fourteen
Fourteen felt a lot more like being a teenager than thirteen did. Maybe it was because it meant they were a whole year into it, maybe not. Regardless, Evan felt like he was immensely older than he had been last week.
They went to his Grandma’s place on time this year, thankfully. Barty was already there on the doorstep when they pulled in, sipping on a glass of something while having a – what appeared to be quite passionate – conversation with the older woman.
Evan stuck his head out the window as they pulled in. “Replacing me last year wasn’t enough?”
“We were just talking about you!” Barty called back, dimples forming when he beamed. “Took you long enough to get here,” He turned back to Evan’s Grandma, words growing more audible as the car rolled to a stop. “I don’t mean any offence by that, our conversation was plenty enlightening.”
Enlightening? Seriously?
The trunk popped open, signalling Barty to get off of the porch and grab something. It was their typical routine, if he was there when they pulled up. It was the same whenever they would leave. Evan was pretty sure Barty just wanted to stay every possible second , but he wasn’t going to complain about it.
“What am I, a workhorse?” Barty grabbed onto a bin full of snacks, sighing loudly.
Evan pulled out his and Pandora’s duffle bags, throwing them over his shoulder and heading into the house. “That’s a new one.”
Barty made some sort of noise that seemed remarkably close to a baby wailing behind him.
“What the hell was that supposed to be?” Pandora shoved past them, reaching into the bin as Barty set it on the counter. She dug through until she found a bag of crisps, tearing it open and walking off without another word.
—
During the first few weeks of summer, it was more common for Barty to be at his own house than at Evan’s. They never really talked about it, Evan could sense the topic should be avoided more than usual. He wasn’t one to push in the first place, not really anyway. Well, he could recognize when he didn’t want to know things, and that was when he wouldn’t probe into it.
On the few nights he was at Evan’s, he was always disturbingly quiet and clingy – clingier than usual, at least. Evan didn’t really mind it, he realised he slept better with Barty smushed against him in some way or another.
“Dear old dad wants me to get cosy with one of the Black girls,” Barty murmured after getting back one night, pushing his face into his pillow. He’d yanked open the window, ripped off his shoes, and slid right into bed. “Narcissa, I think.”
“Cosy? Like…” Evan whispered back, scrunching his face up. He was fairly certain Narcissa had a girlfriend, too.
“God, no,” Barty’s face reappeared, his eyes wide. “Well, probably eventually if things went his way. He wants me to court her. Like it’s the 1800’s or something. Stupid. She’s with what’s-her-name anyway. Doubt her parents know that, though.”
“Alice, I think.”
“Oh, yeah. Would never expect them together,” He blew at a strand of hair that had fallen into Evan’s eyes. “Look nice together and all, though.”
Evan never really paid much attention to them, when they were still at the school at least. They'd already graduated. He never really had a reason to talk to them, or for them to know him for that matter, but they always seemed happy when they happened to cross paths.
“What does he want you to even do? She’s a lot older than us,” He grimaced just thinking about the two of them together.
“Dunno. Just told me I need to marry someone respectable when I graduate.”
“When you graduate? We have like, four years left still.”
“That’s what I said! You can imagine how that went over,” Barty rolled his eyes. “I don’t think I have to go back the rest of the summer though, thank fuck. Reg and Sirius aren’t coming this year either, so there shouldn’t be any reason for me to.”
The Black family never failed to surprise Evan. This time, the issue was an exact repeat of what it was last year – when Sirius got caught at James’ place. Regulus told them his parents were going insane about it whenever they were home for breaks. Judging by the scars he had seen on Sirius in the locker room after a group practice one night, he tried his best to not think deeper about what ‘insane’ meant.
Evan sighed contentedly. “Good. I don’t like when you leave me here all alone.”
—
The creek wasn’t forgotten, but the lake was still the spot of choice. It was hard to not want to be there with the trampoline and volleyball court.
This year, Evan even gave in to playing volleyball alongside Barty and Xeno, who always teamed up with Dorcas. She got insanely tall over the school year which gave the two of them a completely unfair advantage.
“That’s cheating!” Barty shrieked, pointing accusingly at Dorcas and Xeno while swivelling his head back and forth.
“It’s not cheating,” Mary rolled her eyes from the sidelines. “You just don’t pay attention to the rules of the game.”
Evan shrugged, he wouldn’t be the one to know.
Lily was typing furiously on her phone next to Mary, looking at Barty when she lifted her gaze. “I hate to say it, but Crouch is right. It’s ‘illegal to take support of any structure or team member’, which includes lifting another player up.”
“Ha! Suck it!” Barty stuck his tongue out, switching his direction to point at Evan. “I vote point to Evs and I.”
Evan stuck a hand up, nodding. “I’m seconding that. Our serve, cheaters!”
“What ever happened to female solidarity?” Xeno walked around the net to shove the ball into Evan’s hands.
A chorus of voices rang out. “Xeno! Shut up!”
—
The girls were only there for a few weeks, just like last year, but this time they all declared a volleyball tournament during the last week. Emmaline, a girl who Evan didn’t know the slightest thing about, organised it all – saying it would be just like ‘March Madness’ in the United States. Whatever the hell that was.
Pandora and Dorcas were the best of the girls, long legs coming to their advantage, and Mary was a close runner up.
Xeno was by far the best out of him, Evan, and Barty. Evan decided to blame it on Xeno’s photographic memory, whining that he was cheating whenever he memorised different tricks to win.
A few random kids from throughout the neighbourhood would come and watch, all of them still being in grade school. The area was filled to the brim with retirees, so they were all people’s grand-kids. Sometimes they’d get nailed with a rogue ball and someone would be assigned to convince them to not tell on them, but otherwise they were pretty good audience members.
“Yes! Nice, Rosier!” Someone whooped from the sideline as Evan scored a point for his team. Even though Evan had complained about it last year, and basically ever since his friends started to notice other people in that manner, it did feel good to have fawning attention over him. He didn’t feel anything for any of them, but that didn’t mean he didn’t enjoy it.
Evan didn’t spare even a second to see who it was, focusing on where Xeno was tossing the ball up and down in preparation to serve. Somehow, his team managed to make their way into the ‘finals’. It was him, Barty, Mary, and Lily against Xeno, Pandora, Emmaline, and Marlene.
It wasn’t a very fair battle in the end, seeing as Evan’s team lost within the next few minutes. Nobody was to blame, Pandora’s team was full of sneaky shits.
“Good game, yeah?” Evan squatted and threw a water bottle towards Barty, but looked over at Xeno and Pandora while he spoke. “I still think that–”
“Don’t bring up the memory thing.”
“I–Whatever. I don’t trust your sportsmanship, Lovegood.”
—
Now You See Me 2 was released at the beginning of the summer, and finally came out on DVD just in time for camping night. Pandora joined them this year, having become equally obsessed with the first movie after she watched it at school.
Barty, once again, decided he’d become Jack Wilder, even though he had forgotten about his existence a week after the two of them watched the first movie. He swore he’d practise all school year, that it would be the perfect way to annoy people in the common room.
After getting nailed in the head with a few cards, Evan agreed it would do a fantastic job at that.
After the movie had ended, and they shared a disturbing amount of sun tea and smores between the three of them, they all settled into their sleeping bags of the night. Evan laid in the middle, with Barty on his right and Pandora on his left. Barty always slept, walked, and genuinely existed on his right side.
“You’ll be here next summer, right?”
Evan snorted. “Yep. Every summer.”
“Swear it?”
“Swear it.”
Pandora groaned from his left side, flopping over until she looked at the two of them as their fingers linked the in the air. “Why do you guys always do that? Can’t you think of something new?”
They both gaped. Barty’s face levelled completely, looking far more serious than Evan had seen him in months, “It’s tradition, we can’t just switch it up now.”
✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧
It was only a month into school before Barty practically skipped into their dorm, jumping up to land on his bed with a loud thud .
“Do you ever shut the fuck up?” Regulus looked up from his book. Evan rolled his eyes. “I’m trying to read.”
“I didn’t even say anything, you boob. Besides, I have great news!” Barty sat up, sticking his arms out behind him to lean on them. He sighed happily, looking up at the ceiling. “Snogged a girl from Ravenclaw.”
Evan looked up from his history essay abruptly, raising his eyebrows. The genuine surprise must have been overwhelmingly obvious on his face, because Barty quickly commented on it. “Oh, come on Evs. Don’t look so surprised, have you seen me?”
He’d seen Barty. Hell, he’d watched Barty grow up. He’d seen the baby fat around his body dissolve, the lanky awkward stages come and go, the lean muscles start to form and leak through his clothes.
Regulus stood up with his book in hand, heading for the door. “I’ve been looking at you nine months out of the year for the last several years. You aren’t very…” He paused and looked Barty up and down, “appealing.”
“Leave the man some dignity, Reg!” Evan mused, calling after Regulus just before the door slammed behind him.
He looked back over at Barty, who was staring right back at him.
What was he supposed to say now? None of them ever discussed their romantic plans, or whatever you should call them, before.
He decided to say what he always heard at the Slytherin table, even though it made him feel gross just saying it. “Well, was it any good?”
“No clue. I’ve never kissed anyone before. Have you?”
Suddenly, Evan felt overwhelmingly pressured to lie and say yes, but he didn’t. “Uh, no.”
“S’alright. We’ll get you a girlfriend this year,” Barty said, tossing a tennis ball up and down.
Evan didn’t want a girlfriend, not at all. He probably was supposed to want one, right? Everyone else in his year either had one or was wistfully crushing on someone. He should probably work on that. “I think I’m gonna go to bed.”
“What? Dinner was only, like, an hour ago,” The ball was caught mid-air and Barty looked over at him, narrowing his eyes as if he was trying to read Evan’s mind.
Evan really, really, really hoped he hadn’t suddenly become a mind reader overnight.
“Yeah, I know. Don’t feel that great…and I have an exam tomorrow.” There was no exam tomorrow.
“Exam? Fuck, did I forget about one?” He could hear Barty whispering to himself under his breath.
“It’s in a class you don’t take.”
“Oh, cool, good. Well, if you puke or something let me know. I’ll hold back your hair for you,” Barty practically batted his eyes towards Evan, snorting at himself before finding some other way to entertain himself.
After Evan got ready for bed and closed the curtains surrounding him, he almost felt like he wanted to tear up and couldn’t figure out why. It took hours for him to fall asleep that night.
—
A few days passed and Barty was dating her. The Ravenclaw. Sydney.
They were constantly all over each other and Evan thought it was disgusting.
It didn’t stop Barty at all from still climbing all over Evan, just never when she was in the room. Apparently she’d already complained about it to him – for whatever reason.
She was alright, though. Evan could see why Barty liked her, she was stereotypically attractive. Tanned skin, blonde hair, and decent enough grades to make her parents proud. She even was on a few of the sports teams.
He just didn’t like watching Barty practically mauling her in the Great Hall at seven in the morning. Sue him.
—
“Evan. Evan. Evan Rosier. Evan Felix Rosier.”
Evan blinked and furrowed his brow. “That’s not my middle name.”
Regulus scoffed, rocking a pen back and forth between two of his fingers. “Oh, so that’s what gets you to pay attention? You asked me to tutor you . If I had known I’d be chaperoning a staring session at the library I wouldn’t have agreed to this.”
Right. Studying. Evan looked back down at his notebook, finding the page relatively blank apart from a few scribbled numbers. Plenty helpful. “What’s ‘staring session’ supposed to mean?”
“Let’s use our context clues around us, yes? You were looking over my shoulder. Who’s behind me?”
Evan didn’t have to look to know who it was. So what if he was looking? Well, sure, it made him look like a freak, but it’s not like the two of them were being private about it. “They’re eating each other.”
“I know. I have eyes.”
“Are you hiding a set in your hair?”
“You’re inept,” Regulus stood up and started gathering all of his things into his arms. “I’m going back to the common room. If you still want help, you’ll follow me.”
After grumbling about it, Evan shoved all of his papers together and followed after Regulus. He’d nearly failed his last quiz in maths and Regulus just happened to be the top in the class, because of course he was.
—
Barty and Sydney broke up after three months. She walked in on him and Evan piled into the same bed and lost her mind, which Evan thought was ridiculous. Regulus was even lying next to them.
At least, he was pretty sure they broke up. He tried to not talk about her much and she never came around after that, so it was a safe assumption. Awfully dramatic.
—
Now that they were fourth years, even though they were both still fourteen, they were able to get into parties (that weren’t hosted by their own house) fairly easily. Slytherin parties were an automatic in, obviously.
Towards the last chunk of the school year, parties really ramped up. The head’s of the houses loosened up, so there were parties nearly every weekend, typically rotating so there was one in each house once a month.
Evan liked parties enough that he still had fun, but not enough that he craved them like Barty did. He usually only went if Barty dragged him along, or if Regulus agreed to go too.
He was fairly certain Barty just enjoyed everyone being all over each other and getting slipped firewhiskey every now and then. Evan wouldn’t deny the fire whiskey part of that, he wouldn’t exactly turn away the opportunity for the burn in his throat and warmth in his chest. Some nights, they’d both stumble back to their dorm in some variation of buzzed or just high enough to make them feel off. They always got caught by a head boy or girl before they got much further than that.
This night, Gryfinndor was hosting a party and Evan had gotten his hands on much more alcohol than he was used to. Everyone was deep in one of three activities: dancing, kissing, or yelling into each other’s faces to be heard over the music. For a second, Evan began to wonder if this was really the place a fourteen year old should be on a Saturday night.
Regardless, he was dancing somewhere in the room, a few of the other Slytherins staying in the general area. His limbs felt unbelievably heavy and honestly, he was getting to the point that he could go back to the dorm and slip into his bed without issue.
Yeah, that sounded like a brilliant plan.
He glanced around the room in search of either of his roommates, now becoming dedicated to going to sleep. Regulus was nowhere in sight. Neither was Pandora. They both probably left ten minutes into the party, running off to do whatever it was they even did together. That friendship still confused the shit out of Evan.
A few people bumped into him, making him stumble back to catch himself. His head swam. A very recognizable cackle rang out from his left, so he turned towards the noise and felt a wave of relief when he saw Barty. Now all he had to do was make it over there, say he’s heading back, and then he could go the fuck to sleep .
But Barty was busy. His hand was resting on the back of someone’s neck, his mouth pressed up against the person’s ear and moving quickly. Evan squinted, barely making out the shaved blond hair of another boy in their year – Charlie? That sounded right. Barty’s head tilted back as Evan very slowly began making his way closer.
Evan stared at his feet while he slithered through the crowd, doing his best to not trip over plastic cups and discarded paper plates. The disgusting floor was the exact reason that he despised when Slytherin was hosting. It took hours to clean everything up before they got in trouble for one reason or another. He kicked at a chunk of crushed plastic, nearly tripping when it slid out from beneath his foot. Just in case, he glanced around at the people near him to see if they noticed.
Evan still hadn’t kissed anyone. It honestly bothered him, being the only one in the group who still hadn’t. Well, nobody really knew what went on with Regulus, so maybe he wasn’t the only one. He never really wanted to, though. He didn’t look at someone and feel the undying urge to smash his face against theirs like his friends apparently did. Except when Evan looked up, and his eyes landed on Barty and Charlie shoved against a wall, his stomach lurched so hard he nearly had to press a hand over his mouth. His chest was burning hotter and hotter and holyshitholyshitholyshit .
The warmth of alcohol seemed to fade away and suddenly he didn’t want to go to bed anymore, in fact, he couldn’t even move. He stood there like a deer in headlights, staring. It was getting weird, he knew it was, but his brain wasn’t working in the least.
Someone slammed into his side and life resumed again. Evan’s hands pulsed by his side and his mind raced, trying to figure out why he suddenly felt so weird . He knew Barty liked guys too, that was fine. It wasn’t that.
At least he sure-fucking-hoped not, that would make him a terrible friend. A terrible person, at that.
But it wasn’t that, it wasn’t, it was something between a sick weight of envy and a horrible feeling of something akin to loneliness. That wasn’t right, though. What could he possibly be envious of?
Why did he feel lonely? He was in a room full of people.
—
Not to brag, but Evan was getting significantly better at football. It's always taken up a lot of his free time during the year, but now he was really pouring himself into it. The Slytherin coach even told him he should think about going pro after he graduated.
He couldn’t really imagine playing professionally. It seemed like a lot with the travelling and stress of it all, but the pay was nowhere near awful. If he got placed on a decent team, he’d only need to play for a few years before being set for a lavish life. And, well, he wouldn't mind being disgustingly wealthy.
So, he talked the scouts up whenever they came around. They always made a face when they found out his age, especially if they were the ones to initiate the conversation, but they didn’t necessarily seem turned away, which was enough for him.
—
At the last Ravenclaw party of the year, someone came up to Evan. They leaned their head to whisper something, hot breath tickling against his ear. He didn’t understand a single word they said, instead paying attention to the weight of their hand on his waist.
Staring blankly, he tried to figure out if he even knew who they were or not. It was the end of the night, he was practically stoned, faces were morphing together a bit.
He recognized her from history, her name was Ellie. They did a class project together earlier in the semester.
She tilted her head at him, pulling her cup up to her lips and sipping on it while resuming dancing with her lower half.
He leaned forward, putting his mouth next to her ear this time, “What’d you say?”
When he pulled away, she grabbed at his shirt to keep him close by. He raised his brows, their faces hovering near each other.
Ellie looked up at him. Her eyes were pretty, in the sun they were probably blue, but in the shitty common room lighting they looked grey. “I said I think you’re cute, Evan.”
“Oh,” He immediately blushed, biting onto his cheek. “Thank you.”
“Can I kiss you now?” What?
She was moving closer. He’d really gotten himself into this, hadn’t he? How do you even kiss someone?
“Uh, okay, I’ve actual–” She pressed her lips to his before he could get any further into telling her he’d never done this before, tugging him closer by the back of his neck. What the fuck was he supposed to do with his hands? When he’s seen other people kiss they always have their hands in each other's hair, so he did that.
He wasn’t particularly sure what to do with his lips either, for that matter. Ellie seemed to have some idea of what she was doing though, so he just tried to follow along. It was a little weird and he wasn’t completely sure if he liked it or not.
After a couple seconds Evan pulled away, sucking in a deep breath. He was incredibly relieved for it to stop, but tried to not show it on his face.
He took his hands out of her hair, apologising when one of his rings got caught on a strand.
It was Barty’s idea for him to wear a few rings, saying they made him look more ‘badass’. Evan just thought they made his fingers claustrophobic.
At the thought of Barty, his eyes darted over Ellie’s head in search of him. Unsurprisingly, Barty was sitting at the top of the stairs in conversation with someone. He glanced over at the same time and suddenly Evan’s stomach hurt.
“You’re a good kisser, Rosier,” She was yelling now, attempting to be heard over the music. Her hand pressed against his chest while she drained the rest of his cup. He didn’t know how he was a good kisser, because he frankly just stood there the whole time, or at least that’s what it felt like he was doing. “We should date.”
“What? ” He took half of a step back. She frowned, dropping her cup onto the already littered floor.
“I said we should date,” She repeated. Evan had heard her very clearly the first time. His hands started to shake from where they sat at his side, he could feel his heartbeat growing faster.
“Yeah I, yeah, I heard you,” He sputtered, looking at her with wide eyes.
“Well?”
“I think I need to go,” He replied. Her face crumbled immediately, looking at him like he just kicked her puppy. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever felt so guilty in his life but god he was going to be sick. “It wasn’t anything you did, I promise. That was nice. I just, I have something I need to deal with. I swear.”
She walked off without another word. He watched her walk up to a group of friends, who all tilted their heads in to hear her talking before whipping around to look at him.
Okay, yeah, great, now he couldn’t catch his breath. What an idiot. He gets asked out by a nice girl and all he can say is ‘I think I need to go’.
Evan was sure he was close to sobered up at this point, but was still stumbling as he went through the packed room to get to the doorway. His dorm was far away and frankly, he wasn’t entirely sure he’d make it that far without vomiting or having a panic attack.
As he made his way into the hallway, all of the patterns on the floor began to warp together and he was tripping down the stairs and it felt like someone was talking to him but where was the voice coming from?
Halfway back to the Slytherin dorms, or what he interpreted as halfway, he was wheezing in order to get air in his lungs. Tears sat on the very edge of his eyelids, threatening to give way at the slightest thought or movement. He needed to hurry, if he laid down or just went to bed he’d feel better.
“Rosier! Oi, Rosier!” Oh, for fuckssake. He had no clue who was yelling at him, and he wasn’t going to turn around to find out. “Rosier, mate, stop walking so fast–”
A hand latched around his arm, revealing Sirius fucking Black of all people. Evan yanked his arm away and went to keep walking, looking up at the ceiling in hopes it would send the tears back into his head.
He was completely unsuccessful, because Sirius just darted in front of him and blocked his path.
“Have you seen Regulus? I thought he was at the party, but I need to talk to him.” Sirius blabbed, pausing after he spoke to look closer at Evan. “Jesus, what’s up with you?”
“Last I saw him was at the party,” Evan said shortly, attempting to side step and continue back to the dorms.
“Uh uh, not so fast. What’s wrong?” Sirius grabbed his shoulder this time and Evan wanted nothing else in the world than to deck him in the face. “Girl problems? Boy problems?”
“You have no fucking clue,” Evan snapped. His breath was still short, but somehow arguing made it slightly easier to breathe.
“I’m sure. Try me,” Sirius bit back, his eyes scanning back and forth.
“And why would I talk to you about this hypothetical issue?”
“Because I’m very experienced in the world of drama and feelings, I have plenty of both. And, you’re one of my brother's friends, so I think I’m inclined to help when you’re in a crisis.”
“I’m not talking about this with you,” His voice wavered for a second and he mentally cursed the world for it.
Sirius narrowed his eyes at him and shrugged. “Fine, but when I find Regulus or Barty, I’m sending them your way.”
“No, you won’t,” Evan said slowly, his voice even. “Don’t say a fucking word about any of this.”
Something crossed over Sirius’ eyes before he seemed to have to shove down a smirk. “Oh, I get it.”
What could he possibly get about this situation? “I guarantee you don’t.”
He slipped from Sirius’ grasp, nearly breaking into a jog to avoid being grabbed by him again.
“I guarantee I do, Rosier!”