When Will I See You Again

Sirius’s stomach churned and swished for the entire walk down to breakfast the next morning. It wasn’t his natural response to cower in the face of a new challenge. But he had to admit, that if he heard of any other family member willingly locking themselves in a shack, with a werewolf on a full moon, he would be sure they had finally succumbed to the Black family madness. 

It would certainly drive father wild, having to leave his parlour to deal with his heir ruining their good name and becoming a half breed, Sirius thought to himself. Oh, the Black family madness has gone and done it again, the prophet would say. Disgraced heir Sirius Black: a werewolf. Father would hate it. 

The rumoured family curse was a delicate issue in their house, his father would rant and pace around the drawing room whenever it was mentioned. He would scream and shout, at no one particular, as to how they are trying to dirty our great name, how they are seeking to bring an end our dynasty, all they want is to empty our vaults and water down our power. It was never actually said who the all powerful they were, but his father was convinced there were dark forces at work against him.

“If that’s not proof of madness, I don’t know what is.” Walburga cackled as she settled next to Sirius on the settee, in front of the fireplace in the lounge. 

“How much longer do we have to keep him around?” Sirius teased, he snuggled closer to her and laid his head on her shoulder. 

“Not too long my little star, if the hallucinations don’t come on by Yule, I’ll slip him a little something to speed it up. How about that?” Walburga mused, she summoned over a dainty tea set and a strawberry mille-feuille cake. 

Sirius puffed out a gentle laugh into his mother’s hair. “Do you think he will run us into the ground, like uncle Cygnus said?”

“Of course he will, my sweetness. Which is why I would insist to have him declared insane and you would have to take over the family, I’ll look after you of course. Another family member getting committed, is a sacrifice I’m willing to take, to get rid of that miserable old toad. Cyg already said he would let you have it, and after your father forcing my hand with Alph… we will just have to cut our losses and make the best of it.”

“Well mummy, it sounds like you’ve really given this some thought.” 

“I’m serious, don’t think I’m saying all this to amuse you. I was sixteen when I was betrothed to your wrinkly old cunt of a father.”

“Mother!”

“Oh come on now, I can speak freely around you. I never wanted you in a similar situation, betrothed at fifteen! At least little Cissa is gorgeous and not much older than you. Your father was forty when our grandfather decided I was to be his wife, I truly believe that if it wasn’t for him, your father would still be a Batchelor; Pissing the family fortune up the wall.”

Sirius never attempted to explain his relationship with his mother to his friends, he wasn’t sure if any of them would understand. He loved her dearly, but when they fought it was explosive. The pair would scream at each other until their throats felt raw, Walburga would lock herself away to sulk and Sirius would scheme some sort of way to coax her out. Sometimes it would be a gift, if he felt he was in the wrong, something shiny from the vaults or a cake would usually do the job. 

They had a particularly tense falling out at the beginning of the summer holidays, his mother had sided with father over breakfast, his father demanded Sirius must break off his friendship with Remus. Regulus had kindly checked that their father was aware of Remus being a halfblood. Orion was not aware, of course. Sirius tried to reason that Remus was not that bad, that his family were of ancient blood, allies from the days of the old country. 

Walburga pleaded with Sirius to denounce his friendship to the boy, for the sake of peace. Sirius refused. He stormed out of the house and walked through the streets of Highgate. Stopping at a muggle cafe for a cup of tea, he noticed a group of young builders leering over a copy of The Sun newspaper.

“Cor, she’s getting a spot on the wall of fame. What do you think Tel? Little Sally’s got a lovely pair on her.” One of the lads said, stubbing his roll up cigarette out in the ashtray.

“Yeah, strewth! Not much little about that Sally! Christ, I don’t know where they find those girls.”

Sirius rolled his eyes, handing over the muggle money to girl behind the counter and taking the steaming polystyrene cup.

“You know Tel, me mum she’s banned The Sun in our house. She caught me Dad looking the other day, said it’s not proper to have girls putting it all out there like that. She’s saying that Mary Whitehouse had a point, daft cow.” The builder laughed, as Sirius made his way out the door.

He wandered over to the newsagents up the road, looking through the news papers until he found a copy of the tabloid from the cafe. He opened it up and there she was, Sally, in all her glory on page 3. Something clicked in him.

A wall of fame, echoed in his head. Well, best we make a start on it. What do you say, Sally dear?

Everyday Sirius made the trek to the shop, five pence in hand and bought a copy of the paper. It was marvellous, he would stop by the park and devour the muggle news articles and could even read about the shows on the television. He wished one day he could visit Remus and see the TV box for himself, maybe next year when I’m married. Mother and father can’t stop me then.

It didn’t take long before the girls covered the entire wall behind his bed, stuck with the permanent sticking charm he and James played with last year. He preferred them behind his bed, where he didn’t have to see them too much. Sirius was sure that Sally, Linda, Karen and Tracey were lovely girls, and certainly were very good looking. It was just that they didn’t have their intended effect on him. He wasn’t interested.

The truth was he’d known for a little while now, it hadn’t really bothered him, until James decided to obsess over poor Lily Evans. Sirius was happy for him, but the constant barrage of questions over who Sirius fancied, and talk of girls was far too much. That was when he decided to focus his attention more on the map, recording each passageway in the school and where they lead to. 

Sometimes Moony would join him, those were his favourite adventures, when the pair of them would stroll through the school chatting away about nothing. It was one evening when Moony stayed behind, that Sirius found Willie’s corner, an alley hidden behind the portrait of the squib playwright William Shakespeare.

Sirius continued the front of sulking about, rushing up to his room once he was excused from dinner. Until a Thursday night when his father finally snapped.

“What are you up to in that room of yours, boy?” Orion boomed from the head of the dining table.

Sirius feigned ignorance, “Nothing father, only writing letters to my Cissa.” 

It wasn’t entirely a lie, they had been exchanging letters more often now they were betrothed.

“Kreacher, search his room for any of those silly things he collects.”

The elf scurried off and they continued to eat in silence, until he popped back up at Orion’s side.

“M-master, master. Please could you kindly follow Kreacher to the young master’s room. Kreacher has tried so hard master, but the boy has pulled one of his cruel tricks. You need to see for yourself.” His father held his hand out to the elf, they both disappeared with a pop.

Sirius continued to eat his dinner. In fact, he found he enjoyed the meal much more, knowing what was to come next.

“COME HERE BOY!” A roar came from upstairs. Walburga looked at her son for the first time in weeks, and raised her eyebrow.

“My pleasure father.” Sirius responded, dabbing his mouth with a napkin and trying to hide the wide grin he was fighting.

He slowly made his way up the stairs to the room, his mother following a step behind. 

The pair walked in and met the red hot face of Orion Black.

“What do you have to say for yourself? Well, speak boy!” He spluttered.

“Well, you see father, they rather took my fancy. I say, Pammie here is my favourite, that’s why I put her right in the middle.” Sirius walked to the end of his bed, next to his father. “See, I simply put my pillow here, when the mood takes me, and she’s in perfect view.” He pointed to the picture of Pamela, who was sucking a lollipop and winking her left eye, with her very full bare breasts on display.

Magic crackled around his father, as his rage built up. Walburga took Sirius’s hand and led him out the room, across the hall and into her own bedroom. She closed the door and cast a muffliato, then threw herself onto her bed, melting into a fit of giggles.

They could hear his father screeching and Kreacher’s wailing, echoing through the walls, and the soft thuds of Regulus running up to help them.

Sirius sat on the end of the bed, he laid back next to his mother, staring at the ceiling.

“Say mummy, did I mention I used a permanent sticking charm to put the girls up?” He turned to face her, smirking.

Sirius broke from his thoughts when he smacked into the lean, hard, body of Gilderoy Lockhart.

“Knew you couldn’t keep away for long.” Gil teased, “Must’ve been thinking about something nice, you were well away with the Fae… couldn’t have been a certain Welshman you were eyeing up at dinner last night?” He winked.

“I’m not sure what you’re trying to insinuate, Lockhart. I was thinking about breasts actually. Large, voluptuous, bosoms… A harem of gorgeous-”

Gilly cut him off, snorting a laugh. “Aye, things are kicking off with Narcissa then? Noticed you’ve not graced wee Willie’s corner this year…” He offered Sirius a cigarette and nudged him in direction of the large doors, that lead to the school grounds.

“And how would you know if I had? You’re also a taken man, are you not?” Sirius put the cigarette behind his ear and raised an eyebrow at the boy.

“Yes, I was. But then he blew his top off at me on the bloody train, had a go that I was being clingy, trying to push him into telling people his business.”

“Were you?”

“No, I was not. I just wanted to see my pals, barely spoke to Marlene over summer, didn’t see Gaz at all. My Father decided to set an itinerary for the whole holiday, spent two weeks camping in Arran, it was atrocious. It was so clammy, I was bitten to pieces by the fucking midges, I was smothered. Even got down my pants, my bawbag was burning with it, nearly had me in tears.” Gilly rambled, putting his own cigarette in his mouth and lighting it as they reached the bridge.

“Did you tell Fabian all this?” Sirius lit his own, taking a deep drag.

“No, never got the chance. You know what he’s like, starts running his mouth off, with his own conclusions. Gareth walked me out of there, said to not give him the satisfaction of seeing me upset.”

“Hmm, he might be right.”

“You know all too well, a Lupin is usually right. And back to the Lupin men, how’s Remus?”

“You tell me.” Sirius bluntly responded, taking another long pull from the stick.

Gilderoy grinned and cosied up, closer to the boy. “Oh well, you see, he seemed rather distracted. Kept trying to make eyes with someone sitting on the Gryffindor table…”

“I see, he has been all over Mary recently.”

“Aye, but we all know it wasnae her he was staring at.”

Sirius huffed, “I don’t know why you keep insisting on making these things up Gilderoy, it’s getting very tiresome.”

“Yeah, yeah, Sirius. Whatever makes you feel better, go shag your cousin some more.”

“Go and terrorise your poor sodding boyfriend some more! You big poof.” 

“I’ll see you down Willie’s tonight then?” Gilly pecked a kiss on Sirius’s cheek, before dropping his cigarette end into the water below.

Sirius blew out the last of the smoke he inhaled, turned and placed a kiss on the corner of Gil’s mouth. “You wish Lockhart.”

Gilly made a move back down the bridge, leaving Sirius watching over the calm black water below.

“Ach, you’re no fun. I’ll catch you down there some point this year. You cannae help yourself!” He shouted.

“Stay safe! And talk to your bloody boyfriend! I won’t have your tiffs fucking up our chances this season.” 

It didn’t take too long for the thoughts of what laid ahead that evening to flood back. Sirius returned back up to the castle, he found Draco sitting alone on the Slytherin table in the great hall. Draco was the picture of his mother, Sirius thought he looked angelic the first time he saw him. He was also terrified, terrified the boy would snitch on him and Cissa, admit Sirius wasn’t really his father. But it was clear as day that the boy took much after his real dad in his personality. 

Sirius always thought Lucius was spineless, a coward, but Draco has shown him really it was self-preservation, and Sirius had to admire them both for that. He was the perfect balance of the best qualities of his parents, who clearly loved and doted on him. The weight of the responsibility he felt, to take care of the boy, was crushing. Sirius sat up late into the early hours some nights, fretting over whether he should tell Cissa about the boy’s true parentage, would he harm the boy by continuing his betrothal to her. Perhaps she had an affair, that wouldn’t be so bad. Or maybe I die, a young tragic death, or become a werewolf. Or maybe I get caught, having an affair with some… werewolf. Oh stop with the bloody werewolves! Gilderoy’s right, you’re obsessed!

He took a seat next to the boy and summoned a tea set, with some biscuits, from the kitchen.

“Have you spoken to your mother today?” Sirius busied himself, pouring them both a cup.

“Briefly, she managed to say more than two sentences this time.” Draco bit back, grabbing a ginger biscuit from the plate.

“She loves you, I can see she does. But, she loves your father as well. She’s just hurting right now.”

“I understand.”

“It will get better, I’ll work it all out. The reason I took your mother’s hand is because I want what’s best for her, that extends to you too.” Sirius took a custard cream for himself, he dunked it in his tea. “Tell me, how do you fancy a bit of quidditch? I understand you’re also a seeker? I spoke to Mother and she spoke to Regulus, we decided it might be good for you to take your position up on the team here. Reg was due to take the post from your father, but he’s a fine chaser and he seems to think giving it to you will make me go soft on the Slytherin team.” 

Draco looked up at Sirius, his eyes wide, in complete disbelief.

“Don’t go thinking I will let you off easy Draco, that would be no fun now, would it?” Sirius’s eyes twinkled, a smile ghosting over his lips. “And this is only if you want to-”

Draco hugged him, with such force it knocked the air out of his lungs. “Thank you uncle Sirius, thank you so much!”

“Just remember you’re a Black here, we have a reputation to uphold. Any of the amateur dramatics your father used to play on the pitch and the deal is off, you hear me? I won’t have you laying in the infirmary, crying over a splinter.”

Draco belted a hearty chuckle, “Merlin, he didn’t really do that! Did he?”

Sirius smirked and took a sip from his cup, “The last match he played, it was the final against us. Your dad, he knew there was no coming back. We were winning, 170 points in the lead, so he decided to play a wind up didn’t he. Bloody had Frank up in the clouds one minute, diving into the stands the next, stalling the inevitable. Well, after an hour of it I had enough, got a good aim on him and whacked him clean of the broom. He only fell a foot to the ground, but the hit popped his shoulder out, so he spent a week in the infirmary. Had your mother sitting vigil at his bed.” 

Sirius cracked up at the memory, “He sent me a bottle of Ogdens, with a thank you note. The prat.”

“He was fine wasn’t he?” Draco shook his head, a full grin lighting up his face.

“Of course he was, the bastard. I had your mother sending me howlers three o’clock every morning til the end of term, he had her waiting on him hand and foot. She doesn’t see sense when it comes to the man, and he would do anything, and I mean anything for her constant attention. I couldn’t imagine what they’re like at home together, married.”

“Mother rules the place.”

“Of course she does.” Sirius huffed a laugh.

“She told father she wanted white peacocks to walk through her rose garden last summer, he had to go to a muggle breeder, a muggle! Of course, father being father bought 2 breeding pairs, so now mother will have as many peacocks as she desires.” Draco sighed, “He took her Paris, the week before I ended up here. She needed her hair cut, he takes her to Paris.”

“Good to know dear Cissa’s living the dream. I think everything will all work out Draco, and just remember, if you need a break and I’m around, you are always welcome to stay with me.”

Draco grimaced and began to shift in his seat, “Thanks uncle Sirius, and I really appreciate you looking out for me. I won’t ever forget this.”

“You’re family Draco, I’d do anything for the people I care about.” Sirius poured them both a second cup each. “I’m going to be away from the dormitory tonight, I have something that needs to be dealt with. You can still stay there, James and Pete don’t mind, just don’t get dragged into anything with the pair of them ok? They’re a ruthless pair of gossips, you know what the Longbottom women are like, it’s no wonder Jamie turned out the way he did-”

“Longbottom?”

“Effie, Jamie’s mother, Euphemia Longbottom married to Fleamont Potter… didn’t you know that?”

“No, so are James and Frank related then?”

“Yes, they are cousins, share a grandfather. We worked out their children will be cousins to the same degree that I am to myself, got to laugh in the face of adversity Draco.” Sirius downed the last of his tea and jumped to his feet. “Come on, we’ll go for a quick fly over the lake. Can’t be seen helping the other side, I’ll get it in the neck from James and Gareth Lupin, if they hear.”

Draco quickly finished his cup and rushed out of the hall, following his cousin. The pair flew all afternoon, Sirius gave Draco his comet broom, “You’ll need it more than me, I can send off for another one.”

They took off over the lakes, a few laps around the boarders of the school’s wards. It was the first time Sirius saw Draco look like the thirteen year old he was, dashing after the small golden ball Sirius had transfigured for him to practice with. The pair of them howled, skimming the water, standing on their brooms. Draco edged closer and knocked Sirius off his broom, into the the lake. As quick as he dunked into the water, he was back out and on his broom chasing his cousin. Draco had to stop on the bank, grabbing his sides, completely overcome with a giggling fit. As the afternoon drew to a close, they collected themselves and trekked back up to the school, Sirius settled Draco in at the dorm and changed out of his uniform.

He arranged to meet Moony down at the Whomping Willow for half six, sunset wasn’t due until twenty past seven, but Remus didn’t want to cut it too close. Sirius felt sick, every step he took made his face flush and he had to stop a few times to retch into a bush.

He felt pathetic. He wasn’t the one transforming against his will tonight. Think about poor Moony will you? You can’t turn up looking like this, what would he think? You’re a Black, bloody act like one. He needs me, and I want to look after him. Go and prove you’re the kind of man he needs around.

After a few deep breathes, Sirius pushed through, each step he took with purpose.

You want him. He needs you.

“I thought you might have changed your mind, you know.” Remus teased, taking a gentle puff from his fag.

“Don’t be silly Moony! If I say I’ll do something, I will do it.” Sirius put up his usual wall of steel, he had become far too comfortable around Remus recently.

“Do you want one?” Remus pulled a packet of cigarettes from his pocket.

“No, I’m quite alright Moon. Don’t think I could manage a whole one right now.”

“Here then, two’s me on this one.” He pulled the half smoked stick from his mouth and offered it to Sirius.

Sirius took the cigarette from his friend, popping it in between his own lips. Savouring the long puff, he could taste Remus on the end of it, he tasted like cheap coffee and aniseed. He blew out the air and took in another deeper drag, he closed his eyes, as he swallowed in the smoke.

“There we are, looking a bit better there Sir. C’mon we should get going in there now. There’s an opening at the base of the tree, see there? Well, just on this root, there is a knot.” Remus brushed the tiny surface on the root of the tree and it stopped thrashing about. “Only gives us a minute so we better go.” He grabbed Sirius’s arm, dragging him down the tunnel.

There was a small drop into the entrance, Remus lost his foot and went flying. Sirius lunged and caught him before he hit the floor. “Blimey Moony!” Sirius huffed, Remus snorted. “I won’t admit how many times I’ve done that coming down here.” 

They followed the dark tunnel, until they were greeted with an old wooden door. It lead to a flight of stairs, that creaked and groaned under their feet, as they made their way up.

“Here we are, home for the night. It’s nothing spectacular, but much better than a bunker at the ministry, or a room at the institution. Usually I get undressed, and I put my clothes in a box under the bed. If I leave them on they just get ruined, you see. I would say put your things in there, if you want, but I think your wand should be accessible tonight. Promise me, you’ll keep it close. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I hurt you. If it goes wrong, just set me free and get up to the castle, yeah?” Remus sat on the end of the very bare bed, untying his shoes.  

“Remus-”

“Do you promise me?”

“Yes.”

Remus smiled, it was the one he would give that always shattered Sirius’s heart, a smile that shouldn’t belong to a fifteen year old boy.

“Good, this is your last chance you know.” Remus undid his shirt, releasing the top three buttons and pulling it over his head.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Thank you.”

The two boys sat on the end of the bed, Remus covered in the itchy threadbare blanket. Neither one of them knew what to say. What should I say? Sirius thought to himself. He must feel so scared and alone, and I’m just sitting here like a lemon- Sirius was broken from his thoughts when a cold, boney hand gripped his own, he gave it a weak squeeze back. Both boys remained frozen, complete silence, other than the erratic thuds of their hearts beating. Sirius closed his eyes, focusing on keeping his breathing even, holding back the tears threatening to escape.

“Sir?” Remus whispered, into the room.

“Yeah?” Sirius breathed back.

“Ah, I think you should turn now. I-I’m g-getting cramp which usually means it’ll be a few min-minutes t-til I transform.” Remus began to pant, the waves of pain washing over him.

“Right, ok. I’ll see you in the morning Moon… everything will be alright, Remus.” And with that he whispered the incantation and began to shrink into a rather large black dog. 

Remus managed a wobbly laugh at the sight, the dog huffed and raised his eyebrows at him. Remus squeezed his eyes shut, clenching his teeth and pulled the blanket off himself. Sirius tried not to stare at the sight before him. He would never admit it, but he had spent some time wondering what his friend looked like in the nude, in those quiet moments in the middle of the night, when he couldn’t settle to sleep. 

Sirius watched on as his friend’s muscles contracted under his skin, they began to contort and his bones began to crack. Remus screamed. He could feel a whimper building in his throat, but he pushed it back down. He wanted to look away. But he didn’t, he owed Remus to at least witness what that bastard did to him. Witness his reality. The wailing was unbearable. Shrieks echoing through the entire shack.

Finally, after what had felt like hours, the noise had stopped.

A golden brown wolf stood in the place of his friend. He was at least a head taller than Sirius’s form. He was magnificent. Breathtaking. Sirius creeped closer, completely captivated by this beautiful being standing before him. The wolf lowered himself to the floor, refusing to make eye contact with him.

Feeling more confident, Sirius marched closer, wanting to catch a better view of his face. They were soon nose to nose, the wolf still refusing to make eye contact, began to lick Sirius’s muzzle. 

Sirius felt his eyes widen, Is this it? He wondered. Is he getting a taste of tonight’s dinner? 

The wolf looked up at him.

Sirius saw those warm amber eyes he knew so well, they were watching him, there was still that kind and gentle heart beating inside this gorgeous creature.

The wolf rolled onto his back, exposing his tummy to Sirius, eyes still locked onto each other. Sirius lowered himself down next to his friend, he felt the thick, downy fur snuggle up to him, he curled himself around the wolf.

Sirius awoke to the light of the morning, breaking though the shutters, over the old windows. He could feel the small snores coming from his friend, blowing into his coat. Slipping himself out, he transformed back and stretched his limbs. He couldn’t remember much from the night before, other than the pair of them dozing off on the floor. Did we really sleep all night? Well that’s not terribly exciting. We’ll have to think something up to tell the others.

He scooped Remus into his arms, he was a cold, sweaty, heap of limbs, and placed him on the bed. He transfigured the blanket into something a bit more substantial and wrapped his friend in it. After casting a Tempus, to check the time, he set an alarm with his wand.

Remus mentioned he had to be at his brother’s room for eight, so the alarm was set for half seven. He settled down on the bed next to Remus, his eyes fell shut again and he felt like a weight had been lifted from him.

“Hey, Hey Sir? Wake up.” Remus whispered, lightly prodding his friend on the shoulder.

“Hmm, What? What’s happened?” Sirius stirred from his sleep, he could hear the beeping coming from his wand on the bed stand.

“Oh, thank God you’re alright.” Remus smothered him in a hug, Sirius noticed he must have got dressed before waking him.

“Of course I am, told you it would all be fine.”

“How was it?”

“Unremarkable.” Sirius chuckled. “You were…well…a work of art, exquisite.”

“Was I cruel to you?”

“No, we had a sniff of eachother and then we went to sleep.”

“Bloody hell!” Remus grinned. “We’ll have to make something up to tell the others, won’t we?”

“My thoughts exactly Moon! C’mon we better get you up to Gary.” Sirius gave him his arm to take.

“Thanks Sir. You know, I’m not an invalid!”

“Oh, I know. Just thought I’d take the precaution before you trip over your feet again.”

The boys made their way back down the stairs and through the tunnel. Sirius held onto Remus with an iron grip, until they made it back out and past the tree.

“So Moony, tell me, what is so important you have to rush up to see your bother?”

“Well Saturday night is Dr Who night, it’s my favourite TV show. You should join us if you want, Mam writes us the story and sends us pictures, Gilly always reads it to us. You should hear his voice for Sarah Jane!” Remus laughed, a bright smile taking over his face.

“I would love to join, you should probably catch me up on it though. So it’s about a muggle Doctor?” Sirius felt his stomach flutter, as Remus began to explain the world of this alien man, who travelled in a muggle telephone box.

“… So there were these aliens called Zygons, they look like tentacles from a starfish! They can essentially polyjuice themselves into people. And the Doctor and Sarah Jane, they are staying in a Bed and Breakfast near Loch Ness, they find the Zygon ship up there, it’s under the Loch! And the muggle army, they’re up there investigating it aswell, the Brigadier, he’s such a twat! He’s absolutely no help..”

Sirius’s cheeks ached the rest of that day, he smiled so much that morning. It might not have been watching a show on a real muggle telly box, but sitting in bed with Remus listening to Lockhart murder an English accent was a fair enough trade.