Pete, This is a Sirius and Moony Special!
The floorboard creaked, as Sirius slowly creeped across the dark room. He held his breath approaching the bed, and lit the dimmest lumos he could manage.
“Are you sure you should be doing that, Sir?” Remus whispered from across their room, head peeking from the curtains.
“Be quiet, Remus. I’m working.” Sirius hissed back, he gently lifted a pair of glasses from the table. He snuck over to his bed and crawled in. Draco was sat on top of the covers, with a lamp hovering over their heads, his face beaming.
“Right Draco, how are we going to achieve this?” Sirius handed his best friend’s glasses over to the boy.
“Ermm, some sort of glamour? But in reverse, so only the wearer can see what we would like them to?” Excitement buzzed from the boy as he examined the glasses.
“You need a projection charm, you’re right though! It follows the same principles as a glamour.” Remus flopped himself onto the bed, next to the pair.
“Good of you to join us Moon.” Sirius met his friend’s raised eyebrow with one of his own.
“I’m only in because he gave Mione a weeks detention the other night.”
Draco burst into a fit of giggles, Sirius snorted as he watched the boy try to catch his breath.
“He-He gave G-granger a d-detention?” He howled as Sirius tried to shush him.
Remus was furious when he found his daughter with red rimmed eyes one morning, sitting alone at the end of the gryffindor table, in the great hall.
“What’s up, lovely?” He asked, taking a seat, pulling her into a one armed hug.
Hermione chewed on her cheek and stared at the table, Remus could hear her taking in ragged breaths, as if she was trying to stop herself from crying again. “I-it’s really s-stupid Remus, I’m just over reacting like I always do.”
“Well, you tell me what’s got you like this and let me tell you whether it’s stupid or not.” Remus could feel a heat crawling up his chest and neck, as he saw fresh tears fill his girl’s eyes.
“I fell asleep in the library,” She hiccuped, looking up at Remus through her wet eyelashes. “I was trying to catch up on the Divination essay, it really makes no sense to me, but I hoped if I jumped into a bit of further reading, maybe I would understand it better- but, I fell asleep and Marlene found me on her rounds. She’s really good to me, she said I can go to her for help and that she’d walk me back to the tower. So w-we walked back and James saw us, started going on a rant about how it was past curfew and that he was giving us a weeks detention- But it was only just past nine, and I was outside the door to the common room, I gave th-the p-password t-to-” Hermione burst into a sob and Remus took her into a full hug, he kissed the top of her head.
His blood was boiling, he could feel it bubbling under his skin, an irresistible urge to seek out James-sodding-Potter and flay him the middle of the hall. Of course, it was completely irrational for Remus to feel this way, but surely James would’ve known better than to annoy a werewolf a week off the full moon, would’ve been his excuse if not for the fact that his friend was completely unaware that the girl was the daughter of said werewolf.
Remus held her, stroking her hair until the sobs slowed and she pulled away with a sheepish look. “I’m sorry for making a scene, I don’t even care for the detentions. Marlene said she would use them to tutor me, but it’s the principle Remus, that’s what upset me… Harry wouldn’t have done that. I don’t think I can even tell Harry-”
“He’s on a power trip, my love. Don’t take this personally, I’ll sort it out… I’ll have a word with McGonagall or-”
“No! Please don’t, I don’t want to cause any trouble. I’m just feeling a bit hurt by it is all, it’s hard to remember that James and Harry are two different people, I just felt betrayed.” Hermione poured herself a cup of tea, Remus summoned over two large slices of the chocolate fudge cake, sitting centrepiece on the table.
“Ok, no fuss then. Eat your cake and drink your tea, then I’ll take you down to your lesson.” Remus dug his fork into his slice stuffing a huge piece, that didn’t quite fit, into his mouth. Hermione watched on with wide eyes, mortified at the sight.
“Wha? Av I go’ somfin on my fashe?” Remus asked, mouth full of cake.
Hermione shook her head and looked away, making sure no one else witnessed the idiot sitting next to her. Remus’s heart felt full, watching his daughter brighten up, the blush on her cheeks as he embarrassed himself in front of the entire school.
“So,” He finally swallowed the last of the cake, “you need help with divination then? I can help you know, I’m not the best, like. But I know enough to get an E, at least. I’ll take you down the library tonight, and I dare James to give us a bloody detention.” Hermione turned and hugged him, burying her head into his shoulder. “If you need help, you just need to ask me, ok?” He kissed the top of her head, I would do anything for you.
Remus picked at a non existent thread on the bedsheet, “Yes, he gave her a weeks worth of detention for returning from the library a minute past curfew. Have you decided what the line of attack will be Sir?”
“Thought you’d never ask, dear Moony! Jamie will be walking around the castle, greeted with salacious visions of a saucy Sprout or minxy McGonagall, they will only be triggered when Jamie issues a punishment on our fellow students.” Sirius grinned, reaching out to take the glasses back for further inspection.
“Like a nightmarish mirage?” Draco gasped, he looked as if all his christmases had come at once.
“Exactly! And he won’t be able to tell a soul. How could you explain to any sane person, that you are being followed around by seductive professors in their nightgowns. The pièce de résistance of this prank, is that he will know it was us that’s done it, but his pride will not allow him to confront us.” Sirius tapped his wand on the object, delicately layering a web of charms.
“And, even if he did confront us, we will just deny it. Until he gets the message of course, or realises he’s a little too trigger happy with the punishments these days.” Remus pulled out a black leather notebook and began writing a list of charms, as Sirius quietly called them out across the bed.
“So, where did you learn this? And how did you even think to come up with seductive professors?” Draco watched his cousin intently, the charms glowed white as they interlocked.
“Trial and error most of it, although less errors these days. Wouldn’t you agree, Moon?” Remus looked up from the book, the end of his quill in his mouth, “Oh certainly.”
“And the fruity professors were inspired, you see our dear Moon has quite the filthy mind. Gave a very rousing story over the summer about Sprout’s turnips and Minnie’s nightgown.” Sirius chuckled, as Remus reached for a pillow to smack him with, Draco looked slightly green at the thought of fantasising over their teachers.
“Oi! Cut it out, will you. I need a steady hand.” Sir looked up to Remus, eyes asking him an unspoken question.
“It will have to be blood, won’t it?” Remus answered.
“My thoughts exactly, will only need a drop.” Sirius looked over to Draco’s horrified face. “Oh Dray, it’s not blood magic. We only use a drop to seal the charm. Once he realises what we’ve done he’ll try to break it, blood is the only bodily fluid he will struggle to get…it has to be willingly offered.”
“Well, not the only bodily fluid…” Remus teased, a smile breaking across his face, still chewing the end of his quill.
“Is that an offer? See what I mean Draco, he’s absolute filth.” Sirius put his wand behind his ear and reached back into his bedside drawer. He returned with a safety pin and grabbed Remus’ hand to prick his finger, he squeezed the drops of blood onto the glasses and the woven charms now glowed a gold. Sirius did the same with his finger, the gold glowing brighter and stronger with each drop. “James will need a drop of both of our blood to unlock the charms. We’ll give him a week, or however long he takes to crack.”
Remus signed the page of the book and passed it over to Sirius who also signed his name. He handed it on to Draco with a nod of his head. “Well, go on then. We won’t tell a soul, but I can’t not let you take any credit for this Draco.” The boy snorted and signed his name D. Black.
And so it began, the following morning Remus woke up bright and early. The usual fog he felt in the lead up the moon was lifted, he jumped out of bed with a spring in his step and made his way down to breakfast.
He joined Sirius, Draco and Peter, the latter being a rare sight these days as he spent most of his time stuck to Jemima by the lips.
“What are you lot up to then? And why wasn’t I consulted?” Pete asked, he piled his bowl of porridge with stewed fruit.
“This was a Sirius and Moony special, Pete.” Sirius smirked, pouring a cup of black coffee. “Plus, the fallout from this… you’ll thank us that we didn’t involve you.”
“What on the earth could James have done to get you two this pissed off?”
“Shhh, Mione’s coming over.” Sirius kicked his friend’s leg under the table, Remus turned and invited her to sit next to him.
“Do you want tea, love?” Remus asked, reaching over for the teapot.
Hermione gave a shy smile, “Yes please, Remus. Thank you.”
“Mione? Would you like some toast for breakfast? They have jam, or honey…” Sirius summoned over the jars, Hermione gave the boys a suspicious look.
“What’s going on?”
“Nothing, why would you think somethings going on?” Remus stirred two sugars and some milk into her tea.
“Because you’re all acting weird, making me breakfast and-”
“Well, some of us just know how to treat a witch correctly. Isn’t that right Draco?” Sirius smiled up from his cup, Draco gulped and nodded. “Yes of course, Mione.” The name sounding completely alien on his tongue. “Would you like some porridge, maybe?” He offered her a bowl.
Hermione narrowed her eyes and looked back up to Remus, he narrowed his eyes in return, placing two slices of toast on her plate. “Strawberry jam?” He asked, still not breaking eye contact with the stubborn girl. She nodded her head.
“Go on then, a week?” Sirius asked as the boys made their way through the corridors after potions.
“You’re too generous Sir, I’d give him three days. He has no resolve when it comes to these kind of things.” Remus lead the way into the greenhouse for Herbology. If James had been visited by an apparition, he certainly wasn’t letting on with his poker face as the pair passed.
As the day went on Sirius grew more restless.
“Do you think it’s worked? Do you think he’s seen them yet? Oh, the suspense is killing me Moon…” Sirius held the door open for Remus, finally they had reached their last class of the day, History of Magic.
“You know we have a saying in Wales, Ara bach a bob yn dipyn mae sdicio bys i dîn gwybedyn.” Remus dropped his books onto the desk and took a seat.
“And what in Merlin’s glorious name is that supposed to mean?” Sirius sulked into his chair, pulling a large textbook from the pile.
“Literally? I think it goes like, you have to go very slowly and bit by bit to shove a finger up a fly’s arse-”
“Excuse me! What?! You welsh, what possesses you to even think of shoving-”
“It’s just a saying you prick, it means you should have patience with things. We need to sit back and give it time, like you said, give it a week… it’s not even been twelve hours yet!”
The hours turned to days, and even Remus began to question how successful they were in pranking their friend. James carried on handing out detentions, like sweeties, and no one was safe. Even Peter was stumped at the his friend’s motivation.
“Either, he’s trying to show off how responsible he is to Harry, or it’s some sort of twisted foreplay with Evans.” Pete puffed as the boys, joined by Draco, made their way up the hill to the castle.
“Ah, come on now Pete. You know as well as I, that Evans isn’t that twisted-” Remus joked, also suitably out of breath, now the pre moon fatigue had sunk in.
“He’s tripping on the power! I love James-” Draco interrupted Sirius with an “ooh, I say”, and was met with swift clip round his ear. “As I was saying, he doesn’t do well with this kind of responsibility. He gets too righteous, everything so black and white, no discretion. Frankly, I’m astounded that Evans hasn’t stepped in with a stern word.”
“She’s too busy staring at his arse and roguish good looks. Well that’s what she’s telling Jem anyway” Pete groaned. “These witches, and they tell us off for being crude! The way they talk about us is disgusting. Sir, the things they say about you! It’s enough to make an old hag blush.”
“Nothing about me then?” Remus huffed a half hearted laugh, of course no witch would be bothered with him. Christ, even Mary was barely around since the party.
“Oh no, Remus. They love you… Say you’re the kind of wizard you take home to the family. They call you marriage material.” Sirius turned back to face the pair at this and raised his eyebrows.
“What do they call me then, Pete?”
“O-oh n-no, I can’t Sir. Not in front of your boy.” He stuttered, Remus bit back a laugh.
“He doesn’t mind. You don’t mind, do you?” Sirius put his arm around Draco, who was clearly enjoying watching Peter squirm.
“Go on then Pete.” Remus joined, nudging his friend. “What do they call Sir?”
“T-they c-c-call you the-” Peter then whispered something incredibly quick.
“The what?” Sirius pushed.
“THE BEAN BEATER!” Pete near shouted, completely red in the face, Remus collapsed into a fit of giggles, Draco gawped. “They call you you the bean beater, one trip to the bean beater and he’ll have you seeing stars, they say you’re built like a God. They call you Adonis! Jem said one girl actually wrote to your parents to challenge your arrangement with Narcissa-”
“Juniper Fawley” Sirius offered, a playful smirk spreading.
“Merlin’s bollocks! That’s true?” Peter opened and closed his mouth like a fish gasping for air. “That’s fucking tragic for her, I honestly didn’t believe that one. Does that mean the one about Cordelia is true?”
“Ohh yes.” Draco giggled, Sirius’s smirk grew into a full grin.
“What one about Cordelia!?” Remus howled “Sir! You never told me one about-”
The boys were interrupted by haughty cough, Regulus was stood behind Sirius with his jaw tensing. Sirius turned and there was a hushed argument between the brothers, he grabbed Draco and the three made a dash for the castle.
“Maybe Narcissa’s caught wind of the bean beater.” Remus snickered
“Remus, they’re animals. I’ve never felt so unclean as I did listening to those witches… They’re all obsessed with sex, and muscles, and… hands!”
“Hands?” Remus pulled out his pack of cigarettes and lit one, before offering them to Pete.
“Nah, I’m alright mate. Yes! Hands! Did you know that witches judge us by our hands?”
“That’s an old wives tale Pete! You shouldn’t judge a wand by it’s owner’s hands.”
“No, no, that’s just it! It’s not even about the wands, it’s about the fingers, if they’re soft or strong looking, if the nails are well kept… They get off on the strangest things. They read these books as well, these romance novels about vampires and werewolves” Remus’s hand halted and he held his breath as Peter continued. “Oh yeah, they love werewolves! And it’s the most depraved, perverted, filth… My eyes have been opened. Honestly, I think it would have been easier if I just liked wizards. At least I know where I stand with them, you know what I mean?”
Remus hummed and continued to puff on his cigarette.
The pair made their way up to the castle, Peter continued to unload all of his frustrations with the behaviour of witches. Remus’s mind, however, remained stuck on the thought of them being obsessed with becoming ‘mates’ with a werewolf. It never even crossed his mind that he could be someone others fetishized over, in fact that thought alone made him feel uneasy. What if someone found out and tried to seek him out, purely due to an unrealistic expectation set out in a fictional book. What if they found him on the full moon? Was this to be his reality?
“Oh look, McGonagall’s on the prowl-” Peter started, only to be interrupted by the professor calling Remus over.
“Mr Lupin! Please may I have a word?” She led the boy into the nearest classroom. He followed her in to find James standing by a desk near the front. His heart began to race as he followed her down the row of desks. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fucking fuck. Please don’t say she’s seen it.
“Mr Potter, please could you hand me your spectacles?”
Don’t you dare! Don’t you fucking dare Potter!
James approached the teacher, handing over the charmed glasses, “Of course, here you are professor.”
“Thank you” She placed them on her face and looked at Remus. “Now Mr Lupin, cursing the belongings of another student…Well, I would think that would be worthy of a detention.”
Oh shit.
“Wouldn’t you agree?”
Remus daren’t answer, instead he nodded his head, face burning.
“But, I believe punishment enough would be asking you for a drop of your blood to unlock this curse.” McGonagall glared at the boy.
Remus once again nodded, not quite trusting his voice, and quickly transformed a match from his pocket into a pin and pricked his finger. He dropped his blood onto the glasses and a golden glow surrounded them.
“Very good Mr Lupin. That would be all for now.” The Professor dismissed him from the classroom.
The moment Remus left the room he broke into a sprint, running through the halls, glancing into the empty classrooms hoping to find Sirius.
He’s going to go absolutely mental when he finds out James snitched! Who even snitches? And on their friends! Their best friends, that they share a room with! Oh shit… how far did Sir go with those visions, I knew this was a bad idea. Where the bloody fucking fuck is he!
Remus skidded around the corner to find Sirius nose to nose with Severus, Draco was in between the pair trying to push Sirius away. Sirius was so still you would have though he was a statue, and much like marble he did not budge. Remus watched on and Sirius looked down at their classmate, he looked down on him like he was the most awful smelling being to have walked this earth. Sirius’s lips were moving, he was saying something, but far too quiet for anyone else to hear.
“Mr Lupin, Please may I have a word?” Professor McGonagall called from her classroom.
Christ, am I living in the twilight zone? Remus thought as he followed her into the room and down to her desk.
“Please take a seat Mr Lupin, there are things we need to discuss.”
Remus once again not trusting himself to even string a word together nodded his head.
“Mr Potter has paid me a visit and has informed me of his intention to step down as prefect.”
“His notice of what?” Remus blurted out, “Profes-”
“I have made the decision that I would like you to be his replacement, Mr Potter also agrees and wishes for you to take his post.” The witch’s eyes glistened at him. “To be completely transparent with you, you were my first choice for the job. It was only that other teachers had concerns that it would add too much pressure on you. I disagree, I believe if anyone could handle it, it would be yourself. I would say I’ll pencil you in, but I have no other options than you. So even if it does become too much, then we will just have to make do.”
Remus looked up to the professor and smiled, “I’m sure we will manage Professor.” Her face softened and she pursed her lips, “Well, may I suggest your first action as fifth year prefect is to prise Mr Black from Mr Snape and find him something better to do with his time.”
“I’ll make no promises.”
“I’m sure you can manage.”
The Professor placed the red and gold badge on his cloak and Remus left the room in a complete daze. Did that really just happen? Me? Little old me, a prefect? Will Hermione be proud? Me, her father, a prefect…
Remus didn’t even bother to look and see if Sir and Snape were still locking horns, there was only one person he wanted to share this moment with. He rushed to the library and found his little girl, head buried in a huge tome, her hair bushy. Remus noticed that her hair grew the more stressed or focused she was, sometimes he thought he even saw sparks flickering from the ends. He pulled up a chair and silently sat next to her, he summoned a book from the pile and started reading. It seemed Hermione was reading around familial bonds and magic, Remus felt a lump from in his throat. They sat together for hours, Hermione not looking up from the book once, not even a single break to take a breath.
The library became quieter, darker, empty. Remus was halfway through a chapter about the importance of comfort in early years, it was strange to him to read about the connection parents nurture with their babies, to imagine that one day in the future he would be holding a tiny little Hermione in his arms. Was that why he could always feel her magic so clearly when she was near? Was he a good father when she was a baby? Did Hermione feel their bond? Does she know?
“Shit!” Hermione squeaked, she jumped up and began to collect her books.
“Language young lady.” Remus teased looking up from the book, “Ermm, were you planning on running off and leaving me here?”
“No-well-yes…maybe?” She huffed, throwing the parchment into her bag. “It’s late, and I know you said that you would stop James from giving me a detention, but it’s really late! It’s almost ten!"
“I know, I didn’t want to disturb you-”
“But you should have, it’s an hour past curfew!.” Hermione snapped, Remus raised his eyebrows at her. Wow, yeah…I really do feel like her dad right now, he thought once he saw the horrified look on her face.
“I-I’m so s-s-sorry.” Hermione started, tears welling in her eyes. “I-I Sh-shouldn’t h-have s-sa-”
Remus got up from his seat and put an arm around her, “Shh, shhh, come on now love. You’re tired.” He removed his cloak, wrapping it around her and picked up her bag. “Come on. I’ll take you back up, you need to get some rest and take tomorrow off, like. I’ll tell McGonagall you’re not feeling great, and you promise me you will stay in bed and rest.”
“Ok Remus.” Hermione snuggled into the cloak, which looked comically large on her.
“And I will be checking, so don’t think you can go waltzing off the library…or I may have to give you a detention.” Remus pointed to his shining badge on the cloak.
Hermione gasped when she noticed it, she broke into a grin and looked up to her father. “Oh! Remus! Congratulations, that’s amazing news! When did this happen?”
“Oh, about four hours ago?”
“What? Have you told the others?”
“Nope. You’re the first to know.” Remus beamed at the girl, enjoying the comforting buzz of her magic as they walked back to the tower.