Family
The Slytherin dorm rooms were more like home to Regulus than his real home ever was. Barty immediately flopped onto his bed and sighed. “I missed being here,” said Barty.
Regulus looked at the room, and recalled all the memories he had made within those four walls. When he, Evan and Barty first met in this very room, they all despised each other. Regulus still remembered how his two best friends used to fight every day, and now look at them.
Best friends that shared a bond so strong, it could never be broken.
In his friends, Regulus found a home. A family. And although Regulus never said it, he loves his friends and would die for them without hesitation.
But sometimes his friends were annoying. It was mostly Evan and Barty that got on his nerves. For one, the two Slytherin boys like each other. Yet neither of them wanted to admit it. And as their best friend, Regulus had to endure countless of rants.
“Do you think Barty likes boys?” Evan had cornered Regulus into a corner in their dorm and asked Regulus that question. Regulus specifically remembered Evan groaned and buried his face in his hands. “Ugh, this is so painful. Could you ask him for me?”
Regulus had frowned. “Ask what?”
“Ask Barty if he is gay.”
“I would rather kiss the giant squid in the lake.”
“Please Reg. I need to know… Not knowing is so painful.”
“Me watching you fall for him and you not telling him how you feel is painful.”
Evan was more open about his feelings for Barty than Barty was about his feelings for Evan. But it was understandable. Considering how Barty had a sexuality crisis everyday.
“I don’t know if I’m gay.. Am I gay? I have no idea,” Barty had said as he paced up and down the dorm room.
Dorcas was in the room during this conversation and she gladly imputed her opinion. “Well you look like a boy kisser,” she had said with a blank expression as she continued to read the book in her hands.
Barty had stopped in his tracks. “Not helping, Dorcas,” Barty frowned. He then turned to Regulus and asked: “Do I really look like a boy kisser?”
Despite Regulus’ relief to be away from home and back in the dorm room with his best friends, he did dread having to hear Evan and Barty rant about each other. If only Dorcas could stay with them. Life would be much easier if she did.
Lessons would begin the next day and for the first time, Regulus wished he could stay in his dorm and forgo attending lessons. The only subject he liked was Astronomy. Mainly because Astronomy was a beautiful subject and because Regulus was named after a star.
“Barty, get off my bed,” Evan said, folding his arms.
“But you always have the middle bed, why can’t I get it for once?” Barty pouted.
Regulus watched as the two lovers who did not yet know they were lovers continued to bicker over who would have the middle bed, and wondered how he was going to survive another year of being the third wheel.
***
The next day as Regulus strolled through the halls of Hogwarts during his break, he stumbled across several couples snogging in the corridors, at the stairs and even in a broom closet. He instantly took off points from their houses as punishment. Bloody couples, Regulus cursed mentally.
When he later joined his friends in the Great Hall, Regulus did not speak a word. “I heard you took points off Davis Morrin and his girlfriend. Is it true?” Evan asked excitedly as he stuffed himself with steak.
“Wait, Davis Morrin as in the one from our House and the one on the Quidditch team? That Davis Morrin? Oh my, he’s going to go after you, Reg,” Dorcas remarked.
“Let him try,” said Regulus, his face expressionless.
“Our Reg is getting bolder. I like it,” Barty grinned.
Then, a loud burst of laughter pierced through the air. Regulus’ attention immediately went in the direction of the noise. His eyes darkened when he realised the laughter came from his brother’s group of friends, the Marauders.
Sirius was laughing with his friends: the whole Gryffindor gang. What they were all laughing out, Regulus did not care. He grimaced and shifted his attention back to his food. What a bunch of idiots, Regulus thought. But even though he was not looking at them, Regulus could still hear their booming laughter and it echoed throughout his mind, repeating consistently like a broken recorder. Regulus tightened his grip on his fork, and he held it so tightly that his knuckles turned white and his palm hurt.
Barty noticed this and stopped eating, placing down his cutlery. “Reg, stop,” Barty insisted. “Ignore them. Shut them out.”
The way Barty said it made it sound so bloody easy, but it wasn’t. Things have never been easy for Regulus. It was a word that just wasn’t in his vocabulary.
Regulus stood up abruptly. His friends’ eyes all went to him. Regulus avoided meeting their gaze. “I’m leaving. Lost my appetite,” he muttered. Without another word, he left the Great Hall, trying his best to pretend people’s eyes weren’t boring into his back.
Regulus did not know where his legs were guiding him. His head was hung low, his eyes watery and his heart was in his throat. The portraits on the wall whispered as he walked by.
“Is he crying?”
“Poor boy.”
“What ever happened to him?”
The Slytherin made his way to the Prefect’s bathroom where he would be left alone and away from prying eyes. Tears threatened to fall, and sobs begged to be released. Regulus had never cried in front of someone before and he was not going to start now. He leaned against a cold stone wall and slid down until he reached the even colder floor. Everything became muffled. There was a ringing in his ears that would not stop and it felt like a thousand drums were banging inside his head.
Regulus pulled his knees up to his chest and rocked himself gently as he allowed his tears to flow down his cheeks. He leaned his head against the wall and hit his head repeatedly. It hurt. But it hurt so good. There was a shudder in his chest, as if his heart wanted to escape, to flee his body. Black spots swarmed before his eyes.
He thought of Sirius. Sirius with his annoying hair that flowed so nicely. Sirius with his insufferable laughter that stung Regulus’ ears. Sirius with his stupid Marauder and Valkyrie friends. Especially his Marauder friends: James Potter, Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin. Those three boys had become Sirius’ family. His source of comfort and love.
They were all Sirius cared about. It was obvious. Sirius never looked at Regulus with such adoration and pride like he always did with his James, Remus and Peter. He never jokes around with Regulus like he does with them. Sirius doesn’t even bother to say hello. Let alone ‘I love you’.
It was pitiful how Regulus still craved his brother’s love and approval after all these years of them being distant from one another. Yet it was predictable.
In James, Remus and Peter, Sirius found a family.
A real family.
One question that had been left unanswered for years, resurfaced in Regulus’ mind.
Am I not his family too?