White Sand

Something had changed with Sirius. He had always had a flirty personality, not just with Remus but with practically everyone. But now? He was insufferable. Sirius had always liked to make Remus flustered, it was like a game to him, Remus thought. Remus didn’t know what had happened, but he was now unbearable to be around.

The night after the ‘lap incident’ as Remus called it, they had gone to sleep cuddled up (in a half platonic way) every night and woken up in a munch worse position. One night Sirius was basically lying on him, his head on Remus’ chest, arm around his waist, the other clutching to his shirt and legs intertwined, other times they were lying with Remus’ back against Sirius’ chest. Remus was going crazy. He honestly didn’t know how much more he could take.

Worst of all, he hasn’t had any alone time with Lily the whole trip to rant about his problems (Sirius). This morning, though, he woke up before Sirius, shocker, to try and get Lily alone. He walked out to the kitchen and with his luck she wasn’t alone. For fucks sake James.

“Wow, you’re up early, sunshine.” James said, Remus ignored him trying to get Lily’s attention and James, somehow, took it as a sign to continue to talk, “You know the offer from a few days ago still stands.” Dear god, it was too early for Remus to deal with James’ ESTP personality.

“I fancy a walk, Lily come with?”

“Why weren’t I invited?”

“Sure.”

The couple looked at each other, Lily with a bit of annoyance and James with a foolish look on his face.

-

They had been walking in silence for a while when Lily finally spoke, “So, what’s up?” she was giving him one of those sweet Lily smiles that just made everything perfect, well almost.

Remus, not knowing where to start just shrugged and silence fell over them yet again.

“Is it about ‘you know who’?” She said while smiling that knowing smile. Remus loved her for knowing every part of him and if they weren’t completely obsessed with other people, Lily might have been his soulmate. “You know what I’m going to say. Just go for it.”

“You know I can’t. He’s one of the most important people in my life. I don’t think I can live in a world where he’s not in my life, I mean, remember the week I went without talking to him? I was a mess.” He smiled sadly and Lily looked at him to go on, “It’s just that I’m so scared of him rejecting me. And don’t say he won’t.” He looked at her with a stern look. “I know it’s hurting me not saying anything, but I would take that every day over our friendship being awkward or weird.”

If it was any other person, they would have looked at him with pity, but Lily didn’t of course. She looked at him with such an understanding.

They both had insecurities, they were both unsure of everything, even themselves, but that is just what made them so close.

When they were young Lily couldn’t stand being around him because he was friends with James, but when she noticed he would sometimes sit and study in the library by himself, she started getting to know him. It started out by them just studying together, but when Lily then started to get a little more comfortable and complain about James, Remus wouldn’t disagree or try to convince her to go on a date with him but just listen to her, really listen. And Remus? He finally found someone who understood him. Of course, Peter, James and Sirius understood him but with Lily it was different. They both grew up in a different household from the other boys, so they knew they had to work harder to become something, to become someone.

Lily, sensing something was bothering him took his hand in hers and began swinging them back and forth.

They had now reached the cabin again and Remus was both relived and slightly disappointed. He was starting to get cold but at the same time he didn’t feel like facing the others.

She looked at him and gave his hand a quick squeeze. He sighed and with a small smile they walked inside.

Chaos. Chaos was the only way to describe the situation. Mary was blasting a song Remus had heard before but couldn’t quite place the name, Sirius, James and Peter were playing an intensely loud uno game (Sirius and James were teaming Remus guessed) and Marlene was playing some game on her phone, Dorcas’ sleeping form leaning against her, even though the music was so loud.

“I know you’re cheating. Stop it!” Peter close to yelled after James slipped a card into Sirius’ hand.

Remus and Lily looked at each other as he whispered, “I’m going to take a nap, good luck with those.”

She just smiled at him and went over to Mary, who was so occupied in her music she didn’t notice her until she put her hands around her waist and hugged her from behind. “Hey Lils,” James looked happily up from the game at the mention of her name, “did you leave Remus in the forest?”

She laughed “I didn’t leave him this time, but the old man went to take a nap.”

At that Sirius looked up and threw his cards on the table and went into their shared room, not caring about the ‘Boo’ he got from James who was probably close to winning.

When Remus heard him come into the room he just smiled and closed his eyes. Sirius slipped under the covers and moved closer. He was ow so close that he could slip an arm around Remus’ waist if he wanted to. But he didn’t. Remus tried not to feel the drop in his stomach. He thought Sirius went into the room to cuddle, but no. So, he closed his eyes and tried to softly move closer to him, then he heard Sirius letting out a chuckle. He turned around to see him watching him with a fond expression on his face. Not really caring he had made a fool out of himself he just crept his head into his chest. And yet again Sirius didn’t move. Had Remus done something? But if he had done something, why would he look at him with such a fond look?

Before his thinking could spiral into an endless hole, he felt an arm moving behind him and pulled him even closer. “Lift your head, Moons.” His soft whisper spoke, almost a question. He did and then he felt another arm but this time it was moving under his head. Adjusting a bit, he started to get comfortable. One of his hands sneaked around Sirius’ waist and the other was clutching onto his shirt.

It wasn’t long before he felt asleep, the warmth consuming him. It didn’t last long though. It couldn’t have been more than five minutes, and he heard the door banging open. He heard Sirius shout-whispering a ‘Shut up Prongs, you’re going to wake him!’ Remus just groaned and snuggled even more into his warmth. “What do you want?” He manged to get out, his voice filled with sleep.

He could practically hear the grin in James’ voice, “We’re making lasagne! Care to join?”

A hand was now playing with his hair. Remus could melt, he just felt so content that he didn’t even bother replying.

“I’m going to take the fact that y’all are too occupied with each other as a big no.” Sirius just snorted as a response but continued caressing his hair. There had been a couple minutes of silence, so Remus took it as a sign that they were alone yet again and held onto him tighter.

Breaking the silence Sirius spoke softly, “Rems,” Remus looked up at him as a sign to go on. “do you think-“ He was interrupted by Peter barging into the room looking for something, clearly not noticing he had just interrupted a moment. Sirius looked like he could kill him and when Peter finally looked at them his smile fell. He sent an apologetic look and hurried out of the room.

Remus looked back at him, but Sirius wasn’t looking anymore. “What were you saying?” Sirius just hummed, so Remus pressed the subject, “You were going to ask something?”

“Oh, I don’t remember…” Sirius trailed off. He still wasn’t looking at him, so Remus had a feeling he was lying, but if he didn’t want to tell him that was okay.

-

There was only three days left of their trip. The last few days had passed by so quickly, the days were mostly filled with some drinking games where Remus did get a little drunk but not so bad that the others commented on it. After his and Lily’s secret drinking game the rest of the group now watched them.

It was afternoon and Remus and Sirius were on a walk. It started with Sirius begging him for going with him but Remus, who could freeze in sweaters, were not so keen on the idea. Sirius had gone on about how he had walked with Lily and that they should spend the last days at the cabin so they should ‘use it wisely’. At the end Sirius had annoyed him so much he ended up saying yes.

So now Remus is walking while freezing, listening to Sirius talk about some of his classmates and trying to stay sane. Sirius’ hair was sat up in a bun and a few strands were hanging prettily around his sharp features. Remus was trying to listen to what he said, he really was but the way Sirius’ cheeks were a slightly flushed and the wind making his hair all alive were making it hard to focus. He actually felt kind of dizzy, oh well.

“Remus?” Shit did he ask a question, or did he get caught starring? He tried to casually hum but it didn’t quite work. It made Sirius slow down a little bit. He was staring at him, and it made Remus even more dizzy. The sun making his eyes shine and Remus forgot how to breathe. “Moony are you listening?” He was studying him now clearly waiting for a reacting or an answer. Remus just grinned a bit of a crooked smile. It looked like he was fighting back a smile himself.

Before he could think Remus just blurted out, “You are so pretty.” Sirius’ before smile that had sneaked up on his face had dropped. Instead, a shocked expression took over his features. A deeper blush came across his cheeks and Remus felt his own face heat up too.

Sirius just hit him in the chest and muttered, “You’re so full of shit.” He was looking down at their feet, the deep red colour still hasn’t left. Remus grabbed his hand that still was at his chest. That made him look up. They were looking into each other’s eyes and Remus made the mistake of looking down at his pink lips. Sirius was gripping onto Remus sweater holding on for dear life. “Moony…” he whispered so quietly.

Remus leaned down, just the slightest and he could practically feel their shared breaths. Sirius leaned in first. It was just a quick brush of their lips, it didn’t even last for more than two seconds, but it was the best moment of his entire life.

Remus’ heart was beating like crazy and before he could even process their first kiss, Sirius was chasing his lips in a rushed motion. It was like his brain couldn’t process that but luckily his body reacted with the same eagerness. Sirius’ hands were holding his face with a forcefulness that made Remus’ throat come out an embarrassing groan like noise. It was what made him catch up with reality. He pulled back and looked at him eyes wide. Sirius who saw his panic went from looking so peaceful to looking like a puppy who just got stepped on.

“Oh god. Remus I’m so sorry! I didn’t know what came over me, please don’t hate me. I- I can’t lose you. I didn’t think and-“ Remus shut him up with another kiss. It wasn’t hurried or anything just… sweet.

Remus’ fingers were in Sirius’ hair caressing him with a slow motion. Breaking apart Sirius moved his head, so it was now resting in one of Remus’ hands. “Siri,” he spoke up. Sirius opened his eyes, and he couldn’t read them, or he could but he didn’t want it to be false.

Before he could finish Sirius spoke up, “I’ve wanted that for so long Moony, you have no idea.”

Remus chuckled but answered with a small, “I have some.” Not even a second after Sirius jumped into his arms and he span them around. Their foreheads resting against each other’s.

It was Sirius who spoke up first, “So what now? Are we going to tell or…” he trailed off. Remus just kissed him as a response, because now he could do that. He could kiss him whenever he wanted. And now that he had tasted him, he believed he would never stop again.

Sirius started to giggle into their kiss, causing it to become quite a weird angle, but Remus found himself not caring. “Moony, we need to talk about it.” He said in between kisses.

“Talk about what?” another giggle.

“Remus I’m serious.” That made Remus look up with an amused smirk. Sirius just hit him playfully on the shoulder and gave him a look.

“Okay, well I really like you, more than that actually, and I have for so long and we can do whatever you’re most comfortable with.” A tiny blush crept up on Remus’ cheeks and Sirius looked at him like he had hung the moon for him (he probably would if he could), so he continued. “We can tell them if you want but there’s no rush from my side, but I know you would want to tell James so-”

“I love you.” Sirius whispered.
Okay, Remus needed a second. Because what have the last 10 minutes been? All his life he thought someone like Sirius could never love a guy like him, but here he is, swollen lips and broken ears clearly.

“You don’t have to say it back, I know its early to say it, but I really do Moons.” And again, what? Because could Sirius not see all the looks and words and well… everything? Remus was so in love it almost hurt. “Remus please say something.”

“I love you too. God, of course, I do.” And if Remus had thought Sirius couldn’t get more beautiful, he was wrong. The way his eyes crinkled and how his whole face lit up. Oh, he was so wrong.

“Let’s wait so they won’t make fun us just yet.” Another kiss.

-

The first thing they noticed when they walked into the cabin was that everyone was in a weird position. They were clearly waiting for them to come back. Peter was reading a book upside down, James standing like he’s posing for a statue, Lily looking very interested in a lamp, Mary and Dorcas having a very heated discussion about god knows what and Marlene just staring at them with a smirk

Remus and Sirius looked at each other and Sirius spoke up, “Mary did you tell everyone?”

“Yeah.” Marlene answered for her. A death glare sent her way followed by an apologetic smile sent towards Sirius.

“What? What if he had rejected me or something?!” Remus snorted at that, as if he would ever do such thing.

“Well, he wouldn’t so…” she said with a grin and after some time her face softened and everyone started to run up to them, hugging them. It ended with Remus falling over, Lily and Sirius trying to catch him, James and Peter laughing their asses off and the rest just watching with a fond look as the scene folded out.

After everyone’s laughter had died down James started sulking. Lily as if sensing what was going to happen, rolled her eyes as Dorcas asked, “What’s wrong with your face, Potter?”

He was looking at Remus while saying, “Now my fantasies about my three-way with Moony can’t happen.” That made everyone burst into laughter again. Well except for Sirius who looked like he wanted to kill him.

Remus grabbed his hand and giving it a little squeeze. It seemed to do the trick because Sirius visibly relaxed. They shared a look, small smiles on their faces.

“Get a room.” With a glare towards Marlene, Sirius did in fact pull Remus towards their room. The action was followed by a few ‘Oooouh’s and a ‘Don’t fuck while I’m in the room besides’ by Peter, as Sirius closed the door.

When they were alone Sirius took his hand from Remus and while standing on his tip toes, he brought them at Remus’ neck bringing him down towards him. Remus, personally, found no issues with Sirius taking the lead and gladly opened his mouth with a hum, his hands finding Sirius’ waist almost automatically. They were almost immediately interrupted by someone banging on their door.

“I’m serious, don’t shag while we’re right beside you.”

Sirius was quick to respond, “Fuck off Prongs.” Remus snorted and Sirius smiled that smile again. Remus wanted to kiss it of his face, so he did. They were both smiling into the kiss, and it was like every dream he ever had, came true.

Sirius looked up at him then, a smirk placed upon his features. He walked backwards toward the bed pulling Remus with him. He didn’t stop when they reached the bed though. Sirius just fell back, and Remus tripped down with him making a little ‘oof’ sound.

“You need to stop making me trip. It’s very dangerous.”

“You’re blaming me for your clumsiness? How dare you Moony… here I thought you loved me.”

Remus hid his face in the crook of Sirius’ neck and smiled. He heard Sirius let out a yawn and had to contain his own mouth for coming out with one too. It didn’t work.

“Let’s take a nap.” Remus just hummed but made no effort to move. “You need to move so we can lay on the bed normally, love.” Love. He held tighter onto him.

“I’m uncomfortable.” Sirius said but made no effort to move himself.

“You’re saying I’m uncomfortable to cuddle with?” He tried to sound offended Sirius just groaned.

“Please, Moony?” and who was Remus to deny him? He rolled over and let Sirius make himself comfortable before he laid back on top of him again. He signed contentedly.

Remus fell asleep while his hair was caressed and a body keeping him warm.

-

It was now their last night at the cabin. Remus and Sirius were sitting close in one of the chairs, Marlene and Dorcas in the other while the rest were sitting in the couch, a bit squished together. They had been playing uno, but Remus ended up quitting when he had to draw over 20 cards. Sulking, he watched Lily ‘magically’ win every time (James gave her all his best cards).

The others were too invested in the game they didn’t even notice and that’s how Remus cheered up. “How the hell are you winning almost every round?” Marlene scoffed.

“I don’t know Marls, must be my luck.” Lily said with a poker-face. ‘yeah luck’ Remus muttered, and James caught his eye smiling brightly.

Remus was getting quite tipsy by stealing Sirius’ drinks. At first Sirius had cut him off but somehow Remus managed to steal his drinks. Sirius found out and just ended up letting him, a fond smile on his face. So now that James had just given him one of his ‘James smile’s he got a bit emotional. He cuddled further into Sirius, his head on his shoulder and arms around his stomach.

“Why don’t you ever cuddle me like that Rems?” Mary spoke. Remus sent her a smile in return. He was a bit startled when he suddenly felt a hand play with his hair but when he looked up, he found Sirius watching him with a look filled with so much love Remus could explode. They locked eyes for quite some time until Sirius looked away, a small smile permanent on his face.

Remus looked away, mostly because if he didn’t, he wouldn’t ever stop, and caught Lily’s eyes. She was holding up James’ phone, probably taking a picture of them, Remus poked out his tongue and she started to take more pictures. For once Remus didn’t mind. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was the fact he finally felt content.

-

It was too early. They had to get out of the cabin two hours before the original time and Remus who was a little hungover wasn’t happy about it. He hadn’t even woken up to the sight of Sirius by his side, so that might also be a reason he was a little grumpy.

With a groan he stood up, the cold air already greeting him, and it made him question his entire life. He walked over to his already packed suitcase (thank god for yesterday Remus) and took his t-shirt off to put on a sweater.

“Moony are you- oh.” He turned around to see Sirius standing there watching him with an expression he couldn’t remember seeing before. Feeling self-conscious he quickly put on the sweater.

When the sweater was on, he saw Sirius standing closer to him. His pupils a little dilated and his mouth was ever so slightly opened. “Hi.” He spoke.

“Hi?” He didn’t mean for it to come out as a question, but it did. Before he could think about his poor word vocabulary, Sirius was pulling him down and kissing him soft and slow. It quickly turned into a more heated kiss and before he knew it, he was sitting on their bed with Sirius in his lap.

A cough pulled them out of their little world, Remus embarrassed getting caught and Sirius looking annoyed. James stood with a smirk plastered on his face as if he didn’t just walk in on two of his closest friends making out. “Are you ready in 10?” his smirk just grew bigger. Remus manged to give a little nod and that seemed like it was enough of a response. That or he wanted to leave them alone yet again.

With another quick kiss Sirius stood up and took Remus’ suitcase to the car. Remus himself needed a minute to clear his thoughts before even thinking about being in the same room as James, let alone car.

When he walked outside, he was attacked by the girls hugging him so tight he almost couldn’t breathe. He knew there would be some time before he saw them again, so he hugged back just as tight.
An ‘Oi, why didn’t we get such a hug?!’ pulled him away as he began walking towards the car.

When he got in Sirius was quick to take his hand.