Ambush on All Sides

Hermione shifted in one of the large chairs by the fireplace, the book she had been reading earlier lying discarded in her lap. James was about to ask what happened, looking up from his own book as well when he noticed her gazing to the side with a small smile on her face. 

Puzzled, he followed her gaze to Sirius and Remus, talking by the entryway to the room. Remus' lips were curled up, his hands fidgeting with the sleeves of his shirt, his eyes flicking to Sirius who seemed to be explaining something.

Not finding anything strange with the sight, James glanced back at Hermione, baffled at the expresion still on her face. 

Hermione seemed to sense his gaze, her head turning back to him. Hesitation flickered across her face, as if she was deciding whether to speak or not before she opened her mouth. 

“Have they been so close during your days too?” 

“I suppose, we’ve all been.” 

“Yes but I mean, so, close close.” 

She stared at him, almost as if in anticipation, which didn’t seem to make any sense. 

James gave her a blank look. Why did it suddenly feel like she was talking in a different language? 

“I don’t know what you’re getting at.” 

“Well. You know…” she fidgeted, evading his gaze for a long moment, her voice trailing almost into a whisper. “...like that.” 

Like…?

James’ eyes widened. 

“ What?! ” he exclaimed, perhaps a bit too loudly, but in his defense, he had never heard a more outrageous thing in his life. Was she seriously suggesting…? 

“I’m just saying - well we all think that - you know they looked so close - and we hardly see Sirius like that with anyone else - I don’t mean they’re exactly together already, but it sure looks like something, could, you know. Be happening?” 

James blinked, uncomprehending. 

“But…He’s too pretty for him.” 

Now it was Hermione’s turn to sputter. “Too pretty ? What, who? Sirius?” 

“Well obviously I’m talking about Sirius, he always has been.” The corner of his mouth lifted slightly, his voice taking on a bitter undertone, “I swear half of our school was crushing on him.” 

Even after years, thinking back to all the girls daring to flirt with Sirius still made him feel like biting into a freshly picked lemon. It mostly stopped in their sixth year, thankfully, but James still saw all the wanting, longing looks thrown at Sirius’ back. 

The only thing that made the situation better was that Sirius was always so incredibly unimpressed with everyone, that it sometimes was almost funny, in a twisted way. Watching everyone bend over backwards for a scrap of Sirius’ attention and get absolutely nothing was strangely satisfying. But, that was before. 

Hermione frowned heavily, her mouth pinching ever so slightly.

“External beauty is not everything.” 

“I’m not talking just about that. There’s such a thing as being beautiful inside and out, you know. You might have heard of the concept.”

There was an embarrassed flush to Hermione’s cheeks at that, and James smirked a little. As if Sirius could only be written off as a pretty face. Sirius’ soul would shine in any body.

“My point is, he was top of the class too, while Remus struggled behind, how could he even keep up with him now - “

“That’s in the past! Grades don’t matter!” 

“Except Remus was even worse out of the classroom.” 

Her cheeks puffed up. “That’s not -  that wasn’t what I asked!” 

“I’m just giving you the real information. It's not my fault you don't want to hear it.” 

“But that…” She opened her mouth, then closed it, searching for words until her gaze landed on someone behind his shoulder, her eyes regaining their previous spark. 

“Ginny!” she called out, waving her hand in the air with sudden urgency, “Come here!”

The red haired girl faltered by the doorway, a piece of cookie halfway to her mouth. 

“What?”

“Just come here, quickly. I need to ask you something.” 

She came closer, glancing at James in a way that came to be too familiar to him in the last few days, like she wasn't sure how to act around him, while James pretended not to notice. It was a tiring game, but he understood. It wasn't everyday a dad of your friend came back from the dead. 

“Fine." Her gaze finally moved from him to the expectant and slightly desperate face of her friend. Or a friend of a friend? Both? The children's intricate relationships still confused him. 

"What is it? Nothing about the freedom of elves again, I hope.” 

Hermione’s ears tinted pink between her curls, but she shook her head, face determined. 

“You agree that there’s something going on with Lupin and Sirius, right?” 

If the question surprised Ginny, she didn’t let it show on her face. James had a sudden, terrible feeling that gossip about his friend’s love life was way too common of a topic here. 

Obvious to his discomfort, Ginny shoved the biscuit into her mouth, then crossed her hands.  “I mean…he treats him differently than anyone else, save Harry maybe, but that’s different.” 

“See?” Hermione gestured in her direction. “I’m not crazy for asking that.” 

A sudden loud noise rang in his ears. In the next second, the Weasley twins apparated out of thin air, grinning widely. 

“How long you think it’s gonna take him until he finds out?”

“Way too long if I know our brother, dear Fred.” said George, cackling menacingly before he turned to them, his expression immediately souring when he noticed the expressions on Hermione’s and Ginny’s faces. 

“Ugh, don’t tell me you’re talking about that again?”

Affronted, Hermione crosses her arms. “So what if we are? It’s still more new than your pranks.” 

Fred and George gave matching gasps and James was almost inclined to do the same. Insulting a marauder’s quality of pranks was a low blow. 

“Take that back!” Fred threatened and Hermione scoffed, retorting in a way that had the twins seething in anger. 

On the side, Ginny chewed loudly in agreement, somehow procuring another pair of cookies from her pockets. The sound reminded James so much of Peter and his love for sweets, that it striked like a well-aimed curse into his back, stabbing at his spine.

He’d been gone for so long. One of his best friends a traitor, another locked in Azkaban for a crime he didn’t even commit… 

Was it really so crazy? That the last two of their group, the only ones left, grew closer with all the loss around them, the feelings blossoming into more? How could so many of the people in the house think there was something going on if there was nothing to notice? Could there really be some truth to it? Were they…already together?

No. No way. 

He knew his friends, he would have noticed. He must have, with all the staring he did Sirius’ way for years. 

Done with the conversation, James excused himself from the group in the favor of looking for Harry. Merlin knew they had a lot of catching up to do and now that he was finally back in Harry’s life, James intended to try to be the best father he could be with everything he had. 

It was hard, keeping his expectations down. Harry didn’t know him, barely remembered him, so it was pointless to hold any hope he’d truly see him as his father, but James tried. 

Words couldn’t even describe how proud he was of the boy Harry has grown to become, and sometimes, when Harry or his friends recounted their adventures, James’ chest felt too tight with the feeling and he had to remind himself to not be rash with his actions, to act carefully, to not overwhelm him. He knew Harry needed time. 

So, he slipped in a little casual praise when Harry mentioned quidditch, telling him he also used to play and recounted the story of little Harry with his flying broom. “I always knew you’d be great at it,” he told Harry, who gave him a shy but beaming smile back. He went to Diagon Alley with him and made fun of his favorite ice cream flavor, then asked the seller to give him a cone too. “Just so I can get more personal in the hateful feedback,” he claimed, and then thought he did something right when Harry gave a startled laugh. 

After lunch, he often listened to Harry and his friends tell stories and in turn he told Harry stories too, about their time at Hogwarts, and about all the mischief the Marauders got up to. Harry listened to them all with rapt attention and wide eyes.

The Weasley twins spent a week calling him and the remaining Marauders ‘Masters’ after learning about whose Map they had been using for years. Sirius smirked for days after and James couldn’t have been happier to see the familiar expression back on his face.  

On the Friday night that week, they got almost everyone together, save for Mrs. Weasley who went out for tea with her friends, and played several rounds of wizard chess. 

James found himself immediately impressed with Ron’s tactical thinking and spent several matches analyzing his thought process, then pulled him to the side to ask him if he ever tried applying that skill to Quidditch. 

Ron beamed under his praise and was immediately taken with the idea, the freckles on his face red as he flushed with excitement (and the lack of air, since he kept speaking without taking a break). 

As he spoke, James glanced towards where Harry was sitting over a game with Arthur, who was tapping at his chin in thought and staring at the chess board.

One of his pieces, the white queen, had gotten bored with his indecisiveness and was throwing her crown from one hand to another like an over-glorified ball. 

When he moved his eyes to Harry, he found him already looking at him, smiling happily. James returned the smile, then turned his attention to Ron, continuing their conversation. 

“I never realized just how much I could use all of this in a broom match,” Ron said, almost reverently. “I can’t wait to get back to Hogwarts and try it out.” 

“Why wait until then? I’m sure we could arrange for something.” 

The stars in Ron’s eyes doubled. “Really?” 

“Of course, Quidditch is not limited to Hogwarts.” James pursed his lips in thought. “There was this clearing me and Sirius used during summer to play, I’m sure I can get us a portkey there in no  time.” 

He still didn’t have his wand (it hurt too much to look at any new ones when he stumbled by Ollivander’s shop the other day), and going outside was sometimes tricky, with people gawking whenever he went, whispering, but just getting a portkey shouldn’t be any trouble. 

“Really?!” 

“Really.” 

Ron beamed even brighter and ran up to tell Harry, who brightened even more so. Across him, Mr. Weasley seemed to be still weighing his next move. 

“What did you tell them to earn such massive grins?” Sirius inquired as he slid into the now empty couch across him, smiling ever so slightly. 

“Promised them Quidditch, what else.” James grinned, then gestured towards the chess board on the table. “Want to play?” 

The small smile slipped off Sirius’ lips as he glanced down, long dark hair, longer than James remembered, falling into his face. 

“...Alright,” he said after a moment, voice strangely quiet.

James bit his lip, looking at him for a moment longer, then set up the board. He used the same colors they’ve always used at Hogwarts. Black for him, white for Sirius. Peter used to find that hilarious. James pushed the thought away. He hoped the colors were still alright.

Thankfully Sirius didn’t comment and barely hesitated before he leaned over to move one of his pawns across the board.

“You usually start with the left one,” James commented, moving his own piece as well.

Sirius shrugged, glancing away, then back. 

“Just felt the need for a change.” 

James hummed. 

He was about done with change, but he supposed Sirius must be feeling quite differently, and he was more than entitled to do whatever he pleased. No matter how much James missed their little rituals, what mattered was that Sirius even wanted to play with him instead of seeking out someone else. 

Like Remus , whispered the tiny voice in his mind, as it sometimes did since that terrible conversation with Ginny and Hermione. James pretended like he couldn’t hear it. 

If Sirius wanted to spend time with Remus, of course he could. They were friends, it was only normal.

“Speaking of change, how is Buckbeak settling in? Can’t be easy, with so little space. How has he not squished you yet?”

“He’s fine, mostly.” The corner of Sirius’ lips lifted, some of the shadows in his eyes subsiding. “Though there have been attempts to make me into a pancake. Quite a few now that I’m thinking about it.”

James chuckled. “Well don’t worry, no flattening of any Siriuses is going to happen on my watch. We’ll get you outside soon.” 

He moved his bishop, not noticing the sudden stricken, wide-eyed look on Sirius’ face, or the way his eyes slowly melted like molten silver into warm fondness.

Across the room, Arthur screamed in delight about winning the match, Fred and George congratulating him with obvious disbelief and proportionally bigger excitement. In the corner, Hermione continued to frown as Ron once again completely decimated her last line of defense. 

“This game is stupid!” She proclaimed loudly, huffing and crossing her hands, while Ginny snickered from the sidelines. 

“Just because you can’t understand it, doesn’t mean it’s stupid!” Ron stubbornly said back, just as loudly. 

“I imagine Buckbeak’s getting tired of all the noise too,” James glanced up with a smile, catching Sirius’ gaze for a moment before Sirius turned to the game, hesitating for slightly longer than he usually would have. James frowned a little, then cleared his expression. “I swear the twins are even louder than we used to be.”

“We set our dorm on fire.” Sirius argued back, “I think we were still a level above them.” 

The stiff posture he had earlier was now all but gone, a slow but real smile blossoming on his lips. As he spoke, he gracefully pushed a flock of raven hair back from his face, the motion so nostalgic that James had to swallow and look away. 

His gaze fell down. The chess board showed he was winning, overwhelmingly so which made him stop for a second. He could count the times he’d bested Sirius so easily without using any fingers. Their matches were always give and take, with the score that tended to even out on the exact amount of wins and loses between both of them. 

Maybe Sirius was luring him into a false sense of victory? It wouldn’t be the first time, though it wasn’t his most common tactic. 

He blinked at the board for a moment longer, then leaned in his seat to prop his elbow on the armrest, resting his chin in the palm of his hand while the other hand extended towards the pieces on the board. 

The knight he shifted forward waved his sword happily in the air, then cut the pawn across him into two neat pieces.

The sight made James miss his old set. There was a knight that would jump on the head of his horse and then leap towards an opponent, hacking him into five differently sized pieces before casually jumping back, acting like nothing happened. 

Remus claimed he was a faulty piece and someone messed up the enchantment. To James, he was his favorite chess piece. 

Mostly because it was equally entertaining and ridiculous, but also because Sirius always looked so unimpressed James could barely see his next move for how much it made him laugh.  

James looked up from the board. “You act like we started the fire on purpose.” 

Sirius stared straight back at him. “That’s because we did.” 

James held the serious face for another second, then grinned. 

“Oh, right, we did do that.” 

Sirius laughed out at that, short and choppy and obviously barely used, and yet still so him, that James felt his heart clench at the sight. It’s been too long since he last heard Sirius genuinely laugh. 

The room quieted for a moment, as if stunned by the unknown sound before the chatter resumed again. 

From the corner of his eyes, James could see Hermione, staring at them with her mouth slightly open, Ginny excitedly whispering something to her ear. Across them sat Ron waiting with a bored expression that hinted she was taking way too long with her move. 

James was about to turn his head to look back at Sirius when he noticed Remus standing nearby, his eyes blown wide. Something about the expression on his face made James frown. Why did it almost look like Hermione was right to think –

“James?” Sirius asked and whatever thoughts James had before evaporated, shelved for later. 

“Yeah?”

“It’s your turn.” 

James looked at the board again. Tilted his head to the side.

“Sirius…” he started, “I can see about three ways I could win right now when usually I have to fight tooth and nail for even a sliver of one... Are you - I mean - we don’t have to play, if you don’t want to, we can just talk.”

Sirius resolutely stared down at the chess piece still in his hand, fingers clenched tightly around the marble surface. 

James almost regretted asking, but he wanted Sirius to be able to tell him if he didn’t feel like doing something, just like he used to. They could spend time together a million different ways, if Sirius wanted, there was no need to play chess just because they used to or just because it was something everyone was doing tonight. 

“It’s not that,” Sirius said after a moment, voice quiet. It was barely audible over the loud chatter around them, but James heard him. He waited, knowing that if Sirius wanted to tell him more, he would.

A glint of silver, as Sirius glanced up at him through the gentle, obsidian waterfall of his hair, head still bowed. 

“I’m not sure I know the rules anymore,” he admitted quietly. 

James felt the air stutter in his lungs. 

Merlin.

He should have, he should have realized, he should have known.

The Dementors have been feeding on Sirius’ happy memories for years, parasating on him. The memories stayed, thankfully, but it was clear they had muddled some of them. 

The fact that Sirius was able to play at all, probably studying everyone else in the room before he came to him and then analyzing James’ own style of play….that he still kept up with James better than most players in the room even while not knowing the exact rules…It was nothing short of incredible.

James leaned across the table, gently squeezing the hand Sirius still had around the chess piece. 

At the gesture, Sirius looked up, the motion almost hesitant.

James gave him a small, gentle smile.

“Are you telling me I had advantage this whole time and it still took me this long to get close to beating you? Leave some brilliance for the rest of us, will you?”

Sirius huffed out a breath, some of the confidence tentatively returning to his gaze. James squeezed his hand again, then let go.  

“Let’s play again. I’ll tell you the rules.” 

Sirius stared at him for a moment, then nodded. Together they cleaned the board and James set up the colors again, same as last time.

“The others changed colors each round,” Sirius said, frowning minutely as James pushed the white pieces towards him again. “You should take the white now.” 

“No, it’s fine,” James looked up at him through the strands falling into his eyes, a teasing smile playing across his lips. “I’m rather fond of Black.”

Sirius punched him to the shoulder but the tops of his ears flushed ever so slightly and the corners of his lips were noticeably twitching. James laughed louder than he had since he came back. 

“Mind if I join you?” Remus asked hesitantly when they were in the middle of their second round, his eyes flitting to the empty spot on the sofa next to Sirius, then back to them. 

“Sure,” Sirius agreed, giving him a small nod. 

As Remus moved to sit down, James caught a glimpse of Hermione and Ginny giggling and sneaking glances at them and felt as if someone threw a handful of ice cubes down the collar of his sweater. They were getting ridiculous. There was absolutely nothing going on  – 

But then they continued chatting, reminiscing about their school days and Sirius laughed again, free and happy, and James noticed with rising dread, the stunned, awed expression on Remus’ face. Noticed the way he kept sneaking glances at Sirius, even when he wasn’t talking. The way he kept sliding closer to him in his seat -

No. James told himself, his voice sounding too pleading to himself even in his own head. This didn’t have to mean anything. So Remus possibly had a crush. Newsflash, James wasn’t kidding when he said half the school had a crush on Sirius. In fact, he was underestimating, he was pretty sure it was even more than that and rising with each year. 

For all James knew, whatever this was could have been going on for years, or just weeks. Either way it didn’t matter. It was one-sided, he was pretty sure. Sirius didn’t act any different with Remus, did he? Or…?  – No. There was no point in thinking about it anymore. 

Now if Hermione wasn’t one of Harry’s best friends, James would consider cursing her just for making him think of this. He had enough with being in love with his best friend, he didn’t need to be in love with his best friend who was in love with someone else. 

The universe really was too cruel sometimes. It brought him back, then put Remus fucking Lupin in his way –

He tried his best to push it out of his mind over the next few days.

He helped out with the renovations Molly was trying to forcibly inflict upon the house - meaning he spent his time trying to sneakily sabotage her work as much as possible. 

Where did she even get the idea to strip the walls of their wallpaper? Sure, Sirius said he didn’t care, but James doubted this was what he had in mind. Those things were expensive, not to mention she wanted to paint the wood panels yellow to ‘bright up the place’. 

There was destroying the place on purpose, something James would be on board the minute he got an all clear, and there was changing it into the abomination Mrs. Weasley had in mind. James was not intending to be a part of that. 

He did however, managed to very covertly figure out a way to silence Walburga’s terrible self-portrait. Terrible, because it captured her likeness and demeanor a bit too well and whenever James heard her scream insults at her son, he was tempted to steal someone’s wand and set her portrait on fire. It was, admittedly,  something he once or twice also imagined with the real life Walburga. The likeness was truly staggering. 

In the end, taking care of the blasted portrait didn't involve stealing a wand as much as recruiting the help of Harry, who agreed immediately, and the Weasley twins, who agreed even faster. It was obvious they were looking forward to anything connected to mischief, which made James strangely proud. 

Molly almost erupted in fury when she saw someone had artfully tied an enchanted dirty cloth around Walburga’s mouth as a gag, silencing any noise. It was a temporary solution for now and James would very much prefer to just throw her portrait out the highest store of the house, but you win some, you lose some. 

“I suppose it is more quiet this way, ’” Molly eventually relented, then noted the gag was nicely color coded with Walburga’s cloak.

“Thanks, Mum,” Fred said, “When I chose the colors for her ‘Frigid Bitch Look’ , this shade of green was exactly what I had in mind.” 

He got whacked in the head for that with a pair of socks Mrs Weasley was just crocheting, but James noticed there was a smile on her face as well. 

He’d almost managed to push out any thoughts about Remus and Sirius together until the Monday of the next week, when he woke up in the middle of the night from a nightmare. 

He didn’t remember much of it.  Barely anything besides pain and darkness and being alone, helplessly drifting in the void. He’s already had this dream a couple of times since coming back, but somehow his heart refused to calm down, steadily beating in his chest like a goblin war drum. 

The darkness around him suddenly seemed too tangible, pressing against his skin, long  tendrils curling around his legs and pulling him down into the void, dragging him back. 

His heart squeezed. Again. Again. Again.  

Staggering, James was out the door and up the stairs before he even fully realized what he was doing. Back at Hogwarts, he knew that whenever he had a bad dream, he only had to cross the few steps between his and Sirius’ bed to get where he wanted to be. James didn’t use this privilege very often, but he was on the receiving end of it many times, with Sirius slipping into his bed whenever his dreams got too bad, in dog form or otherwise. 

Now standing before the doors of Sirius’ room, in the dead of the night, James wondered if Sirius ever hesitated too, in the same way he did now.

He moved closer. The door was cracked slightly open, and from what he could see even without his glasses on, the room was dark, lit only by what looked like a small light of a lamp. There was a chance that Sirius was up then, James thought as he raised his hand to knock.  

“I mean, of course I know I love him,” Sirius’ voice filtered through the gap in the door, “but now it seems like everyone around knows it too, you know?” 

James felt as if someone punched the air out of his chest, his hand freezing before his chuckles could fall against the wood. 

Buckbeak neighed quietly, barely heard over the loud ringing in James’ ears. 

“The girls keep giving me all those knowing looks and it seems like Molly is in on it too. Can you even believe it?” Sirius asked incredulously, the sound of ruffling feathers making it clear he was scratching Buckbeak’s wings. “I managed to go all those years at Hogwarts without anyone knowing how deep in I was and now all it takes those kids is a few seconds with both of us in a room? I mean, how pathetic is that?” 

Buckbeak made a cooing noise and Sirius chuckled weakly, both of them unaware to the fact that James’ world wouldn’t stop spinning. 

He took a step back, then another.

The floor creaked quietly under his bare feet, but James barely registered it, moving back to his room as if in trance. 

Sirius really…He was into Remus? Not even a crush but he has loved Remus for years? Has loved him since Hogwarts? It seemed so ridiculous at first, but with most of the kids knowing about it and even making bets, with Moly in on it if Sirius’ recent words were anything to go on -  And with those damned pining looks he’s caught Remus throwing at Sirius, though they hardly seemed returned back then – Was that – oh sweet fucking Merlin .

Was that why James hasn't noticed any change now to how Hermione claimed Sirius treated Remus? Was it because Sirius has just always acted like that? Because he was in love, and James was just too blind to notice? 

Maybe Remus was just only now appreciating Sirius, after everything they went through with James gone, or maybe –

James felt sick to his stomach. 

He staggered to his bed, then took a few deep breaths when he realized his lungs had started to burn with the lack of oxygen. 

“Fuck,” he whispered hoarsely, desperately wipping at the unending tears falling down his cheeks, “Fuck.” 

“Is everything alright?” Remus asked him over breakfast when he noticed his red eyes, then smiled at Sirius as he sat down next to him, his attention divided.

James was spared the need to answer, but Sirius’ worried gaze rested on him for the rest of the meal. Somehow, that made James feel even worse. 

Here he was feeling sorry about himself, when Sirius was finally finding hope after all those years of being unfairly locked up and made into a traitor. Here he was pitying himself and crying when Sirius finally had a shot at getting the love he longed for so long. When there was a possibility that both of his remaining best friends may be happy. 

What did it change what James wanted or wished for? He was lucky enough to be reunited with his loved ones, to be able to watch Harry grow and meet his friends, and to be by Sirius’ side, in any way possible, to be able to share stories with Remus again. 

There wasn’t much else he could really want from life could he? Not when he already almost cost Sirius his life in Azkaban…

The next morning, James put on a smile, acting like nothing was wrong. He left sooner than he normally would have when Remus joined him and Sirius by the fire, claiming he was tired just so he could give them some alone time, even as the thought of that stabbed straight to his heart. He still hung out around the group and he made sure to interact with Sirius as much as before – he wasn’t going to lose his best friend or leave him, not before and especially not now after everything  – but held himself slightly to the side when it came just to the three of them, even as not demanding Sirius’ attention went against his very being. 

If they really loved each other - or at least Sirius did, from what he knew - who was he to stand between them? 

Above all else, he had always wanted for his friends to be happy.

“James?” Sirius croaked out, his knees almost giving out as James barreled onto him, his arms clutching around Sirius’ waist. 

“It’s me, Padfoot,” James said, his voice hoarse. 

He could feel Sirius’ hands shaking from where they were holding onto him, his grip like iron and simultaneously too fragile. James pulled him closer, cradling his head with his hand and pulling him closer to his body, until there wasn’t even a breath of space between them. “I’m here. It’s me.” 

Sirius choked on a sob. 

Feeling a strange tingling at the back of his neck, James glanced to the side, only now noticing the stunned teenagers still standing there. Without meaning to, a frown formed on his face. Sirius wouldn’t want anyone else to see him like that, he’d only ever cried in front of James. 

“Leave us,” he said, as polite as he could manage, because those were still his son’s friends, even if his body wanted nothing more than to snarl, to get them to back off. 

Harry’s best friend, the tall one with red hair, recovered first, pulling at the other two. 

“Come on, let’s see if Mum needs any help with the lunch.”

“What –” the girl with the curls blinked, then flushed. “Ah, yes. Of course.”

The sound of their step echoed as they turned to leave, the teens whispering as soon as they got out of the sight, but James didn’t pay it any attention. The collar of his borrowed t-shirt feelt damp, cooling his skin and the grip around his body was too tight, barely allowing any breath to be let into his lungs. It should have been uncomfortable - somehow it was the best feeling in the world. 

It meant Sirius was really there. 

Sirius’ body kept shivering in his arms. James pulled him in closer and vowed to never let go again. 

The summer continued, the days somehow moving faster with each day. 

Some evenings, they spent the nights playing Exploding Snap, Ron insisting vehemently that Sirius had to be cheating, because he’d hardly ever gotten burnt.

“It’s called the art of being unreadable, Ron.” Sirius told him, then calmly picked up the next card and let himself blow up to prove his point. 

Yet, as much as James enjoyed the freetime, he was also beginning to feel too restless. He had attended a single meeting of the Order, after being finally let in by Dumbledore, and then promptly got kicked out for ‘insubordination’. (Or, as James liked to call it, ‘a crapload of dragon shit’.) The Order was doing nothing, absolutely nothing to take care of clearing Sirius’ name and when they had told him that, or rather, when James managed to get that out of them, he snapped. 

He had half the mind to storm back in and continue with his yelling, maybe break Snape’s nose even more than he already did, and he might have done so, if he wasn’t intercepted by Sirius and Ginny. 

“It’s not worth it,” Sirius said then, so unlike him that James had jerked himself out of his hands and marched out of the hall, unable to listen to that tone of his voice any longer. 

“What’s going on?” he heard Ginny ask weakly, but by then he was already slamming his door shut with such force that dust flew off from the hinges. 

With any of his last remains of hope in the Order gone, James refocused his nights to try and clear Sirius’ name himself. It was long work, longer than it should have any right to be, but it did have the added benefit of finally making him feel a bit more useful. 

A few days later, at the end of July, Molly had somehow roped him and Remus into helping her out in the kitchen. 

“Arthur is sick, so I was thinking some meat on the carrots. What do you think?” 

At their blank faces, she clasped her hands and smiled. “Good, then that’s what we’ll do. Remus, get the chopping board and knives ready. James, wash up the carrots.” 

James didn’t mind helping out. To be honest, it reminded him of his own mum and the little tasks she made him do around in the kitchen to help her prepare food. He was seldom allowed to do anything truly big (connected maybe to a certain food poisoning problem that might have or might not have been his fault) but he still quite enjoyed it. 

“Where’s Sirius by the way?” James asked some time later, when the food was already boiling and the only thing left was to start setting the nearby table. The house had a proper dining room of course, but they’ve somehow unanimously chosen the still long, but smaller table in the kitchen for their main eating space. James guessed it had something to do with the house feeling too big and empty, even with so many people living in it. 

“Oh him?”Molly said, “He’s having one of those sulky fits of his again. Best let Harry get him, he’s the only one able to get him out of those moods.” 

James stilled from where he was setting glasses across the table, one of them still in his hand.

Molly continued to stir the pot, completely obvious, her lips slightly twisted as if in a bad aftertaste. On the other side of the long table, Remus dutifully continued setting the cutlery, not reacting to her words in the slightest. James had the sudden, violent urge to grab one of the nearby plates and whack it against his head. Maybe that would set him straight. 

He seemed to notice James had frozen, his face the perfect picture of innocence as he turned his head to him. 

"Something the matter?" he asked.  

James didn't spare him another glance and instead burrowed his eyes into Molly's side. 

"How can you speak about him like that?" 

Molly’s grip around her spatula faltered, her short red hair swinging as she shifted her focus to him. 

“What? The moods? I don’t mean anything bad with it, but we all know how he gets.I doubt he’ll even come out of his room today, no matter what we try to do -”

“And is that such a problem?” James bit back, “Maybe he just wants to be alone for a while. It doesn’t make him unreasonable or dangerous.”

“Honey, you’ve never seen him like this -” 

“I don’t need to see him to know him. I’ve known him my whole life, I think I know more what he’s like than you do.” 

“You missed a lot though, honey…” Molly tried placatingly, in a way that was getting on James’ nerves in a way he had never felt before.

“Molly’s right, James,” Remus joined in, “Things have changed.” 

If that wasn’t the understatement of the year. 

James let out a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down. 

Don’t get into another argument just days after that Order meeting, he told himself, Don’t you dare blow up again. Don’t you dare, James. 

Molly frowned at him in sympathy, then quickly turned to stir the pot again. 

“We still have to try and get him to come down, of course. It’s not good for the kids to have one of the adults locked up in his room all day. Could one of you fetch Harry for me?” 

A quick glance to the side confirmed Harry was still in the living room, chatting with Ron and Hermione, all three of them grinning as they talked. 

“No. I’m going to talk to him.” James said, putting the rest of the glasses down. 

There was hardly a chance he’d want to stay in the room with Molly and Remus any longer. Besides, he was about to search for Sirius anyway and there was no need to pull Harry from his friends. 

“Are you sure, he doesn’t listen even to Remus – “ 

So what if I’m not Remus? James wanted to snarl, but pushed it down, even as the tone of her voice made his hackles rise. 

Even Remus. What was that even supposed to mean? He was still Sirius’ best friend. 

And from what it looked like, Remus hardly cared about how Sirius was feeling right now, not even bothering to look uncomfortable when the words ‘sulky fits’ fell out of Molly’s mouth. In fact, the absolute lack of reaction from him made the urge to whack him with one of the plates return, stronger than before. 

“And for the record, I’m not forcing him to come down. I’m only going there because I actually care about him.” 

He gave Remus a long, cold glare, then turned to leave the room. 

The door to Sirius’ bedroom was shut tight, which was no surprise. James had a stray thought about Sirius setting up guarding arrays on the door, but then dismissed the thought. If Molly kept sending Harry after him, he doubted Sirius would try to do even something as little as singe his fingers. 

His fingers rapped gently on the dark wood. 

“Sirius? It’s me.” 

Buckbeak made a questioning cooing noise, but otherwise the room stayed silent. 

James splayed his hand against the door, leaning his weight on it. 

“I’m not forcing you to leave or whatever they keep on doing, just, let me –” 

Before the words could even fully leave his mouth, the door flew open. James staggered a step forward as the surface he was leaning against suddenly disappeared, barely stopping himself from crashing into Sirius. When he looked up, their faces were only a few centimeters apart.

James saw Sirius swallow, his eyes tracking the motion before he forced himself to step back, putting a smile on his face.

“Ah, sorry!” he said easily, laughing a little, “Took me off guard.” 

“It’s fine.” 

They stared at each other for a moment longer, James feeling strangely bashful and refusing to acknowledge it. Then Sirius stepped to the side. 

James gave him a small smile and entered, the door falling shut behind them. 

For some reason, James expected the room to be a mess, then firmly berated himself for his assumptions. The whole room was as organized and clean as Sirius’ room back in the Potter manor used to be, each thing and book meticulously tucked away.

In the left corner of the room, by the large window, Buckbeak happily neighed as he noticed him, his wings ruffling. James returned his greeting with a deep bow, then smiled as he bowed back. 

“I brought something for you, feather baby,” James told him as he came in closer, reaching to the pocket of his hoodie to hold out a beautifully orange carrot.

Buckbeak made a sound that jingled with delight, a long blue tongue peaking out to lick at his beak. 

With barely restrained glee, James watched as he extended his feathered neck and stole the carrot from his hands with a sharp clap of his beak, then happily started chewing.

James gave him a pat on the head then turned away, giving Sirius a teasing smirk.

“I don’t have any left for you, sorry Padfoot.” 

“You…” The look in Sirius’ eyes almost looked like wonder and James chuckled sheepishly, ruffling his hair.

“What? Does he not normally eat his veggies?” 

“...He does.” 

The expression on his face was unreadable and while that might have made some people uneasy or uncomfortable, James revealed in the familiar expression. 

“Oh, alright. I’ll bring you some next time, if you want.”

Sirius nodded. They both ignored the fact Sirius could walk down the stairs and to the kitchen as easily as James. Or well, maybe not as easily, James thought darkly as he was reminded of the conversation in the kitchen.

He watched as Sirius came in closer, reaching out his hand to scratch Buckbeak’s head as well. His posture was still too tense, shoulders almost hunched in a way that made him more similar to James’ height than his own. The dark circles under his eyes weren’t hard to miss either. 

James bit down the words that threatened to swallow him whole and instead lifted his hand again, resting it just slightly above Sirius’ own, gently scratching. Sirius seemed to falter for a second, then recovered when Buckbeak gave a long happy purr. 

Slowly, James wetted his lips. 

“You want to talk about it?” 

He watched as Sirius’ fingers curled around the feathers, graceful as ever. 

“No. Just...”  James didn’t dare to look up to see what Sirius’ face looked like as he said that, but his voice was clearly strained, almost breaking. “Stay close to me.”  

James slid his hand down, placing his palm over Sirius’ hand for a moment, squeezing gently even as Sirius went rigid under him then gave a light shudder. 

“I’m not going anywhere.” 

Not again. Not ever.  

James moved his arm back, scratching the top of Buckbeak’s head again. They’ve stayed like that for hours, missing the lunch completely and eating the dinner that James later sneaked in off the floor. Sirius’ wasn’t there fully. He missed whole chunks of conversation and would smile only to retreat back into himself the next second, but James didn’t mind. He was grateful just to be able to be there and keep him company. 

When Sirius emerged from his room the next day, James met him with a warm smile, proud of the way his eyes seemed to regain some of their steely confidence. It was hardly the end of Sirius’ struggle, James knew that, but he hoped it was a good beginning. The way Remus had acted still burned like something acidic at the back of his throat, though. 

It stayed on his mind until the Wednesday of the next week, when he was walking back to his room from another afternoon in Diagon Alley with Harry and Ron, a brand new wand finally in the backpocket of his jeans. He was about to find Sirius to see if he wanted to join in trying to test some spells with it and he was just passing by the living room, when he heard it. 

" – Molly said…” he heard Remus say, “well, she thinks that it's best if you don’t go to the Order meetings anymore, Sirius."

James stopped mid-step. 

There was an ugly, dry sound as Sirius laughed. 

"Oh really?"

"She only means well, you know that. It’s just the it’s not good for the morale to always spend the meetings arguing about the smallest of things. And that, well she thinks it’s not good for the kids to hear that either, with how much they listen in. Especially Harry..." 

James’ body went rigid. 

"Oh deep apologies, that someone has different ideas than Dumbledore. One would think the whole Order would rather I lock myself up, wouldn’t they? Go back where I was the most useful to them." 

For a long second, it was quiet, then Remus gave a sigh. 

"...You know that's not what I meant." 

"Do I?" Sirius sneered back, but it lacked the usual bite. James has seen Deatheaters cower in the face of his glowing glare and dangerous grin, yet now Sirius sounded tired in a way that he rarely heard before. It sounded so wrong it made James almost nauseous. 

“We just want to help you, Sirius. It would be the best for everyone if you -” 

Deciding he heard enough, James took the remaining last steps and pushed the door open. It flew to the side with slightly more force than he was aware he exerted, the wood creaking loudly as it hit the wall.

Remus glanced at the door from where he was standing in the middle of the room, his posture visibly stiffening when seeing him. James secretly revealed in the little motion. 

Sirius was standing by the fireplace, eyes glaring in a way that made a flame of satisfaction burn somewhere inside James’ chest. It was good to see Sirius stand up for himself again. 

Stepping into the room, James moved his gaze back to Remus, watching as he nervously shifted his weight from one foot to another.  

"James,” he greeted stiffly. “Weren’t you out with Harry and Ron? I wasn't expecting you here." 

"Funny." James leaned against the wall next to Sirius, crossing his hands. "I wasn't expecting you either." 

Remus laughed a little, then stopped when James didn’t join. His gaze flitted between James and Sirius, quick and fleeting. His left arm jerked in a weird, half-way aborted motion towards the door. 

“Right,” he said, “I will, uh, leave you two to talk then. See you at dinner.” 

He made towards the exit, but James pushed himself off the wall in one swift motion, grabbing his arm to stop him. He wasn’t done yet. 

"Remus." he said, even, measured, like the wind on a shore bringing news of an upcoming storm. 

Remus froze and slowly lifted his gaze from the ground, his wide eyes meeting James’ glare.

“...Yes?”

"Don't ever try to manipulate someone with my son." 

Remus spluttered, ears flushing pink. 

"I wasn't trying to!” he blurted out loudly. “I only wanted to help. You know...well, the Order needs to present an united front, and I think Molly’s just worried for the kids –"

“The Order should worry more about having a known Deatheater in their ranks who comes to the meetings then.” James said, throwing Remus' hand away from his grasp. “Oh but wait, he already teaches the kids at school anyway. I’m sure Molly must be so glad for his protection.” 

“You don’t understand, Severus changed sides and helped to gather information for years now, without him we’d still be fighting blind.” he turned his head to the side, eyes pleading, hurt. “Sirius, I swear, I’m only trying to help.” 

Lips pressed together, Sirius glanced away from them.The possibility that he only looked over when Remus spoke to him burned like hot iron in James’ throat. 

“Keep telling yourself that, then, if it makes you sleep any better. But keep Harry out of it and stop trying to guilt trip someone who has done more for the war effort than you ever will.” 

“You don’t understand.”

James leveled him with an icy look. 

“I'm starting to think I'm the only one who does, Remus.” With that he walked past him and back towards Sirius, not sparing him another glance. 

If this was the way Remus treated someone he supposedly loved, James was done standing aside. 

James liked to pride himself on his strategic thinking, so in the wake of recent events, he decided to act out a plan. The way Remus kept acting made it clear he didn’t deserve Sirius in the slightest, not to mention his treatment of Sirius made James see red. Sirius deserved someone who would give all their loyalty and love freely without expecting anything in return. Someone who would always be there for him, no matter what.

So, there was only one possible option left. 

He’d try to win over his best friend, and make him forget about ever being in love with Remus. He would do his best to make Sirius fall in love with him with everything he had.

Over the next few days, he started to subtly work on it. It was strange, in both terrifying and thrilling way, to freely show how he truly felt about Sirius. He was still careful of course, this was no game, and James didn’t want to make Sirius uncomfortable, or get rejected before he even had the chance to try, but he let himself lean in closer to Sirius than he normally would have, let himself keep his gaze on him for longer and didn’t swallow every praise or smile that came to his lips in Sirius’ presence. 

When that wasn’t met with disdain or earth-shattering refusal, James slowly increased his efforts. 

“I’ve been thinking about brushing off my dueling skills,” he mentioned over breakfast one day, twirling the fork in his hand. “What do you say? Feel like decorating the hall above us with some spell marks?” 

Sirius lifted his head from his pitiful, plain pancake, an intense expression on his face. James supposed he was right in thinking Sirius missed thrill and danger just as much as he did. 

A small smirk spread across Sirius’ lips,“It worries me you even have to ask.”

“Good,” James grinned, his blood already singing with excitement.

With a few quick moves, he cut up one of the strawberries on his plate and reached out to set the pieces onto Sirius’, smiling when he leaned back and met his confused gaze. 

“That pancake is so sad it makes me want to cry. Strawberries are still your favorite, right?”

Sirius hummed a little, his calm, cold face not showing any reaction except for the way the tips of his ears flushed a wonderful pink as he looked down at his plate. For a long, terrible second, James wondered what kind of food was served in Azkaban, then immediately pushed the thought away and instead sneaked Sirius another strawberry from his plate. 

By the time they were done with breakfast and moving up, the rest of the house was already up as well, the empty, tall hallways not looking as haunted as they had in the early morning. 

The hall James had earlier scoped out for their dueling was a long narrow room filled with heavy curtains and more dust than one’s lungs could contain. Somehow, it was also one of the rooms that had so far managed to escape Molly’s renovation attempts, probably mostly because there was little to no furniture and the walls were already an unassuming dark black, covered half-way with wood paneling. 

“What did you have in mind?” Sirius asked, twirling his wand with careless elegance as he looked around. 

James rolled up his sleeves, not noticing Sirius’ quick glance in the direction as he took out his own wand. “Free duel? Any spells are fine with me.”

With a nod, Sirius moved to stand a few feet across him. There was a dangerous glint in his eye, as always when it came to fighting. James suppressed a shiver that ran up his spine at the sight. 

He made a show of throwing his wand from one hand to the other, then bared his teeth in a challenging smile. “Let’s see if you can take me.” 

Sirius' eyes darkened. 

The force of his first attack almost made James stumble, but he managed to evade, grinning.

Yes, he thought, this was exactly what he missed. Well, aside from flying of course. 

He flicked his wand, sending a bright blue jinx towards Sirius, who deflected with a well-timed protego charm, then barely managed to move out of the way when James targeted him with another curse. 

The match made James feel alive in a way he hadn’t since coming back. There was no time to think about anything else besides Sirius and his next move. They exchanged another round of rapidly fired charms, one of them hitting the wall behind Sirius’ head and smoking ever so slightly.

“Seems like you missed, Prongs,” Sirius teased and James’ lips stretched into a smirk. 

“Did I?”

The charred mark exploded into an orb of air pushing everything aside with force. Sirius was thrown slightly to the side but didn’t let it stop him and casted a quick disarming charm his way. James side-steped it, the curse swishing dangerously close to his left ear. When he turned back around, Sirius was already back on his feet, eyes narrowed with concentration.

Slowly, they circled around each other, wands outstretched and eyes locked. 

A step, another. Sirius' eyes seemed to burn with intensity.

James moved. 

“Confringo!” he called out, and moved his wand, but Sirius was quicker. With a lightning-fast step he moved in and pushed James’ hand aside, the curse instead connecting with the wall with a loud, explosive sound. In response, James grabbed the hand Sirius used to push him and twisted them around, bringing them both to the ground.

The wooden floor creaked under their weight, a small portion of dust lifting, then settling down. 

They rolled around, both fighting to gain the upper hand. James managed to kick Sirius’ wand out of his reach, but the next thing he knew the world spinned and the wand that was in his hand was now instead pointing at his throat. 

Above him, Sirius was caging him in, gray eyes blazing with thunder. Long, silky hair fell around his face like a black curtain, the edges of his strands almost touching James’ face. 

James stared back at him, and for a moment, their labored breaths were the only sound in the room.

Sirius’ lips pulled into a slow, victorious smirk. 

“I win,” he said, the tip of his, or rather James’ wand, still digging into his throat. 

Damn it, Merlin and Morgana, James thought dazedly, I’m supposed to be the one seducing him, not the other way around. He’s just making me fall for him all over again. 

James licked his suddenly dry lips, acutely aware of every single place where they bodies were touching, and met Sirius’ gaze.

“Then what will be your reward?” 

Sirius’ whole body above him seemed to freeze.

“Reward?”

“Hmm.” James hummed in agreement and tilted his head back, exposing more of his neck. 

Sirius’ eyes seem to darken, trembling minutely. James didn’t dare to breathe.

Suddenly, Sirius gave a weak laugh and rolled away, quickly scrambling to his feet. 

“I…need to go check on Buckbeak,” he said quickly, not even turning around, “Don’t wait for me.” 

Before James could even lift himself up, he was gone. James let his head fall back on the floor, hitting it with a muted thud, a groan tearing out his lips. 

Failure number one, he thought darkly. 

It took him a few minutes, but he realized Sirius had left the room with his wand. James gave a weak chuckle and picked up Sirius’ from where he kicked it off into the corner, fingers reverently trailing across the carved sigils. They hummed with power under his hand, shining  with an inner light. James has always been fascinated by it, all the way back in their first year of Hogwarts, but then he shouldn’t have been surprised. Sirius’ wand had always been exceptional, just like its bearer. 

“Did something happen?” Harry’s unruly head of hair peaked in from the doorway, his brows slightly furrowed. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Sirius so red before.” 

Red? James questioned. Maybe from the exercise…? They did fight for quite some time, afterall. Still, it was strange, Sirius very rarely flushed in the face, the tops of his ears were possibly the only places that were able to turn a different colour.

“We’ve done some training,” he explained, pushing himself to his feet. Harry immediately stepped inside, offering him a hand and James took it with a smile, letting his son pull him up. 

“Thanks, Harry.” he said, putting Sirius' wand into his back pocket. He’d need to remember that later. “Did you need anything?” 

“Yes, well.” Harry gave him a sheepish, slightly unsure smile, “Mrs. Weasley has been cooking for all of us this whole summer, so I thought we could also do something nice for her back.” 

“Oh.” James felt a strong pang near his heart. How did he get such a thoughtful son? “That’s nice of you, good idea, Harry. I’ll help out if you want to, of course.”

He reached out to ruffle his hair, delighting in the stunned but happy expression that blossomed on Harry’s face. 

“You will?”

“How could I not? But I warn you, the only thing I’m half-way good at is baking.”

Harry grinned. “That’s fine, I’m pretty decent at everything else but baking.” 

“You cooked a lot?”

“Yeah. The Dursleys had an aversion to making their own food. I’ve been cooking since I was little.” 

“I’m sure you must be pretty good at it then. I can show you this recipe for a cake my mum used to make. It tasted off when I made it, but I’m sure you’ll do it well.”

Harry's eyes seemed slightly watery as he smiled. “I’d like that.” 

After the sun had set, James set out to right whatever he managed to mess up in the morning. During the lunch, it seemed like Sirius could hardly look at him and thought he’d returned mostly to normal during dinner, there was still some sort of tension to his expressions. 

The door to Sirius’ room was open, a column of light shining into the otherwise dim hallway. James has since learned that it meant he was open to receiving whoever wanted to talk to him. 

“Hey,” James leaned against the doorway to Sirius’ room, and fought the urge to clear his throat. There was no need to act awkward, he was just over-thinking things. 

Sirius glanced up from where he was sitting on his bed with his legs crossed, a large tome seated on his lap. 

“James,” he said, his voice slightly strained. 

James pretended like he couldn’t hear it. 

“What are you working on?” he asked as he moved across the room, casually sitting down next to him.

The expression on Sirius’ face was unreadable. To anyone else, the expression might have brought uneasiness, but to James, it brought comfort. Sirius had always been harder to read for most, but to James there were little touches, minute details that spoke clearly of what Sirius was feeling. The slight, inquisitive tilt of his head and a slight press to his closed lips, no doubt because he just read something highly interesting, the relaxed set of his shoulders, the focused look in his gray eyes; to James, those features were more familiar than his own face in the mirror. 

“It’s a book about magical transformations,” Sirius told him, pointed to the pages in his lap. “I’ve been reading over the parts about animagi. This here suggests that a wizard could possibly evolve their initial form.” 

James’ lips parted in surprise. “ Evolve? That’s amazing.” 

“Right? I’ve tried the method mentioned here but it did absolutely nothing except give me a stomach ache. I wanted to look over it in case I missed something.” 

James set a hand on Sirius’ elbow as he leaned in closer to more comfortably read the mentioned passage. He hummed as he finished the text, leaning back on his arms, while Sirius stayed strangely silent. 

“Have you thought about doing it in reverse?” he asked after a moment, his mind whirling with possibilities. “The gibberish at the end looks like it could be Gobbledegook written backwards.”  

He dangled his feet in the air, then turned his head to Sirius, who was staring at him with an expression that looked like awe and something else. 

“What?” James laughed, unsure. 

“I almost forgot how brilliant you are,” Sirius admitted, that little fond smile James loved so much spreading across his lips. “It’s been so long since I was able to talk about magic like this with anyone.” 

Good, was James’ immediate thought, immediately followed by deep shame for thinking something so terrible. 

“I get that,” he said instead, “I don’t think anyone’s ever understood me as well as you do. In all things.”

There was a suspicious shine to Sirius’ eyes and James startled.

“Wait, don’t cry! If you do that I’m going to do that -” 

“Shut up, Prongs.”

James beamed. “Never.” 

Sirius shook his head with a badly hidden smile, dark hair flying around his head.

“Want to continue reading?” he asked, sounding so found James was pretty sure there were stars in his own eyes. 

“Yeah. Of course.” 

The next morning came sooner than James would have liked, the beams of sunlight fighting their way through the half-way closed curtain in his room. For a moment he considered staying in bed a little longer and forgoing the morning runs he’d picked up a few weeks back, but then he decided against it. Running was fun, and even if it had nothing on flying, it helped him get rid of some of that restless energy his body always had in such high supply. 

Some days, it felt like it helped to calm the Prongs inside him too. He was not shy to admit he enjoyed the freedom and wildness that came with the Fullmoons at Hogwarts, a brighter side to otherwise a dark reality of Remus’ werewolf transitions, and running in his human form could at least somehow replicate that. There was also the added benefit of getting out of the house for a moment, a priceless luxury that Sirius couldn’t afford. 

The sun was already shining brightly as he ran, courtesy of waking up later than usual, the heat prickling at the back of his neck and making him sweat. By the time he made it back to the house and took a shower, Grimmauld place was already busy with the kids eating breakfast and loudly laughing about Gilderoy Lockhart. 

“I still can’t believe Dumbledore even hired him. What a legend, honestly. ” Fred was just saying when James entered the kitchen, sounding both disappointed and tremendously impressed. 

James secretly thought he had quite a few words for Dumbledore himself, but after he snarled in his face in the last meeting he was allowed to (yes it was also the first), as well as accused him of not doing anything to help Sirius and essentially kidnapping Harry when he was little, it was not an understatement to say the old man has made himself scarce. 

James swung the towel he was using to dry his hair around his neck and squeezed around Remus toward the sink. 

His hair was still mostly wet, a few stray droplets sliding down his neck and James suddenly felt incredibly silly. What was he even trying to do? Just because Sirius blushed once that time in fifth year didn’t mean it was in any way connected. For all he knew, it was because of something Remus might have done earlier, not in any reaction to him. 

A loud shattering noise cut through the chatter in the room. 

James turned, staring straight at Sirius, who was standing by the door to the kitchen, his hand still clenched around the empty air that used to be his mug. 

“What-” started Remus, but by then Sirius had already flushed high on his cheeks, turned on his heel and all but fled the room. 

James blinked in confusion. 

Harry very confusingly hid a smile into his steaming cup of tea while Hermione and Ginny gaped behind Sirius, then turned their eyes to James with strange intensity. In seconds, they broke into whispers. 

James flicked his wand to clean up the mess and pretended like he couldn’t see them. 

“Surely the Order had a better place for their headquarters,” James tried one day, finally voicing the thing that had troubled him for far too long.  

“There were,” Molly admitted as she continued in sweeping the dust from nearby shelves. "But this place was quite perfect.”

“Perfect?”

“It needs a lot of work of course and there's so much dust everywhere, not to mention the hideous walls, but the Order was in agreement it was the best place for us.”

James' eyes narrowed, a glint of something dangerous reflecting deep inside.

“Best place for you,” James repeated, voice flat.

Remus blanched a little, lifting his hands in a placating motion as if James was a particularly volatile brand of hippogriff.

“Molly's right, we - well, the location enchantment is really convenient.”

James turned his gaze to him.

The silence in the room grew to an oppressive strength.

“Convenient,” he finally said, voice freezing. 

Remus glanced at him, quick and fleeting as the flapping of a hummingbird's wings. 

“Yes. Even Dumbledore said so. Finding a different place would take up too many resources.”

“I see," James said evenly, "Then those freed up resources must be going to clearing Sirius' name right? But oh wait, that’s not the case at all, is it?”

“James, I feel for Sirius, I really do, but he can't be the Order's priority right now. Not with everything going on. There’re so many things we must be focused on –”

“Can't be the priority ?” James repeated incredulously, his blood boiling at the insinuation. "You mean the Order who didn't secure him a damned trial even when they already won? The Order who left him to fucking rot while a known Deatheater is the fucking teacher of my child? 

“Boys, calm down.” Molly interjected, glancing between the two of them, clutching a ladle. “The kids will be down soon.”

“Good.” James gave her a curt glance. “They should hear it.”

“Prongs -”

“Don’t ‘Prongs’ me, explain how the Order treated him like a Deatheater for thirteen years? How did you treat him like that, never once asking for his side or trusting him? And you let the Order take Harry from him as well, when I personally made him his guardian? Tell me, Remus, whose brilliant idea was it?”

"We had no idea he was innocent."

“Oh really? We? Did you even think for yourself all these years, or did Dumledore do the thinking for you?”

“James,” Remus’ brows furrowed. “There’s no need to get so mad about it. That’s not fair, you weren’t here, you didn’t know what exactly happened. I had no choice.”

His voice was too calm, as if he were speaking to an unreasonable child. As he spoke, James could see the worried, ruffled expression on Molly’s face ease into sympathy and soon after to relief as he gazes somewhere behind him.

“Ah good! The kids are here. Get ready with setting the table, and we can eat! Chop, chop, hurry up, you two as well!” 

Remus turned away to move, quickly disappearing behind the children. James stood still in the middle of the room, looking after him with narrowed gaze. 

After a moment, there was a soft touch on his shoulder. James turned, coming face to face with bright green eyes, shining with worry.

“Dad? Are you alright?”

James let out a breath, then reached out to ruffle Harry’s hair. “Yeah, Prongslet. Let’s go eat.” 

“I won't apologize,” James told him clearly when Remus seeked him out the next day. “I'm still angry at you and I’m angry for Sirius as well. I’ll be angry for us both, because this is not something that you just sweep under the rug and act like nothing happened.”

Remus’ expression was stricken with hurt. “I thought he killed Peter, James, that he went to the Dark side and was…was…I had no other choice, it was a hard time and I really though he did it. Of course I had my doubts but...How could I have known, James? How ?”

“Well you fucking should have! Sirius would never betray me, never. How could you have even thought, after everything? How could you have believed it even for a second? I would sooner believe you were the Voldemort himself the whole time!"

Remus’ mouth fell open and James paused, chest heaving, eyes still blazing with fury. How could they, how could they all just condemn him, when Sirius risked his life everyday in the war to save all of them? When there was no one in the world who James trusted more –

“What about Peter then?” Remus said, a strange edge to his voice, “Did you suspect him? It was you who agreed to change the Secret Keeper afterall wasn’t it?”

James felt as if he had slapped him.

“If you say anything like that again,” came Sirius’ voice from the hallway, harsh and cold, freezing Remus in his place, “you’ll be collecting your teeth from the floor.”  

“I only meant –” Remus tried, but James shook his head, regaining his footing.

“I don’t care for your excuses, Remus. You still should have seen to it that Sirius had a proper trail.” 

Remus lowered his head. “...I know that now.” 

That’s not enough , James wanted to stay, but kept silent. He had only two of his friends left after all, and no matter how much one of them sucked at the moment, there was such a thing as not kicking someone already down. 

Soon enough (or in James’ opinion still not soon enough) the portkey he had ordered finally arrived and the whole house was buzzing with excitement. Arthur was excitedly counting down the hours and had Molly even bring out his old leg guards, confidently proclaiming he’d be one of the teams’ goalkeepers. 

By the time eleven striked around and they were supposed to leave, almost every member of the house had been decked out in Gryffindor dark red. James had thought about telling them it made no sense, since they would be splitting into two teams and it would only get confusing, but he didn’t have the heart. Besides, it was not that different from playing practise matches during training. 

James was, thankfully, not the odd one out. Harry had gracefully lent him one of his Quidditch uniforms, and though the material was slightly different than how it used to be during his time, putting the jersey on had still made him feel like coming home for the second time in this lifetime.

They’ve all agreed to meet downstairs in the hallway, but James still has one last stop to make.

He took the step two at the time and ended up before the now familiar door, barely stopping to give a semblance of a knock as he came in.

Sirius looked up at him in surprise from his position on the floor, multiple books lying around him, Buckbeak happily napping by his side, one of his wings held over in his lap.

James fought the urge to grin sappily and instead set down his backpack, then leaned his weight on the doorway in what he hoped was somehow graceful motion. 

Sirius’ eyes seemed to widen even more, as if he finally noticed James’ attire, the light silver darkening.

A thrill ran through James’ body, like a string echoing a drawn-out sound. The Quidditch jersey was a long shot, but he had always felt that Sirius seemed to get a little bit more spaced out whenever he wore it around him in Hogwarts. The thought that it wasn’t just him, but that he’d be like that with anyone in the jersey entered his mind, but James squashed it before it properly form, or before he could start to torture himself with Sirius’ reaction to Remus in Captain’s uniform. 

“Harry had a spare,” James said, when it seemed like Sirius was just going to stare at him and not utter a word. “It’s slightly smaller than mine, but otherwise it fits alright, don’t you think?”  

He made a show of lifting and turning his hands, covertly flexing the muscles in his arms ever so slightly. On the ground, Sirius’ eyes seemed to take on a hazy quality, his grip around the book in his lap tightening. 

James tilted his head and smiled. “It is kind of too tight around the waist though, don’t you think?”

He slid his hands down his torso, and squeezed around his small waist, then looked up at Sirius through the hair falling into his eyes and could almost swear he heard him suck in a breath. 

“Sirius?” came a sudden voice from the stairs, followed by the quickly approaching sound of steps. “Are you here?”

James felt his mood plummet, a bitter taste spreading in the back of his neck. Why did he have to come in now? 

Sirius coughed and quickly averted his gaze. The loss of his attention was like winter after a warm summer.

 “...Yeah.”

Another cough. James frowned a little, was he getting sick? It wasn’t good to always stay indoors for a reason. The grip he had around the book made the edges of his fingers turn white. “I’m here.”

James stepped to the side, reluctantly letting Remus in. He was dressed in a red sweater, though he had already told James he would only be going to watch. To boost the morale, he had said and James had smiled at that, saying the kids would surely appreciate it. Yet now the sight of him made James want to shove him back out of the room. 

“I just wanted to say goodbye before we leave,” he said, a little sheepish smile on his face as he scratched behind his neck. 

“Uh, yeah. Sure.” Sirius said, somehow not as eloquent as he usually was. Maybe he really was getting sick. “Goodbye.” 

The smile froze a little on Remus’ face, before the expression was gone and he was back to smiling. “Don’t forget to eat while we’re gone.” He added, then left the room after Sirius gave a nod. 

With him gone, James grabbed his backpack back from the floor and moved across the room to stand in front of Sirius, who gave a strange jerk as James started towards him, as if he was seriously considering retreat. 

“Dad! We’re about to leave! It’s almost time!” Harry’s voice carried from down the stairwell and James shouted back an affirmation, then quickly pulled out the thing he was looking for. 

Sirius’ fingers around the book went slack. 

“Invisibility cloak?” he asked, the question colored with edges of tentative hope. 

James nodded and threw it around him, so that only his head was visible. “We can’t have you miss something like this, can we. If you want to go, I promise to protect you from stray bludgers.”  

Sirius chuckled, the real sound that he used to make back in Hogwarts, his eyes shining with thousand lights. 

“How will you be able to do that when you can’t see me?”

James shrugged, smiling slightly, “I’ll just know. And in the worst case, you can scream like an owl to give me a hint.”

That brought out a real laugh, one that made James smile even wider in response. 

“I will be in your care then, Captain,” Sirius whispered, a hint of something else in his eyes that had breath stuttering in James’ lungs. His cheeks suddenly felt too hot, and he promptly pulled the rest of the cloak over Sirius’ head. He’d only realized his mistake when he was done. Sirius could still see him, he just couldn’t see Sirius. 

Paper rustled.

James watched as the book Sirius held before levitated into the air and then gently moved to the floor, barely making a sound. He’d almost forgot how weird it was to look at the invisibility cloak from the outside. 

“Stay close to me and be quiet, at least until we get there. The kids know what’s going on, but if Molly or Remus find out, they might have an aneurysm.”

Harry was on board immediately of course, handing him the cloak before James could even finish his idea and the others had similar reactions, even Hermione didn’t hesitate. But then, James had already learned she was fine with bending the rules when she saw fit. A useful trait to have, in his opinion. 

From the adults, James wasn’t sure about leaving Arthur in the dark. Truth be told, he’d almost bet he’d be completely fine with it. Harry did mention the whole flying car thing and he was much more understanding of Sirius’ situation, but he didn’t want to risk it, just in case he felt the need to tell Molly. If that was the case, the whole plan could have crumbled before it even had the chance to begin. 

“Aye, aye,” Sirius echoed from somewhere to his right. “Keeping quiet is my speciality.”

James chuckled, “Sure it is. Anyway, I don’t care how long I have to postpone the second game, but you’re playing it with us.”

“Was it obvious that I wanted to join?” Sirius asked, sounding slightly embarrassed.

James laughed a little, “No, just to me. Now let’s go. I want to see if we can convince Molly that the broom she’s seeing flying on her own is completely normal.” 

“As long as no one throws any balls at me.” 

“No promises. The twins are playing beaters.”

“...Sweet Merlin.”

Twelve days before the kids leave for Hogwarts, James finally got to have a meeting with the Minister of Magic about Sirius’ case. 

The scrolls that James had brought prove Sirius’ innocence in three different ways and detail his efforts and accomplishments during the war, all claims carefully supported by multiple testimonies. On an additional scroll, James had even attacked the Ministry’s action to deny him fair trial, picking the decision apart and supporting his conclusions with detailed information about other known Deatheaters, some of whom have not only gotten a trial, but were also left to go free with barely any sanctions. Cornelius Fudge barely read the first page before he set it to the side, then procured a large handkerchief from one of the pockets of his robe and dabed at his forehead. 

“Mr. Potter,” he said as he set the handkerchief down, voice clearly strained, ”I see you’ve gone to great lengths, I really do. However, you must understand that now is not the time for Ministry to deal with this.”

“You’re right,” James returned icily, “The Ministry should have dealt with this fourteen years ago.” 

Cornelius blanched a little and moved his hand away from the paper and off the table, as if the scroll bit him. His fingers twitched around the cloth still in the fist of his left hand, digging into the material. 

“Even if that were the case, I cannot just change the verdict.” Drops of sweat started to form above his brows. “What you’re proposing…cleaning his name after a sentence like that …”

He trailed off, clearly unable to continue with how much each word seemed to pain him. 

James didn’t have any sympathy for him.

“It would make the Ministry appear incompetent,” he finished drily, eyes glinting dangerously when Cornelius continued to evade his gaze. “Isn’t that what you were going to say?”

“I – that is, well –” Cornelius fumbled around for words, his face slightly reddening before it settled into a frown. “I cannot do what you’re asking of me. There is no evidence that he is innocent and I can’t in good conscience clear his name just because you’re asking me to blindly trust – ”

“I gave you fifty good reasons why he’s innocent!”

Cornelius gave a barely hidden flinch.

James stared at him, chest heaving with fury, eyes blazing. 

“I came back from the fucking dead to tell you he wasn’t behind my death. I gathered testimonies from people in the Order, Deatheaters and ordinary wizards who all swear he’d never join them, I compiled a damned list of the things some of your subordinates you treasure have so proudly done during the war –” 

A sudden ringing noise interrupted him and James’ eyes snapped to Cornelius’ other hand, the one that he had taken off the table.

“I am sorry Mr. Potter,” Cornelius said, while sounds of running feet filtered through the door behind him, “But whatever the truth is about Sirius Black, it can never come to light.” 

“You fucker!” James jumped up from his seat and reached for his wand and Cornelius’ face turned ash white. James opened his mouth, but the door flew open with a sudden force, four Aurors running into the room with their wands already drawn. The split second he was distracted was enough for Cornelius to jump out of his chair and duck behind his table. 

“Gentlemen!” he called out shrilly, “Escort Mr. Potter out of the premises.”

Four heads nodded in response. James gripped his wand tighter, eyes jumping between them. He could take at least two down, he reasoned, three if he moved fast enough. The place was too crowded and narrow, which could work in his favor. 

For a moment, the room was silent.

Then, the tallest one of them, a man with a scar over his left ear, took a step forward.

“Hand us your wand, Mr. Potter. We’ll escort you outside.”

James gave a dark chuckle. “Oh really? How kind of you.”

“Resting will only make it worse.” 

“Yes,” James tilted his head, eyes glinting, “for you.” 

One of the Aurors, a boy of short height and barely eighteen, shifted on his feet.

“I heard he once took down a whole Deatheater camp by himself, boss.” 

The other two Aurors next to him nodded vehemently. 

James only now realized just how young they all looked, even the one that spoke to him first. Now, James didn’t really have room to talk, he’d barely lived to twenty one the first time around and could hardly pass for older now, but in Auror business, what mattered was the experience. From the reverent looks in their eyes, it was clear these boys grew up hearing stories from the older Aurors about the war, and the names Potter and Black must had been dropped many times. 

“Why are you still not doing anything?” Cornelius demanded, only his hat and eyes peeking out from behind the table. “If he’s resisting, attack him!” 

The shorter Auror shuffled his feet. The noise was almost comically loud in the quiet after Cornelius’ outburst. The leader of the group had a complicated expression on his face. 

“No need,” James finally said, “I’ll go with you.” The way all four of the Aurors seemed to deflate in relief almost made him smile, but a look towards Cornelius’ victorious eyes behind the table had his chest filling with fire again. 

There was no use to talking to him, he realized. He could bring Voldemort himself to say Sirius’ was never with him and the man would argue it could only be Voldemort’s doppelganger playing pretend. He’d never willingly admit the Ministry was wrong while Sirius was still alive. 

“Just one last thing,” he uttered over his shoulder to the Aurors, and moved with a few quick steps to the table. Cornelius squeaked as James grabbed him by the collar of his robes and pulled him out, his eyes wide in the face of the glare James leveled him with. 

“This is for your willingness.” James said with a smile, then promptly decked the Minister of Magic across the face. 

It did end up in the fight, but James didn’t regret it - thought he felt kind of bad for attacking those Aurors. He really meant to leave peacefully...at some point...probably.

The look on Ron’s face as he opened the door of Grimmauld place was so priceless James kind of wanted to frame it. 

“W-what?” he gaped, his mouth falling open, “How did – What? And is that blood ?” 

James patted him on the shoulder as he squeezed past him, “Don’t worry about it. Just a fight in the Ministry.” 

“A fight where ?!”

James laughed, then regretted it a little when it pulled at his abused lip. 

“That’s not an answer,” Ron bellowed and ran after him like a lost little duckling, then skidded to the stop when he almost collided on the stairs with Sirius. 

“Hey, Padfoot,” James greeted casually as he stopped in the middle of the stairs, blood still smudged on his cheek and by the corner of his mouth. 

Sirius stared at him. “Why do you look like that?”

“Well -”

“If you say ‘I was born this way’ ,” Sirius warned, “I will choke you.” 

Ron sputtered and seemed to choke on a laugh. 

James smiled innocently, although that was exactly what he was about to say. Sirius glared, clearly recognising that and before James could protest, he was already dragging him towards upstairs and towards his room, leaving the bewildered Ron behind. The wood creaked loudly beneath their feet. James let himself be pulled. 

“It’s good that I ran to you so soon actually, I have something to tell you.”

“Is it connected to why you’re covered in blood?” 

“Hardly covered,” James argued, then faltered when he noticed how tight Sirius’ grip seemed to be around him, the tenseness to Sirius’ eyes. He must have been worried…

“Sirius -”

The only response he got was the tightening of Sirius’ fingers around his wrist. 

The door to Sirius’ room fell shut behind them, leaving them only with sleeping Buckbeak for the company.

James stilled. The hand Sirius had around his wrist was trembling. 

“Hey,” James said softly, reaching out, “I’m alright. I got into an, admittedly, stupid fight, but. I’m fine. Really.”

Sirius’ gray eyes were rimmed red as he looked at him. The thunderclap of pain that hit James at the sight had the potential to push him to the ground.

James squeezed where he was holding, just slightly above his elbow. Sirius returned the motion, as if needing to ensure James was still there. 

Slowly, Sirius wetted his lips, something hesitant on his face. 

“When I saw you, I first…I saw –” he stopped  with a frustrated sigh, dark hair falling into his face as shook his head. “You were alone and I, I can’t even be out there…It’s, it’s all wrong, James.”

James swallowed around the lump that was growing in his throat like thorns.

“I know. I want nothing more than to have you by my side too.”

There was a small intake of breath across him, quiet enough that James thought he might have just imagined it. 

“That’s why I’m like this, you know,” James’ lips cracked into a small, aching smile. “I keep acting reckless because I’m expecting you to always be there and back me up.” 

 Sirius’ eyes seemed to blaze, lightning trapped in a bottle.

“It always made me feel invincible, fearless. And I thought, well, fuck it if I don’t try my best to get you out of this stupid house, no matter what it takes, right? So I went and punched the Minister of Magic in the face today when he refused to declare you innocent.” 

“I gave him ten Merlin-forsaken scrolls of evidence and he barely glanced at it, that sheep. I think he shit in his pants at some point because he called this group of Aurors on me and then acted surprised when I didn’t just roll over –” 

Sirius leaned and kissed him. 

James’ whole being trembled to its core.

They kissed and James was eleven again and he was holding his first wand and there was magic blooming from under his fingertips, because Sirius was kissing him and pulling him closer and James pushed against him as well, arms sliding up his arms, to his shoulders, a hand tangling in the hair he wanted to touch for so long. 

Sirius’ hand cupped his cheek, thumb brushing past his cheekbone with such a gentleness that James wanted to cry forever. 

They parted, barely a breath of space between them, both breathing heavily.

One of Sirius’ hands had slipped low around James’ waist, the other sliding around to the back of his neck, fingers twisted in his hair. The silver of his eyes shone brighter than James had ever seen in, disbelief and awe and love that seemed so clear and bright it could guide ships back home across seven seas.

James wished for time to stop so he could have this moment forever. 

He was stupid before, blind. How could he have ever thought this sort of devotion could ever be shaken? Of course that when Sirius loved, he did it with his whole being, his whole soul. That it was him who Sirius chose instead of Remus, that it was him who his eyes burned so bright for - James died once, but even that didn’t feel like a proper repayment for getting to have this. 

“James,” Sirius whispered as if he just wanted to say his name, as if he was as shaken by this all as James was, and James smiled at him, even as his eyes got blurry, and leaned in to kiss him again.

At breakfast, James leaned down to plant a kiss at the corner of Sirius’ lips, then sat down with a smile and watched the pandemonium unfold. Strangely enough, most of them seemed only excited, instead of confused, while Harry happily sat next to them, grinning because he was already made well aware of the news. 

Outside of the window, an owl was headed to the Grimmauld place, carrying a new issue of the Daily Prophet with a headline that would shake the world.

‘SIRIUS BLACK INNOCENT. J.POTTER GIVES STAGGERING PROOF AND PROVES MINISTRY IS AT FAULT. TEN MINISTERS LEFT POSITION DUE TO REVEALED CORRUPTION. AZKABAN TRIALS REINVESTIGATION. DUMBLEDORE CALLED TO ANSWER.’

And under it, in the left column, a photo of Cornelius Fudge with a large bruise on his face, hiding behind a pillar as spells and curses fly past. ‘OUT WITH THE FUDGE: JAMES POTTER AND THE AMBUSH OF THE MINISTRY. More on page 11’ 

Soon enough, James thought as he set that day to bed, his heart singing at being wrapped in Sirius’ arms, Soon enough the world will remember the names Potter and Black for the right reasons again.

Or maybe, just one name would suffice. Potter-Black.