“James! Stop! You’re being too much!” Amanda shouted, pushing James back from his hug.
James wasn’t understanding at all what was happening. He was just trying to be the best boyfriend that he could ever be. He brought her girlfriend flowers every day, he asked Remus if he could teach him to write poetry so he could write romantic poems for her girlfriend. He cuddled at every occasion with her. He prepared the best and most elaborated dates. And even with all of that he was still doing something wrong.
All his girlfriends left him for different reasons but they all used the same argument “You are too much and you never leave me space.” And that’s everything, every time it happens he enters a spiral of darkness in which he wonders what is wrong with him. And it always comes to the same result, no one will ever love him because he is too obsessed with doing things well and being perfect for others.
It’s just that, he has grown up in a home where love was the most important part of his life and he doesn't know what he would do without it, so he takes advantage of any moment to share all that love he has inside. When his best friend told him about his situation at home, he couldn't believe that someone's parents didn't love their children, his head couldn’t realize it. James believes that every human being, no matter how horrible their actions are, deserves to be loved by someone.
So, when he shows love to his girlfriends and they just refuse it, he doesn’t understand why wouldn’t they want to be loved by him. He’s like a machine of love, he produces and produces, and somehow, he needs to give it away. Sometimes he gives it to his lovely parents who accept it, but they already have too much between them, he also gives love to his friends, every friend of his, closest friends, old friends, home friends, school friends, everyone. As a type of person, you could tell that James just loves giving love to people, even when they don’t give it back.
His current scene is, as it always ends up happening, his girlfriend breaking up with him.
“What am I doing wrong Amanda? I want to be better! Please tell me!” James begged at Amanda “I really want to make things work between us. I care about you so much, you know that!”
“That’s the problem James! You care too much, all the time.”
“But I always try to be a good boyfriend…”
“James, you’re so intense. You smother me with affection. It’s like you’re constantly trying to be the perfect boyfriend, but it’s overwhelming. I need space, James. I need a room to breathe.”
“But I’m just trying to show you how much I love you. I thought that was what you wanted.”
Amanda took a step back. “James, I do appreciate your love, but it’s drowning me. I need you to understand that I’m an individual with my own life and my own needs. I need time with my friends, my family, and even just time alone to reflect it.”
“But..” James' voice trembled, he understood that she wanted to spend time with her friends and family, he himself would be nothing without them. But he didn't understand why he was being too much, he simply wanted someone to give love to, but it seemed like Amanda didn't want it.
“Look, I think we should end this, it’s not going to work.” And without further ado, grabbing her things, Amanda left the room as if she were just another stranger.
And usually the days after that, he would go a lot to the astronomy tower, he sometimes would find a black haired boy there, today was one of those nights. He was standing near to the railing, illuminated by moonlight, he looked so quiet. On a clear night like that one, the stars seemed closer than ever, as if they were willing to reveal their secrets to those who ventured to look at them.
“Hey” Regulus said with a soft voice, noticing his presence. “I’ve heard what happened, I’m sorry.”
James approached him, drawn by the magnetic pull of Regulus’ quiet understanding. As he neared the railing, Regulus turned to face him, and without hesitation, he opened his arms in invitation. James didn’t hesitate either, he stepped into that welcoming embrace and Regulus wrapped his arms securely around James’ waist.
In that moment, James felt the world outside fade away, it was just the two of them, standing in the moonlight, surrounded by a comfortable silence. The warmth of Regulus’ arms was the best feeling he had ever felt, because he knew that he wasn’t a big fan of hugs, and there he was. He rested his head on Regulus’ shoulder, letting out a heavy sigh.
“Thanks for being here.” James whispered, his voice barely above a murmur. It was a simple phrase, but it held the weight of his gratitude for Regulus’ unwavering support during this dark time.
“It’s fine, everything will be alright” And after hearing those words James tightened the hug.
When they finally broke apart after what seemed like years, they both leaned on the railing next to each other, so close their hands could almost touch.
“Do you see that? That’s the North Star, it always points to the north. It’s like the lighthouse of the stars.” James blurted out, trying to start a conversation on a normal topic, distract himself and forget what had just happened, pointing towards the night sky.
Regulus, with his serious expression, followed the direction of James’ finger. “It’s amazing, Potter. I had never noticed it before.”
James smiled for the first time that night, he enjoyed when Regulus was sarcastic, and he was pleased to have captured Regulus’ attention again.
“Do you enjoy stargazing?” James asked, his voice carrying a hint of curiosity.
Regulus nodded, his eyes fixed on the night sky. “Yes, I’ve always found a certain beauty in them, even with my family thing. But I think I prefer thinking about the sun.”
James nodded as well, he understood why Regulus preferred the sun, it simply brought light to the days and illuminated his thoughts. But there was something about the stars that made James unable to look away from them, including the star standing next to him.
A comfortable silence settled between them, but without the distraction of conversation, James' thoughts came back to Amanda. “You know, Reggie? I think I'm not good enough to deserve love.”
“Why would you ever say that?! I think, of all the people I know, you’re the one who more deserves it.”
“That’s not true.” a disheartened James said. “I will never fall in love with anyone. The universe doesn’t want it to happen.”
“Of course you will! I’m pretty sure any person in any universe would be lucky to be loved by you. It feels like rain.”
“I don’t like rain.”
“I love rain.”
And for the fourth time that night, silence returned. The secrets floated in the air and they simply had to raise their hands to collect them.
“I just think that no one will ever love me in a romantic way.”
“And I think that you’re such a dork, and that it’s not like too much love could kill people.”
“Maybe it could.”
“You’re being pessimistic, stop, now.”
“Maybe this is the new me.”
“Maybe I will let too much love kill me.”
James' head immediately turned in surprise. “What did you just say?”
“God, you’re so fucking dumb.” And in a movement so fast that not even James could see, Regulus placed his hands on James’ face and dragged him towards his head until their lips met. And that was it, James finally found the feeling he was looking for.