The Muggle Picture House
“Go on Sirius, you can tell me. Just how many times has James cried over Evans since you arrived?” Remus taunted as the four teenagers exited The Leaky Cauldron into muggle London.
“Yeah nice try Moony, I’m not falling for that again. I’m a man of honour! And I certainly take no joy in my friend’s misery.” Sirius responded, grabbing James by the shoulder and storming ahead of the two other boys. As he leant to whisper in his friends ear, he snuck his other arm behind his back and raised four fingers.
Peter snorted at the sight.
“Man of honour my arse. Do you reckon that was by the hour? He’s been crying to me at least daily over the girl. He said he wanted to learn guitar at one point, something about muggle girls liking to hear songs written about them. Apparently, The Beatles used to do it, and Evans loves The Beatles…Did you know Evans loves the Beatles? Paul is her favourite. Did you know that Paul is her favourite Beatle Moony?” Peter was now going red in the face, recalling each detail James had tortured him with over the past 3 weeks of summer.
“No, I wasn’t aware that Evans is in love with Paul McCartney? Was you aware, Sir? Was you aware of Evans’ unwavering devotion to national heartthrob Paul McCartney?” Remus called over to the lads now striding ahead. “I would call it a day now if I were you James, you know he has a thing for ginger girls? That Jane Asher, he went with her for a while, and she certainly has a look of Evans about her… I think she has green eyes even, now I think of it…”
James stopped dead in his tracks and turned back to his friends.
“Fuck off Moony.”
He waited for Remus and Peter to catch up, before strutting off again, this time leaving Sirius behind.
“Is Paul really her favourite? I think I would prefer George, if I were a female, that is. He seems more the soppy sort girls fancy.” Sirius started.
Peter let out a flustered sigh and ran off to catch up with James, clearly ready to explode if he had to hear anymore of just about anything to do with Lily Evans, or her favourite band. Remus let out a chuckle as Peter’s starting sprint quickly turned into a laboured jog as he disappeared down the road.
“Mam always says you can tell a lot about a woman from her favourite. Paul is the one for girls that like a pretty boy.” Remus mused.
“Well that’s James’ chances truly down the pan then!” Sirius began to laugh.
“So you didn’t run away this time?” Asked Remus, turning to face his friend.
“Nope.”
“Your parents let you meet with your delinquent friends for a day out to the muggle cinema? How have you managed that? Confundus Charm? Did you use the Imperius on them Sirius?” Remus began to whisper as they walked through the busy streets of Soho.
“Worse.”
Remus steered Sirius into a doorway and pulled out a small tin from his denim jacket. Opening the tin he took a small hand rolled cigarette and lit it with a match. Taking a deep breath of smoke from the stick he offered it over to Sirius and watched as the boy choked on his first drag.
“Gareth let me take a couple, said it can help settle your nerves. Might help me with the moons he thought, so I said I’d give it a go like, and I really likes it. Takes getting used to, well to begin with.” Remus began to ramble, as he usually did when he started to feel nervous
“Your brother gave you cigarettes to cope with transforming? I really have heard it all now” Sirius’ face lit up as he took a second, more confident pull from the stick. “And to think, you’re supposed to be the good boy Remus, instead you’re here tempting me with muggle smokes”
“You can give me that back and bloody tell me what’s going on with you.” Remus snatched the cigarette that was resting between Sirius’s fingers.
“I’m betrothed… to be married.”
“And who is the poor victim? Don’t tell me, don’t tell me… Black family so… is it Bellatrix or Narcissa?” Remus joked, raising his right eyebrow up at Sirius.
“Narcissa.”
It was now Remus’ turn to catch his breath.
“Fuck, fucking shit. Sirius, I didn’t mean it like that, really I didn’t think-”
“It’s fine actually. Cissa and I, we decided it could work out between us, she’s been struggling since Dromeda left to marry Ted. Lucius is still as spineless as ever, for someone who says he’s in love you’d think he’d bloody do something about it by now, and I’d rather look after her than let her go off with that Lestrange brother. He’s a beast, the way he looked at her across the table… It was the right thing to do.” Sirius began to kick at the dust on the floor, not able to bring his eyes up and look Remus in the face.
“If you’re sure, then I’ll support you. You know that don’t you? I’ll give the jokes a rest too, I’ll save it all for lover-boy Potter.” Remus took a final drag, before dropping the cigarette to the floor and stubbing it out with his foot. “I’ll make the assumption James knows.”
“Nope, I’ll have to sit him and Pete down at some point before we start school, thought I would talk to you first actually. I think it’s the Welsh thing, you always have the answer or a saying for just about anything, and now cigarettes! Makes the perfect agony aunt does Moony.” Sirius broke a small smile as he patted Remus on the shoulder.
Leaving the doorway they made their way down the street, in no rush to catch up with their two friends.
When they finally reached the cinema James and Peter were leaning up against the wall, near the entrance, furiously whispering to each other.
“Nice of you two to finally join us! Where have you been? Emergency hag’s meeting on the way?” James shouted as the two lads approached.
“Oh, didn’t you walk past her too? We bumped into Lily, didn’t we? She was in a bit of a hurry actually. She had a date with her, some guy named Paul?” Remus teased.
“Ah yes! That was his name! Paul, yes! lovely, lovely chap, wasn’t he Moony?” Sirius joined in, quickly catching on to Remus's scheme.
“Certainly was Sir, voice like an angel he had.”
“Oh yes! What a dear, sweet, northern cherub was Paul. Wonderful bloke!” Sirius’ face began to break into a smile.
“Give it a rest you two, might as well find something else to do. We’ve missed Jaws.” Peter butted in.
“Surely there’s more on than Jaws! Do all three screens show the same film in these picture houses? Look here we go…The Rocky Horror Picture Show. That’s showing in ten minutes, plenty of time to pay and get seats, isn’t it Moon?” Sirius asked, scanning the board next to the ticket booth.
“I’d say so, Gareth took Daisy to see that one the other day. Said it was alright, some sort of rock musical about aliens? Apparently one of the girls spends most of the film in her underwear..” Remus stood by Sirius, also looking up at the board.
Peter bolted to the ticket booth.
“Four tickets to the rocky picture show please!”
The four lads found seats close to the back of the screen, bags of popcorn and drinks in hand, feet up on the back of the chairs in front.
“Looks popular.” Peter sighed, as he dramatically glanced around the near empty room.
“Sarcasm doesn’t suit you Pete.” James huffed.
“Oh, look everyone! He speaks.” Remus piped up.
Sirius sat back into his seat snorting a laugh at the squabble unfolding between the group.
They fell silent as the room turned dark and a pair of bright red lips came onto the screen and began to sing.
The boys soon entranced as the story unfolded, although Remus couldn’t help himself getting some jibes in once he noticed the resemblance between James and a certain character. As Brad jumped around the screen declaring his love to Janet, Remus took his chance.
“I feel like someone dropped me into one of your wet dreams James. Tell me, do you drag Evans up the aisle, at the end like that for a sloppy one?” He half whispered across.
“You’ve got cocky, you know? Is it the new found confidence since you’ve had Mary feeding your ego all summer?” James snapped back.
Peter began to stuff more popcorn into his mouth as the boys on either side of him got heated.
“What’s that supposed to mean, Potter?” Remus snarled.
“Oh I see! Weren’t going to tell us about your girlfriend, Lupin?” James bit back.
“What girlfriend?” Sirius Scoffed
“Mary MacDonald, Remus has been writing to her all summer. They’re an item so I’ve heard.”
“And where did you hear that Potter?” Remus asked, a heat rising up his neck and cheeks.
“Never you mind Lupin, but I think it rich to taunt me when you, how did it go… oh yes ‘can’t wait to take those rosey cheeks into my hands and kiss those gorgeous pink lips of yours Mary’” Potter swooned, as he reached over taking Peter’s chubby cheeks into his hands, and dramatically leant in.
Remus crossed his arms, seething as he turned his attention back to the film.
“So what if Moony is making a few waves? At least he’s grown and pair and talks to the girl.” Said Sirius as he reached over to take a bag of popcorn from Peter, before they all got eaten.
There wasn’t a sound from the boys from then on, except the extraordinary loud gasps that escaped both Peter and James, as Janet finally stripped down to her undergarments. Remus wasn’t paying too much attention to the film, musicals weren’t really his thing anyway, especially one about about an eccentric doctor who’s made a man.
An eccentric doctor who made himself a man.
A doctor who is now touching the almost naked, well toned, man.
Who is touching the very attractive, almost naked man, all the way down to his…
Remus felt his cheeks burn and a warmth rush into his stomach.
Slowly shifting in his seat he was grateful for the darkness of the cinema screen. ‘Forgives a multitude of sins’ Gareth would always wink after returning from a date with one of the local girls back home.
Looking down the row, James and Peter were both nodding their heads to the now upbeat song, and roars of the motorbike darting across the screen. Sirius, however, seemed completely unreadable.
It wasn’t that he wore his heart on his sleeve. In fact, contrary to popular belief, Sirius was probably the best of the group at schooling his emotions. His downfall was that he would leave everything to simmer until it reached a boiling point, of monumental proportions, the repercussions would be well known to just about everyone within the dreaded fall out zone.
Remus reached out to the armrests either side of him and gripped them, taking deep breaths.
Might as well try that grounding shite Pomfrey rattles on about, he thought to himself.
It was working for a short time, that was until the doctor walked his man, Rocky, down aisle to the wedding march and pounced on him. It was at that moment he felt a warm, sweaty hand frantically grab his own. Remus shot a look to his left and was met with the wild eyes of Sirius Black. Both boys quickly snatched their hands from the arm rest and readjusted themselves in their seats.
The rest of the film was punishing. Men and women in various states of undress, suggestion of just about everyone having sex with just about anyone, Remus didn’t know where to look. Sure, it was difficult enough to gather yourself at the tender age of fifteen, but something was pulling at Remus’ stomach and made his face flush every time he laid eyes on the scantily clad men prancing across the screen. Maybe it was the strangeness of it all. It wasn’t that Remus had an issue with men of that persuasion, it was just not displayed so openly was all. That must’ve been it.
He snuck a glance back to Sirius, who had gone back to gripping the armrests, like his life depended on it, eyes wide like saucers. Remus tried to turn his attention back to the film, which seemed to be finally reaching its end, but couldn’t help noticing Sirius’ constant fidgeting in the seat next to him.
“You alright there, Sir?” Remus leant over and whispered.
Sirius flinched.
“All fine Moony, it’s just these bloody seats. You would think they would be better made considering you’re sat in them for so bloody long!”
“Yeah, tell me about it. Not too bad this film, is it? Do you think Pete’s realised that girl’s got her tits popping out yet?”
Sirius smirked, looking across Remus at the two boys.
“The way he’s holding that bag of popcorn over his lap? I would say he is very well aware.”
Remus snickered. “Bet he’s glad we missed Jaws now. Usually I’m not all that keen on musicals, but this one’s a bit different I think. Reckon that Rocky could’ve done with a few signing lessons though.”
“We can’t have it all Moony. Do you think Brad will end up marrying Janet in the end?”
“I think Brad will probably end up marrying Janet, but something tells me he won’t be forgetting Frank anytime soon.”
“Do you think he would be happier with Frank?” Asked Sirius.
Remus carefully studied Sirius’ face, the two boys holding each others eyes for just a second too long.
“I think… Brad needed a taste of what he could have had, but Janet is a bit of a minx. In all honestly, I think Frank would be too exhausting for him after a while. All the theatrics, parties, the whole alien thing. I think he needs someone to love, who would be devoted to him and all his ridiculous plans.”
“I hope he finds him.” Sirius murmured.
“Oh he will, probably when gets back to his planet. There has to be someone out there as mad as he is.”
Sirius seemed to brighten up at the thought, as Frank began to sing his final song.
Everywhere it's been the same, feeling
Like I'm outside in the rain, wheeling
Free, to try and find a game, dealing
Cards for sorrow, cards for pain
Remus couldn’t help himself, taking any chance he could to catch a glimpse of Sirius watching the screen. Completely enraptured by the small quirk on his friend’s lips, the long dimples in his cheeks, his watery silver eyes. Remus felt a smile take over his own face, he finally found his distraction from the debauchery on the screen.
'Cause I've seen, oh, blue skies
Through the tears in my eyes
And I realise
I'm going home
That was until the maid and butler pointed their laser gun straight for Frank and began to shoot.
Remus watched on as Sirius’ face shattered, tears began to freely pour, his lower lip tremble. In a rush of frenzied panic, Remus reached over and took his friends hand in his own, giving it a gentle squeeze. Sirius gripped back.
They sat there frozen until the closing song came to an end.
And crawling on the planet's face
Some insects called the human race
Lost in time, and lost in space
And meaning
Remus wasn’t sure quite how long it was in total they sat there, he couldn’t even say he remembered much of the rest of the film. Time stood still, all he could think about was how Sirius’ fingers fit perfectly between his own, and how the sniffles next to him would calm down when he rubbed his thumb back and forth over his knuckle.
The lights came on as the credits rolled on the screen, Remus and Sirius both jolted, quickly letting go of eachother’s hands.
“Well, that was certainly something! I think we’ll keep this trip to ourselves chaps, not sure what Mum and Dad would make of that one.” James stretched his arms and legs out.
“We should probably be making a move soon, told Mam I would be home before dinner.” Remus smiled over.
“Yeah, come on then. We could get some fish and chips on the way back to leaky if you want Pete? What do you say Sirius, fancy some chips?” James asked, looking down the row to the others.
Sirius didn’t respond.
“Yeah, just a minute though James, I tell you what, actually… you go and I’ll catch up. My leg’s gone dead, need to give it a minute -” Peter stuttered.
“Yeah, a dead leg is it Pete? I’ll take the popcorn then, seeing as I’m not joining you for tea.” Remus made a grab for the bag.
“NO! No, it’s just… W-well I said to-”
“Oi, let Moony have the popcorn, you’ve demolished the other bag!” James started, smacking Peter on the shoulder.
“Yeah Pete, be a good good sport.” Remus said, turning to face the boy.
“I can’t! I can’t move the bloody bag ok?!”
“Why? What’re you hiding under there?” James teased.
“Don’t make me say it out loud…” Peter wailed.
“It happens to all of us mate-”
“Speak for yourself Potter.” Remus taunted.
“Have you tried thinking about anything to make it go, I usually go for Minnie myself. Just think of her wandering about in her tartan nightie, her ratty old night cap.” Said James, a mischievous glint sparkling in his eye.
“No, not Minnie James, no, Sprout is where it’s at. Waltzing around the greenhouses, tending to her Turnips.” Remus joined in, holding in a laugh at the shade of pink blooming over Peter’s cheeks.
A wicked smile spread across James’ face, “Yeah! Just think Pete, she’s got two turnips in her hands…She’s just reaching to rub the tips of-”
“Enough!” Sirius shouted, jumping from his seat and storming out of the screen.
“I’ll go see to him, he’s got a lot on his plate at the moment. I’ll see you at the party next week, enjoy the chips!” Remus rushed out the room.
“Sirius, wait up will you? Bloody hell! Give me a minute at least!” Remus panted as he ran up the road after his friend. “Was it the Sprout thing? I don’t really think about her, it was just too good an opportunity to miss. Pete’s face was definitely worth it…”
“No.”
“Ok, was it the film then? Or the Betrothal?”
“They killed him Remus.”
“Who?”
“Frank, they killed him because he didn’t fit in. They were never going to take him home, they just used him while it suited them, and then disposed of him when they got what they wanted. That’s what Mother did to Uncle Alphard. She could see past his sympathies to the muggles, because she needed him when father ruined our finances. She used Alph, for his charm, and his talent with numbers, and then once he picked us up from the ground…she kicked him to the curb. He’s banished from our house, not invited to any family parties, if she knew I was still in contact with him… well I suppose she would do the same to me too.” Sirius stopped, leaning against a wall.
“You’re not Frank, Sirius. You’re not your Uncle either.” Said Remus, standing in front of Sirius once he had finally caught up.
“No, but I am my cousin.”
Remus barked a laugh, “Bloody hell, you really choose your moments Black.” He pulled a cigarette from his tin and put it to his lips. “Want to share another?”
“No, better not. Mother will smell it on me the second I walk through the door, and then she might never let me free to see saucy films with my wayward friends.”
“Saucy films!” Remus was howling again. “I reckon Pete’s still there now, he might never make it to that chippy.”
“Well, I wasn’t going to admit it, but I found the whole Sprout teasing her turnips scenario quite erotic myself. I don’t know quite how I’m to enter that greenhouse next term and look her in the eye.” Sirius’s silver eyes sparkled, as he kicked away from the wall.
Remus was wheezing, giving up on even attempting to start his cigarette, he stopped himself against the wall to catch his breath. Sirius watched on fondly, holding back his own chuckle as his friend gathered himself.
Remus felt Sirius grab his arm and pull him down the street, “Come on Moony, can’t have you late home for tea, can we?”