Growing Pains
You can hold the stars until they burn right through your hands,
You can outrun the whole week but Sunday catches up again
Early February, 1977
“Are you nervous?”
“Hm?” Regulus hums, keeping his eyes closed. James is carding his hands through his hair and they’re curled up on the sofa in the Room of Requirement. It’s a rare moment of sincere peace for Regulus. He’s having a hard time not falling asleep where he is, with how warm James is and the smooth crackle of the fire across from them.
“The moon,” James murmurs. “It’s almost time to place the Mandrake leaf, isn’t it? Where are you going to put it?”
Regulus’ eyelids flutter open. He meets James’ eyes. “Where did you put it?”
A smile tugs at James’ mouth. “Nuh-uh. No cheating on this one. Where are you going to put it?”
“The forest,” Regulus says, holding James’ gaze. Before James can protest, he speaks again. “I’ll be careful.”
“Reg,” James mutters. His brow furrows in concern and Regulus refrains from smoothing out the small wrinkle in between. “It’ll be dangerous. Moony—Remus—he’s not the same when he’s the wolf. If anything were to happen…”
“It won’t,” Regulus assures him. “If there’s anything I know how to be, it’s careful. I’ll be fine, I promise.”
When James still doesn’t seem convinced, Regulus leans forward, placing a gentle kiss on his lips. It’s all they can really manage these days, considering Regulus has a bloody leaf under his tongue. James relaxes into the kiss, letting his forehead knock against Regulus’. He opens his eyes and stares into Regulus’ with a look so intense that it makes Regulus’ skin feel hot.
“You’ll be fine,” James whispers, searching Regulus’ face. It’s more of a plea than a statement, Regulus realizes.
“I’ll be fine,” Regulus nods, speaking quietly. “Don’t worry, James.”
“It’s hard not to worry about you,” James admits. “Will you take the cloak?”
Regulus hesitates. It’s not a terrible idea, really. Even if he doesn’t feel the need to worry about Lupin, he still has to get through the castle unnoticed, as well as the rest of the forest. Werewolves aren’t the only things that lurk in there.
“How will you get into the shack?”
“We’ll manage,” James dismisses. “Take it. Please?”
“Yeah,” Regulus says, slowly. “Yeah, okay. I’ll take it.”
James lets out a deep sigh that is a clear signal of relief before pressing a kiss on top of Regulus’ head.
“So,” Regulus murmurs. “Where did you put yours?”
“The forest,” James laughs. “Can’t lie, it’s the best place we could think of. I was just hoping you were more clever than us.”
“I am more clever than all of you,” Regulus corrects. “Although considering you have to gather dew from a place neither humans nor sunlight have touched and then leave it somewhere dark and quiet, I don’t think there are many other options. Not at Hogwarts at least.”
“Yeah, that’s what we figured as well,” James nods, grinning. He looks at Regulus with the kind of look of reverence that he never feels deserving of. Shaking his head, he continues. “I can’t believe you’re doing this on your own. It took the three of us, well four once Moony accepted what we were doing, to get it all worked out.”
“You’ve helped a bit,” Regulus points out. It’s true. James has offered advice and recalled some details of his own journey to becoming an Animagus. It’s helped, hearing it firsthand. There’s only so much documented in the books he’s been able to find.
“You’re too modest,” James responds. He shuffles on the couch, propping his head up on his hand. “You’re brilliant. You’re an angel. You’re going to get it first try, I know it. You have the moth, yeah?”
Regulus nods, his heart stuttering in his chest at the pet name. “It’s in my trunk.”
“Perfect. You’re nearly there. The best part is that it’s February. You won’t have to wait long for an electrical storm here in Scotland. I’d say you’ll be an Animagus in the next two weeks.”
Regulus swallows, attempting to hide his nervousness. It’s not that he doesn’t want to be an Animagus. He does quite a bit, actually. He’s quite curious to see what he ends up being. It’s just that it’s another step closer to things getting more real. Which is quite the thought really, seeing as things already feel quite real. Too real. In two weeks time, he’ll have completed the Slytherin raid. It’s to take place on February 13th, the Sunday before Valentine’s Day. Only one day before Slughorn’s party.
He hasn’t mentioned it to James yet. He doesn’t know how. It shouldn’t be particularly difficult to explain. It’s a raid. It’s part of his task. It’s to be expected. They both know things like this are to come.
It’s just that, well, admitting that things have progressed this much will break the reverie they still manage in moments like these. How will James still manage to look at him like he does, with awe and love, knowing what Regulus has done, even if it’s forced? How will he bring himself to touch Regulus with such care, knowing that Regulus has, or will, treat others with such blatant violence?
There’s also the fact that it means mentioning that he’s been in contact with his mother. It means that Regulus will have to tell James that he’s definitely going home for Easter—much earlier than they had hoped. Who knows what will happen to him, or what he’ll be forced to do to others, in that small stretch of time?
Regulus is so utterly desperate to maintain what he has with James now that he keeps hiding things. Taking them and locking them away, deep inside of him where they can’t be found. He feels a bit guilty using his Occlumency when interacting with James, but he has to now, to manage it all. He’s getting better at it. It’s especially difficult to tell when he’s practicing.
“Something on your mind, love?” James asks, pushing Regulus’ hair off his forehead.
Regulus looks back to James, startled at the way he just slipped away. “Nothing. Just tired.”
James nods, stretching out beside him. “Me too. Can you sleep here tonight?”
“Yeah,” Regulus murmurs. “Barty and Evan are covering for me.”
“Thank Merlin for them then,” James whispers, pulling Regulus into him. “Sleep?”
“Sleep,” Regulus nods, squeezing his eyelids tightly shut.
“Love you,” James mumbles, sleepily, cuddling into his side.
Regulus keeps his eyes shut so hard that he sees stars. “I love you.”
The room darkens around them and Regulus hears words spoken to him by a friend not too long ago echo around him.
“There’s no one quite as lonely as someone keeping secrets.”
It’s hard to ignore the way loneliness seems to seep into Regulus’ bones these days, even with the body of the boy he loves pressed against him. It begs the question: who does Regulus think he is, carrying on in the shadows like this? How does he manage this softer side of himself when war falls around him in waves, his every move contributing to it?
—
“He’s planning on doing what?”
When Remus whips around to face James, who’s sitting on his bed, he already has a grimace on his face. Well, at least he realizes how Remus’ll take something like this.
“He’s going to be in the forest on Friday, during the moon,” James explains. “I know what you’re thinking—I said the same thing to him, but there’s not really any other option. He needs to place the leaf. It’s the best place and you know it. We all did it too. Nothing happened.”
“I was still in the shack then, nothing could have happened,” Remus hisses. He sighs and straightens up, rubbing a hand over his face. He looks back to James. “If I’m being honest, it’s not really me I’m worried about. The two of you would be able to distract me if we got near Regulus. It’s—”
“The other wolf,” James nods, finishing Remus’ thought. “I know. I thought about that as well. I didn’t mention it to him when we spoke, but…”
Remus is quiet a moment, thinking. “Maybe you should. Actually, why don’t I explain it to him? Can you get him to talk to me before the moon?”
“I think so,” James says slowly, running a hand through his hair. “You can meet us in the Come-and-Go Room. I’d bring Sirius if I were you. I think he’s rather anxious to see Regulus these days.”
Remus nods. Sirius is. He won’t say it in so many words, but he can see it on him. The way his gaze lingers on Regulus in the Great Hall. Or the way his expression drops when he hears people whispering about his little brother in the hallways. Remus does his best to comfort him, but he knows he doesn’t always get it right. He’s an only child. He doesn’t really get it. The Marauders are like his brothers, but it’s not the same. Or maybe it is. He’s never been in the situation Regulus and Sirius are in to know.
“How is Regulus these days?” Remus asks, quietly.
James hesitates. “He’s—doing as well as can be expected, I suppose. I don’t think he tells me everything. I wish he would, but Regulus isn’t one to be pushed, especially not with things like that. He’ll tell me when he’s ready, I think.”
“Sirius is the same way,” Remus admits. He cracks a weak smile at James. “More alike than they realize, those two.”
“I never really saw it before,” James laughs. “Not until I started this with Regulus. They always felt so completely different to me. Now it’s impossible to not notice it. The way they’re a part of each other.”
“Yeah,” Remus sighs, moving to sit beside James. He nudges his knee with his own and gives him another sheepish smile. “I know we’ve probably said it before, but who would’ve thought? Me and Sirius, you and Regulus. It’s a bit mad, isn’t it?”
James grins. “Well, honestly, Remus, looking back I think you and Sirius were bound to end up together since the moment you laid eyes on each other on the train. Me and Regulus—it feels so unexpected, but part of it feels like fate, too. Do you know what I mean?”
Remus looks at James. Really looks at him. Takes in the wild hair and his round glasses. The lopsided grin. Thinks of his loud laugh. Remus’ best friend. The epitome of happy-go-lucky. He thinks briefly of Regulus—who feels so opposite. Neatness and sharp eyes. Quiet snark and surprising kindness and sincerity. Watchful, careful, rigid. Yin and yang, the two of them. Remus nods. “Yeah. Yeah, I know what you mean, James.”
“You always know, Moony,” James throws an arm around Remus’ shoulder, pulling him into his side. For once, Remus doesn’t try to squirm away or pretend he doesn’t like it. He lets it happen and he relishes in it. Everything feels fleeting these days. He’s not willing to miss out on it while it’s still here.
—
“You got an invitation too then?”
Evan glances up from where he’s doing his homework on his bed to answer Regulus. “Yeah. My father sent it to me a few days ago.”
Regulus nods. It was to be expected, based on what his mother said to him, but it doesn’t mean he likes it. He hates it, actually. He doesn’t want Evan, or any of his friends, anywhere near the war. He knows Evan doesn’t want it either.
“I haven’t,” Barty grumbles. “My stupid father’s reputation is holding me back from the rest of you. I need one of you to get me an in.” He looks at Regulus. “Can you ask Walburga to get me an invitation as well?”
“You should be grateful you aren’t expected to participate in these things,” Dorcas snips. “Honestly, Barty, I can’t believe you want to go on the raid.”
“Whatever they do, I do,” Barty motions to Regulus and Evan. “I need to be a part of it all sooner than later. They’re recruiting out of Hogwarts.”
“She’s right,” Evan says, shooting Barty a look. “It’s going to be dangerous, not to mention illegal. Can you imagine if your father found out? I mean, a raid is one thing, but we all know what this leads to.”
“It’s a direct path to becoming Death Eaters,” Pandora murmurs, her brows furrowed. “Barty, you need to really think about this before you go asking to get involved. Soon, it won’t just be jokes about blood purity and a raid here and there. It’ll be violence and destruction. Things none of you should experience, or be forced to do.”
“They’re going to have to do it no matter what I decide,” Barty argues, his voice rising. “Do you actually think I’ll leave them behind in the face of that? Screw my safety, or sanity, or whatever. This is bigger than me. I’m not leaving them to do this on their own!”
“You should,” Regulus mutters, finally speaking. “This isn’t a matter of abandoning us or being a bad friend. This could be life or death, Barty. Is it really worth that?”
“Are you genuinely asking me if I think my life is worth risking for yours? Or Evan’s?” Barty laughs, disbelieving. “Merlin, Regulus. Sometimes I don’t know if we’re on the same page about our friendship. Of course, it’s worth it. It would be worth it one million times over.”
Regulus falls quiet again. He’s willing to die for Barty, too. It’s part of why he’s doing all of this. He just can’t get himself to understand why anyone would be willing to do the same for him.
—
The watch is proving itself useful, although Regulus hasn’t gotten much use out of it yet. Since he’s gotten back to Hogwarts, it hasn’t budged from its spot on Ehwaz: progress. Sometimes, he knows when he’s doing something in particular to further this progress because it burns hot to the touch. He can feel it through his robes, even when he doesn’t check it. When he started the Animagus progress, it burned so hot that Regulus yelped. The magic of it still surprises him and keeps him wondering at times. It knows. The moment the Mandrake leaf was placed beneath his tongue, it burned hot. It knew. Somehow, it knew.
So, with a bit of mystery still entrenched around the watch, Regulus finds himself caught off guard when the watch burns again after he speaks to Mulciber and Snape.
“Reg,” Mulciber greets, grinning at him. “Come over here.”
Regulus is so fucking tired of Mulciber calling him nicknames even after he told him not to that he doesn’t even bother hiding his eye roll. Nonetheless, he approaches him, sitting in a chair opposite him in the common room. Snape sits beside him, eyeing Regulus warily.
“You have the information?” Mulciber asks, his voice low.
Regulus arches a brow. “I do. Do you?”
“Of course,” Mulciber nods, puffing out his chest. “I received it only a few days ago—and, guess what?”
“What?” Regulus says, flatly.
“I got Snape an invitation as well,” Mulciber’s grin grows. “Isn’t that brilliant?”
Regulus narrows his eyes, looking at Snape, who falters under his gaze. “It’s something, all right. How on earth did you manage that?”
Mulciber shrugs. “Asked father. Vouched for him. His letter came through only days later.”
“I’ll be doing the same for Barty,” Regulus admits. He redirects his attention to Severus, fixing him with a sneer. “So, Snape, you’re fully over your Muggle affections then?”
Snape pales, pursing his lips. “I have never had Muggle affections. I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”
Regulus laughs, cruelly. “I think Lily Evans might disagree. Or wait, she’s not a Muggle, is she? What was it you so kindly called her last year? A—”
“Don’t,” Snape grits out. “Don’t.”
Regulus smirks. “Touched a nerve, have I? My apologies—it’s all jokes, of course.”
Mulciber lets out a loud laugh, elbowing Snape. “Don’t get all bent out of shape. It’s all in good fun. Just a bit of tough love. That’s to be expected, considering your background.”
Snape’s jaw clenches so hard that Regulus is surprised he doesn’t crack a tooth. It’s the most entertaining thing he’s seen in weeks.
“Why don’t we shake on it, Severus?” Regulus questions, offering his hand. “Let’s help each other.”
Snape glances down at Regulus’ outstretched hand. He looks back up to him, his eyes riddled with confusion. Regulus raises a brow at him.
“Go on then,” Mulciber urges. “Reg is a good guy to have on your side.” Mulciber meets Regulus’ eyes. “And Severus is more clever than one might assume.”
Regulus is aware of that. He’s not one to underestimate others based on their blood status. As Regulus reaches new heights of influence, he needs to widen his reach and strategy. If Snape is successful in joining the cause, he’ll prove useful to Regulus. Word of his attack on Regulus’ life would mean many things for him. None promising. Based on the look in Snape’s eyes, he’s aware of this, or something close to it.
Good, Regulus thinks, Let him lie in wait. Let him feel the fear I did as I laid on those steps.
Snape shakes his hand. Regulus doesn’t miss the way it shakes slightly and his palms are clammy. Blackmail is a powerful tool, even if it’s not yet spelled out.
When Regulus walks away, unsure of what compelled him to go about things that way, he feels it. The burn against his pant leg. His step falters slightly, and he glances around the empty hallway before pulling out the watch. There it is, clear and plain as daylight: a change in the watch. Algiz: collaboration and protection.
Regulus stares at it, confusion washing over him. He glances over his shoulder, half expecting Snape to be lurking, watching him like he used to.
—
“This is absolutely mad,” Remus breathes out, looking around the room. It resembles Potter Cottage a bit with the comfortable furniture and warm colors. Remus turns back to James. “I’d read about it in Hogwarts: A History, but was never sure if it was real. How’d you find it?”
“Just looked for it,” James shrugs, smiling slightly. He looks around as well. “It knows when you need it. It’ll present itself to you.”
“I love magic,” Remus murmurs, shaking his head in amazement. “I can’t believe we never found it, all the times we needed to hide from Filch.”
“Wasn’t urgent enough, I suppose,” Sirius responds. He glares at James. “At least, not as urgent as James’ need to be alone with my little brother.”
James grins at Sirius, waggling his eyebrows, which causes Sirus to gag at the sight.
A laugh escapes Remus and he slips an arm around Siris’ waist. “You’re just jealous we didn’t find it first.”
Sirius seems to ponder that a moment before speaking. “Y’know, Moony, you’re probably right. But, our four posters and a silencing charm are perfectly fine with me.”
“Sick,” James shakes his head. “You’re sick.”
“Says the baby-brother-defiler,” Sirius shoots back.
“Where is he anyway?” Remus asks, glancing toward the door. “He knows we’re meeting here, right?”
“Yeah,” James nods, pushing his glasses up his nose. “He said he might run a little bit late. He was with Dumbledore tonight and had to check on a potion in Slughorn’s office before heading over.”
“Has Reggie said anything about all of that?” Sirius asks. “Dumbledore’s trainings? How are they going?”
“He hasn’t talked about them with me in a while,” James admits. He looks down at the floor. “It’s best not to push Regulus into talking about things. I will say that when things are bad I can usually tell. At least, I think I can. The first few weeks of term were rough, but he seems—okay now. As okay as he can.”
Sirius gives a tight nod. His eyes catch on the sofa. “Is that safe to sit on?”
“Merlin, Sirius,” Remus sighs.
“Depends on your definition of safe,” James laughs. “Regulus is quite good at cleaning charms.”
“Oh, bloody hell,” Sirius cries. “I’m actually going to vomit now. Why do you torture me like this?”
“You are quite literally asking for it,” Remus rolls his eyes, just as the door swings open. Regulus sweeps into the room, eyes downcast. Remus doesn’t know him all that well, honestly, but something feels off. Like his hackles are up.
“Hello,” Regulus says, quietly. He doesn’t look at them as he sets his things down.
“Reggie,” Sirius greets, watching his brother warily. “How are you?”
Regulus looks up then, rolling his shoulders back. “Fine. A bit tired, but fine.”
“Everything went alright?” James asks, softly. Regulus looks at him and Remus can literally see as the look in his eyes grows softer at the sight of James. He gives him a close-lipped smile and nods.
“It went as well as it can,” Regulus responds. “Moody was there today. Not an easy one.”
“Moody?” Sirius questions. “Alastor Moody? He attends your training sessions?”
“Occasionally,” Regulus nods. “Dueling practice. He was rather rough with me tonight—said I needed to learn to fight back. Had to step into the bathroom to heal myself before I went to Slughorn’s and came here. Sorry, I’m late.”
It hadn’t occurred to Remus that Regulus was actually being taught things to prepare himself when he was off with Dumbledore. He had never given it much thought, to be honest, but he just imagined the two of them sitting in Dumbledore’s study. The headmaster looking at Regulus with a twinkle in his eye and Regulus glaring back with pure obstinance. He supposes it makes more sense that things were actually happening.
“He hurt you?” Sirius asks, his voice tight.
“A bit,” Regulus shrugs. “Nothing I couldn’t fix.”
“Why don’t you fight back?” Remus finds himself asking.
“I’m trying not to pick up on his dueling signature,” Regulus explains, meeting Remus’ eyes. “I’ve been trained exclusively by Bellatrix and as a result, I fight like her. When I return home this summer, she’ll continue her training. If things are different, she’ll notice. Not to mention that Moody is one of the most notable fighters in the resistance. His style, just like Bellatrix’s, is distinct. Recognizable.”
“How do you even think of that shit,” Sirius shakes his head. “I mean, it feels like you think of every possible thing there is to worry about before doing something.”
“You’re not too far off,” Regulus admits. He looks back to Remus. “Which is why I want you to know that I already know the forest will be dangerous on the full moon. I’ve been studying—the documented layout of it, the creatures inside.” Regulus hesitates a moment. “I’ve even been reading up on werewolves, just to be safe.”
“It’s not just creatures that live in the forest or me,” Remus murmurs. “There’s another wolf in the forest. Or there was the last moon. It could be back again. That’s what you need to be worried about.”
“I know there’s another wolf,” Regulus informs him. “I was there that night. In here, when James was attacked. Sirius told me before I healed him.”
Remus glances at Sirius, refraining from grimacing. They’ve all sort of just—ignored what happened to James. Remus has let it consume his thoughts, of course, but it hasn’t taken up too much space amongst the Marauders themselves. With some new shitshow happening close to every day, it’s been easy to not talk about it. Remus and Sirius have spoken about it briefly, but Remus doesn’t quite know what to say about it. He feels terrible, like a monster, but not enough to isolate himself from his friends. He’s said and thought it a million times, but everything feels so temporary these days. He’s scared he’s going to lose it all if he doesn’t hold on tight enough. So, he keeps holding on, even when his worst fears reach the surface and permeate into his reality
.
Anyway, it’s not surprising that Regulus knows about the wolf, now that he thinks about it, but Remus does feel a bit foolish. He’s gone and gathered a bloody war council of sorts for something Regulus is already aware of.
“I think one of us should go with you, Regulus,” James says, running a hand through his hair. “Going completely unprotected with two wolves in the forest. It’s not just dangerous—it could be a death sentence.”
“James,” Sirius growls, warningly.
“Don’t,” Remus shakes his head, placing a hand on Sirius’ arm. “Don’t get up in arms for me. James is right.”
“I’m already taking the cloak,” Regulus argues. “I don’t need one of you there too. I’ll be fine. It’ll be in and out.”
“You’re going to have to go deep into the forest to get where you need to go for the process to work,” Sirius responds, crossing his arms. “That won’t be in and out whether you want it to be or not.”
“How on earth will you explain one of you being missing on the full moon to Peter?” Regulus asks, scowling. “Have either of you ever missed a full moon since you became Animagi?”
“Sirius has,” Remus mutters, his chest tightening at the memory. “He could miss it again. We can think of something.”
“I can go with Regulus,” James offers. “We can say I’m sick or something.”
“No,” Remus says, looking at James. “I need Prongs with me. Padfoot might not be big enough to keep control of me if the other wolf is there.”
“Or,” Regulus snaps. “I can go on my own, just as I’ve been planning. It’ll be fine.”
“Regulus, mate, I know you think you’re capable, but we know that forest better than anyone, aside from maybe Hagrid,” Remus tells him. “Even if the wolf isn’t there, Sirius will be able to guide you through the forest and back out without issue.”
“I still don’t think it’s necessary,” Regulus snips. “I have the cloak and I can use a point me spell. I don’t need a keeper.”
“You don’t need one,” James soothes. “But it’ll help to have one. Reg, please.”
Regulus sets his mouth into a tight line, glaring at James. After a moment, he sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Fine. Fine. Sirius will go with me.”
“Don’t sound too excited, Reggie,” Sirius scoffs.
Regulus shoots him another glare. “You better not fuck around while I’m doing this. It needs to get done and without issue.”
“It’s almost as if you’ve forgotten that I’ve done it too,” Sirius rolls his eyes. “I can help you with that as well. Make sure you haven’t made any mistakes.”
“I won’t make any mistakes,” Regulus snaps. “Not as long as you don’t mess with me.”
Sirius narrows his eyes at Regulus and Remus can practically taste the tension rising between them. If this conversation doesn’t end soon, hell will break loose. Based on the look on James’ face, he thinks the same thing.
“Alright,” Remus interrupts. “Padfoot goes with Regulus who takes the cloak. Wormtail and Prongs will be with me. We’ll tell Pete you’re sick. If anything goes amiss, Regulus and Sirius leave the forest. Sound good?”
“Sounds good to me,” James says.
“Me as well,” Sirius grumbles.
“Fine,” Regulus mutters.
Remus’ lips twitch. “Perfect. Anything else?”
“If the other wolf is in the forest, we should all talk about it. Debrief in here after the moon? Once you’re awake and feeling good, Moony?” Sirius offers.
“Good idea, Pads,” Remus nods. “We’ll meet here the next morning, around 9:00 am, whether the wolf is there or not. I’m curious to hear how it goes for Regulus.”
The boys all nod in agreement, even if Regulus frowns while he does it.
“Perfect,” Remus rubs his hands together. “Happy almost full moon, boys. Best of luck, Regulus.”
—
The hours leading up to the full moon pass surprisingly well, in James’ opinion. Remus is having one of his better days, his mood is not too different than usual. Sirius suggested he pretend to be sick all day to throw off any suspicion or questioning Pete might raise at him for missing the moon. It’s clever really, but James wonders if part of Sirius’ willingness to fake sick has to do with their Divination quiz that day.
“Is he really that ill?” Peter asks, chewing on his lip. The three of them are at breakfast before classes start and the Great Hall is bustling with other students. “I hope it’s nothing contagious. I was just reading about Dragon Pox and—”
“Pete, mate,” James laughs. “Sirius does not have Dragon Pox. He’s just come down with something. It’s probably nothing.”
“It has to be something ,” Peter insists, his voice low and his eyes wide. “For Sirius to miss the moon… He wouldn’t just drop that for a cold.”
“I told him he should rest,” Remus says dismissively, not looking up from his book. “He didn’t look too good. Didn’t look like Dragon Pox though—more like the flu.”
Peter lets out a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank Merlin. Dragon Pox, it’s really nasty, you know. People die from it.”
“Peter,” Remus sighs. “No one is dying. No one has Dragon Pox at Hogwarts. The biggest public health emergency is probably the person sitting in my seat right now. And you share a dorm and eat meals with me. And frolic around the Forbidden Forest with one of the deadliest magical creatures. You’re going to be fine.”
“Aw, Moony, don’t talk about your furry little problem like that,” James coos. “We’ve all grown rather fond of it.”
“Yeah, well, don’t count me in on that,” Remus rolls his eyes. “We should probably head up to class now. The bell is in ten minutes.”
“Yessir,” James salutes, shooting Remus a crooked grin. He throws an arm around Peter’s shoulder. “Wormtail, let’s go. We’ve got to escort Hogwarts public health emergency to History of Magic.”
—
“You don’t have the cloak?” Peter questions, his eyebrows shooting up to his hairline. “Where is it? How are you going to get into the shack?”
“Dad asked to borrow it,” James lies with a half-hearted shrug. “Ministry business, I’d guess. Don’t worry about me though. I’ll sneak in after Pomfrey. If that doesn’t work, I’ll just meet you in the forest.”
“Okay…” Peter trails off, looking rather concerned. “Just be careful, okay, James?”
“Wormy, my man,” James laughs. “I’m always careful.”
Peter shoots him a skeptical look. “In that case, be even more careful than usual, yeah?”
“Yeah, mate, of course.”
—
The moon goes well. James managed to make it into the shack after Pomfrey and before Moony had transformed. Even the transformation, which can usually be pretty brutal, seemed better than usual. James was glad for it, but surprised. He wasn’t sure how Remus would handle a moon without Sirius.
It’s different though, James guesses, knowing that Sirius is off helping his little brother and not telling someone about his secrets.
Once they’re out in the forest, things continue to go well. Moony is in a good mood tonight. He ventures a bit deeper than usual into the forest, but nothing concerning. Prongs assumes it’s because he can pick up on Padfoot’s scent somewhere in the forest.
Moony chases Prongs and sniffs plants. Behaves. The anxiety that James had over the moon doesn’t bleed into his animagus form. He feels that pure, unadulterated, animalistic joy that he loves feeling when he’s in his stag form. It’s amazing. It’s easy.
That is, until they hear the other wolf.
When that howl rings out in the forest. When Prongs sees Moony’s head snap up at the sound. When Wormtail squeaks with fear. When Moony tears off into the clearing, in evident pursuit of the other, that’s when the fear sets in.
As he chases after Moony, all James can think of in his animalistic consciousness is Not Regulus. Not Sirius. Not Regulus. Not Sirius. Not Regul—.
—
“You’re much more enjoyable this way,” Regulus comments. “When you can’t talk.” Padfoot, who’s currently jogging at his side, lets out a loud huff through his nose. Regulus grins. “See? It’s so peaceful this way. So quiet.”
Padfoot lets a loud bark at that. Regulus scowls down at him. “Ugh, I forgot you could still do that.”
Padfoot wags his tail, clearly amused. He stops abruptly, sitting to look at Regulus. They’ve just reached the edge of the forest. He seems to motion with his head for Regulus to walk in front of him. It seems he’s planning on taking up the rear. Regulus looks from Padfoot to the forest, fisting the invisibility cloak in his hands. Time to see if all the fuss was worth it.
—
After a quiet and easy walk through the forest—further proving to Regulus that he could have managed this on his own—they finally reach a place that seems adequate for the placement of the vial. It’s deep within the forest—a dark, wooded clearing with thick moss that covers the floor. The moss is undisturbed from what they can tell, so they stop.
Regulus pulls out his vial and somewhat gracelessly pulls the Mandrake leaf from his mouth. Holding the wet, limp thing between his fingers, he wrinkles his nose as he places it inside of the glass vial. Beside him, Padfoot is silent.
Once the leaf is in the vial, Regulus plucks one of his hairs from his head and places it next to the
Leaf. Then, he pulls a silver teaspoon from the pocket of his robes and kneels, carefully, to gather dew from the moss below him. Once that’s inside, the final component is added: the chrysalis of a Death's-Head Hawk Moth.
With only slightly shaking fingers, Regulus seals the vial and slowly places it in the moss at the base of the largest tree in the clearing. Straightening up, he turns to Padfoot who tilts his head in question. Regulus nods. It’s done. All that’s left to do now is wait.
—
On the way out of the forest, Sirius transforms back into a human and walks with Regulus.
“Soon enough you’ll be an Animagus,” Sirius grins, how voice quiet. “I wish you could run around with us.”
Regulus looks at Sirius out of the corner of his eye. “Yeah, that would have been fun.”
“You think so?” Sirius asks, genuinely. He sounds surprised that Regulus would agree.
“Yes,” Regulus murmurs. “Why wouldn’t it? I’m not totally devoid of having a good time, you know.”
“I know that, Reggie,” Sirius sighs. “It’s just, well, sometimes it feels like you don’t actually enjoy spending time with me. I mean, I know things are different because they have to be, but I don’t know. It just feels like there’s this big gap between us that I can’t get past.”
Regulus is quiet a moment, mulling over his brother’s words. He knows what Sirius is referencing. He just doesn’t know how to make it better. “I think things are always going to feel different than they used to before all of this. I think that’s to be expected, too. I mean, we go around in circles, the both of us, wishing things could feel like they did when we were kids. The thing is though, we’re not kids anymore. We haven’t been for a long time and won’t be again. It’s always going to be different.”
“Does it have to be this different though?” Sirius asks, looking at Regulus as he does. “The tension? The avoidance? I don’t think it has to be like that, but sometimes I don’t know how to act any other way with you.”
“I don’t think it’s you,” Regulus admits. “I’m not—I’m not exactly easy to be around anymore. Not easy to deal with. I think it’s me, at the root of all of this.”
Sirius opens his mouth to respond, his brow furrowed, but is swiftly cut off by something they weren’t expecting. A howl nearby. Whether it’s Lupin or another wolf, one thing is clear: they’re in danger.
“Regulus,” Sirius says, his voice firm and commanding. “Put the cloak on right now.”
Regulus does as he’s told, quickly slipping into the obedience he held toward Sirius for years. Beneath the cloak, he watches as his brother transforms back into Padfoot and begins sniffing the air around them, his hackles raised.
—
James doesn’t know if he’s ever pushed Prongs so hard in his life. He’s ran in Stag form, plenty of times, but never like this. Not even when he was fighting off Moony last time. Never out of pure fear. Never out of absolute necessity.
Moony is tearing through the forest in pursuit of the other wolf and Prongs is at his heels. James is sure he’s bleeding in some places—he ran through so many tree branches and twigs that it’d be impossible for him not to be. His focus is on Moony, but he can’t help but realize that he has no clue where Wormtail has run off too, but it’s probably for the best if he’s made it back to the shack. He’s tiny, incapable of stopping Moony from doing anything. However, he can make it back and realize if they need help by the end of the moon.
They end up in a small patch of grassy, treeless forest when they come across the other wolf. James doesn’t know why, but he expected this ‘other wolf’ to look…scarier than it does. He’s not sure why. He knows what Moony looks like and he’s really not all that scary once he’s in wolf form. It’s the transformation that’s bad.
This wolf is smaller than Moony, though not by much, and its fur is much more matted and scarred. Prongs pauses behind Moony once they spot it. At the sight of each other, the wolves just seem to stare. James can’t tell what kind of energy is passing between them. It seems to be completely unique to them, something meant for them. It feels almost—intimate.
Slowly, Moony begins to approach the other wolf, who also carefully walks forward. Even in stag form, James’ heart beats about a million times per minute at the situation unfolding in front of him. Just as they’re about to get close, like really close, Moony stops again. This time, it’s to sniff the air. Within seconds, his head whips towards the distant trees, and James’ gaze follows.
There, clear as day, is a black, scruffy tail poking out from behind the base of a tree. James’ heart drops.
—
When Sirius hears the wolf, he gets a little bit nervous. He’s determined to get Regulus out of there unharmed, and he will.
So, when Padfoot sees the wolf, it might be a bit more than nerves, but Regulus is under the cloak. Sirius can’t be attacked to the point of transformation in Animagus form. They just need to wait for the right time to escape.
It’s when Moony emerges from the trees and enters the clearing where the wolf waits that Sirius acknowledges that what he’s feeling might be more than a bit of anxiety.
Finally, when he spots Prongs behind Moony, it fully sets in. The panic. The fear. There’s no hiding from it now. Sirius is in the forest with the three people he loves most and there’s a good chance that one of them could die. Or at least get attacked.
He’s crouched behind the trunk of a wide tree, watching. Regulus is next to him, still under the cloak. He can’t see him, but somehow he can feel him.
Sirius can also feel the moment that Moony realizes he’s there, in the forest with them. They look at one another from across the clearing and Sirius feels his heart drop down to his stomach. Regulus needs to get away from here. Right now.
Quickly, Padfoot turns and nudges Regulus through the cloak with his nose. He’s trying to urge him to run, but he can’t actually speak. All he can do is nudge Regulus, who doesn’t seem to understand, or be willing to follow, the cue he’s giving him.
Frustrated, he huffs and pushes Regulus extra hard. It’s a push too hard though, and Sirius can feel the moment that his muzzle connects with the back of Regulus’ knee. It’s too late though, Sirius can’t take it back as it buckles beneath the force of the push. Sirius can’t stop what happens next. He can only watch as his little brother loses his balance, attempting to grab onto the tree for support, and loses the cloak in the process. Regulus stumbles, cloak discarded on the muddy forest floor, and meets Padfoot’s eyes, his own wide with fear.
In unison, Regulus and Sirius whip their heads toward the clearing, where Moony and the other wolf have noticed the two of them.
—
Regulus has now been in three situations this year where he’s thought he was going to die. It doesn’t escape his notice that James always seems to be there when it happens. Maybe he’s Regulus’ good luck charm. Maybe he’ll escape death yet again and not die in a brutal werewolf attack. Maybe. He wonders what the watch would point to if he checked it right now. Death is an option on there, so it might just be time.
Sirius was trying to get him to run. Regulus knows he was. He just couldn’t. He couldn’t get himself to move. He just—froze. He’s never seen a werewolf in person before, let alone two of them, and they’re terrifying. That being said, he doesn’t exactly blame his brother for the harsh shove he gave him in an attempt to get him to get the fuck out of there.
Regulus has also experienced fear a number of times. Far more than three. This fear though? That grips him like a vice? It’s different than the others. This fear—it’s something biological. Something instinctual telling him that he’s in deep, deep shit.
If it weren’t for James' position behind the larger wolf, Regulus wouldn’t have a clue which one was Remus and which was the outsider. When the eyes of both wolves fall on him, glowing and hungry, Regulus is pretty sure this is how it’s going to end. He looks back to Sirius one last time, who’s still in dog form, and can see his own fear reflected back at him.
It’s the crunch of twigs beneath weight that cause Sirius and Regulus to break eye contact. Menacingly, the smaller wolf approaches. Regulus is no expert on dogs, or wolves, or whatever group of animal a werewolf is considered—he’s always much preferred cats—but he can recognize the movements in the creature in front of him. They’re predatory. They signal something as equally instinctual as Regulus’ fear: the hunt.
As the wolf gets closer, Sirius steps in front of Regulus, growling at the other animal. Regulus wracks his brain, trying to think of a plan to get himself out of there. He could try to grab the cloak, which is now out of reach, and make a run for it. He’s quite sure that the werewolf’s sense of smell wouldn’t let him get away. He doesn’t think Sirius, as large of a dog as his Animagus form might be, will make a difference for him either.
The wolf isn’t deterred in the slightest by Sirius’ growls. No, it continues to creep closer, baring its large teeth. Even though this wolf is smaller, it’s truly insane how large werewolves are. It gets closer, and closer, towering over them more and more with each step forward. Despite the threat ahead of him, Sirius doesn’t falter. His hackles remain raised, his stance in front of Regulus widens, and the growling doesn’t subside.
When it happens, it happens so quickly, that Regulus isn’t even sure what’s happening at first. A snarl, a flash of fur mixing, and Sirius pushed back into Regulus with such force that it knocks the wind out of him.
Dazed, Regulus looks around the clearing. Remus and the other wolf are in some sort of—fight. Whether for dominance, or something else, it’s clear that’s what they’re doing. This is no play fight like puppies do. This is blood and teeth and aggression. Next to him, Sirius transforms back into human form, taking heaving breaths with his eyes wide.
“Regulus,” Sirius pants. “I understand that you might not have gotten the message before, but listen to me and do as I say. Run. Now.”
Regulus doesn’t hesitate that time. He scrambles up from his place on the ground and grabs the cloak. Once it’s on, he turns back to face Sirius and tell him to hurry up, but he’s already transformed into Padfoot and is walking toward James and the space of forest where Remus is still fighting the other wolf.
Without a second thought, Regulus fucking books it. He runs so fast, and so hard, that his lungs burn and his muscles strain. By the time he makes it to the edge of the forest and onto school grounds, he feels like his lungs are bleeding and ready to burst, but he keeps running. He doesn’t stop until he’s in the castle, doubled over and heaving, the sun just beginning to peak through the aged glass windows.
—
Whatever the fuck is going on, it’s clear that Moony has the upper hand. Prongs and Padfoot hang back. This is a version of Moony they’ve never seen before and the prospect of getting involved doesn’t seem like it would help. Who knows if they’d survive it, honestly.
When Moony slams the other wolf into a crop of trees so violently that the snap of its bones reverberates through the forest, James knows that it’s over. Moony stands there, his body heaving with deep breaths and it’s recognizable the moment that the transformation back into a human begins. Within moments, Remus is there, lying on the floor, groaning.
James and Sirius both transform back and rush to his side. Sirius looks up at the sky, his hands on Remus, and makes a noise of frustration. The sky is beginning to pink. The sun is rising. Pomfrey will head back to the shack to collect Remus extremely soon.
“James,” Sirius commands. “We need to put him on Prong’s back. We’re still deep in the forest—we’ll never make it back in time carrying him.”
“Okay,” James nods, fervently. “You can lift him onto me?”
“Yes,” Sirius says, resolutely. “We need to do it now.”
Once Remus is on Prong’s back, they hurry off towards the shack. Just as they’re about to round a curve of the forest, James looks back to see if the other wolf is following.
There’s no one there.
—
Regulus feels like he’s been pacing the floor of the Room and Requirement for so long that it’s a marvel that he hasn’t worn a hole in the floor.
He doesn’t know when James, Sirius, and Remus will arrive. He doesn’t even know if they’re okay. He doesn’t know if—no. No. He can’t think like that. There’s no use in it. He just has to wait. Keep waiting. He can be patient. He’ll manage it. He always has. He always does.
—
“What happened? Are you guys okay? I’m sorry I ran—I just didn’t know what to do. I’m sorry. Sirius, James , I’m so sorry.”
“It’s fine, Pete,” James says once he’s out of his Animagus form. Sirius is fussing over an unconscious Remus, moving him to the dirty cot left for him in the shack.
“Did you guys get hurt? What did the other wolf do? I don’t know why I ran,” Peter shakes his head, his eyes watery. “I’m sorry.”
“Stop fucking apologizing,” Sirius hisses, his dark hair whipping over his shoulder as he turns to face Peter. “You ran. You’re a coward and we’re fine. You not being there didn’t make a difference.”
“Sirius!” James protests, outraged.
“What?” Sirius shouts, his face red. “Is any part of what I just said a lie?! No, it’s not!”
“What are you even doing here?” Peter questions, his voice lined with anger. “I thought you were sick.”
“I—” Sirius opens and closes his mouth, clearly hesitating. Even James forgot that Sirius wasn’t supposed to be here tonight. “I feel better. I came late, that’s all.” He narrows his eyes at Peter. “And thank Merlin I did, seeing as you left them.”
“I was scared!” Peter yells. “There was another fucking werewolf and I’m—I’m a bloody rat for Merlin’s sake! What the hell am I supposed to do in that situation?”
“You stay!” Sirius growls. “You stay and you help your friends in whatever way you can!”
Peter laughs, cruelly, throwing his arms up in the air. “If I had stayed I’m sure you would have found an issue with that as well! I can’t do anything right to you—I’m always pissing you off somehow. I’ll see myself out now, it’s clear that’s what you want me to do.”
“Pete, mate, don’t go,” James says, weakly. “He’s just upset.”
“Don’t start, James,” Pete murmurs, sadly. “Even you’re different with me now. I don’t know what it is, but everything’s changing and I’m tired of it.” He looks to Sirius. “Has it ever occurred to you that it’s me who keeps getting left?”
With that, Pete walks out the door. James and Sirius, sit in silence until they have no choice but to leave. Pomfrey will be there for Remus soon.
—
When the door to the Room of Requirement opens hours later, around eleven in the morning, Regulus has paused his pacing and taken a seat on the couch. At the sound of people entering, he turns quickly and lets out a sigh of relief.
James and Sirius are flanking Remus, who’s walking with a slight limp. All things considered, they look well. Even Remus, who quite literally fought another werewolf mere hours ago, doesn’t look too bad aside from the limp and some plasters peaking out of the collar of his jumper.
Regulus stands to face them, his eyes lingering on each of their faces. He frowns. “Well?”
Remus laughs. “Well. We’re fine. That didn’t go exactly as planned did it?”
“I’m starting to think that if I’m involved, we just need to accept that the worst possible outcome is going to happen,” Regulus says, flatly.
“Nah,” Sirius shakes his head. “That wasn’t your fault, Reg. We probably should’ve expected that one after the last moon.”
“Two not-so-good moons in a row,” James murmurs, his brow furrowed. “I don’t like that.”
Remus gives James an unimpressed look. “Only you would get attacked by a werewolf and then watch a werewolf fight and call it ‘not-so-good.”
James grins. “Hey, nobody died. Can’t be worse than not-so-good with that in mind.”
Remus and Sirius huff out laughs, but Regulus remains straight-faced. He doesn’t find the humor in what happened tonight. It was close—far too close, if you ask him. His fists clench by his side in an attempt to calm himself down.
“I’m happy to see that the three of you can laugh this off,” Regulus grits out. “I, on the other hand, would like to talk about what the fuck just happened.”
The faint smiles on everyone’s faces drop. Remus in particular seems to adopt a certain sense of somberness, which Regulus can appreciate.
“Let’s sit down,” Remus says. “I don’t think this’ll be a quick conversation. Although, before we do, how did it go? The leaf and all that got placed, even with everything that happened?”
It catches Regulus off guard a bit, that Remus is even thinking about that right now. He definitely wasn't. He nods, tightly. "Yeah. Yeah, it's all done. We just wait now."
Remus smiles, slightly. "Waiting. It's always the worst part."
And ah, doesn't Regulus know it?
—
Just as Remus assumed, he’s right, as he so often is, and the conversation about last night’s full moon isn’t quick. No, it’s rather long and grueling. It takes about an hour before they get to the part of it that’s been eating at Remus more than anything.
“Are you planning on telling Dumbledore about this?” Regulus asks, looking at Remus. He seems to have decided this a question, or decision, for him to make.
“I don’t know,” Remus responds, speaking slowly. “I didn’t want to, after the last moon. That was because of something your friend—Malfoy—said to me. Now, though… I don’t know. If it’s living there, that’s a different story.”
“Pandora spoke to you about it?” Regulus frowns. “What did she say?”
“That the sooner he told Dumbledore, the more dangerous it would be and the more they’d expect him to contribute to the war,” Sirius interjects. “He’s not going to tell him. It’s not worth it.”
“I think it is,” Remus argues, avoiding Sirius’ eyes. “Especially if we plan on continuing going in the forest on full moons. It’s not safe. We all know there have been more attacks. This could be a part of that. If I can do something to stop that, then I will.”
“Er,” James runs a hand through his hair. “I think it should be up to you, Moony, but how are you going to explain to Dumbledore that you know it’s there? We’re not exactly supposed to be in the forest…”
“I’ll tell him I could smell it and hear it,” Remus dismisses quickly. “That’s not far off and probably would be true. I could smell it, from the little I remember. I could smell that it was part of a pack too, I just don’t know which one.”
“You could smell that?” Regulus asks, disbelievingly.
Remus nods, gesturing to himself. “Werewolf skills.”
“I still don’t think it’s a good idea to tell Dumbledore,” Sirius objects. “You don’t need to be used as a tool of war as well.”
“This impacts so many people besides me, Sirius,” Remus says, pleadingly. “The lives of so many people are at risk with the increased werewolf attacks. This—this could save them. That’s what really matters. That’s what makes it a good idea.”
“I don’t mean to come off as rude,” Regulus begins, carefully. “But in all honesty, what difference will it make, really, telling Dumbledore? In my experience, he doesn’t care to help others unless it helps him. How would this benefit him? Who's to say he would do anything about it, let alone get Remus involved?”
“It will benefit him, Regulus, and I can’t believe you of all people don’t see how,” Sirius responds, angrily. “Think about it. Just for a moment, think about it. As Voldemort rises in power, so does the number of werewolf attacks. They’re working for him. Imagine if Dumbledore had an in with werewolves. Imagine if he could pull one over on Voldemort and get them to come on our side instead. The only way he’d be able to do that is by infiltrating these packs. Who else would he have do that, aside from Remus? He’d be no less a slave to the cause than you are.”
A chill runs through Remus' body at Sirius' last comment. He's right—Remus knows he is. It's just that Remus doesn't care, exactly. He wants, so desperately, to be useful. To be good. What if this is his only chance to prove that? He knows what kind of fate awaits him outside the castle if people discover the truth of who he is. At that point, what will it have mattered if he kept his head down, got his OWLs, and had influential friends? Nothing. It will have meant nothing.
Remus isn't willing to accept that future for himself. The only thing holding him back from telling Dumbledore—from going down a path of servitude, as Sirius put it—is Sirius himself. Remus loves Sirius so, so much. He's just not sure he loves him enough to ignore his conscience and his fate.
—
Four days have passed since the full moon and Remus' fight with the other wolf. He still hasn't told Dumbledore. Sirius seems to think he won't. Remus doesn't know yet.
The thing is, as much as Remus does want to help and contribute to saving the lives of others, he's afraid all the same. Who wouldn't be?
There's also another aspect of the situation that Remus didn't bring up to Sirius, James, and Regulus. He won that fight or duel, or whatever the hell that was in the forest. He knows he did. He also knows, that because of that, the wolf won't come back. He's not sure how he knows this, but he knows. It's pure instinct, but when it comes to the wolf and feelings like that, Remus is never too far off. It's different than his human intuition—it feels more concrete.
Even if that wolf doesn't come back, it doesn't mean others won't. That wolf knows that Remus is there now, and it's part of a pack. Surely, it wasn't in the forest for fun. It was there for a reason. It might be the last of that wolf, but not the last of all of them. The longer he goes without telling Dumbledore while still running around on the full moon with his friends just puts them all in more danger.
It's weighing heavy on Remus, making this decision. It's bleeding into his mood, making him as grumpy as he usually is around the full moon. The Marauders haven't said much, but they know better. Plus, something's clearly going on with Sirius and Peter. Remus isn't sure what because he hasn't asked, but they've obviously gotten into a tiff. In the days following the moon, Peter has spent most of his free time at the Chess Club. A part of Remus worries he did something during the moon—as Moony—to make Peter retreat like this. This fear is the driving force of his inaction and lack of questioning of James and Sirius about the whole thing. He's got too much going on in his head already. He doesn't need to deal with the guilt of having done something out of his control to one of his best friends.
Lily has picked up on the mood shift as well. She was delicate at first, treating him with gentleness. Now that a few days have passed, however? She's over it. Like, seriously over it.
"What the hell is going on with you?" Lily asks, wrinkling her nose at him. "Quit acting like a dick if you're not going to talk to me about it. I don't need that shit from you too."
"Nothing is going on with me," Remus grumbles, casting a quick cleaning spell to mop up the ink well he just spilled all over the library table. "We're studying. Sorry, I'm not jumping with joy."
Lily rolls her eyes. "Really? You want to pull that one with me? I happen to know you enjoy studying, so no, that's not going to work." She leans on the table, getting closer to him. Lowering her voice she asks, "Is it Sirius? Did he do something?"
Surprised, Remus looks at her immediately. Misreading his shock, Lily goes for it. "I knew it! I knew that bugger did something. What was it? Go on, tell me. I'll kill him for you."
"Why would Sirius have done anything to make me upset," Remus asks, annoyed. He's not sure where Lily's going with this. She doesn't know about the prank, or the fact that he's a werewolf. She doesn't know about he and Sirius getting together. He hasn't told her yet. He probably will, seeing as she knew about the—crush, but not yet. Not until he knows it's okay with Sirius.
"He's always doing something," Lily waves a hand through the air, like Remus is stupid. "Usually when you get like this—all mopey—it has something to do with him. So, what did he do?"
"He didn't do anything," Remus grunts, slamming his book shut. At the front of the library, Madame Pince hushes him. "I'm just tired and busy and worried about everything happening inside and outside of this castle. Jesus, Lily, I thought you'd understand that."
"Woah," Lily raises her eyebrows. "I do understand that, Remus. I just...I thought it was something. Something more, I don't know, personal. You know you can tell me if it is?"
Remus twists his mouth, looking into her green eyes. "Yeah, Lily, I know. But it's not anything like that. If it was, I'd tell you."
"Okay," Lily allows, before giving him a hesitant smile. "Yeah, okay. I know you would."
"Good," Remus nods, guilt twisting in his gut. "You should trust me."
"I do trust you, Remus," Lily tells him, her face sincere. "Always."
—
A thunderstorm comes to Hogwarts not even a week after Regulus places the vial in the forest. Along with it, it brings lightning. The final piece of the Animagus process.
Each morning and each night, Regulus has drawn the curtains around his bed and pressed the tip of his wand to his heart, murmuring the incantation. Amato Animo Animato Animagus. Amato Animo Animato Animagus. Over and over again, he's done it. He doesn't feel any different, but nothing has changed yet. He hasn't drunk the potion. Tonight, he will.
He sends letters to James, Sirius, and Remus asking them to meet him in the Room of Requirement again late this evening. He figures after everything, they deserve to know if it worked or not. Plus, if something goes wrong, he needs somewhere and someone to go to.
It's around nine that the lightning really begins and Regulus makes his way into the forest. Again, he brings the cloak. He considered asking one of them to go with him, just in case, but he decided that this was something he needed to do alone. This is something that needs to be just his, even for a moment.
He makes his way out of the castle and into the forest with ease. A part of him feels nervous—the hair on the back of his neck rising, but he thinks it's nerves about what's about to happen. Maybe some lingering fear from the full moon. He doesn't think a true threat is imminent. He'd feel it if it was. Or at least, the watch would.
When he makes it to the clearing, rain pouring down around him, he uncovers the vial from its spot at the base of the tree. Inside, the ingredients he placed—the leaf, his hair, the dew, and the moth chrysalis—have all melted together, creating a silvery liquid within the container. Lightning strikes around him and thunder rumbles through the sky like explosions, and he recites the incantation for what he hopes will be the last time. Amato Animo Animato Animagus. Amato Animo Animato Animagus. Then, he uncaps the vial and tips the potion back into his mouth, letting it slide down his throat. He wrinkles his nose at the taste but swallows it.
At first, he doesn't feel anything at all. In fact, it's so devoid of any change of usual feeling for him, that he lets his shoulders slump in disappointment. It didn't work. It didn't fucking work. He's going to have to do this shit all over again.
He's cursing himself, and the stupid process of all of this, when he feels it. The double-heartbeat. It comes just as a particularly large flash of thunder brightens the entire forest. For a split second, the lightning is so bright that the scene around him looks like it's happening in daylight. Then, just as quickly, it subsides and it happens. The transformation happens.
It hurts at first, Regulus recognizes. It's to be expected, he supposes, considering he's morphing into a different being. He feels as his body and bones shrink down. His skin prickles as fur sprouts from it. He hopes it doesn't feel like that every time. Sirius never said it hurt and neither did James. It must just be the first time. Growing pains.
Once it's complete, Regulus stands there in the forest, paws pressed against the cool floor of the forest. Everything is heightened. His scent, his sight. Even his reflexes. He hasn't used them yet, but he can tell. He knows he's quick. He knows he has a whole new set of skills, shrunk down to sneak by others and deceive the fools he finds around him.
Glancing around the forest, Regulus transforms back and picks up his wand and the cloak. Smiling to himself, he makes his way back to the castle. He wants to remain stoic about it all and pretend this was exclusively for the purpose of his task, but he knows it wasn't. Not entirely. Part of it is just cool. He's sixteen years old and an Animagus. Just like his brother.
A giddy laugh bubbles out of him, drowned out by the sounds of thunder and the crackle of electricity in the skies above him.
—
"Well?" Sirius asks, practically jumping up and down in his seat. "Did it work?!"
Regulus arches an unimpressed brow at him, remaining silent.
"Regulus, love, you're torturing us," James sighs, smiling slightly. "Did it work or not?"
Regulus huffs and crosses his arms, looking from James to Sirius to Remus. Finally, he says, "It worked."
"Holy shit," Sirius laughs. "Holy fucking shit. It worked. Did you guys hear that? It worked! Reggie is an Animagus!"
"Reg," James shouts, his smile so wide it looks like his face might crack open. "That's bloody amazing!"
"Go on and show us then," Remus urges, grinning too.
Regulus sighs and uncrosses his arms. "Before I do this, I just want to say that I recognize the irony in this, considering Sirius. If any of you take the piss out of me for this, I'll kill you. Like, I'll actually give you up to Voldemort when I go back home."
"Regulus," James warns, frowning slightly. He doesn't particularly enjoy Regulus' jokes about the Death Eaters and whatever else.
"I'm kidding," Regulus says to him, softly. He glances at Sirius with narrowed eyes. "Mostly."
"Oh, quit it, Reg," Sirius rolls his eyes. "Show us what you are!"
"Not a word from you," Regulus snaps, still squinting at his brother. Then, he transforms.
The boys are completely silent for a moment.
"You've got to be fucking kidding me," Sirius shouts. "There's no fucking way." He turns to Remus, pointing at him. "Did you ask that Malfoy girl what he was going to be? How the hell did you know?"
"Nope," Remus smiles, smugly. He holds out his hand. "I just knew. You owe me five galleons."
"Buggering hell," Sirius mutters, fishing in the pockets of his robes.
"Reg," James laughs, breathlessly, "You're so...You're so cute."
There, on the floor of the Come-and-Go room, right where Regulus stood only seconds before, is a cat. Not just any cat. A black cat with big grey eyes and a round face. The fur is thick and plush. It hardly looks real.
"Regulus and I are literally complete opposites," Sirius chokes out, trying not to laugh. "Oh, Merlin. This is so classic. This is going to be so bloody awesome."
Even as a cat, Regulus' disdain is evident, with his eyes narrowing. Sirius takes the chance to reach and grab him, lifting Regulus up into the air. "Look at him! Look how fucking adorable he is! He's a cat! KITTY!"
Regulus struggles in Sirius' grip, reaching out for him with his claws. Swiftly, Sirius drops him. Quickly, a disgruntled Regulus transforms back. He glares at Sirius. "You. Voldemort. You're the first one I'm betraying." He looks at Remus, arching a brow. "And you, Lupin. A bet, really?"
Remus shrugs, smiling sheepishly as Sirius guffaws, falling back onto the couch. Regulus watches him, unimpressed before he turns to James. "What do you think?"
"I think it's amazing," James assures him, still grinning. "Honestly, Reg, it's perfect. I can't imagine you as anything else. It's perfect."
Regulus pinks, smiling shyly. "I guess so. I just wish I was something, I don't know, cool. Or at least useful."
"Hey," Remus says, loudly. "Don't discount cats. They go by undetected. You can get away with a lot as a cat. Plus, stray cats are normal, people see them every day. It's going to be much easier for you to get around. Much easier than Sirius can, that's for sure."
"Yeah, Moony's right," James nods. "Imagine trying to sneak around as a bloody stag. Not going to happen, unless we're investigating a forest or something."
"I guess so," Regulus allows.
"Reggie, I think it's perfect too, if you were wondering," Sirius adds. "And, I just want to say that personally, I can't wait to chase you around as Padfoot."
Regulus glares at his older brother. "Try it, I beg of you. I'll claw your eyes out, you stupid mutt."
All three boys erupt into laughter. Even Regulus cracks a smile. He's an Animagus. He's a fucking Animagus. He actually did it.