Kiss
It started with James’s idea to have a party with the Slytherins.
To unite Houses, he had said. To get to know Sirius’s brother and his friends better.
Not because he was dating said brother, of course. Not because they just wanted an occasion to be able to look at each other, to smile at each other, to talk without letting Sirius know anything about their somewhat secret relationship.
So far, it was a good idea, considering that Sirius still had no clue James was dating his brother, and they had been for two months now.
One would have to compliment James’s ability to hide his relationship from his best friend, because no one—especially Remus himself—had any faith in James that he would be able to keep any secret from Sirius. No one expected him to.
In fact, they even had a little bet going on to see when James would break and spill the beans to Sirius. There had been many times where he nearly let it slip, but no mishap yet. Marlene had already lost the bet, thinking James would break right away.
He was trying hard to conceal the secret, Remus could tell.
Just from how he was keeping a distance from Regulus at this party. He was in one corner of the Requirement Room, while Regulus was in the other. They didn’t seem like they were ready to tell Sirius yet.
He should truly admire the effort these two made to keep Sirius from their secret, but it was not like Sirius would know.
Sirius was many things. He was intelligent, he was brass, he was confident, but thinking his best friend might be dating his brother would never cross his mind.
Nonetheless, it was really none of Remus’s business. He just hoped Sirius wouldn’t react too badly once he found out the truth.
He returned his focus to the book on his lap, and while it was hard to do so in a confined room with music blasting around him, he made do.
A new weight leaned on his right side, and Remus didn’t look up from his book, though a smile found its way to creep on his lips regardless.
“You are aware that this is a party, right?” Sirius said, leaning against his shoulder. “Not a library.”
“I’m aware, Sirius.”
“Oh, Sirius. Did I do something wrong now?” He smiled, hopping off the arm of the couch to flop down next to Remus, draping his legs over the werewolf’s knees.
“No, sorry,” Remus said, looking up from his book to catch Sirius’s gaze and pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’m just thinking about our N.E.W.T.s tests.”
“Well, the name is there for a reason; why are you stressing about it even more? Besides, it’s only March!”
“The tests are happening in June, Pads. How are you not worried?”
“Because I know it’s no use stressing about it this early on, and you know what my mother said—wrinkles are bad,” he said, snickering and leaning back on the couch. “It was the only thing she said that made sense anyway.”
He placed his hand on Remus’s book, sighing softly. “So, Moony, will you, please, put your book away and enjoy this party with me, please?”
“You said please twice; you must truly want me to join then,” he said, and the gleam in Sirius’s eyes seemed to shine even brighter.
“Well, of course, Moony. You’re the only one I actually want to be with. At this party, I mean. Wouldn’t want to spoil it by letting this book hog you all night.”
Remus swallowed, and the smile on his lips faded briefly before he said, “Don’t let Prongs hear that.”
“I don’t think he’d mind,” Sirius said. “And you know what? There’s something different about him tonight.”
“Different how?”
“Like, I think he keeps trying to tell me something?” He shrugged, dangling his feet over Remus’s lap. “But he barely got to any point. I’m actually quite confused as to what he was trying to tell me. He went on and on about how we’re best friends, but then he just…stopped halfway. And now he’s just talking to Marlene. Do you know what he might want to tell me?”
Remus hummed, shaking his head. “No, not really.”
“I suppose he’s trying to tell me about Lily then,” Sirius said, chewing on his lower lip, and Remus looked back at his eyes.
“Lily?”
“Yeah, he’s trying to tell me that he’s moved on from her, but he couldn’t, because he hasn’t moved on from her. That’s my guess.”
Remus smiled. “That’s a good guess, Pads.”
“So, Moony, are you finally joining the party or not?”
Sirius cocked his head to the side, and a crooked smile bloomed on his face. He held his hand aloft, and a cup of Firewhiskey floated into his grasp.
“We have no class tomorrow. It’s the weekend, and this is really good!”
Remus considered his invitation, and granted, he was already at the party, but to participate in it was something else.
“If you don’t, I’ll keep begging!”
He took the cup from Sirius’s hand without hesitation, closing his book with a sigh.
“I will. If you say another ‘please’ today, it’ll be your new record.”
Sirius grinned, nodding his head. “Drink it, then.”
The look Sirius gave him was pure glee, and he watched as Remus drank down half of the Firewhiskey, wincing at the taste.
“Fuck,” he rasped. “It tastes horrible.”
“It’s alcohol.”
“Yes, I’m aware.”
Sirius patted his knee, taking the cup from him to down the rest of it in one go. His throat bobbed as he swallowed, and Remus tore his eyes away from him when someone whistled loudly in the room.
“Okay, why don’t we crank this party up a notch? It’s starting to turn into more of a family gathering now, and boy, do I hate it,” Rosier said, lifting up an empty bottle in his hand. “Anyone up for a little game?
*
The game they chose to play was Spin the Bottle.
Remus had to admit that he was surprised that Evan Rosier knew this Muggle game. It was simple, really, someone spun the empty bottle in the circle of people, and whoever it landed on, they would have to kiss that person.
Remus, so far, with his luck, hadn’t had to kiss anyone yet. Sirius had kissed Mary, Dorcas, and Emmeline. James had kissed Dorcas, again. And Regulus had yet to kiss anyone, though magic might be related, as whenever the bottle seemed to land on Regulus, it moved by an inch, and would turn to Pandora instead.
The bottle, this time, stopped shortly at Lily, and James widened his eyes, his gaze darting briefly to Regulus. The Slytherin didn’t react much to it. If anything, he seemed indifferent even. But, again, Regulus was great at concealing his emotions, as all the members of the Black family were.
“Oh, my,” Mary cooed, despite dating Lily herself. She had no problem watching James kiss her new girlfriend. “I’d like to see this.”
“It’s just a peck,” James said, letting out an awkward, dry laugh before he crawled across the circle to smile at Lily. “Sorry.”
“I don’t mind,” she said, her green eyes glimmering at him. “Somebody else might.”
Sirius nudged him by the elbow, and whispered low in his ear, “What does she mean by that?”
“I don’t know,” he said, because Sirius was the only one who had yet to find out about the truth, and for it to happen at this party would be unfortunate. For James, mostly.
Rosy plump lips pursed up, and Sirius nodded, looking back to watch the precise moment James kissed Lily for the first time.
Regulus’s eyes were fixed on them, in an intense way that Sirius had not caught on to. His friend, Barty Crouch Jr., elbowed Regulus and added a cough, making Regulus steer his gaze away before anyone noticed.
Just a peck, James had said, and a peck it was. If it had been two or three years ago, James would have been excited to kiss Lily Evans. Now, it seemed almost as if he was guilty of kissing her.
The kiss lasted about a second before James pulled away, retreating back to his spot as he wiped almost ferociously at his lips, all the while Regulus was not looking at him. On purpose, perhaps.
“Okay, well, that was not awkward at all,” Evan said, clasping his hands together. “Evans, please, spin it before any more of us get another moment of secondhand embarrassment.”
Lily smiled, but she followed his words and spun the bottle in the circle. And to watch it land precisely on Barty was a complete surprise.
“Oh! That’s nice!” Evan said, beaming almost too brightly for someone who was about to watch his boyfriend kiss someone else. “Barty’s a good kisser, don’t worry.”
“I don’t doubt it,” Lily said, meeting Barty halfway in the circle for a light kiss. No tongue.
“Someone better slip a tongue in to make this game more interesting,” Dorcas said, leaning back with her arms propped on the floor.
“I’ll make it more interesting for you, Dorcas,” Barty said, his tongue swiping at his lower lip as he placed his hand on the bottle. “All right, the next person this bottle lands on, I’ll kiss them with tongue. No exceptions.”
Half of the circle erupted with whistles and claps as the bottle began to spin at a fast pace, undetermined where it would land.
Sirius’s knee was bouncing slightly against his, his elbow on Remus’s thigh, and he didn’t have to ask to know that Sirius was nervous. For what, he wasn’t certain. Perhaps he just didn’t want to kiss Barty.
When the bottle slowed down, Remus felt the dreading sense on the back of his head telling him that it was going to land on him instead.
Of course, with his kind of luck, the bottle stopped directly in front of him and not an inch farther.
“Oh, Merlin,” Marlene muttered, silenced by Mary on her side, and she pressed her lips together as the air turned into absolute silence.
Sirius was quiet next to him, and he smacked James from behind like no one would see it.
“Maybe! Maybe, er, maybe just a peck?” James said, lifting his shoulders in a shrug. “Just—just a peck should do.”
“That’s a good idea, Prongs,” said Sirius. “A really good one. That is the rule of the game anyway.”
“Yes, but a promise is a promise, Black.” Barty was grinning at him, almost too smugly. “Besides, it’d be a real shame if I didn’t kiss Lupin with tongue.”
“Just a peck would do.”
Barty turned to look at Regulus with a curious look, the two of them exchanging something unreadable after Regulus had spoken up, as if they were reading each other’s thoughts.
“If it lands again on him twice, then tongue is acceptable,” Regulus added, which Pandora, Marlene, and Peter quickly reacted to with a nod. “Agreed?”
Barty narrowed his eyes, seemingly unconvinced. In the end, he nodded, exhaling a soft sigh. “Very well, I’ll accept it.”
From across the group, Barty got on his hands and knees, stopping short in front of Remus and flashing him a smile.
“Maybe next time, Lupin.”
He didn’t answer to it, instead, he waited for Barty to make the first move.
It wasn’t that he had never kissed anybody. Remus had actually dated Emmeline, only briefly, for four months in Fifth Year. They broke up. Well, she dumped him, but Remus knew he deserved it. He hadn’t been the best partner one could have, which included disappearing every full moon, and that was before she knew about his werewolf part.
It was just that his mind was still more on the N.E.W.T.s than on the next person he had to kiss in a game. He could care less about some ridiculous party game like this.
When their lips met, Remus could feel the cold brush of the snake piercings on Barty’s lower lip against his. He felt the intensity that Barty had in the press of his lips and how he reined it down for whatever Regulus asked of him.
Like he promised, the kiss didn’t escalate into anything else. As it ended, Barty leaned back, flashing him a satisfied smirk before his eyes darted to his left, where Sirius was seated.
“That was a good kiss,” Barty said, settling back in his seat, snugged between Regulus and Evan. “Shame I didn’t get a better kiss with you, though, Lupin.”
He darted his tongue out, the shiny silver piercing flashing past, and Sirius elbowed him from his side.
“So, your turn, Moony,” he said. “Spin.”
There was a hint of urgency in his voice, pleading, maybe. Even James, for some reason, was staring directly at him with widened eyes. It was a little unsettling, if he was being honest.
He placed his hand on the bottle, twirling it in the middle of the circle, not minding the hand that Sirius had placed on his knee.
Oddly enough, everyone appeared to be holding their breaths, seemingly nervous to know where the bottle would stop. He had thought he would be anxious as well, but unless it landed on Sirius, he had nothing to worry about.
When it slowed at Frank, coming to a slower halt at Alice and Lily, Remus could practically hear everyone’s heartbeat quickening in his eardrums. Especially Sirius’s.
As he expected, the bottle did, in fact, land straight at Barty’s spot. At the last second, it moved to the right, and came to a perfect stop between Barty and Evan.
Actually, the inch of space in between Barty and Evan’s knees.
“This is interesting,” Pandora said, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees, a beaming smile plastered on her face. “Who are you going to choose to kiss, Remus?”
“Choose?” Sirius spoke up, his eyebrows drawing together. “It—it lands between them, so Moony has to spin again, right?”
“Oh, now that’s completely boring!” Evan said, clicking his tongue. “Why should he have to choose in the first place?”
Dorcas raised her eyebrows. “What do you propose?”
“I’m not proposing; I’m saying that since it’s between us, it lands on both of us, correct?” His lips curled up in pure amusement. “Why does he have to choose when he can kiss both of us?”
“Both?” James stammered. “Both—both of you? Kiss both of you?”
“Am I not being clear enough?” Evan sighed dramatically. “I want to kiss Lupin. I’m not going to let go of this chance to kiss him; it’d be a very great shame. For me personally.”
Remus had to admit that the sentence stunned him a bit, but he kept his silence. He didn’t exactly expect Evan Rosier to tell everyone he wanted to kiss him on a night like this. After all, he didn’t even expect to join the party to begin with.
“And technically, I do feel like it landed on me first,” Barty pointed out, and Remus didn’t disagree. “So, whoever used wandless magic to stop me from getting to kiss Lupin, speak up, or hold your peace, I don’t care. Either way, I’m kissing Lupin again. With tongue, as promised.”
He raised his eyebrows, waiting for someone to break the silence, but, of course, none voiced the truth. Though their heartbeats were speaking for them already, Remus could hear every single one of them, drumming in his ears like its own rhythm.
“I thought so,” Barty said, a satisfied smirk painting his expression. “Well, it’s both of us then?”
“Do—do you want to kiss both of them, Moony?” James asked, cocking his head to the side as everyone kept their eyes on him.
If there was a moment where he felt more eyes on him, it would be when he answered Professor McGonagall’s question wrong in Third Year, and everyone was so surprised that they didn’t say a word.
This, however, was even more unnerving, and by far more terrifying than anything he had ever had to witness.
“I don’t think I mind any options,” was what he said instead. “Whatever works.”
“Just Barty? Just Evan?” Alice said. “Or both of them?”
“Or none?” Peter cleared his throat. “You can choose none, and spin again. We can do that.”
He lifted his shoulders in a shrug. “I don’t mind.”
“You want to kiss both of them?” Sirius asked, his voice so quiet that he could hear the hint of betrayal in it.
Sirius’s hand on his knee withdrew, and Remus exhaled a soft breath.
“I said I didn’t mind,” he replied. “It’s just a game, Pads.”
Something flashed on Sirius’s face, and he pressed his lips together, his eyes darting away as he nodded.
“Yeah, right, I forgot.”
“So, you’re kissing both of them?” Emmeline said, pointing her fingers at Barty and Evan with an amused smile. “Really?”
“Okay, I’ll decide for him; he’s kissing both of us,” Evan said.
While the two Slytherins crawled across the circle to his spot, he felt Sirius shifting away from him, just a bit closer to James instead. Their knees didn’t even touch anymore.
Barty stopped in front of him, cocking his head to the side. “Tongue is on the table?”
“I don’t care,” he said, which earned a rather too gleeful of a smile from Barty and even Evan. The answer must have been to their liking.
“Do you know how long I’ve wanted to kiss you, Lupin?” Barty said, twirling his hand around his red tie. “It almost feels like a fever dream now.”
“I can’t say I feel the same,” he answered, drawing a breathy laugh from the boy in front of him.
Barty leaned closer, whispering low in his ear, “Don’t worry, Lupin, I know who you truly want to kiss here. It’s not really a secret. Though I suppose for dear Black, he doesn’t know you feel the same, does he?”
“I think we should just kiss,” he said, at his normal volume, and he heard the hitch of a heartbeat in Sirius’s chest. He decided to ignore it.
“Now, somebody seems eager.”
With his lips ghosted over Remus’s, Barty kissed him again, tugging him closer by the tie.
The cool metal of his piercings pressed against Remus’s lips, and true to his words, Barty swiped his tongue over his lower lip, deepening the kiss once Remus let him in.
His hand tightened around Remus’s tie, their tongues moving together, and he, very clearly, felt the piercing on Barty’s tongue against his. The kiss felt cool, partly from the piercing, not that Remus minded it.
Remus flinched when he felt another pair of lips grazing his ear, trailing along his cheekbone, only to realize the voice once he heard it.
“Don’t be rude, Barty; share him with me,” Evan said, in a sultry voice as he cradled Remus’s face with his hands, pulling him away from Barty.
Evan was really not someone who enjoyed talking more than kissing; Remus only guessed from the way he kissed him instantly without much of another word.
Unlike his boyfriend, Evan didn’t have any piercings. His kiss was less dominating, more greedy with how he slipped his tongue past his lips right away, moaning into his mouth like a reflex.
But he kissed just as fervently as Barty; he could tell that much. And even bolder, as he nudged Remus back. He had to prop himself up with his hands on the floor while Evan climbed on his lap fully, arching his body against him as he hummed.
“Evan,” came Regulus’s voice, full of warnings, but his friend didn’t care much.
He glided his hands from Remus’s face down to his neck, tugging at his sweater while he nipped on his lower lip, moaning softly.
Remus was awfully aware of the fact that a Slytherin was straddling him, kissing him, all the while their friends were watching. Sirius was watching.
“I think that’s enough.”
Pandora’s voice surprised them, and Evan finally tore himself away from Remus, despite his hands, which were still very much fisted in his jumper. Evan looked over his shoulder, meeting Pandora’s gaze.
“Very well,” Evan said, his voice laced with a sigh as he released his shirt. He looked back at Remus, his lips curving up. “That was a really good kiss. I think I like you a bit more now, Lupin.”
“I don’t think I can say I didn’t agree,” he said, drawing a laugh from the Slytherin on his lap as he patted his chest.
“Charmer.”
Evan climbed off his lap swiftly, following his boyfriend back to their spots in the circle, and Alice clasped her hands together, smiling brightly.
“Okay, who’s up for another game where we don’t have to kiss anyone?”
He looked over at Sirius, not surprised to know that he was not looking at him. Instead, he had his eyes fixed on the floor, fidgeting with the rings on his fingers while James whispered something in his ear, his hand gripping Sirius’s knee.
Well, that certainly was a good idea to join the party.
*
The party ended late.
It was midnight when Lily reminded them that the Prefects would still be checking corridors, and she and James could only cover up so much before they might end up earning detention from Professor McGonagall.
They resorted to playing other games, like cards, or taking shots, and it truly did not help, considering half of them were now pissed and couldn’t even lift themselves up or walk in a straight line to return to their dorms.
“Hey,” James said, placing his hand on his shoulder. “Wormy and I are going to bring Xenophilius back to his dorm. He can barely stand up.”
“Yeah, sure. Do you need help?”
“No, we’re good. I was thinking, er, maybe you can bring Pads back.”
They both turned to look at Sirius, who was sitting on the windowsill with a half empty glass of Firewhiskey in his hand, twirling it in his hold.
“He doesn’t look so good. I’m actually surprised that he still seems pretty sober now. He really shouldn’t have taken those shots against Dorcas. She has a way better tolerance than anyone here.”
Remus nodded, and he looked back at James. “I can bring him back to our dorm. Don’t worry, Prongs.”
“I’m not; I know you’ll take care of him. Maybe even better than I will.”
He didn’t respond to it, and instead, he said, “You still haven’t found the right time and place to tell Pads you’re dating his brother yet?”
“Shush, Moony, he can hear us,” James hissed, clicking his tongue as he leaned closer, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “I don’t know. It’s very…I’m just afraid of making him mad. I already upset Reg tonight, and I don’t know what to do.”
“Regulus is upset?”
“He said he isn’t, but I think he is. I’m pretty sure he is. Pandora keeps giving me eyes, so he definitely is,” he said, exhaling a defeated breath. “I was hoping you’d help Pads back, so I can have a little more time to talk to Reg.”
“Yeah, I can do that.”
James thanked him softly, patting him on the back before he padded away with Peter, dragging a drunken Xenophilius with them out of the Requirement Room.
He pushed himself off the couch, walked over to the window, and plucked the cup off Sirius’s hand without much hesitation in his action.
“Hey! I was drinking that!”
“You’re not anymore,” Remus said, chugging the rest of the liquor down and feeling the burn in his throat as he swallowed. He did not like alcohol.
Sirius watched him with glazed eyes; his lips parted, but he kept quiet. In fact, he had been quiet for half of the night now. After the game, actually.
“Come on,” he said, offering his hand. “We’re going back. It’s past midnight already.”
“I’m liking it here, though.”
With the look Sirius was giving him, he was being even more stubborn than usual. Not that he did it a lot.
Sirius was only stubborn when he was upset. With him, specifically.
And the only way for Sirius to stop being upset was for Remus to fix this problem, since it was his fault.
His fault for kissing Barty and Evan; even if he shouldn’t feel guilty, he did, regardless.
“I’ll carry you on my back,” he said, making Sirius turn his head from the window so fast he might as well have snapped his neck. “If you come back to our dorm, now, with me.”
Sirius regarded him, his eyes roaming down to his hand before flitting up to meet his gaze. He pursed his lips, placing his hand on Remus’s palm and heaving a breath as he dropped his legs from the windowsill to the floor.
“I will go back with you,” he said. “But I won’t let you carry me on your back. Are you kidding? The full moon is coming soon.”
He smiled, nodding his head. “So you won’t need my hand too?”
“No, I’m drunk; I’m not bloody stupid.” He hopped off the window, squeezing Remus’s hand in his. “I’m taking half of your offer, at least, so I’ll be taking your hand. Thank you!”
They were the last ones to leave the room, watching the door disappear behind them. As they wandered down the dimly lit corridor, the air around them was quiet, the space seemingly too vacant. After a moment, Sirius voiced his question and broke the silence between them.
“Can I take your shoulder too?”
“How many shots did you take with Xeno?”
“I didn’t count,” Sirius said, resting his head on his shoulder blade with a sigh. “Possibly more than ten.”
“Did you win at least?”
Sirius tipped his head up, his chin poking at his shoulder as he flashed Remus a smile. “I always win, darling.”
“Darling,” Remus pointed out the word with a brief smile. “You must have drunk much more to be calling me that.”
“False. I don’t need some stupid liquor to know you’re my darling,” Sirius said, almost too pleased to use that particular word. “My Moony.”
He eased down the pressure in his throat, averting his eyes, and felt Sirius turning away to lean his cheek on his shoulder instead.
It wasn’t long before Sirius cleared his throat, once again speaking up after it had grown too quiet, too unsettling.
“You reckon anybody will catch us?”
“We’ll be fine. Lily’s distracting the Prefects.”
They returned to the dorm, swiftly and safely, thanks to the Head Girl and Head Boy they had, who, apparently, lied better than he’d given them credit for. He shut the door behind him, and Sirius let out a gentle chuckle.
“Look at Wormy,” he said, and Remus caught sight of Peter holding one of the pillows in his chest, curling up like a ball and snoring peacefully on his own bed. “He’s kind of adorable when he’s asleep.”
“You should go to sleep as well,” Remus said, guiding Sirius to his bed.
He flopped down on the mattress, groaning as he buried his face into the pillow.
“Oh, my sweet, sweet bed,” Sirius moaned, wiggling his feet as Remus unlaced his boots.
“Stay still.”
Sirius stopped struggling, letting Remus pull each of his boots away, hauling the blanket up to his waist. He brought his hands up to Sirius’s tie, loosening it as gray eyes looked up at him with a piercing gaze.
“Goodnight, Moony,” Sirius murmured softly, as Remus pulled his tie away from the collar of his shirt.
“Goodnight, Pads.”
He dropped the curtains down, padding over to his bed, sliding under his blanket, and tugging his own tie off him. The moon was shining through the windows, too brightly that the sensation was prickling on his skin like needles. Remus shut the curtains of his bed, sinking himself into the darkness that now surrounded him.
The closer it was to the full moon, the more he—felt. The pain bubbling along his spine, the aching in his jaw and running down his body, and the itch on his hands. He scratched over the old scars, one of which had mostly healed, and inhaled sharply.
Sleeping became much harder like this, especially around the time of the full moon. He could barely keep himself asleep without waking up with sweat. Dreams of blood and bodies flashed through his mind once he was awake. Nothing calmed him down, not even spells, or the Muggles’ medicine that Mary kept smuggling into Hogwarts to give him.
He would rather stay awake, anyway, keeping his mind busy with something else instead of the fact that he was going to become something else every month. Unable to lift the curse that was put on him, barely remembered himself after every full moon.
So, he pulled out his book, cast a Lumos, and studied.
That was the only thing he could think of at the moment that might help him, and by the time he finished his book, it was three in the morning. Yet his mind hadn’t felt at ease.
James hadn’t returned to the dorm as well; he suspected he might stay in the Slytherin dungeon tonight. As long as he returned before they all woke up and Sirius didn’t notice his absence, he’d be fine.
He closed the book with a sigh, slipping his hand out of the curtains to put his wand on the nightstand. He should try to sleep, nonetheless.
“Moony?”
Remus withdrew his hand, staring into the darkness of his bed at the voice.
“Are you awake?” Sirius said.
“I am,” Remus replied. “Why are you awake?”
There was no answer, and just as Remus prepared to shut his eyes, the curtains were dragged open for Sirius to climb onto his bed.
He lied down on the left side, his usual side, whenever he wanted to share the night with Remus, which occurred way more often once the full moon came closer. It was a thing he did ever since he found out Remus was a werewolf, and he hadn’t stopped since.
Remus didn’t ask him to stop.
He eased himself on the bed, sinking into his pillow and looking skyward, grimacing at the slight ache in his lower back. It had gotten worse after yesterday.
“Why are you not asleep yet?”
“Why aren’t you?” Remus said, and Sirius huffed, rolling onto his right side to look at him in the night.
“I just woke up; it’s better now. I think I sobered up a little, and the room does not shake anymore.”
“You should take Sobering Potion just in case.”
“You never answered my question,” Sirius pointed out. “Why are you awake? Did you spend the last hours studying again?”
“Yeah.”
“How painful is it?”
The question was straightforward, and Remus struggled to keep the lies from Sirius. There were only a few things he could lie to Sirius about, and this was not one of them. Never.
“Only a bit,” he said. “I have another week. Nothing I can’t handle.”
“If it’s too much—”
“It’s not.” Remus exhaled softly, resting his hands on his stomach. “Don’t worry about it, Pads.”
He let out a chuckle. “Kind of hard not to. You’re asking me not to worry about you. I can never do that.”
“Hasn’t it always been the same?”
“Just because it happens every month, does it mean I’ll stop worrying about you?”
When Remus remained quiet, Sirius continued, “Well, it doesn’t, for your information. So I’ll keep worrying, and you’ll just have to deal with it.”
He smiled in the dark, and he was pretty sure Sirius wouldn’t see it. However, Sirius shifted closer to him, until his cheek was pressing against his upper arm.
“I’m still here, just so you know, or in case you forgot,” he whispered, scratching his nails over the sleeve of Remus’s sweater. “And I’ll still be here for every full moon that may come. We all will.”
With the throbbing headache, Sirius’s words felt almost soothing for him, like a charm itself that made him feel better in an instant.
His touch helped, too, not that Remus had ever told Sirius that.
“I know, Pads,” Remus said.
Sirius sighed into his shirt, hooking his arm around Remus’s and nuzzling closer to his upper arm.
“You’re very warm, Moony,” he murmured. “Is this a werewolf thing or a you thing?”
“Possibly a werewolf thing.”
“I like to think it’s both.”
Sirius smiled, curling up closer to him, and Remus pulled the blanket over his shoulder just as Sirius let out a yawn.
“Where’s James?” Sirius said. “His bed is empty, and the cloak is gone.”
Remus cursed in his mind, clenching his jaw before he said, “He’s probably snuck into the kitchen. You know he’s hungry after he drinks.”
“Right, yeah.”
The silence filled out the air between them, making it impossibly difficult to start any conversation. He felt like Sirius was going to say something, and he was just gathering up all the words and ways to say it.
With how he was brushing his fingertips over the sleeve of Remus’s sweater, he was contemplating something. Hard.
“Was it good?”
“Was what good?”
“The kisses you shared with Crouch Jr and Rosier.”
Of course. He was kind of expecting Sirius to ask him that. It was bound to come sooner or later. Better sooner, anyway.
“It was just a kiss, Pads,” he said, drawing out a breathy chuckle from Sirius.
“Sure looked like you enjoyed it, though. Especially when you let Rosier on your lap. Didn’t stop him or anything.”
Remus didn’t answer. What was he supposed to say? That the kisses were just fine? That he would rather kiss someone else? And the person was now interrogating him about the kisses?
“Do you like them?” Sirius asked, without waiting for Remus to say anything.
“No, Sirius, I don’t,” Remus replied, sighing softly. “Not in a romantic way. I like them because they’re Regulus’s friends. That’s it. It was just a kiss. For a game. At a party, nothing more.”
When Remus said his name, Sirius must have sensed a certain glimpse of annoyance in his tone, as he withdrew his arms from Remus’s and shifted back to his spot on the bed.
He rarely ever said Sirius’s name anymore, unless he was serious.
“Sorry,” Sirius murmured. “Sorry for asking. I was…I don’t know what I was thinking. Just thought they might be a good kisser, and you liked it.”
“I haven’t kissed enough people to be able to compare or judge their skills.”
“Yeah. Yeah, right, I know that. You’d have, you know, if you’d kissed me.”
Sirius let out a dry laugh, and Remus turned his head to look at him. It was too dark in the closed bed, but he could hear Sirius’s heartbeat in the silence.
His heart was beating faster than usual. Nervous. Laughing to cover up the emotions he held in his chest.
“We should go to sleep.”
He rolled onto his right side, turning his back to Sirius and closing his eyes. There was a quiet and soft sigh coming from Sirius, right before he spoke up again.
“Hey, what did Barty whisper to you?”
“Nothing important,” Remus said, sliding his hand under the pillow.
He squeezed his eyes shut when Sirius, undoubtedly, also turned to his side, their backs touching each other.
It was a habit Sirius had grown to have through the years. If he slept on Remus’s bed, he had to touch him. Their legs would be tangled, or he would be holding Remus’s arm, or sometimes, it would even be close to a cuddle.
In a way, Remus did find it calming, like the pain was easing off him with every touch Sirius gave.
Sleep came to him easier like this, and he let himself doze off, with Sirius’s warmth pressing against him.