He doesn't know how it happened. How he knew. Regulus had only told five people, all of whom he trusts his life with. And yet…
Regulus’ day had been going normally, going to his classes and impatiently waiting for them to be over so he could go back to the comfort of his bed and burrow there for a few hours before dinner. And he almost succeeded in doing just that. He was walking to his last class of the day, Astronomy, and was a mere hour away from being able to experience the comfort of his bed and the all-around lack of people that that comfort allowed.
He didn't mind Astronomy class, it wasn’t his favorite like Potions but it wasn't a bad class to have at the end of the school day. The Professor is very laid back and all around very hippie,which Regulus prefers compared to some of the other teachers he has. And well, though he’d never admit it out loud, he liked who he saw on the way to Astronomy class.
Regulus realized in third year, when he had started taking Astronomy, that while he was going to class, James Potter was leaving. And at first, it hadn't been a big deal. James was simply his brother's loud, extroverted best friend. And then-and then James started going out of his way to talk to Regulus in the halls, to ask him questions. The questions varied and, inevitably, repeated, and yet even if Regulus pretended to be annoyed by them he still clung onto the little interactions. He started to find James’ loud, extroverted-ness endearing and started craving seeing him in the halls, talking to him, seeing that wide smile that James always wears. He bloody liked James Potter and was quite helpless to the fact. Simply no one compared to that wide smile and those chocolate brown eyes that always had glasses sitting askew in front of them. He liked to tease James about it; his glasses that never seemed to sit properly on his nose. Sometimes, if he felt particularly courageous that day, he would stop James with a hand on the arm and fix the glasses for him. You look ridiculous walking around with your glasses like that, Potter he’d say and James would always, always, laugh.
He wondered what James would ask him today. Sometimes it was: Having a good day, Reggie? Sometimes it was: Are you going to be practicing on the quidditch pitch tonight before dinner? The list just kept going: Did you read the new installment of Quidditch Weekly yet? Did you notice how Dumbledore cut his beard? Are you going to watch the next quidditch game? Do you like the rainy weather, Reggie? Are you going to Hogsmeade this weekend? Do you think there's going to be Treacle Tart at dinner tonight? Halloween is coming up soon, are you excited? And sometimes, Regulus’ favorite times, James would compliment him. That’s a cute hair clip, Reggie he’d say, hand coming up and touching it, fingers grazing over the design. A, “You have a nice smile, Reggie” when James would catch him off guard and say something funny or incredibly stupid, and Regulus couldn't help but smile about it. You know, you kind of have freckles before winter comes and makes them fade, they’re nice he’d say with the barest touch to the side of Regulus’ nose where his freckles mainly resided.
And he was so, so close to having that small interaction that Regulus looked forward to so much. So close that he could already see James on the other end of the hall, making his way down it. And then he just had to trip and fall over someone's littered quill on the floor, sending him and his stuff to the floor. And the whole tripping and falling thing truly wouldn't have mattered if it wasn't for the fact that he wasn't wearing his outer robes or a white button-up shirt tucked into his pants that was his typical uniform and instead, a loose Slytherin house sweater.
And well, that's how it happens. Because he trips and falls and that stupid fucking sweater rids up his back. And Snape and his crew of assholes just had to be there, going in the same direction as Regulus. And the bottom of his binder just had to peek out from beneath the material, visible to Snape and his crew of assholes.
“What's that?” Mulciber asked from somewhere behind him.
That sent Regulus scrambling up, realizing what, hopefully only Mulciber saw. He tugged down his sweater immediately, ready to just run out of the hall and leave his books and parchments on the hall floor.
“Well, let's see, why don't we, boys?” Snape sneered in that stupid, annoying fucking drawl of his. And then before Regulus could even run, could even fully register Snape’s words, the side of his shirt was being tugged up and his binder was being revealed on both ends.
He didn't even need to snatch back his shirt because Snape dropped it almost as soon as he picked it up. But Regulus knew that everyone in the hall had seen, that everyone now knew.
Snape scoffed behind him. “You're one of those people. As if you being a fag wasn’t disgusting enough. Although, since you have tits and a cunt and are a girl you aren't really a fag, you're just pretending to be one.”
“That's why you never changed in the changing rooms after quidditch practice? Because you're actually a fucking girl,” Mulciber says.
“Merlin, you’re fucking disgusting! How did they even let a freak like you in here?” Avery spits out.
And Regulus just freezes. Just stands there. His hands are shaking and he can feel tears streaming down his face and his mind is screaming at him to move. And yet he just fucking stands there. That is until he sees him, sees James, still across the hall a way but closer than he was before. See the look on James’ face that he can only distinguish as disgust. Sees the way James’ hand is fisting his jumper in a way that Regulus can only distinguish as anger. At him, at Regulus. Because James finds him disgusting just like half the school will come tomorrow when the word has spread. And that, that hurts worse than anything Snape or Mulciber or Avery could sneer and spit out at him. Because he likes James, blushes when the boy so much as touches his skin, and James finds him disgusting. And while he’d never say anything because his best friend is Regulus’ brother, he certainly thinks it.
That's what gets Regulus moving, what has him running. He passes his brother on his flee out of the hallway, Sirius clutching his wand and walking in the opposite direction Regulus is going, probably to go hex Snape and the rest of the lot. Regulus can't seem to care, to tell Sirius that he’s outnumbered and therefore an idiot for trying to get into a fight with them, he just runs.
He makes it to his dorm out of breath and hyperventilating and it's hard to decipher if it's because of the fact that he was running or the fact that he had been crying the whole way here. Evan and Barty are there, presumably skipping class to suck on each other's faces and have sex, the former of which they were doing when Regulus got into the room. They stop when they look over and see Regulus.
Barty is up and out of bed in seconds, holding his wand tight in his clenched fist. “Who do I need to fucking kill?”
Evan isn't too far behind him, out of his bed mere seconds after Barty. “What happened, Reg? Are you okay?”
“Snape….pulled up…shirt…everyone,” Regulus chokes out, which is honestly a miracle with how hard he’s crying.
“I am going to kill someone,” Barty states, and then he’s leaving the room without another word.
Evan stays, walking closer until he stops in front of Regulus. “You need to breathe, Reg. In and out, okay?”
Regulus does as he’s told, failing through the first few attempts before finally managing.
“Good, good. Just breathe. It's okay. You're okay. It's just me, no one's going to hurt you,” Evan says softly.
Regulus falls into Evan’s arms and cries. He’s already been hurt.
✯
Regulus doesn't leave his dorm or his bed for the next four days. After he eventually cried himself out he went to his bed and fell asleep within minutes of laying in it, emotionally and physically exhausted. Pandora and Dorcas came up to the dorm the next morning, offering him comforting touches and the reminder that he didn't deserve that and that whatever those ‘brainless cunts’ (their exact words) said wasn’t true. They all took turns bringing him up meals and taking notes for his various classes so he didn't fall behind. His brother came to see him every day but because of said brainless cunts he wasn’t allowed in the dungeons and so Regulus was always stuck with some secondhand words that Barty and Evan reported back to him for Sirius.
He wanted his brother.
His brother who, at the age of 9, helped Regulus cut his hair when he’d told him that he was a boy and then took all the blame for it when his mother found out later that day. His brother who held him when he cried late at night because he felt like a boy and he shouldn't because he was supposed to be a girl and told him that just because you're ‘supposed’ to be something doesn't mean that you are. His brother who bought him his first binder; Regulus, to this day, doesn't know how he knew where to get one.
He wanted to cry in his brother's arms like he did when he was a little boy and say I’m a boy, Sirius. I’ve always been a boy. Why won't they just let me be a boy?
It was this, the childlike need for his older brother, that made him leave his room. On that fifth day, he crept down from his dorm and made his way to the Astronomy Tower. It was the day of the Hogsmeade trip so the school was relatively void of students much to Regulus’ delight. Barty, Evan, Pandora, and Dorcas offered to stay back with him but Regulus insisted that they go have fun; he knew they had been looking forward to it. Regulus’ plan was-well, it wasn’t a plan exactly, in the sense that it only involved Regulus sitting here in the Astronomy Tower and waiting for Sirius to come find him; he always fucking knew where Regulus was somehow. He knew it could be hours before Sirius finally came up to the Tower but Regulus didn't mind the wait, content to just sit there with his thoughts.
It was sooner rather than later that he heard footsteps coming closer, stopping after a few seconds, probably having made their way to the entryway. He turns, expecting to see Sirius. No honestly, how does he always find him? He’ll have to ask him later.
“Oh,” he breathes out softly.
“Hi, Reggie,” James says from the entryway. Because it's James that's there, not Sirius.
“Hi,” Regulus says, voice still a mere breath.
“Could I…sit with you?” James asks.
The question confuses Regulus. Why would James want to sit with him if he so clearly found him disgusting? Nonetheless, Regulus still finds himself saying, “Yes.”
James closes the short distance that's between the entryway and the ledge Regulus is sitting on, sitting down across from Regulus, tucking his knees to his chest much like Regulus already has.
“Are you okay? You haven't been to classes for a few days and Sirius tells me that every time he tries to see you he’s not able to.”
“Thats because some people in Slytherin are annoying fucking idiots,” Regulus says, ignoring James’ question.
James lets out a small laugh. “Yeah,” he agrees. “It probably didn't help that he hexed them six ways to Sunday.”
“You think he shouldn't have?” Regulus asks, stomach already dropping.
James gives him an incredulous look. “Do I think he shouldn't have? Of course, I think he should have. Bloody well helped him do it too.”
“Oh,” Regulus says dumbly. James helped him. So maybe that means he doesn't find him…disgusting.
“I'm so sorry Snape did that to you, Reggie. It was terrible,” James says sincerely, looking every amount of it as well.
“You weren't disgusted…by me?” Regulus mutters.
James’ eyebrows shoot up. “Disgusted? Gods, no. No, Reggie. You did absolutely nothing to be disgusted by. Snape and those other fucking idiots are the disgusting ones for doing that to you.”
Some tension seeps out of Regulus at James’ words, though he’s still confused on why James reacted the way he did if he wasn’t disgusted by Regulus. “Yeah,” Regulus agrees softly, looking down at his knees.
“Do you…want to talk about it?” James asks slowly, hesitant.
Regulus considers this for a moment before nodding. He sighs, trying to figure out how to put his thoughts into words. “I…I just felt so exposed. On display for everyone to point and laugh at or throw cruel comments at. And-” his voice cracks, tears filling his eyes, “And it was mine. Mine to tell, mine to not. Mine. And he took that away.”
“Can I touch you?” James asks and Regulus realizes that his hands are shaking where they rest on his knees.
Regulus’ first instinct is to say ‘no’ because it’s his usual automatic response to the idea of touch. But he also thinks that James is one of the only people he wants to touch him besides his friends and his brother. James is kind, and gentle when he needs to be, and Regulus doesn't doubt that his touch is the same as well. And so maybe, just maybe, James will be able to touch him, hold him, and not hurt him, not like others have anyway. Touch me soft and don’t ever not touch me at all Regulus thinks.
“Yes.”
James’ hand is honey-dripping slow moving towards him, giving Regulus time to change his mind or back away if he wants to. Regulus doesn't move. The first touch of one of James’ fingers on the back of Regulus’ hand has his breath hitching slightly. James’ hand is slow, delicate as it moves across the back of Regulus’ hand. It’s warm, Regulus notes, and soft, a smooth glide against Regulus’ skin. It feels so intimate, the way James touches him. And so when James’ fingers trail over the side of Regulus’ thumb, he lets his hand fall open, palm up. The skin of Regulus’ palm tickles as James trails his fingers over it and then stops when James slots his fingers between Regulus’.
Oh.
This is nice. Really nice. James’ hand is warm and soft and gentle and James is warm and soft and gentle and Regulus’ heart thumps out a quick beat that sounds a lot like I love you.
Oh.
“Reggie, they can be cruel and say terrible things but they cannot take away you, who you are. Not if you don’t let them. That's yours. Yours, Reg,” James says, soft like the rustle of leaves from the wind.
“Mine,” Regulus says. And then much louder, much more certain, “It's mine.”
And it is. Hogwarts is not forever. The cruel people he’ll meet and have met here are not forever. Being sixteen is not forever. But who he is, who he’s always been, is.
“Yours,” James says, giving Regulus’ hand a quick squeeze.
They sit there for a long while in silence. The tree branches move, the wind blows, people go on with their day, and they sit there together, a hand holding another. Regulus thinks if love is like this, the soft lull and gentle quietness of just existing together, that he wouldn't mind letting himself get lost in it.
It's in this quietness that Regulus remembers what had (and still does) confused him earlier. “You said…If you weren't disgusted by me that day in the hall why did your face look the way it did, why did it have that expression on it? And you-you were clutching your sweater like you were angry or something.”
James’ entire body tenses up, even the hand in Regulus’. And no, that just won't do. Regulus begins rubbing soft circles over the back of James’ hand with his thumb, feeling quite proud of himself when James’ body relaxes just a bit.
James takes a deep breath and now Regulus is getting nervous. What could James possibly have to say that would warrant him becoming all tense?
“I-I wasn’t disgusted or angry. I would never, not with you.” Regulus feels his heart do another one of those quick thumps at his words. “I wasn’t disgusted or angry,” James repeats, “I was scared.”
Regulus’ brows furrowed in confusion. “Scared?”
“Do you remember that time I hexed Snape to be bald when I was in third year?”
The switch of topic is so fast it almost gives Regulus whiplash. Nonetheless, he still nods and says, “Yeah. I remember.”
“Well, I didn't just do it for fun.”
Regulus doesn't say anything, letting James get to his point at his own pace.
“I was in History of Magic. Sirius, Remus, and Pete didn't have the class with me, and the only other people I knew in there were Marlene and Lily. He was there though, Snape.” Regulus already didn't like where this was going. “The class went by fine. It wasn’t until I had stood up to pack up and leave that it happened.”
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, James,” Regulus says because James has gone tense again.
James doesn't verbally acknowledge what Regulus said, just gives him a barely-there nod. “I had gotten my period. I didn't know of course. It was the first time it had ever happened. And it would have been fine if Marls or Lily had noticed first instead of Snape. But well, he did notice first and he-he announced it in front of everyone who was still in class. I was so fucking embarrassed. And I-I’d never gotten it before and I was just so confused.”
“Oh, James,” Regulus says, heart in his stomach. He tugs James’ hand closer to himself as if he can protect James from the cruelty of the world that has already hurt him.
“That’s why I was scared,” James says wetly; he’s crying now. Regulus feels fucking murderous. “Because people might not remember that time four years ago when that trans guy got his period in class but they would certainly remember if the biggest asshole in school lifted up his shirt and everyone saw his binder. I was an easy target. Heknew.”
“I’m going to kill him. Murder him for even having the audacity to look at you,” Regulus states.
James sniffles and begins wiping at the tears on his cheeks. “I’m sorry. I didn't mean to start crying.”
“Don’t you dare apologize, James Potter. Not for this. You have nothing to be sorry for. You're allowed to cry,” Regulus says firmly.
James sniffles again and is quiet for a moment before saying, “Would you…maybe want to come up to my dorm? I have a stash of chocolate from Honeydukes up there and chocolate always makes me feel better after I cry. And we could-could hang out. Talk.”
And how could Regulus say no to an offer like that? There’s chocolate and James and that's all the prompting Regulus needs to say, “Yes.”
They make their way up to Gryffindor Tower in silence and they don’t stop holding each other's hand until they have to go through the portrait hole. The Gryffindor Common Room is relatively empty when they step into it, with a few people here and there. Needless to say, they make it up to James’ dorm undisturbed.
The dorm looks much like it did the last time Regulus saw it; an absurd amount of red filling every corner of the room and the same four four-poster beds.
“You can sit down. I'll get the chocolate,” James says, gesturing towards his bed.
Regulus nods, toeing off his shoes before taking a seat.
It's not long before James comes over carrying a variety of different chocolate candies, which he drops onto the bed before taking a seat. “I didn't know which kind of chocolate you like so I kind of just…brought them all,” James says, looking a little bashful.
Regulus can't help but smile, finding the gesture endearing. He scopes over the pile of chocolate, humming considerably before picking one out of the pile. “Dark chocolate is the only right answer. If you say your favorite is white chocolate I might just have to leave the room.”
James laughs. “If I say milk chocolate will you stay?”
Regulus hums in fake consideration. “I suppose. At least then I can lead you onto the right path.”
“You're very passionate about this chocolate business.”
“Oh yes, I take chocolate picking very seriously.”
James laughs and then so does Regulus. It feels good to laugh after being quite miserable for the past few days.
James picks a chocolate of his own, presumably of the milk chocolate variety, and moves until he’s settled against his headboard. Regulus looks at him from where he’s settled near the end of the bed, fiddling with his chocolate, itching to go sit beside him but not knowing if it's allowed.
“I don’t think you're going to convince me to join your dark chocolate agenda from all the way over there,” James says, raising one eyebrow slightly.
A stupid giddy smile spreads across Regulus’ face. He goes and sits next to James against the headboard. James smiles that wide smile of his at him and Regulus has to pretend to be suddenly interested in opening his chocolate to hide the blush that coats his cheeks. Screw James and that stupid, beautiful smile of his. He can hear James opening his own chocolate next to him.
And so they eat their chocolate sitting next to each other. It does, admittedly, make Regulus feel slightly better. James tried the dark chocolate Regulus picked out just to deem it ‘too bitter’, which only led Regulus to eat it with more enthusiasm (which just caused James to laugh).
“Even if I like milk chocolate could I still hold your hand?” James asks after an indeterminate silence.
Regulus holds his hand palm up in lieu of an answer. James’ fingers are slotting against his only seconds later. James puts their entwined hands in his lap and Regulus shifts closer, leaning into James, head on his shoulder. James lets his head lean against Regulus’ moments later.
“You know,” James starts, “Marlene punched him after what he did back in third year. Didn't even say anything, just went up to him and hit him.”
“Good,” Regulus says, “He deserved it.”
“He did,” James agrees. “And then she turned to me right after and said ‘Merlin’s fucking tits that hurt!’ and even though I’d been crying I still couldn't help but laugh.” James laughs softly at the memory. Regulus can't help but do the same.
“Yeah, I can definitely picture her doing something like that.”
“Yeah,” James agrees softly, “You would have laughed if you’d seen it. It was rather hilarious despite the situation.”
“I would’ve never let her live it down,” Regulus agrees.
James laughs again, Regulus can feel the vibrations of it against his cheek.
The door opens then, his brother, his brother's boyfriend, and Peter coming through the door. They all stop when they notice Regulus sitting there. Regulus has half a mind to worry that James is going to move away, to let go of his hand and put some distance between the two of them now that his brother’s come back but the only thing James does is turn his gaze from Regulus to them.
James and Sirius seem to have some sort of silent conversation then-Regulus has always found them a little creepy to witness-which ends with Sirius nodding his head ever-so-slightly at James and turning his gaze to Regulus. And okay, maybe Regulus is a little bit of a hypocrite because he and Sirius also have a silent conversation; which mainly consists of Sirius asking if Regulus is fine and Regulus telling Sirius that he is.
“Do you have any Bertie Botts jelly beans?” Sirius asks as if the two conversations never happened.
“Mhm, they’re in the second jar,” James says, gesturing to his nightstand with his unoccupied hand. “Yes, you can have them,” James says when Sirius opens his mouth to say something else.
“Yes!” Sirius exclaims, pumping his fist. He practically skips over to the drawer and grabs the candy, sitting on the far end of James’ bed. “Have I told you I loved you today, Prongs, because I really do.”
James rolls his eyes, though the gesture is fond. “Yes. About ten times actually.”
“Well I’ll tell you again: I love you. I love you, too, Reg.”
“Shut up and eat your jelly beans, you idiot,” Regulus says and both Sirius and James laugh.
“Yes, you can have some chocolate as well, Moony,” James says teasingly once he notices Remus eyeing the chocolate that's still in a pile on the bed. “There’s even some white chocolate ones in there for you, Wormtail.”
Regulus makes a disgusted noise from James’ shoulder. James laughs, squeezing Regulus’ hand.
“Don’t worry, love, you can try to put them on your dark chocolate agenda as well. Maybe you’ll have more success this time,” James says.
Regulus tries very valiantly to not break out into a full fucking grin because James called him ‘love’. He only succeeds by half, which he counts as a win considering the guy that he’s in love with just called him love for the first, and hopefully not only, time. He can't wait until he can scream about this into his pillow later. But for now, he just burrows his face deeper into James’ shoulder.
“I'd rather eat a vomit jelly bean than eat dark chocolate,” Peter says before grabbing a chocolate and sitting down next to Sirius.
“That's because you have terrible taste in sweets,” Regulus states.
Remus laughs. “I don’t mind dark chocolate,” he says, sitting on the other side of Sirius.
Do they all just pile on James’ bed at any random given time? Knowing their sickening codependency-probably.
Remus and Peter proceed to get into a debate about dark chocolate, which Regulus watches but doesn't input on. No, he's perfectly content just leaning against James, holding his hand, and watching.
Regulus stays for several more hours and James never once lets go of his hand.
✯
The next day leads Regulus, alongside James, in Professor McGonagall’s office. James had insisted rather valiantly that Regulus report what Snape did to him and that, if need be, he could be used as a witness to what had happened. And so here Regulus was, recounting what happened five days ago in the hall. He tells McGonagall about what Snape did and what he, Avery, and Mulciber said after. It was a lot less nerve-wracking than he thought it would be. For all of McGonagall’s schooled, no-nonsense features she is actually a very calming presence and calming person to talk to. He can see why James recommended he go to her rather than Slytherin's head of house-Slughorn.
“I'm sorry that happened to you, Regulus. That kind of behavior is not acceptable at our school and the proper punishments will be given, I can assure you,” McGonagall says when he finishes his recounting of that day.
“What kind of ‘proper punishments’?” James asks. Regulus wants to know as well.
“Well, Mr. Snape will receive expulsion for what he did to Mr. Black. As for Mr. Mulciber and Mr. Avery, they will be brought in and given a firm talking to as well as receiving detentions for the rest of the school year,” McGonagall calmly answers.
James scoffs. “A firm talking to and detention? That's it. Did you not hear what those fucking assholes said to Reg?!”
“Language, Mr. Potter!” McGonagall scolds.
“No, screw that!” James exclaims.
“James-” Regulus starts. He doesn't want James to get this riled up on his behalf, it’ll only get him in trouble with McGonagall.
“No! I did not spend the better half of my third year being called ‘Tranny Jammie’ by them, which none of them got in trouble for, just for them to be cruel to Reg and still get off the hook! They’ll just keep doing it and if it's not us then it will just be someone else and that's not fair,” James said exasperatedly.
McGonagall’s gaze turns softer, sympathetic. Regulus’ turns hard. His kill list just keeps getting longer. Regulus wants to bash Snape’s and Avery’s and Mulciber’s heads against the wall just to see if some brain cells come out; he doubts they have any to fucking give.
“I know, James. But unless Avery and Mulciber did something directly to you or your body we don’t have the grounds to expel them. The only thing you can do is be the bigger person and notify an adult if you hear them bullying you or someone else in any way,” McGonagall says. “I’m truly sorry, that goes for the both of you.” And she genuinely looks it.
James runs a frustrated hand over his face, fingers rubbing at his eyes under his glasses. Regulus grabs onto the hand before it falls back into James’ lap and slots their fingers together, giving James’ hand a squeeze.
“Thank you, Professor,” Regulus says politely. He’s decided he likes Professor McGonagall.
“I’m here if you ever need to talk. I may not be your head of house but I do have a pair of ears and the will to listen, if the need ever arises,” McGonagall says, giving Regulus a soft smile.
Regulus nods. Maybe one day he’ll take her up on the offer.
They’re dismissed by McGonagall a few moments later. Regulus understands, she has quite a few people she needs to talk to. Regulus leads James out of the room by their connected hands. His grip doesn't relent after the door closes.
They stand in the hall in silence for a few seconds before James says, “I’m sorry we couldn't do more about Mulciber and Avery.”
Regulus gives his hand another squeeze. “It's okay. If they say anything we’ll just hex their hair off.”
James gives a small laugh. “Yeah,” James agrees, “We should do it to Snape, too, before he’s off.”
“Before he’s expelled,” Regulus says, the statement only just now settling in.
“Yes, before he’s expelled,” James says, seeming in much the same boat as Regulus right about now.
Regulus nods a little dumbly, the statement still settling in. Snape will be expelled. They won't have to see him again.
“We got him expelled, Reg,” James says, voice sounding more…elated? Relieved?
“We did.”
Next thing Regulus knows he’s being swept up into James’ warm embrace. He only falters for a second before reciprocating the hug, hands wrapping around James’ neck. James’ hands at Regulus’ waist give one soft squeeze.
“Holy fuck, I’m so…” James trails off.
“Relieved? Happy? Glad to never have to see his greasy hair and annoyingly slow voice again?” Regulus guesses. Personally, he’s all three.
“Yes. All of them.”
Regulus laughs, the sound muffled by James’ shoulder. “Me too, James.”
They spend an indeterminate amount of time just standing there holding each other. When they break away they don’t stray far. Regulus’ hands are still wrapped around James’ neck and James’ are still wrapped around Regulus’ waist. Regulus feels himself go still all over at the proximity, at James being so close. So close that Regulus could just…
One of James’ hands leaves Regulus’ waist and Regulus prepares for the moment to be over, for James to pull away. And yet James’ hand just comes up, brushing a loose curl off of the side of Regulus’ cheek and behind his hair, his hand lingering near Regulus’ jaw.
Regulus swallows hard and very valiantly resists just pushing James against the wall and kissing him. It gets harder the longer James looks at him with those soft brown eyes and unfairly long eyelashes. And yet Regulus can't seem to force himself to look away. No, he doesn't want to miss even a second of this, of James.
James exhales softly. Regulus can barely just feel it against his face. James’ hand smooths out, cupping one of Regulus’ cheeks. Regulus can’t help the way he automatically leans into the warm hand.
“Reggie, can I-Can I kiss you?” James asks, voice the soft whisper of wind against your skin.
Regulus’ breath hitches slightly, heart thump thump thumping away in his ears. All he can hear is the pulsing beat of his heart. All he can feel is the warmth of James’ hand and those soft brown eyes on him. “Yes,” he says, sounding pathetically breathless. He barely resists the urge to say ‘please’ like an idiot.
James’ lips are as soft as the rest of him and just as gentle. James kisses him slow, unrushed and Regulus is glad for it. He wants to remember this moment, to take the time to memorize the way James’ lips feel pressed against his own.
The kiss ends way too soon for Regulus’ liking, even though he can admit he was lacking some much-needed oxygen. His eyes stay shut even after their lips leave each other, mind and heart still reeling. He can hear James’ shaky inhales, they match Regulus’ own. James lets his forehead rest against Regulus’ cheek, nuzzling it with his nose.
“Thank you,” James says after a long moment.
Regulus is helpless to the laugh that stumbles out of his mouth. It's such a James thing to say after kissing someone. “My thirteen-year-old self is screaming about the fact that I finally got to kiss you,” Regulus finds himself saying. He probably wouldn't have had the courage to if his mind still wasn’t a little muddled from being kissed by James.
“And the you now?” James asks, pulling back to look at him.
“Is barely holding on by a thread to not do the same,” Regulus admits.
James kisses him. “Does this mean you like me? Because I’ve had a crush on you since I was fourteen,” James pulls away from Regulus’ lips to say.
Regulus will most definitely scream into his pillow later about that admission but for now, he just smiles and says, “Yes, I like you, you idiot. Now, shut up and kiss me.”
James does.