gold rush

Lily felt like she had just gotten the wind knocked out of her. She should have known better than to open the letter at breakfast, but she didn’t want to wait. Besides, she could see the way Mary and Marlene were just waiting to ask her about it. Lily didn’t get mail often anymore. Her first couple of years at school, she was always in communication with her parents, her dad especially. After he died, it all came to a stop though. 

“Who’s it from?” Mary asked, stealing all of the grapes off of Lily’s plate. 

Lily looked up, feeling like everything was moving a bit slowly. Or maybe she just was. 

“Nobody,” she said, shaking her head a little bit. 

“Lils?” Marlene said, suddenly attuned to the way Lily’s demeanor changed. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. It’s great,” she said, standing up, the letter clenched in her fist a little bit. “I just- I have to do something,” she said, coming up with the most generic lie possible. 

Neither Mary or Marlene looked like they believed her, but they knew better than to push. Lily has always struggled with opening up to people, but she has gotten slightly better at it over the years. She knows eventually she’ll tell them, but Lily prefers to deal with things on her own first. 

Lily didn’t realize where she was going until she ended up in front of the head girl dorm. Better place than most, and at least here she could have privacy. She made sure to shut and lock the door after making sure that nobody had followed her. It was a Saturday, so she didn’t technically have any obligations. Although there was a huge party tonight. Halloween was a couple of days ago, and tomorrow is Sirius’ birthday, so James, Peter, and Remus have invited the entire castle to Gryffindor tower to celebrate. Lily could have pretended to try and stop it, but it was Sirius’ birthday, not even the force of God could have stopped them from throwing him a party.

She didn’t get comfortable, instead just perching on the edge of the desk chair. The letter was still clutched in her hands, and every time she tried to unfurl it to read it again, she couldn’t. 

I’m getting married.

Married? Her sister was getting married?

Lily knew that Petunia had been dating that awful boy, Vernon. But she had always hoped that her sister would find someone better suited for her, someone who wasn’t so awful to be around. They started dating when Petunia was sixteen, and Lily had marked that as the point that Petunia started being actually mean to Lily. Before she was just cold and silent, barely looking in her direction. In the past couple of years though, Petunia’s been mean. She talks down on Lily and always has some nasty remarks. It makes Lily miss when they were younger, when Petunia was only the regular amount of mean. The kind where they would argue and then get over it ten minutes later so that they could go get ice cream.

She misses that Petunia. The one who was actually her older sister.

But now she’s getting married. November 16th.

That’s so soon. She hadn’t even known that Petunia was engaged. Their mom had long stopped telling Lily any new information regarding Petunia, so she had zero idea what was going on in her life.

You can come if you want.

If she wants? 

Does she? Lily doesn’t think that it will solve anything, in fact it might make things worse.

When they were kids they used to talk about how they would be each other’s maids of honor when they got married. Lily isn’t sure she ever wants to get married if Petunia’s not by her side. After all these years she still imagined that she would be there with her.

Lily doesn’t even notice she’s crying until she hears a knock at the door. 

She doesn’t move, she doesn’t make a sound, thinking that maybe whoever it is will go away.

They knock again.

“C’mon, Evans, we know you’re in there,” she hears James say.

She feels her stomach drop.

“We?” There’s no point in pretending she’s not here, they seem to already know she’s here, somehow.

“Yeah, me and Remus and Sirius. Let us in.”

Lily frowned, wiping under her eyes a little. All four of them? She got up, crossing the distance to unlock the door and open it. Sure enough, all four of them were here.

“Umm, hi,” she said, leaning against the door. They were all taller than her, a fact she used to absolutely hate. The three of them looked between each other for a moment, and Lily was just left standing there awkwardly. “Whatcha doing here?”

“Would you like to go out with me?” James said, seeming to blurt it out. Lily raised an eyebrow, and James’ cheeks seemed to get a bit red. “With us, I mean. All of us,” he said quickly, gesturing to Sirius and Remus.

Lily blinked slowly, willing her brain to catch up. “What?” she said, directing the question to Remus.

“Peter invited Benjy to this bookstore as some sort of unofficial date, but he doesn’t want to go alone.”

“He’s bringing you guys on his date?” Lily asked.

“Well, it’s not a date,” Sirius said. “Just a friend thing, or so he says. We’re gonna ditch them in some dark corner to make out or something.”

“So what does this have to do with me?”

It wasn’t like they didn’t see Lily flee the Great Hall very quickly, not even half an hour ago, so she didn’t quite understand why they were here.

“You like books!” James said, overly enthusiastic about that fact. 

“You’re acting weird,” Lily pointed out.

James’ face was stuck in a sort of frozen smile. “Yeah,” he said a bit dejectedly, like he was already aware. “I am.”

“You have to come,” Sirius said. “To even out the numbers.”

“Your brother likes books,” Lily pointed out. “He could even out the numbers.”

“Regulus? I don’t want to bring him,” Sirius said, waving that idea off completely.

“How do you even plan on getting out of here?” she asked. It wasn’t a Hogsmeade weekend, they were not technically supposed to leave the castle.

“We have our ways.”

“So you’re coming?” James said. He was bouncing on the balls of his feet a little bit, something that he did a lot. Lily noticed he was never really able to just be still, always moving in some way.

“She is,” Sirius said, answering for her. “It can be like a triple date! Benjy and Pete, you and Prongs!”

Lily raised an eyebrow, feeling slightly amused. “Oh?” she asked. “And who’s your date, then?” Even James was grinning at them, clearly having the same thought process as Lily was.

Sirius blushed, very obviously avoiding looking at Remus. “Oh. Right. Well, just like, hypothetical date. Or, no. Not hypothetical. What’s the word? You know, like…”

“Like?” Lily asked, teasing him.

Remus cleared his throat. “Are we ready to go?”

Lily remembered what she was doing in this room in the first place, and it was like she could feel the letter looking at her. It was so short, so simple.

I’m getting married. You can come, if you want.

Petunia hadn’t even signed it, and yet Lily knew it was her. She knew her handwriting. 

“Evans?” James said, dragging her attention back. “You just seem like you could use a break.”

“I’m fine,” she said probably a bit too quickly. Especially considering the fact that she had opened the door with tear stained eyes.

“I didn’t say you weren’t,” James said. “Just thought you might like to go to a bookshop, is all.”

“She’s coming,” Remus said, apparently also deciding for her. He was giving her a look, the kind that meant that Remus would freak out if he had to spend too long alone with Sirius. It was a look she knew very well at this point.

“Yeah, okay,” she said slowly. She grabbed her jacket from where she had tossed it on the ground before taking a step out of the room. She glanced behind her once to see that the letter was still on the desk, as she left it. She could decide later. “I’ll come.”

James smiled, a smaller one that seemed to just be for her. “Yeah?”

She shut the door behind her, nodding a little. “Lead the way,” she said, shrugging on the 

jacket.

Lily only started to regret this when they had to keep stopping to peer around the corners, making sure nobody was there. Sirius pulled out a paper of some sort, and James had very rapidly covered Lily’s eyes with his hand, not letting her see.

“Pads!” he said.

“Oh, shit.”

Lily rolled her eyes, pushing James’ arm away. “What was that?”

“What was what?” Sirius asked, as if playing coy was going to erase Lily’s memory. 

“That paper. What was on it?”

James smiled at her, shaking his head a little. “Sorry, Evans. Top secret information.”

They met up with Benjy and Peter somewhere in the dungeons. They had taken so many turns that Lily was officially lost. None of the guys seemed worried, in fact they seemed to know exactly where they were going.

“Oh, you got Evans?” Peter said, directing the question to James. 

Lily snorted. “Nice to see you too, Pete.”

Peter held his hands up in defense. “Hey, I’m glad you’re here. James is at least five times less annoying whenever you’re around.”

Lily smiled, looking up at him. “Is he really?”

James didn’t meet her gaze. “So, we should get going, yeah?”

“Get going where?” Benjy said, voicing Lily’s exact thoughts. “We’re in the middle of the dungeons.”

“Wormy, do the honors?” Sirius said to Peter.

Lily watched quietly as Peter stepped a couple of feet forward, reaching out to the eagle statue that was placed at the end of the long hallway. He stroked its beak four times, and for a moment nothing happened.

“Is this a prank?” Lily asked.

James shook his head, smiling a little. “Watch,” he said, pointing to where Peter was standing to bring her attention back there.

As if on cue, Lily could hear the sound of the cement walls moving apart, revealing a very large entryway that seemed to lead to another long hallway.

“Holy shit,” Benjy said, stepping forward, closer to Peter even. 

James nudged Lily a little. “Impressed?”

Lily tore her eyes away, looking at James. “It’s not like you built it,” she said.

James rolled his eyes. “Yeah, alright. C’mon, Evans,” he said, gesturing for her to follow them all inside. Peter and Benjy had gone in first, and then Sirius and Remus.

James lingered at the entrance, waiting for Lily.

“Is it going to collapse?”

James shrugged. “I doubt it.”

“That’s not comforting.”

“It’s safe. We do this all the time.”

Lily didn’t need to think about it much more, if she’s honest. So, she followed James inside.

There were no lights, but Peter and Benjy had both cast lumos, and since they were leading there was more than enough light for the rest of them.

“How far does this go?”

“Dunno,” James said. He kept running his hand along the walls as they walked, dragging it up and down.

“You don’t know?”

“Well, we tried to walk it all once, but it just goes on forever.”

“You never found the end?”

“Nope, and we walked for hours. Right, Pads?”

Sirius gave them a little thumbs up, not bothering to turn around. “It’s true. Pete got blisters from how much walking we did.”

“I wanna know what’s at the end,” Lily said, mostly talking to herself.

“We can walk it one day,” James said.

“We might never find the end.”

“I’m confident.”

“Mm, you always are.”

The walk wasn’t that far, and it wasn’t until James stopped everyone that Lily realized why he was running his hand along the wall for almost the entire time. He pressed in on one of the stones with the help of Peter’s light, and another archway opened up.

“This place is fucking ridiculous,” Lily said.

“It’s cool,” James corrected.

They ended up in some dark alleyway at one end of Hogsmeade. James went up first, the step up being a couple of feet tall.

“Here,” he said, holding his hand out for Lily to help her up. Normally, she would not have accepted it, but she was a lot shorter and a lot less athletically inclined. James just pulled her up, practically lifting her dead weight out of the hole they were in.

He helped stabilize her, putting his hands on her shoulders. “You good?” he checked.

Lily didn’t trust her voice at that moment, still shocked at how strong James was. So she just nodded instead, standing off to the side while everyone else got up. She had never felt so disoriented in Hogsmeade, plus the sun felt so bright after the dark hallway they had walked down.

“I think I just went blind,” Benjy said, squeezing his eyes shut.

“You get used to it,” Remus mumbled, although he was squinting too.

Sirius and James seemed to be the only ones ready to go right away, and they all slowly followed suit.

Every time Lily has come to Hogsmeade has been during a school trip. Which means that it has always been busy and filled with students. Today, it’s still a little bit busy, but not nearly as bad without the hundreds of other students. 

Fall has officially taken over, and there are leaves all over the ground, barely any left in the trees at this point.

Peter gasped all of the sudden, stopping in his tracks. “It’s November,” he said, eyes bright.

“Aww, good on you Pete, you know the date,” Sirius said.

“Discount Halloween costumes, dumbass,” Peter said, nudging Sirius.

“No,” Remus said immediately. “No costumes.”

James tutted, shaking his head a little bit. “When did you lose your childlike whimsy, Moony?”

“I never had any.”

Sirius looped his arm through Remus’. “We’re getting costumes,” he said, dragging him in the direction of the shop.

The shop was practically empty, which made sense because Halloween was days ago. Everyone either already had their costumes or already celebrated. 

“What are you guys for Halloween?” James asked, flipping through the hangers but not really looking. It was more of something for him to do with his hands.

“Angel, fallen angel, and devil,” she told him. “Mary chose.”

James smiled. “Sounds like Mary’s choice. Who’s who?”

Lily rolled her eyes, leaning against the wall and watching as James kept mindless looking through the racks of costumes. He wasn’t even paying attention to them, his eyes on her.

“I’m the angel,” she mumbled.

“Aww-”

“Shut up. I said it should have been Mary, but she wanted to wear the all black outfit.”

“And Marlene?”

“Red devil,” Lily said. “They’re both wearing all leather, it’s ridiculous.”

“Yours isn’t?”

She shook her head. “Mine’s a dress, so no. Mary’s is like this tiny skirt and tank top, and Marlene’s is a suit sort of thing. I don’t know. I fucking hate wearing leather though, so it worked out.”

James hummed. “Can’t wait to see it.”

“What are you?”

“Oh, that’s a secret.”

Lily smiled instinctually. “You and your secrets.”

He laughed. “Okay, fine. It’s a surprise.”

“Did you guys do a group thing again this year?”

“Nope.”

“Really?”

“Really. Although I think Sirius is close to badgering Remus into a couples costume.”

Lily looked in their direction, and Sirius was pulling out a bunch of different costumes, showing all of them to Remus who looked very uninterested in all of them. 

“They won’t call it that though,” Lily said with a small sigh.

James smiled as he looked at his friends. “No, they won’t.”

“At least one couple seems to be making progress,” Lily said, gesturing to where Peter and Benjy were indeed already off in a corner, talking between themselves quietly. 

“Yeah. Benjy seems smitten, don’t you think?”

“Smitten?” Lily repeated, amusement in her voice at his word choice. 

“Yeah. You don’t think so?”

“No, he definitely is,” Lily agreed.

James sighed happily, giving up on pretending to be looking at costumes. “Love is just in the air this year, I guess. I mean, Dorcas and Marls? God, I thought that was never going to happen.”

Lily nodded, laughing. “Yeah, you’re telling me.” She had had to listen to Marlene talk about Dorcas for hours on end, and she was happy to listen most of the time, but there came a point where Marlene was just repeating the same things over and over again. Now that they were together, there was a lot more variety. 

“What about you?” James said after a moment, his voice feigning casualness.

“Hmm?”

“Is love in the air for you?”

“Oh,” Lily said, feeling her heart drop just a little bit. She loved seeing all of her friends falling in love and dating each other, but it was also lonely. She tried not to dwell on it too much, but the feeling always crept up on her late at night; when she had nothing else to think about.

“I just mean… well there was that guy at the last party,” James said after Lily took too long to respond. 

“What guy?” Lily asked, trying to remember what he was talking about.

“The Ravenclaw. The blonde.”

“Oh, him,” Lily said with a small smile, that entire conversation resurfacing in her mind. “No, not interested.”

“Because he’s blonde?”

“No. Because I don’t know him.”

“But if you did know him?”

Lily shrugged. “But I don’t.”

“You could though.”

“I have no interest,” Lily said.

James nodded, leaning forward and backward a little bit. “Right, sorry. I didn’t mean to pry or anything.”

Lily sighed. “No, I’m sorry. You didn’t. You’re fine.”

James smiled. “Well, he’s not good enough for you anyway.”

“He’s not?”

James shook his head. “Nope, not at all. He’s boring.”

“How do you know?”

“I asked around.”

“And people told you he was boring?” Lily asked, not believing that for a second.

“Well, no, not explicitly. But they said he likes potions and he’s nice and bla bla bla,” James said, waving all of this off.

“I’m both of those things,” Lily pointed out. “Am I boring?”

“Obviously not. It’s different.”

“How is it different?”

James frowned. “Because, if someone asked me to describe Lily Evans, the first things I would say would not have anything to do with your schoolwork or how nice you are,” he said as if this was obvious information.

“Most people would.”

“That’s not true.”

“It is.”

“Okay, well I’m talking like your closest friends, not some random fourth year.”

“You talked to his closest friends?”

“You suddenly seem very interested in this Ravenclaw,” James said. “Do you like him?”

“We just established that I do not.”

Whatever James was about to say was cut off by Sirius coming over to them, a triumphant smile on his face.

“Moony’s got a costume,” he announced proudly.

Remus came to stand by his side, a plastic bag in his hand and a slight frown on his face. His eyes told a different story though, he was also amused by Sirius’ antics.

“This is hell. I was promised books.”

“You’ll get your books,” Sirius said, trying to grab Remus' bag. “Show ‘em what you got!”

Remus let Sirius take the costume out of his bag, and Lily was honestly very surprised when Sirius put a cowboy hat on Remus’ hand. She couldn’t hold back her laugh, a hand coming up to her mouth to try to stop it.

“Fuck off,” Remus said, even as Sirius adjusted his hat with a grin.

“Look at him!”

“So, a cowboy?” James said with a little smile.

“Sirius picked.”

“I’ll bet he did,” Lily said, giving Remus a teasing look when Sirius wasn’t looking. He flipped her off, which only made her laugh harder.

“Where’s Pete?” Sirius said, looking around the shop.

James pointed in the direction of the far corner of the shop. “I don’t think he would even notice if we left.”

“I’ll go get him,” Remus said, taking the cowboy hat off as he went.

When Peter and Benjy came back they were both blushing and had little shy smiles. Lily wanted to tease Peter, but she would at least wait until Benjy wasn’t in hearing range.

Hogsmeade had three bookstores. One of them was almost entirely school books and other academic writings. Lily secretly loved it there, and she used to spend hours flipping through the course books for classes she wasn’t even taking. The second bookstore was small, and it only had books written by wizards and witches, so it wasn’t Lily’s favorite. She had always preferred muggle books, and she imagines she always will. There’s something so much more comforting about the way muggles view magic.

And that’s why they go to the third bookstore, the largest in Hogsmeade. They have all kinds of books, and it is three stories tall. It’s got lots of windows, and has stacks and stacks of books in every corner. It’s incredibly disorganized, but that’s part of why Lily loves it.

Without a word, Lily heads toward her favorite section. In the far corner of the bookstore they have a small collection of art books. They’re these huge collections of muggle artwork with explanations on the techniques. Lily has never bought one because they’re about fifty galleons each, but she loves to flip through them.

“You’re interested in art?”

Lily turned on her heel, wishing she was more surprised to see that James had followed her. 

“Everyone’s interested in art,” Lily said.

“Can I see?” James said, asking for the book that Lily had flipped open to a random page. She handed it to him carefully, not wanting to drop it. James flipped through it casually, lingering on different artworks for only a couple of seconds. “This is cool.”

“Yeah,” Lily agreed.

“Do you want it?” James asked, looking up from the book. 

Lily shook her head, taking the book back from him and putting it back where she found it. “Too expensive,” she said. If she was going to buy a book today, she would at least make it a cheaper one than that.

“That’s not what I asked,” James said, taking the book back out. “I asked if you wanted it.”

“You’re not buying me that.”

James grinned. “I am.”

“James.”

“Lily.”

“It’s too much.”

“But you want it?”

“No,” Lily lied, averting her gaze.

“You’re a horrible liar, you know?”

“It’s fifty galleons, you’re not buying me that.”

“I want to.”

“No.”

“You’re stubborn,” James said with a smile on his face, like it made him happy.

Lily took the book out of his hands and put it back where she found it. She left him there without another word, going to go find Remus. He was in the fiction books section, Sirius following behind him like a dog and pretending he wasn’t bored out of his mind in a bookstore.

“Hi,” she said to Remus, sending Sirius a look that he must have interpreted easily.

“I’m gonna go find Prongs,” he said, excusing himself quickly.

“You look angry,” Remus said with an amused lilt in his voice.

“I fucking hate him.”

“You don’t.”

“He just throws money around like it’s nothing!”

“Yeah, he does that.”

“I- and he’s so hard to say no to.”

Remus put down the book he was looking at, electing to lean against the wall. “You could just not say no.”

“I just don’t get why he does it? I can buy my own books. I don’t need help.”

“He doesn’t see it like that, you know?”

“Hmm?”

“He just likes to do nice things for people, he likes caring. He buys Sirius things all of the time, and Sirius definitely has enough money to buy whatever he wants,” Remus explained. 

“Oh.”

“It’s not pity.”

“It feels like it.”

“They don’t see it that way though.”

Lily sighed, eyes finding Sirius and James messing with some of the little knick knacks. “I hate rich boys,” she mumbled.

The next twenty to thirty minutes were spent in relative silence. Lily picked up a bunch of books, putting all of them back down after. She wanted to look at all of them before she decided what she wanted to buy. Remus had grabbed one and had gone to a corner to read it. He always did that before deciding whether or not he wanted to get it. 

“Evans,” James whispered, suddenly very close to her. She could feel his breath on her ear, that’s just how close he was. She hadn’t even heard him walk over.

“We’re not in a library,” she said, still reading the back cover of a book she picked up. “You can talk at a normal volume.”

“Doesn’t feel right,” he said, still whispering. “Find anything good?”

“Lots.”

“Like what?”

“Mm, no. We’re not doing this again.”

James sighed. “Come on. Just one?”

“I have my own money.”

“I know. But I invited you, so it’s the least I could do.”

Lily put the book back, turning to face him. “I wanted to come, Potter. You don’t owe me anything.”

“Okay, okay. Fine,” he said, holding his hands up in defense. “Will you give me some recommendations?”

“Book recommendations?”

“Don’t sound so surprised. I like to read.”

Lily felt herself smile a little, and she picked up a book that she had read twenty times over, explaining the plot to James who was actually listening. She did this over and over again, showing him at least five different books, each of which he added to his pile.

“Do you paint?” James asked at what felt like a very random moment. Lily was looking for a book for herself now, one that she was actually going to buy, and James was just tagging along, his stack of books seven high and dangerously close to falling out of his arms.

“Paint?”

“Yeah. Do you?”

Lily shook her head. “I used to,” she said with a small shrug, trying to brush it off. It wasn’t something she liked to talk about much.

“You stopped?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

Lily didn’t answer him, instead she held up the book she was holding. “This is the one I’m getting,” she said to change the subject.

“Evans-”

“Do you think everyone else is ready to check out?”

“Lily.”

“What?”

“You can talk to me, you know?”

“I’m fine.”

“Yeah, but it’s okay if you’re not.”

Lily sighed. “I just… I don’t want to think about it right now. I want to have a good day.”

James nodded, a smile appearing on his face. “Then that is what you will have,” he declared.

After almost two hours in the bookstore, they all bought their separate books. Lily only bought the one, and Remus got two, but James and Sirius had a large stack between the two of them, Lily didn’t even see all of the books they got. They found Peter and Benjy talking in the mystery aisle, each with two books in their hands that Peter ended up buying. 

“Okay, me and Moony are going to get copious amounts of alcohol,” Sirius said when they all met back up outside. “Prongs? You’ll get the other stuff, yeah?”

James glanced at Lily. “Yeah, we’ll get it,” he said. 

Sirius smiled. “All right. Pete, do whatever it is you do,” he said, clapping Peter on the back and sending him the least subtle wink Lily has ever seen. Benjy noticed it and pressed his lips together to stop from smiling.

“Follow me,” James said, lightly tapping Lily’s arm. 

She didn’t really have much of a choice, not wanting to interrupt Peter’s date, and also slightly curious about what it was that they had to go and get.

“Where are we going?”

“First, to get some food. I’m starving.”

“And then?”

“You’ll see.”

They ended up going to the Hog’s Head, finding an empty table in the corner. It was pretty small, their feet almost touched as they sat across from each other. Lily was very conscious of that, of making sure she knew where she was moving them.

“Thanks for inviting me,” Lily said after a moment. She felt a bit odd just sitting there in silence.

James looked up from the menu. Lily didn’t understand why he even needed it, they’ve all been coming here for years at this point. “Thanks for coming.”

Lily shrugged. “Had to save you from being a third wheel all day.”

James laughed. “Gods, and do I appreciate it. They’re all oblivious.”

“They’re getting there,” Lily said. She had been noticing it all day, especially between Remus and Sirius. To everyone else, it looked like they were flirting. Now they just had to realize it.

“I’m feeling good about tonight.”

“Hmm?”

“I just… I can feel it, you know? Somebody is getting together.”

“I hope so.”

James hummed. “What should I get?” he asked, looking back at the menu.

“How do you not know?”

“I try to get something new every time.

“Of course you do,” Lily mumbled, a small smile on her face. She had never heard anything more like James than to get something different on the menu. He didn’t seem like the type of person who liked monotony. “Just close your eyes and pick at random.”

Lily didn’t expect to have a good time sitting at a restaurant with James. It was never that she thought he was bad company, or even that she didn’t like him. They just had never spent a lot of one on one time together, so she thought that it might be awkward. She should have known that it would be anything else when James Potter was her company. The more time alone she spends with him, the more she learns that they’re more similar than she initially thought. 

They’re both unwaveringly loyal and supportive toward their friends. They both have difficulties discussing their feelings; they both love hot chocolate; and they can’t stand to listen to Professor Binns’ voice.

She has also learned that James is actually a very good listener. For how much he loves to talk and carry conversation, he seems to take a step back whenever Lily gets started with something. Like the books, for example. He had listened to her talk about books for probably forty minutes, and he didn’t even look bored once. 

“I used to paint with my dad,” Lily told him, not sure why. She’s not sure James even knows anything about her dad. Lily hadn’t told anybody that her dad had died until one night where she just broke down. She tore apart their room, and she was a sobbing mess when Mary and Marlene found her. They had noticed something was wrong all term, but Lily kept insisting she was fine. She was scared to say it out loud, even now it was still hard. “Before he died, anyway. I haven’t picked up a paint brush since, but the books… they help me feel connected to him. He was an art teacher, so he loved all that stuff.”

“Why haven’t you painted?”

Lily shrugged, stirring her hot chocolate over and over. “I don’t know. It was fear before, I think. Now… well I’ve probably forgotten everything he taught me, and somehow that’s worse. I still like to draw, but I don’t think I’ll paint again.”

“Do you want to?”

“I don’t know.”

“It was third year, right? When your dad died?”

Lily looked up. “Yeah, the summer before. Car accident, freak thing.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, sounding so earnest that it actually threw Lily off guard. She didn’t know how to respond, so she didn’t. “I- That must’ve been so hard to go through, especially so young.”

“Yeah,” she said, getting ready to wave it off. “I didn’t mean to bring things down with dead dad talk, but you wanted to know.”

“I’m glad you told me. Don’t apologize.”

James asked her about art for the next twenty minutes. The things she had learned, or her favorite paintings. She hadn’t even realized time was passing, and she let most of her food get cold. James did too, she noticed, and for somebody who was apparently ‘starving’ he hardly ate anything.

“What are you guys doing?”

Lily looked up to see that Sirius had marched right over to their table, Remus behind him and carrying what looked like very heavy bags of alcohol. 

“Padfoot!” James said, a grin on his face.

“Are you guys on a date?” Sirius asked, wagging his eyebrows at James.

“We’re getting lunch,” James told him.

Remus set the bags down on the ground in front of their table, and Lily could hear the sound of glass clinking in them. Definitely the alcohol, then. 

“Where was our invite?” Sirius asked, pulling two chairs up to the already very small table. 

“You were busy.”

“Well, we’re not anymore,” he said, taking his seat. “What were you guys talking about?”

Lily glanced at James, not really wanting to explain what they had actually been talking about and trying to come up with something. 

“I was just rambling about quidditch,” James said easily, pretending like he was the one who had been talking nonstop for the past half an hour.  

“Figures,” Sirius mumbled. He dug some galleons out of his pocket, handing them to Remus. “Moony, some hot chocolate? Pretty please? Get some for yourself too.”

Remus had yet to sit down, which was probably the only reason why he didn’t argue and went to the counter to order.

Sirius watched him leave and then he quickly turned back to the table, leaning in. “I’m so fucked,” he said.

“What?”

“I think I want Remus,” he said. “Like carnally, desperately want him.”

Lily and James shared a quick glance, both of them thinking the same thing. 

“Well, obviously,” Lily said.

“What? It’s obvious?”

“No, no. It’s not,” James said quickly, shaking his head. “At least not to Moony.”

“What happened?” Lily asked.

Sirius blushed, averting his gaze and mumbling something under his breath.

James nudged him, a grin on his face. “What was that?”

“He has long fingers,” Sirius said, probably a bit too loudly. 

Remus was still waiting in line, hopefully nowhere near hearing range. Although part of Lily hoped he could hear, then maybe Remus would finally make a move. 

“Long fingers?” Lily repeated, genuinely trying not to laugh. 

Sirius looked over at her. “Evans, if you ever breathe a word of this-”

“I won’t,” she interrupted, although she was sure that the smile on her face wasn’t very convincing. 

“You know, now I’m glad I crashed your date.”

Lily shook her head. “Wasn’t a date.”

“Mhm, sure it wasn’t,” he said sarcastically. 

“So,” James said, clapping his hands together. “Long fingers?”

Sirius groaned, putting his head down on the table. “Have you ever seen them? I- I literally cannot stop thinking about them. Is that bad?”

“No. I think you should tell him,” Lily said. 

“I don’t want your opinions right now,” Sirius mumbled.

James flicked Sirius’ head. “Be nice.”

“I’m plenty nice. Evans knows I’m nice, right?”

Lily shrugged. “You aren’t always my least favorite person.”

Sirius smiled. “Aww, you’re not always my least favorite person either.” He looked at James. “See? We’re the best of friends.”

James shook his head. “I swear, you two are like brother and sister sometimes.”

“We are,” Sirius said, messing up Lily’s hair.

She rolled her eyes, but she didn’t disagree. They had made a pact a little while ago that they would be each other’s siblings. Sirius is her older brother, Lily is his little sister. She’s secretly glad he still sees her as such even though he’s fixed things with his actual little brother. 

Part of her wishes that she could hate Sirius for it. He got his brother back in his life, and while things aren’t perfect, they’re at least much better. But she can’t hate Sirius just because she’s jealous. Petunia isn’t Regulus, and Lily isn’t Sirius, and she needs to accept that.

Remus comes back to the table not long after that, and Sirius quickly changes the subject to his birthday party. He has apparently required that everyone wear a costume or they will not be allowed inside, which Lily finds to be at least a little bit amusing.

Sirius also steals their food, not even asking. He seems to be doing everything in his power to not look at Remus, which she definitely will laugh at him about later. Part of her wants to just tell Remus, but that wouldn’t be fair and she knows it. At least now they are both privately aware that they like the other. All that’s left is for them to admit it to each other. 

James leaves eventually to go do whatever it is that Lily is not allowed to know about. She assumes it’s some sort of prank, in fact she’s almost sure of it. On the actual day of Halloween all of the paintings were charmed to have pumpkin heads and to sing Psycho Killer over and over again until somebody put an end to it.

“So,” Sirius said, sliding into James’ seat.

“So?”

“You and Prongs were on a date?”

Lily rolled her eyes, leaning back in her chair a little. “It was not a date.”

“Looked like a date.”

“Perceptions can be deceiving.”

“Mm, what do you think Moony?” Sirius said, looking over at Remus for the first time in almost half an hour. “Date?”

Remus looked at Lily, and she was silently begging him with her eyes to not agree with Sirius. She’s not sure why, but the implication that she was on a date with James made her stomach tie up in knots a little bit.

“Yeah, I say it’s a date,” he said after a moment. 

“Ha!” Sirius pointed at her. “Told you.”

Remus stood up. “I’m going to the bathroom,” he said because he was a traitor. 

“For two people to go on a date, there would need to be some acknowledgement of it,” Lily said to Sirius. 

“Acknowledge it now.”

“No, because we weren’t on a date.”

“Why not?”

“Because we’re friends.”

“Lily-”

“Why don’t you date Remus?” Lily interrupted, sending Sirius into complete silence. Sure, maybe it was a cheap shot, and maybe she felt bad about it after she said it, but he just didn’t get it. James was her friend, and he would only ever see her as such. And that would be fine if everyone stopped pretending like James would ever like her.

“Remus is too good for me.”

Lily deflated a little bit. “Don’t say that.”

“What? It’s true.”

“That’s not true.”

“I’m all messed up, you know?”

“You’re not.”

“And Remus is all things good. I’d ruin it. I’d ruin him.”

Lily shook her head. “That’s so far from true. You guys are practically made for each other.”

Sirius shrugged. “I don’t know. Wouldn’t be fair of me to put him through that either.”

Lily wanted to say more, she wanted to say a lot more, but Remus came back to the table, and the conversation shifted.