PT. 2 - regulus
PT.2 REGULUS
"And that's why muggles have to drive instead of apparating."
Regulus sighed. He was wasting his time. Muggle studies. Who in their right mind would study muggle habits? It was completely useless! Regulus found himself regretting his change of classes. Maybe he should have kept study of Ancient Runes for his fourth year. In all honesty, the only reason Remus picked muggle studies was to test his parent's limits. So stupid. He thought they would have brushed it over after a few weeks, but no, two months into the year and still no word from the Black house. Reggie sure was glad Hogwarts was a sleepaway school – if he had to spend an other summer hiding in Dorcas' basement, he would have lost it.
Lost in his family thoughts, Regulus wondered about Sirius. After he left, there was nobody to call out the unfair parenting or stupid ideology. Regulus was left alone and scared with more pressure on his shoulders than there ever was. The big house full of portraits and staircases felt empty and lonely. So did he. He heard through rumors that he was now living at James Potter's house. Sirius didn't even tell him, his brother. He had to hear it from a whisper in the halls! That's how he understood that when his brother left his parents, he also left Regulus.
That night, Regulus decided he'd had enough. He picked up his quill, grabbed a paper and wrote to his parents. He wrote about Sirius, which they hadn't talked about since he was erased from the family tree. He wrote about his loneliness, that he never felt loved by anyone. He wrote about Gryffindors, because honestly, they weren't that bad, some of them were actually quite nice. He wrote about his stupid pure-blood inbred family. He wrote about what he learned in muggle studies. He wrote about all the things that had been in his mind since Sirius wasn't there to complain about it himself. When he was done, he didn't read over his letter: he just closed it and headed straight for the owlery.
He wasn't thinking as he walked through the halls. He just walked, and walked and walked. He gave his letter to an owl and continued his angry walking. It was only when he was on his way the stairs of the owlery that something burst his bubble. Not something: someone. James Potter. Of course it had to be him. He could have bumped into 1,000 other pupils, but no, it had to be the "kind soul" that welcomed "poor innocent Sirius Black" into his house.
"Sorry, Regulus, I didn't see you! Are you okay?"
The first thing that went through his mind was "why is he calling me Regulus? We aren't friends." It was only at that moment Regulus realised he fell down ass first on the floor covered in straw, owl droppings, and regurgitated mice skeletons. A wave of disgust rushed through his bones. He felt stupid and lonely and ridiculous, but when he looked up and saw James Potter and his worried eyes, he felt angry. "No, Potter, I'm not fucking okay! Can't you see I'm full of owl poop?" yelled Reggie as he was getting up. "I'm really starting to wonder if God hates me! I can't go one fucking day without seeing something that reminds me of him!"
"Of... God?" Asked an anxious James, not knowing how to react.
"No, of Sirius! My brother! The one who left me all alone in that stupid house! He didn't even look back! He was soo glad to leave our horrible, horrible house with its horrible, horrible people! Does he even think about us anymore? He stopped talking to me! He stopped looking at me!"
James looked at him with watery eyes. He opened his mouth like he was about to say something, but closed it right after. Regulus wasn't half done. He didn't have anything else to say, but his anger was so intense he stopped trying to put words on it and was just focused on yelling, as loud as he could, hoping someone would realise he was suffering.
"And YOU! James Potter, such a nice guy! Such a good friend! I bet he tells you all the bad things that happened "over there". I bet he told you about all the scars he has and all the trauma living with us caused! I bet he unloaded all his problems on you! Aren't you an angel for understanding him? YOU STOLE HIM FROM ME! It was ME he would talk to! It was me! And now he has you and he doesn't need me anymore. Well, guess what, I still need him!"
His throat hurt. He yelled his voice away, and he still had so many things he wanted to scream about. After a few silent seconds, there was a noise from the stairs: someone was going towards the owlery. "fuck, " muttered Regulus when he saw the long black hair his brother was so proud of.
Time stopped. Sirius hadn't looked at Regulus directly in the eyes since he left. Now that he had, Regulus wished he could erase it from his memory. Sirius' grey eyes held so much pain, so much emotion, so many tears. But they also held hope. Acceptance. Troubled peace. Regulus looked deep inside his brother's mesmerizing gaze. He wanted to say something, to tell him that he missed him or that he hated him for leaving. "Reggie", started Sirius. Reggie. Hearing his nickname from the person he desperately missed should have made him feel good. It didn't. Instead, everything he'd done in the past hour hit him like a train. He realised he sent a letter to his parents that could very well endanger his place in the Black family. He realised he was full of bird poop. He realised he yelled at James Potter everything that was wrong in his life. He realised Sirius heard everything.
So he ran from them.