James Fleamont Potter was sitting in his room yesterday and was having a panic attack. He was flooded with waves of heat, and his mind was one big mush in which his thoughts were spinning like crazy.
It felt bad.
He was sitting on the floor on the carpet, and with his heart beating fast, he slammed his laptop shut.
He remembers that loud sound drumming in his ears. When half an hour later he opened it again and the brightness of the screen hurt his eyes, James did something he never felt the need to do, he cleared the history of his browsers.
His heart was beating at an alarming rate. He cried quietly at first, just tears streaming down his cheeks, but then it turned into sobs full of sharp breaths and tremors.
And since James wasn't in the habit of hiding things from his parents, sitting in the kitchen with his mum eating cereal while she was unpacking the groceries, he decided to talk to her.
She was always the first person he turned to when he had a problem. He was fourteen, and his peers called him a mama's boy, but he didn't care.
His mom was the best mom in the world and she deserved an award for putting up with him for so many years. James loved her immensely.
But now he felt insecure. He didn't know her views on such matters. They never talked about it. He was very stressed.
James ate his cereal very slowly, searching for the best moment to start a conversation.
"Honey, are you all right?" Euphemia asks, frowning halfway through putting the chocolate chips away in the cupboard. She's felt her son's eyes on her for a few long moments.
"Yeah," he assures, immediately looking away. He didn't want to make her worry.
He knew he couldn't escape this conversation. James couldn't suppress his emotions or hide his words, he had to share them. And he knew that if he wanted to share what he had just discovered yesterday, his mom was the best person to do it.
He finished his breakfast feeling nauseous. His stomach knotted, and his throat burned, his hands trembling as he put the bowl in the dishwasher.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Euphemia raises an eyebrow.
She knows James like no one else, she notices every little change in her son's behavior and knows that now it's not natural, something was wrong and James wanted to tell her but didn't know how to go about it. She understood after one of his uncertain look.
She had just finished arranging the groceries, she had time off, and of course she decided to give it to her son, she sat down at the kitchen table, James joined in, and for a long moment they just stared at each other.
She watched James fidget in place, how he played with his hands, how he clicked his tongue, how he opened his mouth to say something and immediately closed it, how he bit his cheeks, how he plucked his lip, how he adjusted his glasses and combed his hair every now and then, the way he looks down, his fingers tapping together, the way he swallows like he's stressed out. It worries her.
She has no idea what it could be, but her son has never been this nervous.
"I–" he finally begins quite hesitantly "I wanted to talk," Euphemia ignores the tremor in his voice and the deep breath he has just taken.
She waits, politely nods with a slight smile, encouraging him to continue, he force himself to the first word now it will be easier, James is brave and he can handle it. Effie doesn't rush him, James knows that he can take as much time as he likes.
"I-I" he stuttered and groaned in annoyance. Why can't he just say it? "I have a crush," he says before he can take the words back. Euphemia's eyebrows go up high, there's no way it's just that.
"What about that Lilly girl?" She asks curiously.
"Um, no," that's not a good start, that's not where his mom should be thinking if he's going to tell her the truth today "it didn't work out," he shrugs "I asked her to go out with me and we even went on that date but..." it was a short date because as soon as they were alone with each other they felt quite awkward, they talked and laughed and it was really nice but it wasn't an evening that cost James emotions, he felt like after meeting a friend and... and Lilly, she felt that way too, so their date ended with them both laughing out loud at how incompatible they were "it felt wrong so now I guess we're friends," he explains to her hastily, his mom nods thoughtfully.
"So it's someone new," she points out and smiles widely.
She has a beautiful smile, James doesn't want to take it from her face.
"Um," he swallows hard, wheezing rapid breath, hands clasped on knees.
"Sweetie," she sighs, she doesn't like to see James in this state, so fragile and afraid of criticism, stressed by her opinion, it pained her how lowly her son thought of himself. "If you want to ask if we can take more people on our vacation, you need to know that I already booked tickets," she informs knowing that one of the things James can be so stressed about is asking for something that could be a problem for her. "But if you really want to, I will find one extra place, don't worry," she assures with a smile.
James shakes his head quickly in denial, biting his lip between his teeth.
"That's not what it's about," he admits quietly. His heart is beating terribly fast, he is terribly stuffy and warm, and sick.
"Okay?" She asked, concerned.
"What if," James takes a shaky breath. "What if this crush," James digs his fingernails into the palms of one hand and scratches his neck with the other, his eyes darting as if panicked, like a deer staring at a car's headlights "if it's not a girl?" The ending is weak and quiet, and James closes his mouth immediately. He doesn't dare look up at his mum, he doesn't want to see her face.
Euphemia frowns in confusion.
"You mean," she starts slowly "that you have a crush on a boy?" She asks, her voice steady and slow.
"Yes, that could be true. What if?" A brief glance, just enough for her to see the panic in his eyes.
James is extremely stiff right now, he doesn't dare move an inch, he seems to be barely breathing, he's waiting for her verdict as if it's going to weigh on his life, tears welling up in his eyes and that's not a sight Effie wants to see.
"Jamie," she speaks after a moment of silence, her voice is so soft and it acts like a bandage on James, he lifts his head to meet her eyes, they are filled with tears "sweetie, I'm sorry if you ever felt like you couldn't tell me that," she whispers as she hugs him, James blinks in surprise, snuggles into her, inhaling her soothing scent, feeling safe and releasing the stress he's had since yesterday, crying into her arms.
"I'm sorry," James whispered.
"What are you apologizing for, sunshine? You didn't do anything wrong," Effie soothes him with her words and touches, smooths his hair, James relaxes.
"Are you really okay with me liking a boy?" James asks hesitantly, just to be sure.
"Oh, love, of course I'm okay with that, I'm sorry this was so hard for you, it should never have been like this," she hugs him tightly.
"I didn't know I could do that," James whispers after a moment "feel attracted to boys, I mean," Effie is afraid James's lips are already bleeding from how often he bites them today, she puts her hand on his cheek and smiles softly. "I didn't know until yesterday," James admits shyly, his blush showing even if only slightly. "So you probably know how I sometimes have trouble distinguishing between platonic and romantic emotions, right?"
James doesn't need to remind her, because she remembers perfectly well how her son, eight years old, ran into the house terrified, convinced that he had to marry the neighbor from across the street because they were holding hands while going for a walk.
She remembers how her eleven years old boy was convinced that everyone was hugging to say hello and goodbye, and he did it with everyone, even the strangers.
Thirteen-year-old James was convinced it was okay to kiss his friends, and when he realized it wasn't, he had to apologize to Sirius.
James would often panic when Marlene hugged him, lay on him, or kissed him on the cheek because he thought it contained stronger feelings and that he was hurting her, because he doesn't like her back like that, but no, Marlene was never interested in him.
"Right," she nodded. She spent a lot of time with her son talking about boundaries and feelings and about treating others.
"Well, yesterday it dawned on me that it could be more than hey, I want to be friends with you." James seems so small as he looks down, cringing.
"Well... better late than never?" She try to comfort him "it's good that you think about your emotions James, it's good that you work through them."
"Thanks," James smiles faintly.
"So this crush," she starts "who is it? What boy is this?" she smiles broadly at him as if she's waiting for a gossip.
"Frank," he mumbles.
"Frank," she wonders "as Frank Longbotom? That one from your team?"
"Yes, him," James purses his lips "he has a girlfriend so it's really just-"
"Got a broken heart? Do you need ice cream? I think you need ice cream. I'll get us some ice cream," Effie decides.
"No, I'm not, it's just-" James tries to protest "but the ice cream sounds good," he smiles slightly.
"So the Frank boy, tell me about him," she proposed.
"So, he's like really cool, you know?" James starts and talks and talks and talks and mum doesn't interrupt him, she just listens.
That's something James needed.
○○○○○
"So," James cleared his throat. "I've been doing some research and reading and..." he stops, nervous about what he's going to say "It's not like I only like boys and I'm gay," he assures.
"Jamie, even if it is, there's nothing wrong with that, you know that, right?" his mum gives him a soft smile.
"I know but I–" he swallows "I think I'm pansexual," it's like a secret like a confession, it's something fragile and uncertain and the word cuts his lips strangely but it feels good "because it's not like I prefer girls or boys or anything," he takes a deep breath "I just... I think I'm focusing on the person and not their gender, you know what I mean?" He frowns, he didn't know if his words and thoughts made any sense.
"It was to be expected Jamie," she chuckled "it's rather obvious, you have so much love to give to the world that it doesn't even surprise me," she gives him a beautiful smile that makes James feel better, more confident, safer. "I'm glad you're discovering yourself love."
"Yeah, I am glad too," he nodded.
"And I'm glad I know what's going on," Felamont says ironically. He sits down with them on the couch in the living room and puts his arm around his wife "So what are my beautiful wife and my wonderful son discussing?" Fleamont asks with a tender smile.
"James, love, there's no rush, you don't have to say anything," his mum assures him calmly, she knows Monty will understand.
"I don't want to yet," he decides awkwardly playing with his hands.
He was quite comfortable with his mum, but his dad is a different story because aren't men more sensitive to that? With the name, the lineage and so on... because what if James decides to settle down with a boy in the future? There was a possibility. And then what? He won't give his parents grandchildren, and he won't continue the line, and what if his dad doesn't support it? Many people have a bad attitude towards same-sex relationships, and they were an option with what James discovered.
"Hmm, okay," Fleamont nodded "if the time is right, James, when you're ready," he gives his son a soft smile.
"Won't you be sad?" James confirms worriedly.
"No, James," Monty looks at him tenderly "take as much time as you need to share this news with me without coercion, okay?" He asks "I love you," and he kisses the top of his head.
A few days passed from that moment before James knocked on the door of his dad's office.
He stood in the doorway with flushed cheeks and a wandering gaze.
He was nervous, of course, but... it's his dad, right?
"James?" Monty blinked. "Come on in," he invites cheerfully.
"Dad," James starts his voice is serious and James tries not to tremble, wants his dad to know it's important and serious. Fleamont sits across from him and nods, encouraging him to continue. "I'm pansexual," he confesses in one breath, it's quick and sure, but after that, James slides into the chair, wanting to melt into it, he's stressed out, too late to undo.
"Pansexual?" Monty frowned, that's new, but he knew what that meant "okay," he nodded approvingly "do you have your eye on someone specific?" He asks with a smug smile, James doesn't smile back, lost in thought. "Do you want to talk about how you came to this or-"
"That's okay?" James frowned.
"Of course, that's okay, love," Fleamont looks at him surprised "why shouldn't it be?" he asks.
"Because– like, I'm your son," James tries to find words.
"And I'm so proud of you," Monty cut him off "nothing will ever change how much I love you and no matter who you date you are my son James and all I want is your happiness," he confess "I'm glad you told me," a soft smile.
"Thank you, dad.".
And they hugged, and they hugged for a long time.
Exactly what James needed.
○○○○○
"Marlene!" James hugs her tightly when she visits his house, they live not far from each other, even opposite each other and during the holidays they often meet, they are best friends since childhood, they have known each other for years and James adores her.
It was with her that he always played football, he went to the lake with her and played with Lego, they were frequent guests in each other's homes.
But in the first month, Marlene had gone on vacation and only now had returned, much to James' delight. They had the whole afternoon to themselves today, and who knows, maybe the evening and the night when their moms agree.
Marlene hugs him tight and starts talking about literally everything, and James repays the same.
"On this vacation, we used to go to this ice cream parlor a lot, and ugh, imagine who worked there!" They quickly moved on to the best gossip "Dorcas Meadow, can you imagine? She's so awful but so pretty..." she sighed. "I annoy her with my presence every day, and oh James, what pretty eyes she has!" And it's been like this since the first game Gryffindors played against Slytherins and Dorcas Meadow defeated Marlene to win the prize instead of her. "As much as I hate her, I can't wait until we meet each other at the next game!"
There were 4 big schools in their town, Gryffindor, the school of James, Marlene and the rest of his friends, there was Slytherin that Dorcas went to, it was also Hufflepuff, James had some good friends there, they were kind and it was also Revenclaw, the best school for geniuses.
Slytherin had a really good team, they paid a lot of attention to sports, just like Gryffindor, so most often this pair competed with each other and tried to outdo each other in results, matches with Slytherin were the most demanding. James knew because he had been in those games himself.
"Hey Marlene," James broke the pleasant silence, and she looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "I'm pansexual," he confessed to her quietly.
"Seriously?" She asks surprised. "That's great! I'm glad you told me, James," she grins widely and hugs his best friend.
"And I had a crush on Frank," he added with pursed lips.
"Yeah, I can see why," she grined.
"Thanks, Marls," he also grined.
Exactly what he needed.
○○○○○
When they returned to school after the holidays, James knew from the very first night that he wanted to tell his friends about this little holiday observation, too.
He trusted them with all his heart and knew, was convinced, sure that they would react well.
Because it's not like Sirius almost fell on his face not seeing the threshold because he stared at Remus (and James admits Remus was getting prettier over the holidays) and as if Remus didn't had been making heart eyes at Sirius for over a year.
They were meant for each other and James believed in nothing else.
But now, about him.
"Hey guys, I have something to tell you," he decides, playing with his hands, tugging at the threads sticking out of his sweater.
Peter, Remus, and Sirius turn their heads towards him, and it's funny because they look like these little animals doing it, meerkats?
In any case, they quickly surround James, sounding a note in his voice that this is something important.
"Yeah?" When everyone is seated and silence surrounds them, Remus breaks it.
"I'm pansexual," he lets out breathlessly, the boys frown at him, and silence engulfs them again.
"Good for you mate," and it's suddenly Remus who puts a hand on his shoulder and squeezes in a friendly gesture, James grins at him now feeling much better. "Will telling you I'm gay will make you feel any better?" Remus raised an eybrow with a cheeky smile of his.
"And if I will, tell you I'm asexual?" Peter decided to add.
That laughed together. It's fun like that it's good like that.
"Sirius gonna say nothing," Remus points out.
James understands that, of course, he does because Sirius lives in a different environment, with his homophobic conservative parents. It must be hard.
The whole "Toujours Pur" thing... Sirius is confused and doesn't know and doesn't understand, but he's trying, and that's what matters, right? James gets it.
"As a straight boy, he is," James shrugs with a teasing smile.
"He's a boy?" Remus gives a look at Sirius's long black hair and painted nails.
"He's straight?" Peter asks, shocked.
"I hate you all!" Sirius snorted indignant.
"The Nile is a river in Egypt," James smiled at him broadly.
"Fuck off," he huffs.
And they laughed.
James knows, knows about Sirius's feelings probably more than he does himself and James's just waiting for the moment for it to sink in because no, Sirius couldn't look at Remus with love and be jealous of him and still consider it friendship.
"Moony' kind of hot," James said just to piss Sirius off. Well, maybe not completely... it was possible that for some reason he had a crush on him for a while and thought Remus was dishonestly handsome.
"Thanks James," Remus chuckled.
"You're right mate, he's hot," Peter agreed and they took high fives.
"Shut up!" Sirius Black and his burning cheeks as a interlude.
"Ah Sirius, you know your my one and only," Remus assured dramatically.
And they laughed.
James frowned a bit, he will think about it latter, but he think that's what Remus said wasn't a joke.
○○○○○
The Slytherin vs Gryffindor match is in June. James trains hard to prepare for it, training is demanding since Frank left school, James took over the team and was captain and he admits it was terribly stressful, it's a huge burden but James believed he could handle it.
And now it was starting, the Slytherin captain walks up to him, his black curls fall in loose strands over his face, his eyes are blue and shiny, his lips are thin and pink, he is well built, his cheekbones are high and his hands are beautiful, he has pianist's hands and looks fragile, as if he wasn't made to play this brutal sport at all.
James smiles at him in a friendly way, the boy doesn't return it, his companion's face is cold and impassive. This new captain gives him his hand and squeezes it firmly, not so hard it would hurt but firmly, he has delicate hands. James grins.
"Good luck," James wishes with a smile and his opponent takes it as a reproach, he snorts, crossing his arms as if offended, and walks away.
The match ends 3-3 and James is satisfied with the draw. He's so proud and congratulates his team, smiles broadly and he congrats to the other team as well.
It was a good match.
James walks into the locker room and finds the other captain there, this new boy, he saw him for the first time today and it was a strange feeling in his stomach. The beautiful boy sat on the bench, hiding his face in his hands, gritting his teeth as if annoyed, as if dissatisfied with today's game.
"It's embarrassing that I've compromised myself so much," he mutters under his breath.
"You're pretty," James lets out of his mouth before he can think, staring at the boy, James' lips slightly quivering, his eyes wide open full of what you might call awe and tenderness.
James shamelessly stares at the other one, the boy who have the number 1 on his shirt, even though he's not a goalkeeper.
He wasn't in his professional sports outfit anymore, now he was wearing black pants that showed off his legs, he was wearing green and brand new clean green converse and a green smart sweater that matched his shoes, green showed off his face, it suited him. James admired.
"What did you just say?" He hissed and looks up at him, his mouth pressed into a thin line and he tries to hide the shock that seized him not only because someone else was next to him but because of what James said.
"Oh?" James frowned. "I said you're pretty," he repeated with a smile.
He didn't expect what would happen in a second, James didn't even have time to react when the boy got up from the bench and pinned him to the wall.
He was strong, stronger than he looked, he yanked James easily and maybe it was shock but James felt that he could do it again without any problem so now with the stranger's hand on his shirt he was pressed tight against the wall (he was glad he didn't hit it head but his back ached slightly), the boy was standing in front of him and his teeth were clenched tightly.
Why did James like it? Why he feel attracted to it?
James wanted to apologize already, it might be awkward for boys to be called pretty by others, he understood.
"How do you know?" His voice dropped to a whisper. Oh my, James would drown in that voice. "How could you tell?" he asks, he was demanding, he wanted to know and James really wanted to give him answer but he didin't know what was going on. "How did you know I'm gay?" James blinked. Ah, so that's what it was all about. "Don't you dare telling anybody, understood?" Did the boy really think James had done this, said that, just to mock him? Oh boy.
"What?" James frowned "it's not my place to tell anybody, and well, I didn't know until you tell me," he explains, the grip on his shirt loosened and his interlocutor frowned confused. "I just– sometimes I'm like that," he shrugs "I'm sorry if I make you feel uncomfortable, I didn't mean to," he apologized and it seemed sincere. "I saw someone pretty so I decided to inform them they're pretty, you're very pretty," James sighed dreamily. "What's you're name?"
"What do you mean?" He ignores James' question. "What's wrong with you? You can't just–" he paused, reaching a certain realization "does that mean you are too?"
"I'm not gay if you're asking that, actually I'm pansexual and you're pretty. I think I might try to seduce you if only I knew you a bit better," James confesses.
"Regulus," the boy lets him go, he steps back and stretches out his hand in front of him.
"James," James respons. They shakes each other's hands.
"See?" Regulus smiles charmingly. "Now we knew each other's, go on, seduce me," it sounds like an order but James wants to follow it, his heart quickens, his stomach clenches, he takes a deep breath.
Regulus needs to stop smiling like that, he has no idea what it's doing to James.
"What?" It's a weak sound, it's quiet.
"You're not that bad yourself, you know," Regulus raised an eybrow, and it looks like a compliment. "You're kind of beautiful actually," and it's a hand in James' hair, and James is out of breath. His eyes are wide, and he's melting.
Oh, he wants that boy.
He wants, he wants.
It's just a kiss, it doesn't have to mean anything, right?
"Fuck it," Regulus rolls his eyes, his hand is clenched on James' shirt again, he pulls him closer, very close and forcefully connects their lips.
It's brutal at first but quickly turns sweet. James loses himself in the kiss, he's not sure what to do, he doesn't have much experience with kissing which is embarrassing for his sixteen and a half years old.
Regulus's hands disappear from his face, from his cheeks, one of them lands on James's neck and the other in his hair, Regulus tugs at them and James didn't expect a moan to fall from his mouth at the gesture, it was so good.
Regulus' hair was soft, his skin delicate, his lips beautifully tender.
This kiss is sweet like cotton candy and chocolate.
Regulus hums in approval.
It's a warm feeling, it's nice.
James feels Regulus' tongue move over his lip as a request for access. How can he deny him? A startled moan leaves his lips again. It should be awkward, but James doesn't care, not when he feels so good. Regulus is an excellent kisser.
"You need to practice," Regulus says breathlessly as they finally break apart. He slaps James on the chest and turns on his heel. James breathes heavily, he's eyes wide, he heart squeezing and beating fast. Why was it so good?
James had never felt like this before.
He feels crazy, his thoughts are one big mush and he feels dizzy.
"Hey, wait!" He called after Regulus, Regulus didn't wait, he simply go away.
It's such a funny sounding name, was it even real? James wanted to scream.
"I kissed a boy," he informed his friends later.
"And did you like it?" Remus asks eagerly.
"I fucking love it!" James said dreamily.
"Who?" Sirius asks, James had a game today and he thought it unlikely that James would kiss anyone on his team, maybe a fan?
"He was the captain of the second team," he sighs dreamily with a wide breath.
"Mulciber!?" They shouted at once.
"NO!" James denies "they have a new captain, I was also shocked," he informs them "he is so beautiful, he had such shining eyes and such soft hair and–"
"Okay James, we understand," Peter chuckled.
"I want him," he sighed.
"Go for it mate," they encourage him.
"I don't even know his name," James groaned.
"But you know he's in Slytherin," Remus points out.
"And that's a problem isn't it?" James grunted dissatisfied.
"James don't be stupid, you can like whoever you want," Sirius informs seriously.
Is it that simple?
James can't wait for his next competition.
Fortunately, this day came quickly.
James is excited. Regulus recognizes him, of course he does, he grins cheekily at James, he leaned a bit and whispered to him to come to his locker room after the game.
James is full of emotions.
James' team loses by one point but they lose, James yells in annoyance.
He tugs at his hair and his gaze lands on the green-suited team who are jumping up and down, cheering and laughing.
He notices a slight smile on Regulus's lips, and it gives James so much happiness that he forgets about the sadness of losing.
Regulus has the most beautiful smile in the world, James is sure. The way the corners of his mouth go up, the way his eyes light up, it's like he's making the whole universe brighter.
James comes to the locker room as proposed, Regulus is alone in it and it is small, James has the impression that when he said "my" he meant private and not his team locker room.
He walks inside, smiles cheerfully at Regulus, and almost immediately, before even he can say hello, Regulus' lips attacks his. James doesn't complain, he puts his hands on Regulus' sides, keeping him close.
It's a long kiss. It's longing and passion and joy and the rest.
Regulus deepens the kiss, James imitates, matching his pace. Regulus, remembering perfectly well what James liked, is doing it again, and James thinks he's about to pass out. The sound from the back of his throat seems to please Regulus.
James already feels stable as they break apart for breath but the other boy is kissing his neck now, he has James' skin between his teeth biting it, James moans at the pleasure.
A moment later he feels the suck and he knows he's going to end up with a hickey, which is quite exciting because it's actually the first one he's ever received from someone, and that someone is such a beautiful boy.
James wants to let him have everything he wants.
He also starved touch, his hands exploring Regulus' body, tugging at his hair and roaming under his shirt.
Regulus's hands are cold as they touch his hot skin, he hisses softly at that sensation and Regulus giggles, his hands touching and James feels like he's on fire and the touch burns, it's so nice, so good,
Regulus is close, so close to him, James can feel his scent and his breath and –
James feels himself getting harder, but he doesn't stop the pleasure, not when Regulus comes back to his mouth.
He reacts only when the boy's hands undo his belt.
"What are you doing?" James mumbled genuinely confused.
"I'm making it up for you," Regulus answers with a shrug. He lost the match let him have some fun, Regulus thinks, he knows they both want it.
"No," James shakes his head "you don't have to, I–" he tries to deny it, but it's hard when your thoughts are foggy and the warmth of Regulus' mouth still hasn't left his skin.
"You've never done that, huh?" Regulus raises an eybrow. This is just an observation, not a mockery.
James bites his cheeks, it was true.
"You're practically a stranger," James points out "and I know we've established that we like each other," he murmurs "but that's not what people do, like... in relationships?" He frowned.
"You're funny," Regulus chuckled, it's beautiful sound "so naive, James," he shakes his head in amusement "don't tell me you don't want this, I know you'd lie, I can make you feel so good," he informs, his hand glides up his thighs and James sucks in a breath.
"I mean–" James let out a shaky breath.
"Just let me do this, I want to," Regulus assured, James purses his lips. "Please?" and it seems to break James, that one word. Regulus smiles proud of the victory, his mouth on James' lips again "don't stress," he asked kissing him on the nose, his hand touching his underwear "can I?"
Weak "mhm" is James' answer. This man is a mess and it's Regulus fault, he's never been more proud of himself.
And it's so good, it shouldn't be but it is and James is melting in pleasure, his eyes sparkle in bliss, his mouth parted in delight. It's so good.
"Sorry, you can't be too loud," Regulus whispers softly, he connects their lips in a kiss when he feels James is close, he's right, James comes with a soft moan muffled by the kiss, Regulus smirks "Good?" He asks, James nods eagerly.
James tries to control his breath and his fast-beating heart still trembles, Regulus biting his lip smugly.
"I told you so," Regulus smiles proudly, closing James' mouth with a kiss before he can reply.
"You want me to–" James asks uncertainly, his cheeks flushed, he wants to return the favor.
"Oh I would love to," Regulus smiles broadly "but well, you'd have to make me hard again, unfortunately we don't have that much time," he pouted "you're quite beautiful you know? You have no idea how beautiful you are and how wonderful your responses to my every move," he's smiling, James loves it. "I didn't think I could come untouched, but look," he shakes his head.
It's another kiss and another.
And that's it, their paths diverge.
When they meet again, it's a week-long camp, they fall into each other's arms on the first day, kisses and sweet words.
But... the third time they meet James stops him before Regulus kissed him.
"Hey, if you want to continue that, I want to know more about you," says James. He can't, he can't and he won't, he doesn't want pleasure without obligations, he wants feelings, he knows he has them for this boy, he wrote to his mum about his new crush, but this time he felt like it was something more.
"Okay," Regulus agrees. James is wonderful, he's kind and caring and he's lovely and wonderful and beautiful,
Regulus can do that, he can build a relationship with him.
They meet, they talk under the stars, they spend a lot of time talking, they both find each other interesting, they talk and talk and neither of them gets bored, it's a nice feeling.
At the end of the week, they can proudly call themselves boyfriends.
They exchange numbers and everything.
And the next meetings are easier.
I'm at your school now. -James gets a text from his boyfriend and jumps up.
"Hey boys! He's here," James informs his friends.
"Now?" They asked surprised.
"You said you wanted to meet him, this is the perfect time," James grins.
I'll find you in a second - James replies.
"Okay," Remus gets up first, they follow James together.
Remus and Sirius arm in arm, Peter thinks they really should have kissed a long time ago.
"There he is," James points his hands at a boy with black hair in a green sweater with the collar of a white shirt peeking out, he's staring at his phone and they can't see his face for now.
Sirius stiffens.
"What's wrong Sirius?" Peter frowned.
"Sirius? Are you okay?" Remus reacts.
"Shit," Sirius mumbles before he leaves their group and runs forward, he stops in front of Regulus and his hand lands on his chin, Sirius jerks his head up and stares him in the eye, it's unexpected and Regulus hisses.
"What the fuck?" Regulus hissed but then he recognizes who's standing in front of him. "Oh shit," his eyes goes wild.
"God, how good to see you," there are tears in Sirius' eyes, Regulus doesn't like the sight. "Everything's okay, right? Everything's okay with you, right?"
"Yes, everything's fine, and you?" Regulus pulls him close and squeezes him tight, they rock.
"Prongs, I think you've lost your boyfriend," Peter interjects as they catch up with Sirius.
"Don't be surprised, Sirius is quite hot," Remus smirked.
"What's that?" James asks with a smile, his boyfriend and his best friend turn to him, both with watery eyes.
"James as James Potter, eh?" Regulus asks, he pulls himself out of Sirius' grip and looks straight at James.
"Yes," James nods confused.
"I think I forgot about it," Regulus sighs "Regulus Arcturus Black," he introduces himself properly.
"Oh shit," James eyes goes wide. "Regulus Black as brother of Sirius Black?" James asks, Regulus nods "sorry, mate," James turned to Sirius with apologetic smile. "I didn't know it was your younger brother," he defend himself immediately.
"Haven't you noticed the similarity between us?" Sirius raised an eybrow.
"Sorry, but no, imagine that, I'm not in the habit of comparing anyone who i find attractive to my friends," he huffs.
"He never used my name?" Regulus raised an eybrow, at that moment, standing side by side, their similarity was immense. "I'll give my head that it's not popular," he shakes his head amused.
"He was telling Reggie over and over. I was sure it was short for Reginald!" James assures sincerely.
"Reginald," Sirius snorted.
"Shut up," Regulus rolls his eyes.
"I knew you were blind without your glasses, but that much?" Peter snorts, interfering in their conversation "they're like identical, mate," he points to the brothers.
"Hi Regulus, I'm Remus," he greets him politely.
Regulus sees how Remus give Sirius a brief, worried, concerned look right after. He knew. Of course, he needs to know. Regulus was the memories, he was the pain, he was what was taken from Sirius, it was impossible for his big brother to hold on well, right now. Regulus was doing his best but inside he was falling apart, Sirius must too.
"It's pleasure to meet you Remus," Regulus shakes his hand.
"Oh gosh, you're so posh," Remus chuckled, Sirius beamed at the sound and looked up at him "just like Sirius when we meet," something dangerously bright and warm flickered in his eyes.
"So you broke the mate code, James?" Peter raises an eyebrow.
"I did not know!" he defends himself.
"Do you need a moment for a family reunion?" Remus offers politely "we'll meet together in three broomsticks in an hour, okay?" He suggests, he took James and Peter with him.
"He's nice," Regulus points out when they're go away.
"He is," Sirius agreed, his smile telling too much.
"How long have you two been together" Regulus asks glaring at Sirius.
"We're not together," Sirius frowned.
"What? I stake my life that you two are in love," he murmurs. Sirius pursed his lips "you are!" He points at him "why not?" He decided to push.
"Mother," was the explanation he get, just one word but he understood.
"Still terrible?" Regulus asked concerned.
"Like never before," Sirius nodded "she changed for the worse when she lost you," he sighs.
"Oh," Regulus mumbles "does she still... does she...?"
"She does," a small nod "and father? Does he...?"
"He's dying, he doesn't give a fuck what I do because there's nothing he can do to me anymore."
"How long?"
"Hopefully when I come of age, I don't want to go back to mother, her shouts are still ringing in my ears, but I don't believe it, he has a few months left, maybe a year," Regulus informs biting his lip.
"Fuck," Sirius sum up.
"You know, I was counting on it, because I could finally come back to you," Reg sent his brother a weak smile.
"Oh Reggie," Sirius chuckled through tears "was he... was he bad for you?"
"Oh, he was awful," Regulus purses his lips "mother was harsh, with her words and screaming and all but she never sent me to the hospital. He had a metal cane remember? Once it bended when he hit me, for which he punished me, I'm glad he's dying."
"She was always softer with you... after what she did to me I thought it was good cause it's 50/50 and you're safe... I'd join the team if I didn't have so many scars from her signature shows. They would start asking. I'm sorry she isn't dying."
"Oh," Reg cover his mouth. "I was thinking you got better, and I was happy that yore safe, that's why I didin't stand up for myself, fuck."
"You're in Slytherin," Sirius change the subject. It's just hurts. He wants it to stop.
"Yeah, I was homeschooled, but when I met Barty and father got sick, I forced him to change it, I wanted normal school." He explains
"I'm glad," Sirius smiles "who's Barty?"
"I'm pretty sure he's like yours James."
"Good then," Sirius nodded. "Right James,' he sighed. "So you're gay?"
"Yeah," Regulus nodded.
"My best friend, really Reg?" Sirius chuckled.
"Sorry I didn't ask him for ID before I blew him in the loo," Regulus rolls his eyes.
"You did what!?" Sirius squeaked.
"I'm sixteen brother," he rolls his eyes.
"Fuck, but, but," he murmurs "so you're a captain? Congratulations," another subject change.
"Thank you," Reg chuckled "he's good, James I mean, he's so lovely."
"Stop that, you're making me want to throw up, you have that dreamily face and hearts eyes, blah."
"But really, I think I love him," Regulus confesses.
"You better do, you can't broke his heart because I will break yours legs."
"Nice, that's so kind of you brother."
"Don't worry he can't hurt you either, but I know he won't, he's so mad about you, he loves you so fucking much is disgusting."
"Do you plan to be with Remus when you turn 18?" Regulus decides to ask.
"I can't make him wait that long for me," Sirius murmurs.
"You're such an idiot Sirius," Regulus sighed "tell him how you feel," he insists. "You hurt him by ignoring his feelings and he thinks you don't reciprocate them," Reg informs.
"He has no feelings for me, I would know," Sirius snorst.
"Just as stupid."
"Just as irritating."
"But I love you."
"I love you more."
And they were happy again.
They were together again.
It was good, their meetings became more frequent and they made up for lost time, after their parents' divorce they were brutally separated from each other. Sirius was eleven years old. That's when he ended up in Gryffindor, a new school, a boarding school because his mother didn't want to see him. Their contact was very weak, practically non-existent.
But now it was better.
Mom, since I have a boyfriend, I want you to meet him, so I asked and if you agree, can I take him to our place this weekend?
James write a message, he bit his lip, it's stressful moment.
Of course, my dear, we would love to meet him, dad only appeals to leave the door to your room open
James chuckled.
He was very happy when Regulus agreed to his proposition. James' parents were important to him and he wanted them to meet the person he loved.
He talked to Regulus a lot and assured him that his parents were lovely and wonderful and that they really didn't mind him or thier relationship. They were happy for them. It was hard for Regulus to understand and accept it, but he agreed.
And now they were heading towards James' house, it was Friday afternoon when they got off the train.
"You didn't have to dress smartly," James smiles at Regulus "it's just dinner."
"Well, when I used to go to dinner, it was in huge dining rooms with crystal chandeliers and gold doorknobs, sorry the habit stuck," Regulus snorts, James laughs.
"I love you, you know?," James grined.
"Sirius told me that you're parents are ridiculously kind, that's true?" Regulus asks before they go through the door.
"Well," James frowned "they are lovely," he nodded "my mom will want to hug you, is that okay? I can tell her not to, and if my dad starts talking about sports, pretend you're listening, he'll love it," and with that accent they walk inside. "Mom, Dad, it's us!" James announces cheerfully.
Regulus looks around the corridor, already feeling the warmth of this house at the beginning, it's a bit like Pandora's house warm and cozy and beating with love. There are lots of pictures on the walls and lots of flowers and colors, how it all fits together.
"Hello, my name is Regulus Arcturus Black, it's pleasure to meet you Mrs Potter," Regulus smiles politely.
"Oh, I know my darling, James, please take Regulus to the dining room and I'll call your dad at that time, he stayed in the office again," she says amused.
"Sure," James nodded with a grin "let's go Reg," he take his hand.
Regulus flushed.
It was funny to James his how little gestures made Regulus blush. This boy could have given him a blow job and not even grunted in embarrassment as he sank to his knees, but he might as well have blushed because James had put their hands together or kissed his forehead. James loved doing these little things for him.
"And your parents," Euphemia starts another topic, dinner passes in a nice atmosphere, it's nice and Regulus feels all comfortable.
"They are divorced and I live with my father." Effie, Monty and James do everything in their power to make Regulus feel at ease and shed that mask of seriousness and adulthood he keeps on his face.
"And–"
"Mum," James interrupted "he's Sirius brother, let's not talk about thier parents," he pleaded, he knew it was making Regulus sick.
"Oh, I'm so sorry my dear," she apologize to Regulus immediately "so you're the little Reggie he kept talking about? How sweet," she smiled.
"He talks about me?" Regulus smiles a little.
"All the time, he and James are unverable, I have a feeling I knew everything about you, including yours shampoo brand," Regulus laughed quietly. It's a good sign.
"I will help you clean, ma'am," Reg proposed after dinner.
"Oh, you're so nice, such a gentleman," she chuckled.
The evening came to an end and James took Regulus to his room together they poked through every millimeter of it, James telling him about everything that was inside. Regulus listens, he loves James's voice.
"Reg, my parents are in the room right next to us," he shouted in a whisper as Regulus started placing wet kisses on his neck.
"I guess we have to be quiet then," Regulus smirks.
James gives in, always has, leans over him kissing those beautiful lips.
○○○○○○
"What so happy Moony?" James asks.
"Sirius told me he loves me," Remus grins.
"Fucking finally!" Peter laughs.
It's quite a happy ending, isn't it?