Ich weiß, du bist Sirius

Remus Lupin was unusually lonely as a little child.

Every time they had the chance, adults around him would tell him how grown-up and well-behaved he was, sitting alone in a corner, never actually looking beneath the surface of his blank but unwaveringly polite expression. Other kids would sneer at him whenever they saw him around, holding his mother’s hand, hiding his scarred face behind her skirt.

‘Sei nicht zornig, Liebchen,’ his mother always said to him. ‘Sie sind böse, weil du wie der Mond und nicht wie die Sonne scheinst. Ganz ruhig.'

Don’t be angry, darling. They’re mean, because you shine like the moon, not like the sun. Perfectly quiet.

Still, Remus couldn’t help but close off from others completely. He did his studies at home, and despised himself for it.

All of that changed when he finally got his letter to Hogwarts, aged eleven and begrudgingly hopeful.

His dad had wished to send him to Durmstrang at first, convinced that the school would swiftly break him out of his shell, but his mother, his dear softhearted mother, put her foot down at once, and so the letter from Hogwarts eventually came.

Remus’ preparations for the school year were nothing but hectic, but at least Hope and Lyall agreed on meeting the Headmaster in advance to talk about accommodations to care for his… Furry problem. Although he wasn’t present, after hearing what Albus Dumbledore’s careful and humane approach to said problem included, he relaxed considerately. This could be a new start, a fresh page!

Thus began his list, in which he compiled his absolute favourite, life altering and best memories of the next seven years. The list read:

One
1st of September, 1971

After going over everything he packed six times, there was nothing else to do but leave for the train station in London. Remus has only been to Diagon Alley twice, as Hamburg had its own Wizarding alley, and he has never ventured into London as far as King’s cross. After flooing there with his tingling fingers clutching the strap of his travel bag and his father pushing his trolley, he was suddenly compelled to turn back around and flee back home. The amount of people surrounding him was really no joke, and the noise he was slightly unused to made him all the more anxious. Trying to maintain a straight face, he took a deep breath and followed his father through the throngs of teary eyed parents and excited children.

‘Excuse me! Sorry! Terribly sorry!’ A strained voice sounded from his right, and then came a slight push, as someone tripped into him from the side.
A headful of auburn hair and a small grumble later, Remus’ eyes met with bright green ones.

The girl that bumped into him had a trolley with an animal cage perilously balanced at the top As the girl followed Remus’ line of sight, she sighed dejectedly.

‘I didn’t have any more hands to hold it, you see,’ she turned back to him, and brushed a strand of hair out of her face with a slight smile. ‘Really sorry about bumping into you, but this trolley has a life of its own. I’m Lily by the way.’
‘Remus,’ came the reply after he hastily cleared his throat. Remus didn’t try to replicate Lily’s friendly smile, but looked around hesitantly to find his father waiting just a bit further up, and so he asked instead: ‘Would you like any help with that? You can carry the cat that way.’

‘Could you really? Cheers, Remus.’ Lily took the cage, and kept close to Remus’ side as they fought through the crowd back to his father. ‘This is my first time here, and I feel like my legs are going to give out if I have to get through a magical wall again. Are you from a Wizarding family?’

‘My father’s a wizard, so you could say that, yes.’ Remus glanced at Lily, who was still glancing around nervously, probably waiting for another magical wall to appear. As it wouldn’t, Remus continued. ‘I’m from Germany, but I have been near other wizards before.’

‘Oh! Your English is seriously good though!’

‘My father’s English.’

‘Ah… I see’ Lily seemed a bit embarrassed, looking around even harder than before. ‘Say, Remus, would you mind sitting together on the train?’ Remus’ eyes widened. Did this girl really want to stay near him? Has she not seen the scars on his face? Maybe muggleborns were more accepting that way. He never really went near enough to muggles to check.

‘Sure, I don’t see why not. Wait a minute, I need to say goodbye.’

After the departure of the train, Remus and Lily settled into a comfortable and still empty carriage, continuing to talk about this and that. Remus learned that Lily came from a family full of muggles, no history of wizard folk at all. She had a neighbour that turned out to be a wizard, but he got sent to Durmstrang, and after he shit-talked about Hogwarts, Lily decided that she was better off without him. Remus secretly agreed.

They were incidentally just talking about their spacious carriage when someone knocked on the closed door. When it opened, it revealed a mousy toned boy their age, hanging off the frame and looking around inside.

'Hiya. Would you mind if I got in here? I lost my mate on the platform and everywhere else is full.'

After exchanging a look, Lily scooted over and patted the seat next to her. 'Not at all, nice to meet you. I'm Lily Evans, and this is Remus.'
The boy shook her hand, and then reached out for Remus'.

'Peter Pettigrew, nice meeting you both. Are you first years too?'

'We are. Do you-' The loud crack of the door opening again startled Remus from finishing his question. The three of them inside snapped their heads, and saw the source of the noise.

'Petey! Blimey mate, I've been looking for you all over the place!' A savagely handsome boy stood relaxed in the opening, glasses perching on top of his dark nose.

'James, there you are! I was wondering if you missed the train after all!' Peter sprung up from his place to throw himself at his friend. James caught him with practised ease, looking over his shoulders curiously.

'Peter, care to introduce me to our company?'
'Not at all. James Potter everyone, James, these are Remus and Lily, I've only met them just a second ago.' Peter pointed them out with a flourish, before falling back next to Lily. James took a seat next to Remus, and immediately turned to him.

'Remus, I could swear I've seen you before somewhere! Do you live near London?'

'Not at all actually, I'm from Germany. I live in Hamburg,' he said, a bit perplexed still from the energy radiating off of the newcomers.

'No way! Peter knows some German, maybe you can test him later. I'm from India, but I grew up in England. How about you, Lily? Are you from around here?'

And so the small talk continued, flowing a bit more flawlessly now that the whirlwind named James Potter was in the middle of it. Remus relaxed into the conversation as one does into a plush couch, and realised that his earlier fretting got left behind on Platform 9 ¾.

Lily had a fussy little sister, Peter and James knew each other since childhood, and Remus liked to read about so many topics that even the seemingly posh of their group nodded in amazement.

‘You know all about stars then?’ Lily asked, as he mentioned an astrology book to quietly invite her back to the conversation after a long segment of talking about Wizarding history.

‘Do you have a favourite one?’

‘A star you mean? I do, actually. Have any of you heard of Sirius?’

As if on cue, the door banged open. For the third time. And in came Sirius.

Years would pass, but the moment Remus Lupin saw Sirius Black would always stay in his memory clear as if it had just happened. From how he saw it, life happened ‘before’ that first day in Hogwarts - his very first meeting with Sirius - and ‘after’.

Him, Remus John Lupin ‘before’ was a timid little thing, holed up in his room, despising everything and everyone outside of his bubble, and at the same time wishing he would just belong somewhere. No matter how he tried, he couldn’t stay hopeful that he would be enough for the Wizarding world, even after a group of aurors captured the werewolf called Greyback that assaulted him so long ago. Not even after a Potions Master started experimenting with a potion called Wolfsbane, which, even in its earlier form, could ease his painful transformations.

Remus Lupin, ‘after’, though?

‘Lads, am I already so famous that people talk about me behind my back?’ The newcomer looked smug the way only an eleven year old could manage. He looked rather different than the picture Remus saw of him.

‘He’s not the star you talked about, is he, Remus?’ Lily huffed. Remus couldn’t tear his eyes away from Sirius.

‘Am I the only one who feels like these entrances are a tad too dramatic?’ Peter mumbled.

‘Ich weiß, du bist Sirius’ he blurted, still thinking of the picture in the German newspaper. His brain caught up a second later, and he shook himself out of his stupor. ‘I meant- I mean, you’re Sirius Black, aren’t you? Named after the star,’ the last bit he directed at Lily, who had her arms crossed, and looked a bit cross, herself.

‘Seriously? You never said that, Black!’

‘You should know, Pettigrew, that I’m always Sirius. However, not a star, sorry to disappoint, darling.’ He actually winked at Lily, then turned to Remus, making an act of sizing him up. ‘Hello to you too, stranger. Were you talking about my star, then? I swear I had the urge to sneeze. Now that I’m here, mind if I stay? My darling cousin has been driving me up the wall.’

‘Feel free to, mate. You know Peter then? I don’t think we’ve met, have we?’ James introduced himself, then Lily, who still seemed a bit pink on her full cheeks.
‘And this is Remus Lupin, he was just talking about his favourite star when you arrived. ’

‘Enlighten us then, Lupin.’

If James was a whirlwind in Remus’ imagination, Sirius was a proper hurricane. His smoke-grey eyes bore into his soul whenever they locked eyes, and he talked and joked around as much as James did, if not more. They all bought candy from the trolley, then bought more when it ran out. They warmed up to each other so well that after a few hours, James and Sirius were brawling on the seats, laughter sounding all around them. Lily was deep in discussion with Peter about the Wizarding world, with Remus adding his experience as a foreigner into the lot.
When the time came for them to change into robes, they were giddy and excited for the sorting to begin, and decide which house they would spend the next seven years in.

‘I reckon I will be a Gryffindor,’ James threw in after his return from the toilet. ‘Do you think Lily will be there? She seems wonderful.’

‘Aww, Jamie, do you already have a crush on Evans? Way to go, mate,’ Peter cooed, earning a whack on the head.

‘Let’s be a duo, James. The Casanovas of Gryffindor, what do you say?’ Sirius smirked, then cackled triumphantly when James clasped his hand. ‘I reckon everything is better than Slytherin, to be frank.’

‘Weren't all of your ancestors Slytherins?’ Remus asked, because he was genuinely curious.

‘That’s the whole point,’ Sirius sneered. ‘I can’t stand a single one of them. Peter knows how horrid they all are, don’t you, Pete? And he only met them once or twice.’

‘I don’t know about horrid, but it’s never any good when a Black’s involved. Sorry, mate.’

James looked on hesitantly, locked eyes with Remus for just a moment then cleared his throat.

‘We all know you’re not like them, Sirius. Slytherin wouldn’t be the end of the world, now, would it?’

‘We’ll see,’ he grumbled back, good mood visibly depleted, not even lifting his head from where he was packing away his belongings. Remus felt bad for bringing up the topic, but he had no idea how to redeem himself. The moment passed, Lily got back, and they got ready to leave the train.

Hogwarts was glamorous. There was no word for it, except for that it was somehow exactly how Remus imagined it, and also nothing like it. The impossibly high ceilings, the magic all around dizzied him, and the feast hadn't even begun.

Dumbledore was another big surprise for Remus. He even worded his wonder of the Headmaster while Professor Mcgonagall started out with the names.

‘He looks way too young!’ he whispered in disbelief to Sirius, who was idly playing with a strand of his hair. ‘He can’t be older than fifty.’

‘I’m telling you, he’s old. Could as well be your grandfather. Or great-grandfather, now that I’m thinking.’

Remus rolled his eyes, and elbowed him in the side. Sirius looked so thoroughly offended for a second that his heart skipped a beat in fright of ruining the moment. Then, a second later, Sirius kicked him in the ankle. Hard. He almost yelped in surprise, but that would have only made Sirius’ smug expression even more severe, and Remus thought he’d had enough satisfaction already. Instead, he started:
‘How is it you posh Englishmen say? Fu-’

‘Remus Lupin!’ Minerva McGonagall was a petite woman, but her voice could be heard loud and clear over the general murmur of hundreds of bodies in the Great Hall.

Remus snapped his mouth shut, and shot a look at Sirius. They were the last ones from the train-carriage bunch, the others picked out one by one to god knows which houses. His stomach lurched, and he felt his knees buckle as some people started turning around, looking at him.

‘Remus, go already!’ Sirius whisper-shouted, and not so gently pushed him forward, until his feet started working again.

He was stood by McGonagall, then sitting in the chair, facing the whole school. In his haze, he noticed familiar faces, all huddled around under the colour red. How was that even possible? His heart was pumping out of his chest, eyes flitting back and forth between the Gryffindor table and Sirius’ black hair, and the corner of his forehead that he could see above the crowd. The second that Sirius got on his tip-toes, their eyes met above the dozens of heads. Remus’ breath stopped.

‘Alright, alright, Gryffindor!’

Remus startled out of his daze, but got on his feet a moment later. The others waited for him with giddy expressions, James shouting and pumping his fist in the air. Lily ran to him and promptly hugged him, Peter nodding at him with a huge grin.

‘Now we only need to squeeze out thumbs for Sirius,’ he said when they sat back down, trying to shake his anxiety out of his hands, and stop his heart from running away from him. When was the last time someone who wasn’t related to him hugged him? He couldn’t remember.

‘We need to do what?’ James asked, the epitome of ‘trying to remain polite and not burst out laughing’.

‘Cross our fingers, he meant. German has a different phrase,’ Peter snorted much less politely, which was excused, as they truly didn’t care.

Sirius looked like a royal of some sort, regal and poised under the Sorting Hat. The only thing out of place was the way he held his hands in his lap, fists clenched.

‘Please,’ Remus heard his thoughts whispered out loud by James, so incredibly quiet that he couldn’t have expected Remus to overhear.

‘Gryffindor!!’

Remus jumped up. Their group was unbelievably loud compared to the sudden deafening quietness of the Great Hall. The Gryffindor table started chanting after a stunned second, but by then Sirius had reached them and was part of a hugging, jumping mess of bodies.

Remus, Sirius, Peter, Lily, James. All of them, Gryffindors. Loud, slightly overwhelming, but almost in a good way. They listened to their prefect after dinner, politely - they shouted in joy when laying their eyes on the Gryffindor common room for the first time. Lily got swept up by a group of girls, happily going along towards their dormitories, the boys rushing up to their shared one.
James took ownership of the bed nearest the window - ‘I like to wake up with the sun’, Peter the one close to the bathroom - ‘So I don’t fall on my face every time I need the bathroom during the night’. Sirius and Remus divvied up the two on the left side of the room, Sirius ending up near the far wall and Remus close to the door.

‘Boys, I can’t wait for the next seven years,’ James plopped down on his bed, freshly in pyjamas. ‘What a play of fate, all of us together, eh?’

‘I’m so excited! Also very sleepy. When do we have to be up tomorrow, again?’ Peter replied from his own four-poster, writing a quick letter to his parents.

‘Seven, they said,’ Remus finished packing his things away a while ago, but he still fiddled around with a book or two.

‘Merlin,’ Sirius opened the bathroom door with a cloud of steam in his wake. ‘I’m dead on my feet.’

‘Come sleep, then. Shut the light off on your way, will you?’

…

‘Bugger, I forgot to bring my chess set.’

‘Go to sleep, Petey.'