Pawn Shop Blues
Well, I didn’t know it would come to this but that’s what happens when you're on your own
It’s been a couple months since Regulus Black was forced to drop out of his seventh year in favor of the dark lords' cause. But more importantly, it’s been a year since Regulus had stopped visiting James Potter on the astronomy tower every night. A year since Regulus had gotten the dark mark in an act of survival. Regulus would do anything for those he loved, even if they never found out about his Gryffindor-esque sacrifices. Sirius would never believe he was good at heart even if he was dosed with Veritaserum and was forced to take an unbreakable vow to tell the truth.
And you’re alright with letting nice things go
Regulus reminisces about a time where he let his life go on pause. He let the sun blind him and take him under his sunbeam of warm glowing love. James and him exchanged gifts before winter break, before he was forced to go to the saturnine hallways that was No. 12 Grimmuald Place. James gave him a cliche-ish bracelet and promised a future of safety and love and all of the synonyms that could be put in its place. The bracelet was gold with a little stag dangling off of its build. The gold didn’t look good against Regulus’s pale skin, but he didn’t mind. He didn’t mind, because it was a gift from James- Anything from James was perfect
Regulus can’t exactly remember what he got James for Yule, or Christmas as James would say since he picked it up from Lily Evans back in second year. Regulus wouldn’t have even remembered exchanging gifts if it weren’t for the bracelet dangling from his wrist as he walks down Muggle London and dodges those rectangular objects on a pitch black road in the pitch black night.
Well, I pawned the earrings that you gave me. Golden metal flowers dangling
Of course the only reason Regulus Black is walking down Muggle London is because of James Potter. He would do this in Knockturn alley, but what would he say?
“Hello, I want to pawn this non-magical bracelet that I got from James Potter, Thanks, Bye!”
No, he would have to go to a…Muggle ‘Pawn Shop’. He of course would never seek out anything muggle on his own accord, but he wanted to get rid of this bracelet. He wanted to get rid of it, but he couldn’t stand the thought of throwing it away or destroying it. No No, it was too special. Too sentimental.
And I almost cried as I sold them off
He finally made it to the dingy place that was the muggle pawn shop. As he entered, he saw men and women alike. He saw clothing racks and instruments that looked worn-out. As he made his way up to the Man working, he was internally panicking. He had never dealt with Muggle Money before, and certainly had never even spoken to a muggle before.
He took a moment to collect himself before he popped up to the counter.
“Sir, I would like to pawn this golden bracelet here”.
The man chucks the brown cylinder that was emitting smoke onto the ground before looking Regulus in the eyes and grabbling the bracelet from his hands, inspecting it closely.
“I’ll give ya’ 10 pounds for this ‘ere, it’s nothing special.”
Regulus felt suddenly defensive. Who does this man think he is? Why on earth would he say that something James Potter got him was something not special?
Regulus let the melancholic wave pass into him instead of over him, and uncharacteristically fumbled with shaky hands, handing over the un-familiar Muggle money into the employee's hand. He felt water build up into his eyes, but let his years of practicing hiding things shield him. The employee in return gave Regulus a piece of paper that confused him greatly, but he doesn’t care about Muggles enough to ponder over it.
And I don’t mind livin’ on bread and oranges, no, no. But I got to get to get to and from where I come, And it’s gon’ take money to go
Regulus numbly walks out of the shop and slithers across the street like the snake Sirius called him after he refused to follow him to the Potters.
Sirius.
Regulus’s brother and so-called protector.
What a great protector he turned out to be, but no- that’s not fair for him to say. He’s glad that Sirius escaped, but that doesn’t mean he’s happy for him. He’s resentful and hurt, but at least now Regulus is getting the brunt that Sirius got for 14 years before he packed up and left for James. Regulus thinks he would leave for James too, but he can’t. That would mean putting James at risk. Something Regulus could never do in a million years. Regulus would leave if he knew it would be safe for everyone he loves, but unfortunately that’s not how life works for him. It’s his built up karma after all these years, he supposes.
In the name of higher consciousness, I let the best man I knew go.
No man can keep me together, been broken since I was born
Regulus tried to block everything out around what he would call the “Golden age” of his life. He knows this isn’t healthy, but since when has anything in his life been healthy? It never has and it never will.
Regulus will do anything to make sure James is safe, even if that means letting him go. Though, was he letting James go- or freeing him? Regulus would like to think of the first option, but he knows deep down it’s the second.
He keeps walking down the road while thoughts swirl around him in a purple hazy fever dream, and he can’t help but think that James is objectively the best person he has ever met or encountered and glanced upon across the great hall. He is caring, wonderful, and hilarious if you are in the right headspace for it. Regulus usually wasn’t, but for James, and only for James, would he make an exception.
James tried to talk him into following him to the Potters, Regulus suddenly recalls. Tried to even save him. He should've known that Regulus’s fate was besotted onto him as soon as Sirius was sorted into the lion's den. Should’ve known that nothing would last.
Regulus makes his way inside Grimmauld Place and for the first time in years gets a sleepless warm dream of the sun and the stars being able to live together and see each other, even though it’s not how the world was built up to be.
Well, I didn’t know it would come to this but that’s what happens when you're on your own, and you’re alright with letting nice things go..
It’s been a year since Regulus Black was forced to drop out of his seventh year in favor of the dark lords' cause. But more importantly, it’s been two years since Regulus had stopped visiting James Potter on the astronomy tower every night. Two years since Regulus had gotten the dark mark in an act of survival. A year since Regulus pawned the last part of his sun to a Muggle Man who he never saw again. A month since he was drowned by the inferi and his last thought was about the man he would always love, the man that could have fixed him, if only in another life.