Chapter 4
On their way to Dinner that night, the Slytherins were intercepted by some very angry Gryffindors from their year.
"Ugh, not today, thanks," Draco muttered. Tom had to agree with the sentiment.
"Harry!" Granger called out, angrily, "I need to talk to you!"
Harry looked at Tom and Theo pleadingly. The two boys shared a look, before sighing and nodding at Harry.
"The rest of you go on to dinner," Harry said, "We'll meet you there."
Tom and Theo followed Harry over to where Granger stood with Weasley and Longbottom.
"What happened, Hermione?" Harry asked.
"What happened!" she echoed, "What happened is that you didn't stick up for Ron or I in Defence! How could you, Harry!"
Harry took a deep breath, "Hermione, I am not doing this with you. This is our OWL year, I'm trying to avoid detention- not hop, skip, and jump into it by pissing off our worst Defence teacher yet. I don't like her, and I really don't like her teaching style, but I have to behave. She was the one who tried to block Sirius getting a trial! She tried to block him from getting guardianship of me! I cannot get on her bad side on the first day! She's the Minister's right hand!"
"The Slytherins are a bad influence on you," Hermione said, ignoring literally everything Harry just said, "If you were a Gryffindor, you would fight for justice with us! You cannot claim that the Ministry is corrupt and that you despise it unless you're willing to argue for change!"
Behind Granger, Weasley was going through the whole spectrum of human emotion. Thankfully, seemingly not directed at Harry or Tom would need to step in.
"What are you even on about? Who cares how different I could be? The sorting hat never even considered putting me in Gryffindor! Maybe, in some alternate universe out there, I'm a Gryffindor leading a bloody armed vigilante group against Umbridge! But that's not really me, Hermione. I'm keeping my head down unless the woman starts a fucking blood war. Talk to me when you can accept that."
Granger was speechless, but Tom still couldn't resist getting a dig in.
"Granger, please don't forget that Umbridge is not merely our Defence teacher, she is the Undersecretary to the Minister for Magic. You're far from unintelligent, do keep this in mind if you want any kind of future career in the Ministry."
As they walked away to dinner, Tom looked back over his shoulder casually.
"Ten points from Gryffindor for harassing another student."
The noise of sheer frustration from Granger was well worth it.
•••
On Friday night, the entirety of Slytherin gathered in the common room for the House meeting.
Snape looked more aggravated than he was when teaching Gryffindors, which was not a good sign.
"Everyone present? Yes? Good. First years, then. Miss Kama, please report."
"We are using Magical Defence for Beginners, Edition One by Slinkhard," Safara Kama began, clearly troubled, "There's- there's no spells on our course at all. Not even spell theory. The whole textbook is about not getting into conflict with anyone, and the chapters on Dark Creatures don't even tell us how to theoretically protect ourselves. It seems very biased against creatures, too. Professor Umbridge makes us take notes in silence. We are worried for our education."
"Thank you, Miss Kama. Second years. Mr Baddock, please report."
"It's much the same as the first years, only we're using Edition Two," Malcolm Baddock said, "I know we're definitely meant to cover the Disarming Charm in the first month, but there's no mention of it at all in the textbook. It mostly introduces simplified versions of conflict avoidance theories. There's a good few chapters on Dark Creatures, and the gist is basically to run to safety and contact the Ministry Extermination and Containment Team and tell them we're in grave danger. Again, the class is just note-taking from the textbook.
"Thank you, Mr Baddock. Third years. Miss Greengrass, please report.
"We use the Third Edition of that textbook. The textbook tells us the theory of the Boggart-banishing Spell and the Freezing Spell, but we haven't even covered that chapter yet. The book still focuses on Dark Creatures, like I know we're meant to this year, but it's really very biased. Class is just making notes, and Umbridge sent two Gryffindors to detention for questioning the Ministry's competence."
"Thank you, Miss Greengrass. Fourth years. Mr Harper, please report."
"We're using Edition One of Defensive Magical Theory by Slinkhard. It's a load of rubbish, sir, honestly," Adam Harper said, "It focuses on conflict avoidance theory, with some spell theory and anti-Creature propaganda. It's sickening to read. We're meant to learn about the Unforgivables this year, and there's no mention at all."
"Thank you, Mr Harper. Fifth years. Mr Riddle, please report."
"We're using Edition Two," Tom began, "It is the mostly dryly written and useless book I have ever wasted money on. There are three chapters out of thirty dedicated to counter-spells, two dedicated to the theory of spells that mildly incapacitate your opponent from firing more spells at you, and one dedicated to anti-Creature propaganda. The rest of the chapters are all on conflict avoidance theories and their practical uses. There are two long chapters dedicated to running away. Two. None of the spells that come up in our OWL are even mentioned in the textbook, so we are not going to pass our Defence OWL at this rate. All we do in that class is take notes. Umbridge sent Weasley to detention for reading too slow not even an hour into class. We cannot learn like this."
Tom was breathing heavily and almost shaking by the time he finished his rant. Professor Snape looked rather concerned.
"...Thank you, Mr Riddle. Sixth years. Mr Montague, please report."
"It's basically the same as the fifth years, except for the fact that we use Edition Three of the textbook. Presumably, the difference is more expanded theories and different counter-spells. None of us can learn from it," Graham Montague explained.
"Thank you, Mr Montague. Finally, seventh years. Mr Warrington, please report."
"Absolutely dreadful. Edition Four is drier than a sand dune. It has sixty chapters, and makes little sense. I've looked at the fifth and sixth year textbooks for comparison, and really the only differences between all of them is the fact that each edition expands on theory compared to the previous one. It doesn't even mention the Unforgivables by name, just says that casting them is a life sentence in Azkaban. The section on Dementors in the Creatures section essentially just says that we don't need to worry about them because they're under Ministry control. The spell theory is basically just a revision on every spell we've learnt from first year to now, because they cannot fathom we would need anything more in life. Umbridge implied that Spinnet from Gryffindor sitting in a row with boys from her House would distract them from their work, blaming her for it entirely. She gave three Gryffindors detention because they expressed concern over being prepared enough for exams to get into Auror training."
Snape's eye had began to twitch somewhere around third year, and by the time Warrington had finished speaking there was a vein in his temple throbbing.
"Alright. Thank you, Mr Warrington. I do not expect anything good to come out of Defence this year, so here is what we shall do as a House. Throughout the week, each evening will be dedicated to Defence for a different year group. I will be unsealing the Slytherin training rooms for use throughout the entire year, starting next weekend. Fifth years, you will be using Saturday evening. Seventh years will be Friday evening. As exam students, you get the weekends so you can stay up as late as necessary. The other year groups, check the notice board tomorrow- I will be reviewing your timetables and seeing which day works best for each year. I will be helping and supervising the younger years, but I highly recommend that older students help teach the younger years. Help each other out, fourth and sixth years particularly. Fifth and seventh years, help as much as your own workload allows you to. I will not have any of your future prospects tarnished by subpar in-class teaching. You are not to tell anyone from other Houses, regardless of friendship or family ties. Am I understood?"
"Yes, Professor Snape," the House chorused, before bursting into a variety of expressions of gratitude.
Tom was pleased, immensely so. They weren't doomed at all.
•••
The first week had passed by rather smoothly, Umbridge considered. They hadn't had any more Gryffindor confrontations, and Granger hadn't so much as looked in Harry's direction. Most of Slytherin house had mastered switching and obscuring charms in order to read other books in Defence. Tom had brought a book on methods of magical torture that had been banned for over a hundred years to their second class, just to see if he would get away with it (he did).
It was the second week that things got interesting.
Their Slytherin group neared the Great Hall in as good a mood as they all could be on a Monday morning, only to be met by a substantial crowd in the Entrance Hall. Tom and Pansy cleared the way for them all, with sharp elbows and even sharper glares, until they could see what the fuss was.
A framed piece of official-looking parchment, stamped with the official Ministry seal, hung on the wall beside the doors.
EDUCATIONAL DECREE NUMBER TWENTY-THREE:
Dolores Jane Umbridge has been appointed to the post of Hogwarts High Inquisitor
"High Inquisitor? What does that mean?" Draco wondered aloud.
"Absolutely nothing good," Tom murmured, turning away walking into the Great Hall. He was on a mission for answers, and the morning edition of The Daily Prophet may just have them.
As they all began to eat, Tom stared up at the ceiling, slice of toast in one hand and cup of coffee in the other, as if he could simply will the owls to deliver the morning post immediately. Perhaps he could, seeing as they arrived moments later.
Abraxas scooped his copy of the Prophet off the table and began to scan the first page. He let out a soft 'aha!' as he found what he was looking for, and began to read aloud.
"Weasley's brother describes Umbridge as 'an immediate success, totally revolutionising the teaching of Defence Against the Dark Arts, and providing the Minister with on the ground feedback'- sweet Salazar, she's basically a spy. Let's see, where is it... here! 'The Inquisitor will have the power to inspect her fellow educators and make sure that they are coming up to scratch'."
"She's well going to fire Trelawney," Harry grinned, "The woman's an absolute sham."
"Her whole classroom smells like sherry and cannabis," Pansy sniffed, "I only took her class because she's descended from Cassandra Trelawney, who was actually a Seer."
"To be fair," Felix began, "She could actually be a prophecy Seer. Just not a very good one. Prophecy Seers usually have little talent in any other aspect of Divination, they're basically just vessels chosen by Lady Magic to relay information she wants us to know every once in a blue moon."
"That's not the kind you are, is it?" Gabriel asked, genuinely curious.
Felix scoffed, "Fuck no. I have visions, I suppose. I see a lot of glimpses of the future. The best courses of action, the things that are inevitable. Stuff like that. My variety of Seer is rare, we are given the gift by Lady Magic when she knows we will be valuable allies to people who can change our world."
"Hear that, Tom?" Harry said, "Lady Magic likes you!"
Tom rolled his eyes, "Back to the issue at hand, I highly doubt Umbridge is going to find any of our teachers up to her standards- other than maybe Babbling and Vector. Snape and McGonagall do not appreciate interference, they'll surely not leave a glowing impression."
"May I please have your attention for a moment, dear students," came Umbridge's sickly-sweet voice from the front of the Great Hall, "As I am sure you are all aware by now, I have been graciously granted the position of Hogwarts High Inquisitor by our very own Minister! It is an honour, one I am very excited to be bestowed. Starting tomorrow, I shall be inspecting the other professors during class time to make sure you are all getting a Ministry-approved standard of education across all subjects!"
"Well, that will be fun," Harry muttered, "What classes do we have tomorrow?"
"Double Charms, double Transfiguration, Care of Magical Creatures, double Herbology," Tom replied, "And then we have Ancient Runes after dinner."
"Pansy, Tracey and I have Divination when you're all in Runes," Felix said, "I don't need to have a vision to know how badly that will go. Trelawney's going to be shitfaced."