands, to shelter you from that ball?”
Hermione looked up at Sirius and shook her head, “Doesn’t mean he doesn’t hate me.”
“My father hates me, he makes quite the point of it actually.” Sirius raised his eyebrow at the girl and summoned over his broom. “Remus doesn’t have a hateful bone in his body. In fact, I think he is far too quick in forgiving people if anything. Can you throw those in the wash basket please?” He asked, pointing to his neatly folded jersey and cloak. Hermione grabbed the clothes and summoned over the rest of his kit, putting them in the stuffed wicker basket by the door.
“Remus doesn’t deal well with conflict, or confrontation.” Sirius continued, leading the girl back out on to the pitch. “Lesson number one, your father will run away if he is overwhelmed. It doesn’t mean he hates you.”
Hermione caught up and linked arms with Sirius, he felt her pull him into her, so she could support him for their walk back to castle. Sirius leant on her slightly, deciding to indulge her in thinking she was helping him on their stroll.
Sirius watched the girl chew on her lip, before looking back up at him with her big amber eyes. “I was ever so cruel to him earlier. I called him a coward and told him I would rather stay here alone for Christmas, then spend it in his company.”
He snorted and looked back down to his girl, “Well considering who your mother is, I would say he knew full well what he was getting himself into. Not the nicest person to get into an altercation with, your mother.” He patted the arm Hermione had hooked through his, “Lesson number two, words don’t hurt your father too much. He’s strong deep down, he can put up with a lot of shit. And no matter what, he will always forgive you.”
Hermione’s brow furrowed and she opened her mouth, but Sirius spoke again “And it may feel cruel and wrong that you can be an arse to him and he will just sit back and forgive you on the same breath, but that’s just the kind of man he is. And if I were you, I would be grateful to have a father that loving and patient.”
Hermione stayed silent for the rest of the walk up to the castle. Sirius kept his eyes on her, his mind consumed by the pain and guilt she was so obviously feeling.
“What’s your father like, Sirius?” Hermione asked, leading the pair up a flight of moving stairs.
“My dear, I hope you never find out.” Sirius responded, giving his girl a sad smile. “I tell you what, when we get upstairs I’ll go and find Remus for you. How does that sound?”
“What do I say to him?” Hermione was once again chewing on her cheek, as they waited for the stairs to move to the landing for the second floor.
“Sorry would be a good start. My advice is to get everything out in the one shot, because once he pulls out those concerned puppy eyes, you don’t stand a chance against him.” Sirius felt a grin break across his face, as Hermione raised an eyebrow at him. “Oh yes, little Miss Lupin. Just you wait until you become victim to those puppy eyes, I’m not sure he’s aware he’s doing them. But, any animosity you are feeling will soon disappear. So get all the serious bits out of the way and then apologise for being a bit tough on him, would be my approach at least.”
Hermione smiled, her eyes becoming glassy again.
“And the minute you cry, just know that he will get flustered and panicky. It’s just how he is, doesn’t do well with any big emotions. Just be gentle with him, ok?” Sirius unhooked his arm, and pulled Hermione in for a hug when they reached the portrait of the fat lady. “Go and sit in our room, on daddy’s bed. I’ll bring him up.”
Hermione sniffled and nodded her head, “Thank you, Sirius.” She made her way straight through the crowded common room, and Sirius looked over the sea of heads for his Moony.
“Hey mate-” James grabbed him as he walked past. “Took a whopper off that Brodie, didn’t ya? Stupid bloody oaf, he was trying to aim for Martin Clark, Trisha’s boyfriend? Apparently he challenged Brodie to a duel, because Trish caught him under the stairs the other day.”
Sirius felt a cloud fill his vision, he could hear the words James was saying, but completely unable to focus on any of it. He grabbed onto James and felt his face drain.
“Merlin, Sir. He really did a number on you, didn’t he! Here drink up mate, it’s only some whisky but it’s enough to numb you up for the celebrations, ey?” James poured the warming drink down his throat and Sirius felt some life return to him.
“Thanks Jamie. Say, have you seen Moons at all?” He asked, still clinging to James as he looked around the room.
“Yeah, he’s on the sofa over there. He’s in a foul mood though.” James leant into Sirius, pointing out exactly where Remus was seated.
Sirius took off without another word, pushing past his classmates until he reached the quiet corner. Remus looked up at him and Sirius felt a new gnawing pain grow in his chest.
Without saying anything, Sirius held his hand out to Remus and was shocked when his friend stood up from the couch and took it. The pair made their way up the stairs towards their dormitory.
“I’m sorry Moon. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that the other night, it was-” Sirius started, as the pair stopped outside the door to their room.
“The right thing to do. I needed that and I deserved the bashing Hermione gave me over all this.” Said Remus, standing across from Sirius with his hands in his pockets.
“No you didn’t. She came and told me about what happened, she was only lashing out Moon. She’s only little, and this has all been a lot for her to take in.”
“I should have spoken to you. After your birthday, I should have told you about how I have been feeling. But I was so scared Sir, I couldn’t have it all go wrong. Not with you.”
Sirius struggled to let air into his lungs, his ears began to ring as Remus approached him, pressing him up against the wall.
Soft wet lips, sugar, cigarettes, Remus…his Remus.
The lads rested their foreheads together.
“Which one of you came up with Snuffles then?” Remus whispered onto Sirius’s lips. Sirius huffed a silent laugh and Remus nipped on Sirius’s bottom lip.
“Says The Phantom?”
“Gil’s idea of a joke, but I must say I was surprised how much better it felt sober. To take in every part of you, even without seeing anything. To be so close and feel our hearts beat as one, it was magic Sirius and I cannot wait until that day comes where it is just you and me, and our baby. Living our happy little life, in our own happy little home.” Remus continued to whisper, holding Sirius’s face in his hand, running his fingers up and down the stubble on his jaw. His pupils so large, that Sirius could only see a slither of amber shining back at him.
Sirius felt his eyes warm and his jaw began to ache, as he stared into the eyes of this beautiful man. Remus peppered his lips with kisses, “Will you stay with me tonight, cariad?”
“Her-” Sirius started, but had to take a breath to ground himself. “Hermione is in there, she’s waiting to have a chat with you.”
“Ok, well pop in and see me tonight, before you go to bed. Promise me you will?”
“I promise Remus.”
Remus pulled Sirius in for one more deep kiss, his tongue teasing Sirius’s mouth open.
“Thank you for looking after us today, I don’t know what I would have done if she had got hurt.” Remus nuzzled against Sirius’s cheek.
“It’s my job, isn’t it? To look after you both.” Sirius responded, tipping his head back against the wall and closing his eyes; Committing every sensation he felt to memory.
“Well, promise me that you’ll let us look after you too?” Remus whispered into his neck, Sirius almost whimpered at the feel of Remus’s tongue and hot breath on his skin.
“Anything for you.”
Remus brushed a final kiss on Sirius’s cheek and grazed his fingers down his chest.
“I better get going, she’ll be starting to wonder what’s going on out here. I imagine it would be rather mortifying for any 14 year old to find their dad’s snogging in a school corridor!” Remus grinned as he stepped away, Sirius felt a flutter as the word dad’s left Remus.
“I’ll see you later, Darling. Give her a big cuddle and kiss from me.”
“Of course I will, love.”