Martyr

February 2020 — Middle of fifth year.
When I met him, being as honest as I can, I'm sure he hated me, hated me with every ounce of strength a fourteen-year-old body possessed, and we're talking about Regulus Black, there's been a lot of hate inside him ever since he put feet in the world.

When I met him, Regulus basically lived on the strength of hate, in the literal sense of the phrase.

I, of course, met Regulus through Sirius, however, however, however, I saw Regulus first.

He was actually the first person I saw as soon as I set foot in the boarding school.

I transferred to Hogwarts boarding school in my fifth year, after being expelled from my old school for pulling a nasty prank on my old headmistress, Dolores Umbridge, who immediately transferred me and almost sued my parents, but thanks to me, there was no, no proof that it was me who accidentally stuck all the things in her office, including her, with permanent glue, precisely on the day of the general test.

But she knew it was me, which makes me completely offended that she got to me so quickly.

Okay, it was me, but still.

When my mother transferred me to an all — boys boarding school, I was really upset, and at the same time, ecstatic, the prospect of not seeing a single girl for the next 6 years discouraged me, but knowing that I would spend all day with people from my age without my parents around — who are the only people who can keep me in line — left me in pure joy.

Regulus was assigned to introduce me to the boarding school, and when I saw him, frankly, I thought it was some kind of mistake, because normally it was friendly and kind people who welcomed new students, but Regulus didn't even ask my name when he saw me, He simply started walking, without waiting to see if I would follow him, and showed me every necessary room in the boarding school, saying only the names of the places and nothing else.

The same night I arrived, I was assigned to one of the dormitories in Gryffindor house, the first house I chose, the headmaster, Dumbledore, told me that it was pure luck that I made it, as the dormitories were full, but a few days before my Upon arrival, a student asked to be transferred because, according to him, “Living with that bunch of crazy people was driving me crazy, I refuse to be in the same common room as them.”

The teacher at his side and also my new head of house, Minerva McGonagall, gave me the power to choose to move to any house immediately if I felt uncomfortable with the other students, but asked that I at least give them a chance, I denied his first sentence, saying that he didn't need to worry, that he liked challenges.

I'm sure she bitterly regrets not transferring me to Hufflepuff as soon as she had the chance.

It turns out that I got along very well with my roommates, so well that they are my best friends to this day, so well that we barely went a month without getting into trouble.

The best three people I've ever met, and they're truly compatible with me on absurd levels.

Remus Lupine, an exemplary student, entered boarding school with a 100% scholarship, gets the highest grades in his year, the best essays and looks like a walking calculator, a prodigy, polite, official announcer for the games, helped the first years, A little shy, but definitely outgoing, he would be the perfect student model.

It would be, if he didn't have the most colourful list of swear words I've ever known, his sarcasm would appear at inappropriate times, if he weren't a magnet for trouble, always getting into fights because there were some really idiotic boys who kept calling him she or insulting their financial condition.

Which is a big mistake, considering that Remus can actually take down a guy twice his size thanks to his father, John Lupin, a former professional boxer and current boxing teacher.
Remus was practically born with gloves on his hands, but he gets along just fine without them.

Peter Pettigrew, a shy, quiet and introverted person, has some low degree of OCD and can see every trace of dirt for miles around, but is surprisingly messy, has a big problem talking to women who are younger than 40 and is honestly, the most adorable boy I've ever met, he's understanding and friendly, a real sweetheart of a person, but don't let his cute face fool you, he's an evil mastermind.

Created by a couple made up of a psychologist and a psychiatrist, he has a brilliant ability to read people very quickly, so he always knows what to say to teachers, he always knows which people to talk to get what he wants, and he is An endless source of gossip, he sees and notices things that no one should notice, like PomPom's affair with Aunt Minnie, which I would never imagine.

He lies very well too, but not as well as the last one on the short list.

Sirius Black, has had more etiquette lessons than the Queen, knows how to be polite and composed, speaks five languages, English, Italian, Japanese, Spanish and French, completely obsessed with poetry, official presenter of any school event, knows everyone and everyone knows him, he plays the violin and the harp, — I didn't even know that harps still existed — a brilliant mind, that's what he is, he knows more than all of us combined because he studies from the cradle.

But even so, he only gets high enough grades to pass the year, he barely pays attention in class, he loves to tease his teachers, and he loves even more to push the people around him to the limit, known as the problem boy by many, due to his He has a huge sense of protection over his two best friends — and now, me too — Peter and Remus, which gets him into more fights a week than you could count on your fingers.

He, besides being melodramatic, is the best liar I've ever met, he always knows what to say, what to do and how to do it, somehow, he has alibis and proof of things he didn't really do and places he really was not.

He would be the first person I would call for a crime, not just because of the incredible list of contacts — for a 15 — year — old boy — he has or his ability to lie without getting caught, but because I'm sure he's crazy sufficient to accept the proposal.

I don't know exactly why this trio, after having kicked 13 students out of their dorm, took me in, but they did, they did, and I am eternally grateful to them for that, because nowadays, I don't know what I would do without them in my life.

The night I arrived, there was no one in the dorm, so I settled in the spare part of the room — I threw my bags on the floor and went to sleep — only to wake up the next day with a bucket of paint as soon as I walked through the hallway door.

It was skin paint.

I was completely green on my first day of school.

That's how I met them, with them watching me from the stairs as the paint spread.

And of course, they didn't stop there, there were pranks after pranks, I went blonde for a week, lost my glasses, my uniform magically became a female uniform, and I went through three classes in a skirt until Minerva saw me walking and gave me another uniform, and so on.

But well, we're talking about James Potter, I wouldn't leave it cheap.

— Potter, there are at least 15 vacant beds in several houses for you to stay in, why stay where you are when you see that you won't be well received? — Minerva asked me, for the thousandth time, too tired for the desperation in her voice to be covered.

— Why don't you punish them? I didn't hear about any detentions — I heard Mom's voice on Skype, she was furious.

— There is no proof that they are the ones doing this to your son, Doctor Potter, but if you convince him to leave the dorm, I'm sure it will stop — said Dumbledore, his voice neutral as always.
— James-

— No, mom, don't worry, everything is under control — I interrupted her, smiling at the camera and enjoying the desperate look she gave me, and my father, by her side, clearly trying to hold back his laughter.

— James, you're green for the second time, you're dressed like Santa Claus, and with the addition of an inflatable reindeer that's attached to a rope behind you, how does it feel to be in control?

— Stay at peace, mom, everything will be fine. And Grinch has always been my favorite Christmas movie and I've already named my new reindeer Rudolph,” I replied, laughing loudly when not even Minerva could hold back the little nasal laugh she let out.

I denied all of my mother's requests for me to change rooms and started my pranks.

I started low, of course, scientific experiments were exploding, I changed the lock on the door during the weekend when I was going home and only I had the key, I hid some personal items.

And then it increased.

I had the room to myself, because they magically ended up in the Slytherin commons, with their suitcases and all, Remus had his hair bleached while he slept, I plucked out an eyebrow and a half of Peter's before he woke up, I poured a bucket of pink paint on all of Sirius's clothes, and replaces his shampoo with a nasty mixture of rotten things I found in the kitchen at home.

When the three of them woke up in the black lake on top of waterbeds, they considered me worthy of their friendship, and finally, they spoke to me.

Because there’s this, they hadn’t really said “Hi” to me in all this time.

A few months later, they told me why they were so insufferable to anyone who entered their dorm, and I understood their reasons, and honestly, I would act the same way if it were me.

Everyone had their reasons, Sirius didn't feel safe sleeping with anyone around, so he spent almost 4 months just napping in class when they entered first year. Remus had severe dysphoria and couldn't bear to change around anyone other than these two, and at least 6 of the 13 boys who came by were transphobic. Peter was a victim of bullying by almost all the boys, so he was extremely uncomfortable when there was another unknown person in the dorm, he was ashamed to change, ask for help to understand a lesson or even clean the dorm, for fear of his OCD getting worse.
apparent.

It ended up that they caused this, they expelled their colleagues to protect each other, keeping each individuality secret, and I didn't judge them for that, I couldn't, they had their more than plausible reasons.

After that, of course, it was a process, a long process full of distrust for me to finally be included in their group.

I don't know how long it took for Peter to change in front of me, Sirius spent more than 5 months napping and barely standing due to lack of sleep, Remus didn't go without coats or binders in the dorm for long.

Peter only felt comfortable cleaning the dorm for the first 3 months when I wasn't there, and I politely left for a while each day when I saw him getting too distressed.

Remus took much longer to talk to me about anything that was socially considered “girly”, afraid that I would see him in a different light.

Sirius put me in a headlock when I crouched down next to his bed, when he was sleeping, to pick up a dropped pencil.

It was a process, a long, tiring and unstable process, but I was understanding and adapted to them and they tried their best to adapt to me too, and that's what matters in the end.
Because they are the best people I could ask to have as friends, and I can't imagine myself without them and their quirks.

At the end of the fifth year, we were already inseparable, many things about them still left me confused at that time, I knew that I didn't know all the important information to understand why they were like that, so full of traumas and fears, but I also knew that if they If they wanted to tell me, they would tell me.

One day, when Regulus passed us in the hallway, a few weeks after the start of third year, giving a slight wave that the three of them readily responded to, I started complaining about the guy.

— Do you know him? I asked as soon as he was out of earshot.

— Yes, of course yes, he's my brother, man — Sirius replied, looking at me strangely, and I realized at that moment the similarity between the two, how similar they are.

— Is he Regulus? What do you talk about so much? Your little brother? — I had to confirm, because the way Sirius said it, Regulus was adorable, annoying but adorable, and not… that.

— Did not you know? I thought he welcomed you when you arrived, wasn't he the one who introduced you to the school? — Remus asked me, evaluating me and looking at the back of a Regulus who was already very far away from us.

— It was him, yes, but how the hell would I know he was Regulus? He didn't even ask me my name, there was no room for me to ask his — I said, starting to get irritated when I remembered the situation — That idiot didn't even say “Hi” to me, he walked around, told me the names of some places , and then he left, he disappeared like smoke, leaving me lost in the middle of the central courtyard, I had to find the principal's office alone, which of course, he didn't insist on going through it, during the damn school presentation — I complained, gesturing with my hands, unable to keep still — I don't know what kind of reception policy this school follows, but usually kind people welcome students.

I said finally, raising my arms in the air, my voice an octave higher than necessary, drawing the attention of the students around me and promptly ignoring them, and they, idiots as they were, began to laugh, crowding each other to get signed.

— I'm being serious here — I grumbled, frowning.

— I... know — Peter said, between snorts — It's just that, you never lost your temper, not even with us, your “angry” face is really hilarious.

— Of course he could get you out of it, he can get everyone out of it, I don't know why I thought you would be a match for him — Sirius said, already recovering from his laughing fit.

— He wasn't supposed to come get you, fourth years can't do that — Peter said, bracing himself against the wall and wiping some tears from the corners of his eyes.

— Not even grumpy people — Sirius added, smiling mischievously, always finding an opening to offend his brother, making Remus roll his eyes.

— Then why did he go?

— Really, he wasn't supposed to come and receive you, Sirius was supposed to go, but as Reggie owed me a favor and Minerva didn't specify which Black she wanted to do the job, Regulus went in Pads' place for me — Remus explained to me, smiling.

“Well, he clearly wasn't very happy about paying back the favor,” I grumbled again, rolling my eyes.

— No, he didn't — Peter agreed, smiling — He left really angry to go get you.

And the conversation died there.

I didn't have much contact with Regulus during my fifth year, I only saw him in the corridors and on the rare occasions when he and Sirius were together fighting or he and Remus were together talking, and he would give me a polite wave and nothing more.

To tell the truth, I had no contact with him until the beginning of my sixth year, when I met him in the astronomy tower.

It was past curfew, and I was walking through the halls, heading to the astronomy tower and escaping the crazy janitor in the meantime.

I was going there because it had a better signal, to send a message to my parents, since I hadn't sent anything for a few days, and the school signal is terrible everywhere else, but when I got there, I found him sitting on the old sofa that was in this room.

And he was hurt, not badly, but even with just the moonlight shining on the place, I could see the cut on his lip, the bruise on his cheekbone and his bruised wrists, and there was still some blood coming out of his chest. His nose instantly made me worry that he might have broken it.

He was cleaning his wounds, I belatedly realized.

It didn't even occur to me to try to get out of there and not help, because no matter how much of an asshole the guy was, he was Sirius' brother and Remus's best friend.
And I honestly didn't want to go.

— Hey, man, any help there? — I said, approaching me, and he seemed to finally notice my presence, jumping in fright, but as soon as he recognized me, he frowned.

— No — he replied, his voice hoarse and serious, and it was strange to hear a fifteen — year — old boy with a voice as serious and stable as his, my own failed sometimes, and I was older than him!

“That's a shame, because I'm going to help anyway,” I said happily, ignoring his grumbles and protests as I gently pushed him back to make room for me.

— I don't want your help, get lost and leave me alone — he said, taking the first aid kit away from me when I reached over to take it.

— My mother is a doctor and I'm a clumsy person, I've had a lot of injuries and I took care of them all as soon as I learned, I'm sure I can do this better than you — he seemed to want to deny it, to say that he would know better than me I never knew, but he had no reason to, or perhaps he didn't want to say it out loud, so reluctantly, seeing that it was best for him, he handed me the box in silence.

To my relief, no bones were broken, but in addition to the other injuries he had, there were several scratches on his face, and every place I applied cotton with serum, there was blood, even with all the injuries, he remained neutral, like If he didn't care about the injuries, he wouldn't even feel them.

— They did a lot of damage to you, man — I said, breaking the silence as I applied cotton dipped in serum over a particularly bloody cut between his eyebrows, it's a miracle he doesn't need stitches, but instead of helping the wound Miracle keeps happening, he frowned at me.

— He got worse — were his words, his voice completely soaked in disdain and hatred.

As usual.

— Who got it worse-

— Regulus Arcturus Black — my question was interrupted by the loud shouts of Remus, who didn't look happy at all as he walked through the wooden doors, he stopped for a moment when he saw me, looking very surprised that I was here — I don't blame him — but it was matter of seconds, because as soon as his eyes fell on Regulus, he erased my presence from his mind — What the hell did I already say to you?

Regulus was staring at him, not seeming surprised by the sudden arrival, he also didn't seem to care much about what Remus was saying, because he urged me to go back to cleaning his wounds, taking my hand and pressing it over a cut, which I promptly did.

— You could have been seriously hurt! Or some teacher could have seen it, someone could have reported it to the principal or whatever, you could have gotten fucking detention, Regulus — he said, gesturing strongly and getting closer with each word spoken — I already told you not to. To do this, don't get into fights, especially when you're the one throwing the first punch! What if this reaches your parents' ears? You have to stop doing this.

— No — Regulus replied, indifferently, and Remus sighed in a way that seemed like this situation was physically tiring him, this conversation had clearly been repeated several times.
— You could get into serious trouble.

— He deserved.

— I'm not a damsel in distress for you to go around defending my honor, Regulus, and they won't stop with all this shit, no matter how many punches you throw at their empty heads — Remus grumbled and threw himself into one of the antique armchairs.

“No, you're Remus, and I'm going to defend your shitty honor as many times as I want, because you're my best friend,” Regulus said, his voice was monotone and his features were neutral, but I could see it in his eyes, I could read between the lines.

That sentence didn't have the word love in it, but I'm sure it was Regulus' way of saying that he loved him, that he wouldn't leave.

He put an apparent end to the discussion, so we sat in silence as I applied ointment to the wounds.

— This is going to kill you, Reggie — Remus said after a while, his voice softer, almost a whisper, and for some reason, it sounded like he was talking about something other than the discussion at hand.

He only received a shrug in response, as if it wasn't a problem for him, as if he didn't care.

Because he didn't care, Regulus never cared about dying.

When Remus and I were going back to our common, after leaving Regulus at his, Remus kept mumbling all the time about "stupid protective Blacks", or how they're going to kill each other because of how faithful they are.

Somewhere between the Gryffindor common room and the prefects' bathroom, Remus spoke directly to me.

— He's going to kill himself like that one day, you know — he said, but it seemed like he just wanted to be heard, so I stayed quiet — He protects me from all the idiots who talk about me behind my back, and gets Sirius out of so many troubles, that you could barely tell — he said, letting out a laugh that sounded bitter at the time, today I understand that it had a touch of bitterness, but it was more sad than anything, it was a laugh with regret — He should receive more credit because of that, actually.

He was silent for a while longer, lost in his thoughts, and when we were turning the corner of our common room, he spoke one last time.

— The truth about Regulus Black is that he is a true martyr, he puts everyone above him, and ends up forgetting himself, in favor of protecting his own, and that will kill him one day.

I didn't agree with Remus at the time, in fact I didn't understand very well, especially because Regulus always seemed distant from Sirius, he always seemed to not care about him, but Remus would know better, and as much as I don't think a fight to defend Remus would classified as a martyr, I didn't argue.

—

December 2020 — Middle of sixth year.

I realized how wrong I was months later when we were on Christmas break.

It was December and I was at home, we were all on vacation, my dad and I were playing chess and my mom was somewhere in the house when the doorbell rang repeatedly, we were a little confused, especially because we hadn't called anyone but the doorman. didn't notice the entrance, which meant it could only be someone nearby.

— Let me go — he said to my father, who was about to get up, and I received a nod in response.

I walked to the door hurriedly, wanting that company to stop playing as quickly as possible, I had never realized that it was so annoying until that moment.
As he was leaving the corridor, the doorbell abruptly stopped ringing, and silence took over the room.

Curious, I walked more slowly, cautiously to the door and as soon as I looked through the peephole, I felt a wave of adrenaline enter my blood, it's a hallucinating desperation, I opened the door so fast that it hit the wall with a bang.

— What the hell is that? — I asked, already heading towards Sirius' unconscious body, which was being supported by his brother, who seemed to be just as hurt — What happened? Damn it, Regulus, come in already. MOTHER! MOTHER! — I called her, not giving the youngest time to respond, shouting, as I picked Sirius up on my lap and took him into the house.

Sirius had bruises all over his body, those sweatpants and single — sleeved blouse didn't hide anything, his body was limp, completely unconscious, his breathing was shallow, his face was almost unrecognizable, purple and swollen, with blood in some places, the split lip.

What worried me most was the alarming amount of blood that had stained his shirt.

— What was — Oh my God! — said my mother as soon as I arrived in the room, with Sirius in my arms and Regulus on my back, my father jumped when he saw the situation — We need to go to a hospital, Fleamont get the key-

— No, no, don't do that, you can't, Sirius can't go to a hospital — Regulus replied, before my mother had even finished speaking.

— You are crazy? Have you seen your brother's condition? He has more blood outside his body than inside,” I shouted at Regulus, in disbelief at what he had just heard.

— You don't understand, if I needed a hospital, I would go to one, he needs to be treated, his mother is a doctor — he shouted back, but he didn't seem angry, he seemed desperate, completely hallucinated by the idea of Sirius being taken to a hospital.

— James, put Sirius on the couch, Fleamont, get my things — my mother said, assuming her doctor persona, and I looked at her like she was crazy.
— What? Mother? Look at the amount of blood he has on his shirt, he needs medical help in a hospital, not in our room.

— The blood on your shirt is mine, Potter, I carried you here, my hand is cut — Regulus responded, only then did I remember that he was also injured, but even so, he took Sirius from my lap and carried him to me. the couch.

— Why can't we go to a hospital? — I questioned again, watching my mother check Sirius' vital signs.

— Because our parents contacted us, Potter, we are still minors.

— Wouldn't that be good? Why can't they know?

— They know.

— What? And they didn't take you to the doctor? What the fuck? — my brain was collapsing, I couldn't think of a logical solution, pay attention to my mother with Sirius and see if Regulus' injuries were serious enough.

At least he's conscious.
— Where do you think the bruises came from, James? — my father asked, coming in with the huge box of first — and second — aid that my mother had.

And then I understood.

The world seemed to shake a little when I understood the implications of Regulus and my father, and all the other signs Sirius showed, the fear, the constant alertness, the difficulty sleeping, the fact that he wasn't very physical with adults, no matter how that he is almost clingy with anyone under 18, all those scars that he couldn't hide, his aggressive reflexes.

Suddenly, everything made a lot more sense in my head and I felt like the biggest idiot in the world for not realizing what was so obvious.

These two brothers who acted so strangely, but as clear as water.

Apparently, Regulus had reason to know how to care for injuries better than I did.

— Where? — I asked the only conscious Black abruptly, taking a few steps towards him, only to see him step back, moving away from me.

— What? — he asked, extremely attentive to me and any movement my body made.

— You have a cut on your hand, other than that, is there anywhere else that is hurt? — I asked, without moving, waiting for an answer.
“That's all that matters,” he said.

— That doesn't answer my question.

— I'm fine, I just need to rinse and wash — he said, clearly feeling anything but fine.

Apart from the dark circles under his eyes, which could be mistaken for marks from punches, he had a few scratches on his face, a bruise on his jaw, and the rest was covered by his clothes.
"Let me take care of that at least," I said, looking pleadingly, turning to Sirius briefly before turning to him once more.

“He would like that”

— Right — he replied, approaching cautiously, my father made sure he was on the other side of the room, away from Regulus.

The next few minutes passed in silence, with only the noises of my mother and I working on the two Black's.

I couldn't stop my mind from wandering, from thinking about all the moments Sirius felt uncomfortable and I didn't notice, all the times he saw his parents, when they picked him up at the start of each holiday, how tense he arrived at the beginning of classes, how his smile was faded during that period, until he regained his shine again.

Like whenever his parents were mentioned in a conversation, he just said it wasn't a good relationship.

To think that all this time, he was being abused and I didn't realize it.

Looking back, seeing everything that now seems obvious, I think maybe I closed my eyes to it.

— Do you want tea, Regulus? — my father offered as soon as I finished bandaging his hand and cleaning the bruises on his face.

Regulus had been tense since he entered here, almost an hour ago, and he continues to be so, not taking his eyes off Sirius for even a second, and much less being unaware of the presence of my father, who noticed, and preferred to hover in the kitchen, or on the door frame.

— No, sir — he replied, like a robot, and after a moment, he stood up — You will take care of him, right? — he addressed me, looking at me with intensity.

— Of course yes — he answers, without even thinking.

It wasn't an option not to take care of him.

Regulus didn't look very convinced, his eyes narrowed, sizing me up, and I couldn't even be offended, he had every reason to be.

— Alright, thank you very much, Mr. and Mrs. Potter for taking care of him, I'm leaving — he said, heading towards the front door with quick steps.

— What? — my father and mother said at the same time, my mother coming out of her stupor for the first time, looking at the back of the boy who had just turned the corner.

— What the hell? — I ran to the entrance, preventing him from leaving — Where are you going?

“To the mansion,” he replied, as if it were obvious.

— You will return? I asked in disbelief.

Could it be that he has a head injury and I didn't notice?

— I have no choice, Potter, if I did, I wouldn't be there — he replied through gritted teeth, trying to get past me to get to the door.

— You're not going back to that place, are you crazy? — I stopped him from passing, and he seemed to get more and more angry, pointing his finger at my chest.

— You don't understand, do you? It's not a choice, Potter, and most importantly, it's not your choice.

“You'll die if you go back,” I shouted.

“Sirius will die if I don't come back,” he shouted back.

— What? Sirius will stay here, he will be safe!

— Exactly, Potter, and how do you think Walburga and Orion will be when they realize we're missing? Do you really think they're going to let two heirs escape? The answer is no, they won't, they will come after Sirius if I stay here, and Sirius can't take it anymore, he needs peace, he needs to heal, he needs to get away from them — Regulus was shouting, anger coming out in every lyric he uttered, but his eyes were filled with terror and fear, fear at the very idea of Sirius returning there.

— Call the police, arrest them, anything, just don't go back there!

— They are fucking billionaires, politicians and owners of one of the biggest industries in the country, do you really think they would be arrested? Do you really think they will be the ones who get screwed in the end? Everyone in this house will be dead before you know it, James, including you. They're not as bad to me as they are to Sirius, have you seen him? He's been unconscious for two hours, James, two hours. They will settle for me, they will leave him alone and Sirius can live!

— Do you really think he's going to live knowing you're still there? — I replied, with a low voice, looking at the boy in front of me, who looked more broken than I had ever seen him.
"He can at least try," he replied, and when he tried to leave again, I didn't stop him.

I stared at the door for what seemed like hours but was no more than minutes, thinking about the boy who just walked out that door.
— We can't do anything, son, not now — my father said, placing a hand on my shoulder and squeezing it.

— What if it's too late when we have the power to do something? — I whispered back, thinking about the thousand and one scenarios of what would happen from now on.
— It won't be, this is my case, and we're going to get that boy out of there.

“Alive, I hope” I thought, but didn’t say.

I thought about how Remus once, many months before, he said:

“The truth about Regulus Black is that he is a true martyr, he puts all people above himself, and ends up forgetting himself, in favor of protecting his own, and that will kill him one day.”
There, looking at that piece of wood that prevented me from going after Regulus, who had just given up living his own life, to save his brother, putting himself at risk because of it, I think that yes, he was right.

Regulus Black is a true martyr, and it will kill him one day.

—

As soon as Sirius regained consciousness, he punched me.

Then another, then another, and then another.

And I let him, because he was right.

With each blow, Sirius asked how I was able to let him back, how I was able to let him fall into their clutches again, how I was able to abandon his little brother.
At some point he stopped punching, I believe it was when my father took him off me.

Then he called me all the names that Remus taught him, and a thousand others that I didn't know, he said cruel, really cruel things and blamed me for putting him in the lion's cage again, for sending him to his death with the scheduled date. And I remained silent, because he was right, it was my fault, I was the one who let him come back, I was the one who prioritized Sirius, even though I knew that wasn't what he would want.

At some point, Mom asked me to go upstairs, so he could calm down, and I almost refused, distressed by the prospect of leaving him alone, even though my parents were there, it didn't seem the same.

But I went, because I knew it would be better this way.

And then, at some point in the morning, Sirius walks into my room without knocking, and hugs me, and I hug him back, because I understand how much it must hurt right now.

Then he cries, he cries much more than I thought was humanly possible, he cries about being unable to go back there, he cries about knowing that if he went back there he wouldn't make it out alive, he cries for his brother, and he cries for his parents be fucking politicians, because he knows that means justice is not in his favor, not even with my family's name at stake, he cries at the possibility of something happening to Regulus and all of them if this were somehow leaked to the media.

He cries because his brother is so good, he cries because his brother loves him and he wants him to hate him, so that he can save himself.

He cries for a brother he hasn't lost yet, but who he's sure will.

He cries, wishing he had switched places with his brother, and that he was here, safe.

He cries for being born, and breaking every piece of my heart, Sirius cries to die, "Because things would be easier that way, wouldn't they?"

At that moment, the only thing I wanted to do was kill Orion and Walburga Black, for doing this to two wonderful children, for breaking them to the point where they couldn't be broken, for making them wish for death, for making them have to choose between death and prison for a bloody 15 years.

But I can't, so the only thing I do is hug Sirius tighter.

—

December 2020 — Middle of sixth year.

The last few weeks of vacation were difficult, the house seemed to have a gloomy air, my father didn't leave the office, very worried about Regulus, trying to select enough evidence for the Blacks to be arrested, without the possibility of justice passing its hand, not only as abusers, but as corrupt.

According to Sirius, they are corrupt even before they enter politics, doing favors here and there, and with his help, maybe they can get information and names to put on the list.

Mom seemed most worried of all, checking Sirius every few hours the entire time he was at my house, looking for any trace of bruises she might have missed, looking at him closely every time and almost overwhelming him with so many questions.

I wonder how Sirius didn't get tired of this, but I believe he has never received an excess of affection and concern like this from a motherly figure, perhaps he hasn't received anything in his entire life, and now, perhaps he wants to take advantage of something he never did. he had.

Sirius himself was in a way I had never seen before.

He looked miserable, he spent a lot of time looking at specific spots on the wall, he rarely slept, only when he was taking some kind of medicine, he didn't eat as much as he used to and he lost a few pounds, and worst of all, Sirius talked.

This may not make sense to some people, but Sirius was the most outgoing and talkative person I had ever met, as shameless as he was, an enemy of shyness, but on the other hand, I knew more about Remus' personal life than I did. Sirius.

He never talked about this part of his life, he came back quieter than ever after vacation, and then pretended nothing had happened.
Sirius was the type of person who talked a lot, but never about himself.

However, during this vacation I learned much more about Sirius than I believe anyone knows.

Sirius couldn't sleep, and on many nights, I would join him in his nightly routine, bringing tea and biscuits that remained untouched, because Sirius didn't eat and neither did I, and we would remain silent until a certain point in the night, when the pain was gone. too much, and he needed to talk.

I learned a lot of disturbing things about Sirius' childhood because of this.

I learned about Walburga Black's fixation with broken glass, and that more than half of the scars he had were the result of Walburga's sadism.

Sirius told me several stories, but one in particular left me almost completely terrified.

A little over a year ago, the Black family went on a trip abroad, to France, their country of origin, obviously it wasn't a vacation, they weren't going to visit distant relatives, no, Black's didn't take vacations, it was a business trip , specifically, a marriage arrangement.

Sirius and Regulus were 12 and 11 years old, respectively.

When Sirius discovered the true nature of the trip, he went completely mad.

He was desperate at the possibility of putting Regulus with some random girl as soon as he turned 18, and the thought of him being trapped in an arranged marriage, something he wouldn't be able to escape, especially since things like that happened for contracts worth millions, Sirius came up with a plan.

Regulus was not informed about the purpose of the trip, neither by Sirius nor by his parents, because of this, he remained oblivious to it, without knowing the real reason until the present time, so he was not involved in the plan.

Sirius decided he would ruin any chance for him and Regulus of having any arranged marriage, both now and later.

To do this, Sirius had to tarnish the family name with something so low that not even the worst families would be interested in family alliances.

Sirius said he spread the word that Regulus and he were infertile.

Of course, for us ordinary people, this is not as big a blow as it is for rich people like Sirius, because they work with bloodlines, a family without at least two heirs per generation, was a family doomed to fail.

Families like his were very fixated on blood children.

The news, of course, spread like wildfire, and when they least expected it, the entire wealthy community of the United Kingdom, and even some families outside the territory, learned of this information, and all the many meetings about arranged marriage with any one of the two, was cancelled.

Any chance of arranged marriages was erased for many years, until everyone forgot what happened, Regulus and Sirius would be more likely to run away, already over 18 years old.
The Blacks were furious, and even tried to deny it, but it was already done.

They, naturally, wouldn't let it go at that, and put a private detective in to investigate who did it and why. It wasn't long before Sirius' name was mentioned, and when they had proof that it was him, without Regulus' help, Orion and Walburga took a trip to a country house they had, and spent days torturing Sirius in several different ways. , from psychological to physical.

Sirius spent a long time being tortured, almost dying, so they had a doctor tend to his injuries, only to be tortured again.

The last day in particular was the worst.

Orion left early, because he had commitments with his company, and because of that, the torture became much less hand to hand and more with objects.

Walburga didn't want to get her son's blood on her hands, and because of that, she used her own tools to be able to reach the pain more easily. At some point, she got tired of all the objects she had specifically for this type of situation, and broke a glass on Sirius.

With that simple cup, that day, Walburga wrote traitor on Sirius' back, in a light way, so that it wouldn't leave scars, she wrote it repeatedly, saying every time the word was written on his skin.
Unfortunately, she didn't take the same care with the other cuts.

There were cuts and cuts, of different depths, some larger than others, causing Sirius to have many scars on his body.

When it was all over, Walburga and Orion released information, implying that Sirius had an accident, when he was racing too much on a highway, racing with a friend, his car overturned, and he, because he was not wearing a seat belt, was thrown. against the car panel, which broke, causing Sirius several cuts.

These cuts were actually made by her own mother.

I remember this report, I remember watching it with my parents and we talked about how irresponsible Sirius was, and how these types of people could do whatever they wanted without suffering the consequences, because they will always have their sugar daddy rubbing their head.

Even though I didn't know back then what I know today, just thinking about it makes me feel disgusted with myself for having blamed Sirius for something that was far from his fault.

—

January 2021 — Mid — sixth year.

— Never go more than two hours without answering me again — that's what Remus said as soon as he placed his hands on Sirius, squeezing him in a hug — That's an order, you flea dog, don't worry me like that.

— Seriously Padfoot, he looked like he was going to tear his hair out, he arrived at the dorm after dinner and didn't find you here — Peter said, hovering over the duo, with his attentive eyes sweeping over Sirius' body.

The two had been worried about Sirius ever since they were told about what happened over the holidays, Remus and Sirius didn't stop texting each other and Peter called every few hours, stopping during the night, only to call him as soon as morning came.

It was nice to see Sirius being so spoiled like this, to see how he smiled whenever Remus told a joke or Peter sent him a treat in the mail.

He seemed lighter in moments like this, even if he was still devastated by his brother's departure.

"You guys knew I was coming, James just wanted to make sure they didn't see me under any circumstances," Sirius murmured, pulling Peter by the shirt into a hug as soon as Remus released him.

— And he was right to do that, those worms took longer than usual to leave today — Peter said, stroking Sirius' hair, who had his head buried in his neck.

— Thank you so much for looking after him — Remus whispered to me, as he hugged me tightly, and I hugged him back.

— I will always take care of him — I whispered back, receiving a beautiful smile in response.

— So do we.

— I missed your clean smell — Sirius said, making Peter roll his eyes and Remus and I laugh.

— It's called soap, you idiot, and it's not my fault you don't shower, of course you're not used to the smell of clean — he replied, tickling Sirius's ribs, who screamed like a six — year — old girl. years.

There, at that moment, with the sound of my heart beating in relief and love as I felt Remus lean on me while laughing, hearing Sirius' barking laughter and Peter's teasing, I understood that I had found a second family.

I understood that I had probably found the most important and unique people in my life.

—
Not long after we settle in, Regulus knocks on the door, after he lets me check on him, and receives a big hug from Remus, he and Sirius disappear for hours.

The boys and I sat in silence throughout this meeting between the brothers, not knowing what to say, but unable to sleep.

We just sat there, staring into space and thinking about how bad things were, how good people suffer like horrible people and how this couldn't be fair, none of this could be fair.

I cursed the universe, the Gods and whatever entity was taking care of us in the meantime, reminding them over and over that they were wrong, that things weren't supposed to be this way and that Regulus and Sirius deserved more, much more than they were getting.

When Sirius arrived, he was accompanied by nothing more than his wet eyes and red nose, sniffling about how shit life was.

We sat on his bed, placed him between us, with his limbs tangled, and Remus handed him a small bottle of Whiskey, none of us drank it, just him, we let him drown his sorrows in the drink, while we stood there, comforting him. and letting it collapse on us.

Looking back, I now see that this probably wasn't the smartest decision to make.

Sirius became really melancholy as he drank, he became more and more sad and depressed, sinking into us, seeking any kind of affection we could provide him.
And then he cries for us.

— He's going to kill himself — he whispered, with his eyes closed — He's going to kill himself and I won't be able to do anything about it, because even if I tried, there wouldn't be a single bone left of mine to help my little brother — he sobbed, squeezing tighter. my shirt — He will go through all the shit I should go through in his place, he will suffer my fate, and he will die unhappy, with a trophy wife and children he never wanted, just because I wasn't able to take care of them from him.

He wailed, between sobs and sniffles, and we remained quiet, knowing he just wanted to get it off his chest, not listen to speeches about what an incredible person he was who tried everything for his brother.

— I wanted so much for him to be selfish, for him to hate me and leave me behind, but Regulus Black is a fucking martyr, he's going to kill himself because of this and there's nothing I can do to change him — he said , before surrendering to sleep, with his voice covered in bitterness and melancholy.

It was the second time they told me that, and this time, I couldn't disagree.

Regulus Black is a fucking martyr.

—

After classes started, I started to become much more aware of Regulus.

It's not like I haven't seen him before, I've seen him quite often, considering he's Sirius' brother and Remus' best friend, it's just not like I actively looked for him, he was just an acquaintance to me, and at that time, I wanted it to stay that way.

Now, however, I saw him everywhere.

Every room I entered, I saw his black locks and his eyes that looked more like a storm than a bluish gray, almost 90% of the time, he was simply reading a book, and when he wasn't, he was flying with his broom in the field, or doing spells in the courtyard, or writing things in notebooks, or simply existing.

The thing was, Regulus started showing up everywhere I actively went, and I knew there was a good chance I just hadn't noticed him before, but now? Now I was completely aware of him everywhere, and it was starting to make me think.

Not that that's a bad thing, it's just that the last time I thought this much about a thing or person, I got kicked out of my old high school and almost got sued.
But things turned out better than I expected in the end, so I allowed myself to think about Regulus.

I started to observe more often, realizing that he did have friends, proving me wrong when I thought that no one other than Remus and his brother could handle his presence.
He had two friends, Evan Rosier and Barty Crouch Jr.

They weren't the most unpleasant, Regulus could have done worse, but Rosier had a knowing smile whenever he saw me, much like Peter's smiles, and it scared me a little, and Crouch looked like he only spoke to Regulus and Rosier. , ignoring anyone other than them and the teachers, which left me with my guard up in relation to him.

They were two very strange people, but that's okay, I guess, Regulus was a strange person too.

The bottom line is that I decided to approach him.

Sirius still looked depressed, but Regulus looked miserable.

Staying in the house of horrors after seeing your brother almost dead must have been horrible, and I've been known to make anyone laugh, no matter who they are.
I have made it my mission in life to make Regulus at least a little happy.

What no one warned me about is that Regulus is more unapproachable than Sirius, and it's not even because he wants to push me away, he's just completely oblivious and paranoid.
I'm sure he only talked to me before because Sirius is living with me, and the idiot must feel like he owes some kind of debt, because the two primary times I tried to talk to him, he walked right by, completely ignoring me.

I would even be offended, but the third time it happened, I discovered that he didn't know I was talking to him, he just assumed it was with someone else and walked away.

And then, every other time I tried to bring up something, it felt like I had grown a second head on my neck, because he would send me strange, suspicious looks.

I had to change my tactics, and started slowly again.

I did everything I could to sit next to him in games that I didn't participate in and neither did he, I sat next to him in the courtyard, I asked to share the library table, claiming that there was no other place, even though it wasn't empty and I I didn't intend to study.

I would show up on the field in the morning, when I knew he trained alone, and the same at night, at the school gym, when I knew he preferred to train before bed, I would drink coffee near the table where he drank coffee, no matter if I wasn't from my house, and never mind the strange looks from Sirius and the knowing looks from Peter and Remus.

I would bump into him in the hallways, between classes, finding an excuse to take him to his office, talking about how shit the weather was or about some annoying teacher.

Apart, of course, from the charming company of his friends, with Rosier laughing at me and Crouch sending me death glares, as if my mere presence irritated him.

Honestly, I assume I chased Regulus for a few weeks so I could learn his routine, I'm not proud of it, but it was a necessary evil.

Everything was going well, as far as possible, it was a Friday and I was accompanying Regulus to his last class, luckily, his friends went ahead, which made me much more comfortable in trying to bring up something.

I was talking about how tomorrow's Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff game would be decisive for the championship, when, suddenly, Regulus threw me against the wall of a deserted corridor.
— What's your problem, Potter? — he practically growled at me, his forearm against my throat.

And for a second, I was distracted by the muscles I hadn't realized were there, even though I'd been training with him every night for a week.

Making a mental note to pay more attention to him, even if at times like this we just stayed silent while we trained.

— I'm accompanying you to your chemistry class, right? In lab 3? Second floor? — I replied, smiling even when he pressed my throat.

— But why? Do I look like someone who needs a bodyguard?

“Well, clearly not,” I said, hinting at the current situation, that even if I tried to move, I don't think I could, and he narrowed his eyes in response.
Regulus was a surprisingly strong boy for someone who was 15 years old.

— That doesn't answer my question, Potter. Why are you following me like a puppy follows its owner? Did Sirius ask you to do this?

— No, Sirius has nothing to do with it, in fact, he doesn't seem to like the situation very much.

— I sympathize with him.

— Wow, you hurt my feelings like that — he said dramatically, taking my hand to his chest.

— You are deviating.

— It's working?

— James — he said, warningly.

— Yes, I've been asking you to call me that for days — I replied, a shit — eating smile taking over my lips.

"I swear to God, Potter, if you don't tell me what the hell is going on right now, I'm going to kick you so hard, you're going to feel his balls in your throat," he said, in a very incisive way, going up. his knee in a way too threatening for my taste — And I want the truth.

— Since you ask so delicately, I'll answer, but how about you stop trying to suffocate me so I can talk?

— One… — he started to count, but even so, he eased the pressure on my neck a little — Two…

— I just wanted to be your friend — as soon as he opened his mouth to say three, and his knee kicked up, I said.

Regulus looked at me for a few seconds, without any kind of expression, looking simply contemplative, as if he was evaluating me, and then, at the same moment he furrowed his eyebrows, his knee hit my lower areas.

— Fuck — I said, falling against the wall when he took a step back, holding my most sensitive parts — What is that for?

— I asked for the truth — he said, with his arms crossed, looking down at me with his stoic gaze, looking like a fucking 15 — year — old mobster.

“I told you the truth,” I groaned, wondering if there was a chance he could get me ice from the kitchen.

— That doesn't sound like the truth, Potter, tell me what you want before I kick you again.

— You've got to be kidding, how hard is it for you to believe that I just want to be your friend? — I said, dragging myself on the floor to at least sit in a dignified manner.

— A lot, considering I took you into a dark hallway to threaten you.

— You completely traumatized me about this, before things were much more fun in dark corridors — I mumbled without thinking, and I had the satisfaction of seeing the red coloring his cheeks making him adorable, even if that wasn't my intention.

— Potter.

— I'm serious, Regulus, I just want to be your friend — I said, as sincerely as I could, seeing that he didn't seem to believe me very much — I'm your brother's friend, I know the shit that's going on, I I just want to be there for you the same way I am for Sirius.

— I don't want your pity.

— And you don't have it, you don't deserve pity, you're strong as hell Regulus, but no one is made of iron.

— The men of the Black's family are made of iron — he said, seeming to repeat something he was taught a long time ago, something I've heard Sirius say.

— Machines are made of iron, Reggie, you're human — I replied, seeing him stop, as if being compared to a human was a bad thing — Let me in, Reggie, I won't do you any harm.

He stared at me again, but this time he looked a lot less threatening, and more like he was looking at his options, and then, abruptly, he turned and started walking.

— Don't call me Reggie — he said, walking towards the end of the hall, and I watched him go, thinking about how complex he was, only to see him look over his shoulder and say — Aren't you coming? I'm already late for class.

I ignored all my pain and how pathetic I looked running to catch up to him, because it felt like my mission had been successful, and I couldn't be happier.

—

February 2021 — Mid — sixth year.

Getting closer to Regulus was something I don't regret.

Living with him, I got to know him in a totally different way, one that few people have had the pleasure of meeting and that I, luckily, was one of the chosen ones.

In these few weeks that I spent getting closer to him — chasing him — I managed to collect a lot of information about his routine, but very little about who Regulus Black was. Now, however, things were different and I could observe him more closely, I could notice several things that I found it captivating.

Like, for example, the way he smiles, I've only seen Regulus smile a few times in all these years, and I never paid due attention, but now, every time he slightly lifts the left corner of his lips, or the rare times he smiles, When he gives me a full smile, I feel like the happiest man in the world for making him laugh.

And even if Regulus didn't smile much, I could know what he was feeling in different situations, because even though he wasn't the most emotional, his eyes were as expressive as Sirius's, and sometimes I wonder how no one You never noticed that, how easy it is to read.

I noticed how his eyes, which are naturally stormy, look like calm seas when sunlight hits them, sometimes his irises look like precious crystals, and when I discovered this, I started taking him to places more often. open, with the excuse that if he continued like this he would get anemia — it was half true, he was a bit translucent, I even nicknamed him Dracula.

I realized that Regulus is good at everything he does, he strives to get the highest grades, but that doesn't change the fact that he aces almost every subject, how he is an exceptional hockey player, the kind that I enjoy competing against, because he is a wonderful pianist, and when I discovered this, I started to invade his music class regularly.

I also discovered that he draws, and not my kind of drawing, which is limited to scribbles in the corner of my notebooks, no, he really draws, he does incredible things with paper and a pencil, and when I caught him drawing in the corner From the rink, I showered him with compliments, and marveled at how his cheeks flushed, with him muttering things about my opinion being biased, and that “James Potter, if you don't return that notebook I'm going to stick this bat in places that world shouldn’t see.”

I noticed how he bites his tongue when he's nervous, how he moves all pumpkins out of his way but eats anything that involves potatoes, how he seems to want to make a move on anyone who makes a disrespectful comment about Remus, how he's polite to people who are polite to him and how despite all the shit that's happened to him, he still blames himself.

Regulus still blames himself for everything, everything that happened to Sirius, everything that is happening now, everything he did to protect himself and his brother, he may not say it in so many words, but I can put the pieces together and realizing that Regulus still cares about his parents' opinions, that he still has that instinct to please ingrained in him, that instinct that Sirius lost years ago to make his parents proud of him.

He's still sad after every call, he's still sad when they don't answer his messages, he's still sad when he realizes he got a “9.9” and not a “10.0”, he still gets upset with his little mistakes, and at At the same time he is terrified, he is afraid that because he is not enough, they will go after Sirius, so he signs up for all the advanced classes, and spends days burying himself in his studies, weeks studying before a test, to get achieve perfection.

And when he doesn't reach it, he takes his bike and spends hours riding it in the forest that surrounds the school, with the headphones in his ear, from time to time, on particularly bad calls, Regulus is gone for more than 5 hours, until today, 6 hours was his limit.

When Regulus disappeared for the first time, I panicked, only then realizing how much I had grown attached to him, how ingrained he was in my routine, and how his lack bothered and worried me.
Surprisingly, it was Barty who informed me of his whereabouts, he saw me looking at his usual seat at dinner, and went over to the Gryffindor table, told me about how he left across the athletics field, towards the forest, and would only come back from here. a few hours ago, and then he left.

I managed to hold it together for a full 7 minutes before running to the football field with a bowl of food that I managed to persuade the cooks to set aside for me.

I didn't know exactly which direction he would come from, so I sat in the middle of the field, overlooking the forbidden forest, and waited for him.

It was about an hour before Regulus appeared, but he had left at about 4.

He seemed surprised to see me there, it was already midnight, and he couldn't understand what I was doing there, but he didn't seem to have the energy to talk, he seemed to be too tired, he could barely support his own body, walking unsteadily on his bike. by your side.

I approached him, and carefully, I took the bicycle from his hands, placing the cold container of food in the small basket that was in it, carrying it myself, and ended up putting an arm around his hip, afraid. that he was going to collapse at any moment due to the way his legs were shaking, aware that the Slytherin dormitories were the last ones, and we would have a walk of at least 20 minutes, considering Regulus' current state.

“I'm sweaty,” he protested weakly, trying to take my arm off his hip, but I only tightened my grip.

— I don't care — I replied, keeping him close, and he didn't seem to have the strength to argue like he normally would, because he only allowed me to lead him to his dorm, taking the food by force with the promise that he would at least eat the meat.

Just after leaving the old red bicycle in its place, Regulus said he found it in the abandoned house at the back of the school, and that's where I left it, went back to the dormitories, and was greeted by a sleepy Sirius, who was sitting in your bed, playing on your cell phone.

— How is he? — he asked, as soon as I closed the door, putting down my cell phone.

"Bad, tired, but not as bad as before," I answered truthfully, knowing that Regulus wouldn't mind Sirius knowing his current state.

— Right. Night, Prongs,” he said, before turning over to sleep, and I smiled a little when I saw that he didn't close his curtain.

Advance.

— Night, Padfoot — I replied, passing by his bed to kiss him on the head.

—

March 2021 — End of sixth year.

— Sometimes, I take comfort in my future, knowing that at least, in the position I'm going to be in, I'll have the chance to see the world, even if it's through the windows of tall, lifeless buildings — he told me, without really looking at me, more focused on the drawing I was making of that strange plant.

We were in the biology greenhouse, Regulus liked to draw plants and I liked to keep him company.

— Do you want to see the world? I asked, trying to ignore how he was already content with his fate.

— I have a lot, there must be a lot of incredible places out there — he said, a sincere smile appearing on his face, and I wanted more of that smile, so I pushed him to talk.

— You seem to have researched, any specific place you'd like to go? I asked, and felt a small wave of satisfaction as I saw him put down his notebook and look at me, his eyes shining with excitement.

— The museum in Italy, Galleria dell'Accademia, seems to be the most beautiful thing, and the Galleria Borghese, seems even better, as if it were a paradise of sculptures, and the architecture of the place is breathtaking, and I have always been in love because of the Brazilian culture, which is so rich, it's the first place I would visit, backpacking through all the states, since each one has something different, and the food there seems to be divine, and there's China... — he continued , excited, telling me all the places he wanted to visit, why, and where he would go if he could.

I could only stand there, smiling like an idiot, watching him talk excitedly about how amazing the world seemed and how he wanted the opportunity to get to know him better, asking occasional questions to keep him talking.

It was the first time he actually spoke, and seeing him talk about things he liked left me enchanted, how his eyes sparkled, how his hands gestured and he seemed ready to give a talk that would last for hours.

And you want to know? I didn't care at all.

—

April 2021 — End of sixth year.

— Would you live outside England if you could? — I asked him, on a rainy day, we were in the library, it was late, and he hadn't stopped studying for days, I hadn't even opened my material, my only objective was to distract him.

“James,” he said, warningly.

— What? It's just a question,” I said, raising my hands in surrender, and he narrowed his eyes at me, but dropped his pen.

— I would like to live in Italy.

— Serious? I asked, surprised.

His relatives were from there, I thought it was the last place he would want to live, of course, after England.

— Yes, there are small villages there, you know, they seem welcoming and peaceful, far from all the busy life that is the centers, I would like to have a house away, with my little garden and... — he stopped, for a moment, blushing a little with his confession, but seeming to size me up, before finishing with — …Children. A family.

He said it finally, and I felt a little piece of me break at the thought that, perhaps, he didn't have that.

— Well, somewhere in the future, you will have a house in some small village in Italy, and I will keep you company so that you don't make your children as annoying as you are — I replied, to break the mood, and he turned his back. eyes.

— Yes, as if I would let you near my children, and I'm not boring — he replied, looking at me with fake disdain.

— What? I thought I would be their godfather.

— Yes, yes, I let Barty and Evan hear you say that.

— You wouldn't! — I replied, feigning indignation.

— Test me — he leaned forward, smiling a little.

— You're a terrible friend — I grumbled — You won't be my children's godfather either, bastard.

“It's not like I wanted to in the first place,” he shrugged.

— Don't be bad, I'll tell Moony everything — I crossed my arms and pouted, which quickly disappeared when I heard his laughter echo through the silent walls of the library, receiving a hiss from the librarian.

I was lying, Regulus was a great friend.

—

May 2021 — End of sixth year.

It was another one of Regulus's many music classes that I invaded, and it being some sort of fateful twist that none of his instrumental classes coincided with my classes, and that Professor Trelawney didn't seem to mind my presence, I proceeded to attending his classes as if he were a student, mainly watching how Regulus' nimble fingers played the piano masterfully, without missing a single note.
But today, a boy I had never noticed before came up to us with flushed cheeks and hands behind his back.

I correct myself, not even us, not even Regulus, because he kept looking at him, as if Regulus had hung the moon in the sky and everything.

I've always thought green eyes were cute, but now, I'd really like to claw that boy's eyes out if he didn't stop looking at Regulus like that.

— Hello, Black, I'm Dylan Mulciber, I joined this class a little less than a week ago, and I would like to learn piano, the teacher is busy right now and told me to come to you — he said everything in a rush, getting confused in the words, clearly nervous and I narrowed my eyes.

“Trelawney doesn't look busy to me,” he said dryly, pointing to the woman who appeared to be writing sheet music at her desk, literally standing still and not helping anyone.

— Are you from here, by any chance? I'm sure not,” he asked me, turning his attention away from Regulus, for the first time seeming to notice my presence, and boy, did his gaze suddenly become a lot colder.

— How would you know, since you joined this class a little less than a week ago? Is it a guess, by any chance? — I replied, not liking how his mouth moved in a nervous twitch and he clenched his hands into fists.

Aggressive then?

"Sorry, I'm not really a good instructor, but I'm sure our class rep, Snape, would love to help you," Regulus replied, before a possible fight could break out, and elbowed me in the process.
As if it were my fault and not that insect.

"I'm sure you could help," he said, turning his attention to Regulus again, leaning over the piano, placing his hand on Regulus' arm.

— I'm not a good instructor, I'm a mess teaching someone, sorry — Regulus, clearly uncomfortable but remaining polite, replied.

— I still think…

— Kid, get lost, go talk to Snivellus or something, he doesn't want to help you — I cut him off before he could insist again, putting my arm over Reggie's shoulder, taking his hand away from the worm, in a rude manner. , in the process.

He looked like he was going to insist more, but suddenly, like damned ghosts, Rosier and Crouch materialized behind our backs, Rosier behind me and Crouch behind Reggie.
They are usually at the back of the room, along with the string instruments, I rarely see them here, I even forget that they take this class.

— Haven't you heard, Mulciber? Get lost,” Crouch practically growled, as angry as I was, leaning dangerously toward the worm.

— Or do you want me to tell your parents your little secret? — Rosier was the one who made the guy walk away, with his voice calm and monotonous as always, but with that dangerous smile he wore in particularly bad situations.

The Worm left so quickly that I was curious to know exactly what this little secret was that Rosier had used as a threat.

— Everything okay, Reggie? — Rosier asked, and Regulus just nodded.

— Thanks.

— Nonsense — Croush said, dragging Rosier to the back of the room again, but not before messing up Regulus' hair.

After that, Regulus seemed to get a little tense, missing a few notes, repeating several times things that he would have taken for granted, and I realized that he was uncomfortable with the constant looks that the Worm was sending him, which were now much more malicious than before. than the “innocent” ones he was sending before.

— Did I already tell you that I play the drums? — I said and he looked at me with interest, suddenly remembering that the room for playing the drums was separated from the other instruments, due to the noise, just as the wind instruments also had a separate room, and it was generally empty.

The music room was the biggest in the school for a reason.

— I didn't know you played an instrument — he replied, focusing his attention on me, seeming curious.

— Come on, I'll give you a word — I said, getting up and extending my hand, and he didn't hesitate to take it, looking happy as I dragged him to the living room, being relieved to open the door and find it. empty — I'm going to play the last one I learned — I said, settling down behind the drums, taking the drumsticks, and waiting for Regulus to sit on the stool in front.

“Surprise me, Jamie,” he said, and yes, hearing him call me “Jamie” did things to my heart that I wasn't willing to admit at that moment.
Not knowing how to respond to that, I started playing the familiar beat of Måneskin's “I Wanna Be Your Slave.”

I didn't do the whole thing, because it was long, but I took out all the anger I felt towards that guy on the poor drums, making the beats strong and fast, following the flow of the song and letting it flow over my body.

When I finished, Regulus was smiling.

— You're a guy full of talents — he said, smiling, and I snorted, look who's talking — Seriously, you played very well.

— Thank you — I said, feeling proud of impressing him.

— I always wanted to learn, but I never had the courage — he said, taking his stool and taking it to sit next to me — How about you teach a little? Or are you as bad at teaching as I am? — he teased, but I could see the sincere request there.

— I'm good at everything — I mocked — Let's start with the basics.

After that, music lessons were much more fun than they already were.

June 2021 — End of sixth year.

— Who is your favorite singer? Regulus asked me one day, as we took a break from his rehearsal for the Yule Ball.

— Shawn Mendes.

“Bullshit,” he said, turning to me, looking me up and down.

— What? He’s awesome,” I defended.

He is awesome.

— It doesn't seem to make sense with all this vibe you give off — he replied, looking at me amused.

— All the “vibe” I give off? What vibe?

— You know, flirtatious, captain of your team, all brave and rebellious — he replied, listing with his fingers.

— You're flirtatious, you're captain of your team, you're brave — I pointed out, narrowing my eyes.

— Okay, okay, whoever spoke is no longer here.

— And you?

— My what?

— Favorite singer.

“Oh, yes, Harry Styles,” he said, smiling a little.

— Good. What's your favorite song of his?

— Matilda — he replied, giving me a meaningful look, I agreed.

— It makes sense.

Because he did.

And oh my God, he called me “Flirtatious”?

—

July 2021 — End of sixth year.

— Hey, Dracula, what are you doing sunbathing? I thought I would turn to dust if I tried, or does just the stake in the heart work? — I greeted, joining the group that ended up forming, seeing Remus and Sirius huddled together, so tangled up that I barely knew who was who there, Peter was lying on top of a cloth, appearing to be sleeping, Regulus was lying next to him. her side, but on the floor, and Barty had her head in Evan's lap.

I made sure to kick Barty as he passed by, dodging his kick in retaliation and almost tripping over Sirius and Remus in the process.

— I already told you that I'm not fucking Dracula — he replied aggressively, but still didn't complain when I threw myself down next to him, laying my head on his stomach, instantly running his hands through my hair.

— You only wear black clothes, you hate light colors, you're so pale you could be compared to paper, you don't like garlic and I'm sure you'll cross the street if necessary to avoid passing in front of a church, tell me what other proof I have Would I have to introduce you so you could tell me the truth?

— Stop being stupid — he said, pulling my hair — And I like light clothes, I've just never been allowed to wear them — he said, but this time it was low enough just for me to hear.
I felt a tug at my heart at this, and I turned to look at his face, but he was facing the sky.

— Look at me — I spoke just as quietly, and after a moment, his stormy eyes turned toward me — One day, I'm going to buy you clothes in every color you want to wear, and then you're going to parade around in them. them, because you would look beautiful in every color there is. Did you understand? — I whispered, but I was firm in my words, and even though he didn't seem to believe them, he nodded.

— I said Moony, he left me for my brother — Sirius' melodramatic voice broke the mood, making Regulus roll his eyes, and honestly, me too.

— Don't start that again, I can't take it anymore — Remus said what everyone was thinking, because yes, no one could take it anymore.

— But it's true, he spends all his free time with this little thief now, he didn't even greet us when he got here, he went straight to him — Sirius argued.

— That's because I just left the training session where you were present — I grumbled — I literally arrived 5 minutes after you. It's been 5 minutes since we saw each other.

— Independent — he replied — And you still spend all your free time with him.

— I have all my classes with you, and none with him, we're on the same team, we sit at the same table at meals, you sleep in the bed next to mine, you crazy person, of course I'm going to see him in my free time — I argued, leaning on my elbows to see him better — And besides, you spend your free time with Remus, and you don't see me complaining about that — I pointed a finger at him in accusation.

— Oh, for God's sake, stop it, go somewhere and let me sleep — it was Peter who grumbled, moving next to us.

— Yes, he's right, I'm sure this is sexual tension — Rosier said, smiling like an idiot.

— I think I agree with him, what do you think about going to some dark corner of the school to have fun? — Sirius said, raising an eyebrow suggestively.

— Potter doesn't think anything — it was Regulus who replied, and Remus let out a barely concealed laugh when the younger Black pulled my hair, forcing me to lie down again — Shut up and sleep.

“Bullshit,” Sirius practically shouted, but he didn't seem amused at all, in fact, he seemed completely astonished.

— A single word and I'll cut your dick off — Regulus practically growled, and when I went to lift my head to see what was happening, my hair was pulled again, this time with more force — Didn't I tell you to sleep? — and started chatting a little too aggressively.

And even between the stifled laughter of Remus, Peter, Evan and Barty and Sirius' indignant gasps, I obeyed him.

After all, he asked so kindly.

—
August 2021 — End of sixth year. Holidays at the end of the school year.

— How is the case? — I asked quietly, as I headed towards the communal balcony, away from all the noise that the guys were making right after drinking all of their drinks, on a mid — year vacation that we decided to spend all together at school.

They were taking advantage of the fact that the school had few monitors to drink all of them, but I don't drink, so I'm the only one completely sober in the place.

Padfoot and Moony were on the sofa, Sirius was shirtless, lying on Remus' chest, with suspicious hickeys on his chest, collarbone and neck, and Remus looked very happy, so I assume they pulled their heads out of their asses and finally made out, and that trip to get more drinks took time for completely different reasons than Sirius falling.

No fall would make those marks.

By God, I didn't even know human beings were capable of making those marks.

Regulus, with the excuse that he had to study — and the idiot really was studying — for his final exams, so that he could enter his sixth year with flying colors, was lying on the floor, with a glass of vodka in his hand, talking to Evan, Barty and Peter.

All of them very drunk and with increasingly meaningless conversations and arguments.

— So far I haven't gotten anything that could put them behind bars for sure, they're fucking good at hiding their shit — my father replied, his voice tired, and I could see how stressed he was just by using the swear word.

— They're good, but you can't be discouraged, Dad, we managed to get Regulus to stay for these holidays, but I'm not sure about the Christmas holidays, Sirius said they always go to an event at the end of the year, if one of the children If you don't go, you can find an excuse, but the two of you not going is unacceptable for them — he said, his voice as tired as yours.

Just thinking about Regulus going back there gave me goosebumps.

— I know, son, I'm not going to give up, but it's difficult to find anything, not with the information Sirius gave me, not even with the names, because look, what a coincidence, most of the names here are dead or part of the family, how strange, right? — Bitterness and sarcasm dripped from my father's voice, and I felt his anger, his frustration.

— Those sons of bitches.

— Who is the son of a bitch? — a voice came from behind me and I jumped, turning to see Regulus standing against the doorframe.

— Ah, it's a case of my father, there are some guys who are really difficult to discover their rotten things — I replied, feeling my voice wavering a little, and thanking God that Regulus was drunk, because otherwise he would have noticed the sock. lie.

— What the fuck, wish Mr Potter good luck — he said, turning to go in — Are you coming? he asked, looking over his shoulder.

— I'm going, I'm just going to say goodbye to my father — I replied, and he nodded, entering and closing the door behind him, and I let out a sigh.

— Was it Regulus? — my father asked.

“Yes, he wished you good luck,” I murmured, feeling the irony of it.

— I also wish him good luck — my father murmured, and I felt the weight of his words, so I said good night and hung up, promising to keep me updated.

I would like to tell him this, I don't like hiding things from him, especially when they involve him, but I knew that if this came to his attention, he would want to end everything, for fear of Walburga and Orion finding out and going after Sirius.

But it was for his own good, and I refused to let him languish without doing anything about it, my luck is that all the Potter's had big hearts, and my father wouldn't give up on the case.

Much less Sirius.

—

August 2021 — End of sixth year.

— Why don't you buy more materials? I only see you with this notebook and pencil — I asked one day, watching him struggle to make different tones with just one regular pencil, when I knew there were specific pencils for that.

— One time, I asked Monster, my butler, to buy some things, freshman year, since I had signed up for art classes on Saturdays, but my mother found out — he began, shifting the notebook in different directions, to try better angles — And then, she took me home one weekend, took the materials and burned them all in front of me, saying that art was for queers, and that I shouldn't stay in places with those kinds of people — he continued calmly, and I stopped, staring at him with incredulous eyes — So, the following week, I was in the introductory international relations class instead of the usual visual arts class. I preferred not to risk it a second time.

I didn't know what to say to that, and he seemed happy with the silence.

The same day, I sent a huge list of all the materials I could find to my mother, asking the art teacher for some tips, and my mother questioned me when I asked her to buy the best quality, since I was a denial about Art.

I replied that Regulus liked to draw, but his parents didn't.

My mother didn't say anything else.

The following week, I showed up in Regulus' room with a large box full of different materials, with Sirius and Remus coming behind me holding pictures and Peter holding an easel.

It was the first time I saw Regulus cry.

—

September 2021 — Beginning of the Seventh year.

Regulus says horrible things.

He tells me about all the pressure he suffers, as if it were something common.

He tells me stories from his past that make me feel sick.

And sometimes he says it all with a peaceful face, as if nothing that happened to him is a problem, as long as, of course, it doesn't affect Sirius.

Because of small confessions, I discovered that Regulus didn't see a problem with anything his parents did to him, he wasn't the center of attention here, no, he thought it was normal, everything they did to him, but he didn't admit anything what they did to Sirius.

But there are rare times when he says horrible things with traumatized eyes.

— Have you ever broken a bone before? — I asked, without thinking, we were sitting in the infirmary, and I had just put a cast on a broken arm, due to a really non — accidental accident that happened at the rink.

Hockey is an aggressive sport, but I guess grabbing my arm and twisting wasn't the smartest way to try to get the puck out of my possession.

At least Avery got kicked out.

It was already 2am, and technically Regulus wasn't supposed to be here, but technically none of the boys were supposed to be here after 11pm, it's just been a little over 30 minutes since the guys left here, so I don't really care.

— Yes — he replied, after a moment, and I blame the sleep and the sedatives I was given for not noticing the hesitation in his voice, the tremor.

— Which?

— I once broke three fingers — he replied, in a low voice.

— As? — Me, the idiot, he asked.

Regulus was actually silent this time, long enough for me to open my eyes and look at him, seeing how uncomfortable he was, this is where the type of question I was asking clicked and a wave of panic hit me.

— You do not need —

— No, it's okay, I want it, just give me a moment — he said, and I did as he asked, watching as he frowned and stared into space, breathing heavily — The first time, I was 6 years old, my parents went on a trip abroad, they were going to be there for days, and Sirius and I were really happy about it, our staff were a lot nicer when they weren't there — he started, seeming to smile at the memory — I liked cooking , I loved helping the girls who made our meals, the smells, being able to try everything, listening to music with them and asking them to dance around the kitchen — he said dreamily, as if it were all a distant dream — So, one day, we were doing the dinner, Sirius was sleeping in some corner of the house and I was washing vegetables, on a chair, so I could reach the sink, “Can't take my eyes off you” was playing on the radio, when they arrived early... — His voice lost its happiness and his eyes lost their sparkle, I could see he was getting lost in memories, so I reached out with my good arm and took his hand.

“ — My mother was the first to enter the kitchen, and when she saw me, she pushed me off the chair and I fell to the floor, my father came soon after, and while my mother shouted at the cooks, he spoke to me in a cold tone that 'Black's don't cook', repeatedly, stepping on my left hand hard — he whispered, and I pressed my hand to his, watching him flex his left hand, as if remembering the sensation — At some point, he got tired of that, and took my right hand, and with every word he said, he broke a finger 'Black people don't cook' — he said, and I shook his hand again — I was lucky that I was small, and I recovered without any after — effects, and more Lucky for being left — handed.”

“I'm sorry,” he said, not knowing what to say.

— Don't feel sorry for me — he replied, defensively, trying to take his hand away from mine, but I didn't let him.

— Pity? I thought we established the day you tried to choke me that I don't feel sorry for you,” he said, pulling his hand against mine. “I don't feel sorry for you, I'm sorry for the shit you've been through, but I don't feel sorry, I feel that irrational desire to go back in time and take you away from them, to protect you, to not let any harm happen.

Regulus frowned, but stopped trying to get away, so I pulled his hand and pressed my lips against it in a chaste kiss, and then pulled him to the infirmary bed, shuffling a little to the side and ignoring the stab of pain. what I felt when I did this.

“Come to sleep,” she said, when he didn't climb into bed.

— What? Here? he asked, looking at me like I was crazy.

— I'm not going to suffocate you with the pillow, I only have one working arm, there's nothing to worry about — I replied, trying to pull him again.

— James, I'm not going to sleep in the same bed as you in the damn infirmary.

— Leave before 7 and that's ok, PomPom only wakes up at 7 — I pulled him once more, and this time he came.

— If she wakes up earlier, you'll deal with the consequences of that — he grumbled, settling in next to me.

— Yes, yes — I snuggled closer to him, without letting go of his hand, and he allowed me — Shut up and sleep — I replied, and he obeyed me for the first time in his life.

Of course, Pomfrey had to kick him out the next morning, but those were just details.

—

October 2021 — Beginning of seventh year.

“Those noises are so annoying,” Regulus said, speaking for the first time in three hours, finally putting his book aside to give me the slightest bit of attention.

— What noise? I asked, trying to strain my ears to hear more.

— The…Salto — he shivered, as if saying that word physically hurt.

I was friends with Regulus for 10 months, I should have known better, but unfortunately, it seems I'm too detached for that.

— What do you have against jumping? I asked, frowning.

— My mother wears heels — he said, looking disgusted.

— Mine too, like half the women in the world — I argued, not really caring about heels, just wanting something to distract me.

— No, you don't understand — he groaned, banging his head against the table as the librarian walked past us again, her heels as old as her echoing through the room.
She's so old, it surprises me that she can still walk in heels without falling.

— I understand, yes, you're just a cis, white, rich, sexist man who hates everything that has a larger female audience.

— Look, there was a time when I was having dinner with some rich family that I don't remember who in my house, everything was going well, until I answered something wrong, and my mother didn't like it, but she couldn't tell me. scold her there in front of everyone, so she got that ugly heel of hers on my foot, and I had to spend the rest of the dinner with my foot bleeding without complaining once and on top of that answering them coherently, otherwise she would step on on my foot again and again — he said, banging his head on the table as he spoke, as if it were nothing — I could only do stitches after dinner was over, and that lasted for hours, she stepped on my foot twice more just because I wanted to, and Jamie, no one tells you how much it hurts, but it hurts.

All I could think was, “Of course it hurts, because someone gave you fucking stilettos,” but nothing came out of my mouth, because Regulus was doing it again, telling me horrible things and acting like it was normal.

He would kill me one day, but not before I killed his parents.

—

December 2021 — Middle of seventh year.

It was a sad Christmas, compared to other years, but much calmer, considering how the previous one was.

Remus and Peter came to my house for Christmas this year, we were all here for Sirius, knowing full well how he would be with this particular day, especially when we couldn't get in touch with Regulus when he was at the manor.

We were all depressed, lying in the living room, without the strength to really enjoy Christmas and the presents and all that shit, even Mom, who would normally be trying to fatten everyone up with treats, was quiet, lying against my dad's chest in one of the sofas.

We gave up trying to make small talk hours ago, especially when I always ended up turning the topic back to Regulus, one way or another, leaving Sirius increasingly miserable.

“Wow, I never watched that movie” “Regulus hates it”

“That’s great, Mrs. Potter” “Regulus would love it”

“That teacher has a problem with me” “Regulus says she looks like Gru from Despicable Me, only with hair”

“Did you see the new song The Weeknd released?” “Regulus learned to play it on the piano, it was magnificent”

There came a point when Remus told me to shut up about Regulus for a second, and I couldn't disagree, or even argue with him, I simply remained silent, knowing that as soon as I had the chance, I would speak his name again, and it was better keep me quiet.

Over time, the conversation died down, until Peter got up and turned on my mother's old radio, and let the music fill the silence on its own.

Of course, now “Can’t take my eyes off you” was playing, which only made me think more about where Regulus was and what he was like.

When it hit midnight, my parents wished all of us a Merry Christmas, gave us their gifts, and went to bed, leaving just me and the guys.

When Sirius let out his twentieth sigh of the night, I had enough.

— Let's play real estate banking — I declared, getting up and heading towards the bookshelf, receiving groans in response — No complaining, boys, the decision has already been made, we're here to prevent Sirius from dying of sadness, and we're not helping much — I said , throwing a pillow at Peter to get him to move, and dodging it when it was thrown towards me.
At least he moved.

When everyone formed a small circle, I started to assemble the game, removing the pieces and opening the board.

"I'll take the green one," I shouted, as soon as I saw Sirius's sneaky hand grab the piece, and he was startled long enough to take it from his hand without any problems.

“You don't even like green,” said Sirius, his eyes narrowed in my direction.

— Who said that? I love green,” I replied, my voice rising.

"No you don't, you've hated that color ever since Slytherin won the House Cup last year," Sirius said.

— True, I remember that, you explicitly shouted “Green is the color of cow shit, fuck nature” and all that — Remus said, also focusing his attention on me.

— I also said something about the worst green was the shit that came out of Snivellus's huge nose — Peter added to the troupe, and suddenly, all my best friends had narrowed eyes in my direction.

— What exactly makes green your favorite color right now? — Remus asked.

— I never said that — I replied, even though the defense was in vain, as my voice wavered.

— He is sure? — Peter pressed.

“Maybe I spent so much time watching Regulus draw plants that I gained an appreciation for color,” I grumbled, realizing my mistake as soon as I closed my mouth.

— Ah, yes, Regulus, interesting topic you've brought up — Sirius said, leaning towards me — You've been spending a lot of time with my little brother lately, haven't you, JayJay?

— Of course, he's my friend — I defended myself, starting to get nervous at the clear insinuations.

The ringing of the home phone was what saved me, making me jump up and go answer it.

— Hello? — I answered, my voice a little squeaky due to nervousness.

— James Potter? — a man's voice replied, his voice seemed broken, in a whisper.

— Yes, him, who do I talk to? — I asked, trying to identify the voice on the other end of the line, starting to become alert.

— I'm the Black butler — the whispered voice replied, and I could feel the panic in his voice, when I heard the surname, my whole body stiffened.

— Monster? — I asked, but I already knew the answer, within seconds, Sirius was in front of me, with Remus and Peter right behind, looking at me in complete panic.

— What is happening? he asked, and I put the phone on speaker.

— Yes, I am the Monster. I'm sorry, but we don't have time for introductions, Mr. Potter — his voice remained low, but you could see the desperation in his voice, the way he spoke the words quickly, slurring them.

— Monster, what's going on? — Sirius asked, his voice shaking, already knowing that nothing good would come of this.

— Master Sirius, an argument occurred, I can't explain it to you at the moment, but Master Regulus is in danger, he needs help now — his voice sounded breathless now, louder.

— Fuck, fuck, we're coming, hold on tight —

But before Sirius could finish his sentence, a bang came from the other end of the line, as if the cell phone was thrown away, and then loud gunshots were heard.

Pow!

Pow!

Pow!

And then it was silent for a few seconds, everyone frozen, before the four of us ran in different directions, Sirius to the front door, with me close behind, Peter going to the garage and Remus going up the stairs to call my parents.

— The car, it's faster with the car — Peter was shouting, and that made Sirius and us run towards Peter, we all got out, I took the first car I saw, getting into it with the others and leaving the garage so quickly , that I didn't even realize that Dad, Mom and Remus were already on our tail, running like crazy, frantically pressing the button that opened the gate at the entrance to the condominium.

Luckily, the Black's didn't live far from us, so we just had to follow all the quick instructions Sirius gave, full of sharp turns. The journey seemed to last hours, no matter how fast it was, no matter how much I sped up, it seemed like the Black mansion was getting further and further away.

The snow made everything more difficult.

When we got there, the gates were already open, but there was no sign of anyone, when we got out of the car, already preparing to run after Regulus, my father stopped us.

“No, no, behind me,” he said, trying to keep his voice low as he carried a .22 caliber, quickly entering the mansion, with us close behind him.

We were lucky that the front garden of the mansion wasn't that big, so it didn't take long for us to reach the entrance of the house, with the door open again, still without any sign that there was still anyone in the house, we continued walking behind my father .

As soon as we passed through the entrance hall, entering a corridor that led to the back of the mansion, we heard a noise.

Instantly everyone froze, waiting for footsteps, but after a moment, nothing happened, so my father motioned for everyone to be quiet and still, very carefully, my father walked to the end of the corridor and opened the door.

On the ground was Bartolomeu Monstro, who had just been shot three times, and was still conscious.

When my father saw that the room was empty, we all ran to him.

— Where's Reggie? — Sirius asked as he reached Kreacher.

— I don't know — he replied, his voice weak, my mother sat next to him, and pressed the only shot he took in the stomach, the other being in the shoulder and leg.

— Did my parents run away? Sirius asked again, sounding frantic.

“Yes,” came the weak reply.

— And did they wash Reggie? — I found my voice to ask.

— No…

— Damn, he's still here, start looking now — Remus shouted, and everyone, except my mother, started running through the house, shouting his name as we went to different sides of the house.
It was a real massacre.

Everywhere I looked, I saw blood, there was no trace, it was simply blood, as if someone was being tortured everywhere in the house.

And it was.

That someone was Regulus.

I ran to the back garden while the rest searched the huge 6 floors of the house.

I was so overcome with adrenaline that I didn't even feel the cold hit my face, didn't care about my bare feet sinking into the snow, or how I could get hypothermia.
No, Regulus was the only thing that mattered.

When I got outside, I ran across the entire expanse of lawn, past tennis, soccer, hockey, and golf courts, a large swimming pool, several tables, and all the fancy and unnecessary things that I'm sure they never used. .

I went to the end of the back garden and back, spiraling down, hearing nothing but all the shouts for Regulus' name.

No distress calls.

Or a scream alerting you that you found it.

Anything.

Just the purest and simplest despair of losing someone, echoing in my head as I ran, screaming his name until I was hoarse, looking everywhere and finding nothing.

For a moment I thought maybe they took Regulus, that guy was shot three times, what does he know anyway? What if they took him? We were just wasting time, that Regulus might not be here anymore, not on this property, and maybe, he's not even alive.

But that didn't stop me from running and screaming for him.

Because even if he wasn't alive anymore, he deserved this, he deserved my despair, my worry, my screams.

With every scream I gave, I saw your beautiful smile, your stormy eyes, your flushed cheeks, your hair falling over your face, your reading glasses, your drawings of plants, your fingers playing the piano, your laugh echoing in my head, his screams of euphoria when his team won, his touches, his hugs, his voice, his truths, his customs, his habits, his lips around his pencil when he didn't understand something, his eyebrows furrowed in irritation, his nose wrinkled in disgust, his eyes narrowed when he knew he was losing to me in some way, the way he took care of everyone but wouldn't let anyone take care of him.

With every scream I made, I saw Regulus Black.

I called for Regulus Black.

The Regulus I knew.

The Regulus who loved plants.

Regulus who loved music.

Regulus who loved potatoes.

Regulus who loved Brazil.

Regulus who loved arts.

The Regulus who loved his brother.

The Regulus who loved his friends.

The Regulus who loved me.

He was worth trying, he was worth running to the end of the world so I could save him.

So I kept running, I went around the house, I looked everywhere outside I could look, I went to the front garden, to the lobby, and back to the back, I went through all the blocks again, and I didn't find anything. anything.

— I'll go look in the forest — I shouted to Peter, who had told me that they couldn't find him at home.

— We're right behind you — my father shouted, but I was no longer paying attention.

When I was about to enter it, with large Eucalyptus trees surrounding the house, I noticed something strange out of the corner of my eye.

— All —

I turned to the side, feeling the floor collapse against my feet.

Because there, in front of me, semi — frozen.

There was a lake.

And in the middle of it, there was a body floating.

The world began to blur around me, seeming to slow down as my brain absorbed this new information, all I could see was a lifeless body floating in the middle of an almost frozen lake.

The body was Regulus'.

Things started to get confusing from there.

I remember starting to run to the lake, I remember hearing screams, lots of screams, I remember hearing the police and ambulance sirens somewhere in the background, I remember jumping into the lake and starting to swim, I remember I remember feeling the cold water, I remember feeling my body start to lose sensitivity to the weather, I remember hearing more screams, I remember getting to Regulus and starting to swim with him to the shore, I vaguely remember lights directed at us.

I remember my limbs started to go numb, and I started to slow down, but I never stopped swimming, I remember seeing Sirius trying to jump into the lake, only to be stopped by police officers.
I remember that at some point, my body started to want to sleep, and the only thing I could think was that Regulus might still have a chance.

I remember using the last strength I had left to place Regulus on top of thin ice, but it held him out of the water.

I remember my lungs started to burn from the effort it took to breathe, and then I started swallowing a lot of water.

I remember when I was satisfied, thinking that at least he could survive, while I sank.

I remember more lights, little waves, and then my brain shut down, with Regulus's stormy eyes locked in my mind, his laughter echoing, like music to my ears.

I don't remember anything else.

—

December 2021 — Middle of seventh year.

When I woke up, I was surprised.

Surprised because I didn't expect to survive.

I woke up wrapped in several blankets, with a respirator in my nose and the salty taste of all the water I swallowed in my throat.

Opening my eyes was a challenge, because even though I was completely enveloped in heat, I was still very cold.

Opening my eyes was also useless, because as soon as I registered all the brightness, I immediately closed my eyes.

My ears were ringing, much like the feeling you get when you go to the beach, and the pressure makes it feel like your ears are plugged, but even so, I can hear voices around me and then I realize we are moving.

And what I was hearing were sirens and first responders.

I was still in the ambulance.

Maybe that's why I'm so cold, it's only been a while since I took Regulus out of the water.

— Regulus — my stuttered voice tried to call them, but that only made me cough more water — Regulus...

I continued calling, even though it sounded incomprehensible, with that mask on my face, and in a panic, I started moving to try to take it off, only then realizing I was stuck on the stretcher.
I began to struggle, desperate for them to let me go.

— Regulus, Regulus, please, Regulus — I murmured, but even I couldn't decipher what was coming out of my mouth.

That didn't stop me from continuing to struggle, until I began to feel my world darken once again.

—

This time, when I woke up, I was no longer trapped, nor in an ambulance.

In fact, when I opened my eyes, I was greeted by the familiar hospital room.

There were sun rays coming through the blinds, lighting up the dull room, and consequently, burning my retinas in a cruel way, which made me really hate the sun for a few seconds.
I noticed the cold was gone, which was good because I always liked summer better anyway.

The respirator was still on my face, but this time, when I reached to take it off, I managed it without any problems, which was a relief considering this thing, ironically, leaves me having trouble breathing.

Only then did I notice that I wasn't alone.

Maybe I was still a little drugged, if I hadn't noticed my mother's presence before having her judgmental eyes in my direction, clearly disapproving of my decision to remove the respirator, but also not stopping it.

It was then that all the memories came like a freight train, and I almost jumped out of bed, regretting it at the same moment, when I felt my body become heavy like lead, everything hurt.

— Reggie — my voice was hoarse and choked, almost indecipherable, and my throat hurt when I said his name again, in less than a second, my mother was on top of me with a glass of water, forcing me to drink it.

— Shiiu, darling, drink, drink — he said, in a soft voice and I obeyed him, but as soon as the glass was empty, I tried again.

— Regulus?

— He's okay, darling — she whispered, pressing her hand against mine, and I felt a huge relief wash over me, tears coming out of my eyes before I could control them — It's over, darling, you saved him — she continued. whisper promises that everything was okay — Now sleep, you have a lot to rest for — he said, closing my eyelids with his free hand.

And I obeyed her, because my Regulus was fine, so I could rest.

—

The third time I woke up, it was already night.

I no longer saw the oppressive lights that had burned my retinas, and the light in the room was off, indicating that I had slept long enough for night to come again.

My mother wasn't here either, but I wasn't alone.

Quite the contrary, I had Sirius to keep me company, looking like an obsessive in the corner of the room, watching me while I slept, like the good psychopath he was.
At least I wasn't alone.

— It feels like I woke up in a horror movie — I whispered, my voice groggy and still a little hoarse.

— I would be one of those really cute supernatural monsters, who would fool everyone with their charm, you name it — he replied, approaching the bed, helping me drink a glass of water, and without any delicacy, asking me for space.

The difference between them was so great that it was ridiculous.

— “Excuse me, James, could I please lie down with you”, “Oh, yes, of course, my good friend Padfoot, it would be an honor” — I said, my voice squeaky, as I struggled to make room, happily. that now my body hurt a lot less.

— Stop being an idiot — he grumbled, lying down next to me, and forcing me to lay my head on his chest, staying at an awkward but comfortable angle, it was good to have someone else's touch.

— Am I the idiot? You invade a sick person's bed and I'm the idiot? This gives process, you know.

— Oh, for God's sake, the lawyer here is your father, not you, so shut up — he sneered, and after that, we fell into a comfortable silence, with Sirius stroking my hair and me feeling his steady, steady breathing. .

Being like this was good, I liked it.

But the silence made me think, and as we already decided before, when I think too much, nothing good comes out.

My mind automatically went back to everything that had happened in the last few hours, as I hadn't stayed awake long enough to process the information I received, and I couldn't help but feel a shiver go through my entire body, reminding me of all the despair that we went through.

The scene of Regulus floating in the lake never left my head, as if it were a damn painting on display that I couldn't stop thinking about.

It was a cruel, sadistic scene, which represented how horrible human beings could be, how they could end the most beautiful things in the world, the sweetest and most adorable, in the worst way they could.

Remembering this left me with a mix of feelings, hate, despair, worry, guilt, sadness, and the biggest one.

Fear.

— How is he? Is he out of surgery yet? — I asked, my voice low, afraid to break this comfortable silence, but the fear still hovering like a very alive and pulsing feeling.

— I was wondering how long it would take for you to ask me that, 3 minutes was quite a record — he said, looking amused.

— That doesn't answer my question — I said, starting to get a little desperate for him to divert the subject, my mind racing to the worst possible scenarios — I'm serious, Sirius, I want you to tell me exactly how your brother is right now , without sparing me details

What if he didn't survive the surgery? What if he didn't even go into surgery? What if he died in that lake and my mother lied to calm me down?

— He's already out of surgery, James, he's fine — Sirius replied, his voice soft, without any trace of amusement, or lies — He's stable, recovering, his mother said it was a simple surgery, he had perforations in some organs , because of all the aggression he suffered before being thrown into the fucking lake — he said, his voice becoming angry and he shivered — But they were treated, all the water in his lungs went away, and honestly, they told us that he was just he survived for three factors — he continued, raising three fingers — The lake was freezing, meaning he had more time to live, because of how the cold leaves you with hypothermia, and it reduces metabolic activity in the brain — he said, with a smile appearing on his face and lowering a finger — I don't know what that means, but I memorized it just to tell you.

“Thank you,” I replied, leaning over to kiss his cheek.

— Two: He somehow had enough air to float, no one explained it to me in a way that I could understand or memorize, but he just floated with his head up, which was wonderful — he continued, lowering another finger — And lastly, and most importantly: you got him out of there in time, before he ingested any more water, you saved him like an idiot, and that kept him alive. So thank you, James, I owe my life to you — he finished, hugging me tightly, hard enough to hurt, but still, it was comforting to know that he was okay.

— Thank God — I whispered against his chest, relieved.

“And you,” he whispered back.

— And all of us, we were all behind him — I replied, turning to look at him, who narrowed his eyes.

— You were the only one who found him and got him out of there.

— Yes, everyone would do the same — I replied, petulantly.

— No, James Fleamont Potter, anyone there would hear the sirens approaching and wait for them, or even look for a damn boat — he stated, taking my face in his hands — No one but me would jump into that frozen lake without thinking twice, to swim alone to the middle of it, and pull my brother out of there. No one,” he said pointedly.

— The lake was only half frozen — I protested, useless, knowing that he had already won this argument.

— Nonsense — he growled — Don't do that anymore, do you understand me? Don't jump into frozen lakes, or run into houses that could have armed killers, don't be a fucking suicide bomber, I can't lose you.

— I'm sorry, Sirius, but if Regulus is at it again — I shuddered, just thinking — I couldn't leave him, don't you want me to save your brother?

— Of course I did — he said, the anger disappearing, being replaced by tiredness — I almost lost two brothers in one night, James, do you know how desperate it was to see you and Regulus being taken away in two ambulances, and not being able to do anything? anything? — His voice broke at the end, when tears began to run down his face — I couldn't take it, JayJay.

I couldn't do anything, just hug him, hold him against my chest and hold him while he cried, and so I felt like a deja — vu, like a year ago, when Regulus appeared at my door with Sirius completely unconscious, and then walked away, only for Sirius to punch me and cry on my shoulder like he was doing now.

“I almost lost him,” he whispered, looking horrified at the idea, and so was I.

“He's a fucking martyr,” I whispered back.

— You too.

—

December 2021/January 2022 — Middle of seventh year.

The Blacks were arrested.

That was probably my biggest accomplishment of the last few days.

Apparently, when you try to murder your youngest son, you shoot his butler three times, and he ends up surviving to tell the tale, with 6 people testifying against you, one of them being your oldest son, with marks on his body from years of abuse, and a thousand and one small pieces of evidence of corruption that my father managed to unearth, means that not even his corrupt friends can stay on his side without tarnishing their own images.

They were arrested red — handed at the airport, ready to get into their private jet and leave for who knows where.

We ended up discovering that the argument started because Regulus discovered that his parents intended to go after Sirius and marry him to their cousin, Bellatrix, who was 22 years old, as she was the only “crazy” one who would accept marrying someone infertile.

Regulus freaked out and yelled at his parents, trying to convince them that it would be better for Bella to marry him, since they all think he's infertile too, and when they didn't agree, and tried to persuade Regulus to tell him exactly where Sirius was, If not they would find out in their own way, Regulus refused to say anything.

They started torturing him, trying to get the information, and at some point, Regulus had a very weak pulse and passed out, Walburga and Orion thought that Regulus had died, and when they were thinking about how to hide their son's body, Kreacher came in and saw the whole situation.

They panicked, because the butler started running, clearly calling someone — Me — and while Walburga went after him with the gun she had in her husband's study, Orion grabbed Regulus and threw him into the river.

Thinking that they were both dead, and knowing that someone was on the way, they took their passports and money, and fled to the airport, intending to escape.

The police caught them before takeoff by pure luck.

Dad says it was the longest and fastest case he's ever gone through, taking a year to gather evidence, and four days to show it to the jury, with the fifth having a conviction.

Fortunately, they got over 60 years each, which is way more than I ever thought we would get, and on top of that, they were ineligible for 8 years after they got out of jail, which makes it all the more fun, because they won't leave.

Hopefully, they died before Regulus and Sirius left college, which is my goal.

I really want them to be dead when Sirius and Remus get married — Yes, I know, they're not even dating yet, but a man can dream.

—

January 2022 — Middle of seventh year.

When visits to Regulus were allowed about a week later, Sirius and I almost monopolized the visits.

Regulus was still unconscious, but there were promises that he would wake up soon, which left me hoping to catch him waking up, and Sirius thought the same.

In short, the only times we left the hospital were at the request of our friends, all four guys, and my parents, who wanted to stay with him for a while, to shower and sleep for about 5 hours, before we came back, very happy to pester the nurses for updates on Regulus' case.

None of them seemed very happy with our presence, nor Andromeda, my mother's friend, who we soon discovered was a distant cousin of Sirius, who was our main target for new information.

— It hasn't even been two hours since you came after me, and all this time, you two brats were in the damn room with him — she began, rubbing her eyes in a sign of tiredness — It hasn't changed anything, it won't change anything for a while, with faith in God, then let me work.

After that, she left the room, only for us to go after her two hours later.

Yes, we didn't have much love in life.

—

— You haven't really connected the dots yet, have you? — Sirius said, one day, breaking a silence that had lasted for hours, as they both watched Regulus sleep, one on each side, holding his hand.

— About what? I asked, reluctantly looking away from Regulus, only to look at his brother, who looked tired, but mostly amused.

— Remus told me he was supposed to let you figure it out on your own, but man, it's taking too long, I never imagined you'd be so slow — he said, laughing a little at me, and I frowned.

— What? Realize what?

— That you love my brother — he said, simplistic, and I didn't understand the whole mystery.

Wasn't it obvious?

"Yes, well, of course I do, with all due respect, Sirius, you're my brother and all that, but Regulus is the best friend I have, so obviously I love him," I replied, as simplistic as he was, I just didn't expect him to throw his head against the bed, laughing.

— Christ, you're a rock — he insulted me between laughs.

— Is there any way you can make any sense? It's nine o'clock in the morning and I don't know if I understand you now — I said, starting to get irritated — Actually, I know, I don't understand you.

“Yes, yes, this will be fun,” he said, lifting his head and wiping away the tears that were coming out of his eyes.

What was so funny that he cried laughing?

— I don't know how Remus wanted to let you find out alone, you'll never understand — he shook his head, and then, with a smile on his face, he leaned against the bed and looked me in the eyes — You, James Fleamont Potter, love my brother, Regulus Arcturos Black, in a romantic way — he said, incisive and direct, and my eyes widened — He's so in love, he jumped into a frozen lake to save his life, so like Leonardo DiCaprio, you put him on top of the ice and allowed himself to drown and freeze to death, just so he could live, the only thing missing there was the fucking Titanic, because the Iceberg, it was my parents — he concluded, looking a little smug with his speech itself.

— Oh.

— Yes, oh.

My brain had short — circuited for a moment, and I only saw the blue screen repeating itself as I tried to assimilate the information that had been dropped into my lap.
And boy, did it make sense.

Looking back at all the shit I did for Regulus, the way I acted and felt around him, it made complete sense that I was in love with him.
Because, yes, that was true.

It's strange to think that I hadn't come out just because I thought he was straight my whole life, and even though things now seemed crystal clear — Like his eyes, my brain provided — before, I just thought it was all friendship .

When it clearly wasn't.

All the senseless provocations that the guys sent to us, and I never understood, the jealousy I felt of that creep from music class, all the moments spent, the smiles shared, the looks exchanged, the secrets confessed so naturally, how I felt comfortable around him, despite all the feelings he made me feel, about how attractive I found him, how I constantly thought of him as handsome and adorable, and his flushed cheeks.

Oh my God.

That day in the courtyard, where everyone was lying down and Sirius said he would take me to a dark corner.

Regulus didn't like that, he pulled my hair too hard for me to ignore Sirius — I liked that.

Suddenly, looking back, a lot of things made more sense.

I was in love with Regulus.

And Regulus was in love with me.

— Oh — he said, once again, looking at Regulus with different eyes — Oh my God, why didn't you tell me before? — I turned to Sirius, outraged that he was keeping my secret from me — I thought we told each other everything — I accused.

— I wanted to, but Remus wouldn't let me — he defended himself, and then I shook my head in denial.

— Since Remus hooked you, you've lost a lot of your own opinion.

— You too — he accused, narrowing his eyes at me — The other day I saw you open a book on your own, going to read it to pass the time, just because Regulus recommended it — he said, pointing his finger at me with his free hand, and I I couldn't even defend myself, because it was true, everything Regulus asked, I did without thinking twice.

— How did I not notice before? I groaned, frustrated with all the dark corner opportunities I could have taken with Regulus.

— I don't know, mate, it just doesn't enter my head that you didn't understand all the obvious signs — he said, disappointed.

Don't enter mine either.

—

January 2022 — Middle of Seventh year.

Over the past two days, Regulus had woken up several times, none of which he was conscious enough to actually remember anything, staying awake for minutes and out for hours.

Sirius and I continued to take turns staying with him, and in the few moments when the nurses didn't notice, or pretended not to see, we both stayed at the same time, afraid he would wake up alone.
The tube in his mouth had been removed the first time he regained consciousness, and now, he appeared to be sleeping peacefully, without it on his face as a reminder that he was, in fact, unconscious in a hospital bed.

It was early in the morning, I was staying here while Sirius went home to rest, holding his hand and watching him sleep peacefully, unable to sleep in the armchair.

Spending the last few days being aware of my feelings about Regulus has been an…eye — opening experience.

I spent the last few days seeing and replaying all our moments in my mind, repeating them several times, until I convinced myself that, yes, Regulus reciprocated my feelings.

In the meantime, I came across a few gems, mainly people mistaking us for a couple, like when we went to Hogsmeade, just the two of us — on what would have been a date if I had been aware of my feelings — and we were stopped by an old couple , who said a lot of nonsense about having to enjoy youth, and not let love die with time.

Or when, on Valentine's Day, we went to Hogsmeade — on what, again, would have been a date if I had been aware of my feelings — and there was a woman who was selling roses to couples passing by on the street, and I had my arm in When I returned from Regulus, with the excuse I gave myself that it was because of the cold and I wanted to warm him up, and not because of all the covetous looks he was receiving, then the girl logically assumed that we were a couple, and we He offered roses, Regulus blushed at that — I, once again, blamed it on the cold — and you know what's worse?

I bought him the damn rose, handing it over with a “You like flowers, right?”, and he really turned the color of the rose, I remember getting worried and making us sit for a few minutes, until he came back to his usual color, and all this time, he was calling me an oblivious idiot.

I was an oblivious idiot.

— Sirius? — Regulus's scratchy voice broke me out of my thoughts, and I quickly grabbed a glass of water and helped him drink it, being careful not to choke.
He drank, but as soon as the glass left his mouth, he was calling out for his brother once again.

— James, where is Sirius? — he said, his voice slightly desperate, as he tried to get up.

— He's fine, he's at home, he's alive and he's not hurt — I replied, pushing his body against the bed, and I had to repeat it several times for him to understand what I was saying and stop fighting, letting himself be led. back to bed, he was worried about his scars, even though the stitches had already been removed.

“He's fine, Reggie, Sirius is fine,” I whispered, squeezing his hand, watching him relax, before tensing up again.

— My parents, they're going to go after Sirius and hurt him, I need to go after them, I need to protect Sirus — he said, starting to get up again.

— Regulus, calm down, no one is going after him, everything is under control — I repeated, trying to contain him again, but he didn't stop struggling, it was a miracle that no one came to see what was happening.

I didn't want to break the news, I wanted Sirius to have the opportunity to talk to Regulus, brother to brother, so they could understand each other and comfort each other, but he kept trying to escape and I had no other choice.

— They're trapped, Regulus, they're trapped, they won't bother anyone, please stop — I said, seeing that it took a while for him to register the words, but I saw the exact moment in which he understood what I was trying to tell him, because he froze, his face slowly turning to me. "They're not going after Sirius, he's fine, you're fine, they're all fine."

— What? — he whispered, in shock.

— Yes, darling, they're trapped, they won't hurt anyone anymore — I whispered back, pushing him to the bed once again, feeling relieved when he allowed it, but didn't let go of my hand, holding it tightly.

— When did this happen? — he seemed lost, a conflict of feelings passing through his expressive eyes, he seemed to not believe what he was hearing, but desperately wanted it to be true.
He looked like Sirius on Judgment Day.

— You were gone for two weeks, Reggie, after that night — I shivered, remembering once again that image of his body floating on the side, and he also shivered, seeming to share the feeling — You were really hurt, Reggie, you had to go through underwent emergency surgery, and was unconscious for weeks, recovering from everything, in the meantime, my father managed to convict his parents, with all the evidence from that night, with the Monster being a victim and witness, us being witnesses too, the evidence that my father had already been collecting before and —
— Before? Evidence he was already getting before that night? — He interrupted me, narrowing his eyes at me and I sighed.

— Yes, he's been looking for things since last Christmas — I told him the truth, seeing how he started to get irritated, trying to pull his hand, opening his mouth to say something, but I didn't let him — Don't even start with that, you know very well that if I told you he was investigating the case, you would try to stop it.

— Sirius could die if they noticed.

And my heart breaks into several pieces.

Regulus never once asked about himself, never once asked about his health, about what would happen to him, if there would be any consequences, nothing, not even where he was.

He didn't even remember to worry about himself, too caught up in protecting his own brother.

— You almost died — I replied — Your life was at risk, Regulus, none of us would allow you to leave that easily, do you really think we would just let you languish in a shitty life? Do you think Sirius would let you? — I asked, tears filling my eyes — We love you, you idiot, you're just as important to me as Sirius, if not more, so don't think for a second that we would leave you behind, that I would allow myself to lose you. so easily, because you are my Reggie and I won't let anything take away your right to live your life — I said, and he was silent for a moment, just looking me in the eyes, but there they are, something in his features changed.

— How many years? he asked, his voice low, small, fearing the answer.
— They will die there, without the right to a reduced sentence — I replied in a soft voice, seeing his eyes shine — You are free.

— I'm free — he whispered, as if it were a distant dream, as if he didn't believe it — I can do whatever I want.

— You can — I said, but I saw that he still didn't believe it — You're not dreaming, darling, you can do whatever you want now, you can have a party, and invite all the people you like, and not blame yourself for enjoying it. without them, because they never gave you love — I said, getting closer to him — You can cook all the food you want — I took his hands, looking into those eyes that I love so much, seeing them full of unshed tears — You can use white, pink, blue or any color that exists, just because you want — I got closer, closer and closer, and allowed myself to sit on the bed, next to you — You can see the world, go to museums, beautiful places and beaches, You can eat all the food in Brazil and go to a Harry Styles show and sing Matilda, because it makes so much sense to you — he said, smiling when he laughed lightly — You can fix that old red bicycle, and ride it around just to feel the wind hit your face, and not because you're upset — I whispered, placing your forehead against mine — You can have a house in some small village in Italy, you can have a vegetable garden and children, and have me there, giving you hell in every way. moments possible — with a small smile on my face, wiping away the tears that came out of my eyes in waterfalls, I said — You can do whatever you want, you can drop out of international relations classes and go back to art, you can buy all the world without being called a fagot, and if you want, you can be one too, Reggie. The point is that you are free to finally live, do what you want, see places and people, be happy without worrying about a test that you have a month to study for.

“I'm free,” he whispered.

“Yes, you are,” I whispered back.

— I can —

“You can do anything, Reggie.

— If you leave me —

— You don't have to ask permission from anyone, least of all me.

— But it's just —

“I'm serious, Reggie, you're your own man and everything.

— James, I swear to God that if you don't let me talk now, I'm going to take that potted plant from the corner of my bookshelf and stick those flowers in a place that should never be presented to nature — he growled, in his usual way. affectionate to be, taking my face in his hands in an aggressive way.

I obviously stayed quiet.

— Can I kiss you, you idiot? he asked, sounding irritated, but I could see the hesitation, the nervousness in his eyes.

I could never make him nervous, so of course the logical thing to do was kiss him.

—

— You jumped into a fucking frozen lake to save me? — Regulus shouted, throwing things at me, whatever he saw in front of him, he threw in my direction.

It was supposed to be just another normal visit, but it was Evan and Barty who were visiting Regulus, and that never ended well for me, And even though I wasn't doing anything to piss them off, the little shits decided to end my life for their own amusement. guys.

— He even put you on the ice and let yourself sink — Evan continued his story, with that smile on his face, in pure satisfaction.

— He was hypothermic and unconscious for 36 hours — Barty, who was sitting on Evan's lap, seemed happy to complete the story, smiling like a bastard.

— Do you guys hate me or something? — hiss at them, but I didn't have much time to communicate my resentment toward them because I was already dodging another pillow. Where did he get so many from, anyway? — Regulus, love, I can explain.

— Explain? Do you actively try to kill yourself or something? Is that what you want to explain? — he shouted, his face was red in a shade I had never seen before.

— Remus told me he was going to run into the mansion, even though the crazy people might be there with guns — Evan said, his smile widening impossibly, looking like the cat from Alice in Wonderland.

— James Fleamont Potter!

I'm sure her scream was heard throughout the hospital.