Chapter Four
Mary blurs out everything else after they finally arrive at the castle. They all leave the carriage rather fast, James, Peter and Marlene running towards the entry excitedly, while Sirius follows them more slowly, obviously still caught up in his thoughts. Surprisingly, Remus stays with Mary. Well, he doesn’t really stays with her. He just walks closer to her than to anyone else and although Mary tries to deny it to herself, she does find some weird comfort in the quiet presence of someone who’s also not totally caught up in all that magic shit.
An elderly woman explains some stuff to them, that Mary doesn’t feel like listening to. She doesn’t even try to remember her name, just hums under her breath, making some children glare at her. And because she might be a little bit of an asshole, she just hums louder.
When they finally can sit again in some giant hall, Mary can spot that hat, they’d been talking about on the ride. It looks kind of dirty, making her scrunch up her nose.
“How long do we have to keep that hat on?” She asks Marlene, who sits next to her.
The girl turns to her. “Oh, just a few minutes. Depends on how long it takes him to decide.”
“I heard there had been one bloke, who had to sit with it for fifteen minutes!” James comments from where he sits in front of them. “They started questioning if he’s even a wizard, before it finally decided.”
“Can that happen?” Mary asks, suddenly more excited.
“What?” James asks.
“That they make a mistake. That someone isn’t a wizard.”
His face scrunches up in thoughts. “Nah.” He finally says. “I haven’t heard of it.”
“Nope.” Marlene agrees. “If you’re in Hogwarts, you’re a wizard. Don’t worry.”
Mary nods, even though that was the quite opposite of her real worries. Whatever. Running away will do it anyway.
“Oh, look.” Marlene points at the front. “It starts.”
Mary turns around and watches the way Dumbledore stands up from where he was seated on the front. There is a smile on his face, warm and caring, a twinkle in his eyes, that are covered by some half-moon glasses. Mary wants to punch him in the face.
She again blurs everything out, because, no, she won’t give him the satisfaction of her actually listening. No, she won’t do more than she is actively forced to. So, instead she focuses on the large plates with various food on the long tables. She takes as much as she can on her own plate, eating it fast. She will need it for the long way back and she doesn’t plan on starving.
A loud cheering drags her back into reality. Surprised she looks up, seeing someone walk back towards a table from the front. Oh, apparently they’ve started with the sorting thing.
Mary watches as kid after kid walks up the way to the front and takes that hat on their heads, until it shouts the answer through the whole hall. She doesn’t know most of them, doesn’t really care, until suddenly Sirius’ name is being called.
The boy stands up from where he sat next to James. His face looks even paler than before, eyes huge with fear even though he clearly tries to fight it.
“Oh, Sirius Black.” Someone says on her other side. “He’s a Slytherin.”
“What? Why?” Mary asks genuinely curious. Weren’t the Slytherins the assholes?
The girl next to her looks at her shortly, before looking back up. “He’s a Black. They’ve all been Slytherins.” She nods to the Slytherin table on the right. “All full of them, Bellatrix, Andromeda, Narcissa. It’d be a shame, if he weren’t.”
Mary frowns, as Sirius grabs the hat with shaking hands. “For whom?”
The girl turns to her again. “For all of them.” She looks at Sirius. “But especially for him.”
Mary stares as Sirius puts the hat on, his head completely hidden behind it. The whole hall is quiet, looking up at him and for a single moment Mary imagines to just scream so anything would fill this awkward silence.
And then, loud and clear, no room for any mistakes, the hat shouts: Gryffindor!
There is no applause like the other times. It is as if it’s even quieter. Slowly Sirius takes the hat off, staring at the Slytherin table with big eyes. It’d be a shame, if he weren’t. The words flood Mary’s brain. For all of them. But especially for him. Something has shifted in the air. She can feel it, it’s right in front of them. The beginning of something uncontrollable. Blood lays in the air.
And then Sirius’ face breaks out in a wide grin as he walks down towards the Gryffindor table, head raised, daring anyone to stop him. Slowly, applause raises, but it’s not enough to fill whatever has been changed in that moment.
Another kid is being called and just like that everything keeps going on. The girl, Lily, from the wagon is also a Gryffindor. Mary watches how her eyes brighten, green sparkles twinkling in the dull light. She waves to her friend, that Severus guy and walks towards the table. Remus is also Gryffindor, though he only smiles slightly as if he doesn’t know what to make with that information. He sits next to Sirius, but they don’t look at each other. Or, well, Remus doesn’t look at him, while Sirius probably tries to get the courage to address him.
Pathetic, Mary thinks, right as her name is being called. Instantly her hands build into fists. She ignores this weird feeling inside of her and stands up, head raised, gaze sharp. She is Mary fucking MacDonald. No one can make her feel any less of what she is worth and Mary knows exactly what she is worth.
She starts walking, her steps oddly loud in the giant hall. But she doesn’t look back, doesn’t hesitate, doesn’t let her head or gaze sink, not for one inch. She unclenches her fists, before grabbing the (really fucking dirty) hat and turns around. James is grinning at her, giving her thumps up as Marlene waves like an idiot. Remus smiles slightly as well as Sirius, while Peter nods grinning.
Mary rolls her eyes. She doesn’t need their stupid support. It’s just a hat. She takes one last clean breath, before putting it on.
Mary MacDonald. A voice says in her head, making her jump.
“The fuck.” She mumbles.
The voice just hums. It’s a deep one, sending vibrations through her whole body.
Oh, what have we here? My, my, what are we going to do with you?
“Get the fuck out of my head!” Mary hisses, tempted to just throw the hat away.
The hat chuckles. Loud and weird, like bees that are all around her head.
You’re a fierce one. Stubborn, with a will to do what it takes. Yeah, I can see that.
“Just decide.” Mary mumbles. “Just get over it, come on.”
Hmm. What should we do, what should we do.
There is a long silence as Mary holds her breath, only partly because it really does smell like shit under this hat, and then suddenly the hat roars in her ears.
Gryffindor!
“For fucks sake, finally.” Mary mumbles, basically throwing it off. Light catches her eyes, while a loud applause embraces her. She stares at the masses of people, startled by the amount of them, that are genuinely happy for her. To have her in their house. The urge to be home overcomes her so strong and suddenly, she feels like crying. But Mary MacDonald doesn’t cry. Mary MacDonald raises her head and walks in a straight, clear line towards the Gryffindor table and hides the way her fists start to draw blood on her skin.
She sits down, staring at the table in front of her as the world collapses around her. There is a siren, a blue and red light, her father, tight hugs, the ambulance, Thompson, poker cards, her uncle, her mother. She feels as if she’s being suffocated. Help. She thinks. Please, help me.
And then someone throws their arm around her shoulders. “We’re in the same house, isn’t that great?”
Mary blinks, slowly turning to Marlene next to her. “Yeah, awesome.” She manages to say.
“And now I finally know your name, Mary.” She grins. “I was really expecting something more crazy, but hey Mary’s cool, too.” Marlene gasps suddenly, pointing to the front. “Oh, look, it’s almost James’ turn. What do you think he will be?”
Mary stares at James and shakes her head. “I don’t give a shit.” She mumbles, trying to block out the way her brain tries to drag her back into her past.
Marlene snorts. “You’re a funny one.” She grins. “Well, I think he’ll be a Gryffindor. Obviously. I hope, maybe we can practice for Quidditch together then.” She leans against Mary, but Mary doesn’t feel anything. Her mind is empty, her body hollow and the world dull against the sharpness of her memories. Just a few hours. She thinks. A few more hours, then I will be gone. And she clings onto that, the last rope she has, the only existing light to fight back the darkness, that is trying to drown her.
***
James is also a Gryffindor, which is no surprise, really. He immediately starts beaming and doesn’t stop even when they walk back with some prefect to their tower or whatever. James’ arms are thrown around Sirius and Marlene, while he’s talking non stop about some house cup, that they have to win. Peter’s tried to walk with her, but after she not so nicely told him to fuck off, he just shrugged and walked over to Remus, who kind of told him the same thing apparently, but who also didn’t seem to manage to get him away. So now he has to walk with Peter. Once in a while, Mary sticks out her tongue as he throws her a dark look.
They walk through the castle, which sounds pretty boring, but once Mary sees these weird stairs, that seem to change positions every two seconds, she thinks differently. Finally, after one kid trips over a changing staircase and almost falls into nothingness, which doesn’t seem to shock their prefect that much, they arrive at the Gryffindior Tower and a portrait instead of a door, which really shouldn’t surprise Mary. She sighs internally, before following them all through the ‘door’.
“And now you can all go to your rooms. Have a nice first night.” The prefect finishes whatever speech, he has been giving.
“Isn’t that great?” Marlene runs over to her and grabs a hold of her arms, beaming brightly. “We’re in the same dorm! Oh Merlin, how lucky we are.” She keeps beaming as she drags Mary with her up some stairs. “I was so scared, like really scared that I might be with someone I don’t know.”
Mary frowns. “We do not know each other.”
“What? Of course we do, silly!” She laughs. “Come on, it’s gonna be so, so fun.”
“I doubt that.” Mary mutters, but follows her nevertheless.
“Do you know the other person in out dorm?” Marlene keeps on rambling. “I hope it’s someone nice. Because we have to be together for all those years. Seven I think. And I mean it would be not so cool to share a dorm with someone that long, if you don’t like them. You know what I mean?”
Mary throws her a look. “Yeah, I do.”
Marlene snorts again, stopping at some door. “Come on, this is our room. Oh, it’s so exiting!”
They walk into their dorm. It’s ugly. Very ugly. With stupidly warm red colors all around and those curtains around big, comfortable looking beds and a big clean bathroom and wooden furniture, that makes everything look even warmer and inviting. So, yeah, very ugly. Mary hates it.
“Oh, oh, oh, I want that bed!” Marlene shrieks, running to the only bed at the window and throwing herself on it. Her eyes go big as she looks to Mary. “It’s so soft.”
Mary raises her eyebrows.
“No, like really!” Marlene groans as she lays back again. “I’m laying on cotton. Cotton candy. Clouds. Cotton candy clouds. Feathers. Everything.”
“Yeah, right.”
“Come on! You have to try it!” Marlene throws her a look and points to the other beds. “Try one yourself. You’ll see, it’s awesome.”
Mary raises her eyebrows yet again, but still walks over to the bed on the other side of the room and slowly sinks into it. And by sinking, she means sinking. It’s soft and still hard enough to make her lay on something so fucking comfortable, it makes her angry. She closes her eyes, sighing softly.
“And?” Marlene asks, a smug grin in her voice.
Mary opens her eyes, staring at the starless ceiling. “I hate it.”
“Oh, stop it!” Marlene laughs.
“No, really.” Mary curls around a pillow, pressing it close to her chest. “It’s like laying on stones. Ugh, so, so bad. It’s unbearable.”
Marlene snorts and before Mary can blink, Marlene throws a pillow at her head.
Mary frowns. “Fuck you.”
She raises her own pillow, ready to throw it back, as suddenly the door opens again and a girl with bright red hair walks into their dorm. Her green eyes flicker from Mary to Marlene and back again. “Are you Mary MacDonald and Marlene McKinnon?”
“Yes!” Marlene grins. “The one and only.” She frowns. “No- the two and only.” She grins again. “And you’re Lily Evans?”
The girl smiles. “The one and only.” She looks around, her eyes finding Mary’s again. “Oh, we’ve met, haven’t we? On the train?”
Mary frowns at her, remembering the scene from earlier all too well. “Yes.”
Lily’s smile wavers for a second. “I’m sorry we bothered you.”
“I don’t care.”
A frown appears on Lily’s face. “What?”
“I don’t give a shit what you’re sorry for.”
Lily stares at her, mouth slightly open.
Marlene laughs lightly from her bed. “No, worries, Lily. That’s just our lovely Mary. You’ll get used to it.”
For a second, Lily opens her mouth, before closing it again.
“Hey!” Marlene shouts out suddenly. “Want to see my Quidditch team collection?”
Slowly, Lily nods, walking over to Marlene. “Yeah, sure.”
“Awesome. Mary, wanna come, too?”
Without answering, Mary turns around with her back to them, pillow still pressed closely to her chest as she draws the curtains around her bed back.
“Okay.” Marlene calls, still a grin in her voice. “But you’re missing out, just saying.”
Mary rolls her eyes. She doesn’t even want to be that rude. It’s just, she doesn’t give a shit about them. She’ll be gone anyway, so what is the matter? She can hear Marlene and Lily talking about some Quidditch stuff as she grabs her suitcase, that has literally magically appeared on her bed and prepares for her flight.
***
Mary has hoped they might go to sleep soon. They do not. In fact, Marlene and Lily seem to have a never-ending source of power to stay awake.
“And then Mickey shot the Quaffle right through the middle hoop and it bounced back and went also through the right one.” Marlene is currently saying. Something about her brother, who was the Quidditch captain or whatever.
“Through two hoops?” Even from her bed, Mary can hear the frown in Lily’s voice.
“Yes!” Marlene basically shouts. “It should be impossible, but he managed it. I hope we’re starting soon with broom training. Have you ever been on a broom, Lily?”
“No.” There is a pause. “Is that something bad?”
“Nah. Just a shame. But I can give you all the tricks, my brothers gave me. No worries.”
“Okay, great.” Mary rolls her eyes at the so obviously fake excitement in Lily’s voice.
“Yeah.” Marlene keeps on talking. “And then we’re both gonna be on the Quidditch team in a year. Do you think Mary wants to be on the team, too?” Before Lily can answer, Marlene shouts: “Hey, Mary, you planning on joining the team?”
Mary rolls her eyes, not answering.
“Maybe she’s sleeping.” Lily mumbles.
There are steps and then suddenly the curtains around Mary’s bed are being drawn back, revealing a grinning Marlene with chocolate all around her mouth. “Hey!”
Mary just stares up at her.
“We were wondering if you’d want to be on the Quidditch team, too?”
“We?” Mary repeats, eyebrows raised at Lily in the back ground.
“Yeah.” Marlene beams. “It will be so, so great. I promise. Don’t you think so, too, Lily?”
“Yes, Lily, do you think so, too?” Mary turns to her sarcastically.
The girl frowns at her. “I do, yeah.”
“You wanna be on a broom? Hundreds of foots in the air? Even though you’ve never been on a broom?” Mary checks.
She shrugs, though a faint blush paints her cheeks. “Why not? Might be fun.”
“You see!” Marlene point at Lily triumphantly.
“Oh, yeah. That totally convinced me.” Which only makes Lily frown again.
Marlene laughs and just throws herself on Mary’s bed. “So, you’ve also never been on a broom before, right? Ever held a wand? Ever cast a spell?”
“You can’t cast a spell outside of Hogwarts.” Lily intervenes, standing up and walking towards them. “That’s forbidden, except if you’re done with school.”
Marlene waves that away, leaning to Mary. “Don’t listen to her. Everyone does spells outside of Hogwarts. Even I’ve done it.”
Lily turns to her with huge eyes. “You have? But- but my father said that’s not possible.”
“Oh, everything’s possible with a little bit of motivation.” Marlene grins. “That’s what my father always says.”
Still looking startled, Lily opens her mouth, but closes it right away, before sitting slowly also down on Mary’s bed.
Instinctively Mary sits up, glaring at her. “Don’t sit on my bed.”
The girl freezes, staring at her incredulously. “What?”
“Don’t sit on my bed.”
“But Marlene sits on your bed, too.”
Mary shrugs. “I don’t care what Marlene does.”
“You care what I do?”
“When what you’re doing is bothering me, yes.”
“Me sitting on your bed is bothering you?” There, for the first time, is a flicker of anger in the girls eyes, twitching to lash out.
Mary looks at her pointedly. “Haven’t I made myself clear enough?”
“What- Mary, stop that.” Marlene stares between her and Lily with an open mouth.
Mary rolls her eyes. “Get off, too, then.”
Marlene puffs out a breath, before standing up and grabbing Lily, though there is a slight grin on her face. “Well, okay, bad time, bad time. I get it. We’re going, no worries. But don’t expect me to reserve a spot for you at the Great Hall tomorrow.”
“Don’t expect me to care.”
Marlene laughs, while dragging a still at Mary frowning Lily with her. “Come on, I can show you some more of my Quidditch team collection.”
They leave and start talking about some boring as fuck teams again, while Mary sighs and closes her curtains yet again. Just a few hours. She thinks. Just a few more hours.