year 1, chapter 2 - The wolf and the Boy
year 1, chapter 2: Remus
Pain. Pain,Pain Pain Pain Pain.
It rips through his body as his joints regrow in odd ways.
A burning fire is what he is transformed into.
After all, is this not what the monster deserves? If he kills, is he not also required to feel the pain of death?
But alas, death will not hit. Death never comes, merely sits on the edge of the room. Silently waiting, whilst knowing he will never take this boy. Boy? Death isn't quite sure what this creature is. It was a boy, but now, now it is turning into something else. Something not right, something wicked. Wicked? Is it wicked if death has never collected from him?
This beast has never caused pain on any but itself. Is that only because of the cage that it's trapped in, or because of something deeper that lives in the soul of it's mangled body? Death doesn't know. All it knows, is that this thing tries to leave, he wants to run free. He wants to find his pack. It is out there somewhere. Every wolf has a pack. The question is merely where is this ones?
*******
The wolf looks around this cage he is in. It is familiar to him, but not comfortable.
He senses the dark presence in the corner, but as it has no physical form, the wolf pays it no mind.
This dark room has held him for many nights. He tries and tries and tries to break free, but nothing helps. The wolf simply just wants to be free. He wants to run and hunt and feel the wind against his coat, and to find his pack. He feels them out there, although their scent is tainted.
The wolf runs his shoulder against the door of the cage again, and again, and again, and again. Reaching for the freedom he can smell, but not quite touch. He feels the pain burst through him, but he doesn't pay it heed, because he must leave this place no matter the cost.
stop, it hurts. The voice seems to say. It is always there, that distant part. But the wolf cannot listen. If he does, then how will he ever make it back to his moon?
His mother calls to him. The wolf can feel it in every fiber of his soul. He must go home, to her. She wants to see him, and to hear him sing. It has been too long since she has laid eyes on her child. She tells him of his disobedience, and asks why he refuses to see her. Does the wolf not long for her the way she, the moon, longs for him?
The wolf cannot answer, for he is so distraught. Of course he loves her. He just can't find her. He turns his bite on himself. He must return to her, whether in this form, or the next. He claws at his skin, unable to fill the need for blood in his mouth. He feels release as it hits him, however wrong it may taste it is simply what he needs. STOP NOW. This time, it is harder to resist. He turns his eyes to where the sky should be instead.
And as his mother cries for him, he joins her. He tells her of his sadness of missing her, and of his longing to be near. He shows her how deeply he cares. A mournful melody escapes him, as he waits for the harmonies to join his voice. They never come. The wolf sings alone.
As he turns his eyes to the sky, His joints finally snapping fully, regrowing in some strange way,
The wolf howls.
*******
Remus can do nothing but scream as his bones grow back to his human form. He vaugely remembers looking down at his leg, and seeing a wretched gash stretching the length of it. There is blood in his eyes. He reaches for the washcloth he placed on the edge of the cage, but finds it torn to shreds. He can do nothing but lie down and wait, for the horrors of his life in this one to begin.
Remus awakes with his mother leaning over him. They must have moved him to his room, because a ray of sunshine is streaking across the bed.
When he looks at his mothers face he doesn't see worry, but more annoyance.
"This one must have been a nasty night." she remarks, while pouring rubbing alcohol over his legs. His parents refuse to take him to a healer, so his mother does it all herself. Of course, seeing as she's a muggle, she does it all without magic. After cleaning the wound, she grabs her needle and starts sewing the cut back together. Remus really sees no need for this seeing as his father will simply give him a new wound when he sees him next.
Remus doesn't respond, because really, what can he say? Yes mother it really was awful tearing myself apart, instead of having father do it for me. Or, Yes mother thank you for your concern, but I can't help but wonder where that goes when your husband turns his wand on your only child?
So instead he simply nods his head. She takes this as answer enough and quickly gathers her things. But as she turns to walk out of his room, she tells him something that will change the course of his life forever, although he doesn't know it yet.
"Be sure to clean up quick Remus dear, there is someone here who would like to speak with you." And with that she firmly closes the door to his room.
*******
Remus hasn't a clue who might want to see him, except for maybe someone who will take him away. after all, he really wouldn't be that surprised if his parents had him "put down" as his father often threatened. Because of course, it couldn't be considered murder, since Remus wasn't human. With this thought, his anxiety only kept growing. truly though, would it really be terrible for his miserable life to end? He hasn't had much of one since being bitten 8 years ago.
As Remus walked down the hall to his fathers study, he hears loud voices being raised. "Hope, they want to send him to a school with children - Children! You really think they'll be able to stop the beast from hurting one of them? Its simply too dangerous." This came from the one and only, Lyall Lupin. Remus' sad excuse for a father. a school? Remus thought he must've heard wrong.
"But just think dearest! They say they can keep the other children safe, and really, it would be good for the boy to get away, and experience something of a life. after all Dumbledore wouldn't risk his students. If he says it's safe who are we to disagree?" this was his mother, hope. Remus really was surprised to hear her standing up to his father.
Although Remus had planned to continue listening to them talk, he was interrupted by a small cough coming from the next room. Remus poked his head around the door frame and saw an old man sitting in a chair, snacking on a sweet.
"Why hello there," the man, Dumbledore Remus assumed, said nicely. "You must be Remus."
Remus quickly calculated the proper response and came up with a stilted "yes."
"Well then, please sit down. I think we have quite a bit to discuss." Remus did so, but he sat slightly rigid, still not sure what to expect from this conversation.
"You may have heard of a school called Hogwarts. This is a school of magic." Dumbledore explained. "We take students starting at age eleven, and teach them how to wield magic, and how to properly handle their magical abilities. Your father has already confirmed you have these abilities, and I would like to offer you a place starting next term." Dumbledore finished.
Remus's initial reaction was one of great excitement, but that bubble quickly popped. "Sir," he started hesitantly, "I'm not sure if it would be best for me to come to your school. Wouldn't I be living with other students? Well, see, I have a bit of a condition that might make me dangerous to other people." He concluded.
Dumbledore however, seemed not alarmed, but instead rather amused.
"Remus, I wouldn't have offered you a place at Hogwarts had i thought you were dangerous. I am well aware of your, condition, and have gone to certain measures to prevent any harm coming to other students. The fact of the matter is, you are a magical child, and I want to teach you how to wield this magic properly." Dumbledore explained kindly.
Remus still wasn't convinced. Because he was dangerous. And if he got loose he might hurt, or even kill someone. "What measures? And my fathers alright with this?" Remus found that very difficult to believe. His father told him every day what a monster he was, and how he was dangerous, and absolutely, unequivocally, not human.
"I will explain more about what measures we have put in place if you accept your spot, and your father has been convinced this would be the best for your welfare."
Remus decided he had no choice but to believe this man, especially because he wasn't sure how much longer he could live with his father. So with his mind made up he told Dumbledore,"I'll come. If you're sure i won't be a danger to anyone else, I'll come." And with this a great sense of relief flooded him.
"Wonderful!" Dumbledore declared.
"There is however, one thing i must make very clear. Many people think that people with your ailment are not human. If certain members of you classmates found out about you, there is a great chance that i will not be able to keep you enrolled. All that to say, be careful in whom you trust. " and with that, Dumbledore rose from his seat, and went to talk to Remus's parents about the details of his education. Remus truly couldn't believe his luck. He was leaving this wretched house. His father wouldn't hurt him anymore. He was to have a new home, and maybe even a new family.
*******
When Remus arrived at Hogwarts he couldn't believe his luck. This castle was more than he ever expected or believed to be his life. However, he really wasn't sure how many friends he could, or would, have.
Because no matter what Dumbledore told him, Remus knew he was a monster. What human has ever turned into a wolf on every full moon? He could answer that question with absolute honesty.
Not. A. One.
Remus followed the rest of the first years into the great hall, nervous to find which house he would be sorted in. When he saw the hat that was to sort him his nerves grew even more. What if the hat couldn't sort him at all, since it couldn't figure out what he was. Or what if his house mates figured out what he was, and he had to leave after one month of being here?
Remus didn't have much time to ponder this question, because before he knew it, his name was being called.
"Lupin, Remus." McGonagall said.
Did she know what he was? Had he missed a hint of disgust in her voice? after all, if she did know, there was no way she would've read his name the same way she read all the others. No, she simply must not know he was a wherewolf. Remus refused to think that word.
These were the thoughts that pounded through his head as he walked towards the stool. And then quickly, without a moment to back out, the hat was placed firmly onto his head.
Hello There. Oh my, my , my.
I've not seen a head like yours In many, many moons.
Well, this is intriguing. But where are you best suited?
It is tricky, with this darkness in the corner.
But does it really belong to YOU Remus.
No, you have something seperate.
A bravery and strength I've seen In many from Gryffindor.
Just look at the scars on your body and mind.
You can handle very much and do not back away from the fear, but you overcome it.
Yes, you certainly belong to:
And the hat called out "Gryffindor."
*******
When Remus sat down at a table with his fellow Gryffindor first years, he felt a sense of extreme happiness. There were nine of them, all together. Two boys, James and Sirius. They were quite wild, and already attached to each other. Remus had to admit he was slightly Jealous. Both boys had dark hair, and were very dashing. They were also obviously from great money, just judging from the state of their robes.
sitting next to James was a slightly pudgy boy, named Peter. They had apparently grown up together, and were neighbors back home. There were five girls, Marlene Mckinnon, Mary Macdonald, Alice Prewett, and Emmeline vance. The last one was sitting next to Remus, and was trying very hard to ignore James and Sirius. Her name was Lily Evans. She had the reddest hair Remus had ever seen, not that he had much experience meeting people.
Peter Pettigrew was the first person to address Remus directly.
"Why've you got so many scars?" he asked brazenly. Remus thought this to be a little amusing and let out a little snort.
He only realized this might not be a proper response when he noticed the rest of them had stopped talking and were looking at him slightly funny.
"Well," he said clearing his throat, " I guess I play a little rough sometimes." He said with a shrug. Truthfully, there could've been two responses to the question. Either one: Well peter, you see, I have a bit of a problem that causes me to tear myself to pieces every full moon, or, Two: My father beats me because of said problem which i can't control.
Most of his classmates seemed to accept this response, except for Sirius Black who was still looking at him with a doubtful expression on his face.
Remus was pulled out of his thoughts when Professor McGonagall came up to their table.
"Remus," she said, "Professor Dumbledore would like to meet with you to explain some things. If you would please follow me."
Not leaving him much choice, Remus grabbed his bag and with a little wave to his classmates, stalked off with professor McGonagall.
When he looked back at his table, he saw Sirius still looking at him with an odd expression of confusion on his face.
*******
After his meeting with Professor Dumbledore, Remus was feeling slightly less confident in his chances of staying at this school. Number 1, he truly didn't have much of a solid excuse for why he would be disappearing every full moon. Number 2, while he was sure the shack they had built had many wards to keep people out, he wasn't sure how well it would keep him in.
These were the thoughts he was having as he walked, slightly lost, back to Gryffindor tower. He hadn't expected to meet anyone on his way back, but apparently he was mistaken.
"Sev, I'm sure it'll be fine, they really aren't that bad, i mean sure they're pricks but it'll be okay." He heard someone pleading. He knew he had heard the voice before, but couldn't quite place it.
"Not that bad?" a second voice asked incredulously. "Lily, didn't you hear what they were saying on the boat? They're awful, and full of themselves, and they might hurt you!" the person, Sev, Remus was assuming, countered.
"I really do appreciate your concern, but i can handle myself." Lily said firmly.
Remus decided he was done listening to them argue and turned the corner of the hall.
"What are you doing here?" Sev snarled.
"I think i could say the same to you." said Remus, turning his nose down on him. Remus truly was very tall for 11, and towered over him by several inches.
"Oh, hello Remus! Lay off Sev, this is just Remus, one of my house mates." lily smiled at him. Snape just grunted, and turned his attention back to Lily.
"Hullo Evans, don't you think we ought to get to our common room now?" Remus asked her smiling back.
"quite right, goodnight Severus, see you tomorrow." She said while grabbing Remus's arm with her own. Remus didn't miss the glare Snape shot him as they walked away together.
The pair walked quite awhile in a slightly awkward silence until Remus decided to start up a conversation.
"So are your parents wizards?" he asked her, not quite sure if that was a question of substance, but curious none the less.
"No, I'm a muggleborn. But I still know all about magic because Sev taught me. We grew up together, me and Sev. Of course, he grew up in a magical family so we weren't really in the same environment, but it didn't matter because he explained everything, and told me about Hogwarts, and all the houses and-" she stopped suddenly at a portrait of a fat lady. "Oh, here we are." she chirped.
"erm, right, care to tell me where that is?" he asked slightly confused.
"Oh don't be silly Remus, the common room of course." And she stated the word nyphillius, and suddenly the portrait swung open, to reveal a room full of bright red and orange, and students saying their cheerful hellos.
*******
As Remus walked up the doors to the first year's boy dorms, he was met with quite a confusing sight. James was sitting on Sirius who was laying on peter, who was holding a large bag of sweets away from the both of them. All together it was almost impossible to distinguish who's limb was who's. The wrestling came to an abrupt stop, however, as Remus entered the dormitory.
"Hullo there Remus, mind just nipping that bag from peter do you?" James smiled cheerfully. Remus complied, though still very confused. Peter was letting out smothered moans that sounded somewhat along the lines of, "keep your dirty paws off my sweets," but who could say with Sirius muffling his words.
As Remus looked around the room, he couldn't help but notice just how small his trunk was in comparison to the others. His parents weren't poor, but they just simply believed in frugality. If Remus didn't need it, he wouldn't be getting it. So it was that all of his robes were second hand, as well as his books, as well as even his trunk. The only thing that was new was his wand, and that expense was covered by the stool. All this to say, there was a distinguishable difference between the other three boys and Remus.
The boys finally released poor peter and turned to face Remus.
"So what did Dumbledore want to talk for?" Black asked Remus.
"Oh you know, the boring things. Telling me about the school and what the rules are, and if I don't follow them what the consequences would be." Remus explained. This obviously wasn't true, but he couldn't tell them about the willow.
"Why would he do that? Didn't your parents tell you all that stuff?" James asked him, with a small baffelled expression on his face.
Remus didn't know what his parents should or shouldn't have done, so he merely shrugged and grabbed his pajamas to change into. He started to pull of his shirt, but wanted to avoid anymore questions about his scars, so he decided to head to the bathroom to change instead.
"What's the matter Remus, scared to change in front of us?" Sirius mocked, noticing his hesitation. Remus truly didn't have an excuse so he just nodded solemnly and continued his trek to the bathroom. When he emerged, freshly cleaned and dressed for bed, the boys were playing exploding snap.
"care to join?" James asked, always looking to include. But Remus decided he better not, and instead went to his bed and closed the curtains, His thoughts firmly on how in the world he would keep his secret from these boys.